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Sam, standing in front of Lisa Braeden's house, stared through the window with an unreadable expression. If Castiel tried a little harder and with all his knowledge, he could have said 'confused'.
Sam narrowed his eyes and the angel decided to look through the window as well. Lisa and Ben on either side of the table, and Dean in the center, drinking alcohol, as expected – although Castiel had a feeling he would have a bottle in hand, rather than a glass, if it weren't for the Braedens.
A couple of minutes later, Sam turned around and, unknowingly bypassing Castiel, started walking to who knows where.
Castiel remained fixed in the spot.
Something had gone wrong.
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Sam didn't eat, drink, or sleep as much as before, as much as he should.
Dean, still in pain, tried to move on with his new life.
Heaven was upside down.
Raphael wanted the Apocalypse. He wanted to get Lucifer and Michael l out of the Cage, for them to fight, raze and destroy the battlefield that would be the Earth. He wanted it and no matter what; but Castiel couldn't spoil his new destiny anymore.
So, thinking that he had no other choice and nothing to lose, he allied with Crowley to open Purgatory.
He knew he shouldn't, that it was dangerous, but...he needed to stop Raphael.
For the Earth. And for his siblings.
(Stop Raphael, stop Raphael, stop the Apocalypse)
For Bobby Singer.
For Dean.
(Backseat, laughter, Apocalypse, green eyes, orange suns)
(Knitted sweater, alley, window, Cage)
'Castiel'.
For Sam.
'I could use a little help ...'
Oh, and how bad Castiel wanted to go. How he wanted to reach out his arm and let Sam hold onto him. But he couldn't, he could not allow anything else to go wrong.
(Light, yellow, stop Rafael, demon blood, iron bars, souls)
Castiel realized, then, that he was afraid.
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'Castiel, um...I'm back. So, if you got a minute...'
Sam left the sentence hanging in the air, opened his eyes and looked around the room. He sighed again and lowered his head–as if he didn't expect him to come– before raising it, and meeting him.
Castiel, still in front of the table, saw how Sam got up slowly. This time he perfectly recognized the surprise and relief on his face.
"Cas."
(Sam was alive. Sam was fine. Sam had prayed to him)
(Sam wanted to see him)
Castiel firmly believed in that moment, that if both his Jimmy Novak appearance and himself were flesh and blood, he would feel like breathing normally again, and his heart would beat warmly and strongly.
"Sam ... it's so good to see you alive."
"Yeah...you, too."
Sam gave him a smile. Small, but only his, and suddenly Castiel wanted to hug him, like Bobby had done that night in the alley. So he stiffly spread his arms, taking a couple of steps forward.
But Sam sat down and lowered his head.
Castiel froze. He should have known.
"Look, I would hug you, but ..."
"That would be akward," he completed. Of course. He wasn't Bobby, or Dean. He was just the angel who once called him an abomination, 'The boy with the demon blood'; the one that three times had the opportunity to take his hand, and three times had failed; who was guided by what Heaven so wrongly professed about him.
"So, um... crazy year, huh? I, I just talked to Bobby. He, he told me everything that happened." Sam said after a while, glancing at him.
"Frankly, I'm surprised that you survived. I was begging Dean not to do it," he offered honestly. Not only was Sam alive, but he didn't seem to be going crazy at all from the memories.
"Yeah. No, I, I understand that."
"You know, it's a miracle that it didn't kill you."
"Yeah. Yeah, it's a miracle alright."
“So, how does it feel?” He asked with genuine curiosity.
"What?"
"Well, to have your soul back, of course."
All color left Sam's face completely, as he swallowed hard.
"Right. You mean 'cause I was walking around with no soul. Uh...Really good, Cas. I'm real good." His voice became soft and breathy. "You know what? I'm, I'm just hazy on a few of the details, though. Um... You think maybe you could...walk me through?"
And so he did, witnessing with wonder how Sam's eyes were bright and watery, and his complexion ten shades paler.
Castiel realized then, feeling the room colder and darker, that he didn't care if it would be akward. He just wanted to hug Sam.
However, he only allowed himself to watch from a considerable distance how the human he had wanted to turn into the Sun faded, and then took off.
Castiel did not belong with this star.
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(... real doctor, Dean ...)
(... soul is in place ...)
(...it's a miracle alright...)
(...had something to do with ...?...)
(...around with no soul...)
(...as if it had been skinned alive...!...)
(...Cas is alive?!...)
(...Cas ...?...)