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Statements of the Month: A Harry Potter Crack Fic

Summary:

What happens when little Harry Potter with the good hair gets into a mishap in Potions class? (shamelessly revealed in exposition) Will Stupid Ron and Stuck up Hermione figure themselves out? (No hate, I love these idiots) I'm a little other worldy in this fic but that's okay right. Enjoyyy!!

Notes:

(See the end of the work for notes.)

Work Text:

One day during 2nd year Harry Potter was feeling a bit giddy. Unbeknownst to him the giddiness was from a mishap in Potions, not adrenaline. Regardless, he came forth with an ‘outstanding idea’. At least that’s what his friends told him. If you asked any of the teachers, who were regrettably aware of this ritual, they’d say it was completely mental.
So 12 year old Harry Potter stood up on a table and boomed in his little voice, “I have an announcement! From this day forth a new Hogwarts tradition shall be made. Each month on this date the err,” he thought for a moment, “6th!”
It was actually the 17th but no one dared correct The Boy who Lived.
Mini Radcliffe, I- I mean Potter continued, “Everyone will make statements of the month. Each month you can point out something about your friends with no judgment and everybody claps!”
The end of his statement was practically squeak- shouted followed by a near delirious laugh. After a moment of dead silence and incredulous stares the children burst into hoots and laughter. Fred and George shed proud tears of joy in the corner as Harry motioned for the kids to settle down.
“Now, MY statement of the year is that Hermione Granger and Ronald Weasly are my best mates for life!”
Hermione rolled her eyes at being called his ‘mate’ but smiled just the same. Ron stuffed a roll into his mouth and clapped ferociously. After that display dinner was over and everyone walked to their dorms rattling off their Statements of the Month. And thus a holiday was born. Over the years Statement of the Month morphed into a yearly tradition. It was now 6th year and Harry noticed that things were still tense with his two ‘best mates’. Seeing that Statement of the Month (they stilled called it of the month for some reason and idk why so don't ask me) was right around the gosh-forsaken corner he formulated a plan. He gathered the sigifiangly smaller group of kids who honored his holiday into the common room. Yes Fred and George were present and were quite delighted to take part in such a naughty (ew no don’t be a pervert) prank. Now usually Statements of the Month consisted of petty little confession, frustrations, grudges or secrets. But not this year. Oh no not this year. Because this year each statement made Ron and Hermione blush like mad. A handful of the statements goeth thusly: (goeth thusly is shamelessly borrowed from Jill Bearcoup and if you don’t know who she is go watch her on youtube she’s fantastic)
“Ron and Hermione should go snog in the closet, I mean we all know they want to”
“Ron says Hermione has nice skin”
“Like does anyone else notice how much they,” fingers pointed in the friz girl and red boy’s direction, “just stare at each other, I know it ain’t just me.”
Ronald kept his statement bland and lifeless and his future wife followed suit. The embaroosed teens went on their prefect rounds shortly after. Its too bad they both agreed with Harry’s statement though.
“My best mates; Ronald and Hermione, are totally in love”

Notes:

I hope ya'll liked it. Please review an all that mess. Later loves!!