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On a quiet April night a year and a half after everyone found Emma, the moon shined brightly through the window in Emma, Gilda, and Anna’s shared room. Anna was fast asleep as soon as she laid in her bed about two hours ago. Gilda was reading a book she picked up from the house’s library earlier that day and just couldn’t put it down. She had a mini night light on that Don gifted her a few months back which only enabled her to read late at night. Emma on the other hand was having a hard time falling asleep for the night. She had been tossing in her bed all because she couldn’t stop thinking. It was like her brain wouldn’t turn off for the night. Specifically, a question that has been burning in her mind for the past two days that she just couldn’t answer herself despite how hard she tried to wrap her mind around it. It was starting to get on her nerves. Why couldn’t she answer this question? It shouldn’t be this hard right? Finally admitting defeat to herself, Emma decided it’s probably best to ask someone else.
“Gilda” Emma called out in a whisper as to not disturb Anna’s sleep knowing she had been tired all day.
Emma heard the mattress next to her slightly creak.
“Something wrong Emma?” Gilda asked with concern clear in her voice.
Emma sat up on her bed and looked at Gilda, “How do you know if you’re in love?”
Clearly caught off guard, Gilda’s eyes widened. She promptly shut the book she was previously engrossed in not even a minute before and quickly stood up to sit on Emma’s bed. Without hesitation, Gilda asked, “What’s with the sudden question Emma?”
Emma shrugged.
“It’s a strange concept don’t you think? I thought since you’re with Don you would be the best person to ask.”
Gilda chuckled, “it is strange, but it’s kind of a hard question to answer. I think it’s different for everyone.”
Not pleased with that answer, Emma persisted.
“But in your experience, what is it like to realize you’re in love? It can’t be too different from other people.”
There was a slight pause.
“I guess... when I realized I loved Don I got shy when I was around him?”
“Right but what was the feeling like? What did you feel about him?” Emma now engrossed in the conversation knowing that she could get the answer to the question she was desperately trying to figure out herself.
“At first I remember feeling a sense of longing- wanting to be by his side I mean. It got harder each day because despite being close to him, there still felt like there was a barrier that wasn’t yet broken between us.”
Silence took over. Emma thought about what Gilda just told her. Wanting to stand by his side? Is that really all it took or was there more to it? There had to be more to it right? Gilda is probably just touching the surface of what being in love meant. But, for some reason, she resonated with that Gilda just said. It was strange.
“How about now?” Emma’s voice was small almost shy.
“How different is it now that you’re in a relationship?”
A warm smile spread across Gilda’s face.
“Now that love builds up more each day. I can’t imagine being with anyone other than Don.”
“Thanks, Gilda. For opening up like that just to answer my silly question” Emma whispered as she hugged Gilda.
“Don’t mention it, Emma. Also, don’t think about it too much. You’ll know you’re in love when the time comes. You’ll just know.” Gilda hugged Emma back.
That was a week ago.
Now sitting under an oak tree, failing to concentrate on reading a book, the conversation that night kept playing on repeat inside Emma’s mind. The reason? She couldn’t answer that, she just knew that there had to be a reason, and she’s getting a feeling that the reason was a certain white-haired boy that just so happens to be one of her best friends. Honestly, the thought that he has something to do with it scared her. It made her feel dumb and weak because compared to what her siblings told her about the demon world that she fought in, this should be nothing. Yet her doubts and insecurities have gotten to the best of her and that scared her even more.
Doubt. It’s what she’s been feeling for a long time now. She doubts that she’ll ever be the Emma that they grew up with and loved. She frequently thinks that must be a different person from how old Emma is, there is no doubt about that. But how different? She doubts she’ll ever know the answer to that. What about her memories? The memories she wants back more than anything because she wants to fit in with everyone just like how old Emma did. Sure she’s remembered a couple of things, but what about the missing gaps in her memory? She also doubts that she’ll get all her memories back.
It’s an endless loop of constant questions that she tried hard to push back because they’re all happy right? They don’t have to live in a world full of demons anymore. One thing she doesn’t doubt is that old Emma made the right decision. But it does not change the fact that she’s left with scattered memories, nightmares, and questions that she could not for the life of her piece together.
Sometimes she does things that are second nature to her, but she has no idea why she does those things and it scares her. Not knowing scares her. Not knowing how Norman feels about her scared her because for some reason his opinion matters a lot to her.
“Emma!” Suddenly she is brought back to the real world and those thoughts are once again pushed away. The book she brought out still on her lap as she looks up from where the noise is coming from.
“Hey, Emma! Lunch is ready!” she sees Lanni and Thoma yelling from the doorsteps of the back yard door about five yards away.
“I’ll be there soon!” Emma yells back, but all that thinking has made her lose her appetite. Maybe she’ll get up in 10 minutes or so. It was a very nice day after all and being alone in the usually loud backyard with handfuls of children running around was a nice change of pace.
She closed her eyes taking in the weather and the sunspots seeping through the leaves of the tree she was under.
She took a deep breath, “it really is a nice day.”
“It really is.” The masculine voice startled her and she instantly opened her eyes to see Norman standing in front of her.
“Ah, Norman! You scared me!” he laughed while sitting down beside Emma under the tree.
“Sorry about that, but I thought for sure you would’ve heard me walk up to you. I wasn’t trying to be sneaky you know.”
She gave him a smile, “It’s okay, I was zoning out a little” she chucked almost a little embarrassed while playing with her braid covering her missing ear.
“Arent you going to get lunch?” Norman asked looking at the book in her lap.
“I’m not that hungry, I’ll go in a bit” she explained while becoming aware of Norman checking out her book.
“Romance? That’s not a type of book you usually read”
“Uhh yeah, I figured that switching it up wouldn’t hurt. Plus Gilda recommended it to me, so… I thought why not?”
He gave her a strange look. Oh man, he’s reading me like a book she thought. Apparently, she had failed to push her thoughts about Norman all the way back because even she is willing to admit she’s acting a little weird. But, to be fair to herself he did catch her off guard.
“I see. I hope it’s been a good read so far”
He gave her one of his signature soft smiles that makes her heart feel like it died for a moment. She can’t help but stare at him. His face had changed in the year and a half they’ve been living together. Clearly, he’s aged with facial featured becoming more defined. He’s also gotten taller despite already being taller than her when they met again. She really isn’t helping herself by looking at his face like that.
She sighed. Almost instantly his smiling face was exchanged with one of concern.
“Is something wrong Emma?”
She looked down while staying quiet for a few seconds collecting her thoughts. Something is wrong, but how does she explain that it has to do with him. Not to mention her other problems that are really nothing new, but that’s a conversation for another day. Is it best to talk to him now about it? What if it changes things? ‘What if’- those are always the questions she asks herself. Would old Emma hesitate like this? She gripped her book and looked him in the eye.
“Norman, I’m conflicted. A bunch of thoughts has been filling my head these past two days and maybe it’s been going on longer than two days and I just never realized it to be a problem until recently… but, honestly, it scares me.” With that she loses the confidence she channeled from old Emma and looks to the side, no longer being able to look at him in the eye.
“I’m here if you need to talk Emma- I’m always here. You’ll always be a priority to me, but don’t rush yourself to tell me everything alright.” He puts a hand on her shoulder trying to comfort her.
“Thank you, but I think I have to let this out of my chest or it’ll continue to bother me.” She takes a deep breath and reaches out for his hands, holding them gently.
“Norman, how do you know when you’re in love?”
She waits a few seconds for an answer. Finding it strange that Norman hasn’t responded, she looks up at him only to see a wide-eyed Norman. Visibly surprised with his lips slightly parted.
“You don’t have to answer,” Emma offered while slowly letting go of his hands, “I know this is out of character for me, to ask about love. My old self probably didn’t think about this kind of stuff judging from your reaction, but I’m not demon world Emma anymore,” she said bitterly. It felt like her thoughts her being confirmed and maybe they are disappointed she’s not the same Emma.
He took hold of her hands and as if he knew what she was thinking, he contradicted her thoughts.
“I’m not disappointed you’re not exactly the same as old Emma. Frankly, that doesn’t matter. You’ll always be Emma no matter what.” He held a stern face. “Disregard my reaction, I just never thought the day would come when you’d ask me such a question. But to answer it, I believe you know when you’re in love when you’d risk your life for that person.”
“You mean like life or death?” She asked with uncertainty.
“Maybe what I said was too intense, but given that we grew in a world where it was life or death- I believe my belief is justified. Of course probably not in this world, but I’m still thinking with demon world mindset.”
“Oh” that’s all she could say. It was intense, a lot more intense than what Gilda said.
“But what about now? Now that we’re no longer in the demon world, what do you think?
He looked at Emma’s face as if he was trying to read her.
“I couldn’t say Emma, I’ve never fallen in love with someone in this world.”
“Have you ever fallen in love Norman?”
He gave her that soft smile again. Their hands were now interlocked.
“I have”
“What are they like?”
“She’s strong, selfless, and even a little reckless” She felt like she couldn’t breathe. Why? Is this what it feels like to love someone? She’s not sure, it’s the first time she’s truly felt it to this level. Without even realizing it she began to shed tears.
“Emma? Why are you crying?” He reaches for her cheek to wipe away the tears. Those ocean eyes filled with concern. She can’t help but laugh at herself. She sees that she’s a lovesick fool who barely has a grasp on what love even is.
“Why are you laughing Emma? Talk to me.”
“Norman, I understand now. What’s been bothering me, what I couldn’t understand until now.”
“What is it Emma?” he asks again still wiping her tears.
“I’m in love with you”
He freezes. She looks at him, tries to read him. Like usual he’s unreadable, thoughts start to plague her mind once more. But as soon as they start they stop.
“I am too.” Now it’s her turn to freeze. Did he mean he’s also in love with me? Does he actually mean it?
“D-do you really mean it?” he nods with a goofy smile plastered on his face. “You love me romantically?”
“Yes, Emma.”
“For how long? You said you fell in love with someone in the demon world? Was that person me?” She needed answers to the memories she couldn’t grasp at herself.
“Yes, I’ve loved you ever since we were kids.” He confirmed, but she wanted to remember. She wanted to remember their childhood. She wanted to know if her old self ever realized that he loved her.
She hugged him tightly as if her life depended on it.
“It scares me Norman, there’s still so much I don’t remember. I can’t even tell you if these feelings are new or old. I can’t even remember the good times we had as children.”
He hugged her back while stroking her hair.
“As I told you Emma, I’m here for you. We’ll take it one step at a time. I’ll always be here for you.”
She released him from her tight hug and looked into his eyes. She couldn’t believe it, how could someone look at me with so much love and tenderness, she thought. Had he always looked at her like that and she just hadn’t noticed? It amazed her.
“You amaze me Norman,” She placed her head on his shoulder and reached out for his hand, “I feel very lucky you’re there for me.”
“I feel very lucky that you’re still in my life,” he states, “not only that but I’m lucky that you’re in love with me as well.”
She looked up at him, eyes now dry of tears.
“So what now Norman? I didn’t plan for this to happen today.”
“Hmm, me neither. In fact, I never planned on telling you that I loved you.”
“Wha-”
“At least not anytime soon.” he smiled wide at her
“Right. But what does that make us?” she started playing with her braid again.
“Emma, we don’t have to put labels on anything. We could go at our own pace, whatever makes you comfortable.”
“Really?”
“Really,” he confirmed.
“In that case let’s just say we are two people in love with each other.”
“It’s a bit of a mouthful, but okay,” he laughed.
“Norman, I’m happy,” she smiled brightly at him. She radiated her happiness as if she were the sun incarnated.
“As am I Emma.”
She suddenly stood up.
“Come on Norman, I’m starting to get hungry. I was going to get up in 10 minutes and it’s been waaaay longer than that. Have you even had lunch yet?”
Emma offered a hand helping Norman get up off the ground. They started making their way towards the house hand in hand.
“I haven’t. Truth be told, I saw you sitting out here and I wanted to join you for a bit.”
Emma audibly gasped and Norman’s excuse.
“Norman! Did you want to eat lunch with me because you’re in love with me?”
Obviously teasing him Norman only laughed at her antics.
“That I am Emma. That I am.”