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I remember when I lost her.
She was my best friend, yet I simply let us grow apart. I let her resent me, hate me.
It was my fault, I’ve always known that. I shouldn't have put up that video, I vividly remember Bay begging me to delete the video, not humiliate the girl like this.
But I did it anyway.
She never forgave me for it.
It was only a few years later when Daphne came into the picture. She was such a great friend and I fucked that up as well.
Then there was Toby. I don't know what void I was thinking I could fulfill. He wasn't her. He was a Kennish, but he wasn't Bay Kennish.
I let myself cheat on him. I may not have been in the right mind, but I know that doesn't excuse it or make it right. I cheated on Toby with Emmett. I cheated on Toby with Bay's boyfriend.
God, I’m so stupid.
I often question what I expected when I went to the Kennish household, almost counting my steps as I found my way toward Bays Art Studio. The door was open and she was working on a painting.
I remember what that painting was, a simple sunset. The purple sky soft and peaceful within the piece, the sight seemed to calm my nerves slightly.
It hadn't taken Bay long to realize I was there. She had turned around, her expression immediately dropping into a deep frown at the sight of me. I really shouldn't be surprised.
“What do you want Simone? Toby isn't here and I doubt he wants to see you anyway.” the response had been snappy and to the point.
My stomach was in knots as I tried to find the words to reply, Bay's eyes boring into me in what could be described as disgust. It was well deserved, yet it still hurt.
“I didn't come to see Toby.”
One of Bays eyebrows had raised immediately.
“I actually wanted to apologize to you-”
“Apologize for what!? Having sex with my boyfriend or cheating on my brother!?”
My mouth had immediately closed shut, hurt etching its way across my face. I deserved that.
“We aren't friends anymore Simone. I don't want to be friends. You never change, you just keep fucking things up for everyone and you need to just stay out of our lives!”
It had taken me a moment to get my bearings. I took in a shaky breath before I responded, my feet taking a risky step forward toward the dark-haired girl as she did. “Bay, I know I can never make up for what I did.” my voice had cracked slightly. “But I never wanted to hurt you.”
“It’s a little late for that don't you think?”
I don't know what had gone through my mind at that moment, what made me think my next action would ever be a good idea. Yet I had taken another step forward, my hands moving to her neck, not hesitating to crash my lips to Bays. Desperation laced the kiss I had given her, the other teen had stood still in shock for a moment. Completely shocked by the action.
I hadn't expected it, but I was surprised to find Bay returning the kiss. Her hands cautiously found their way to my waist as she kissed me back, almost seeming to want this as much as I did.
The short moment of bliss didn't last long, Bay pulled away and took a step back. Shocked covered the girl's face and my mind was reeling.
“I-” Bay choked out, her eyes having scanned over myself as she tried to find her voice. She had run a hand through her curly black hair. “I can't.”
“Bay-” I started out, feeling the need to apologize or fix this somehow.
“Simone just leave, please.” there had been desperation in her voice, eyes pleading.
Thus, I had let out a deep sigh. Shook my head and left without a word.
I love her.
A lot.
And I hate that I do.