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“Adam what do you think you’re doing?”
“I’m hiring our new bass player.”
“But he doesn’t know how to play the bass.”
“He said he would learn.”
“Are you hiring him because he just happens to be your type?”
“Monte you know me better than…”
“I do, you know Adam. Tommy fits right into that mold you have for the perfect man. What you need to do is hire someone with skills, not someone you want to fuck. What if the guy isn’t even gay?”
“He quotes Velvet Goldmine; he has to be gay.”
“Adam.”
“Monte.”
“What you need to think about is…”
“Who would round out the perfect band. It’s him and before you open your mouth again I have already told Lane to offer him the job. He’s
going to be perfect, just you wait and see.”
“I really hope so.”
“I know so.”
And he was perfect. Not only did he learn to play the bass as though he had been doing so his entire life but he had charm. There wasn’t a member of the band not affected by him. It only made Adam’s crush deepen. Till the day he found out Tommy was straight with no possible way of being bent or broken. Adam knew this and yet his mind refused to let it sink in instead succumbing to the torture.
Touring through Europe Adam loved to see the amusement in Tommy’s eyes at each new country they visited. The tiny Californian boy had never been overseas before this. Never thought he would be privileged enough to see so much in such a short time. Adam liked to think he was sharing all these special moments with him.
But it wasn’t enough. Every chance he got Adam was inviting the blond onto his bus to watch movies or talk about things. Took him out to dinner countless times. Adam had even got his hair cut the same way though after he had done it there was a sinking feeling in his stomach that what he had done was more creepy then endearing. Till Tommy called him an ‘awesome dude’ for it.
Already being a touchy feely type of person Adam pulled Tommy into hugs and bumped fists with him before each show. They would kiss on stage and every night he would tell people it’s all a performance and there was no feeling behind it. And later in the evening when he had masturbated to mental images of Tommy he would just tell himself that he was lonely. The further the tour got the more Adam realized it was never meant to be.
“Adam?” There was a knock on the door of his hotel room. Monte’s voice coming from the other side. “I know you’re in there cause I just checked Tommy’s room and he’s with Isaac.”
Rub it in why don’t you. Getting up, he let out a sigh. Monte would never go away and right now he felt tired and wanted to rest. Opening the door, Adam blocked the path to enter. “Yes?”
“Let me in.”
One eyebrow raised. “Have we resorted to threats?”
“We will resort to sumo belly pushing if you don’t let me in.”
With a wave of his hand as his way of saying whatever Adam walked away from the door and back to his bed, smiling slightly as the blankets were still a little warm.
Shutting the door behind him, Monte entered the room and took a seat in a chair. “You can’t mope about.”
“I’m not moping.”
“So what do you call this?”
“Sleeping. Or rather trying to.”
“Right.” Monte scratched at his knee saying the next words delicately. “I’m sorry he doesn’t love you back but you can’t let that stop you from loving someone else.”
“I don’t want to talk about this.”
“But you’re going to. Tommy’s a great guy. I’m glad you hired him. You were right; he completes this band. But you have been trying to make something work that is never going to.”
“Shut up already.” Adam pulled a pillow over his head.
“I know the pain you went though when Brad left. You told me that you would never put your heart and soul into another person again.”
“And in trying to I just proved my point.” The pillow was tucked back under his head. Adam scrunched his face against it. “I fall for the perfect guy who will never fall for me.”
“You need to get out.”
“What?”
“To a club. Just you and not the rest of the band. Adam if you don’t unwind you’re going to fall apart on stage or worse.”
“How could it get any worse?”
“Remember back stage at the Amsterdam show? You where so fucked up that you almost confessed your feelings to Tommy. It was crazy enough that you tried to dry hump him in the dressing room.”
“He was fucked up too and said that he couldn’t remember anything the next day.”
“That he would tell you.”
Groaning, Adam buried his face against the pillow. For a second he felt like screaming. Instead he sat up. “So I go to this club and everything is magically better?”
“Hardly. But you need time for yourself.”
“I guess.”
“We leave for Finland tonight. From what I hear you can walk around downtown there and not have to worry about being mobbed by fans.
It’s the perfect place.”
“For me to freeze my ass off.”
“I saw that coat you bought. It’s a little much.”
“Still not warm enough.”
“Anyways I’ll keep Lane busy and you go do your thing. Just don’t be stupid again.”
“Now I’m stupid?”
“I only call the ones I love stupid.”
“Then you’re an idiot.”
Of course when it turned out that Monte was indeed right Adam did feel stupid. After an amazing show he headed for a small gay club he had been told about. It was a lift to his spirits to be out amongst other people just drinking, dancing and having a good time. Some of those around him did recognize who he was but they were all polite about it. Letting him have some space and buying him the most exotically named drinks.
Getting a good buzz going Adam felt bolder as well. There was a blond man who had entered the club not that long ago and Adam was unable to take his eyes off of him. In his chest Adam felt his heart pick up the pace and knew he had to say hello. But he wasn’t back home in America. What if this guy couldn’t even understand him, or worse hated him?
Placing his empty glass at the bar, he called over the bartender. Leaning in close to talk over the music, he motioned to the blond by the beaded curtain. “Is he a regular?”
Squinting his eyes, the young man shook his head in a yes. “Name's Sauli. He won Big brother.”
“Thanks.” Slipping the man some Euros, Adam held his head up high and walked over to the other. “Hey you're Pauli right?” He was trying to
play it cool. Act as though he might know who the other was. Till the plan backfired.
“It’s Sauli actually.”
Great, meet an attractive guy and butcher his name right away. “I’m Adam.”
“I know who you are.”
Not knowing if that was good or bad, Adam continued. He would talk about almost anything just to hear that delicious accent some more.
“Buy you a drink?”
“How about a walk?”
He wanted to go outside? Didn’t he realize it was arctic weather out there? Adam could see the headlines now. Famous singer frozen stiff. Propped up as a statue till he thaws. “Sure. Sounds….good.”
They went to coat check for their coats. Adam was amazed how thin looking Sauli’s coat was. But then living here, one must get used to the cold. Just made him miss back home. Getting out to the stone side walk, the two started to walk. Adam let him lead the way.
“I’m not going to sleep with you.”
“Excuse me?” As if he had to have heard that wrong.
“Just because you’re famous. I will not sleep with you.”
“I never asked you to.” But now it was on his mind. Thanks, sexy small Finnish man.
“Good.”
Smiling, Sauli lead them to a small coffee shop. Being so late they had privacy there. Sipping on coffee the two started to talk. Topics were
varied but there was never a lull in the conversation. Adam loved how Sauli always looked on the bright side of things. He had experienced so
much in his life and wanted to experience so much more. They had a lot in common, too. As the sun started to come up Adam felt like Cinderella. The dream was about to shatter as he would have to leave the other behind.
“I have to head back to the hotel.” Which he had no idea the direction of.
“I’ll walk with you.”
Thank God. “Thanks. It’s the Hilton.” Getting up Adam went to leave a tip when Sauli took the money and put it back in Adam’s hand.
“We don’t tip here.”
“Oh.” Doing up his coat the two walked outside. Adam felt his cheeks and nose pinked right away.
“When do you leave Finland?”
Don’t make me say it. “In the afternoon. The next show is in Sweden. The European tour is almost over.” And I had to meet you at the end of
it.
The walk was over before he even realized. There was a tug at his heart telling him to not let his man go. As they said their goodbyes and Sauli turned to leave Adam reached out to stop him.
“Wait.” Looking into Sauli’s blue eyes he could see their future. Reaching up with both hands to caress the man’s face, Adam leaned in and kissed him. It was a gentle kiss, one to say all the wanting things Adam wasn’t able to voice. As they parted Adam let his hands slip free and walked into the entrance of the hotel.
A knock woke him up.
“Lane says to get your lazy ass up. We will be heading to the airport soon.”
It was Monte. Keeping the blanket wrapped around him as much as he could, Adam answered the door. He hugged the other, engulfing him in blanket as well.
“So last night went well?”
Adam walked back into the room. Monte followed and closed the door, knowing the rest of this conversation needed to be in private.
“A little too well.”
“You got laid.”
“No. Actually, he said he wouldn’t sleep with me.”
“I like him already.”
“And I will never see him again.”
“You don’t know that. This world is crazy. If I remember correctly you also told me they would never accept you on Idol either.”
“America and Finland have this pesky ocean between them.”
“If it’s meant to be, it will find a way to happen.”
“You're right.”
Monte was the older brother he had always wanted. Not that anything was wrong with Neil but most of the time he felt like hitting Neil with
blunt objects. Being left alone to pack, Adam put his mind back at the tasks at hand. He had more tour dates to do. New songs he needed to write. There was also a photo shoot in Paris coming up that he was looking forward to. Things were good. Life was good.
Arriving in Sweden, Adam found the city completely different then he had Helsinki. Downtown was more built up. There was no way he could be sneaking out here. There was a small press conference that he dressed up for. Pictures were taken and questions answered. More of the usual.
Heading to the venue, he was a little late to sound check. Coming through the door, one of the security guys started to speak to him. But the English was so bad he could barely understand anything being said.
“I…I don’t get it.”
“He’s trying to ask you if it is okay to let me though.”
There behind the man was none other than Sauli. Adam felt that tight feeling in his chest again. His heart pounding so hard he knew both men could see it under his shirt. “Yes. He can come through.”
With the guard gone Adam was smiling so wide his face hurt. “I’m just about to do sound check. Would you be interested in watching?” Then they could do anything the Finn wanted. He just wanted to be around the other. Plus he made a mental note to ask him about Paris.
“I would like that.”
Sauli took a seat on an amp at the side of the stage as Adam joined the others. Monte approached and leaned in to talk.
“Friend of yours?”
“He’s the one from last night.”
“Came all this way to see you again. I think we have a winner.”
Tommy came closer as well, snooping in on the conversation. “Congrats baby boy. He’s perfect for you.”
“He is.” Adam took his place and glanced over at Sauli who waved at him. “He absolutely is.”
The End