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The first thing Five did when coming in the door to his and Vanya’s apartment was run to his room, shut the door, and jump onto his bed. He shoves his face in the pillow and pouts. He’s not crying, he’s not happy, he doesn’t know what he should be feeling. He pulls at his new shirt and fingers at the fabric on the edges. He bunches it up in his hands and sighs into his pillow. He lets out a dry cough in the pillow and his eyes are burning. His mind racing, thinking about his evening.
It was their first Christmas since coming home from their whole End-Of-The-World adventure. Allison has an average sized house on the nicer side of town, so she invited the siblings to spend Christmas with her and Luther. No one else really had anything to do and didn’t have any other family to spend it with.
Five had to admit, all the lights around getting closer and closer to her house were very nice. When he saw Allison’s Christmas tree he stared in awe. Lila was already there, she had been there earlier to help Allison set up christmas dinner.
“It’s so good to see you guys!” Allison exclaimed and hugged Vanya. She turned to Five and rubbed his back, he was still working on physical contact. He appreciated that his sisters were patient with him. Lila saw him and made fake stabbing motions and smiled, he nodded at her.
Vanya and Five placed the gifts they had under the tree. “This will be fun, Five. Just relax.” Vanya whispers to Five, out of Lila and Allison’s sound range.
“I’m not a baby, I’ll be fine.” Five snaps at her, she just elbows him. She’s familiar with him. Every other sentence is some insult or defence. Vanya joined Allison at the table while Five plopped down on the couch next to the tree.
Five relaxed and listened to his siblings talk before Klaus and Diego walked in, pretending to dance. He rolled his eyes at them and Luther shuffled in after them. Diego and Klaus hadn’t managed to get a car for either of them yet, so Luther had to pick them up.
“Hey, little Five!” Klaus was the first to say when he saw he was there, placing two gifts under the tree next to Five. Diego nodded at Five and passed him to see Lila. Luther walked straight to Allison and Vanya.
“Hi Klaus.” Five smiled, Klaus was a good person, Five’s probably seen Klaus the most aside from Allison. And of course aside from Vanya, who he was living with. He was closest with Vanya, and Klaus was probably his very own number 2. Five shook his head at the joke and Klaus left to find the dessert table.
Five had to admit it was a nice enough evening. There was music playing on Luther's stereo, there were a few presents under the tree. They agreed to do a secret santa for their first year to keep it simple. Five was grateful, he still didn’t have a job. He was just now “14 years old” according to his body and legal status. He did notice his body was growing. He struggled making money on odd jobs but in a few years he could probably find himself a real job.
He wondered who his secret santa was, he had Klaus. It was easy enough, he’d seen Klaus around enough the last few months after everyone got comfortable. Klaus really liked those stupid small toys of previously “normal sized” toys. “Worlds smallest” or whatever. Whenever he’d been to Klaus and Diego’s apartment he could see different toys, rubik's cubes or an etch a sketch, just miniature.
Five went to the mall a while ago and saw a small chess set. It could fit in just his hand. When he saw the pieces, they had such detail. They felt so delicate in his hand, fragile and small. He could admit to himself that the small toy was very cute, he obviously had to get that for Klaus.
Lila and Diego joined Allison, Luther, and Vanya at the table. Klaus moved from the dessert table to help Allison serve the plates on her table.
“Five, come sit with us, we’re about to eat” Allison called to Five. He sighed loudly so she’d hear but got up regardless. He was feeling more relaxed most days but he couldn’t help to be so sarcastic with them.
He didn’t eat a lot at dinner, he was nervous about giving Klaus his gift. He’d never had to give someone a gift before. Well, he did draw Vanya playing the violin while at an early therapy session he attended. He couldn’t think of anything else to draw and the therapist wanted him to draw something. He gave it to her when he came home and she loved it, asked if she could hug him and she even hung it on her fridge. She was really playing the part of his mom well.
Klaus and Diego mostly made gross jokes the whole dinner while Lila looked like she was about to jump Diego the whole time. Five wanted to vomit at the whole display. Allison kept it as polite as she ever is, and Luther mostly told stories about his work the previous week. Vanya was politely nodding along with what everyone was saying while Five himself had to point out all the stupid things his siblings were saying or roll his eyes while sighing loudly at them.
Klaus was the first to admit dinner was over. They’d been sitting at the table for about half an hour after eating just catching up. “Well, I don’t know about you, but I’m stuffed.” He patted his flat stomach in an attempt to show how “full” he was.
Diego looked at Klaus as he stood up, ”The wrong kind of stuffed, eh bro?” he nudged Klaus.
“Guys, not at the dinner table, come on” Luther says as getting up. Diego laughs and Klaus skips to the tree.
“Is it present time, dear sister?” Klaus asks looking at Allison.
“We can open presents whenever. We could have opened them before eating.”
Klaus plants himself in front of the tree at that and starts reading the gifts. He shouts out the siblings names as he throws the presents at them. He even shouts his own name and throws it straight in the air, but he misses catching it. Five remembers how fragile the toy felt in his hand. He holds his tongue, and catches the gift that gets thrown at him.
It was a fairly flat but medium box. It was very light, so it couldn’t have been a picture frame. He shook it and it didn’t make a sound. He figured it could be clothes, or a flat pillow. He looked at the name tag, and saw a messy number 5 and then Luther's name under it. Five looked at Luther, who was looking at Diego. Diego must have gotten Luther.
Everyone started sitting down in a large half circle in front of the Christmas tree. Five sat between Vanya and Allison.
“Who wants to start?” Allison says, holding up a small gift.
Klaus holds up his gift, all too excited to be there, “Oh, me!” Everyone laughs as he starts opening it before Allison gives him permission.
“Hey, Klaus you’re supposed to read who it’s from! Come on man.” Diego nudges him.
“Fine…” Klaus has to pick up a few pieces of papers to find the name tag. “Oh, it’s little Fivey!”
Five just waves him off, hoping he’s putting off a good annoyed face. He does hope Klaus likes it, and he hopes it’s not broken from Klaus’s violent nature.
Klaus opens the box and holds up a small chess board. He clips it open and inside are the even smaller pieces. Klaus squeals immediately and the siblings all cover their ears or show disapproval.
“Klaus, relax, I’m going deaf over here. Hearing Vanya practice the violin was bad enough.” Luther jokes, and Vanya glares at him.
“Fivey! It’s so cute! So small, so portable, so put-on-displayable!” Klaus exclaims while holding up the small chess board. Five relaxes despite the annoying squeal, glad to know he likes it.
“Yeah, yeah, I saw it and thought it was stupid. Knew you’d like it.” Five winks at Klaus.
Diego laughs, “It does look stupid.” and pokes Klaus. Klaus just holds the chess board close to his heart and smiles.
“Oh, Lila should go next! I was her secret santa!” Klaus shouts. Lila holds up her gift, a flat medium box like Five’s. Lila opens it effortlessly to reveal a dark gray pencil skirt.
“Thanks Klaus, though this seems a little too posh for me.” Lila gives a half smile and lays the skit on her lap.
“Diego you better watch out, Klaus knows Lila’s waist size.” Allison pokes fun and Diego shakes his head with a smile.
“Nah, he’s more likely to steal Luther from you than steal Lila from me.” Diego retorts, “If you know what I mean.”
“Haha, gay joke.” Allison deadpans at him.
Lila rolls up the wrapping from her gift and throws it at Allison. Allison hits it out of the air and Five gets caught in the crossfire. He holds up his gift to protect himself from the surprise assault.
“Five’s holding up his gift, he’s volunteering to go next”, Lila laughs out.
“No I am not” Five tries to protest, suddenly shy of opening a gift in front of everyone.
Allison rubs his back, “Oh come on, it’s not going to bite you.”
“It could, what if it’s from Klaus.” Diego pops in, and Klaus waves his hand at him in response.
Five rolls his eyes and starts opening it. A button up dress shirt is inside, with classic cartoon cactuses printed all over it. He squints at it for a minute and looked up at Luther, waiting for an explanation for the childish design on it.
“Cactuses, like how you see in apocalypse movies where everything is dead and there’s… just cactuses… everywhere” Luther tries explaining.
“That’s insensitive, Luther.” Allison scolds and Luther gives puppy dog eyes at her.
“No, it’s okay. I didn’t see any cactuses, I was still in the city…” Five explains, but it doesn’t feel okay. “It’s just a stupid shirt, right Luther?”
“Yeah, thought it’d be funny.” Luther awkwardly answers. Most of the siblings mutter under their breaths, or they’re actually voicing their disapproval, Five couldn’t tell. He felt very zoned in on the shirt. Five looked up to see them worriedly looking at him. He rolls his eyes at them and just puts the shirt on in an attempt to comfort them.
They continued opening their gifts but Five couldn’t pay attention at all. Luther didn’t spend a lot of time with him, sure, Five probably spent the least amount of time with Luther since getting back to the present. Five figured he could have asked someone about his interests. He liked books a lot for one. Were they always going to see the boy that ran away and got lost in the apocalypse for 45 years when they see him? They think of him as an old broken and lost man.
The rest of the evening was a blur to him. He could go most days not feeling lost or feeling in a blur of nothing. Today was one of his good days, but it turned sour so fast. He wanted his siblings to see him, not the apocalypse when they thought of him. He didn’t want to think of the apocalypse anymore, he was here with his family, he saved them. They could all live and be free from the end.
The drive home was mostly silent. Vanya tried talking to him a few times. Five didn’t know why he could get so moody so fast. He wanted to feel okay, but it feels like any second Five could be thrown back into the past, remembering his dead siblings or remembering how alone he was or how he struggled to survive.
They made it home to where Five was now. Curled up on his bed, face in the pillow, holding onto his new shirt.
“Knock knock, Five,” Vanya gently says while standing in his doorway. He looks up at her and she’s holding a coffee and a peanut butter and marshmallow sandwich. She also has another gift in her hand. “I’d bring a hot chocolate, but I know you like coffee more.” She walks in and places the drink and sandwich on his side table. “I’m sorry Luther got that stupid shirt. He can be insensitive, but he doesn’t mean to be.”
“He’s just stupid himself…” Five whispers and holds his pillow closer.
“He is.” Vanya smiles and agrees. “You can get rid of the shirt, I don’t think he’ll ever mention it again.”
“... Maybe…” Five murmurs. He could pretend to be strong and keep it. Act like he’s better than the apocalypse and a stupid shirt with cactuses on it doesn’t mean anything. But it does mean something, it means a lot. His family means a lot. Bitter and sweet.
Vanya puts the gift next to him on the bed.
“... Is that for me?” Five asks, Vanya nods.
“Open it when you like. No rush.”
Five isn’t always patient. He picks it up delicately, it’s flat but not light. It’s not wrapped, it’s just a colorful box. He opens it and slips the contents out. It’s a picture of him and her in a plain black frame, standing outside of his therapist’s office. It’s probably the only photo of him around.
She’s got her arm around her and he’s holding the stupid journal his therapist wanted him to write in. He’s still not written in it. He’s awkwardly smiling and her mouth was open, in the middle of telling him to smile wider. He laughed and refused to retake the picture, and she left it at that. It was good enough, it looked like.
Vanya hugs him and gets up to leave. “Wait.” Five stops her and she turns around. “Do you want half of the sandwich?” He offers.
“I’d love it.” She smiles and sits back down.