Chapter Text
A black cat with a white feather in its mouth, as if she had just eaten an angel for breakfast.
She was the first thing Jaemin saw, stepping out of the hospital.
Carefully, Jaemin squatted next to her, reaching out his hand. “C’mere, kitty, kitty, kitty.” But before his fingertips touched her soft fur, her gaze turned hostile. She hissed and humpbacked, scratched his hand with lightning speed, and ran away as if stung by a tarantula. Dumbfounded, Jaemin blinked.
“Hey, that wasn’t very nice of you!” He blew on the stinging slight wound on the back of his hand and wiped off the blood, pouting. Apparently, not every living being appreciated being touched by the great Na Jaemin.
He rose from where he had been squatting on the ground and pulled his black leather jacket more tightly around him as he shivered in the fresh spring breeze. Life and colors were finding their way back into his body, skin, heart. Taking a quick glance at his phone, he checked thet time. They will pick me up soon.
He then brushed his hair out of his eyes, put on his cap, and strolled down the steps towards the street, hands shoved into his pockets; whistling a song to himself he had listened to earlier. Recommended by Taeyong and Jaemin had been listening to on a continuous loop the past few days.
The light of the rising sun blinded him as more of that golden disk appeared from behind the buildings, so he closed his eyes and tilted his head back, and deeply inhaled in the crisp air. Held it. Released. Opened his eyes again.
“Hello world, Na Jaemin is back,” he whispered, stretching and gazing up to the azure sky. Sunlight touched his cheeks, dipping it in gold, and a delighted smile blossomed on his lips.
The air smelled of rain, while inside the hospital it smelled of disinfection, humans and dead flowers. Never again should he have to enter this building.
… and the cat watched him hidden under rustling bushes. Observing Jaemin, the cat’s whiskers twitched as if she were laughing at him and the sky above his head clouded over, darkening sun.
The white feather had fallen to the ground and got caught by the wind, brushed Jaemin in her wild dance, and got carried away, spiraling up towards the sky. A cruel glint twinkled in the cat’s eyes before she rose and cast him one final, long glance over her shoulder.
Twice you have tempted fate. All good things come in threes, Jaemin.
Jaemin winced and looked around in confusion. His heart had suddenly started beating faster.
The cat left, but the strange feeling in Jaemin’s stomach stayed.
*********************
“Jaeminnie! Welcome back into the land of the living, my brave little brother!” someone called out. Jaemin turned to the voice and smiled as he saw his older sister running toward him, waving frantically, followed by his mom.
After they had given him a brief and warm welcome, family Na headed to Jaemin's favorite coffee shop for breakfast and settled in a quiet corner.
Leaning his head on his hand, Jaemin gazed out the window, observing life happening out there. A gentle smile played on his lips.
It was a busy street with people strolling down the pavement. Some sat in the sun despite the cold and enjoyed steaming coffees and tempting snacks, others were going to work or school.
Life here moved at a faster pace than inside the hospital. Still, it felt unreal to him. Four weeks he had stared at white walls and looked at the same faces day in and day out. It got him disconnected from reality. This city was restless, bustling, cramped. And he loved it.
The server brought their food and drinks and he took his elbow off the table, leaning back into the soft cushion of the couch.
“Are you comfortable, Jaemin? Are you in pain? Do you need your medication?” his mother asked him straight away, and he just shook his head.
“I’m fine. Perfectly happy.”
Caring as she was, she pushed the gigantic piece of chocolate cake over to him across the table. His eyes widened.
“Is that for me?” he asked, pointing his index finger back and forth between himself and the cake. That looked delicious - and this was how chocolate heaven on earth must smell like.
“You’ve gotten so thin, Jaemin,” his mother said with a frown.
“So ...the nurses let you go without a fight?” Eunji popped a piece of fruit into her mouth.
“Only after I promised to visit together with my self made chocolate cookies,” he smiled and took a sip of his strawberry smoothie, stuffing his mouth with a fork full of chocolate cake the very next second.
“Last time everyone had tears in their eyes and looked as if the sun was going to set forever. I’m positive the nurses are still mourning the loss of you to this day. “
“Stop that nonsense,” their mother intervened.
“Oh, come on mom, just look at your son, will you? He’s young, he’s hot, can dance, sing and is famous. Boys like Jaemin are like catnip to the ladies. I’m talking about facts here.” She crossed her arms and leaned back. “That he doesn’t even blush at these words shows this brat is perfectly aware of it!”
“Oh, keep talking Eunji, finally the good part is coming,” Jaemin said with a mischievous chuckle, lips twitching in amusement.
“Mom, be proud of him for once,” his sister continued, unperturbed.
“The ladies in the hospital have been decent and nice towards me,” Jaemin remarked in a calm voice and ran his hand through his hair. The roots were black, the tips brittle and blond. Yeah, he definitely needed a haircut. He looked like a bum. “But I’m just thrilled to breathe the fresh air, to sit with you guys, and to be back on stage, together with my friends, soon.”
“You mean in a minimum of two months. Are you sure you don’t want to return home with us?” his mom asked, studying his face with a concerned look.
He became serious, tensed and shook his head. “Yeah, it ... it would just feel like that time again. Everyone’s there to take care of me. And I can always go to NCT 127 dorm if I get lonely and want cuddles.”
His mother blew out a heavy breath, but Jaemin was stubborn.
That’s when his cell phone buzzed. A wave tingled through his entire body, from his heart to the tip of his fingers, seeing who had sent him the message.
It was from Jeno. A text of what they were up to today with an attached photo showing everyone in the van on their way to dance practice. Sleepy, grumpy, and neither amused nor entertained that Jeno took a picture of them so early in the morning. Jaemin smiled. He loved his chaotic bunch.
“Love is in the air,” his sister purred, playing with the straw sticking out of her banana milkshake.
His mother’s eyes lit up. “Who is the lucky girl?”
“It’s just Jeno,” Jaemin brushed it off, annoyed, and immediately felt as if he had betrayed his friend. It’s just Jeno was the understatement of the century. Jeno was the man he wanted to kiss till he dropped.
Out of the corner of his eye, he saw two young girls staring at him curiously. Fangirls. “Is it okay if we leave?” he asked and restlessly shifted on the couch.
Following his gaze, his mother gave a small nod. “Of course, Jaemin. I’m sure you can’t wait to see your friends.” She got up to pay. As soon as she had her back turned to them, his sister leaned over the table. Humming and smiling, he looked up from his phone and put it aside.
“What’s up, sweet sister of mine?”
“Jeno is a great man,” she whispered.
Confused, he narrowed his eyes at her. “That he is.”
She put a hand over his and squeezed it. “I’ll talk to mom, so don’t worry.”
“You don’t have to,” he said, eyeing her skeptically. But she’d known for a long time that he didn’t just date women.
“I want to, though. I'll convince her, that love between the same gender is just as beautiful. Whatever relationship you guys have - I want it to work. You two deserve happiness. Trust me, I’ve had my eye on this for a while now, your face lights up whenever you’re hearing his name. “
“But we aren’t in any...any...” he trailed off, blushed, and hid his face behind his hands. “Gosh, why are you so straightforward?”
She giggled. “Cute.” Then her face turned serious. “Jaemin.” She paused, looked at their hands and squeezed his even tighter. “I love you very much, my brave little brother. My heart won’t take it if you’ll scare me to death a second time.”
The next moment their mother returned and they stepped outside.
“And you’re sure you don’t want us to give you a ride?”
He shook his head. “Jaehyun will pick me up in a minute.”
“Oh.” His sister’s eyes flashed. “Why don’t we wait until then, mom?”
“No, we’re going now. “
“How callous.”
“Such is life, my child.”
“Take care Jaemin. Don’t forget to text me every day.” His mother placed a hand on his left cheek and kissed the other.
Jaemin smiled. “I will.”
In her eyes, he was still the insecure, flaky teenager she’d released into a world outside of herself with uneasy feelings and tears in her eyes to enable him to pursue his dream. Jaemin knew that she often doubted whether she had made the right decision. Maybe another path would have been a better one for him? Because every time they parted, she asked him the same question. Today was no exception.
“Are you still happy, Jaemin?”
“Yes, I am. I truly am.”
His older sister pulled him into a careful embrace. Normally she’d have squeezed him until he was out of breath, but that’d send him straight back to the ER right now.
He was a tad sad as they left, waving one last time. But he was looking forward to finally getting back on track.
“Okay!” He straightened his shoulders and smiled radiantly as Jaehyun pulled up in his car and rolled down the window.
“Hey, pretty boy. Wanna go for a ride?”
Jaemin laughed. “With the greatest of pleasure.”
*********************
They engaged in a harmless conversation to pass the time, Jaehyun kept him up to date on what had been going on lately. Jaemin leaned his elbow against the window, propped his head in his hand, and watched the vibrant streets of Seoul at midday while listening to Jaehyun’s gentle and reassuring voice. He had always enjoyed talking to Jaehyun and it helped ease the sinking feeling in his stomach that was growing stronger the closer they got to the dorm.
He was just laughing at a silly joke, Haechan’s new running gag, when his phone rang. Pulling it out of his pocket he looked at the screen. Jeno. His heart skipped a beat, and butterflies fluttered in his stomach. Well, Jeno helped to heal his pain better than any medication ever could.
Jaehyun didn’t miss his reactions, but just smiled knowingly to himself, stepping on the gas.
“Jenooo ~ do you miss me? I was just thinking about you,” Jaemin greeted his best friend, all smiles.
“Hey Jaem. What a coincidence.” Jaemin heard soft laughter coming over the phone.
“To what do I owe the honor of your call?”
“I wanted to know what you were up to today.” In the background, you could hear music playing and Jaemin thought he overheard Renjun and Jisung talking.
Jaemin’s smile widened. “The usual. Lying around, counting the holes in the ceiling, flirting with the beautiful nurses and the nice handsome doctor...”
Jeno just hummed, shouting something to Jisung. “I’m looking forward to tomorrow,” he then said.
“Me too. I missed you guys.” I missed you, Jeno.
“That’s about as long as any of us will wait for our Jaemin.” Jeno went silent for a moment. “Wait, what ... what was that sound? Was that a car honking just now?” he suddenly asked, clearly confused.
“Oh, no, no, no, I just ... I’m at the vending machine and there’s this bratty, noisy kid. Oh, I gotta go, it’s time for lunch. I’ll call you tomorrow morning, Jeno. Take care, say hi to the others for me. You’re my all-time favorite Jeno.” Well, that had been a close call.
“See you tomorrow, Jaemin. Have a nice day. I… I mean, we’re eagerly awaiting your return. My all-time favorite Jaemin. Gosh, it’s embarrassing saying that out loud.”
“See you then. I can’t wait.” He chuckled softly.
Jaemin hung up, an unstoppable smile lit up his face, and Jaehyun glanced at him out of the corner of his eye, smirking.
“Well, isn’t he great? The way he casually ensures that everyone is doing okay suits his personality so well,” he announced, waggling his brows, and had Jaehyun laughing in response.
They were just stopping at a red light and Jaemin was watching a cute little puppy clumsily wobbling along the sidewalk, as Jaehyun frowned at him, thoughtfully.
“You sure you don’t want to tell anyone you’re coming back today and not tomorrow?”
“Yes, it’s better that way. I know they’ll have dance practice until tonight. I can settle back in until then.”
“Still, you shouldn’t be alone,” Jaehyun expressed his worries. “I’m afraid I have another appointment, otherwise I would...”
“Jaehyun,” Jaemin interrupted him, “it’s okay, really. I’m okay.”
Jaehyun sighed in surrender. “But if there’s any problem, please call me right away.”
“I will.”
They arrived and Jaehyun parked at the entrance.
Jaemin had swung one leg out of the car when he hesitantly paused in his movements.
“Jaehyun?”
“Yes?”
“I ... I’ve been meaning to tell you this for a while.” He fell silent for a moment. “I wanted to thank you for being there for Jeno when ... when everything was so hard for him on that day. It meant a lot, and I hope I can give you something back someday.”
“You don’t have to thank me. You’re giving enough by just existing, laughing, being happy. Don’t worry about it, Jaemin,” Jaehyun stated calmly and smiled.
“But- “
“No buts. Now hush, go, they need my presence at the studio, I’m a busy man.”
Jaemin grinned. “Pardon your lordship.” He got out and waved at Jaehyun, who winked at him in return, driving off to the studio. The second goodbye of the day.
Jaemin took a deep breath and tried to suppress the urge to make a U-turn right away. He turned around to face the tall apartment complex that cast its long shadow over him.
His fingers unconsciously came to touch the scratch wound on his hand. After a moment’s hesitation, he mustered up his courage and went inside the building.
And far above the rooftops of Seoul, a lone white feather fluttered in the wind.