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Jaemin grits her teeth in frustration as he trips for the second time tonight. She thought practising alone would be easier but turns out, it is as difficult as practising the dance with a partner.
Their last prom (more like a graduation ball actually since the graduating seniors are separated from the juniors) in high school is tomorrow. As much as Jaemin would rather stay home and get all the rest she missed after a hectic week of passing requirements after requirements for clearance, her parents disagreed. Prom only happens once in your life, they said. Jaemin’s pretty sure this is already her third in her whole high school life.
To make matters worse, her friends dragged her into joining the cotillion too. She remembers Donghyuck teasing her for having two left feet and Mark bribing her so she wouldn’t be alone in the hell their friend group wanted to suffer on the night before they finally graduate from high school.
She really should have said no as she danced alone in her room, probably looking like a fool if someone sees her with her arms awkwardly lifted in air, mimicking her position when she’s dancing with her partner.
She halts in her steps when her phone paused playing the classical music of their dance to make way for a message alert before resuming. Stopping the music, she opens her phone to see a message from Renjun.
jun <3
[8:43 PM] Jaeminnn
[8:43 PM] Are you practising the dance in your room?
[8:43 PM] Don’t lie, i saw you thru your window :p
Jaemin groans in embarrassment before typing a reply.
Nana
[8:44 PM] y wld u even ask if u know the answer anyways
[8:44 PM] i still hate u and hyuck for roping me in this shit btw
jun <3
[8:44 PM] Booo cmon its just a dance
[8:44 PM] Come out, ill help u :>
Jaemin sighs and fixes her hair. She checks her appearance in the mirror, taking note of whether the shirt she’s wearing is one of her worn-out-yet-still-presentable ones. She tells her mother of going outside to meet Renjun and nods when she’s told to not go far and to not stay long outside.
She and Renjun have been neighbors since the latter moved from China back in 7th grade. They became friends after weeks of awkwardly smiling to each other whenever they walked together or rode in the same bus to and from school. It wasn’t easy at first due to cultural differences and they don’t have a lot in common back then. All it took was them spending an afternoon talking for hours about stories of their own instead of the project they’re supposed to be working on for them to slowly build a friendship with such a strong foothold.
They found that Jaemin basks in the silence of listening to someone talk for hours while Renjun loves talking from her personal experiences and opinions to the random science facts she stumbles upon whenever she would drift from researching for homework.
They also have similar taste in music. Although it’s more of Renjun loving Jaemin’s recommended songs that they just share one Spotify account until now.
"Yo,” Renjun waves at her from where she’s standing in front of their gate. She’s wearing a shirt and their school’s jogging pants that Jaemin wonders if she’s not hot under those considering it’s already summer.
"How did you even see me from my window?"
"I saw your reflection through the mirror in front of your window,” Renjun grins teasingly, "You looked stupid."
Jaemin makes a face at her and mentally notes to move her mirror somewhere else.
"Anyway, let’s start," Renjun pulls her phone from her pocket to play the music for their dance.
"Wait, out here?" Jaemin’s eyes widen.
"Yes? I have to go back in thirty minutes since Ma and Pa have to go somewhere tonight."
"This is embarrassing!"
"There’s no one out here, Nana. Come on, give me your hands."
Jaemin surrenders, knowing that their street is already devoid of people once 8 o’clock strikes. She gives her hands to Renjun for the girl to place it on her, one hand on her shoulder and one hand on hers.
Jaemin masks a face of indifference and pretends that the heat on her cheeks is due to embarrassment of being seen outside dancing instead of the fluttery feeling inside her stomach.
Renjun, Jaemin notices, has her eyes downcast. Jaemin decides against telling her off on how improper it is to not look at your partner because she, too, isn’t looking at Renjun. She keeps her eyes trained on Renjun’s left ear, watching the girl’s face through her peripheral vision instead.
She gasped when she felt a sudden spike of pain on her right foot as Renjun’s foot accidentally stepped on her.
She glares at Renjun who only grins at her sheepishly. If this was any other time, she would’ve nagged the girl but she’s still in the process of letting the close proximity between them sink in.
They start dancing once they hear the cue from the music, both feet moving towards one direction. Jaemin keeps her gaze above Renjun’s shoulder, moving on muscle memory from all the practices she had to attend starting two weeks ago.
Not long after, she feels Renjun’s foot stepping on her again.
"That’s twice now!"
"Doing the male part when I’ve been doing the female one is hard, you know," Renjun huffs, pink coloring her cheeks as she still refuses to meet Jaemin’s gaze.
Jaemin knows Renjun already mastered both parts when Jeno would ask her to practice with her during lunch since the girl is that good at dancing but she decides to not speak against it. Besides, she’s not the only one struggling. Jaemin has all been carefully stepping each foot, not wanting to make a mistake but not wanting to step on the girl’s foot even more.
Seems like third time’s the charm since on the third time Renjun’s foot lands on top of Jaemin’s, Renjun finally turns apologetic.
"Sorry!" Renjun sputters, lifting her gaze to meet Jaemin only for her eyes to widen at their proximity.
Their eyes meet and Jaemin swears she could hear electricity sizzling in the air.
A beat passes and both of them averts their gaze, still continuing the dance despite the tension they could feel enveloping them.
"Pfft, I thought you’re gonna help me, why are you stepping on my foot then?" Jaemin swallows the lump that formed in her throat and teases Renjun to try lightening up the atmosphere around them.
"I’m sorry, okay? I don’t know, today must be my bad day," Renjun shrugs sheepishly.
"Are you okay?" Jaemin asks, a tinge of worry coloring her tone.
Renjun looks at her in surprise, "Yup!" She blinks the surprise out of her eyes and clears her throat, "By the way, what part are you finding hard?" Renjun asks, eyes on her.
"Uhm, the part after the switch."
They continue dancing with Renjun guiding her on the part she struggles with, her hand lightly holding her waist to guide her in the right movement. Renjun still steps on her foot sometimes throughout the dance but they both just laugh it out. Jaemin has her moments of stumbling in her feet too, almost dragging both of them to the ground one time if it weren’t for her good reflexes.
And all throughout the song, Jaemin could feel her heart pounding heavily. The heaviness is a familiar feeling, no matter how much unwelcomed it always is.
"This reminds me of something."
"Hmm?"
"The way we’re dancing," Renjun starts, "it reminds me of a title of a song."
Jaemin waits for Renjun to continue, though she already has an inkling of what song she’s referring to.
"Waltz of Four Left Feet? I saw that in your playlist."
Oh. That song. Jaemin certainly knows that song. Probably has the lyrics tattooed on the back of her mind.
No, she absolutely has the lyrics tattooed on the back of her mind, had them memorized word for word. The chords of the guitar, too. Listened to it for uncountable nights. Plays it on her guitar once in a while. Wrote several pieces and unsent messages with it playing in the background.
But whenever that song is on, she knows that whatever’s pouring out of her, may it be through writing, singing, or just thinking, is the feeling she’d been hiding far too long. The most genuine one, the rawest—stripped her bare until she’s just a mess of incoherent words and sometimes, tears.
The most heartbreaking one.
"Have you listened to it?" she asks.
Renjun gives her a knowing look, as if she knows the scenes that were accompanied by that song as the background music.
"A few times, yes."
Jaemin swallows a lump on her throat and tries to not let anything slip out, "Well, did you like it?"
"I didn’t,” Renjun meets her gaze, eyes heavy with something Jaemin can't, doesn't want to name, "I feel called out, is all."
"It’s a song about being content with loving from afar. I guess it won't kill me if I can’t hold your hand?” Renjun says, dictating a line from the song’s chorus.
"That song just put into words the feelings I’ve been burying for a while now."
Jaemin feels all the air in her lungs disappear. The heaviness Jaemin feels slowly wraps around her, wrecking her walls, invading all of her senses, making itself welcome.
"The song ends on a different note, though," Jaemin says, struggling to keep her voice steady. "The singer took back their words, I guess I can't accept this life wherein I can’t hold your hand."
"That, they did," Renjun agrees. They’re still dancing albeit slower than the supposed tempo, the song nearing its end. "They realized that and gathered the courage to face the uncertainty despite being scared of how confessing would turn out for them."
"I guess, I’ll never be able to do that," Renjun says, almost as an afterthought.
However it’s what makes Jaemin still, eyes moving from Renjun’s shoulder to meet her eyes. When she does, she almost gasps at the emotions swirling with the dark brown hue of Renjun’s irises.
"W-Why do you think that?"
"I’m too scared, terrified even. That’s all there is to it,” Renjun says softly.
The air around them turns quiet as the song comes to an end. The both of them, too, as they revel on the exchange they just had. Letting the words seep into their minds.
Jaemin is the first one to separate herself, lowering her hands and stepping back to put a small distance between them. Renjun lets her, lowering her hands in front of her to fiddle with her fingers.
Jaemin is at loss for words. The silence between them feels weird, uncomfortable. The silence that brings her back to exchanging awkward smiles whenever they would see themselves on the same bus going home.
This is what she fears the most. What kept her from speaking, from letting anything slip, from trying.
But she wasn’t the one to start it. She wasn’t the one who spoke, the one who let it slip.
It was Renjun.
And just like always, Jaemin would just listen.
The one to break the silence was Renjun, always the brave one to take one step forward.
"Do you have a date for tomorrow already?"
Jaemin tries to extinguish the spark of hope blooming in her chest but it only burns brightly instead, "Ahh, I still don’t."
"Hmm, what about that guy from your class?"
"I didn’t say yes. Besides he’d probably be bored out of his mind with me since you know, I’m just going for the sake of going to our last high school prom."
"How about you?" The question slips from Jaemin before she can bite her tongue. "Do you have one? A date for tomorrow, I mean."
Renjun straightens up, "Same as you. I’m going dateless."
"Why?" Jaemin follows up, already digging up her grave in her mind. "I mean, I saw people asking you since the day’s been announced."
"I just feel like being sentimental since this is our last one. I really don’t want to spend it with someone I barely know. I’d have more fun spending it with you guys instead,” Renjun explains.
However, there’s more to it when Renjun speaks again, voice barely audible in the stillness of the night.
"Besides, I’ve been waiting for someone to ask me out."
Jaemin snaps her gaze from the ground to Renjun, who immediately avoids her gaze and does the opposite by lowering it to her hands.
"Oh…" Jaemin gapes at her and fumbles with her words. "Why don’t—Why don’t you ask them out instead?"
Renjun shrugs, "I don’t know. I think I’ve been used to standing at the sidelines, that whenever it comes to her, I would always be terrified of crossing the lines," her cheeks are pink at her confession.
Funny how familiar that feeling is. Because that is the same feeling Jaemin has felt for years.
Renjun’s words feel strange to her. As if she listened to them while underwater, the words don’t make sense. The word terrified coming from Renjun’s lips doesn’t feel right.
Because if Renjun is something, she is anything but terrified.
Renjun had always been the braver one between them, the one who takes the first step, the one who runs ahead.
"I think… I think you should ask her out."
"You do?"
"Yes."
Renjun finally lifts her gaze, eyes blanketed with the thinnest sheet of fear, "What if she says no?"
Jaemin swallows the lump in her throat and with a firm voice, she answers.
"I doubt that."
The moment is broken when Renjun’s phone rings from her pocket. She flashes Jaemin a sheepish smile and answers. The call is short, must be her mom when she says a clipped “yes, ma” before ending the call.
“I have to go back now. They’re about to leave in a few,” she says.
“Okay.”
Despite that, no one moves from their place. They stay rooted in the ground, eyes downcast, waiting for something. Although both of them don’t know what it is they are waiting for.
All of a sudden, Jaemin gets hit by an itch on the back of her mind. By a lump too big to be swallowed. By a pounding near her ears, mimicking a clock’s ticking.
Jaemin is hit by a sudden urge to do something.
But why? She already accepted it, a long time ago, that she would always just be Renjun’s friend. She’s content with it, accepting it wholeheartedly. Just like her favorite song says.
Unless.
Is she really?
Because if she is, why is she still listening to that song on repeat? Why is she still playing that song alone in her room at 2 AM? Why is she still writing, searching for other words to convey the feeling she can’t let herself speak of?
Why then, that whenever she thinks of Renjun, all that comes to her mind is how she wants to hold her hand and never let go?
Maybe, she just needs to be brave enough to face the uncertainties. Even if she’s scared of the possibilities, of the answer that will come.
"Renjun, I'm—"
"Will you be my date for tomorrow?"
The itch and the lump disappears. The pounding stops. The song stops playing on her mind.
"Can… Can you say that again?"
Renjun meets her widened eyes head on, cheeks flushed and lip bitten red. Her fists are curled besides her to stop herself from fiddling them.
"You told me to ask her out because you’re certain she wouldn’t say no so," Renjun breathes in, seemingly taking all the courage she can get to continue speaking. "Will you go to prom with me tomorrow, Jaemin?"
Renjun is always the braver one between the two of them.
But being brave is not a competition.
Jaemin is brave too. Can be brave. More than that, she wants to be brave.
She takes a deep breath as she runs in her mind the things she wants to say. The feeling she wants to unveil.
Feelings that are hidden for so long will always be nerve-wracking to confess, even though they are returned by the person whom they are for.
"Won’t you ask me what I was supposed to say first?"
"Okay. What were you about to say earlier?" Renjun gives her a confused look, apprehension flashing in her eyes as she meets Jaemin’s which are also filled with the nervousness she feels.
"Huang Renjun," the name comes out of her lips not much louder than a whisper, the name she calls everyday and prays for every night.
"I'm in love with you. Will you go with me tomorrow?"
There. It’s out.
She did it.
She watches as Renjun’s expression clears. Her eyes widen in surprise, lips gaping open and pink coloring her cheeks even more. Her closed fists open and hang loosely at her sides.
A beat passes and words stumble out of Renjun’s lips without restraint.
"Na Jaemin, I'm in love with you too and I'd love to go with you anywhere and anytime you want."
It was Jaemin’s turn for her eyes to widen and before she knows it, laughter is spilling out of her lips. She raises her hand to cover her mouth but it’s still evident in the way her eyes are narrowing into half-moons.
Soon, Renjun joins him and laughs at her own words after it dawned on her how cheesy they sounded. She runs her hand through her hair, pushing them behind her ear in embarrassment.
"What was that?" Jaemin asks through her muffled laughs.
"I—Too fast?" Renjun asks.
"No, I just—" Jaemin takes a deep breath, failing to reduce the smile on her face to make speaking easier. "I want to take you on a date first before anything else. On the day after graduation maybe?" That’s only two days from now.
Renjun grins at her brightly, even brighter than the moon shining above them.
"Okay. Prom tomorrow,” she takes a step forward and reaches for Jaemin’s hand, intertwining it with her smaller one. “and then, the day after graduation.”
Jaemin smiles and squeezes Renjun’s hand in hers.
Tomorrow then.