Work Text:
Near wakes up to the sound of the morning broadcast. Strange feelings of nostagia occupy him. They never need to check the news on the television, L has access to information sources from all over the world. They never need this television in the first place, he has those specialized for his job, it's a property go with this house and Near doesn't bother to remove it. But the sound has something familiar. How long has it been since the last time they heard something playing on the screen? Now that after years of living together in this cottage by the lake, previous memories at Wammy House feel so old and rusty.
Little clanking noise can be heard from the kitchen. Near leaves the TV on, and makes way out of the bedroom. Mello is preparing breakfast with chocolate in his mouth. Some sausages have been plated on the table, along side another bar of chocolate, and a fleshly-picked flower placed in a glass bottle.
Near pauses at the flower. Snow has stopped for a few weeks now, but it's cold outside and Near doubts any buds of spring have begun to sprout. Yet the flower is lively vivid before his eyes, spreading its blue petals as it blooms. He sits down and doesn't ask what is it or what it's for, silently observes it while waiting for Mello.
Nigella damascena, common name "love-in-a-mist". Native to Southern Europe, north Africa and southwest Asia, can be found on neglected, damp patches of land. Grows to 20–50 cm tall, with pinnately divided, thread-like, alternate leaves. The flowers are most commonly different shades of blue. Mello probably chose it on purpose, nigella means perplexity in flower language. "You puzzle me", it says.
They exchange small touches here and there, none of them speak about the flower and Mello leaves after breakfast. It’s strange how their love work, as strange as how Mello manange to pick a nigella when spring has yet to come, Near muses, but he stopped himself from thinking further. He has given up on analyzing Mello. Mello doesn't like being analyzed by anyone, he dispise those "all-seeing dark eyes", as how Matt described in a conversation Near overheard back then when they were at Wammy's. This is just a flower, Near decides and tries not to overthink. He wants to extinguish the idea of know more about the flower, or Mello’s purpose. It’s dangerous because he has to do the one thing Mello most hates. And it’s not worth, risking this peaceful life to do so.
__________
It’s late summer, the season of nigella. The flower they had in the bottle has long withered and Near threw it down the lake, but its after-image comes back to life inside his head after months of forgotten. He has never taken a step out of his house but he gives it a try and talk to some locals. They don’t help much though, beside confirming him that there’s no nigella growing in the area. Near returns home after a walk in the forest, an envelope in their suppose-to-be-emty mail box greets him.
The successor from the first generation sends them a handmade postcard, spilled in red liquid. Half jam half blood, must be some unfortunate animals, he examines while Mello amusingly fliping it backward and forward. How fast of him. The news came five days ago, Beyond has been granted amnesty. Kira had B's face and name but couldn't kill him. Death Note did give him a heart attack, but B recovered. He isn’t a complete human afterall. His status in Wammy House files marks as "Deceased", Watari was neglectful when it came to failed products and L was busy with his new interest. Near wonders if it's worth spending twenty years in prison for someone who died chasing the moon.
Mello goes downtown and they have a drink. Near doesn't join them. They talk to B in different manners, on different subjects, with different points of view. Both of them prefer to avoid clashing their differences, given it ended up with nothing good in the past.
Mello rushes to their bed and is dead asleep the momment he returns. Near assume they have a good time, but B never satisfy with Mello’s side of the story. He knows B would come for him and keeps the kitchen light on, waits for B crawling up one of the windows. They stay up until 2am. B loves the game they played and feeding him with their own old stories so he would shut up and leave them alone is tiresome. Near doesn’t want to remember that time. He made mistakes, terrible mistakes. He underestimated Kira. He thought Mello was dead and therefore didn't want to open the LABB Cases paper they got from Mello's hide-out. He missed out Mello's message hidden in it. By time Near was able to find Mello again, four years had been wasted. For all those mistakes, it's overwhelming that the game ended and they both settled down.
"You know both of you can never settle, Nate."
B laughs and disappears into the dark forest as he leaves, waving hand holding the copy of his case written by Mello. Near turns off the light and returns to where the other is sleeping. He lets himself fall heavily on their bed, not expecting a slightest move from his dearest. Mello’s hand goes for his hair, he is awake. It’s a humid night and their clothes come off easily. Near’s mind wanders in the land of mist as they start kissing. Their love, the flower means it. Love in a mist. He can feel the shapes of it, but he can’t see anything clear. Should he try and see what is there? Near hesitates.
He remembers times when he received such anger and hatred for knowing what Mello would do and what Mello would not. He remembers the cold gun against his head, seconds after he said he valued Mello action. He was genuinely grateful, but Mello lets words from Near sieve through his inferiority-powered filter, and nothing affectionate remain. Near rarely show any emotion and that make it worse. Any effort of knowing Mello turns into gloatings about how Near see through him inside Mello’s head, that’s why he chose to stop making effort. But it’s has been a while since then, they are close for long enough, has anything changed? Is it fine trying to understand Mello now? Beause he wants to know.
Near has to be careful. He can't risk throwing this life away. This is what he has ever wanted, to be with Mello. To be able to touch him and hold him. To feel his warmth and breath, to feel Mello alive and feel alive. One wrong decision and everything would be destroyed. How did Mello fall for him shouldn't be so important at this rate, but Near wants to know.
His head fill with numb from where their skin meets. Mello gave him a flower, a signal that it’s the right time, is it? Does Mello want him to know? “You puzzle me.” “You puzzle me too.” Near replies himself. He wants to know.
"How did you find that nigella here in February?" Near whispers, as if he afraid Mello would hear it. As if it’s a wrong decision. Mello turns to him with a smile.
“Wait until next year. I’ll show you.”
__________
Near wakes to the sound of morning broadcast. Strange feelings of nostagia occupy him. Mello is standing next to the television, waiting him to get up. It’s was this day last year, wasn’t it? The day Near saw their love in a mist.
Their boat travels across the lake. It's hard to know the direction, but Mello knows where he’s going. Near shivers when a gust of wind blows by.
“I want to take you to the other side of the lake, where the buds sprout and become flowers. I want you to understand.” Mello looks at him, hand fixing his white hair.
“I want to understand as well. You didn’t let me in the past.”
“It wasn’t the right time in the past. The winter was cold and we built fortress to hide ourselves in. My fortress wasn’t a very hospitable one. And the winter become colder, the sun was gone. I had to built a bigger fortress, supporting my ego from falling apart. No one in, no one out. I didn’t like it when you knocked on my door back then. I wouldn’t like it now, but I’m living in a cottage. The fortress has long gone. I left when the snow stopped, winter wasn’t over and it’s still cold outside, but the buds of spring had begun to sprout. I found them, my love in a mist.”
They arrive at the shore. Bushes of nigella damascene blooming before their eyes, lively and vivid, spreading their blue petals like diamond. Mello reaches his hand out to pick one of them.
“I was also cluecless of how I fell for you. It baffled me and I don’t want you to be the first one to find out like you always are. I want to discover it myself and share it with you. Takes years, but it comes out beautiful.”
Near stares the flower. “They don’t grow in this area, they don’t bloom in spring.” He should be satisfied with Mello’s answer, he should have said something nicer, but he wants to fully understand it, to fully understand Mello. He knows the process, but it’s impossible to start it considering the plant’s nature, Mello’s nature.
“I can make the impossible happen. You are a part of how this happened.”
“You mean we can make the impossible happen?”
“You said it yourself before you even have my permission to do so, and now you are asking me?”
Near replies with a smile. Was Mello there hearing when he declared? Toghether we are… together we can… Some memories flash through his mind. Mello pulls him closer and they hug. It’s a cold morning but they are warm in each other arms, their clothes may come off easily. They wouldn’t want to tumble down into the water but everything else shouldn't be so important at this rate. The buds sprouted. Spring is here.