Chapter Text
“Tell me something, Mr Novak.” Why was it that therapists always had cool, calm voices? They were unruffled by silences and Gabriel couldn’t bear them, always had to do something, say something, fill the room in some way. Yet when it mattered most, he had nothing to contribute. He was a blemish, a stain on society and nothing a therapist did could help. He tapped his fingers one by one against the arm rest, tried to use the shine of the door handle to see what time it was on the clock aimed towards her. His opponent, if he wanted to play that game. She was going to cheat him out of his time, use her mental skills to make it seem like he’d been here an hour when he’d only been here fifteen minutes.
“What do you want me to tell you about?” He drawled, pulling a smile up to cover the awkward silence he’d somehow been unable to avoid.
“Whatever suits your whims.” Well. That was helpful. He narrowed his eyes, stared at her as she looked calmly back, her long straight brown hair framing her narrow face.
“I came here because my boyfriend’s been nagging me. So what if I sit in my car for an extra five minutes at the end of the day? Not like it kills him to wait a little extra time?” Gabriel crossed his arms over his chest. Looking at him, he knew, people would think he was hiding something and he was, but heck, he’d just met the woman. He hadn’t even told Sam! That’s what he was here for, right? The woman smiled slightly and Gabriel felt his heart jolt in fear.
“Tell me about your boyfriend.” Her voice was quiet, collected, almost warm and Gabriel wondered if maybe his perception of her as a stone cold bitch came from his own mind. His boyfriend, his boyfriend, Gabriel relished the thought as it passed through his mind. Sam. His beautiful, resilient Sam who had gone through so much, was still going through so much; Gabriel liked to think he was helping but knew he was probably getting in the way more often than not.
“He’s beautiful. I mean, well, yeah, he’s hot, but he’s got this smile and the way he crinkles his eyes, you can tell his soul is beautiful too. He loves with all his heart and he means well with everything he does.”
“So you love him?” “I, uh, I hadn’t thought about it,” Gabriel shifted, pulling on his fingers, trying to get rid of the wild adrenaline racing through him. He wanted to sprint out of the room, out of the building and drive away and never look back. Instead, it was as if there was glue on the chair he was sitting on, forcing him to stay, to stare at this therapist. Did she blink? Yes. She blinked. Ok. Human. But sweet merciful Father, she was so still. “I.. I think so?” He finally says.
“You don’t have to be in love with your partner,” She says.
“But-Isn’t that the point?” Gabriel shifts in his seat, butt cheeks finally letting go of the vinyl covered seat.
“Of course. How long have you two been together?”
“Since he got back, I guess? So… two and a half months?” Gabriel wonders where she's going with this, why she's asking these basic questions.
“Would you normally be in love with someone at this point in a relationship?”
“I normally don’t have a relationship,” Gabriel says, half laughing. “But.. No.” It's different with Sam, though. Like he's been in a holding pattern, waiting, half in love with the man since that first weekend.
“Then don’t expect it of yourself now.” “But-“ “No buts. Yes, it’s a weird situation but that doesn’t mean you have to love him. What do you feel?” Gabriel sits back. What does he feel? That is a good question. “I care for him. I don’t want to see him hurt, I want to protect him from the world but I want to see him take it on. He’s the most attractive person I’ve ever met and I’m glad to see him every day.” He is such a sap. A goner.