Work Text:
The days spent walking
Pointing out birds
wheeling across Summer skies
in familiar fields
And on far away moors
I learnt the important lessons
Nature, geography, history, kindness
I can name the birds and the trees
I appreciate those years
Knowing now what I didn't realise then
They were the most important of days.
Stories of his childhood,
The younger years,
How times have changed,
Memories clear despite the passing time
Talking about meaningful songs
I still listen to them now.
History and culture
Where we came from
My bloodline stretching back
Through the generations
I didn't realise
What made me who I am
Remembering times of childhood
A strong hand on a bike seat
Safety as I learned, security.
Now unable to hold a cup
He told me
“You never know how many more
tomorrows you'll get.”
I held onto that
He dealt with his diagnosis
better than I did.
The memories flooding in
Now with the midnight silence
regrets rolling in, the years swept away
like waves on the shore
What I would trade now
For one more conversation
One more walk in the wilderness
One more day with my father
The confusion breaks the heart
He doesn't know who I am now
No memory of his youngest
Calls me by my brother's names
He woke at midnight
Wanted to get up
I sat with him in the dark
Told him it wasn't time
There was so much I wanted to say
But I told him I loved him
Before he fell asleep
It was the final time
Lying in the dark
Listening to the rhythmic breathing
Of the machine in the corner
Unnatural, yet the consistency soothes
I awake with the silence
Sudden, it cuts through my dreams
The machine has stopped
The breathing has stopped
I lie in confusion
Then I realise
There will be no more hugs
No more stories
No more imparted wisdom
No more conversations
With my father.
And every now and then
I think of something
I'd like to say to him
Another conversation
With my father
I can never have