Work Text:
It’s quiet on the Razor Crest when he enters the ship after a long day of hunting for a quarry, only to give up and head back, regroup, and continue his search in the morning. It’s not unusual for this hour, considering it’s late and the kid is usually asleep now, but it’s… too quiet. Usually, your still up and about— fixing something on the ship, cleaning his weapons, or curled up in your usual spot by storage crates— and you would have greeted him when you heard him enter the ship, most likely to offer him whatever you’ve prepared for dinner for you and the kid, or to ask how the bounty hunt had gone. But he doesn’t hear anything other than the hum of the ship’s mechanics and a few sounds of the metal creaking because of the wind from outside. Before he had gotten the kid, or hired you to keep track of his ship and watch The Child, Din had been used to this silence since he had dealt with it for so long ; but now that he has you two traveling with him, it’s odd to be surrounded by the thick quiet that echoes throughout the ship.
Din checks the cockpit after checking your usual spot, thinking maybe you went up there to wait for him, that the kid was huddled up in his seat or in your lap… but when he gets there, neither of you are to be found. He grunts softly to himself before sighing and heading back down the latter to get to the ship below once more.
He decides he’ll find you later, maybe you’re hiding on the ship to work on one of your many projects he’s caught you working on before, and goes to see if the kid is in his hammock above his bed.
When he hits the button to his bunk, he sees something he didn’t expect.
You .
You’re sound asleep, curled up on the sad excuse he has for a bed, wearing your ripped up sweater you refuse to throw away, barefooted, blanket pushed down to the end of the cot, with the kid curled up in your arms. The Child is curled up under your chin, his little face pressed against your collarbone, sound asleep as well. Something in this scene he’s stumbled upon makes his heart ache with something he’s still refusing . You both look so peaceful, despite the bags under your eyes; the kid must have tired you out after he left, as he usually did when Din was gone on a hunt, something you’ve told him time and time again.
“The little guy gets so reckless when you leave,” you told him once before, giving him a pleading look as he started packing up his weapons for a quarry. You hadn’t seen the look he’d given you due to his helmet, or the way his eyes went down to the kid in your arms, watching with saddened eyes as he reached out for Din, almost as if he was begging for the Mandalorian to stay. He found himself wanting to stay, but he’d never admit that.
“I’ll be back,” was all he had said to you before he reached out, brushing a leather covered finger tip over one of the kid’s ears, and letting his touch linger for a brief second on your hand when your hands accidentally brushed against each other, and then he turned on his heels and walked off the ship, leaving you and the kid staring after him.
After that afternoon, you never said anything else about it, but he knew you’d stare at him with a sad and worried gaze when he announced he’d be going hunting. You never fought or argued, he knew you had accepted this when you took the job he offered. The kid though, the kid started to react to him leaving more than before; the Child would cry when he started walking down the ramp to exit the ship, and Din had to force himself not to turn on his heels and go back to the ship to sooth him. He’d hear you whispering softly to the kid, telling him that everything would be fine; Mando will be back sooner than you know it, little guy, don’t worry about him , he’d hear you say as the kid’s cries fell quiet. Then the ramp would start closing, separating you two from seeing Din, and missing the way he’d turn to glance back at the ship.
Just as it had happened that morning.
He felt guilty, in all honesty. This wasn’t a life for a kid; he’s said it before, that the kid doesn’t deserve to be cooped up on the ship all day, but he’s got no other option. Traveling with a bounty hunter wasn’t what a child should be doing, but Din couldn’t do anything. He needed money to travel the galaxy to find the kid’s kind so he could have a decent life, but that meant doing what he was doing now; hunting so he could get where they needed to go. He still doesn’t know where he was going, not really having any knowledge of where the kid was originally from, or what the kid even is— he’ll never admit it out loud, but he’s lost on where to go next. Which is why he settled for looking for other Mandalorians after he got the money to do so.
You shift on his bed, and he freezes for a long moment because he doesn’t want to get caught staring at you while you slept, watching you for any signs of waking, and is relieved when he finds that you’re still asleep. The kid doesn’t seem affected by your small movements, meaning you had worn him out while Din was gone all day. He knows he should wake you so he can get the kid in his hammock and get you to your bunk, but he doesn’t have the heart to make you move. Not yet at least.
He settles for letting you rest as he goes to find something to sate his hunger, stomach aching with the need to food, and he closes the door to his bunk, turning to head towards the small storage space where food was stored. He finds some of the ration bars you had picked out last time you three went on a supply run, grumbling in annoyance because these weren’t his favorite, but it was something quick and easy for him to devour before getting some sleep to prepare for his hunt tomorrow.
As he eats, he thinks back to you sleeping in his bunk, the feeling he keeps choosing to ignore coming back to the surface. He doesn’t say what he thinks this feeling is, he probably never will, but he knows that he cares for you. He cares for you in ways that are similar to how he feels about the kid— he wants to protect you, he wants you to stay safe, despite knowing you were fully capable of taking care of yourself, but he finds that you being here has made the Razor Crest feel less… empty. He doesn’t feel alone with you or the kid here, as he had when it was just him collecting bounties day in and day out. He feels like he has a purpose with you and the kid, that maybe he was allowed to have good things too, that he didn’t have to be miserable until the end of his days. His heart feels full when he sees you playing with the kid, when you crack a joke that makes him roll his eyes, the way you talk to yourself when you work on the ship or fixing something the kid accidentally broke, or the sound of your laughter filling the void of the ship when the kid does something adorable.
This feeling is new to him, a feeling he might have had before he became a Mandalorian, and it scares him because he doesn’t know how to explain any of this. He’d never been one with words, being someone of few words in general, and he’s unsure how to even act on these feelings. If he tried, would you laugh at him? Tell him that you don’t return these unnamed emotions he’s experiencing? Or, would you accept these feelings? Would you allow him to try and be better ?
He shakes his head at the thought. No, he can’t think like that. He had one goal currently, and that was to get the kid to his kind. He couldn’t be thinking of things he didn’t deserve. He finishes his meal quickly, ignoring the racing thoughts trying to prevent him from focusing on the task at hand. Which involved figuring out where he’d sleep since you were occupying his bed, or deciding to wake you and the kid so you could all sleep in your own beds.
Din goes back to his bunk, pressing the button to open it once again. You’re still sleeping, still curled up around the kid. He lets out a soft sigh; he’d be sleeping in the cockpit then, not wanting to wake you or the Child. He looks over you for a few more moments, taking in your mused hair and the way your hand is resting on the kid’s back in a protective way, before he raises his hand to press the button once more. Only to freeze when you stir, your eyes moving beneath your lids, a soft grunt passing your lips, before your eyes flutter open. You don’t seem to focus right away, but he can’t move as he stares at you, his breath caught in his throat as he watches you gather your bearings.
“ Kriff ,” you curse softly to yourself more to him, seeing as you still haven’t noticed him standing there staring at you, and you sigh deeply. “Didn’t mean to fall asleep,” you mutter as your eyes close once more. The kid still doesn’t stir, even as you are awake now.
You shift as if you’re about to sit up before he takes in the way you tense as your eyes land on him. You look startled, eyes wide as you stare at his visor, lips parting in surprise.
“ Maker , Mando, you scared the crap out of me,” you hiss, the hand not holding the kid against you going to your chest, holding onto your shirt, over your heart. Your eyes then go to the kid, who buries his face into your shirt, and then stills. You let out a soft sigh of relief when you realize the kid is still asleep.
He doesn’t say anything, still tense from getting caught, his breath still being held in his chest to the point that it stings .
“When did you get back?” you whisper to him, being quiet to not disturb the tiny child sleeping against you.
“Not that long ago,” he finally responds, his voice sounding rougher than he intended, but you don’t seem phased as you nod your head.
“How’d you get on then? Catch the bad guy?”
He shakes his head, “No. Decided on trying again tomorrow.”
You purse your lip at his response, “Oh. Okay… sorry you didn’t get them today.”
He shrugs.
“Did you eat?” you ask him, as if it was nothing.
“Yeah, I did.”
Another nod and you look down at the kid. Din follows your line of sight, seeing him still curled up against you, soft little snores leaving him.
“He kept me on my toes all day,” you murmur with a smile, resting your cheek against the kid’s head gently. “Wouldn’t let me get anything done since he was being so clingy.”
Din sighs, “He’s a stubborn one.”
Your smile grows more fond as you look down at the kid again, “Yeah, he sure is. He’s not the only one.”
Your gaze shifts back to Din and he feels that pang in his chest again, seeing you gazing at him with the same fond smile on your lips. You’re still half asleep, he has to remind himself, you’re not aware of how you’re looking at him or how that smile is aimed at him. You look like you’re going to fall back asleep at any moment. He should leave and let you. But he doesn’t move.
“Guess not,” he replies. A smirk crosses his lips beneath his helmet nonetheless. “He gets it from you.”
“Ha, good one, Mando,” you snort quietly, shaking your head. Your eyes narrow then, staring up at him with a sly look. “Wait… did you just— did you make a joke ? I must still be asleep then.”
He huffs, “Yeah, maybe. Don’t know why you’d be dreaming of me then.”
He doesn’t miss the way you flush at that, nor the way your breath hitches in your throat, before he watches that fond smile crossing your lips again.
“Maybe because I missed you.”
Din tenses. He’s confused. You… missed him?
“ What ?”
“The kid missed you too,” you continue as if he hadn’t reacted at all. “We both miss you when you’re gone, you know. Doesn’t feel like home when you aren’t here.”
You have to be half asleep to say all of this, he tries to convince himself because there’s no way you felt this way… right ?
“It doesn’t feel the same when you’re out there and we’re here— I know it’s to get money and all that but… still don’t like it.”
“I don’t have a choice.”
You blink up at him, staring into his soul as your eyes don’t waver from his visor, expression softening as you smile again, “I know. Not at the moment at least. Was just letting you know. To let you know people actually care about you.”
This is unexpected to say the least, and he doesn’t quite know how to react or what to say about that.
“I— thank you, I guess.”
“Wish other people would see that you aren’t some droid under there, that you’re a decent man under there,” you murmur, so quietly he almost missed it.
“I prefer it that way,” he says before he can stop himself, hands dropping to his sides as your eyes flicker down to watch them.
“It’s okay to— you’re not like that,” you struggle to get out, and he can see your brain trying to push past the fog of sleep to get your point across, huffing when it doesn’t seem to be working. “I know there’s a good man under there, Mando,” you settle for, nodding to yourself and beam up at him, as if you hadn’t just slapped him in the face with your small confession.
He doesn’t deserve this, not from you at the very least. He’s not a good man and he knows it. He’s done some terrible shit in the past, and he knows that you’re aware of it. You’ve seen him kill once or twice before, you know what his hands are capable of; there’s no possible way you saw a good man in him. But the look in your eyes as you look up at him from his bed, the innocence he sees in your statement… that tells him a different story. You saw good in him, despite what he’s done, and that makes his chest ache with a lot more emotion than he thought it would.
This feeling may be new but he knows how he feels about you, he knows that you make him want to do better; not just for you and the kid, but for himself. It’s a scary revelation to become aware of when he just figured out how he felt about you. And he knows it will be a while before he can figure out how to even admit it to himself out loud.
“You have good in you,” you add with a yawn, and he can see that you’re starting to fall asleep again, your eyes drooping as you try to continue. “I’ve seen it…”
“Go back to sleep,” he whispers, as he grabs the blanket still wrinkled up at the end of the bed, throwing it over you as your eyes close. You smile sleepily, snuggling up against the kid again, pulling the blanket over the both of you as you do so.
“See? Good,” you mumble, eyes remaining closed this time. He waits for your breath to even out before he moves out of his bunk, pressing the button to close the door to allow you and the kid to sleep, his heart still pounding, mind still reeling over your statement.
He makes his way back up to the cockpit then, settling in his chair with the intention of sleeping, but he finds that he can’t because he keeps repeating your words back to himself.
You have good in you .
He doesn’t know where you see it, how you see past the blood on his hands, or if you just turn a blind eyes and pretend you’re unaware of how many deaths have been caused by his hands— hands that are trembling slightly due to the siege of emotions he’s feeling, hands that want to hold you more than he can let himself do— but he wishes he knew. He knows come morning, you’ll forget about this (he hopes you forget it) or write it off as some vivid dream you had while he was gone, and he figures he’ll never find out what good you saw in the Mandalorian.
There’s no good in him. Even with how he saved the Child and prevented those men from experimenting on him, there’s no redemption for all the things he’s done in the past.
But… something in the way you said it, well, he wants to believe there is .
There’s a good man under there, Mando.
Your words echo in his mind as he settles, eyes closing as he wills himself to drift off, and he eventually falls asleep to the image of you and his kid curled up in his bed, waiting for him to come home.