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So this isn't a dream.
None of this is - none of this ever was.
Even through wishful thinking, and the useless efforts of walking up onto the highest mountain, eyes closed and a desperate heart - she prayed upon thousands of wishing starts, the wish same for each passerby.
At the time the idea seemed possible, seemed feasible; but now she only thinks of it as a childish method. And now all Amelia feels she can do is to reminisce the many times she's climbed a mountain to wish upon a star and laugh at her idiotic self.
Here she was, standing amidst a field, the blinding moonlight shining upon their tainted battlefield with distant crackling fire just a few miles away echoing in the dead of night.
And though the sight could've been astonishing, filled with stars glittering the dark sky and the quiet chirps of the crickets, it was everything but.
Because how could she possibly call this beauty when there was blood splattered across the vibrant green.
When there was a broken, golden trident off to her right shining as if it to mock her carelessness.
When there was that same crackling fire playing like a broken record, reminding her of her useless attempts.
When there was an absence of death itself.
When there was a figure standing before her, breathing heavily with a sad smile plastered across her face.
Stop smiling like that. Amelia curses.
There was a twinkle in her eyes, the smallest spark that has long started diminishing from the moment she was taken by the cursed monster hidden beneath her - the shadow that followed her every step, stalking her as it did in her nightmares.
Amelia recounts the many times she had faced that version of her - the times where Amelia had had to fumble with her watch, vision blurry and her cheeks incredibly wet, only to revert to a timeline where she had only a mere second to bask in a future she's always wanted.
Yet here she is.
Standing amidst the one future she's certain she's avoided countless times.
Then again, nothing about her life seemed to have certainty.
Perhaps misery is the only constant.
"I can go back," Amelia whispers to herself but it came out as a tremble from her own lips, she feels her neck run with hot embarrassment, "I can go back and restart everything."
"You've done that a lot of times already, Ame," what a soft voice.
Amelia feels her shoulders sag, her heart heavy.
She lets out a wet chuckle, one that was as bitter as her heart, "Doesn't hurt to try more, right?"
"Don't lie to me," ocean blue eyes glint at her and Ame knows that time doesn't stop but she feels that it does the moment she sees the familiar warmth, "I know it's hurting you a lot," she says.
Amelia hums, attempting to shrug but her shoulder was tired and so was every muscle in her body, "Time travelling doesn't strain the body-"
"But it does the mind," she intervenes. She lets out a cough, a trail of red running down her chin and Amelia held back the temptation to avert her eyes.
It's strange.
As a long-time detective, she's witnessed far more gruesome scenes than this. Scenes where a body could be mangled into a hill of flesh where the face was unrecognizable; it was so horrible it was difficult to believe that a human had done such a crime - but no matter how disgusting it was, Amelia never felt squeamish. In fact, she faced it head-on while her subordinates could only gag on their own spit.
But this.
Amelia feels her stomach churn, her head grow dizzy at the sight of blood. The smell of it circling her, invading her senses and polluting the air - it all made her want to run away, as far as she can.
But this isn't just any blood, Amelia knows.
It belongs to Her.
To Ninomae Ina'nis.
"I'm still sane," Amelia smirks, though her words falter and she curses at herself for that.
Ina hums, her smile looked tired and so did her eyes, "I highly doubt that."
"Really? Of all people, you decide to doubt me?" Amelia laughs a mighty one, an impressive mask, "Ina, c'mon, you know me! I've been time travelling for who knows how long - even I can't remember. I've seen things worst than this, worst than you can imagine - trust me, even the Ancient Ones can't compete with me in my detective work. And did you forget? I solved every case I was given, every single one! I can solve yours, I know I ca-"
"You need to move on."
Amelia stops rambling. She felt as if her heart had physically dropped to her stomach, or perhaps it actually stopped. Even her breath was caught at the base of her throat. Amelia could feel something heavy press on her shoulders and for a second she assumes she'll fall to her knees with how heavy the atmosphere had gotten.
"Live your life, Ame," Ina whispers, "Tour the world, solve more cases, be the number one detective you know - live your life, Ame."
Live my life?
Live my life.
Amelia lets out a ragged breath, "...How?" she mutters.
She feels her life, the fire sparked deep within her slowly fade.
Has she always been this tired?
"You know how, Ame," there was a light tone to Ina's voice, but Amelia could hear the strain in it, "End it today and live you-"
"Live my life?" Amelia snapped her head up, eyes wide and filled with frustration it made Ina take a small step back, "You-You want me to forget all of this? H-How am I supposed to do that- I can't do that-"
Ina struggles but she shakes her head, "Yes you ca-"
"No!" Amelia screams, and Ina flinches.
The detective walks forward, her hands trembling - so much so that the gun in her hand might just slip away - and her expression is filled with desperation. Resentment - but Ina feels it isn't towards her. And, fear. Amelia had blatant fear pool her every movement.
"I can't-" Then there were tears. Rare tears streaming down Amelia's face, "I can't live my life, Ina," she mumbles, as her eyes stare into Ina's, "Not without you," she mutters, so quietly it almost sounded like the short breeze.
She sees the way Ina looks at her, sorrow and pity.
Stop looking at me like that.
"You can live without me, Ame," Ina whispers.
Amelia smiles at that, chuckling bitterly, "If I could, I would've done it a long time ago. But I can't-" she takes Ina's hand, her thumb running across the rough leather of her glove, tears continue to stream down her face, "-life is so meaningless without you. I can't- I can't imagine being here, alone. I can't imagine not being with you - I can't imagine my future without you - Ina, please, please don't-"
Amelia leans forward, her forehead pressed against Ina's chest as she lets her tears stain the grass below her - she holds Ina's hand, fingers loosely intertwined. She smiles through it when she feels a hand comb through her hair, soft and slightly hesitant.
"This is hurting you, Ame," Ina whispers, and there did Amelia feel the true tremble in Ina's voice. She seemed like she'd start crying, or perhaps she already had. "I'm hurting you, Ame," she adds.
Amelia only shakes her head, not trusting her voice.
"Look at me," Ina says.
Amelia looks up, slow and tired, and she feels Ina's gloved hand under her other - the one holding her gun.
"You mean so much to me, Ame," Ina smiles at her, as her fingers gently graze Amelia's, "So much that I can't see you like this anymore," slowly, Ina raises Amelia's hand, and she places it right over her heart.
The front of the gun directed just above her chest - and Amelia feels her heart still. Her eyes widen and she makes the effort to move her hand away but Ina only pulls her back in. "Ina-" she opens her mouth but Ina's hand already over her fingers. Her index guides Amelia's to the trigger.
"For so many years," Ina smiles, but it was sad and regretful. Tears started to stream down her cheeks, "I dreamed of a time where I can live my life, freely."
Amelia feels her breath quicken.
"And as long as it was difficult, suddenly, you came into my life - or more like barged into it," Ina lets out a wet giggle, "You gave me so much more than I could ever ask for, Ame. You gave me a glimpse at a future I've spent years dreaming of - you made it into a reality and for that, thank you. Thank you so much."
Amelia took in a deep breath and she ignores the pressure of the handle against her palm as Ina pushes the gun closer to her chest, "I-I still have more," she trembles, "I- I was going to propose to you- you know?"
Ina's eyes widen for a quick moment and for a second Amelia feels her heart lighten. The priestess smiles softly at her, "You know my answer already, don't you?"
Amelia chuckles, "I'll take that as a yes," she swallows the knot in her throat but even if she did there were still tears running down her face.
They stay still for a moment. Letting the breeze brush both of their aching bodies - it all seemed surreal to Amelia. Even when she was standing in front of Ina a gun held to her chest, she stood, waiting for something, anything.
Perhaps Amelia was hoping that she would wake up. That she would be shaken by a pair of warm hands and once she opens her eyes, she'll see these same ocean blue irises staring back at her with the softest expression.
How I wish.
"Please," Amelia can't help the sob that left her lips, "Please, don't go," her hand was shaking but Ina kept it still on her heart.
There were tears streaming down Ina's cheeks, but even when her eyes were puffy, her cheeks stained with both specs of blood and crystal tears - Ina still looked so beautiful. Her face being illuminated by the moonlight, the sheer white light shining upon her as if she was had come down from heaven.
Amelia snakes her free hand around Ina's waist, pulling her close, burying her nose into the crook of the priestess's neck. But even as she tried to pull the pistol away from Ina's chest, the priestess had kept her firm grip, keeping it still against her heart.
She cries into Ina's neck.
"Please," Amelia pleads for something, but she doesn't know what.
She feels a hand comb through her hair and Amelia feels the way Ina trembles against her own body, "Ame, do it," Ina whispers and even though her voice was as steady as it always was, Amelia can feel Ina's tears wet her shoulders.
"Ina-"
"Please," Ina whispers.
Amelia grits her teeth, her jaw clenching as she tightens her hold around the gun, trying her best to steady her pounding heart, "You're such..." Amelia closes her eyes against Ina's skin, "...an idiot."
She feels Ina's light chuckle vibrate against her lips, "Shouldn't that be my line?"
Amelia stays still, her hand trembling as she brings it closer to Ina's chest. She hugs her tighter, her grip around Ina's waist desperate and afraid.
She adjusts her finger against the trigger.
Ina brushes her cheek against Amelia's blonde hair, eyes closed.
"I love you, Amelia."
Amelia cries
As she feels her world lay limp against her chest.