Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

The fireworks reflected
on my glasses, on the street.
Your coat, buttoned, collar popped,
your scarf wound tight on your neck.

I wonder if you noticed
how my breath caught in my throat.
Our eyes met, once, and it looked
like you did not mind my gaze.

I watched you in the moonlight.
Your face was in silhouette
and I couldn’t look away.
In my defense, it was late.

I stared at you and felt
my hand brush up against yours.
I felt like a teen again
as I blushed and closed my eyes.

Schmidt, you are so very - fuck,
I wish I could word this well.
But you gave Nadia a
gift last year and holy shit.

Listen, I think I love you
more than I knew possible,
and when I see you I wish
that I knew what to tell you.

And so instead I’ll sit here
with the shadow of your hand,
and keep myself from touching
your angled jaw as you laugh.

Chapter Text

Tugged awake by the drifting smell of slowly percolating coffee,
the deep, gentle murmuring of you, Schmidt, repeating
your morning to-do list to yourself, your soft, bare hands
clutching an empty mug, your brows drawn in a sharp
frown as you shuffle back into the bedroom to the closet, seeking
a shirt, something warm, to yank over your shivering shoulders.

Sleep blinks away to quiet awe as fabric tugs across your shoulders
as you roll messy sleeves past your elbows, wander back for coffee.
My eyes follow after your tired, fumbling footsteps, seeking
more, just a bit more of your ritual morning futzing, repeating
the same steps you always do but still with such care, sharp
lines made soft by yawns, by early golden sunbeams. My hands

scrub at my eyes arm stretch above my head and your hands
pause stirring cream and sugar. Twist your shoulders
to gaze back through the open bedroom door at me, sharp
smile cocked as your hips lean against the counter, lips sip coffee
in a long, slow drag. My heart, so battered, so lively, starts repeating
those staccato beats, the same drum line every time that seeking

stare pierces through me like an arrow, like a heat-seeking
missile locked onto my burning, aching chest, cheeks, hands
instinctively gripping the sheets while you go back to the repeating
motion of a slowly swirling spoon. All the tension in my shoulders
unfurls. Even as you wind me up you loosen me. “Coffee?”
you ask. I nod. You’ve already got my cup. How long have those sharp

steel eyes known I was awake and watching? Did those sharp
senses feel me following the curve of your neck, your spine, seeking
a few stolen visions of you from my still dreamy, still slow, pre-coffee
waking? You walk towards me, sleepy yet somehow sauntering, hands
bearing two steaming cups, but when I reach out, you brush past my shoulders,
across my lap, setting both on the bedside table before softly repeating

the same words you tell me every morning, I love you, repeating
the same sideways glance that makes me slide my palm across your sharp
jawline and turn your still stubbled chin towards me, hands alighting on shoulders,
slipping towards the back of my neck, your eyes, tired and bright, seeking
words in return, Morning. Love you too. until subtle glances and shy hands
are not enough, and I pull your lips into mine, tasting like warm coffee,

blurring away every sharp edge, every lingering worry, the two of us seeking
solace in repeating such simple habits: a morning kiss, and broad shoulders
still touching as you sit next to me in bed smiling between sips of coffee.

Chapter Text

I know, I know, what I should have done. I choked
right at the end, at the last crucial, desperate second because
your bubblegum hair, bright earnest eyes, broke

me. How could I just let my hands drift like that, stroke
your perfect square jaw, let my fingers lace through the fuzz-
I know! I know what I should have done! I choked

out a laugh, graced Watson with a kiss instead, joked
as if that was always the plan, as if I had a plan? Who does?
Your bubblegum hair, bright earnest eyes broke

a little, no, a lot, I definitely saw before you cloaked
them, laughed with me, you saint, you rogue, you make my head buzz-
I know! I know what I should have done! I choked

it all back instead, the words, the daydreams, the sloped
downward spiral of my thoughts at night, how always it was
your bubblegum hair, bright earnest eyes, broke

nose, broke heart, broken moments like this roped
around us again and again a tangled trap never pulled taut because
I know what I should have done. I choked
on your bubblegum hair
your bright earnest eyes
broke
me.

Chapter Text

ode to the way you look when you first wake up, and the way your eyes crinkle when you laugh, and

i can’t help but stare at how
you look when you wake up - blinking eyes cheeks flushed
as you stretch in bed, shoulders taut.
you call out to me, your voice low and rough,
and i swear that it’s the voice of an angel,
or something else i don’t deserve to hear.
i’m always up - my shitty body can’t sleep past dawn
but i love the moments when you catch me -
sleeves unbuttoned, chin rough - like no one else does,
and you summon me, your loyal servant,
for a kiss.

you’ve never been the morning type
and at the start i found that lonely, the hours alone
while you slept. now? now i drink my coffee and i wait
and when you wake it’s like i have something
i’ve been waiting for, you with your cinnamon eyes
and the way you watch when you think i’m not looking.
have i ever told you, nando, how much i love to hear
your voice, your laugh, on my bare skin as i dress?
the gentle slope of your body on the sheets
as you ask me, your hesitant lover,
about breakfast.

i have my own rhythm at this point. i get up,
i make my coffee, i scroll dead-eyed through twitter
like a fool (we already know i am a fool).
on bad days i leave before your eyes crack.
on good days i order breakfast or i
butter our toast and sit until the draw of your skin
pulls me, your clumsy hands and your sleepy eyes
and the feeling of you near me pushes away the thoughts,
at least for a while, the constant noise a back seat
as you tell me, your gentle paramour,
that you love me.

i can feel your eyes on me across the length
of the apartment, through walls - i know
i’m irresistible and i know your gaze fills me with warmth.
i can tell when you wake up by
the burning of your glance. i let you catch me,
shirt off, mask off - bare, open, shivering
and i do it again and again and again. you,
with your morning hair and bleary eyes,
you see through me, through my careful construction
and you give me, your headstrong suitor,
your strength.