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Pansy looked over at the small box on her low table. It had been a gift from Loki and she was considering giving it back. She didn’t think it was right for her to keep it anymore, if she wasn’t going to keep him.
The box contained an old fashioned brass key. But, it wasn’t just any key, it was the portkey to their secret space, the place where they went to be together and no one would know. A loft in the Notting Hill area of London where no one would think to look for them.
Things between them had started as a prank, something to keep everyone guessing. Friends with benefits to keep the loneliness at bay and escape the scars their last relationships had left. But, then, Loki got serious and Pansy didn’t. She had been trying to tell him for weeks but he wasn’t listening.
“How the bloody hell am I going to tell him I don’t want to do this anymore?” She muttered as she ran her fingers along the top of the box. “He wants to meet me there tonight. He says he has something to ask me. This is going to be a cluster fuck.”
Loki looked down at the silver box he had pulled out of his nightstand. It had been a gift from Pansy at the beginning of their game. He kept the box hidden in a small dimensional rift and it had become one of his greatest treasures, not for what it held, but for who gave it to him.
What it held was valuable to no one but Loki. He lifted the lid to take out the thin strip of braided leather. Pansy had created and gifted it to him as a key to their space. He guarded the secret of their hidden loft in Notting Hill almost as closely as he guarded the location of the Tesseract.
Loki wrapped and secured the braided leather around his wrist and rubbed his fingers over the brass clasp to warm the metal. He had asked her to meet him there tonight so he could ask her a question.
Loki wanted their meeting to be more than a game, more than a way to pass the time and keep their friends guessing. He wanted to make her a permanent part of his life. He could tell she had wanted to tell him something the last time they had been together, but he had kissed away the storm in her eyes to avoid whatever it was she had wanted to say.
“This could be really good or really bad tonight.” He muttered to himself as he rubbed the brass clasp of his leather bracelet. “Time to find out if I can survive her answer to my question or if I lose my shit and neither of us survives.
Pansy took a deep breath and grabbed the key out of the box. With a puff of air, she was transported to a loft in Notting Hill to meet Loki.
Pansy looked around the loft and cataloged the things that she would miss. The large canopy bed in the far corner, the sofa in front of the fireplace, the window seat overlooking the London skyline. All places that Loki had made her feel more than any other wizard. Places she would miss if she went through with her plan.
“What is that look for?” Loki’s voice startled Pansy from her memories. “You look like you are searching for the answers to all the world’s problems. We said nothing serious would happen here.”
Pansy let her head drop to the side as she felt Loki nip her earlobe. She had to be stronger than this if she was going to escape tonight with her pride.
“So much power in such a pretty package.” Loki muttered as he continued to nip a path from Pansy’s ear to her shoulder. “I could spend hours exploring you.”
“Loki,” Pansy groaned and pulled away from Loki. “We need to talk. I did not come here tonight for you, I came to set things right.”
“What is not right about this?” Loki reached for Pansy’s hand, trying to pull her back into his embrace. “We burn when we are together and no one is being hurt. We always said there would be no strings attached, just friends letting off steam.”
“But, it’s not just friends with benefits anymore.” Pansy whispered as she walked to the large window that looked out on the London skyline. “Feelings have gotten involved. I can feel the difference in you everytime we meet.”
“You are a beautiful and wild witch,” Loki felt frozen to the floor as he watched Pansy walk away from him. “Who wouldn’t fall for you? What is so wrong with wanting to change our arrangement?”
“Because, where you are finding feelings for me, I have none for you.” Pansy let her forehead touch the window as she closed her eyes. “I can’t do this. I can’t lead you on a chase that will leave us both bleeding.”
“What if I want the chase?’ Loki reached in his pocket and pulled out a small box. “I am not asking for forever, I am just asking for a chance. I want what everyone else is finding.”
“What I mean is, I’m going to stop watering a dead flower, expecting it to grow again. It’s over, this is over.” Pansy lifted her head from the window and looked over her shoulder. “I am not what you need right now. Too much damage from too many failed relationships. I am a battlefield that never recovered.”
“Pansy, what exactly are you saying?” Loki took two steps towards her and left his hands dropped to his side. “I thought we were healing each other. I know I have been pushing you for more, but you are not damaged beyond redemption, I am.”
“You are not damaged, Loki.” Pansy put a hand to her lips and tried to cover her sob. “You are wonderfully and fearfully made. A man and a god who is too good to be held back by my damage, I have to let you go.”
“I don't want to be let go.” Loki could feel his body shake with the effort to stay where he was. “We have choices - hang on and fight for the possibilities or let go and slip back under the misery we were trying to escape.”
“Let me go.” Pansy laid a brass key on the window ledge. “There is someone out there for you, but it cannot be me.”
Loki touched the braided leather bracelet on his wrist. “Don’t do this.”
Pansy felt tears slide down her cheeks as her wand dropped from her sleeve. “It hurts too much to watch you fall when I cannot. Goodbye Loki.”
With a flash of light, Pans disappeared from the window and an owl feather drifted to the floor.
Loki stared out the window and dropped the box he had been holding.
“I’m not done yet, Pansy. Just you wait.”