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Billy Parker hurried into Ray’s Diner. He had taken a call from his best friend Jack Small to meet him at the diner for lunch. Billy had spent all morning beating the streets looking for work. Not many places wanted to hire a twenty year old with only basic education. Jack was in the same situation, yet had offered to buy Billy lunch.
Billy entered the diner and smiled as he saw Jack stand up and wave him toward the booth where he was sitting.
“Hey Billy! Over here!”
Billy walked over to the table and slumped into the seat. Life in New York was not turning out the way he wanted it to. “You buying? Right? I’m broke Jack.”
“Not to worry. I’ve got great news. I found us both a job that will set us up for life.”
Billy grimaced. “I won’t do anything illegal.”
“Nope, it’s all legit. It’s a government job.”
“What? You enlist in the Army of something?”
“No. You need to come with me to a meeting this evening and they’ll explain everything. I got a cash advance, so order whatever you want to eat.”
Billy’s eyes bulged as Jack waved a handful of cash in front of his face. The two young men spent the next hour working their way through a steak dinner and desert. Jack refused to answer any of Billy’s questions. “Just wait. I promise this is going to be great!”
***************************
Later that evening Jack and Billy made their way down a dark alley to a door. On the door was a flier. Is said “Get Ready for the Secret Agent Camp. Secret Agents Only, Top Secret.” With a cartoon drawing of a man in a fedora wearing dark glasses. Billy looked at the flier and turned to Jack, “Geeze are you nuts. This is stupid.”
“No, just give it a try. Come on in and listen to what they have to say.”
The two entered and found themselves in a brightly lit room set up like a class room with desks and chairs. There were about thirty other people in the room. The two men found seats toward the middle of the room. At the front of the room there was a podium, a screen and slide projector and several boxes stacked on a table. There were two rather tough looking men lounging near the boxes. A door opened and a stunning blond woman entered along with a rather scary looking man. The woman was wearing a low cut black dress which left little to the imagination. The man was wearing a suit that was obviously custom made.
The woman cleared her throat and the murmuring in the room silenced. “I’m so happy to see so many of you here. I want to thank those of you who attended yesterdays meeting and brought a friend with you today. See me at the end of the presentation and we’ll pay you your finders fee.”
Jack nudged Billy in the side and smiled. “See legit!”
“I’m Angelique La Chien and I’m the Chief Enforcement Officer for UNCLE. The United Network Command for Law and Enforcement. I want to welcome you here to our meeting. We at UNCLE have learned that our best agents are those that we have recruited right off the street. This evening we are going to set you up with everything you’ll need to pass our recruiting test. If you pass our field test we will hire you, train you and you will be on your way to earning up to two thousand dollars a week.”
“Wow!” Billy couldn’t believe his ears.
Angelique smiled “Wow, indeed. I’ll let Mister Johnathan Samson explain our recruiting test.” She nodded toward her companion.
The man looked at the rapt audience. “We will pass out guns to each and every one of you. It doesn’t matter if you have never used a gun, and you don’t have to worry about hurting anyone. These guns use a sleep dart.” He pulled out a pistol and shot one of the men lounging by the boxes. The mans eyes rolled up and he dropped to the ground.
Mr. Samson assured the startled group of people. “He’ll wake up in about ten minutes.”
“All you have to do is point and shoot. We will also give each of you a deck of what will look like playing cards. Each card will have a photo of one of our UNCLE agents. Each card will also have a dollar amount listed below their photo. Your job as potential UNCLE recruits is to spread out over the city, locate the people on the cards and dart them. Call the number on the card and report who you have darted. We will keep track and after the test is over you will receive the amount you have earned. Sort of a hiring bonus. You will have three weeks to get as many targets as you can.”
Angelique nodded, “Of course our trained agents will try to avoid being shot, you need to show us that you are just as determined as they are. Also the applicant who has the highest dollar score will receive a substantial bonus. UNCLE always rewards the best.”
The darted man groaned and sat up. “See.” Mr. Samson pointed. “No one will be harmed in this test.”
Angelique smiled. “So, if you are interested in participating in the recruitment test raise you hand and we’ll hand out the applications for you to fill out. Then we’ll pass out your dart gun and deck of target cards.”
Jack looked at Billy “Well, what do you think? Two thousand dollars a week!”
“Heck yes! Let’s do it!” They both raised their hands.
******************************************
After the excited recruits left with their guns and cards, the two THRUSH sat and looked at each other. Angelique shook her head. “I don’t think this will work darling.”
“Sure it will, for the outlay of a few hundred dollars we have an army of assassins out targeting every UNCLE agent we know. If they shoot them it’s a win, if they get away and shoot another, it’s a win.”
“And if they get killed by UNCLE?”
“No loss. Plus think of the trouble this will cause. UNCLE won’t know what hit them.”
“But giving untrained kids guns with live ammo? You don’t think that could cause THRUSH any problems?”
“No, the cops will think these are just kids trying to make some money. Really Angelique, there is nothing to worry about.”
“We’ll see darling.”
**************************************
Napoleon Solo and Illya Kuryakin were making a verbal report to their supervisor Alexander Waverly. Napoleon sounded frustrated as he continued. “The past two weeks have seen two successful and two unsuccessful assassination attempts on Section Two. In each case it’s been young down on their luck kids with no prior criminal records.”
Illya commented, “In each case where the assassins have been taken alive they indicated that they were participating in a recruitment test to join UNCLE.”
Alexander Waverly shook his head. “Obviously some sort of scheme concocted by THRUSH. I expect you to put a stop to this before we lose any more people, our own or these young innocents who have been duped.”
“Yes Sir.”
As they left Waverly’s assistant Wanda handed Napoleon a note. “Mark wants us to meet him in the bullpen, he says he found something new about the attacks.”
The two agents entered the agents bullpen. A group of Section Two agents were crowded around a table. They were passing objects back and forth between themselves and laughing. As Napoleon and Illya walked up to the table they saw Mark Slate who waved them over. “You have to see this!”
Mark spread out what looked like a deck of cards. Napoleon picked up one of the cards. It had a picture of one of the younger agents in Section Two, his name, and a dollar figure of three hundred dollars printed under his name. “What’s this?”
Mark grinned. “These were found near the kid who shot at Ben. He said they were target cards, if he had darted Ben he’d get the dollar amount as a bonus.”
Illya picked up the deck and began flipping through them. “Napoleon, I have a larger dollar amount than you!”
“What!?”
“Yes.” Napoleon could hear the amusement in his partners voice. “I’m worth seven thousand and you are worth one. See?” Illya held up their two cards.
“I’m sure that’s a misprint” Napoleon frowned.
Mark laughed. “I’m sure that’s true. Right lads?” All the Section Two agents chuckled. “The kid indicated that they had attended a meeting where a Johnathan Samson handed these out along with pistols that they were told were loaded with sleep darts. He couldn’t remember where the meeting had been held though.”
“We know Samson is a local up and coming THRUSH. We have some intel on him so let’s see if we can flush our bird out of the bushes.”
**********************
Jack and Billy were watching the entrance of Del Floria’s. Jack said, “I know I saw that blond guy, the one worth seven thousand big ones go into this shop. I think the one dressed all snazzy went in here too. If we just sit tight we can get them when they come out.”
They both ducked down as they heard bell as the door opened. Napoleon and Illya exited and stood at the top of the stairs glancing up and down the street. Jack popped up from behind a car and aimed his pistol and pulled the trigger. He started as his dart gun kicked in his hand. Billy shouted, “That’s a real gun Jack!” Napoleon fell back down the stairs. Illya ran across the street his special in his hand. He shot and Jack fell, Billy stood and raised his hands not moving.
A group of Section Two agents rushed out of the tailor shop. Two grabbed Napoleon and drug him inside the other’s ran to where Illya had his gun trained on Billy who was pale and obviously not trying to escape. “Is he dead?” His voice sounded near tears as he tried not to meet Illya’s glare.
“No your friend is merely asleep, however once he wakes up he’s going to wish he were.”
***************
Later in interrogation.
“We didn’t know the guns were real Mister. Honest!” Billy was near hysterics.
Illya looked at him. “We know, however ignorance is not defense.”
“It’s the blond ladies fault, she’s the one who lied to us, her and the other guy.”
Illya rolled his eyes, “Let me guess, Angelique La Chien?”
“Yea, Jack took me to a meeting and she and this Samson guy said they were UNCLE agents. If we wanted to work for UNCLE and make a lot of money all we had to do was dart the people on the cards!”
Illya smiled then. His smile was not pleasant at all. He turned to Mark and said, “I’ve got an idea, you continue the questioning. I’m going to check on Napoleon.”
*********************
Illya spent several hours in research and then went to the printing shop. He had convinced Napoleon to contact Angelique and make a date with her. She was to meet his partner in the bar at the Algonquin Hotel. Illya, stood out of sight near the bar. He watched as the sultry blond was escorted to a table for two. She placed an order and sat, waiting for the UNCLE agent. Illya motioned to the bar tender and ordered a vodka martini. “Take it to the woman over there and give her these also.” He placed a deck of cards on the tray along with a five dollar bill. The bartender pocketed the five “Yes, Sir.”
He took the drink to Angelique and pointed to Illya who saluted her then walked out of the bar.
Angelique frowning opened the cards and pulled them out. She gasped and looked up in anger then flipped through the deck. Each and every card was a picture of her with a monetary figure printed below her name.
************************
Epilogue
“So what did you do IK? Angelique called and was livid. She has always hated you but I think it’s beyond that now.”
“I decided two could play at her card game so I dealt a hand.”
“What did you do?!”
“We haven’t had anymore attacks, I think we have all the kids who fell for their scheme. Mark and his team have Johnathan Samson on the run.”
“You aren’t answering my question.”
“I had research go through our files and pull out the most unattractive photos we had of that woman. We printed them on playing cards.”
“We had unattractive photos of Angelique?”
“Oh yes, quite a few. Then I had them print her bounty figure under her name. I gave her the deck for a keepsake.”
“I see. How much bounty did you put down?”
Illya chuckled, “Twenty five cents.”
Napoleon laughed, “You didn’t? Two bits?”
“It seemed appropriate.”