Chapter Text
There’s a moment in the life of every adult when they realise that even though they are now allowed to vote, buy a house or start a family of their own, at heart they still are in need of their parents, that can comfort them like nobody else in the world. Warm, comforting embrace of a parent is exactly what they need when an adult life kicks them so hard that they find themselves longing for the simpler times of a childhood. And the familiar arms that used to hold them so many times in the past are a perfect substitute for a time machine.
As for the parents, they are holding their fully grown child, wondering if they could have done a better job at preparing them for the hardship that is life. After all, few decades ago they were the ones searching for a moment of forgetfulness. So shouldn’t they know better? Shouldn’t they be able to spare their children from the pain of life?
To this day no one has found the answer to that question, no one knows for sure if we can truly be ready or if we can live a happy life without any pain, sorrow and mistakes. But there is one thing that is certain, as long as your parents are around, they will always wait for you to come to them whenever you need one of those magical hugs and words of wisdom that as a teenager you didn’t want to hear.
It was a beautiful winter day when Blair Waldorf-Bass was about to learn how real this theory was. She was standing in the crowded room of the Waldorf Designs atelier, celebrating with her
co-workers the news that their show had been chosen by Duchess of Cambridge as the one she will attend during The London Fashion Week. She was beyond happy, a smile hasn’t left her face since she received the official phone call, it stayed there when she shared the news of the honour with her colleagues and now hours later it was still brightening up her face. Of course the success of a fashion line wasn’t the only reason behind the glow that seemed to be affecting all those around her. No, the roots of this grand joy came in the form of a small bump that she was currently gently caressing. She was 5 months pregnant with her and Chuck’s first baby. The baby boy, as she learned on her last visit, was growing inside her body and she couldn’t be happier. For the first time in her life everything seemed to be going her way, The Waldorf Designs was now on top of it’s game, she was married to the love of her life and their marriage was one to envy, on top of it all her relationship with her mother was the best in years.
She throughly enjoyed the happiness that nowadays seemed to be ever present in her life. She tried not to think about the reality that sometimes liked to remind humans of itself with a huge blow that knocks them off of their feet, making them fall into ground in the flood of tears and misery. Everyone would agree that Blair had enough tragedy in her life to make even the most optimistic person doubtful when it came to happiness in their own life.
That doubt and fear of things turning into dust was the reason of the following events of the day.
Because as she stood there chatting with her colleagues she suddenly felt something that took her breath away, blurred her vision and silenced the words of men and women around her. In that moment all she could hear was her unsteady breath and blood going through her veins. Not wanting anyone to notice the panic state she was in and not trusting her legs to hold her anymore she quickly made an excuse to her interlocutors and tried to leave the room without raising a suspicion.
Her sudden change of mood and abrupt escape would have gone unnoticed if it wasn’t for the watchful and understanding eyes of Eleanor Waldorf who without the moment of hesitation followed her daughter. Not knowing what to expect, she slowly opened the door of the room the young mother-to-be chose to hide in.
And there she was Eleanor’s biggest pride. The perfect example of beauty and grace, 24 year old woman that represented everything the society could want her to be. She was sitting by the window, clutching her stomach, taking deep breath as the tears filled her eyes. Upon hearing the footsteps she turned towards the entrance and looked at her mother with an expression full of fear and pain.
In that moment as she rushed to hold her daughter, the founder of the fashion house they stood in, was brought back to those moments years ago when Blair was still just a child that each and every time that something worthy of her tears happened to her would find the comfort in her mother’s arms. Many believed that Harold was the one she turned to when she scarped her knee or had terrible nightmare but the truth was, whether her daughter remembers it or not, Eleanor was the only one that could sooth pains and anxiety of her childhood years.
Adapting the practice she perfected all those years back Eleanor Waldorf-Rose held her daughter, rubbed her back and rocked her gently giving her time to tell her about the reason behind her current state.
“There is something wrong, something terribly wrong, I knew it was going too well”- the weak voice brought her back to reality and she pulled back to look at her daughter’s wetted by the tears face. Before she could have a chance to ask whatever did she mean, Blair continued- “The baby, the must be something wrong I don’t know what but it’s not normal. I can’t do this again mom. I can’t… not again”
As Blair’s worried stutter filled the room Eleanor notice her daughter’s hands on her belly and without thinking she covered them with her own-“It’s this weird flutter in my stomach and it came out of nowhere and I.. I can’t…”
The description of the feeling caused the elder woman to move her hands to different spot on the belly that held her grandchild and after few seconds the suspicion was confirmed making her worries disappear and causing her to chuckle. The reaction shocked her daughter enough to allow her to speak with a big smile and tears that this time were tears of happiness.
“Oh, darling, there’s nothing wrong, this is good, this is very good, perfect even”- as her daughter looked at her with a question she continued with a lowered voiced as her hands kept caressing Blair’s stomach-“That my dear is your baby kicking, that is your baby boy telling you he is perfectly alright and that he can’t wait to meet you”
“He is kicking? My baby is kicking? And he is alright?”
With each question the anxiety seemed to be slowly disappearing and was slowly being replaced by the happiness. Finally causing to women to fall into each others arms, hugging and laughing at the situation. They remained in the tight embrace until after few long moments of enjoying the closeness and the ability to share such a perfect and important moment Blair pulled back and looked at her mother. Her beautiful brown eyes that spoke more about her true feelings than her words ever could, now were full of relief but also of undeniable pain that made Eleanor realise that the fear was far more deeply rooted than her daughter experiencing the unknown feeling of her child kicking. Remembering her promise to never again ignore even the harshest and painful truth she said:
“Blair, my darling, I know we didn’t talk about what happened after the accident. I should have tried harder when you shut yourself but… I tried to be there but…”
“It’s not your fault mom. I couldn’t face any of you after everything. I tried to act strong but I knew that the moment any of you would see me all of it would be gone. Dan… he didn’t know me like you did so it was easier to pretend around him, he made it possible for me to pretend that it’s not what it really was. That’s why I declined your calls and refused to see you. I knew that you would try to convince me that the accident wasn’t my fault, that I wasn’t the one responsible for the death of my child”
Eleanor took a deep breath as the tears now were pouring down her face at the memory of her daughter being so terribly lost and hurt. All those months of her denying her own happiness, going down the path of messianic route as she isolated herself from the people that truly loved her. She remembered all of those unreturned phones calls, all those moments that her daughter refused to see her, shielding herself with that boy that didn’t come to conclusion that perhaps the best thing he could do was to tell her how much she is loved by people around her instead of trying to make himself seen as the only one who is there for her.
“The accident, it was horrible but it was an accident, you were not at fault there, no one was. You were the victim in this situation, your child was taken aways from you, love of your life was nearly taken away from you. Non of it was your fault, the pain and tragedy you experienced… I just…I wish I could have been there to tell you that every single second, each time you’ve ever let yourself believe that you somehow were responsible for it”
Heartfelt confession of her mother and the reassurances that her guilt was just her going through the pain weren’t the first she heard since the accident. People at the hospital told her that, her friends told her that, Chuck told her that every single time she discussed the darkest period of her life with him. But until that moment her husband was the only that heard the bigger truth between her break down after the accident. Until then she felt like those moments of vulnerability could only be shared with the man that understood her better anyone else, man that never judged her and stood by her through anything. That’s what she believed, however now as she looked at her mother, woman that raised her, that carried her for 9 months and as she looked down at the their joined hands that were covering the unborn member of their family she decided that time had come for her to say what she previously couldn’t.
“What if it was? What if the accident was God punishing me? Because until that moment in the car with Chuck when we begun to plan our future together I didn’t feel happy. I loved the baby but I… I couldn’t shake the feeling it represented everything I was about to lose, I didn’t want to be pregnant, not then, not with Louis, all this time I wished that I could have go back in time and… not get pregnant… I didn’t want to lose the baby but until Chuck and I figured out we could raise it together I just…didn’t want to be pregnant in the first place. And then in the hospital after they told me I’ve lost the baby… I…I”
The gravity of her words, the horrible tragedy that was behind it and the frightening feeling that so many mothers-to-be deal with and are not allowed to talk about out of the fear of being called the monster seemed to have made the world outside the room disappear. Eleanor listened to her daughter’s every pained word finally being able to get the confirmation of the suspicions that accompanied her since that dreadful day when she learned of the tragedy that had fallen upon her beloved child. Cherishing the rare moment of her daughter truly opening up, she decided not stop her but only encourage her by gently squeezing her hand and looking deeply into her eyes trying to communicate to her how she is there, ready to listen and comfort her. It was that look that made Blair finally say why her current pregnancy, despite being so strongly desired, was causing her to fear the worst outcome
“And now I’m pregnant again and the love and excitement I felt for my baby boy was so instant and so powerful, it feels like nothing I have ever felt before and I can’t shake the feeling that something will go terribly wrong. That all this happiness will turn into dust because I never felt like that before and maybe that’s why I don’t deserve to be happy because that lack of excitement during my previous pregnancy is the reason to punish me.”
Upon finishing her heartbreaking confession that she previously only shared with Chuck, Blair completely broke down, no longer being able to keep the anxiety from taking over her body. Without missing the beat she fell into her mother’s arms, allowing her tears to stain Eleanor’s shoulder. She didn’t have to wait long to once again feel the tight embrace that reminded her of childhood. The gentle rocking and the feeling of a hand rubbing her back brought comfort but it were the words spoken in the soft voice that truly eased her mind.
“The last thing God would do would be to punish someone as wonderful as you. Your baby is going to be perfect because you’re perfect. The things that happened to you were enough to break anybody and to make anybody afraid but you survived, you healed and continued to live. All the tragedies that happen to you are in the past and now you have the whole road of happiness ahead of you, happiness that you fully deserve”-Eleanor spoke without releasing her daughter from her arms-“And the last thing you should feel is guilt over loving your child. Just because last time you did feel as excited doesn’t mean your love and affection were any different, oh my darling the things you were going through around that time were so overwhelming that it was perfectly normal for you to have doubts. That doesn’t mean you have done anything wrong, and the pain and sorrow that you are feeling are showing it perfectly, they show that you loved your baby”
“That’s what Chuck always says”- tears still could very clearly be heard in Blair’s voice but it now had a bit more confidence, Eleanor’s words combined with her husband’s previous reassurances seemed to be working on making her see that she did indeed deserve to be happy.
“Well my son-in-law tends to be right from time to time, after all he was wise enough to marry you”
Women laughed through tears as they pulled back, still tightly holding hands they looked at each other only to burst into laughter once again this time at how unWaldorf like they looked with their running make up and red puffy eyes. As their giggles combined with unladylike sounds caused by tears filled the room they tried to collect themselves. In that moment the lightness seemed to be slowly replacing the atmosphere of grief that that had been present in that room ever since Blair chose it as her hiding spot.
“Oh darling, your baby boy is going to be so loved by so many. He is going to be the most wonderful child in the world and you’re going to be the most wonderful mother in the world”
“You really think so?”- Blair asked hopefully, despite what Chuck kept telling her she still was afraid of making mistakes.
“How could you not be when you’re such a wonderful woman? Blair you love so deeply and so truly and that’s exactly what a child needs. To have someone that will be there for them”-Eleanor took a deep breath and decided to share the decision that she had made the moment she learned that Blair and Chuck were about to give her first grandchild-“And I hope to be there as well, to be the best grandmother I can. Darling, some time ago Cyrus and I decided to we will be moving back to New York permanently”
Blair looked at her mother, desperately trying not show how happy she was with the news. She didn’t want to admit it out loud by she truly missed having her mom by her side and that the thought of her child growing up with his maternal grandparents living across the ocean deeply saddened her.
“But…You love Paris, this is where you life is, you said you wanted to leave Manhattan behind?”
“No, sweetheart my life is here with you and it always had been. I was trying to run away from everything that New York represented, all those moment I put my company ahead of you, all those moments I failed to see what was truly happening to you, when my blindness allowed for all those terrible things to happen to you. When you struggled with bulimia, your problems in school, your heartaches I should have been there each and every time. I knew that Louis was all wrong for you and yet I didn’t try to intervene until it was too late.”
“You had right to build your career, to have a life outside of me”- Blair said trying to look away once again falling into her own trap of regressing her position, not believing how important she can be to people that love her. However this time Eleanor didn’t allow her to do that, she tipped her daughter’s chin making her keep an eye contact as she kept her voice firm but soothing.
“No, I should have been there, I should have been watching, you should have always been my priority, I failed you so many times in the past but after I saw the way you close yourself up after accident, I knew it was my fault, and I promised myself to never do the same mistakes again. My only hope that it’s not too late and that you can forgive me”
Her mother’s words that she wanted to hear so many times before now moved her. When she was younger she used to pretend she didn’t care that the her mother considering her to be the second best, that it was something she had to get used to but now as she listened to her mother’s heartbreaking confession she realised that non of it was true. The truth was that the elder woman that now was looking at her with guilt and love was far more like her than she ever noticed. Her harsh behaviour was the result of the years of suppressing her feelings to hide the pain and rejection she had experienced in her own life. Eleanor similarly to her preferred not see things that could hurt her, that would make her think about the emotional anguish that came in form of her own parents never caring enough about her feelings, her husband lies about his own sexuality and the abandonment that followed in the cloud of a scandal, the rejection of socjety based on her gender that made her work a constant battle. The act of denial and pretence was the major constant in the lives of Waldorf’s women and yet when Blair had suffered the greatest tragedy Eleanor was ready to give it all up just to be with her. Only to see that her beloved child had already adapted her lessons about the benefits of refusing to face the reality.
Upon seeing all the similarities she knew perfectly what she was supposed to say, after all she had conversations about the guilt of the past with Chuck so many times before. They have spent hours lounging in the bed and discussing in the hushed voices all the mistakes they had done and how now they are on the new route that shall only have happiness, trust and love. Their conversation very full of reassurances that while their mistakes were full of grief their future wouldn’t hold any of it ever again. And later they would confirm their words with moments of expressing love in more physical and literal way. Realising that she was slowly beginning to lose herself in the memory of their moments of passion and love Blair blushed slightly and quickly returned her attention to the conversation not wanting to think about her husband’s way of making her feel loved. With a slight smile and tears that were slowly drying Blair said.
“We all make mistakes mom, the idea that we see them and understand them is a reason why we can change and move on. Chuck and I know it better than anyone else”
“You are too young to be so smart”-Eleanor said with a chuckle and then carried on with a smile-“Are you and Chuck happy?”
“We are happier than anyone could ever imagine. Definitely more than I could ever imagine. He is the love of my life and with him I feel like the most powerful and the most loved woman in the world. I’ve spent my whole life believing that fairytales are the one’s to be desired but with Chuck I’ve realised that reality of being married to someone you love so much and who loves you as strongly is far better than anyone could ever put down in words”
“Oh darling I’m so happy for you. To see a child happy is the best thing a parent could ever desire, you shall see it soon. Uhh I just can imagine the happiness that your baby boy will feel every single day of his life. Although I must admit with all of us surrounding him with love he will probably the most spoiled boy in the whole Manhattan”
“With you and Chuck by his side I dare to say in the whole world, you should have seen him nowadays.All does he read now are the books about parenting and child development, almost every single day he returns with a new idea for the name, the nursery or something like that. I swear to you by the end of this pregnancy he will have a shot at becoming OB-GYN”
The two women laughed at the statement, the sadness long forgotten. They were laughing and hugging as if they were some young school girls. The joy and glow that surrounded the room was almost epical. It was as if every tragedy was suddenly forgotten and all that mattered was the bright future that was ahead of them. Both women were imaging all the moments of happiness that were to follow, picturing the beautiful boy that they would take ice skating, that they would teach their “Girls just wanna have fun” choreography, they would watch his school plays, hang his paintings all over their homes and most importantly they would give him love and safety that they both understood but unfortunately never truly received. Yes, the baby boy will be the most loved child on Earth and he will never feel as if was second best to anyone or anything. Ever single day and every single minuet of his life will be full of that love.
.
.
After the long day, full of emotions and turns Blair Waldorf-Bass returned to her Neo Italian Renaissance-style townhouse previously owned by Charles S. Guggenheimer himself. Upon entering the beautifully decorated entry foyer she hanged her coat in the closet and passing the painting by Joan Mitchell she made her way to find Chuck. Her search didn’t take a long as she had found him in the library. There he was, her husband, man that she married over a year ago in the ceremony that was so perfectly them that even if they were to plan it they would be unable to achieve the same result.
The father of her child was sitting on the couch, so engrossed in his reading, parenting book she noted with a smile, that he failed to notice her arrival. A far cry from the boy that she once in her state of misery and pain dared to accuse of fatherhood not being the part of his lifestyle. That statement spoken so long ago was nothing but a lie, a result of her desire to hurt him as much as she had been hurting around that time. Even then she knew it was lie, after all when they were stil together they had discussed their future many times before. Chuck was the only one that knew about her dream of a big family, in front of everybody else she pretended that she wouldn’t want more than two kids just as the society would expect. But with him she was able to express her true heart’s desire of having house full of children that will know they are loved and supported and will never have to feel alone as she and Chuck did growing up. It was a dream they shared and now they were one step in to make it come true- she thought with a smile as her hand made way to her stomach where her baby boy was laying peacefully.
Wanting nothing more than to share their baby’s newest development and to have Chuck wrap his arms around her as they once again allowed themselves on the path of dreams about the future days, she made her presence known by saying.
“There was a time when I was the only that could keep your interest for so long”
Chuck looked up and as soon as he realised it was his wife that had returned home, his face brightened up with the pure joy that could only be achieved by seeing her again. Quickly matching up her wit, he said with a smile
“Well if come closer I’ll show you just how much I’m interested in you…in all of you”
As Blair walked up to him he rose up from his seat, the book long forgotten, all that matter were her lips that soon met his own in the passionate but at the same time sweet kiss. In that short moment of affection they as always tried to say everything: how much they love each other, how happy they make each other and how much they support each other. As they parted the love was still hanging in the air as it was always the case when they were in the room together. Their eyes were locked on each others, Blair’s arms still around Chuck’s neck as his arms were wrapped around her waist pulling her as close to him as humanly possible, smiling at each other they simply appreciated being in the other’s company.
“Now, you must tell me how does it feel to be officially appointed by the British royal court?”- Chuck asked in mockingly British accent as her lead them to rest on the couch, not wanting Blair to stand for too long.
Smiling at the overprotectiveness she had grown used to since the she told him about the pregnancy, she held his hands and answered.
“Well it is definitely an incredible honour but it is was far from being the highlight of my day”-when his reaction was the look of question, she moved their hands so now they were resting on her stomach and carried on with her joyous news-“I felt the baby kick today”
“He kicked?”- Chuck asked with a shaky voice full of emotions.
“Yes, our baby is kicking now”
Chucked laughed as his eyes shined with tears and he pulled her into breathtaking kiss moving his hand to rest on the back of her head. Their lips moved in a union that perfectly represented the union that was their love and marriage.
“How…how do you feel? Are you alright? I mean… didn’t it?”- Chuck tried asking millions of questions at once.
“I’m beyond perfect, our boy is is kicking and is surround by people who love him I’m the happiest I could ever be.”-Blair answered using her hand to smooth away the wrinkles of worry that appeared on his face-“I actually even have more news if you can believe that”
“More than the royal verdict and our child’s movement? Were you gone for few hours or few days?”
Laughing at his questions Blair shared with her husband the details of her conversation with Eleanor. Telling him all about the fear she first felt, her mother’s reassurances and own feeling of guilt, finally ending with the news of her moving back to New York to be a part of her grandchild’s life.
“And what do you think about having Eleanor constantly around?”-Chuck asked, despite knowing perfectly well what her answer will be
“Not that I will admit it to anyone except for you, but when she told it made me see how much I wanted to hear her say that. Before that I didn’t allow myself to dream about it but now it’s all I can think about, our baby having loving supporting family”
“He will definitely have that, all of our children will grow up almost getting sick of how close the family will be and they will be the luckiest children in the world, especially since they will have you as their mother”
“And you as their father”
Their smiles grew even bigger at the reference to the plural number of children in the future. With a quick kiss Blair thanked her husband for being so wonderful and for knowing her so well. Feeling completely relaxed she pulled her legs up and rested them on Chuck’s lap who without missing a beat started massaging her tired feet. They sat there, once again talking about the future of their children, their possible names, whether the bow ties or scarfs will become their signature, which grandparent will spoil them the most.
Chuck and Blair were on the start of their newest path and yet they felt calm and content, knowing that their love and trust can overcome everything. Their past was full of ups and downs but all of it had been discussed and fixed by them and their love. And now all that was ahead were decades of happiness and family warmth. They used to be Chuck and Blair, Blair and Chuck but now they were slowly starting to add new names to that famed sentence.
Life was now perfect and it was only going to get better.