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“Andy, are you busy?” Sam could barely hold the phone to her ear properly. She was ecstatic and she needed someone to share in this excitement with her. It was the middle of the work day though, so she did the right thing and called ahead.
“Just doing admin, my next class isn’t for two hours, why?” Andrew’s curiosity was immediately peaked and he smiled at the childlike excitement he could hear in Sam’s voice. “Okay, I’m coming over,” She answered quickly, without much explanation before hanging up and leaving him in confusion and anticipation.
Sam slammed the phone down and as fast as her feet could carry her, ran to her office door. Opening it slowly, she peeked into the hallway, making sure nobody witnessed her joyous sprint to the end of the hall, to Andrew’s office. She smiled, slyly. The coast was clear.
She was slightly out of breath when she closed Andrew’s office door behind her and he looked up at her with an amused grin. She took a moment to admire him. The afternoon sun shone into his office, cloaking him in natural light and he looked really handsome in the jumper she got him for Christmas. “Afternoon,” He greeted, his smile only growing bigger.
“You look really handsome today,” She said, knowing it would elicit a blush and downplaying. “Oh, shush, you’re just saying that,” Andrew chuckled, tucking a piece of hair behind his ear, “So, what’s the news?”
“Okay, so,” Sam immediately went back into excitement mode, “You know how I went to that conference a couple of months back and met that lovely professor from South Africa and we had this lovely discussion about our work and she was like ‘Oh, when you’re ever in town, please come visit!’ Well, uhm...I just got off the phone with Anthony...”
Sam was speaking a mile a minute and Andrew struggled to keep up. Why had she been speaking to the dean? What’s happening? "And?" Andrew tried eliciting elaboration, still a bit confused about what Sam was trying to imply.
Sam saw the slight frown on Andrew's face and was suddenly struck by the weight of her news. Without realising, she started biting her lip and wringing her hands. “Uhm, I might have been invited to be a guest lecturer…”
“That’s amazing, babe! I’m so proud!” Andrew started standing up, planning to envelope Sam in a hug.
“In South Africa…” She told the floor.
“Oh…” Andrew froze.
“For an entire semester…”
“ Oh .” He sat back down.
Sam’s excitement quickly dissipated into anxiety. She couldn’t help but study Andrew’s face for any sign of hesitance. Andrew looked deep in thought, as if not quite sure on how he should react. “It is such an amazing opportunity, honey. I’m immensely proud of you!” He assured her, hiding his reluctance behind a warm smile.
It did nothing to help the knot forming in Sam’s stomach. She sulked over to Andrew’s side of the desk and curled into his lap, like a child, seeking comfort. His arms immediately enfolded around her, rubbing her back in soothing circles. She knew such displays of affection were not really appropriate for the workplace, but they were alone and Sam felt like crying.
Her brain overwhelmed her with irrational fears. She knew where they were now in their relationship was completely different from the distance that separated them when they were much younger and a lot less settled, but it did nothing to ease the worry in her chest. Would Andrew again decide that perhaps they should use this distance as a break? An opportunity to reevaluate?
Andrew could practically hear Sam’s mind working overtime. He knew that right now Sam wasn’t ready to have the discussion this revelation brought about, the compromises and logistics that went along with such life changes, but he tried his best to instill reassurance, stroking her back and playing with her hair the way he knew she liked. Sam should be excited right now, thinking of all the new experiences at her feet, not worrying about him. She had no reason to worry, but he knew that wasn’t the way Sam’s brain worked. “Everything’s going to be fine, my love,” He whispered into her hair.
-
The airport was quite the sensory overload. A million sounds were coming from a million different directions and Sam held Andrew’s hand tighter as they approached the check-in desk. Andrew’s thumb immediately started with its reassuring strokes and he planted a gentle kiss against her temple. The lady from the airline greeted them both with a friendly smile and Sam handed her documents over. Andrew wheeled her suitcase closer to the conveyor belt thingy they use to weigh the luggage, waiting for the lady’s go ahead to put it on. Sam knew today would be an emotional day, she just didn’t expect to become teary-eyed at seeing her partner practically bent in half to wheel her suitcase around.
Andrew didn’t notice immediately, too busy engaging in pleasantries with the airline lady. “Yeah, unfortunately, I’m not going along. ‘s a work trip, but - Oh, babe…” In his chatty mood, he looked back at Sam, who was discreetly trying to wipe a tear away. His face fell and he put his arm around her shoulder, pulling her into his chest. “It’s alright, it’s okay,” He whispered into Sam’s hair. Afraid of making a scene, or worse, making the airline lady uncomfortable, Sam started pulling away from Andrew, “I’m alright, I promise,” She sniffed.
“I’m sorry, this probably happens all the time…” Sam laughed awkwardly, but the lady gave her a sympathetic and understanding smile. “I wish you two the best,” She said, handing Sam back her passport and ticket and sending them on their way.
Struck by the woman’s kindness, Sam walked in silence for a bit. She could feel her hands on autopilot, putting her documents back in her purse, while she could only stare ahead. The weight on her chest she had been trying to ignore for the past week came creeping back. The only thing she could do is take a deep breath and try to not to make their goodbye too sad. After all, she only had a few hours left in Andrew’s company.
“What are we feeling for breakfast?” Sam took Andrew’s hand again, leading him in the way of the food court, “My treat.”
“Oh, is it?” Andrew chuckled. Seeing his warm smile and amused face already helped Sam feel much better.
“Yeah, as a sorry for making you get up at the arse crack of dawn,” She walked a little closer to him, almost as if to take in his warmth one final time, “I’ll throw in a kiss, too, as a thank you for driving all the way to the airport.”
That made Andrew laugh, one of those bursts of laughter that always feels like a reward to Sam. “Sounds like a deal to me!"
-
Andrew sighed. Maybe if he ignored the unmade bed for a few hours more, he would come back and it would’ve miraculously made itself. Usually Sam would be here to help him with these pesky fitted sheets, but now he had to brave it alone.
He hated how quiet the house was these days. He missed laying in bed and hearing Sam sing in the shower. He missed hearing her running commentary as he was busy in the kitchen. Now, every room just felt empty and lifeless.
With a huff, Andrew shook the duvet a few times, to ensure it sat well in its cover. Subconsciously, he started humming the song that had been stuck in his head for weeks. It was cruel fate that decided that Leaving On A Jetplane was the song that was on replay on his mind’s jukebox. It had been stuck in his head ever since Sam left and at this point he didn’t know if it annoyed or comforted him.
Singing the chorus under his breath, he reached for a pillowcase, but accidently dropped it. He crouched down to retrieve it, but something under the bed caught his eye. One of Sam’s earrings must’ve fallen. He can’t remember her looking for it. Picking it up, Andrew wondered where the other one was. He looked down at the singular piece of jewelry in his palm and a wave of sadness crushed in his heart. It just emphasised her absence that much more.
Andrew abandoned the bed for the time being and went looking for his phone. He snapped a quick picture of the earring in his hand and sent it to Sam with the caption “ Looking for something? ”
-
“Can you hear me now?” Sam was precariously balancing her laptop on the palm of her hand, in a probably fruitless attempt to better her internet connection. The wifi in her guest house room was adequate at best and it seemed video calls pushed it limits. “Yes, hi! God, it’s wonderful to hear your voice…”
Sam was greeted with a pixelated picture of Andrew and Seamus on their bed, both looking very tired. She could feel her cheeks already start to hurt from smiling so big. “I miss you both so much!” Seamus’ ear perked up at the sound of Sam’s voice, causing both his parents to laugh. “But me a bit more, though, right?” Andrew interjected, mischief written all over his face.
“Yes, but the margin is really small,” Sam teased, emphasizing her point by putting her thumb and pointer really close together, giggling. Sam couldn’t help but take in Andrew’s appearance - she missed seeing his face everyday. His eyes looked so green in the bright light of the laptop screen, but his brows were furrowed. His beard was longer and a bit unkempt and his hair hastily tied. He’d been busy. But his eyes still held their kindness and his smile its warmth, and it made her emotional.
“You doing alright? How’s classes going?” Sam tried her best to disguise the unsteadiness of her voice, homesickness had finally hit her, hard. She knew Andrew would downplay his tiredness and stress, but she had to ask. She had been feeling so disconnected. Here, the academic calendar was different and the seasons wrong way round and it just felt like she was plopped down in the middle of nowhere without a map. Andrew held some semblance of normalcy, circumstances where she knew what to expect, where she could take off her professional mask and just be herself.
Andrew let out a deep breath, “Yeah, ‘m fine. Classes have been swell, the students are so enthusiastic. Heard some of the second years ask about you, so we can confirm you are definitely missed…” His self-deprecating laugh told Sam enough of the degree to which Andrew missed her, but she found the roundabout way he thought to reveal it endearing.
“How are things there? What’s the time difference? I didn’t call too late, did I?”
-
Sam giggled as the phone rang against her ear. She had just returned from a night with some of her new colleagues and she couldn’t lie - too many glasses of wine were consumed. She felt the happiest she had been since she arrived, giddy and giggling. Once she got home to her empty bed, however, she just started missing Andrew all over again. As the ringing continued, she struggled to get her shoes off, almost dropping her phone in the process. A very drowsy Andrew finally picked up, “Hello?”
Hearing his voice set off another round of giggles, but Sam could hear the bedding shuffling on his end and his bedside lamp click on. “Hey, baby…” His voice was soft and gravelly. “Hiii,” She sang, “I love youuu…”
“Love you too,” He reciprocated immediately. She could hear his amusement through the phone. “Didya have a fun night?”
Sam hummed an affirmative, putting her phone on speaker and starting to undress, as to change into her pyjamas. Struggling to find her sleepwear, Sam simply grabbed the shirt of Andrew’s she sneaked into her luggage and decided that that would be what she would sleep in. It was soft against her skin and the bottom swished against her thighs. She curled into bed and brought the phone close to her mouth again. “Think I’m finally starting to settle…” She all but whispered into the phone.
She could hear Andrew’s breathing. “That’s good, honey, I’m glad.”
“I’m wearing one of your shirts,” Sam whispered again, as if it was a secret Andrew couldn’t know. She moved around under her duvet just to feel the shirt brushing against her. “God, I miss you so much,” She continued, “Miss you touching me.”
She heard Andrew take a deep breath. “Miss you too,” His voice started soft, but then turned into something more playful, “Thought I noticed something missing, is it that stripey blue one?” He sounded like he was keen to participate in this game of chicken they were about to play.
-
Sam’s phone vibrated on the desk in front of her. She had just finished her first class of the day and was feeling positive.
It was a text from Andrew. A selfie of him wrapped in his grey scarf and that fluffy jacket Sam liked, with the message “ It’s fecking freezing over here! Good luck with your day, love you x ” Sam could hardly conceal her smile and out of habit, tried hiding it behind her hand. Luckily, most of the class had already exited the lecture hall so she could smile at her partner’s adorableness in peace.
Looking very handsome today, Mr. Byrne. We are absolutely sweltering over here, so I’ll make sure to send some of this heat over. Love you too x
-
Andrew had missed their video call session. They spoke about it this afternoon, so it feels illogical to Sam to conclude that maybe he just forgot. But she’s been waiting for an hour and it felt like the blow that might just make the dam wall crumble.
It had been a tough week. She was tired and homesick and this felt like the uncertainty her brain had been craving. So it latched on and poisoned her thoughts with all the insecurities she had been trying to suppress since she got here. Was Andrew thriving without her? Was he out having fun, laughing at the thought that Sam is up waiting for a call that would never come?
All these thoughts went against her better judgement and yet...Sam felt like she did all those years ago. Doing her master’s, heartbroken and abandoned. This feeling was what made her so hesitant to come. She never wanted to feel that pathetic again.
Her mind was consumed by the images of Andrew coming to say goodbye, telling her that it wasn’t necessary for her to take him to the airport. He wished her well, his whole face solemn and distant. He left her there, in the rubble of their future.
She knows that is ancient history and has long since been resolved, but it was like it was her anxiety brain’s go-to place. It was probably the darkest time in Sam’s life and her anxiety revelled in the fact that it always got a reaction. It always sent her plummeting into darkness.
Her phone vibrating on the pillow next to her woke her up. The room was dark, she must’ve fallen asleep. Sam frowned as she brought the phone to her face, the screen’s sudden light hurting her eyes. It was Andrew.
The knot in her stomach formed immediately and she felt queasy. “Hello?” Her voice sounded as unsure as she felt.
“Oh my god, Sam. I’m so sorry, I’ve only just now found my spare phone. Seamus knocked over my tea and both my laptop and phone just died immediately. I don’t know if I’ll be able to revive them, but I’m here. I didn’t forget. Lord, how could I? Are you alright?”
-
Airports always felt exciting to Andrew. There were so many stories playing out all around him. Moments of great significance happening each second and the rushed nature of everything definitely added to the excitement. People running to catch the plane in time, families excited for their holidays. It always intrigued him how one place could be so happy and so sad. A place that held such sad goodbyes and such happy hellos. Luckily for him, today he was part of the latter.
Sam’s flight was scheduled to land any second. His baby was finally returning home, to him. He knew he was a bit early, but he couldn’t help himself. He couldn’t stand another hour without her.
He wouldn’t lie and say that these last couple of months had been easy, but he’s happy they made it work. Even if that meant getting a bit creative, he was now a pro at having dinner in front of a laptop screen and getting Seamus to sit still enough for a photo. He was proud of them. This challenge was something they were both worried about, but to him it only made them more secure in their relationship. A renewed commitment to each other.
Andrew’s eyes scanned through the flights listed on the tiny screens littered through Arrivals. The British Airways flight from Cape Town International has apparently already started deboarding. Andrew’s heart started beating even faster. She’s so close, she’s almost here!
The other people hanging around, obviously also waiting for loved ones, started getting antsy. Everyone tried their best to appear calm and collected, but drifted closer and closer to the doors. The excitement in the air was tangible. Andrew started readjusting his clothes, just so his hands had something to do. There were only so many times he could unfold and refold his denim jacket sleeves.
After what seemed like an eternity, the sliding doors finally opened and passengers started streaming through it. Andrew’s hand immediately flew to his back pocket, which had a hastily folded sign stuffed into it. It had “Samantha” written on it in Andrew’s sloppy handwriting, surrounded by his best attempt at drawing hearts. Yes, he was excited. Yes, his hands were shaking.
Even though his eyes were frantically scanning through the crowd, Andrew didn’t see Sam first. He just heard a yelp and then saw a baggage trolley barreling towards him. Fortunately, he was quick to realise what was happening and caught Sam as she jumped into his arms. Her arms were around his neck and her thighs in his hands and he could almost start crying from happiness. A wave of relief washed over him. He could feel the tension in his shoulders melt away, the longing in his chest dissipate. He could smell her perfume again, feel her warmth against him again.
“Well, hello to you too!” He laughed, craning his neck to try and meet Sam’s eyes. Her head was still firmly nuzzled into his neck. After a few more moments, she leaned back, still not showing any sign of getting down. Andrew could see her eyes were wet, but she had the biggest smile. “Hello,” She sniffed, kissing him, finally.
“You ready to go home?” Andrew spoke softly after he broke the kiss, not wanting to spoil the tender moment they were in just yet. Sam nodded enthusiastically, but held Andrew’s gaze for a few more moments, almost as if she couldn’t believe he was right there, before she got down and took her place behind the baggage trolley again.
Sam took Andrew’s hand as they walked to the carpark. She held on so tightly and Andrew had the feeling she wasn’t letting go anytime soon. Neither was he , he thought as he kissed the top of her head.