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She shivers and huddles under the meager pile of blankets and furs, but a small part of her mind supplies the fact that she has all of the coverings within their combined possessions. Snow White is sleeping with only her cloak as covering. Yes, they have a fire, but the nights have been growing colder. Winter is coming, and it won't be gentle this year, not if the throbbing behind her left eye is any indication. Snow can't be prepared for this. She's not fit to survive the harsh season that's coming.
The thought no more than forms and she feels a strange tightness and fizzing sensation in chest and gut both. She's supposed to hate this wretched woman-child for ruining her life, want her dead. She has had perfect opportunities to find Snow in an unguarded moment and kill her while under this glamour spell …but hasn't. She'd like to blame the infection, but that's not all of it.
"Hey," comes that surprisingly soft voice that still startles her, pulling her from thoughts that terrify her in their intensity and complexity. "You should be sleeping, Wilma."
"Are you warm enough, Snow White?"
The confusion is writ plain on Snow's face at her non sequitur, but she ignores the amusement to focus on the relief easing the tightness in her chest. She can see the flicker of acceptance and affection in those hazel eyes before it's blinked away and replaced by concern. "Don't you worry about me. I'll be just fine. You need only concern yourself with getting better and fighting this infection." She offers a warm smile that Regina notes doesn't reach her eyes.
"What's wrong?" The words are out of her mouth before the thought fully registers.
Snow just shakes her head and shifts aside the pile of blankets and furs to check on her wound. Even without a fever, she can feel the blush darkening her cheeks at the easy intimacy Snow has with this virtual stranger she's allowed into her life. She hisses in pain as Snow's icy fingers remove the poultice and gently prod at the wound, but the chill is an oddly blessed relief, too.
"No more seepage," comes Snow's muffled voice, her breath puffing across Regina's exposed skin. The sensation sends shivers down her spine to pool hotly low in her belly. "That's good. It means your body is finally winning the fight with the infection. Now we just need to make sure you don't overstress yourself or get too chilled, and you'll be good as new with a scar and a story to tell." She lightly smooths her fingers over the wound before pressing another poultice and more moss over it. Regina wishes she could watch as the younger woman deftly wraps the bandages around the whole thing again, pleased once again to know that Snow retained some of her healing knowledge. "You know, Wilma, you don't need to worry about me. I'm doing just fine out here on my own. The Queen has no need to fear or come after me. I wish we could go back to the way we were in the beginning, but grief and anger can change a person in ways they never expect, and she's had more than her fair share of both over the years."
Regina frowns at that. What is she talking about? Snow has no idea what kind of grief or anger she's had to deal with over the years. She has no idea about Daniel, will never know about Daniel or what she took away that fateful day with her inability to do as she was told. Her hand twitches under the covers with the need to form a fireball to incinerate this pampered brat who took away her happiness and her freedom, but the glamour spell negates her own magic and she's far too weak still to properly fight anyone or anything. Frustrated tears burn in her eyes, but she refuses to let them fall. Her body shudders against a sudden bout of pain, but it doesn't come from her leg. No, it's radiating out from her chest, from the overburdened heart pounding and threatening to leap out to expose itself to this woman who has done nothing but offer kindness and assistance since they met in the woods. "How can you care about her when she wants you dead?" She hates how pathetic she sounds right now.
"Because I still believe the woman who saved me from that runaway horse is inside her, buried deep somewhere and wanting to come out again. All through our years together in the castle, I saw glimpses of her, never for very long, but I treasured every single one of them and kept them like precious gifts to be taken out when I need something to lift my spirits. Even when I was faced with the reality that her Huntsman was supposed to kill me, I remembered the woman who comforted me and encouraged me to get back on that horse again, to face my fears bravely in order to conquer them. She and my mother have been my greatest influences, and I will do my very best to honor them both in how I live and behave toward others, even if they're no longer in my life. She may never hear me say it, or want to, but I love Regina, always have and always will."
Those words send lances of pain and hope straight into Regina's heart, and she curls into herself as tears slip down her cheeks. "H-How? E-Everyone knows how much she hates you." Her own traitorous minds sibilantly whispers But only you know of the kernel of love that still burns deep in your heart for the girl you saved all those years ago.
"Love and hate are formed from the same place," Snow says calmly, pulling the blankets up over her huddled form. "There are days I hate her, too, and wish she'd never come into our lives. It would mean my father still lived and I could still be in the castle, preparing for my royal marriage and eventually coronation. But it would also mean that I would have missed out on meeting her and her father, on learning so many things about life and the world around me and myself." She settles the cloth on Regina's forehead again, fingers gently stroking through her hair. "When her Huntsman first led me out into the woods and left me here, I was terrified. I thought I was going to die within days. I had no idea how to live by my wits."
The pain in her chest still aches, makes breathing difficult, but she forces herself to pay attention to Snow's story. She needs to know, no matter how painful it is to hear. Taking a deep breath, she lets it out slowly before asking, "How did you survive?"
"For the first day or so, I had the food that the Huntsman left me, and a small pouch of gold and jewelry that I found sewn in the lining of my cloak. I'm not sure how it came to be there, but it enabled me to purchase food, supplies, and proper clothing in a village that didn't recognize me." She chuckles softly. "In their defense, by the time I reached that village, I was a frightful mess. I'd been sleeping wherever I could, and fell in more mud and puddles than you can count. My feet were blistered and bruised, as were my hands, and my hair was a snarled mess. I almost had them cut it off completely." At Regina's gasp of shock, for she had always found Snow's hair to be beautiful in its own right, Snow just pats her leg. "Oh, don't you worry, dear Wilma, I was able to obtain supplies to clean up and be more presentable. They recognized me immediately then, but were sworn to secrecy about my identity and whereabouts."
"So they were the ones who taught you to survive in the woods?"
"Some, yes. But much of what I learned came from Regina and her father. They thought I wasn't listening when they'd tell me their stories or when we went on our walks in the woods around the castle, but I drank up every word like a parched man in the desert being hit with a sudden rainfall in a hidden oasis. It took a little time, but it all came back to me, and I could begin to recognize what plants were edible or medicinal and what ones were best to be avoided at all costs. I remembered Henry's stories of how to build snares for smaller animals, and my father had allowed me to learn archery with the squires, so I bought a bow and arrows when I got my supplies."
"So you survived out here on your own because of the woman who wants you dead?" Regina can't hide the awe and pride in her tone.
"Yes, I did," she replies with a soft smile. "And I'd give anything to be able to thank her for all that she taught me. Even if she still wanted me dead afterward and never wanted to see me again, I wish I could have one more moment of happiness and love with her."
"Why?" The question is out before Regina can stop herself. "Wouldn't you be worried that she'd use the opportunity to kill you?"
"If I could have the chance to thank her and tell her to her face that I loved her and appreciated everything she's done for me, intentionally or otherwise, I would be okay if I had to die to do it. I've had a lot of time alone out here to think and to reminisce over the years we lived together. Perhaps I saw things incorrectly, remembered things incorrectly because I was a child, but I thought she was happy with us, with me. Knowing she hates me and wants me dead has been a sobering thing to come to terms with, but I know I hurt her very deeply in my childish wish to make things better for her. All I ever wanted was for her to be as happy and loved as she made me feel after the incident with that horse. Instead I made her life worse, took away her happiness and her freedom. For what I did, I deserve my just punishment. If the gods feel that is death, then I meet it with an open heart and an open mind. But I would like to think that perhaps we can find peace between us instead of animosity and death."
"Oh…" Once again, Regina is stunned by the pride she feels for Snow's words, for her maturity. This is not the flighty, spoiled rotten brat that caused Daniel's death. This woman before her would make a brilliant queen and leader. "You really have changed, haven't you, Snow?"
"Yes, I have," comes the quiet response. "And I owe it all to you, Regina."
That one word, her name, chills the blood in Regina's veins. Her eyes widen as she stares at the younger woman, a mien of knowing serenity on her face. There is no recrimination or anger in those hazel eyes that gaze back at her openly, only hope, love, and perhaps a little fear that she's overplayed her hand.
"What? M-My name is Wil--"
"No, it's not, and we both know it." She cuts Regina off so smoothly and so gently, it sends another lance of pain through her heart at just how much Snow has grown up out here in the woods in exile. "Why don't you drop this act and this mask and just talk to me?"
"I don't know what you're talking about." She can't meet Snow's gaze any longer, fear racing through her at the thought that Snow can so easily end her life here and now. She is still far too weak to fight back and she has no magic while this glamour is upon her, and only the imp can remove it. She doesn't know what to do right now, can't imagine taking the proposal of open honesty that Snow has offered because of just how vulnerable it will make her.
"I think you do, and it's okay to be afraid, Regina. You taught me that, you know, how fear can be a good motivator to confronting those same fears to become a better, stronger person. I'm right here, I'm not going anywhere, and I'm more than willing to listen without judgment, no matter what you have to say. And if, after you've said your peace and let me offer my own rebuttal to your accusations, you still feel I should die for what I've done, then I will hand you the dagger to do the deed right here. I won't fight you anymore, Regina. I never wanted to fight you. All I wanted was your friendship, your support, and your love." She pauses then, a brief look of grief marring the serenity. "And your forgiveness. I know I'll probably never get that last one, but I cling to the hope that we can find some sort of peace between us. I miss you, Regina. I don't miss the castle or the servants or the pretty clothes and baubles. I thought I would, and in the beginning I cried over losing those material things because I thought they were what was important. But I realized that things can be replaced. People can't. Experiences can't. Connections can't. You have made an indelible mark on my life, on my heart and soul, Regina, and I miss being near you. If I could do it all over again…"
When she doesn't answer, Regina hazards a glance at her, startled to see the younger woman openly weeping. She doesn't hide her face or her emotions, lets Regina see the raw pain and anguish and need in her eyes. It steals Regina's breath away, and she's transported back to that night in the moonlight, explaining True Love's powerful magic to a childishly grief-stricken girl who came upon the secret assignation between her and her beloved Daniel. Remembers feeling such a deep need to protect and nurture this girl who had already felt so much loss and devastation from her own mother's illness and death. Remembers the instant spark of connection that day in the meadow when she pulled a terrified girl off the back of a runaway mare who'd clearly been spooked by something. Remembers the intense desire to show this girl that life still had wonders and joys they could discover together.
Without realizing it, she reaches out to take one of Snow's hands, tugs her down into an awkward embrace. A part of her screams that this is wrong, so very wrong, that she is turning soft and should be killing this brat while she has the chance. But she can't, she'll never be able to do that, and she knows it. She loves Snow White too much to be able to fulfill her darkest fantasies of vengeance for Daniel's death, for the death of her freedom. The girl who never wanted to be queen took to it far too easily, blackening her heart every bit as darkly as her mother and her mentor in the process, and she's hated that she let it get this far. Leopold is dead and can never hurt her again. She knows Daniel wouldn't want her to carry this hatred in her heart, not toward that little girl who only tried to help.
"This can't continue," she finally whispers brokenly. "But I don't know how to fix it."
For long minutes, the only sounds in their makeshift tent are the crackling of the fire and their harsh, tearful breathing. "Do you want to fix it?" Snow finally whispers, sound just as broken as Regina feels.
"I don't know if we can."
Snow shifts slightly to rest up on an elbow, glancing down at her. Such sorrow and love warring in her eyes makes Regina's stomach clench in discomfort for making her so upset. "I didn't ask if we can fix it, I asked if you want to. I know I want to, so if you also want to, then we work together to do so."
Regina lets out a bitter bark of laughter that morphs into a coughing jag to leave her gasping for air when it finishes. Her lungs burn every bit as much as her eyes do, but she struggles to get the words out. "How do we do that?"
"We can start by you telling me the truth about Daniel and why you wish me dead."
Grief overwhelms her at the thought of bringing up that story again, of sharing with this woman exactly what happened. Only her parents, the imp, and Mal know the truth. The latter two only know because it was a condition of taking her on as a student in all things magic. The sudden sound of Daniel's sweet voice in her head saying Let go of the pain and anger, Regina, and let your heart heal brings on another spate of tears. Snow pulls her into the embrace this time, gently rubbing her back as the words tumble out of her mouth, unbidden and as painful as the night they happened. Try as she might to stem the flow, they keep coming until she is more exhausted, emotionally and physically, than she felt the night it happened. And still the tears continue to fall, her heart breaking all over again as she admits to the lie she told that ten-year-old girl to cover her own grief and sow the seeds of hatred and vengeance against the wrong person.
The sensation of something warm and wet landing on her cheek pulls her from her own self-recriminating grief spiral to look up at Snow. The younger woman's face is crumpled in a state of grief that she feels in her heart must match her own. Snow knows the loss of a loved one. And then, before she can stop herself from the words that will seal her own death, Regina begins to confess to her part in Leopold's death and what led to it. She hates that she is doing this, that she is causing this poor girl more pain and suffering, that she is giving her a reason to continue the cycle of hatred and vengeance between them, but she meant it when she said it could no longer continue. She cannot continue to exist like this. It's been slowly killing her from the moment her mother murdered Daniel in front of her eyes. She leaves nothing out, only blunting the worst of some of Leopold's abuses for Snow's sake, but makes sure that the younger woman knows everything that led to his death, everything that she missed in her childlike innocence and exuberance. By the time she finishes speaking, she's hoarse and wheezing for breath, body quaking in Snow's grip from emotions and adrenaline, and she feels numb all over.
"Shh," Snow whispers, still stroking her back and hair as they lay there. "It's okay, Regina. You're okay. He's gone now and can never hurt you again." She swallows audibly and sniffles. "I'm so sorry for what he did to you. That monster was not the man I knew as my father, but I've come to realize that the man I thought I knew as my father perhaps was just another mask he wore. I'm sure he loved me, but that doesn't excuse what he did to you or what he apparently considered doing to me, if your recollections of his wedding plans for me are true."
"N-Not lying." She can barely get the words out past her aching throat, and it sets off another coughing jag.
"Shh. Just try to relax now. Your leg wound is still healing. If you move around too much, it'll tear open again, and we can't afford a worse infection than you already have."
"S-Sorry."
Snow feels warm, and she snuggles closer with a soft whimper as she shivers again. There are not enough blankets for both of them. They're going to freeze to death tonight. Her eyelids flutter shut, exhaustion tugging at her until she's ready to surrender to Death itself to a reprieve from all of this pain. Snow's gentle touch is soothing and gives her the first feeling of solace and safety since Daniel was alive. Well, that time she spent in the Forbidden Fortress felt pretty safe, too, but she knew she couldn't stay there forever, Leopold would never allow it. And now, she knows she can't stay here forever either, but she can't leave until her wound is healed enough to stave off further infection. A shift in Snow's position brings her back to what the younger woman is saying.
"--so sorry that he hurt you like he did. If I'd known what he would be like, I'd have never told him about you in the first place, and he'd have never proposed to you, and Daniel would still be alive. I'm so sorry, Regina, this really is all my fault because I was a stupid, idealist, lonely little girl who fell in love at first sight with her savior. Can you ever forgive me?"
"Nothing to forgive. You didn't kill anyone, Snow, I did. And not just your father."
"You were…" When Snow pauses, Regina tenses, waiting for the recriminations to come over all of the innocent lives lost in her vendetta. "You lashed out like a wounded animal that's been cornered. I'm not excusing the extent of the damage, you'll need to make reparations, but I understand the underlying reason. If you're serious about fixing things between us, that also means that you own up to your actions to the kingdom and make proper reparations. It won't be easy, Regina, but our people are good people. If you're sincere, they'll see that and take it into account. Are you willing to put in the work and have certain aspects of your life become public?"
"They still love Leopold. Once they learn I had him killed, they won't forgive me."
Snow lets out a soft, raspy laugh. "I've actually learned that they loved him less than you'd expect. You'd be surprised just how much they might forgive you. But I need you to answer me honestly, Regina."
"I can't continue to live like this, Snow. It's slowly killing me. I'll do whatever it takes, I swear it."
"That's all I ask. And I promise to do the same."
Regina feels the shift in position just before she feels the touch of Snow's lips against her forehead. The relief she feels at that benediction is overwhelming, but it's the pulse of magic that immediately follows that startles her. Opening her eyes, she can see the rippling waves of golden tinged rainbow magic wending their way out from the two of them, and then she realizes that the glamour spell is gone. She is herself once more, but still wears the clothes of Wilma the peasant.
"Snow?"
"Do you see it, too?"
"Yes, I do. And do you see me or Wilma?"
"I see you, Regina, and I am grateful for it. After all, you were the one who taught me that True Love is the most powerful magic of all, capable of breaking any curse."
For the first time since this whole ordeal started, Regina feels a genuine smile curling up her lips. "And now you've taught me that it can survive any perceived hatred. Thank you, Snow, for believing in me even when I couldn't believe in myself."
"And thank you, Regina, for having the courage to be honest with me so we can try again. I do love you, you know."
"I know. Despite everything else, I still love you, too, Snow."