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Adora knows somewhere in the back of her mind that she misses Catra. That she masks it with hatred. That she lets her fear of the Horde taking everything from her get to her some nights just so she won’t have to think about it.
But it’s still there.
Like a flame surrounding her heart that just won’t stop burning.
Sometimes she feels like the smoke fills her lungs. Wraps itself around them and just squeezes.
Just so she’ll feel something other than constant worry that Etheria is going to be taken over.
That’s not to say that Adora isn’t happy sometimes.
She’s happy when she’s with Glimmer and Bow. She’s happy when they have sleepovers at night and steal something called cake from the kitchen. She’s happy when she gets to go to celebrations as She-ra and watch people rejoice around her.
She-ra.
The very thing that caused the rift between her and Catra.
She’s sure that Catra doesn’t see it that way though.
Catra is the only one who calls her Adora when she’s in her She-ra form and she has yet to figure out why. People have yet to tell her why.
The problem is that She-ra is not her.
She-ra’s strong and powerful and she can do everything that Adora can’t.
She can save people.
Like Adora can’t.
The portal incident proved as such.
The portal that Catra set off is something she has to remind herself of.
She can’t wrap her head around why Catra did it.
To prove a point? To prove her loyalty to Hordak? To show Adora that she just doesn’t need her anymore? That she doesn’t need Adora to save her?
That she doesn’t need Adora anymore?
And if that’s the case then why is that a point she needs to prove?
It’s not like Adora needs Catra anymore. Or still does her morning routine based around how she did it in the Horde. Or thinks about what Catra would do if she would have just taken Adora’s hand when she had the chance.
Was Catra also proving a point when she did that?
Why does she feel the need to prove that point so much?
She did it when she set off the portal, she did it when she wouldn’t let She-ra just help her with the spiders, she did it every time she refused to take Adora’s hand.
And she won’t stop doing it.
What happened to it being just the two of them at the end of the world?
They weren’t supposed to be on opposite sides when it came to the end of the world.
One of them was not supposed to cause the end of the world.
The worst part is that she still cares about Catra.
That she knows that if she ever saw Catra hurt that she’d rush in to save her without hesitation. That she’d abandon any sort of morals she set up with her new team and just help her.
It’s the worst possible feeling.
Especially since she knows that Catra would not do the same for her.
She hopes that one day Catra does the same for her. She hopes that one day Catra apologizes. She hopes that one day Catra will join her and Glimmer and Bow and stop the Horde.
She hopes, but she knows that it’s not realistic.
Catra does not say sorry.
And Catra knows how to hold a grudge.