Archive of Our Own ^beta

 Jensen’s hands were sweating. He could fit twenty high schools into the college campus, maybe more. The buildings all looked the same; it was highly unlikely Jensen would remember the names and locations of everything.

He was very quiet in high school. College was supposed to be an opportunity to branch out and make more than one friend. He was supposed to speak out and stop letting people walk all over him.

But when he walked into his dorm room and there was a tall, way too attractive, intimidating guy sitting on the opposite bed, Jensen felt like he was going to faint. His timidity around new people clearly hadn’t dissipated. And now the guy was looking at him. Fuck, no, Jensen wasn’t good at this. He couldn’t communicate with people. Especially new people. New, attractive, scary looking people.

Jensen opened his mouth and then closed it again. He tried to squeak out a hello and he was on the verge of saying something when the guy commented, “You look like a fish.”

According to the door, his roommate’s name was Jared. Jensen and Jared. Two J’s.

The Jared’s phone dinged and he left the room. Jensen sank down onto his own bed. He didn’t have to talk to the guy, but he didn’t think their first interaction would be any better if he had. The guy was just like everyone who bullied Jensen in high school. He just had to survive college the way he did high school—lots of time in the library, avoiding eye contact, and speaking only when necessary.

He mentally scolded himself. He swore that college would be the time to change. He was not going to be the timid little nerd that sat alone. College was bigger and more open-minded than high school. One grouchy roommate would not dampen the experience, not if Jensen had anything to say about it.

His parents weren’t the type of people to come and see him off at college. They hugged him goodbye and helped him pack, but they seemed a little too grateful to see him off. Jensen didn’t even want to think about their reaction if he admitted he preferred the hard planes of a man instead of the soft curves of a woman. They weren’t openly homophobic, they were the “don’t ask, don’t tell” people. Jensen’s quite, antisocial life didn’t merit much attention from his family. At least he could fly under the radar.

Jensen sighed, his mind running away from him again. His roommate had quite obviously claimed one bed, so Jensen sank down on the other one. He had a couple posters, including a Metallica and a Led Zeppelin one, but the only family picture he had was he and Mac at her last birthday party.

Even when he had everything set up, his side paled in comparison to Jared’s. Jared’s side was littered with photos, posters, and clothes. Even his sheets were cooler than Jensen’s. Ordinarily sheets with rocket ships would be lame but Jared seems to make it cool, purely because Jared was cool. If he wasn’t hanging out with friends, he was texting them in the dorm room and laughing when Jensen tried to study. When his friends started joining Jared in the room, Jensen gave up on his study spot and migrated to the library.

 It’s not like Jared or any of his friends gave any attention to Jensen aside from a sideways glance, but they didn’t have to look at him to radiate the feeling of that guy’s a total freak. Jensen became very attuned to that feeling in high school.

The library was peaceful. It was way bigger than the high school library and had a distinct lack of giggling teenagers full of angst and hormones. He could curl up with a book or study for a test and no one would point at him and whisper, “There’s that weird Ackles kid.”

College wasn’t the experience he thought it would be, but it was better than high school.

*

Jensen’s first friend was more of an accident than anything. He was walking to his first class with his head in a book, and accidentally ran head first into someone else. He dropped his book and stammered apologies to the man. “I didn’t see you, I’m so sorry, I-,”

“Calm down,” The voice said. “Least I wasn’t holding coffee.” He offered Jensen a hand up. He was shorter than Jensen but still looked intimidating. “I’m Chris Kane.”

He offered his hand and Jensen shook it tentatively. “Jensen Ackles.” Jensen looked at his watch. “Uh, I’m gonna be late, so I should go…”

“Where you headed?” Chris asked.

“Introduction to Creative Writing,” Jensen replied. “Carver Edlund.”

“Cool, I’m headed there too,” Chris said. “Let’s walk.”

And just like that, Jensen made a friend.

Chris was bold and outgoing. If he had something to say, he was definitely not afraid to speak his mind. But he was witty and made sitting through a remedial grammar unit less completely awful. Despite their varying personalities, Jensen found that they actually had a lot in common. They liked the same kind of music and Chris said he was in a band with his friend Steve. “You should hang out with us sometime,” Chris offered. “Steve’s cool. You’d fit right in.”

And then Jensen had two friends.

*

Jensen still spent a lot of time in the library, but he also hung out with Chris and Steve. Steve balanced out Chris perfectly, calm and coolheaded when Chris was loud and impulsive. Chris and Steve shared a dorm room and the first time they invited Jensen over he felt like a third wheel. Chris and Steve had lots of inside jokes, which made sense since they’d known each other since 8^th grade. But the two of them easily accepted Jensen into the folds.

“So,” Chris said. “First frat party of the season tonight.”
Jensen’s Friday nights usually consisted of a book and his headphones. Jared was hardly ever in the room on Friday or Saturday nights, so the room was finally quiet. He didn’t really see a frat party as any sort of enjoyment.

“I’m in,” Steve agreed. “Jensen?”
Jensen shrugged. “Sorry guys. Not really my scene.”

“C’mon! You never know if you like it until you try it,” Chris wheedled.

Jensen didn’t think that was true, he never tried a lot of things but he knew he wouldn’t like them. Frat parties were definitely in the top ten on the list. “I don’t know…”
“You’re only young once,” Steve said. “You’ll be with us. If you don’t like it, you don’t have to go to another one.”
Jensen sighed. “Okay. But just this one time.”
“And who knows?” Chris added. “You might even like it.”

*
Jensen was right. He didn’t like frat parties. It was loud and there were people gyrating on each other and flashing lights. As soon as he entered the house someone shoved a beer into his hands and clapped a hand on his shoulder hard enough to make him stumble forward. Steve caught him and smiled apologetically. “We don’t have to stay very long.”

It didn’t take more than ten minutes to lose Chris and Steve. He didn’t know anyone else and became squished amongst a crowd of sweaty, hormonal college kids. He pushed bodies out of the way in a frantic search for a door, but the mass of bodies prevented him from moving two steps. A little beer sloshed on his shirt and Jensen groaned. “I need to get out of here.”

He fought his way out of the throngs of people until he was on the fringes of the dancing. He scanned the room for Chris and Steve again. He did a double take when his eyes spotted a familiar mop of brown hair. Figures. Jared is exactly the type of person Jensen expected to see at a frat party. Loud, popular, no time for anyone that doesn’t fit into his lifestyle—excellent frat boy material.

He jumped when someone grabbed his arm. “What th-,”
“You haven’t touched your beer,” Chris slurred in his ear.

“You’ve touched too many of them,” Jensen teased. “You’re drunk.”

“’S a good thing we walked here,” Chris replied. His whole body drooped onto Jensen. “Imma go find Steve…and alcohol.” He pointed at Jensen’s drink. “Drink that. Don’t let perfectly good beer to waste.”

He stumbled away and Jensen followed him. He only got a few steps before more people blocked his way. His shirt was damp with other people’s sweat and spilled alcohol. The heat from his palm seeped into the beer. Jensen glanced at it. He was never much for alcohol, but maybe drinking could be part of the New Jensen. He wouldn’t have to be an alcoholic but he could probably have a little fun now, couldn’t he? There was nothing wrong with that.

*

He remembered the first bitter sip of beer, and then everything was a little bit of a blur from then on. He finished the first beer and vaguely remembered another one being shoved in his hand. Everything became kinda foggy but good. He started to enjoy the party.

Jensen might have started to dance instead of just standing around like a tool. He thinks Chris and Steve might have showed up at one point and they were all dancing. At the end of the night he could barely stand up, much less walk to the dorm room. There were voices talking around him and he heard his name. “Tha’s me,” Jensen slurred.

A low voice chuckled and said, “You’re so wasted.” It sounded like Chris but he was so far away.

“I’ll take him. We’re going the same direction.”
Jensen didn’t recognize the second voice, but it was a very nice voice. Very masculine. Jensen’s inner gay was definitely waking up to the sound of that voice. A strong arm looped under Jensen and helped him shakily stumble back to the dorm room. “Let’s go, Jensen. Use your legs, fucking lightweight.”

Jensen sagged against the body. “M’kay.”

The man with his nice, deep voice kept Jensen from falling flat on his face and even assisted him into bed. “Thanks, man,” Jensen said.

“Yeah, well, I’m just excited to see you with a hangover tomorrow morning,” the voice said.

Jensen made to say something else but he was really drunk and ended up passing out on his sheets.

*

Jensen got a lot of stress-headaches in high school, especially his senior year. But he’d never had a headache this bad, not ever. He could hear his heartbeat in his eyes and he felt like he could throw up. “Nghn.”
Jared chuckled on the bed across from him. “Lightweight. You didn’t have more than two beers.”
Jensen glared at him. He was ready to come up with some clever comeback, but his stomach lurched and he barely got his head over the trash can before everything he ate yesterday came right back up.

Jared scrunched up his nose. “Ew.” Jensen’s oh so compassionate roommate grabbed his phone and slid out the door.

Jensen moaned and bent over the trash. The smell was nauseating and Jensen bolted to the bathroom before he threw up on the floor. He debated “accidentally” puking on Jared’s bed, but he wasn’t that mean. Jared might be that kind of jerk, but Jensen wasn’t.

When his stomach was empty, he waddled back to the room and tucked himself under the covers. He considered going back to sleep but his phone blared in his ear. “Fuck,” Jensen groaned. He fumbled it open. “Hello?”

“You sound like hell,” Steve answered.

“I feel like it,” Jensen replied. “Can you hit Chris for persuading me to go to that stupid party?”

Jensen heard retching in the background. “I think he regrets it himself,” Steve said. “He’s too pathetic to hit right now but I’ll allow you the honor the next time we see each other.”

Jensen massaged his temples. He’d taken Advil but the headache hadn’t receded. “I think I’m dying.”

“Jared’s not there taking care of you?” Steve teased.

Jensen snorted. “He called me a lightweight and then left. Not exactly a saint.”
“Well he did bring you home last night,” Steve commented.

The faint memory of a guy with messy brown hair half-carrying his home flitted through his mind. “That was Jared?”

“Well it’s not like we’d just pass you off to a random stranger,” Chris shouted in the background.

“How did he hear me?”
“You’re on speaker,” Steve explained. “I didn’t feel like holding the phone.”

“Which is funny, because he’s not the one puking his guts out!” Chris yelled again.

“Stop being a baby,” Steve replied.

Jensen groaned. None of this yelling was helping his headache. “I’m gonna go back to sleep, but this has been fun. I’m never going out with you again.”

“Whatever you say, Jenny,” Chris called. “Bye!”

“Don’t call me Jenny,” Jensen replied and then disconnected the call.

He shut the blinds tightly and buried his head in the pillow. Hopefully when he woke up again the Advil will have kicked in.

*

God had decided to be kind to Jensen, because he managed to crawl out of bed without the feeling of a hammer slamming into his temple. Now that he didn’t feel like he was going to throw up his stomach grumbled. “Okay, okay,” Jensen said. “We’re going to get food. And coffee.”

There was a coffee shop called Java Lava Bean located a block away from Jensen’s dorm that he discovered on the first day. Jensen was a coffee junkie, so the first thing he did when he unpacked was find the closest source of caffeine. The shop was small and cozy and didn’t charge five dollars a drink like the big chain stores.

His favorite barista was Danneel, who by now had memorized Jensen’s drink. She’d even managed to perfect the amount of sugar Jensen liked in his coffee. He might even call them friends.

“Hey, Jensen,” Danneel greeted. “Usual?”

Jensen smiled at his friend. “Yes, please. I need caffeine.”

She winked. “Did you go to that party last night?”
“How did you know?” Jensen asked incredulously.

Danneel laughed. “I know what a hangover looks like. Didn’t think parties were your scene. I figured you for a library kid.”

Jensen groaned and took the cup of coffee Danneel thrust at him. “Chris talked me into it. He said that if I didn’t like it, I never had to go to another one.”
“What’s the verdict?”
Jensen rubbed at his temples with the hand not holding the mug. “I don’t remember most of it, but the hangover gives me an idea about how little fun it was.”

Someone cleared their throat behind Jensen and he noticed that a line had formed while Danneel and he chatted. He waved a goodbye and went to sit in one of the chairs. He closed his eyes and inhaled the wonderful scent of coffee. His headache was already starting to dissipate.

He drank it slowly, closing his eyes and moaning at the taste.

“You know, you sound like you’re having an orgasm when you drink coffee,” Danneel commented.

Jensen opened his eyes. “Aren’t you supposed to be working?”

She smirked and grabbed the seat across from him. “I took my break. Besides, there’s like 3 people in the store and Gen is okay working the counter.”

Jensen glanced over. A small brunette leaned against the counter with her phone out in front of her. “She seems nice.”
“She’d eat you alive,” Danneel replied.

Jensen scrunched up his brow. “What do you mean?”

“You know, if you’re thinking about asking her out. You don’t have a chance,” Danneel clarified.

“Thanks for the advice, I guess,” Jensen said. “I’m not really interested in her.”

“Are you interested in me? Because I’m flattered, but-,”
“I’m not interested in anyone,” Jensen interrupted. “Especially not you and Gen.”
“Well, I feel slightly offended,” She said. Her eyes widened. “Oh, I think I get it. You’d be more interested in my brother.”
Jensen flushed. “No.”
Danneel rolled her eyes. “Please. I wasn’t born yesterday, Jensen. Gen’s boobs are basically spilling over her shirt and you haven’t given her a second glance.”

Jensen shrugged. “You said she’d eat me alive so I backed off.”

“You don’t have to lie to me,” Danneel said. “I’m your friend.”

“Friend?” Jensen echoed.

Danneel giggled. “Yeah, Jensen. Friend. As in someone that you hang out with and confide in? Which includes your sexuality, by the way.”
Jensen took a huge sip of his coffee and welcomed the burn on his tongue. “I’m not out.”

“Well duh,” She responded. “I’m not asking you to march in a pride parade. But I’m totally calling dibs on fag hag.”

Jensen gulped another mouthful of coffee.  “I don’t even know what that means.”

“We can gossip about boys and fashion and go shopping together!”

Jensen crinkled his nose. “I’m not that gay, Danneel. I like guys, not clothes.”

“Yeah, yeah.” She glanced at the counter. “I should get back before I get in trouble, but this has been fun. Here’s my number, you should give me a call.” She slipped a piece of paper to him. “And we can gossip about boys.”

Jensen laughed, and realized that he’d made a third friend.

*

Despite his three friends, which were more friends than Jensen could have ever hoped to have, he hadn’t made any headway with Jared. They never seemed to be in the room at the same time, and when they were they were either asleep or firmly engrossed in studying. It was halfway through November and they still avoided each other at all costs. And then things became really awkward.

Jensen knew that people hooked up at college. Friday night parties—and Saturday night parties, and parties in general—usually ended in some sort of hookup. Casual sex wasn’t unusual or unheard of. Jensen just never really had an idea of what it was like until he walked into his dorm room and was met with Jared panting and fucking someone into the bed. Jensen involuntarily gasped and Jared’s head shot up. “Shit, sorry!” Jensen said quickly. He grabbed his bag and hurried out of the room.

He decided to go to Chris and Steve’s room. He let Chris laugh at his situation before he joined them in a poker game. He’d never played poker before, and in the first few games he lost epically. He didn’t understand the combinations and his poker face was nonexistent. Thank goodness they played with m&m’s instead of money. Towards the end, though, Jensen thought he improved. He managed to finish with a few red m&m’s instead of broke and chocolate-less.

*

Jensen ended up crashing on Chris and Steve’s floor. He didn’t want to risk sneaking back into their room and being met with Jared’s dick. Jensen barely got a glimpse of his dick, but if it was proportional to the rest of Jared’s body it was certainly large. Jared’s large, firm body that had sweat on all the curves…

Jensen shook out his head and cursed the traitorous dick that plumped up when Jared’s body popped into his head. His roommate was a jerk, it didn’t matter that he had an amazing body. He was just like everyone who bullied Jensen in high school.

Jensen felt gross and he really wanted a change of clothes, so he had to brave a naked Jared to feel less rank. “You can borrow some clothes,” Chris offered.

“No offense, but I’m not sure they’d fit,” Jensen replied. “I’m taller than you by a few inches.”
Chris flipped him off. “I open my house to you, offer you my clothes, and this is how you treat me. Fine, go back to your own room. I’ll laugh at you if you see Jared’s dick again!”

Jensen shook his head and thanked his two friends. His mind was torn between really not wanting to see Jared naked, and wanting to see the hard planes of his body. The gay side of his mind was screaming to see Jared naked, and have those perfect biceps holding Jensen down and fucking him…

Jensen’s dick started to fill with blood and he groaned. He tried to think of all the unsexy things he could find. By the time he reached his room, he was mostly soft again.

He knocked on the door. “Hello?”
“You’re fine,” Jared yelled on the other side. “No naked skin here.”

When Jensen entered his room, the scent of sex assaulted his nose. “Ew,” He muttered under his breath.

“Maybe if you got out more, and met some girls instead of hiding behind your books, you wouldn’t so be grossed out by sex,” Jared said. “Just saying.”

Jensen grabbed his toothbrush and a change of clothes. “Whatever.” It wasn’t his finest comeback, but he didn’t want Jared to have the last word.

Once he put on clean clothes and brushed his teeth, he felt much better. He wanted coffee and maybe a muffin if he was willing to spoil himself. Danneel would make fun of him forever if he knew he walked in on Jared having sex and then flipped out.

*

Danneel found out anyways.

Jensen didn’t mean for it to slip out, but she asked how his night was and he sort of blurted out that he was at Chris and Steve’s, and then he had to tell her why. She laughed for five minutes straight and then called Jensen a prude. She said it in an affectionate way, but it sounded so much like what Jared said that Jensen started to sulk again.

“I don’t want to go out and have casual sex,” Jensen told Danneel. “But that’s what people do. Jared said I have to do that so I wouldn’t be so weird.”
She raised her eyebrow. “Those were his words verbatim?”

“Okay, no, not exactly,” Jensen admitted. “I read between the lines.”
“Look, fuck what Jared thinks. You don’t even like the guy, why should it matter what he thinks about you?” Danneel pointed out.

Jensen nibbled on his nail. “He’s just like the people in high school that pushed me around. I guess it’s just a little too similar for me.”

Danneel squeezed his arm. “You’re in college now. People are less shallow and stupid, and they don’t have the time to pick on people. No one cares about the stuff that they cared about in high school. Jared is a freshman high on college parties and girls, but he’ll calm down soon. You might even become friends.”
Jensen snorted. “Friends? With Jared? I highly doubt it.”

She shrugged. “Give it time.”

He got his coffee in a to-go cup and wandered to the library. It’s possible that he did spend too much time in the library to find someone to date or hook up with, but Jensen was comfortable in the library. He was used to the setting, the books, the quiet scratching of pencils on paper, and the faint clicking of keyboards. This is where Jensen felt most at home.

He startled when he heard his name. But when he looked up, no one was paying attention to him. He must have imagined it. A few moments later, however, he heard his name in a hushed tone again. A couple tables away, a group of people was huddled together, whispering. Jensen recognized Jared’s floppy hair and the girl that worked with Danneel at Java Lava. He recalled that her name was Genevieve or Gen or something like that. He didn’t know why Jared and his friends would be talking about him, so he tuned his brain back into Biology.

“He’s just so strange,” Gen whispered. “He’s always alone and he never seems to talk.”

“It’s a shame, too, because he’s so pretty,” A blonde girl beside Gen said.

A guy next to Jared shook his head sympathetically. “Sucks that he’s your roommate, Jared.”

Jensen’s stomach dropped. He knew he should have left the library. He never should have believed that college could be different. And now his one special hiding spot wasn’t even safe. Maybe that was the problem. Maybe Jared’s friends had a point. He was weirder than other people. He was shy and preferred books to beer.

Jared and his friends started whispering again. He heard his name again, and adjectives like “weird” and “loner”. Jared never joined them, but he did laugh at their jokes. Jensen shook of the strange twisting in his stomach and started to gather up his books.

His parents always told Jensen that he had cat feet. He’d managed to master the art of enter and leaving an area without anyone hearing him. But his bag got caught on the edge of the table and a couple of his textbooks clattered on the floor. People studying at the neighboring tables glared up at him, including Jared’s table. They seemed to realize that Jensen overheard them and their expressions danced between disdainful and guilty.

“Jensen…” Jared said his name but nothing else. Jensen ducked his head and fumbled with his textbooks before sprinting out of the library.

*

Jensen didn’t know why he was upset over this. Jared wasn’t the first one to call him a loner. Jensen knew he was weird. It just sucked. Jensen thought that when he was in college, he wouldn’t be treated like the weird kid that never had a partner for school projects. He scrubbed his eyes furiously. He was not going to cry because some jerk and his friends thought he was freaky. His tear ducts were out of sync with the rest of his body and refused to stop watering.

He didn’t want to go to the dorm and risk seeing Jared, but he couldn’t hide in the library. That was too predictable. Gen worked at Java Lava so that was out. Jensen didn’t really want to face Chris and Steve, which meant the only available option was wandering aimlessly around the campus and maybe sleeping on a park bench until he could go home for thanksgiving.

He had two weeks before thanksgiving break, where he could spend a few days being scrutinized by his family instead of college students.

Jensen walked until his legs hurt and then sat down at a picnic table. Las Angeles was never really cold. Even though it was night in November it was hardly a degree below 60. He probably could sleep out here. He did run the risk of being incorrectly identified as a homeless person and then having to deal with that gigantic mess. Jensen sighed. He should probably just go back to his room. He could claim a headache and sleep it off, then tough it out until thanksgiving break.

It didn’t matter either way because the room was empty when Jensen got back. Apparently Jared didn’t want to see Jensen any more than Jensen wanted to see Jared. He crawled under the covers and hugged his pillow tight against his body. Just a little while longer and he could go sleep in his own bed at his own home.

The week before a break is always busy. Jensen had tests and papers due but he kept his eyes focused on going home. Occasionally he and Jared were in the room at the same time. He opened his mouth a couple times but always ended up looking away and saying nothing. Genevieve wouldn’t look at him when Jensen came into Java Lava.

Danneel didn’t shirk away from Jensen, and ended up bringing him coffee as soon as Jensen walked in and seemed slightly colder towards Genevieve. Chris and Steve offered Jensen a place in their dorm room but it was crowded enough without Jensen’s company. He liked their company, though. It made others’ opinions sting less.

*
Jensen was packing a few items to take home with him over thanksgiving. He wasn’t going to be gone for very long so he didn’t take much, just some clothes and his electronics. He had his suitcase packed and was leaving for the bus when Jared appeared. He looked uncomfortable but managed to say, “Have a good thanksgiving.”

Jensen nodded. “You too.”

Jared bit his lip again. “Jensen…”
“Bye Jared,” Jensen said quickly. He left their room without a backward glance, his blue suitcase in hand.

His parents had paid for a ticket for Jensen to come home, so he had no excuse to miss it. The closer he got to his family the more his palms sweated and his pulse raced a little bit faster, and his stomach was in his throat when he landed.

Jensen called a taxi to get to his house. When he finally pulled into the driveway, he spent a little time outside getting his bearings. You can’t stay outside the door forever, Jensen told himself. Be a man. They’re your family.

He dragged the suitcase and his backpack into the house. His hands were full so he used his elbow to ring the doorbell. Jensen wanted a few heartbeats and then the door swung open. “Jensen!”

Jensen grinned and let his sister hug him. “Let me put my stuff down, Mackie, and then I can greet you.”

Mackenzie helped him set his bags in the entry way and then hugged him tightly. “Mom and Dad are driving me crazy. I need you and Josh to be home so you can fend me from the crazies.”

Jensen chuckled. “They can’t be that bad.”

*

They were that bad. His mom’s hug was awkward at best and his dad gave him a handshake. They did the typical polite, “How’s college, honey?” to which Jensen gave the correct response of “Fun, I’m making new friends.”

Josh was pre-med at Harvard and his parents liked to hear about his oh so bright future and why wouldn’t Jensen think about medicine? Josh never looked down on Jensen, however. He had less time for Jensen when he was going through college, but he was never impatient with his brother. Mack was the only one listened to Jensen talk about his classes in a way that expressed genuine interest. Being at home wasn’t as terrible as Jensen thought it was, until dinner.

“So, Jensen,” his mother started. “Is there a girl in your life?”

No, no one likes me and even if they did, it wouldn’t be a girl I’m interested in. “No, I’m focusing on my studies. Still acclimating to college life, you know?”

Donna gave him a tight smile. “And how’s your roommate? Are you two friends?”

No, he thinks I’m a weird loner. “Good. We don’t spend a lot of time together but I think we could be good friends by the end of the year.”

He’d become an expert in knowing exactly what his parents wanted to hear. Good grades, lots of friends, romantic interest. They didn’t want to hear a boy with three friends, no ambition, and a preference for men.

Josh could tell. He came into Jensen’s room after dinner while he was unpacking. “So how’s college? And don’t give me the bullshit you gave Mom and Dad. You can be honest.”

Jensen folded a shirt neatly. “You remember when I was in school and I never seemed to get along with other people?” Josh nodded. “College isn’t much different.”

Josh sat on his bed. “That sucks.”

“It does.” Jensen shrugged. “I’m used to it. And I really do like my classes. I’ve made three friends. Two guys are musicians and the third is a barista. “

“Well look at that, he can make friends,” Josh teased.

Jensen smiled. He’d missed his big brother. “My roommate and I don’t get along. He’s really friendly and outgoing. He’s friends with everyone. Well, everyone except me.” Jensen sat on the bed beside his brother. “Is it going to get better?”

“Can I tell you a secret?” Josh asked.

Jensen nodded. “Of course.”

“My freshman year of college I was totally overwhelmed. I would cry at night sometimes because I missed home. I didn’t know what I wanted to do. Our parents kept saying ‘lawyer! Engineer! Make money! Be successful!’ I didn’t want to do any of that.”

“But you’re going to be a doctor,” Jensen said. “Isn’t that what mom and dad wanted?”  

“I’m sure people see me and think that I went after medicine because of the money,” Josh answered. “I think my parents like to talk about how much I make. But in all honesty I thought that if I was a doctor, I could help people. I wanted that more than anything. Just to help people.”

Jensen picked at his bedcover. “What if what I want isn’t as beneficial? Or profitable? What if I’m not successful like you?”

“I never really liked how our parents compared us. Money to them is a measure of happiness and success.” Josh patted his arm. “You’ll figure it out. It will get better.”

*

Jensen didn’t want to spend his break listening to his parents passive aggressively list out his shortcomings. He spent the morning of thanksgiving wandering around town and cataloguing everything that changed in the two months he’d been at college. Richardson didn’t seem much different. His old high school looked the same, the same shops, and same houses. There wasn’t much to see.

“Hey look! It’s Jenny!”

Jensen froze. That was a familiar voice. Zachary and his croonies were his main tormenters in high school. They were big, bad, football players who didn’t give a damn about school and rode into college on sports scholarships and low GPA’s. But for some reason everyone decided that they should be worshiped. Jensen didn’t get it.

And he hated that stupid nickname. Jenny. He couldn’t help but react when they called them Jenny, which only encouraged them. Jensen’s reactions only gave them more power over him; his mom reminded him of that whenever he complained about Zachary.

“Jenny, how’s college? Learning how to be a fag?” Zachary sneered.

Jensen groaned. “That doesn’t even make sense.”

“Ooh, big bad college boy, thinks he’s so smart,” Zach’s friend Carl added.

Jensen took a few steps backwards. “I don’t want any trouble.”

“Of course you don’t want any trouble,” Zach replied. “You’ve got important college stuff to do, right Jenny?”

This wasn’t the hallway at Richardson High, so Jensen could turn and run away without hitting the lockers. It was embarrassing that even now he ran away from his bullies instead of confronting them, but that’s the kind of coward that Jensen was.

He ended up in the park, hating himself for still cowering in the face of a couple of jerks that didn’t even matter to Jensen. If he were braver, then Jared’s comments wouldn’t matter to him and Zach’s comments wouldn’t matter to him and he might be able to come out to his family.

Thanksgiving dinner brought his aunts and uncles to the house as well. It was loud and bustling with energy, so Jensen managed to dodge any questions that came his way. It didn’t surprise him; Jensen was usually invisible at these gatherings.

The dinner passed without event. A couple of people asked the “how are you, how is college” questions but other than that Jensen could eat his pumpkin pie and stuffing in peace.

*

The flight back to college was quiet. He thought about going to the café to see Danneel. He could get coffee and talk to his friend at the same time.

First he was going to drop his stuff in his room and get the feeling of “plane” off him. He only hoped that Jared wasn’t there.

Jared was in the room, of course, because the universe decided to bestow bad luck upon Jensen. He kept his body pointed away from Jared as he snuck into the room and dropped his bags beside his bed.

Jared cleared his throat. “How was your break?”
Jensen shrugged. “Fine.”

“Listen, about the other day,” Jared started. “I know we said some mean things but-,”
“Don’t worry about it,” Jensen cut off. “I have to go.”

“Jensen, wait-,” Jared grabbed his arm. “Can we just talk about this?”

“Why? So you can tell me again what you all think?” Jensen pushed Jared’s hand off his arm. “I know what you think.”

Jared looked at him with a guilty look on his face. “We were saying stupid things. We’re dumb, Jensen, we don’t think before we say stuff.”

“You don’t care, you just care that I heard you,” Jensen replied.

Jared sat down on his bed. “I want us to be friends.”

“Why? You think the same stuff everyone else thinks of me. They thought in high school, I guess they’ll think it in college too.” Jensen turned away so Jared wouldn’t see his eyes watering.

The bedsprings creaked and Jensen felt a little pressure against his shoulder. “Jensen…”
“Just forget it,” Jensen swiped at his eyes. “I shouldn’t have thought college would be any different.”

*

Jensen hid in the library.

It was predictable, and if Jared really wanted to find him it would only be too easy. No one ever hunted him down, however, so Jensen figured he didn’t matter that much to Jared. He was probably laughing about it with his friends right now.

He buried himself in books until his eyes burned and the lights started to flicker off. He reluctantly trudged back to his room with a cold cup of coffee in his hands. The coffee he dumped in the trash and pulled out his key. He didn’t want to go back and see Jared again. Jensen had been rude and walked away and Jared probably resented him for that. If he ever had any notion of becoming friends with Jensen, there was no way that was still in his head.

The room was quiet. Jared was lying on top of his covers with his face pointing towards the door. It didn’t look like he meant to fall asleep, and he’d just become too exhausted to stay awake.

There was a book resting by his head and Jensen gently removed it. Jared made a quiet noise in his sleep and rolled onto his stomach. Jensen bit back a smile and shucked his jeans. He crawled under his sheets and stared up at the ceiling. Sleep decided to abandon him, but everywhere else on the campus had shut down for the night. There might have been a party somewhere, but Jensen learned his lesson about college parties.

He closed his eyes and hoped that if he kept then closed long enough he’d just drift off. His brain kept whirling. He wished he were one of those people that had tricks and tools to help them fall asleep. Jensen just sort of expected his brain to shut down and that was that. He had a fairly regular sleep schedule.

But not tonight. Tonight he couldn’t find a comfortable position in his bed, and if he managed to get comfortable than he would be too hot or too cold, and if he got his temperature balanced out his mind would be wide awake from figuring how the exact best position to sleep in. He couldn’t count sheep or count backwards from a hundred.

He looked over at Jared. One of his arms was hanging off the bed and his mouth was parted slightly. Jensen matched his breathing with his roommates. After a few minutes of watching Jared and mimicking his breathing, sleep finally claimed Jensen.

*

When Jensen’s eyes finally cracked open again, sunlight was filtering in through the blinds and Jared’s bed was empty. There was a coffee cup on Jensen’s nightstand with a piece of paper underneath it.

Hope the coffee isn’t too cold

                                    -J

Jensen picked up the cup. It had already turned lukewarm, but it was free coffee and it didn’t taste half bad. It wasn’t from Java Lava, that much Jensen could tell, but it was decent. His family didn’t believe him when he said that different coffees had different tastes, but Jensen could always tell a good coffee shop versus one of the big chain stores.

Jensen sipped the coffee as he sifted through his drawers. He needed to do laundry. He’d done a couple things when he was home at thanksgiving, but it was becoming a struggle to find a relatively clean shirt. He made a mental note to do laundry within the next week. Right now he was going to enjoy his Sunday before classes resumed. Maybe he could get some studying done.

The lock clicked. Jensen knew it was Jared coming in and he didn’t feel like having a conversation. It was too late to go back under the covers so he just turned his back to the door.

There was a moment of silence and then Jared said, “Did you find the coffee?”
“Yeah, thanks,” Jensen mumbled.

“You’re welcome.” Another brief pause. “Listen, my friends and I are going to see a movie today. You wanna come?”
Jensen recalled the words exchanged in the library between Jared’s friends. “I don’t think they’d want me there.”
“Aw, come on,” Jared insisted. “It’ll be fun.”
“No thanks,” Jensen replied. “I’m gonna get some studying done.”
“You’re always studying,” Jared whined. “Live a little! Have some fun once in a while. Do you know that word?”

Jensen turned around and picked up his phone. “Sorry I’m not fun enough for you.” He stormed out of the room, ignoring Jared’s calls to come back.

Jensen wound up in front of Chris’s room, knocking quietly. “Door’s unlocked!”

Steve and Chris were absorbed in a card came. “Whatcha playing?” Jensen asked.

“Go Fish,” Chris and Steve said in unison. “We have money banking on it,” Chris added.

“I didn’t even know that was possible,” Jensen muttered. “Who’s winning?”
“Me,” Steve answered.

Jensen decided to watch them. He didn’t think anyone could make Go Fish neither interesting nor intense, but the two of them proved Jensen wrong. Eventually Chris threw his cards down and Steve cheered.

“So, what’re you doing here?” Chris asked. “Not that we don’t want you here. You look kinda irritated.”
“Jared invited me to hang out.”
Chris mock-gasped. “The nerve!”

“Shut up.” Jensen picked at a cuticle. “I overheard his friends making fun of me in the library before thanksgiving. He’s been nice because he knows I heard. And now he wants me to go to a movie with the people that called me a weird loner kid.”

“Ah yes,” Chris said. “I can see how that presents a problem.”
“But he’s your roommate. Isn’t it good that he’s making an effort?” Steve pointed out.

Jensen shrugged. “He’s just making an effort because I heard him saying mean things about him.”
“Did Jared say the bad things? Or was it his friends?” Steve asked.

“He didn’t stop his friends from saying those things!” Jensen protested. “He laughed.”

“Jensen, he’s a freshman in college,” Chris said. “He’s gonna do idiotic stuff.”
“I thought you two would be on my side,” Jensen grumbled.

“What are friends for if not to point out your flaws and correct your behavior?” Chris joked.

Jensen picked up the deck of cards. “Who wants to play Go Fish?”

Chris plopped down across from him. “Bring it, Jenny.”

“Don’t call me Jenny.”
“I play winner!” Steve said.

“Cool, I can beat you too,” Jensen said.

Chris kicked out at him and dealt the cards.

*

Jensen left the room around seven, 30 dollars richer and satisfied in dimming Chris’ ego. He got a little bit of studying for his English class done with Chris, but mostly just watched a movie on Steve’s laptop.

Jared was sitting on his bed when Jensen got back. “I thought you were seeing a movie?”
“Yeah, at 1:00,” Jared replied. “Movies don’t last 6 hours.”

“Yeah.” Jensen said. Really? You go with ‘yeah’?

“Hey, you wanna get a pizza? I was gonna order one but we could go out if you wanted,” Jared suggested.

“No thanks.”

“Well I’m craving pizza,” Jared said. “I’m gonna order one. What do you want?”
“On the pizza?”
“No, for your birthday,” Jared said sarcastically. “Of course on the pizza.”

Jensen tried to be offended, but he himself was pretty sarcastic and it’d be kind of hypocritical if he got angry. “I’m good with anything except mushrooms.”

“You don’t like mushrooms?”
Jensen crinkled his nose. “They’re squishy and wet and they don’t taste good.”
“Fair enough.” Jared picked up his phone. “Pepperoni and sausage it is.”

The pizza came and the two of them ate in silence. It didn’t feel like an upset silence, however. They just didn’t have anything to say. In the back of Jensen’s head part of him started to think that maybe becoming friends with Jared wouldn’t be too horrible.

*

Their schedules were pretty different, so Jensen didn’t see Jared until that night. His blonde friend was also with him. Jensen recognized his face, but he couldn’t put a name to it. “Jensen, this is Chad,” Jared introduced. “Chad, Jensen.”
“I know who he is,” Chad drawled. He raked his eyes up Jensen. “Nice outfit.”

Jensen looked down. He was in a baggy sweatshirt and his most comfortable pair of sweatpants. It was Monday and he wanted to be comfortable. He didn’t really care about what he looked like.

“Don’t be a dick, Chad.” Jared scolded. “You ain’t exactly the best dresser. What did Sophia say again?”

Chad flushed. “Whatever.”

Jensen shifted uncomfortably. “Uh, maybe I should leave.”

Chad said “Cool” and the same time Jared said, “Don’t”. Jared glared at his friend. “Be polite.”

Chad sniggered and started rummaging through Jared’s stuff. Jared didn’t seem perturbed in the least, it almost looked like he was used to it. The room wasn’t big enough to put a comfortable amount of space between him and Chad. Jensen sat delicately on the edge of his bed.

“So, Jay, are you up for that carnival this weekend?” Chad asked. He was very careful to make it very clear he was exclusively inviting Jared. Not like Jensen wanted to go to a stupid carnival anyways.

“Jensen, you wanna come?” Jared asked.

“No thanks,” Jensen replied. Jared didn’t seem discouraged; he just smiled and went back to his conversation with Chad.

*

Jared didn’t stop asking Jensen to hang out. When his friends were getting lunch between class periods, Jared asked him along. He left his phone number on Jensen’s nightstand asking to text him. He ordered pizza and if Jensen wasn’t home to eat it, Jared put some on a paper plate and kept it for him. Jensen rebuffed his attempts but he couldn’t deny it was becoming harder to ignore Jared. He was so bright and his dimples seemed to pop up every time he looked at Jensen. Besides, even Jensen could admit that Jared was gorgeous.

“Come on, Jensen,” Jared wheedled. “Come to the carnival. We can play the game where we knock over the pyramid of bowling pins!”

“Not that interested,” Jensen replied. “I don’t like carnivals or crowds. I’ll spend a quiet night at the library.” Just like every other night.  

Jared smiled softly. “One of these days I’m going to get you to hang out with me, Jensen Ackles.”

*

“I swear,” Jensen huffed. “He’s the most persistent guy ever! All week he’s not done anything except ask me to hang out.”

Danneel raised an eyebrow. “So now you’re being the asshole.”

Jensen gaped at her. “No! I just don’t think that it’s fair to be nice to someone just because they heard you gossiping about you.”
Danneel took his hands. “Jensen. There has been more thank two weeks since you heard Jared and his friends talking about you. If that was all Jared cared about, don’t you think he would have given up by now?”
Jensen shrugged. “What does it matter?”
“All you do is go on and on about how rude Jared is, but he’s been nothing but nice to you.” She patted his arm. “Maybe you’re just being prejudice? What’s the harm in getting to know the guy?”

Jensen sipped at the coffee. “Can’t you get me free coffee? You work here!”

“Seriously?” Danneel waved a hand around Java Lava. “You think this place can give away coffee? We’re not Starbucks, Jensen.”

“I know. Your coffee is way better.”
Danneel smirked. “You can flatter me all you want, the price will be the same. Clever transition, though. I forgot for a second that we were talking about your issues with Jared.”
“They’re not issues,” Jensen insisted. “I just don’t like him.”
Danneel stole a sip of Jensen’s coffee. “He’s going to a carnival tonight, right?”
Jensen nodded. “There’s games and food and all sorts of fun stuff,” He mimicked Jared’s energetic tone.

“Well why don’t we go? I’m not saying we have to see Jared-,” Danneel said quickly once she saw Jensen’s expression. “-but you do need to get out. Have some fun. Get some good college experiences in! Jen, I know you’re enjoying playing the role of bullied-Jensen-who-overcame-many-obstacles, but you’re not a high schooler anymore. Lighten up.”
Jensen glared at her. “I do enjoy college.”
Danneel gestured at the stack of books by his feet. “I can see that.” She winked. “I’ll meet you here at 7:30 to go to the carnival!”

*

Jensen didn’t like how easily Danni talked him into these things. The carnival was packed with people of all ages. He’d already be knocked into by squealing five year olds and almost ran over a grandma. There were a large number of college students, too, and Jensen hoped that they didn’t run into Jared.

Danneel made him buy hotdogs and cotton candy for the two of them. Once Jensen loosened up, he realized that it actually was kind of fun. They played a few games, including the one where you try and knock bowling pins down with a baseball. They didn’t win, but Jensen had tears of laughter by the end of the night.

“See?” Danneel said. “You’re glad I dragged you to this thing, aren’t you?”

Jensen kissed her cheek. “I guess I am kind of grateful.” He slung his arm around her and they walked around looking for more games to play. Jensen felt eyes on him and he looked around. He was met with Jared’s eyes. He was standing 100 feet away by the slushie stand, watching Jensen with a mix of confusion and hurt. Danneel followed his gaze. “We should say hi,” She suggested.

Jensen was frozen in the spot. He didn’t move, just watched Jared until he and his friends walked away. “I told him I didn’t like carnivals,” Jensen muttered. “And now here I am, laughing with you. It makes me look like a real jerk.”

Danneel frowned sympathetically. “I can see how that must look.”
The rest of the carnival seemed duller. Eventually Danneel decided to take him home. Jensen didn’t blame her; he was sucking the fun out of everything. The lights were off in his room when he got back to his room. Jared wasn’t there yet.

He sat on his bed with the lamp on and twisted his hands in his lap. He was considering just going to bed when the door opened and Jared stepped in. “Hi.” Jensen waved awkwardly.

“Hey.” Jared peeled off his jacket. His biceps flexed when he removed it and Jensen momentarily lost his train of thought. “You know, you didn’t have to lie about disliking carnivals. You could have just said you didn’t want to go with me.”
“That wasn’t it,” Jensen told him. “I don’t like carnivals.”
“You seemed to like it when it was you and Danneel,” Jared mumbled.

Jensen felt like a jerk. “I’m sorry.”
“Nothing to apologize for,” Jared replied. He tossed a fuzzy purple bear at Jensen. “I won it at the fair. I was going to bring it home for you so you’d wished that you’d taken me up on my offer.” He shrugged. “It’s yours, I guess.”

Jensen looked down at the black, plastic eyes. “Thanks.” He went to sleep feeling a lot more like a jerk.

*

When Jensen was getting ready for class the next morning, he noticed the little white paper by his lamp. It was Jared’s number. Jensen had meant to throw it out earlier, he just… hadn’t. He inputted the number in his phone.

He and Chris suffered through Introduction to Creative Writing doodling on papers and playing tic-tac-toe. Halfway through he got out his phone and opened up a new text. He hesitantly sent a text to Jared, simply hi.

Jared responded quickly. Jensen?

1. Jensen mentally hit himself. He said yeah again. God dammit.

What’s up?

He chewed nervously on his lips. Do you want to grab lunch? My class ends at 12:15.

There was a pause just long enough for Jensen to second-guess everything that had happened. The phone vibrated in his palm. Sandwiches at Java Lava?

I didn’t know they had sandwiches.

You just have to know how to ask ;)

Jensen smiled to himself. Sounds good. I’ll meet you outside?

A smile stayed firmly planted on Jensen’s lips for the rest of the class. When Chris asked him why he was grinning, Jensen just waved him off. “I’m in a good mood.”

Nerves built up in his body and he was practically shaking by the time he reached the café. Jared was waiting outside. Even his bored expression seemed happy.

“Hey.” Jensen waved awkwardly.

Jared grinned. “How’s it going, Jen?”
“That’s a girl’s name,” Jensen muttered.

Jared laughed. “Oh, I dunno. You make it sound pretty masculine.”

Jensen pushed him towards the door. “You promised me sandwiches.”
“Sandwiches and riveting conversation,” Jared edited. “Two of my favorite things.”

“Along with candy bars,” Jensen said. “Don’t think I haven’t noticed the wrappers all over our floor.”
“I definitely keep them on my side of the room.”

“Lies.”

Jared held the door open for Jensen. “You’re so rude. Now go get a table. I’ll get us some sandwiches.”

“I still don’t think they make them,” Jensen said.

“You just have to know someone who works here,” Jared replied.

“I do,” Jensen reminded. “I know Danneel.”
Jared frowned slightly. “Go get a table.”

“Alright.” Jensen felt a little confused. He tried to figure out why Jared might be frowning. But why the time Jared returned, two plates in his hands, he had the familiar big smile on his face.

“Courtesy of Genevieve Cortese.” Jared put a plate in front of him. “Ham, cheese, lettuce, tomato, and unions.”

Jensen frowned. “I’m allergic to tomatoes.”

“Oh, geez, I’m so sorry,” Jared stammered. “Let me get you a new one—why are you laughing?”
Jensen wiped a tear from his eye. “I was messing with you. You should have seen your face!”

Jared flicked a piece of lettuce at Jensen. “That was mean!”

“Sorry, sorry,” Jensen giggled into his palm. “Thanks for the sandwich.”

Jared was a really fun guy. It wasn’t hard to see why everyone liked him so much. A part of Jensen wished that he hadn’t been so close-minded about Jared in the beginning, or they could have had a dozen lunches like this.

When they were finishing their lunch, Jared cleared his throat and said, “Listen, about the things I said when we first met. I always act like that, teasing around my friends and I don’t realize that sometimes it sounds like I’m a jerk. I acted with you the way I acted around the people I’ve known for 10 years instead of starting slow and getting to know you.”

Jensen tore his crust into tiny pieces. “It’s my fault too. I could have made an effort but I decided to make you the bad guy instead. It’s my fault too.”

Jared grinned brightly. “Well, now we can put that all behind us.”
*

He and Jared started hanging out more often until it became a regular thing. They fell into an easy rhythm, since they were both Texas boys. They were middle siblings with an older brother and little sister. Jensen had yet to hang out with Jared’s friends despite his many invitations. He was still scared of them looking at him strangely and whispering about him behind his back.

But he’d enjoyed every minute he’d spent with Jared. They spent a lot of time at Java Lava as well as wandering around and talking. Jared was actually incredibly intelligent and helped Jensen with Calculus. In turn, Jensen kept their room stocked with Jared’s favorite candies.

Currently the two of them were hanging out at Java Lava. Jensen was dead tired and could barely keep his eyes open. “Wake up, sleepyhead.” Danneel shook his shoulder and dropped a coffee in front of him. “You’re burned out.”
“I had two pop quizzes today,” Jensen mumbled. “I failed my Calculus one.”

“I’m sure you didn’t,” Danneel said. “Jared’s been helping you, right?”

“Yeah, and you’re getting really good,” Jared added. “Soon you’ll have no more use for me.”
“I’ll always have use for you,” Jensen replied. He blushed when he realized how dirty it sounded.

“So,” Jared started when Danneel walked away. “How long have you and Danneel been dating.”
Jensen choked on his coffee. “Me and Danneel? Since never! I mean, we never have. We won’t.”
“How do you know?” Jared said. “C’mon, you’re a good looking guy, you could get her.”
Jensen shrugged. “I’m not interested in her.”

Jared seemed slightly smug. “Do you want me to find a date for you? Gen knows a ton of girls, I’m sure you could get one of them.”

“What about you?” Jensen retorted. “Where’s your girlfriend?”
Jared snorted. “You’re using the wrong word, darlin’.” Jensen must have looked confused because Jared added, “Boyfriend. I’m gay.”

Jensen’s cheeks pinkened. “Oh.”
Jared’s eyes narrowed. “Is that a problem?”
“No—no, of course not-,” Jensen said quickly. “It’s just that—well, um, I am too. Gay. I’m gay.”

Jared’s face relaxed. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Why didn’t you tell me?” Jensen retorted.

“Fair point.” Jared stole a sip of Jensen’s coffee. “Well, awesome. I guess that explains you and Danneel.”

“Yeah. She knows I’m gay but no one else does. Not even my family.” He drew a circle in little grains of sugar left on the table.

“Are they conservative?” Jared asked. “I mean, would they be against it?”
“Probably, I dunno. I’m different enough as it is. No big plans to own a business or be a lawyer,” Jensen said. “I wasn’t popular in school or good at sports, so adding another thing to the list wasn’t going to win me kid of the year award.”

Jared smiled sympathetically. “That sucks.”
“Well, a little. But college isn’t like that. I’m not a scared high schooler anymore. What about you?” Jensen asked. “You out?”

“Yeah. I was pretty well liked in high school so no one really gave me crap about it. Some people were uncomfortable with it but my family was really supportive and my friends were great,” Jared explained. “Chad and Gen were there, actually. You’ve met Chad and that-,” He pointed at Genevieve. “Is Gen.”

“Yeah, Danneel introduced me,” Jensen said. “Well, she pointed her out to me. And then I saw her in the library.”

Jared bit his lip. “About that day-,”
“It’s forgiven,” Jensen said. At Jared’s doubtful look, he added, “I’m not angry about that. I am a weird loner kid. I’m trying to change, though, and not be so closed off.”

“Well, I’m excited to meet this new Jensen,” Jared teased. They finished their coffee quietly, but Jensen loved the peacefulness. He might even like Jared.

*

“Come on. It’s just a little party. Emphasis on little.”

“No way. Emphasis on no.”

“Jensen.”

“Did you just stomp your foot?”

“Maybe.”

“I told you, Jared, I’m not going.”

“Why? I’ll be with you the whole time. And we can leave whenever you want.”

“I don’t need a babysitter.”

“Look, there will be 10 people, max.”

“Is there any way I can get you to change your mind?”
Jared grinned brightly. “You know I’ll just nag you until you cave.”

“I get carsick,” Jensen tried.

“Sit in the front.”

“I reserve the right to leave if I feel upset. And I’m bringing Danneel,” Jensen demanded.

Jared clapped his hands. “Yay! The gang will be so excited to meet you!”

Jared’s friends had decided to drive out to the coast and Jared had invited him along. One of the cars they were taking was Jared’s, so he told Jensen that he got to decide who came and none of his friends could protest. Jensen didn’t want to be stuck in a car with people who hated him. “I don’t think they’ll be that excited.”

“Oh, loosen up,” Jared told him. “It’ll be a blast!”
*

Jensen was not having a blast. He’d been awake since 7 am because Jared woke him up with his excitement, and it was a crime to be up at 7 on a Saturday. He’d laid in bed until Jared flopped on top of him and refused to move until Jensen got up too. “It’s one night,” Jared encouraged. “It’ll be fun! A day on the beach, night under the stars, no homework…” Jensen tried to look angry but Jared’s goofy tone brought a smile to his face.

And now he was in the backseat of Jared’s car, crammed against the window. Danneel was in the middle, chatting with Gen on the other side. Chad and Jared were up front, talking about some sports team. Jensen regretted letting Jared talk him into this.

Apparently Genevieve’s family owned a huge beach house on the coast. Jensen didn’t really understand what “big” meant until he was standing in front of it. It was gorgeous. Jensen’s family had money, but they would never be able to afford something as glamorous as this. They pulled into the driveway and tumbled out. Jensen only had to walk a few yards and his feet would be on sand, the water was waving in his eyesight.

“Impressive, right?” Jared appeared at his elbow.

“It’s gorgeous,” Jensen sighed.

“Yeah, we had a party here at the end of high school. It was only four of us, but we drove up from Texas and had a blast.” Jared nudged Jensen with his elbow. “And the water’s great.”

The image of Jared in nothing but his swimsuit with water dripping down his chest popped into Jensen’s head. Fuck, no, don’t go there. “Sounds cool.”

“You bet.” Jared slapped his back. “Come on, the inside is even better than the outside. We’ve gotta get the good room!”
“We? What? Jar-,”

Jared dragged Jensen inside. “We call the big room!” Jared yelled.

 “You and who?” Chad asked.

“Jensen,” Jared said like it was the obvious answer.

“What if I want it?”

Jared grinned. “Then you better beat me too it. Come on, run Jensen!”

Jensen found himself running after Jared into a huge room and being pushed onto one of the beds by Jared. “Ha! You lose!” Jared taunted.

Chad frowned. “We always share.”
“Well, now I’m sharing with Jensen,” Jared replied. Chad glared at Jensen and he tried really hard not to look smug.

Chad stormed away and Jensen shifted uncomfortably. “Maybe I should switch.”
“Don’t worry about Chad. He’ll share with Aldis,” Jared said.

“What about Danneel?”

“She’ll share with Gen,” Jared replied. “Stop worrying, Jen! Have fun!”

“I always worry,” Jensen explained.

Jared slid off his bed and climbed onto Jensen’s. “It’s one weekend, Jen.” Jared winked. “Besides, I think a couple girls are excited to see you in a bathing suit.”
“I’m gay!” Jensen exclaimed, slightly flustered.

“It only makes them want you more,” Jared teased. “Trust me. Now, come, I have to introduce you to everyone.”

He tugged on Jensen’s hand until he followed Jared down the stairs. “You already know Chad,” Jared said. “That’s Aldis, Misha, you know Gen, Katie, and Sandy,” Jared introduced.

Everyone except for Chad smiled and said hello to Jensen. “We have to have a bonfire tonight,” Genevieve told Jensen. “We have an awesome fire pit and it’s right by the ocean. We can roast hot dogs and go swimming at night.”

“Sharks are more active at night,” Misha piped up.

Katie rolled her eyes. “The water is like, 5 feet deep. I think we’re safe.”
“I’ll remember this conversation when you get your arm bitten off,” Misha retorted.

Jensen was quick to learn that Misha was pretty strange, but entertaining. He loved Misha’s quirky commentary and the occasional random fact. Maybe Jared had said something to his friends but everyone was treating Jensen like a friend. Well, not Chad. He just sort of sulked and grunted if Jensen ever tried to talk to him. Eventually Jensen gave up and hung out with people that actually enjoyed his company.

Danneel was thrilled that Jensen had asked her along. She, Gen, Katie, and Sandy got along like best friends. Apparently she and Katie had history together and they gossiped about the “super hot professor”—their words, no Jensen’s. Aldis was really laidback. Jensen initially thought he was high, but when he asked Jared his roommate just laughed and assured Jensen that Aldis was always like this, not on drugs.

Jared, Misha, and Aldis had opted to go to the store for food and the girls were making some side dishes, which meant it was up to Jensen and Chad to get the fire started. Jensen had his reservations about working with Chad since he had made his opinion about Jensen very clear.

He tried to make conversation with Chad but all his attempts were rebuffed. Jensen let out a sigh of relief when Jared came dancing out the door, singing off key to a Katy Perry song. Jensen clamped his hands over his hears and yelled “Shut up!”, which was Jared’s cue to sing louder.

The group started the barbeque as the sun was setting. The firelight was hypnotizing but all Jensen could concentrate on was the feeling of Jared pressed up against him. Jared was warm and loud, and wouldn’t stop touching Jensen. Sometimes it was a hand on his forearm or an arm around his shoulders and once it was even Jared’s head on his shoulder. Jensen was a little embarrassed by Jared’s tactility but didn’t dream of moving away. He liked the contact. Even when Danneel wiggled her eyebrows suggestively at him, Jensen didn’t do anything except blush and duck his head.

Jared handed a skewer with a hotdog on the end to Jensen. “Hold it close to the fire. Unless you want it badly burned like Misha and then you can stick it in the fire.”

Jensen chuckled. “I think lightly grilled is good enough for me.”

The nine of them went through three packs of hot dogs. Jared alone ate four hot dogs, using the excuse that he was a growing boy. “If you’re this tall know I’d hate to see you when you’re done growing,” Sandy teased.

“You’d fall over and crush me,” Gen said. “Jared the Jolly Green Giant.”

“You’re all mean.” Jared pouted and wrapped his arms around Jensen. “I’m gonna stay with Jensen forever.”

Jensen rolled his eyes. “I get enough of you.”
“Hate you all,” Jared muttered. He kept an arm around Jensen and butterflies swarmed Jensen’s belly.

Aldis waved a bag of marshmallows. “Who wants to make s’mores?”

“Me!” Jared jumped up and grabbed the bag from Aldis. “Where are the graham crackers and chocolate?”
“Inside, I’ll grab ‘em,” Sandy said. “Jared, share the marshmallows. I only got two bags.”

“You cheered up quickly,” Jensen noted.

“S’mores trump all,” Jared explained. He stuck three marshmallows on a skewer and handed it to Jensen. “If you stick ‘em in the fire, they get really gooey.” He put three marshmallows on his skewer and held it on the edge of the flames. “You have to get them really hot to it melts the chocolate.”
“You’ve got it down to a science, don’t you?” Jensen commented.

“You make enough s’mores and you learn how to do it right.” He bumped his shoulder into Jensen’s. We should go swimming.”

“I don’t know if I brought my swimsuit,” Jensen admitted.

“Swim in nothing,” Jared suggested. He laughed at Jensen’s wide eyes. “Don’t worry, I stuck yours in your bag.”
“How’d you find it?”
“It was the only bright piece of clothing you owned. Why so much grey, Jensen?”

“It’s a good color on me! Dark colors look good on me. Bright colors wash me out.”

Well, the point is you have your bathing suit,” Jared pointed out. “Which means you can come swimming with me!”

Jensen imagined Jared, wet and smiling, splashing Jensen in the waves. Water dripping off those muscles and running a huge hand through his wet hair-

“Jensen? Hello?” Jared waved a hand in his face. “Earth to Jensen!”

“What?” Jensen blushed and scolded his excited dick. “Sorry, just thinking about the ocean. I haven’t been swimming in forever.”

“Aa aa oo aitin or?”

Jensen tilted his head. “Swallow your s’more and say that again.”

“What are you waiting for?” Jared repeated. “Get your suit on and get in!”

“Okay, one—it’s 10:30. Two—I’m not going to be the only one getting in the water,” Jensen said. “Third—I really want to eat more marshmallows.”

Jared stuffed another s’more into his mouth. He stuck his tongue out at Jensen and it was covered in pieces of chocolate, cracker, and marshmallow. “Gross,” Jensen giggled. Jared kissed Jensen’s cheek sloppily and smearing chewed up s’more on his skin. “Ew! Jared! Gross!”

Jared rolled over on the sand laughing. “Your face!”

Jensen wiped the food reside off his cheek. “You’re the worst.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Jared pulled Jensen off the log. “Let’s go get changed, I want to go swimming.”
“It’s dark out! What if there are sharks?”
“Don’t worry, Jen, I’ll protect you from any big, bad, sharks,” Jared mocked. He turned to the rest of his friends. “Come on! I’m stuffed full of hot dogs and s’mores, and I need to work it off. Time to swim.”

“Oh, goodie, I bought a new bikini before we came,” Sandy said. “You should see my boobs in that thing.”
“I’d like to see your boobs out of that thing,” Chad said. Jensen heard a thwack and then “Ow! Sandy!”

Jared said it was fine if Jensen wanted to change in front of him, but he blushed and decided to change in the bathroom. When he emerged, feeling silly in his bright blue swimsuit, Jared was just sliding his suit over his ass. Jensen just saw the top of it and he was immediately grateful he wasn’t wearing a speedo. Jared turned around and Jensen wasn’t at all prepared to see perfectly sculpted muscles. “You ready?” Jared asked.

Jensen’s throat dried up and all he could do was nod. Jared didn’t seem to mind his silence and pranced out the door. Jensen followed hesitantly. He didn’t like his freckles all over his body and now everyone was going to see them.

Apparently Danni didn’t mind because when she saw him she whistled low. “Damn, are you sure you’re gay?”

Jensen froze; the rest of Jared’s friends didn’t know that. Danneel’s eyes widened when he realized she’d unintentionally outed him. No one missed a beat, and Gen even pouted and said, “All the hot guys are gay. First Jared, now you? I just can’t catch a break!”

Jensen laughed and linked arms with Danni. Jared was watching him with an unreadable expression, but if Jensen could put a word to it he would choose fond.

*

Jared was just as beautiful wet as Jensen thought he would be. If anything he was more beautiful than Jensen thought. He made sure to keep his waist underwater so no one could see exactly how much he enjoyed watching Jared splash around in the waves. It was dark but the stars at the moon were out along with Gen’s porch light so no one struggled to see.

Jensen was still adjusting to the water temperature when he felt a wave of water hit his side. “Wha—Jared!”

Jared was doubled over in the water cracking up. “Oh god, Jensen, you-,” He dissolved into laughter again.

Jensen scooped his own wave of water up and splashed Jared. “How do you like it, jerk!”

Jared grinned wickedly. “You’re going down, Ackles!” Jensen tried to turn and run but the water made his movements sluggish and 220 pounds of muscle hit his back and sent them both into the water.

Jensen surfaced first, coughing out saltwater. “You absolute jerk!”

“Ooh, I’m so insulted,” Jared taunted. “I’m a jerk, dang it, how will I ever survive!”

Jensen growled and leapt at Jared. They fell into the water laughing. When they resurfaced, Jared was coughing and holding his hand out. “Jense-wait, stop-,”

“Oh my god, Jared,” Jensen lifted his face. “God I’m so sorry!”

Suddenly Jared’s face split into a grin. “Gotcha!”

Jensen’s mouth dropped open. “That’s not funny! I was worried!”

Jared splashed him. “Lighten up!”

“I hate you!”

Jared ran at him again but he caught Jensen before they fell over. Jensen’s legs involuntarily wrapped around Jared’s waist and they just stared at each other for a little bit. “Jensen…” Jared said softly.

Jensen wanted to lean in and feel Jared’s soft lips against his own, feel Jared’s arms around him and–

A tidal wave of water hit them and they both fell over. Chad was a few feet away from the two of them, cracking up with Aldis by his side. “You guys are so dead!” Jared yelled. He chased after them and Jensen was left standing in the water, wishing that they’d had just two more minutes alone.

*

Everyone had been given a job to clean up, because Gen didn’t want to go to bed with her beach house messy. Jared and Jensen had been assigned to clean up outside by the fire. The last flickers of flame were dying out while the two of them gathered plastic chocolate bar wrappers and empty graham cracker boxes. The only sounds were the waves lapping against the sand.

He and Jared reached for the same marshmallow bag and bumped hands. Jensen stood up and Jared crumpled it up in his hands. “I got it,” Jared murmured.

“Thanks,” Jensen squeaked. Their heads were close together and Jared walked them backwards. Jensen’s foot slipped on something hot and Jensen yelped. “Fuck!”

“Crap,” Jared muttered. “Embers, I’m so sorry, I pushed you right on them.”
“It’s okay, I’m fine, barely hurts,” Jensen said. It didn’t matter, the moment was over.

*

Jared offered to hang their bathing suits up in the bathroom, so Jensen slid into his pajamas while Jared was gone. He turned around to get into bed and came face to face with Jared. “Hi.”

Jared smiled gently. “Hey.”

“We should go to bed,” Jensen suggested.

Jared nodded. “We should.” Neither boy moved and Jared reached a hand up to cup Jensen’s cheek. “You’re cold.”
“Seawater.”

Jared didn’t move his hand. “I like being friends with you. I’m glad we’re not fighting.”
Jensen nodded. “Yeah, me too.”

Jared leaned forward and Jensen’s eyes automatically closed. There was a tiny pressure against Jensen’s mouth and then Jared was stepping away. “Been wanting to do that all day.”

Jensen smiled. “I’m glad you did.”
“Yeah, me too.”

*

The only problem was that the next day Jared acted like it didn’t even happen. Jensen was looking forward to Jared’s sweet smile and maybe even a tiny kiss before breakfast. He didn’t want a parade or anything, but he wanted a little bit of recognition that maybe, maybe, the kiss meant something to Jared too.

But there was nothing.

They spent the day wandering around the city, looking at cute stores and invading ice cream parlors. The only thing different was that Jared was touching Jensen less, and he never gave Jensen the secret smile he was so used too. It was his typical Jared, big dimples, sunshine smile, which Jensen loved. It just wasn’t his smile.

“Good news,” Gen announced. “We’re going to a party.”

Jensen remembered the first party he went to and started to shake his head. Danneel stopped him halfway through. “Don’t worry, I’ll make sure you don’t do anything stupid. Or get too drunk.”

“Those two really go hand in hand,” Jensen pointed out.

Danni punched him lightly. “Do you want me to watch your back or not?”

“Please,” Jensen replied immediately. “I don’t want to be drunkenly dragged home again. Once was enough.”

“I can imagine.”

*

The party wasn’t actually that bad. The guy hosting it had a house even bigger than Gen’s and he’d set up some tents outside. There was constant music playing, but it wasn’t an overpowerful blaring but rather a quiet hum. It was the kind of party Jensen could get used to.

Until Danni disappeared.

Well, she didn’t disappear disappear. Gen went to introduce her to the host, whom apparently she’d known for a while, which meant that Jensen was alone. He was too socially awkward to be alone. He tried to fight the crowds to get to someone, anyone that he knew.

He noticed Jared because he was a head taller than everyone else at the party. He started to push through people to get to him but it was useless. He called Jared’s name but he was involved in a conversation with a guy in front of him. It stung a little. Jared kissed him last night and suddenly Jensen wasn’t even a blip on his radar. Well fuck this.

He turned away and started to leave the party. He ran into a guy carrying a cup of something and it splashed on Jensen’s shirt. “I’m so sorry,” the guy said immediately. “God, I wasn’t watching where I was going and now it’s all over your shirt.” He started to dab at Jensen’s shirt with a napkin and he blushed.

“It’s okay, really.” Jensen tried to step away and get a good look at the guy. He was very attractive. “Don’t worry about it.”
The blue-eyed stranger stood up. “Jeez, first I spill my beer on you and then I feel you up. Don’t think poorly of me.” The guy gave Jensen a pathetic look and he chuckled.

“I don’t think that. It’s a crazy party and I have bad luck. Someone will have spilled something on me, and at least it was someone polite.”

The guy grinned and stuck out his hand. “Derek.”
Jensen took it hesitantly. “Jensen.”

“Well, Jensen, can I get you a drink?” Derek offered. “I need to get a knew one since I spilled my first one all over your shirt.”

Jensen chuckled and followed the guy out of the crowd. “So, you live around here?” Derek asked.

“Nah, I’m staying with a friend. Genevieve Cortese? She has a house out here and a bunch of us drove up for the weekend.”
“Sounds fun.” Derek grabbed a couple solo cups. “I’m Adam’s cousin. He’s the host tonight. Decided to throw a party since his parents have date night and are staying at a hotel in the city.”

Jensen sipped at his drink and winced. “It’s like warm cool-aid with vodka.”
“I know.” Derek took a sip. “It’s disgusting.” He took another sip and smiled when Jensen laughed. “I apologize if this is presumptuous,” Derek continued. He ran a hand down Jensen’s arm. “And feel free to punch me, but I’m a tiny bit drunk and I’d really like to kiss you.”

Jensen looked over his shoulder at Jared. He and the guy he was talking to were even closer. He looked back to Derek and answered, “I’d love to.”

When Derek kissed him it was very different than Jared. It wasn’t gentle or hesitant. It was only the second time Jensen had kissed a guy and wasn’t used to the hunger as opposed to a slow kiss of a girl. Jensen liked it.

A hand roughly jerked Jensen backwards. “What the–,”

“Who are you?” Derek asked.

“I’m his friend,” the voice growled. It was Jared. “And I’m taking him home.”

“Well, maybe he wants to stay with me,” Derek snapped.

Jared looked down at Jensen. “What do you say, Jen? Wanna say here with Derek or go home with me?”

Jensen bit his lip and looked apologetically at Derek. “I get it,” Derek said, his eyes darting between them. “See you ‘round, Jensen.”

Jared wasn’t joking when he said they were going home. Jensen stumbled over his feet in an effort to keep up with Jared. “Jay—slow down, it’s not a race!”

“I thought you–I thought we–,” Jared shook his head. “Did last night mean nothing to you?”
“To me?” Jensen exclaimed. “What about you? Not one mention of it, you were gone when I woke up, you were hanging off that guy at the party–,”

“What about you, hanging off that fucking douche? He wanted sex, Jen, he was looking at you like you were a piece of meat!” Jared shot back.

“Well, at least someone was interested in me!” Jensen yelled.

“I’m interested in you!” Jared shouted. They both froze.

“You are?” Jensen asked tentatively.

“Why do you think I kissed you last night?” Jared retorted. He was closer to Jensen now and he didn’t dream of stepping away. “Because we’re friends?”
“Then why didn’t you bring it up?”
Jared rubbed the back of his neck. “I was scared that you didn’t want me back. I didn’t want to ruin our friendship.”

“Oh, Jared.” Jensen looped his arms around Jared’s neck. “You have no idea how much I want you.”
“I dunno,” Jared murmured. “I might have some idea.” They were breathing into each other’s mouths and Jared leaned down to kiss him.

Jensen lost himself in the feeling. He loved it. Jared was strong and firm and his hands could fit all the way around Jensen’s waist. “I believe you said something about going home?”
Jared grinned. “I did mention that, didn’t I?”
*

Jared was beautiful naked.

Their blinds were open and the moonlight illuminated his entire body. Jensen couldn’t believe that someone as beautiful as Jared actually wanted him.

“Of course I want you,” Jared said. “You’re fantastic, Jensen. Beautiful–” He kissed Jensen’s cheek, “Intelligent–,” A kiss on Jensen’s nose, “Funny–,” The corner of Jensen’s mouth, “–And for some unknown reason, you put up with my crap.” Jared kissed him soundly, letting his tongue push into Jensen’s mouth. His hands wandered up his body, stopping at Jensen’s nipples and tugging on them.

Jensen gasped and arched into Jared’s touch. “Oh wow.”

“Ever had sex with a guy, Jen?” Jared asked.

Jensen snorted. “I’ve only kissed two guys, Jared. Where would I have time for sex?”

Jared pinched him and kissed Jensen’s neck. “I love that I get to be the first one to show you all this. It makes me feel special. I can show you all the places that make you feel good, places you didn’t even know about.”

He played Jensen’s body like an instrument, locating places that made Jensen groan and clutch at Jared’s hair, then attaching his mouth to them and licking. “I’m gonna have hickies all over me,” Jensen muttered.

“Good. Then there won’t be any strange boys thinking they can take you away from me.” Jared massaged Jensen’s thighs and then spread them apart. “I prefer to top, but I’m flexible. It’s your first time so if you want, I’ll bottom.”
“No,” Jensen replied. “I want you to take care of me. Fuck me, Jay. Please.”

“Don’t have to ask me twice.” Jared rolled Jensen onto his stomach and ignored his protests. “It’ll hurt less like this.”
Jensen had read about sex and it was supposed to hurt no matter what position he was in. “Use lots of lube, okay?”

Jared rubbed Jensen’s neck soothingly. “I’m gonna take care of you.”

Jared did exactly that, taking time to open Jensen up slowly. He also licked Jensen’s ass a few times which seemed really gross but felt really good. When Jared finally started to push in, Jensen was so relaxed that he didn’t notice it until it started to burn. “Fuck.”
Jared froze. “I’m hurting you.”
“It’s okay, I want this,” Jensen reminded him. “I want you.”

 Jared took his time entering Jensen. He adjusted his hips a few times before he started to thrust, but when his dick pushed back inside Jensen it hit something that made him rocket off the bed. “Jared!”

“There you are,” Jared muttered. He pounded away at that spot until they were both panting and sweat dripped onto the bedsheets. “You feel amazing, I’m gonna-,” Jensen felt Jared’s hands clench his hips and a loud groan fell from his mouth. The condom filled with come.

“Jesus,” Jared panted. He pulled out of Jensen quickly and stuck his tongue where his cock used to be. Jensen screamed and came on the sheets. “That was hot.”

“I think you killed me,” Jensen mumbled.

Jared kissed his cheek. He heard the snap of a condom being pulled off and felt Jared’s arms scoop him up. “We’re sleeping in the other bed. I don’t want to roll over and sleep in your come.”
“M’kay,” Jensen said. He let Jared tuck him in and crawl under the covers. His maybe-boyfriend spooned up behind him and nuzzled behind Jensen’s ear.

“Good for your first time?”

“Better than I could have hoped.”

*

Jared was actually there when Jensen woke up the next morning. His mouth was slightly open and his eyes were shut. Jared was cute when he was sleeping. He snuffled quietly and then opened his eyes. “Hey, Jen. How long you been up?”

“Few seconds,” Jensen replied. He kissed Jared and sighed in relief when he kissed back. “I’m so comfy I could just go back to sleep.”
Jared’s stomach growled. “Maybe breakfast first?” He asked hopefully.

“I think I smell pancakes,” Jensen replied.

Jared held Jensen’s hand down to the kitchen. Jensen tried to protest but then got a good look at himself in the mirror. Even if they weren’t holding hands, the amount of hickies on Jensen’s body could easily prove that they were more than friends.

A couple people whistled when they got into the kitchen and Jensen hid his face in Jared’s chest. “Make them stop.”
“You’re making my boyfriend blush,” Jared told them. Jensen hit him but then Danneel brought out a fresh plate of pancakes and he completely forgot Jared. He moaned when he bit into the fluffy breakfast. “You know, you make the same face eating pancakes as you do when you orgasm,” Jared noted.

Jensen choked on his pancakes as Misha and Aldis cackled. “You suck,” Jensen muttered.

“Maybe tonight I will,” Jared replied with a smirk. Jensen turned bright red and stuffed his mouth full of pancake. “Aw, Jen, don’t be embarrassed because I love your cock. It’s pretty, I could probably tell them all abo-,”
“Shut up!” Jensen yelled. His mouth was filled with pancake and it didn’t come out as anything more than muffled words in an angry tone. Jared chuckled and leaned over to kiss Jensen’s nose. He tried to be mad at him, but Jared’s dimples popped out and Jensen couldn’t do anything except blush and smile back.

*

Jensen didn’t want to leave the beach house. Gen offered to let everyone stay another night, which Chad and Misha were enthusiastic about, but Jared pointed out that they had classes and Chad needed all the help he could get if he wanted to maintain his C average. The two of them joked around but this time Jensen was sitting in the front seat next to Jared while Chad huffed in the backseat.

“Home sweet home,” Jared announced as he opened the door with a flourish. Their dorm room was just as it had been left, only there were fewer clothes on the ground. Jared immediately solved this problem by dumping the contents of his suitcase on the floor.

“You got your clothes on my side,” Jensen grumbled.

“Aw, sweetie, this is what dating is like,” Jared cooed. “Sharing space to make each other feel uncomfortable.”

“Then I don’t want to date you,” Jensen huffed.

Jared pulled Jensen into a bear hug and kissed his cheek sloppily. “Aw, honey, don’t say things like that.”

Jensen giggled and let Jared pepper kisses all over his face. “You’re such a dork! U can’t believe I ever disliked you.”

“Well, I did act like kind of a jerk,” Jared admitted. “I tried to do the right thing but you kinda made me stupid.”

Jensen raised an eyebrow. “Don’t blame your stupidity on me.”

Jared pulled Jensen down on the bed with him and cradled Jensen like he was a teddy bear. “I thought you were the hottest guy ever. I kept trying to flirt or say something nice and I ended up insulting you. And I wouldn’t shut up about you to my friends. I think Chad got a little jealous.”

“Did you two ever…”
Jared cocked his head. “Did we ever…”
“Oh, you know,” Jensen said. “Uh, you know.”

Jared’s eyes widened. “Ew, god no. Chad is straight. He’s just used to being number one in my life and suddenly there was this other guy that I just couldn’t stop thinking about.”
Jensen blushed. “You couldn’t stop thinking about me?”
“Sure. I dictated poems to your beautiful, emerald eyes and your fucking adorable freckles, and sometimes I even lamented over your cock.”
“Um, you hadn’t seen it yet,” Jensen pointed out.

It was Jared’s turn to blush. “One time you were changing in our room, and you thought I was asleep, but I was actually awake and I saw your dick. I closed my eyes right away but it was too late.”

“Oh my god, you perv!” Jensen pushed his shoulder. “You–you–you ogled me!”

Jared laughed. “Did you just say ogle?”

“That’s what you did!”

“If it makes you feel better, I thought your dick was very pretty,” Jared said. “Very nice.”

Jensen rolled over so he wasn’t facing Jared. “You’re such a perv.”

Jared spooned up behind him and sighed happily. “But I’m your perv.”

*

Jared was a very tactile person and always liked to have some part of his body around Jensen. On the rare occasions he could get away with it, Jared pulled Jensen onto his lap and snuggled him. Jensen was never big on PDA but the girls would always coo and take pictures.

Jensen secretly loved it. But he’d never tell Jared that.

Maybe some day he’d tell his family he was gay and even introduce them to his boyfriend. But for now, with Jared’s arms holding him tight against his chest and talking nonstop about whatever came into his mind, Jensen was happy enough to just let everything else go.