Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

"Oh?"

Ash cocked his head to the side, raising an eyebrow at Iris. His sienna eyes just daring her to speak up. His hands curling in around his sides, small wisps of aura floating about. But no, it wasn't how Ash usually balled his fists in excitement, or in the way he did it when hot anger usually lashed out at Iris because of her "You're such a kid!" comment.

No, Ash was calm. It was almost scary like that. His eyes were downright furious, but he gave off an aura of being unimpressed, maybe disappointment or amusement as well.

---------

Iris was confused.

Instead of the usual whine and scream from Ash after her words, she received a side of Ash she'd never seen before.

This new... character isn't how Ash usually acted. This was like a whole new different person.

The Ash she knew was carefree.

The Ash she knew was naive and childish.

The Ash she knew... wasn't this person.

Of course, she wouldn't ever let Ash know that she was scared of him. Besides, who would be scared of a little kid? He'd get over this small phase and be back to normal the next day.... right?

---------

After a tense silence, she spoke up.

"W- Well, of course!" Iris got out. "You're always childish and you don't take time to train your Pokemon! You're always just so arrogant and naive. I know starting out as a ten year old is hard, but seriously, this is kind of a stretch. I can't believe I agreed to travel with you..."

Ash actually chuckled at that, but Cilan could hear a bitter undertone to it. Another unimpressed stare was given to Iris.

"You do understand," he drawled, "that I'm older than both of you, right? Plus, you really don't need to travel with me. I've done this plenty of times before."

"Now, now, Ash," Cilan tried intervening before it got too extreme. "Just apologize to Iris, okay? There's no need to lie even if it gives you the upper hand, excuses aren't nee-"

"You honestly think I would lie just so I can win this very unnecessary conversation?" There wasn't any anger, no accusation, just a tired resignation of someone who's been through too much.

Iris snorted, trying to hide her surprise of how Ash has been acting today. "Well, you definitely know how to lie. Like that time you told us Zekrom decided to just make a storm and blast your Pikachu! What type of childhood fantasy is that? Just face the fact that Pikachu isn't the strongest species."

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Ash was honestly tired of being in Unova.

Don't get him wrong, the region and culture was great, but his travelling companions for the year were really getting on his nerves. They kept putting him down and all that—Ash usually wasn't sensitive, but right now, it was getting progressively harder to not be done with it all and snap at them.

He really didn't care at this point. Sure, they were insulting him, but Pikachu? His best friend and partner for seven years? Arceus, they were so in for it.

But Ash didn't snap. He was better than that. So he just grabbed his pokedex from his pocket, went to the recording of Zekrom, and threw it at Iris's face.

Okay, maybe he did snap. But just a little bit. But he did get a little laugh out of it.

That's fine. Although Unova wasn't his best region, Ash was getting better.

He let Iris and Cilan gawk at the recording, sighing and moving on into the forest.

"Come on, Pikachu," Ash smiled a real, genuine smile. "Let's go."

"Pika pi-ka!"

Although his companions weren't really companions at all, he always found love and family in his pokemon.

Chapter Text

Ash wasn't angry because he lost against Wulfric. No, that was completely fine. He lost gym battles all the time; it was normal to. He was angry because he just couldn't focus on the battle. But... wasn't battling his favourite?

What was he going on about? Of course battling was his favourite! The adrenaline, the excitement, the victories... Ash loved training along side his pokemon.

Except his greninja was a different case. Of course, their bond was wonderful. It was great to connect to your pokemon like that!

But every time Ash and Greninja ended up in the form, he was able to look into Ash's feelings. Ash's thoughts. Ash's past.

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At first, it wasn't so bad.

Every time they tried battling, random memories of the past always came up. Sometimes they were small reminders of a gymbattle. Sometimes they were memories of fun times Misty and him had fun together. Sometimes, he was reminded of Brock's cooking. Lucario or Mew here and there. Maybe even the fun times with Victini!

In Terminus Cave, he had small glimpses of May's contest battle against him and Sceptile.

But it ended up getting worse; after all, good things always come to an end.

In a battle with Alain, he was stuck in the middle of Mewtwo's and Mew's blasts. All of a sudden, he couldn't move and it felt like he was getting turned to stone again.

When going against Diantha and her Gardevoir, he was running across the forest, screaming for Riolu, hoping Hunter J didn't make it to her destination yet. A need to get stronger, to let out his aura to find riolu overcame him. He needed to be stronger for riolu, he needed to save it-

It threw the match.

And the battle against Wulfric... It was so cold in that gym. He knew it wasn't going to be a good idea, but he just had to catch up to Sawyer. In this battle, Ash was reminded of being thrown into space with Victini. Not fulfilling his promise. Making Pikachu and everyone worry. Failing Victini. Freezing to death.

It was too much. His thoughts cost him his victory.

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After leaving Greninja in critical condition, unsure if it'd wake up or not, Ash needed a break. So he set off into the forest.

'Mulling over the past isn't good.' Mewtwo told him. 'It'll lead to overthinking. Be safe during your travels, Ash.'

He sighed.

Mewtwo's words were right. He shouldn't dwell over what happened. He had to win the Kalos League and beat the Elite Four and Diantha. Come up with a strategy to beat Wulfric.

Ash was snapped out of his thoughts when he heard footsteps getting closer. Tensing, he turned around to identify the figure.

Serena. Oh. So Arceus was gonna be like that, huh.

"Serena."

"Ash."

Ash turned to sit on a log and put his cap down to cover his face.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have just left you guys like that..." Ash tried. He didn't really want this conversation right now. He needed time to think. Alone. Not with a girl who has a crush on him.

Serena cheerfully replied, trying to get closer. "It's okay! I'll listen, any time you want! I understand what you're feeling. I know how it is to lose. Remember my first Pokemon Showcase? I understand you-"

Ash scowled. Serena didn't get anything. Serena didn't understand. Serena wasn't Misty, or Brock, or Gary.

"You don't have a clue how I'm feeling!" Ash growled at her, not wanting to hear any more.

An uncomfortable silence passed.

Serena was taken aback. Ash had never snapped at her like that before. Hell, Ash never snapped at anybody before, period. What was going on with him now?

'No, no, Serena. Don't be so hard on him. He just had two losses, he was just disappointed in himself.' Serena chided herself.

"Then tell me about it so I can understand how you feel! I want you to be happy!"

Ash snorted drily. "I'd rather not."

He didn't want to tell a girl who held him on an odd pedestal anything about him. He wasn't a hero.

"Ash, what's going on?" Serena asked quietly, her voice laced with confusion.

"Nothing is going on, can you please leave now? I'd really like that." Ash stood up and turned away.

'Like you did to Paul.' The small voice in his head was getting louder. 'Paul was a strong trainer. How about you? Stop turning away from things. Don't be pathetic. Or was Paul right?'

He stopped. No, he wouldn't turn away. He wouldn't turn away ever again. Ash made a decision, only to be interrupted by a snowball.

"Stop it!" Serena yelled. "The Ash I know is full of positivity. He's a leader. He always tries his best and never gives up! No, he hangs in there until the very end! YOU'RE NOT ACTING LIKE THE ASH I KNOW! GIVE HIM BACK, BECAUSE YOU SURE AREN'T HIM!"

She threw two more snowballs at him, only for them to be blocked by a shield that came out of nowhere.

No, it didn't come out of nowhere. It came out of a very pissed Ash, who was glaring at her through the transparent wall, eyes a ferocious and prominent blue and hands glowing.

"What, I can't be in a bad mood? It's like everyone thinks 'Oh, Ash is such a nice guy, Ash is so happy-go-lucky, Ash can't be in a bad mood!'" Ash laughed bitterly, snarling at Serena. "Well guess what? Ash CAN be in a bad mood, and right now, Ash IS in a bad mood!"

He lost control of his aura. His shield shattered, tendrils and explosions of cerulean blue burst out of Ash's form, pushing Serena back into the snow, and seeping into the forest grounds. Where the aura touched, the snow melted and flowers bloomed, snapping Serena out of her daze.

He ran deeper into the forest, looking to search for Greninja.

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He didn't mean to burst out like that, okay?

Ash was a calm person, he knew how to reign in his emotions—when he drops his childish facade, that is.

But this time, he was actually mad at Serena. Did she really expect him to be perfect and wonderful to everybody all the time? He gets it, he met her when they were five, and he was some sort of Prince Charming to her, but if she really thought that he was going to be a hero 24/7, he doesn't know what to give her.

He shook his head. He'll go apologize to Serena for no reason whatsoever when he gets back from finding Greninja. Hopefully no questions will be raised about his random burst of aura.

Speaking about that... Ash closed his eyes in concentration, searching for a frog-like figure through his aura vision.

There he was. Greninja was trying to save a few spewpa from the cold.

Ash grinned. His pokemon were always there to cheer him up.

He set off to go help his friend.

--------- Meanwhile... ---------

Serena sobbed, running back to the cabin right before the snow started falling too hard.

"Serena?" Bonnie ran up to her, laughing. "Serena! You're back! Do you have Ash with you? Is he a keeper ye-"

Bonnie finally noticed the tears coming from Serena's face, her expression quickly changing to concern, hugging her.

"Serena! Are you okay?"

Serena hugged back, trying to hold back the tears. "Ash, he-"

Clemont finally caught up to the two.

"Oh, you're ba- Serena, what's wrong?"

They went back inside, giving Serena some hot chocolate and a place to sit.

"Tell us what happened," Clemont suggested. "maybe we can help."

She started the story. "Well, I was looking for Ash, and I found him standing in this clearing. I thought he was disappointed about his losses, so I tried to empathize with him so I could cheer him up! But- But he snapped at me, saying that I didn't understand a thing he was feeling."

Clemont shook his head. "That wasn't a very nice thing to do, was it?"

"Well, I guess not. So I asked him what was wrong, only for him to tell me that it was none of my business! But I care about him a lot, so I wanted to know what was going on. Then I got mad, and told him that he wasn't the Ash we knew. That Ash was positive, not whatever he was feeling... I ended up throwing snowballs at him, but he blocked it! His eyes turned this scary blue and a shield formed in front of him. He was so mad at me. He lost his temper and the shield exploded. I ran away after that."

Bonnie was confused. "You sure that happened? Ash isn't magic."

"I don't know, but I saw him do it!"

"Tell you what," Clemont tried consoling her. "We'll confront Ash about it when he comes back. Alright?"

"Okay."

Hours later, he came back to the cabin, bantering with Greninja.

"Hey! I'm back..."

His greeting died off in his throat when he saw a nervous Serena sitting on the couch, biting her lip. His eyes snapped to a curious Clemont, and a mad Bonnie.

He sighed. Well, this is going to be a long night.