Chapter Text
Practicing singing alone in the quiet neighbourhood church chapel was nothing unusual, though by that point I had been practicing at home more often instead. It was just a little less awkward to fight against the self-doubts plaguing my mind while listening to my own singing voice in the privacy of my own room, where no one else would hear me. However, this day was different. This was the day I had mentally prepared myself to give up on singing once and for all.
It was a weekday afternoon, so naturally I expected no one to be in the church chapel. After a slight moment of hesitation, I carefully opened the aged wooden chapel doors. The doors creaked with each slight push. After entering the chapel, I looked up and stared blankly at the stained glass windows surrounding me. The sunlight shone gently into the chapel, and the reflections of the vibrant coloured stained glass windows were certainly beautiful. Yet, it could not illuminate the heavy feeling I carried in my heart.
" Today is the day I shall give up on singing. But God, let me sing just one last song ..." I thought to myself, heaving a sigh before starting to sing.
“My tears have all dried up. Even then, I want to believe that miracles can happen.”
Though I channeled whatever strength I could muster to project my voice, just like old days past, it was a surreal feeling to hear my own voice echo throughout the empty chapel.
I could not understand, why did that song have to be the first song to cross my mind? ‘Prayer’ was a song close to my heart, and I was certainly familiar with it. Yet, why did I have to recall that song at that very moment? I knew so many hymns, pop songs, rock songs, even a few metal songs by heart, surely I could sing something else I had listened to more recently? Nonetheless, I continued singing as the melody playing in my mind carried my voice along.
“I’m like a downcast beast starved of love, aren't I? The cross is pierced deep into the depths of my heart. Resonate with my voice. To the sky overflowing with songs of destruction, I pray.”
I took a deep breath after singing the first chorus. Just then, I heard footsteps. I tried to ignore the footsteps and continue the next verse, but the footsteps kept growing louder and louder. This was getting too distracting, so I paused for a moment to compose myself. From the corner of my eye, I saw a stranger approaching me from behind. I suddenly regretted not closing the chapel door before entering earlier.
“Excuse me.” The stranger spoke nervously, gazing at me in bewilderment.
“Huh?” I turned around to look at the stranger. The stranger seemed much taller than me. They were wearing a grey turtleneck, darker grey pants and a long black coat. Comfortable monochrome attire indeed. Their short, ear length, slightly puffy dark grey hair subtly framed their face. It took me a while of observation, but my gut feeling told me that it was a young lady, albeit an androgynous-looking one.
“Sorry, did I startle you? I’m not a suspicious person, I think…” She continued to speak, in a more hesitant voice this time.
“Then why are you here?” I retorted at the stranger, both of my hands tightly gripping the edges of my leather jacket. Which person in their right mind would declare they are not suspicious anyway? Would that not be stating the obvious, or making themselves look even more dubious?
“Because I heard your singing voice...that song just now was ‘prayer’, right?”
“Yeah, so?”
“I recognise that song too. But that’s not the main point. I just thought I wanted to hear more of your singing voice...” She replied shyly, her voice trailing off at the end. I sensed her hazel eyes briefly brightening as she pondered.
At this point, my fight-or-flight response kicked in and I decided it was best to flee. What else could I do? This situation was getting too embarrassing and awkward.
“Hey, wait-” The stranger called out to me in shock. From the corner of my eye, I saw her hand slightly reaching out towards me.
“Leave me alone!” I screamed out by reflex without thinking, as I attempted to make my escape.
“But I want to talk to you more...!”
“...I’m sorry.” This was the only thing I could meekly utter before abruptly taking my leave.
“Ah, I did it again. Did I do something wrong? Was I too harsh?” I thought wistfully to myself as I stopped running to catch my breath. Some part of me hated myself for always pushing away anyone who even tried to approach me. If I keep rejecting the people who reach out to me, it would only be natural for them to never talk to me again, right? I would always end up being alone that way, isn’t it?
However, everything was so sudden, perhaps even a little scary. For a random stranger who did not even know me to say she wanted to hear more of my singing voice? That felt...strangely unbelievable. It was reasonable for me to keep my guard up in such a situation, right? I decided it was best to just go home and rest for the day.
Yet, the sincerity of that stranger’s voice, along with the gentle curiosity of her eyes were burnt into my memory. If it were within God’s will, perhaps we could meet again. Maybe, just maybe, it could be the start of a new beginning for me, if someone would want and salvage the very thing that I was on the verge of abandoning.
“Until the two of us arrive at our utopia someday, let’s believe we aren’t over just yet.”
“My voice rings out and resonates. For songs filled with hope to overflow, I pray.”