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Kara’s not really sure how it started.
She’s always been aware of Lena’s nervous habits– at least subconsciously. She sees the way Lena picks the skin off the tips of her fingers and bites at her nails until they bleed. She knows when she has to sit still for long periods, Lena will find loose threads on her clothes and wrap them around her knuckles until she can move freely once more. Kara even knows that on occasion, Lena’s been known to pull out strands of her own hair. Though, that’s something Lena’s always been way more subtle about.
Kara doesn’t know how it starts, but she remembers the first time someone pointed it out.
It was a Friday, months before they’d moved in together and game night was being held at Lena’s apartment instead of Kara’s. It was her first time hosting, her first time letting Kara’s friends into her home. And through all the commotion, Lena had gotten so caught up in cleaning and trying to make everything perfectly presentable, she’d forgotten she was supposed to be having fun too.
They were halfway through a game of Pictionary when Kara noticed Lena going back and forth between biting the edges of her already chewed-off nails and pulling her cuticles. She’d watched for a moment, then without giving it much thought, taken one of the red markers from off the coffee table and slipped it into Lena’s palm.
“What’s this for?” Lena had asked. “It’s not my turn.”
Kara shrugged. She turned over her hand and set it next to Lena’s, almost as if to offer it up to her.
“Draw me a picture,” she’d said.
“Right now?” Lena chuckled and furrowed her brow, looking at Kara like she was crazy. She’d drawn on Kara when she’d been anxious before, but never in front of their friends.
“Yeah, why not?”
And eventually, just like all the other times, Lena had obliged. She took Kara’s hand, smiling to herself as she drew a small farm with a corner sun by Kara’s thumb. As strange as it was, she had to admit, it was calming. Enough so that after a bit, she no longer felt the need to pick her skin. At least, that was until Alex pointed it out.
“What are you guys doing?”
“I’m…”
That was the first time Lena really thought about it. She’d looked down at Kara’s hand and the open marker hovering above it, the messy picture of the farm and two stick figures beside it.
“I, uh– I just like it when Lena’s doodles on my hand,” Kara had jumped in, saving Lena’s ass completely.
After that instance, Lena couldn’t help but officially acknowledge it.
“Why do we do the hand thing?” She’d asked. “Don’t get me wrong, it does help me but am I… does it inconvenience you?”
“No, not at all,” Kara said.
She took Lena’s hand in hers and intertwined their fingers. By then, night had fallen and both of them were ready for bed. Kara had washed her hands multiple times but stains of the red ink still lingered, leaving a faded outline on the back of her palm.
“I love seeing the things you come up with, especially when you leave little notes.”
Lena felt her cheeks fill with heat. She bowed her head and a smile spread across her lips, her heart skipping a beat at Kara’s words.
“Or when you accidentally rewrite the blueprints for one of your projects and I end up with confidential L Corp plans on my wrists,” Kara added with a prompt kiss to Lena’s forehead. “Those make me feel like I’m some sort of secret agent. Even though the ‘immediately running to the bathroom to wash it off as soon as I realize what it is part isn’t very fun.”
“Yeah, I should probably stop doing that,” Lena said with a laugh. “But I’m glad you get a kick out of me unknowingly revealing company secrets.”
“But you know what my favorite is?” Kara asked.
Lena shook her head. “What?”
“The farm,” Kara said. She held up her hand, still loosely holding Lena’s to show as an example.
“I love how you draw one every time and how they’re always a little different.”
“Oh… I had no idea you noticed those.”
“Of course, I do,” Kara said, smiling at the notion.
Though she’d never said anything before, the specific repeated doodles had piqued her interest for quite some time. Kara knew Lena was a very intentional person. There was no reason she’d draw the same thing so many times if it didn’t mean something to her.
So after a moment of contemplation, Kara decided to take the plunge and just ask.
“Why do you always draw them?”
“I… I’m not sure,” Lena said, giving a small shrug. She’d let her head fall to Kara’s shoulder, her thumb tracing the patterns written in her palm as she mulled over her response.
“I guess I’ve thought about us a few times… living on a farm somewhere. Maybe in Midvale since that’s where Eliza is, and it’s not too far from Clark and Lois,” she said. She managed an absentminded smile as she felt the words begin to naturally flow right out of her, her body filling with ease at the confession.
It was still just a bit nerve–wracking to say out loud. Mostly because the fantasy had lived on for so long, Lena hadn’t known if Kara would find it ridiculous. But now that she was getting all out in the open, she couldn’t even be sure what she’d ever been so worried about in the first place.
“So, on this farm, do we have animals?” Kara asked, pulling Lena out of her head as she quirked an eyebrow.
“Yes, of course,” Lena responded without any hesitation. She’d given this part the most consideration since she knew it would be Kara’s favorite. “We’d have a few cows, a chicken coop, and a horse. And a dog. Probably a German Shepard, but I’m open to other options.”
“Any kids?”
“Yeah, but not for a while. We’ll need a few years on our own. And I need time to teach you how to ride a horse before we become parents.”
“Why would I need to know how to ride a horse?”
“So you can teach our daughter.”
Kara paused. She couldn’t argue with that logic. Plus she had to admit, she did like the idea of learning to ride a horse.
So from then on out–– while it had always been something they did, the hands and the markers became their thing.
Lena would catch herself picking her fingers and as if it were second nature, ask Kara if she could take her hand instead. If they didn’t have pens, she’d merely trace the patterns written in Kara’s palm with her nails. She’d follow the creases knuckles with her thumb or the ridges of her nails with the back of her index finger.
And after a while, Kara started carrying washable markers in her jacket pockets and hand sanitizer in her bag just in case. After all, while the touch was nice, she loved seeing the little pictures Lena would create.
They were normally pretty simple–– lots of sunflowers and stars. But it always depended on the day. If Lena had missed breakfast, she’d draw strawberries or other various fruits to silently signal to her girlfriend that she was hungry. On those mornings, Kara would try to stop by over lunch to bring her Big Belly Burger. And every time without fail when she returned to her office, she’d find plumeria’s on her desk and a handwritten thank you note.
Sometimes on the morning of a big meeting, Kara would arrive at CatCo and straight go to the restroom to wash her hands. Normally it wouldn’t be until her fingers had already been submerged beneath the water that she’d notice Lena had rewritten her notes onto Kara’s wrist. And then, of course, there was Kara’s favorite–– the farmhouse. So it only seemed fitting, that when Kara went to get her first tattoo, that would be what she got.
It was terrifying, to say the least, both getting the tattoo and coming home to show Lena. That had to be the scariest part, knowing her girlfriend might not see it the way she had.
“Lena?” She’d called out as she shut front the door and did a quick scan of their apartment.
“I’m in the bedroom, darling,” Lena responded.
Drawing in a breath, Kara wiped her sweaty palms on the sides of her jeans and made her way through the loft to their shared room. She smiled as she entered, the sight of Lena sitting at her desk, drawing out plans for the new tech she’d been developing instantly filling her with ease.
“Can I... can I show you something?” Kara asked. She rocked back and forth on her heels, humming quietly to herself in order to calm her nerves.
“Yeah, of course.”
Lena stood up, pushed in her chair, and took a step towards her girlfriend.
“What is it?” She asked.
“So, I uh, I got a tattoo today. I would’ve told you, but I kinda wanted it to be a surprise,” Kara explained. “I thought… I don’t know, I just love the drawings you leave me so much, and I really wanted to commemorate one of them, you know? To have it on me forever.”
Lena’s breath caught in her throat, heart stopping as she took in Kara’s words.
“Can I see it?”
Kara lifted her hand and extended it to Lena. Instantly, she felt a weight lift off her shoulders when she saw the smile that had spread across Lena’s lips.
“That’s… I drew that,” Lena said softly. She chuckled and ran her index finger over the plastic wrap covering the design, glancing up at Kara to make sure the contact wasn’t hurting her. “It’s my farmhouse… you got my farmhouse!”
“Do you like it?”
“Yes, I… I just have a lot of questions,” Lena said. “Like how did you get the needle to pierce your skin?”
“Oh, I brought a red sun ring light,” Kara said as if it was the most simple thing in the world. “The artist thought it was a little weird, but they let me use it anyway. I told them it was for emotional support.”
Lena nodded, still taking in the marks to the best of her ability. It was perfect, the gesture was perfect, but it was just–– it was so confusing.
“What about the healing process?”
“Well I can’t get human infections, so it’s kinda a one–and–done deal. It’s pretty much already healed too.”
“Wow,” was all Lena could say in response.
Kara furrowed her brow, a crinkle appearing between her eyes.
“You don’t like it?” She asked.
She looked at Lena, holding her breath as she awaited the response. Maybe it was too much, but Kara had thought the tattoo was a great idea–– she loved Lena and the little doodles she left so of course, it had seemed like the perfect choice. If Lena wasn’t okay with it though, then that made the whole thing, well, a disaster, really.
“No, I do like it. And I love that you like my drawings so much, I just… what if one day you regret it? What if you realize you don’t love me anymore and we break up and you’re just stuck with that drawing on your wrist for the rest of your life?” Lena rambled. She paused, eyes widening at the realization she’d said it all out loud.
“Lena, I’m never going to fall out of love with you,” Kara reassured her. She lifted her hand, cupping Lena’s cheek in her palm, and allowing the pad of her thumb to trace across her jawline. “Even when we’re old and grey and wrinkly, when our kids have moved out and we’re living alone together in Midvale, I’m still going to love every inch of you. And I’m going to love this tattoo because that little doodle is where this all started.”
Lena bowed her head, feeling heat creep through her cheeks and turn her face bright red.
“I’m really glad to hear you say that,” she said, tears of joy and relief springing to her eyes. “Because I don’t plan on falling out of love any time soon with you either.”
“Good.” Kara grinned. “I’m glad we’re on the same page.”
The moment didn’t seem like much, but Lena carried it with her all through the rest of the week. She replayed Kara’s words in her head, her mind a record player humming that gentle song of the assurance that no matter what, she had Kara on her side.
That night, Lena fell asleep to the tune of western farm life dreams, a world with Kara she could envision so perfectly. She thought about it the next morning before work when she saw Kara pairing cowboy boots with her khaki pants, and later that evening when Kara let out a relieved yee–haw as she kicked them off.
And then again, after they’d eaten dinner and were relaxing on the couch together, the fantasy worked its way into Lena’s head once more. She was holding Kara’s hand in hers, occasionally glancing over at her to check in. They sat together in comfortable able silence, the only sound coming from the turning of a page as Kara finished off the next section of one of her old novels. Lena as always was drawing on her hand, filling in the spaces beneath her palm to perfection.
“Are you coloring in my farmhouse?” Kara asked, breaking the silence after a moment. She smiled without looking up, but Lena could see the dimples turning in towards the edges of her cheeks.
“Yeah, how could you tell?”
“I can’t really, I guess that spot’s just a little sensitive now,” Kara said. “It feels nice though, so don’t let me stop you from creating.”
“You’re not,” Lena responded with a chuckle. She turned back to Kara’s wrist, smiling softly as she ran her thumb over the outline. The tattoo fit so nicely on Kara’s arm, almost as nicely as the way their hands slipped together like pieces of a puzzle. It just seemed to work, they seemed to work. Like they’d always been meant to fit together.
Starting at the image, Lena couldn’t help but imagine it all once more. The horses, the dog, the eventual baby, and the calmness of small–town life.
“Do you ever daydream about it?” She asked. ‘Beet red’ didn’t even begin to describe the color her face turned at the question. She felt like a middle schooler getting ready to talk to her crush on the playground. “I know you said you liked the idea… but do you ever really think about it?”
“Sure, I do,” Kara responded. “I think about how I know I won’t have to worry about a thing, because you’ll insist on planning everything out yourself. And how I could set up a stand at the farmers market where I could sell pastries or fresh eggs, and I’d get to show you around all my favorite places. Things like that.”
Lena nodded. Her heart was pounding against her chest. The noise felt so loud, she was sure if she didn’t get it to slow down, it was literally going to burst right out of her.
“What if we did it for real?” She asked. “What if we… I don’t know, we did it?”
“What?”
Kara paused, unsure of what Lena was getting at. She could feel the marker dragging against her skin, slow and steady motions as she locked eyes with Lena.
“You really want to do this?” Kara asked. Lena squeezed her hand and nodded, lifting her wrist so Kara could see it.
“Lena…”
Marry me? Had been written on her wrist, tracing the bottom of the grass Lena had added onto her farmhouse tattoo.
“Marry me, Kara?” Lena asked, her eyes filling with tears.
“Yes.” She didn’t hesitate at all. She didn’t need to, Kara had known the answer to that question since before they were dating. “Yes, Lena, I’ll marry you.”