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“I’m breaking up with you.” Rose says, and she feels the giddy little leap of fear and excitement in the pit of her stomach. Vier looks dumbfounded, his hair is sweat-stuck to his forehead and Rose wants to just push it back and kiss him. But no, that’s not how her plan works. She shades her eyes from the sun where they stand in front of his campus.
“Why?” Vier manages after a few seconds of silence, and Rose just half shrugs and looks away over his shoulder at the sprawl of buildings. His voice is quiet, like he’s afraid of crying.
“You don’t make time for me.” Rose replies, voice flat. She has to give him the reason, that’s part of the plan. She puts her hands on her hips. “I’m your girlfriend, I’m supposed to be your priority.”
He looks shocked at this revelation, like she had expected. And this is her scripted exit, let him think about her last words before he has a chance to formulate a response. She turns, hiding her self satisfied smile and crossing her arms over her chest. She doesn’t turn back when he calls after her.
He’ll come crawling back, she knows it. He’ll beg for her back and she’ll comfort him and deign to be his girlfriend again, as long as he gives her more attention. She’ll give him a little time to think about what he did wrong, but then the plan is going to work, she’s certain.
__
“No.” Vier says again, and Rose shakes her head in disbelief. They’re in front of the cafe, standing too far apart, Rose couldn’t even touch him if she tried to reach out. She balls her fists at her sides and glances up at the overcast sky. Why is he being like this?
“I already apologized.” She says, hearing the whining tinge to her voice. “I’m sorry, okay? You were just so busy with the tournament it made me upset, but now that you’re more free I thought we could start over, try it all again. Why won’t you give me a chance?”
“Rose,” he pauses, and she already knows what he’s saying and she wants to scream, “you broke up with me. I’m sorry, but I don’t want to go back.”
She watches his expression. He looks calm, detached. He looks like he doesn’t love her anymore and she doesn’t understand what could have changed so much in just a few weeks. This time he leaves first, walks away where she can’t follow.
She can’t let it end like this. She will find another way to get him back.
__
“Thanks for being my mentor.” Rose says, smiling Sean’s wide smile. She reaches across the table between them and places a hand on Vier’s arm. “I really appreciate it.”
Vier smiles back, and Rose feels her heart skip a beat. Every time he smiles at her like that it takes her a few seconds to remember he’s not smiling at her , he’s smiling at Sean , and that leaves a bitter taste in her mouth. They share eye contact, slightly too long to be casual. She leaves her hand where it is and Vier doesn’t pull away.
“You’re welcome.” Vier replies quietly. “You’re a hard worker.”
She moves her hand, pulling back just slightly, hovering millimeters over the fabric of Vier’s jacket before trailing her fingertips across the skin of his hand. She looks from her hand to his face, making a solid eye contact she refuses to break.
Vier pulls his hand away. Rose’s hand drops to the table.
“Uh…” Vier flounders. “I’m sorry. I mean. Excuse me, I’ll go first.” He walks away without stopping to button his jacket, and Rose watches him go. She’s not sure what she expected to happen, but she couldn’t help touching him. Had there not been a table between them who knows what she would have tried. Every attempt is worth it, even if she embarrasses herself, he’ll never know it’s her anyway. Vier’s reactions all boil down to something, and Rose thinks she understands it. He must still love her, he has to, what other explanation could there be?
__
“Is it possible for us to try again?” She leans forward towards the table and watches as Vier’s eyes widen.
Now’s the time, she tells herself. She’s done so much work, she’s paused her entire life for him. Vier takes a few seconds to process, and Rose waits for his response. Surely, he’s excited. Surely, he’ll say yes this time. He has to say yes this time.
“Rose.” She feels her stomach drop. This isn’t right. “This is the second time you’ve asked.” Oh, no. Tears prick the edges of her eyes and she wills them back. No, this isn’t how it’s meant to go. “My answer is still the same. We can’t be together anymore.”
She tries to keep smiling, she tries to keep it under control. Her hands are shaking. “Yes.” She begins. “I did ask you before, but that was right after we broke up. Haven’t your feelings changed at all?”
Vier leans back in his chair. She wants him to be considering her question, but it just looks like he’s pretending to consider it, placating this pathetic woman who dares to be in love with him.
“The first time,” he starts, “it was you who left me.”
“I know… I was wrong.” She’ll apologize again if she must. She just has to change his mind. “No one understands me like you do.”
He doesn’t respond, and suddenly it all feels hopeless. All the time and effort she’s put into overcoming his wish, to making him love her again, wasted. Why can’t he just forget the past? He only stares blankly, and she can see the pity in his eyes.
“Vier, tell me the truth.” She wants him to admit it, the lengths he went to to spite her. “Will you not give me another chance because you used the unicorn wish to stop loving me, or is it because you really don’t love me anymore?”
He takes a deep breath and sighs. “I can’t know the answer to that. But what I do know is that it’s all in the past.” Maybe for him, she thinks. Vier is Rose’s past, present and desired future. “We can still be friends.”
No, she thinks, she doesn’t want to be his friend. Her eyes catch sight of the bracelet he still wears, the bracelet that she, herself, fastened on his wrist in the guise of Sean. “One final question, then,” she says, “if you really don’t have any feelings for me, why are you still wearing my bracelet?”
Vier looks confused, shocked even at her question. “Rose… It’s a misunderstanding. I’m sorry, I wear it…” He takes a deep breath and Rose thinks her fingernails may draw blood with how tightly she’s squeezing her fists. “I wear it because it’s beautiful. That’s all.”
She clenches her jaw. She hardly even hears him ask if she’s okay before everything wells up and she speaks “Then take it off.” She demands, and holds out her hand, palm up. He hesitates, and she jerks her head in his direction, reiterating her demand.
It’s something like relief as she watches his fingers fumble with the clasp and he deposits the bracelet in her hand, his fingertips barely brushing her skin.
She remembers an earlier thought, why can’t he just forget the past? She speaks without thinking it through. “If I’d disappeared from your memories completely, I’d have a better chance of starting over with you, right?”
She doesn’t wait for his answer, she doesn’t want to know what he thinks, it’s the last chance she has left and it’s the only thing she can think of. She hears him call after her when she turns to go, just like he did all that time ago when she’d walked away hiding her smile. This time she feels the tears on her cheeks but she doesn’t wipe them so he can’t tell she’s crying.
__
“Vier.” She says, voice deep as it comes from Sean’s mouth. She saw him across the bar and only hesitated a few seconds before approaching. Even years later he looks the same, she’s not sure how she feels at this point. When she stops they’re close, almost hip to hip and nearly the same height. She looks Vier in the eyes and behind the surprise there’s something else that looks like fear.
“Sean.” Vier lifts his chin in greeting and his hair falls into his face. “You’re back?”
“Visiting.” She smiles, broadly, and waits until Vier is looking to look him up and down. He still looks good. She’s not strictly lying when she says Sean is visiting. It’s been months since she’s transformed, but something about her was missing him. Missing the freedom of being a man in a bar, the thrill of being watched, being desired, without the fear of being vulnerable in her own body.
What a lucky break that Vier is here this night.
She speaks up again before he does. “You look nice. Handsome.” She’s still smiling as she says it, and there’s that fear again, sitting just behind Vier’s smile.
Vier swallows, and Rose can see it. “Thanks. Um, you too.”
Rose rests her hand against Vier’s bicep, leaning close under the guise of speaking over the noise. “Do you want to talk somewhere quieter?” She asks, and watches as his eyes widen.
“Babe?” Rose hears a nearby woman’s voice, and turns to see a girl, dark haired and pretty, approaching Vier’s other side. She takes him by the hand. “Who’s this?”
Vier steps back, Rose lets her hand fall away and turns her smile to the woman. “I’m Sean.” She says, pleasant. “Vier’s old school friend. And you are?”
“Mint, Vier’s girlfriend.” She looks threatened, and Rose wants to laugh.
“Nice to meet you.” She says instead. “Excuse me, I’ll be going first.” She offers a half hearted bow to Mint and watches Vier breathe a sigh of relief as she turns to go. He doesn’t call after her, and she doesn’t want him to.
Vier is shaken, and that gives Rose an inexplicable joy, followed by a hollowness where, she realizes with a shock, the love used to be.
__
“Rose, is that you?” It’s her first time back in Chiang Mai in four years and the sound of his voice sends her reeling. They can’t seem to escape these coincidences. She looks over and Vier is closing the distance between them, when he stops he’s close enough she could touch his arm.
“Vier. It’s been a while.” If someone had told her back then that she could sound this detached when speaking to Vier, she would have thought it a lie. She smiles, friendly, and eyes the suit he’s wearing. “I never thought you’d be the corporate fundraiser type.”
He nods. Smiles. Rose can remember why she loved him so fiercely, even if she’s managed to douse those coals over time. He looks a little shy before he speaks. “My team designed the building.” He gestures to the glass enclosed grand lobby around them, currently filled with a few dozen guests and visitors.
“Impressive.” Rose says, catching a flute of champagne from a passing waiter. She takes a sip, not breaking eye contact. “A big project for someone so young.”
He shakes his head and looks off into the crowd. “I’m just part of the team, not the lead designer.” He almost sounds embarrassed at the admission, and she laughs to cover his awkwardness.
“Still impressive, Vier.” She means it, and her serious tone brings his eyes back to meet hers. Vier nods and lifts his own glass in a quick cheers before taking a drink. She almost wants to ask him about that college girlfriend, but quickly remembers Rose had never met her.
“What about you?” He asks. She watches him look her up and down, he lingers on the hand wrapped around the champagne flute. “What brings you here? Are you here alone?”
She laughs. He’s always been straight to the point. She swaps the glass from her left to her right hand and offers a quick display of the ring. “I’m here with my fiance. He’s one of the biologists here. Someone caught him up in some shop talk so I wandered away.”
He nods and tries a pained smile. “Congratulations.” He keeps nodding and Rose laughs gently just to break his cycle.
“Thank you.” She says softly. They share a silence, bordering on awkward, and listen to the smalltalk around them and the gentle music piped through the speaker system.
Vier speaks first. “...How’s your brother?”
Rose’s smile falters for a split second. “He’s good. Just graduated, got a job abroad.”
“Oh, good for him. I feel bad that we lost touch.” Vier won’t look at her now, and Rose thinks it’s probably for the best.
“I’ll tell him to call you.” She says, knowing the call won’t happen. She catches sight of her fiance, turning from his group of coworkers to look for her. “Looks like I’m needed.” She gestures vaguely behind Vier into the crowd. “It was nice to see you again.”
She walks past him, striding as much as her dress allows. This time when he calls her name she stops and turns.
She simply raises her eyebrows in an unspoken question, watching the conflict on Vier’s face.
“Can we see each other again?” He asks. Teenage Rose would have killed for such a question. Now she weighs it in her mind.
“I don’t think so, Vier.” She replies, shaking her head softly. “Good luck… you know, with everything.”
She doesn’t look back again.