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Julian loves him so much that sometimes it feels like he can’t even breathe.
He watches from his seat on the couch as Logan pokes a sleeping Sneakers on the head with the feathery toy the cat is so fond of. Sneakers, ever the drama queen—they do not get it from Julian, no matter what Logan likes to believe—just bats at it and turns around to face away from Logan, curling back up into a ball on the carpet. Logan rolls his eyes.
“Come on, Sneaks, you can’t still be mad that I let Sonic have a treat instead of you. You just ate an hour ago.”
The cat doesn’t move or acknowledge Logan’s statement. Logan frowns. “Spoiled brat.”
Julian laughs and reaches over to playfully tug at the toy. “Leave them alone, Logan. They'll come around.” Logan sighs and gets up from the floor, brushing off the wrinkles from his clothes. “I really shouldn’t be surprised that they act this way, they are your cat, after all.” Julian looks up at him, unimpressed. “You keep saying that, but Sneakers only became this dramatic after I came back and they met you.”
Julian fully expects Logan to snark back, like they always do, but he surprises Julian by staring at him with a serious expression, an earnest look in his eyes. He’s about to ask him what’s wrong when he realizes that oh.
“...I came back…”
Of course.
Logan drops down next to him on the couch and proceeds to tickle him with the feather toy. “Logan!” He shrieks, half-indignant, half-amused. He moves as far away from the other boy as the couch allows, slapping the cat toy out of Logan’s hand and onto the floor. Logan has a wide grin on his face, but his eyes still have that sincere look in them.
“I’m glad you came back, Jules.”
Julian smiles back. He loves him so much.
“So am I.”
He loves Logan so much, but he can’t say it.
Julian’s so grateful that Logan seems to understand. They haven’t talked about it, they haven’t even acknowledged it, really, but Logan doesn’t ask him why he won’t say ‘I love you’ out loud.
Of course, he wants to tell Logan how he feels. He’s spent so long keeping it to himself that now that it’s out in the open, now that Logan knows everything and the lies and secrets and misunderstandings are behind them, he wants to scream it from the rooftops for the whole world to hear. But every time his overwhelming affection for Logan swells in his chest and urges him to speak, all he can think of is fire and smoke and gut-wrenching fear. So he can’t say it. Not yet, at least. He has to work up to it, gradually, at a glacial pace. He doesn’t like it, he wants to tell Logan now, to reassure him, but it’s just too difficult for him to force the words out.
“Logan,” Julian calls from the doorway, making the other boy look up from his homework, “Derek and I are going out for dinner. You coming?”
Logan hesitates. “I wanted to finish my essay for English…” Logan trails off, eyeing the look on Julian’s face.
Julian glares. It’s usually him who needs convincing to take a break, but Logan’s been absorbed in his schoolwork for hours and Julian doesn’t think he’s even had coffee the entire time. “Dinner. Now. Or else.”
Logan’s lips twitch like he wants to smile, but he values his life and thinks better of it. He gets up and leans over to grab his keys and jacket. “Okay, honey.”
A rush of warmth and pure joy floods Julian at the endearment. It’s new, Logan’s only been calling him that for about a week, and it melts him into a puddle every single time. Julian can feel that his cheeks are heating up, but he schools his expression into a stern one and he doesn’t let up until they’re walking down the hall towards the stairs. “You really should remember to eat, you know, Derek and I aren’t always going to be here to check on you.”
Logan turns to smile at him, eyes brimming with fondness. He doesn’t say anything, just holds Julian’s gaze for a moment before descending the stairs, his expression turning watchful as he notices Austin and the other freshmen having some kind of debate down in the common room.
But it’s enough for Julian to understand, for him to be left breathless with the realization. As silent as Julian’s ‘I love you’s have been these last few years, Logan can hear them now.
Logan hears him loud and clear. He can see it in the way Logan smiles when Julian asks him if he wants to go grab a cup of coffee, in the way his eyes light up when Julian does something as simple as hold his hand.
And Logan echos his voiceless words. He can hear it in the rustling of the blankets Logan drapes around his shoulders, in the scratching of pen on paper on days when Julian still has trouble taking down notes in class.
Logan hasn’t said it out loud, but Julian can hear him, loud and clear.
“Logan, look!”
Julian holds up the box of tarts he bought at the coffee shop he’d waited for his flight in. Logan takes them from him carefully. Julian beams. “I saw them and I knew I had to get you a box. There are chocolate mousse and vanilla cream flavors and they’re all topped with your favorite berries. Go on, try one.” Logan sets the box down on the kitchen counter next to one of the coffee machines and lifts up a round tart covered in berries. He takes a bite and smiles at the taste.
“It’s great, Jules. Thank you.”
Julian grins then promptly sits down on the nearest breakfast nook chair and yawns. Logan puts down the tart and starts running his fingers through Julian’s hair soothingly. “You should go up and rest. Ramsey will understand, you just got back this morning.” Julian shakes his head. “No, you’re singing in music class today. I want to be there.” Logan doesn’t respond, so Julian looks up and finds that Logan is giving him that look again, the one that tells Julian what he needs to hear without even having to say it out loud.
But this time, Logan surprises him.
The other boy leans down and presses a gentle kiss to Julian’s temple. “I love you, too,” Logan whispers, his lips moving against Julian’s hairline, his voice soft and tender. Julian’s breath hitches, and he pulls away so he can see Logan’s face. Logan is still smiling at him with that look in his eyes, his hand never stopping the stroking motion through his hair. Julian’s eyes fill, but his smile is wide and blinding.
I love you, Julian thinks desperately. God, I love you.
It becomes their thing.
Julian still can’t find a way to coax the words up his throat and past his lips, but it almost doesn’t matter, because whenever his actions speak for him, Logan smiles and hears him and tells him “I love you, too,” and everything feels right.
Julian can’t get enough of the feeling. He finds himself doing more and more things to show Logan how much he loves him.
Logan laughs as Julian flops down onto the bed and cuddles close, burrowing into the other boy’s side, blankets and comforters and all. He presses his face into the crook of Logan’s neck and smiles when Logan obligingly wraps his arms around him and pulls him even closer.
“You’ve been extra needy lately,” Logan comments casually, twisting a dark brown curl of hair around his finger. Julian hums. “I was gone for a week. I just missed you, that’s all,” he mumbles into Logan’s skin. Logan’s voice is quieter when he replies, “I missed you, too.”
Julian waits for a beat, then he pouts.
“Is that all?”
He can hear the amusement in Logan’s tone, but it’s okay because Logan leans down to whisper in his ear.
“I love you, too.”
Logan bursts out of his room, hair wild and free of gel, tie loose and barely hanging onto his neck. He glances at the clock on the anteroom wall as he balances on one foot, cramming his shoe onto the other.
“Warblers—meeting—Medel—overslept—”
Julian resists the urge to giggle. He gets up from the couch and comes over to place his hands on Logan’s shoulders to steady him. “Calm down. I called Ms. Medel and told her you were exhausted from fencing practice. She said to just meet her after class instead.” Logan exhales, relieved. He runs a hand through his hair and then smiles, bringing his hands up to cradle Julian’s face. He presses a chaste kiss to the tip of his nose.
“I love you, too.”
Julian twirls in the rain, yelling in excitement as the downpour gets stronger. He runs around barefooted, having abandoned his shoes by Stuart’s door, where Logan stands, leaning against the doorway and watching him dance in the rain.
Julian, sensing his Logan’s vigilant gaze, turns towards him and flings his arms out wide, Cheshire cat grin dominating his face.
”Logan! Come on, while it’s still strong!”
Julian knows Logan loves him because if it was anyone else, Logan wouldn’t be toeing off his shoes and walking down the steps towards them. Julian knows Logan loves him because if it was anyone else, Logan wouldn’t be letting himself get drenched in rainwater. Julian knows Logan loves him because if it was anyone else, Logan wouldn’t be wrapping his arms around their cold waist and pulling them close and kissing their wet lips with a force stronger than the rainstorm they’re standing in.
Julian knows Logan loves him because he pulls back and says over the pouring rain, as they gasp for breath, only for Julian to hear, “I love you, too.”
Julian knows Logan loves him, and there’s nothing to fear.
Julian wakes up to the scent of coffee wafting through the air. He stirs and opens his eyes just enough to squint up at Logan, who’s holding a mug of coffee, no doubt laden with as much sugar and cream as Julian can handle. Julian sleepily pushes himself to sit up against the headboard, and Logan smiles. Julian can’t help smiling back as he takes the mug into his hands, and he doesn’t even think about it as he beams and says the words.
“I love you, too.”