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“An’ that’s basically the story behind these.”
Okuyasu pointed at the lines on his face that reminded you of a baseball, not that you’d ever tell that to his face, and proceeded to take a hearty bite out of his sandwich. He had been squatting, like a true delinquent from the movies would, in front of the bench where you and Koichi were sitting, the shorter boy next to you having forgotten to take a bite of his lunch due to his investment in the story but just when he remembered his untouched food something else caught his attention. “Josuke! You’re late!”
The three of you watched as the school’s heartthrob jogged up to your quiet, little lunch spot, his expression serious but as his eyes fell on you he smiled, even if it looked a little forced and almost apologetic. Your shoulders subconsciously tensed at that, your gut already telling you what was about to happen.
“Sorry guys! I just got held up by this girl and- Um… Y/N, I kinda need to discuss something with these two.” The tension in your shoulders travelled up to your jaw and down to your hands as you understood without him needing to spell it out to you. After all this was not the first time this happened.
“Again? Why’re ya keep gettin’ swarmed by the ladies, Josuke?” Your classmate with the scary eyes whined in a not so scary way, reminding you of a sad puppy the way he almost seemed to tear up whenever Mr. Pompadour’s popularity with the girls got brought up. But while Okuyasu looked dejected Koichi next to you perked up, his gaze alert since he seemed to pick up on how you got the indirect request to leave the guys alone.
Part of you wondered if the story about a girl holding him up was even true to begin with but that didn’t really influence your reaction anyways since you shrugged and put on a smile for the almost guilty looking school icon. “I got it. See you guys later then! And Okuyasu, don’t forget to hand me my notes back before class, okay? I still need to go over them before the test this Friday.” You waited for the dejected puppy to look up at you as he remembered the notes, giving you a thumbs up along with a wide smile and the promise to hand them to you after lunch. And for a second the only thing you paid attention to was him, the way his eyes narrowed slightly while his lips stretched to reveal a toothy smile, his honest expressions something you had yet to see on anyone else’s face. Your heart felt light after that, but you tried to quickly avert your gaze, hoping the other two didn’t catch on as you waved at the guys after pushing yourself off the bench, heading back into the building to spend the remaining fifteen minutes of your lunch break in your classroom.
It had been a few months since you moved to Morioh and found yourself entangled with the three unlikely friends named Josuke, Okuyasu and Koichi after a rather awkward start involving an unintentional almost-body slam, your lunch money and one or two not-so-bad boys – the basic plot to any good teen movie starring a bunch of pseudo high schoolers in their late twenties. The only difference was that this was reality and instead of you being an oh so quirky, confident 26 year old you were actually an anxious bundle of nerves since 1983. But despite your strange start it didn’t take much time for the four of you to hang out during lunch. And before long it was only natural for you to wait with Okuyasu for Josuke or Koichi to drop by and head out to someplace quiet, giving the pompadoured party member a chance to eat in peace without a gaggle of girls watching him like a group of vultures.
Those lunch breaks were the best thing to happen to you since you arrived in this quaint town, the time spent with the trio always filled with laughter and even if your mind sometimes got the better of you during conversations the boys never took it to heart. They seemingly had no trouble growing used to you being a worrywart every now and then, slowly coaxing you out of your shell which was something you were incredibly thankful for.
But as understanding as they were, during moments like these you just didn’t feel fully accepted by them. It wasn’t that often but there were times when one of them would show up a little later or wait for everyone at the meeting point and ask you if they could have a little talk without you.
At first you didn’t mind, the request not too strange to you since you were the new one after all, the inofficial friend so to speak. But even after time went on you somehow remained the odd one out, the one to get asked to leave, most commonly by Josuke, so the guys could talk about… something.
Arriving back at your classroom you glanced around but ended up beelining for the windows, nibbling at your lunch that suddenly lost its flavour. Not like the room was empty but in all honesty you hadn’t really befriended other people from your class, occasionally holding a conversation but they never got too personal or reached beyond discussions revolving around a group project for a class. The ones you actually considered your friends were the three boys that were lost deep in conversation, their flashy looks easily spotted from your place by the window. Part of you wondered if they knew that your group’s lunch spot was right underneath Okuyasu’s and your classroom.
You didn’t mean to spy but ended up watching them the whole time, chewing a bite way too long as you faintly heard Okuyasu laugh even at this distance, not ready to admit to yourself how long your eyes would linger on him, and saw him patting Josuke’s back while the shortest of the group held his fists in front of his chest, looking about ready to take on the world. It seemed like something was up, something important just got discussed, but after unsuccessfully asking your dear classmate about it once before a few weeks ago and watching his beady eyes dart around the room as he stumbled over his words to come up with what sounded like an excuse you had given up on finding out the topics of their secret meeting.
And as the bell rung, announcing that the lunch break was over, Okuyasu didn’t return to class, leaving you without your backrow buddy to distract you from this unease that had been building, without your notes that you needed to prepare for the test and with a heavy heart as you glanced at his school bag sitting untouched next to his table. The warmth you’d usually feel when thinking about him began to cool down and spread ever so slowly until you ended up rubbing your arms to warm up without realizing it.
After a few more days your gut told you that it was you they were talking about.
Of course you deemed it crazy thinking at first, another one of your spirals about to be let loose and make you miserable if you weren’t careful, even though you were at the happiest you could be. Those three boys always treated you like a friend after all, teasing you within your comfort zone just like they’d do amongst each other, challenging you in heated discussions about music genre or game scores and opening their hearts to you when they struggled with something like a bad case of bed-hair or being broke and unable to afford a game they wanted.
But you couldn’t deny that there was a certain distance that got especially noticeable whenever they had one of their private talks, something in their eyes that made it apparent to you how you were not like them. That lingering look they’d sometimes throw you, one of concern or unease, which signalled you that they didn’t fully see you as one of them. And if you had observed one thing during your school life, then it was how a surprisingly large amount of friend groups tended to have that one person which got strung along… that one friend they usually gossiped about.
These thoughts, while their escalation had been fairly recent, began festering after these discussions occurred three days in a row. And one of the reasons why they only now began to get you down was probably because they kept Okuyasu from returning to class, your mind not put at ease anymore by a goofy smile or a blunt comment about your teacher that almost had you snorting during silent study periods.
And with Okuyasu staying away from you your notes did too, slowly making the paranoid part of your brain stoke the flames of doubt. Were they scheming something? Was Okuyasu not giving your notes back on purpose? You had given them to him since he struggled with the subject but you needed them to study for the upcoming test. But then again, maybe Okuyasu really just forgot to give them back since he hadn’t been returning to class for the last three days…
Though your hope that maybe it was just an important secret between them and not a scheme against you began crumbling as you spotted them on your way home, the three of them sitting at a café, the fourth chair holding their school bags, the ones that got left behind after lunch. They must’ve fetched them after class, maybe even passing you by without noticing you…
You zoned out as you stared at the bags, oblivious to the way the three seemed to monitor their surroundings instead of chatting it up like mean girls, and like a zombie shambling towards the closest brain donor your legs made you stumble over until the surprised call of your name startled you back into reality.
It had been your classmate saying your name, his pinprick eyes trained on yours as you found your focus again. He looked… worried. Worried about getting caught doing something he shouldn’t be doing? Your mind still had some of that haze lingering around like some poisonous fog, slowly crawling up your leg to overpower reason with doubt as you quickly looked away again from the one who usually had you drawn in and staring for too long.
Your gaze flickered over to a pair of baby blue eyes overshadowed by a loaf-shaped mass of hair. Why was Josuke looking at you this concerned? Was he keeping up pretences in fear of Okuyasu slipping up? You wished your own thoughts would just stop for a second, mentally swatting at the clouds reaching up to your waist. The deafening echoing of your doubts within the fog almost made you miss Koichi’s soft inquiry. “Y/N, is everything alright? You don’t look so good…”
You cursed internally, figuring your face wanted to share with them how miserable it made you to feel excluded by the ones you had come to consider your friends. “My notes.” Your own voice surprised you, the dejection loud and clear as you stared at the tabletop, seeing three big mugs of hot chocolate topped with whipped cream. “Are ya sure yer-?” Your gaze practically leapt from Okuyasu’s half-finished mug with the dark smudge of melted chocolate in the shape of his lips to his pinprick pupils, his form shrinking as his eyes widened. Something seemed to make him recoil but you were sure it couldn’t be your gaze doing this to him… right?
“Yes, I am very sure that I want my notes back two days before the test! But if you really don’t care enough about what I asked of you to return them to me there’s nothing I can do about it anyways!”
As soon as the words were spoken you stared at your kind classmate in shock, your hand flying to your mouth as if that could take the words back, but you already said them. Since when was your tone this sharp when you spoke with Okuyasu? What made you accuse him of not caring about what you asked of him after he had been so kind to you? How could you say something like that to the one who scrambled for words as soon as he noticed that he had said something unintentionally rude to you?
But the three of them excluded you, met behind your back!
“Whoa there, Y/N, what’s gotten into you? We are kind of busy right now but if you want to talk-“ Josuke, ever the one to try and resolve your issues, nervously looked around as if checking if anyone listened in on you, making his genuine words sound so fake to your ears as they were heating up in… anger? Or was it shame?
“Forget about it.” Humiliation. That was what you felt as you stormed off, realizing how you made a scene over your own stupid mind making a big deal out of private discussions and a few pages of silly notes.
You ignored the shout of your name by that familiar, raspy voice, the worry certainly sounding wrong after you had grown used to it being filled with humour or wonder. Your eyes began to sting when another familiar voice, one that would usually carry kindness and mischief when it wasn’t complaining, called for your classmate to cut it out and sit back down. Your feet began to pick up their speed and turn your walk into a run when the third voice, that used to hold uncertainty but also determination after receiving a pick-me-up by the pompadoured boy, said, loud and clear for you to hear, that this was probably for the best.
You weren’t sure what hurt more, the embarrassment of your mind getting the better of you or the pain from your so-called friends considering it for the best that you were leaving.
The sun was already setting by the time you finished your homework, leaving you laying on your bed and staring up in a pair of baggy sweatpants and an old shirt. A conic stripe that stretched from the top of your window across the otherwise white surface of your ceiling was died in various shades of yellow, orange and red. Although the sunset was supposed to look the same all over the world for some reason you could’ve sworn that it looked way different in Morioh than it did anywhere else. The colors just looked so vibrant, even after your embarrassing outburst made everything appear dull and somber whenever you failed to distract yourself.
They must hate you after you had been so rude to them.
And it wasn’t even the first time your mind turned Okuyasu into something he simply wasn’t, your outburst at him unforgivable. After all you knew better than to think he’d maliciously keep your notes to himself. You knew better than to assume that Josuke was a two-faced bully. You knew better than to picture Koichi as anything other than someone who cherished his friends with the intention of become someone to rely on instead of the one to always rely on others.
Once again you felt this stupid sting in your eyes, telling yourself they were angry tears as those offensive drops of saltwater ran down the side of your face, tickling the shells of your ears and making you rub at the wet trails in annoyance. At first you had cried on your way home out of shame and humiliation. Then for a short amount of time a fresh wave of tears arrived as you succumbed to feelings of betrayal and self-pity before shutting that down as soon as you realized the audacity of your own thoughts.
What ultimately remained though was regret. Regret and fear that you might’ve ruined something good, a budding friendship with three extraordinary people. You saw each of their faces in your mind but to your annoyance more tears spilled as your thoughts lingered on one face in particular, your lips pulling back into a toothy grimace as you groaned lowly. You didn’t want to lose any of them but the simple thought of the delinquent-looking boy with a genuine and sweet heart truly hurt the most, to imagine that from now on he might not even want to associate with you after you had been so unfair and rude to him.
After wiping at your itchy cheeks you flung your fists back onto the bed, though the muffled ‘oompf’ you expected upon impact with the soft mattress got replaced by a soft, yet harsh ‘twack’.
Huh, strange.
Lifting your head you glanced at where your firsts rested, seeing nothing but your blanket and leaving you pulling a blank as your head fell back onto the soft planes of your bed.
Another ‘twack’, though now you could tell that it didn’t come from your bed, especially when a third one followed quickly behind. Sitting up in confusion you could could’ve sworn a shadow appeared by your window before for a second, curiously crawling over to the foot of your bed so you could have a look outside.
By the time you were leaning precariously towards your window with your neck stretched to catch a glimpse of the outside something small launched itself at the glass panes, almost leading to you losing your balance and performing some neck-breaking drunk yoga, squished between the bedframe and your desk. Luckily for you one of your hands grasped the windowsill just in time, allowing you to pull yourself up as you got off the bed and looked out your window.
With what must’ve been the fifth ‘twack’ you finally pieced the puzzle together as you saw a small pebble hit your window, your squinted eyes first looking at the place of impact before looking down onto the street to spot no other than the baggy-panted, dollar sign-chested, delinquent looking Okuyasu Nijimura himself, about to throw another little rock at your window before seemingly spotting and waving at you.
Your face paled at the sight of him, your stomach dropping and your blood seemingly running cold. But it wasn’t because you saw the guy you had emotionally ripped to shreds, if you could believe the description of your actions, curtesy of your internal narrator. No, instead you felt this wave of distress since there was definitely something dark and red staining the side of his face, something that distinctly looked like blood, maybe already dried but still… judging by how you could see it from this distance it must’ve been a considerable amount too.
Before waiting another second you raced downstairs, even forgetting to put on any shoes first before running out the front door, a strange sense of déjà vu hitting you as you almost failed to come to a stop in front of him. Your hands shot out to grasp his shoulders, only making Okuyasu stumble back a step as you luckily managed to come to a halt after all. But instead of apologizing for it you clung to his uniform, pulling him closer until you were face to face so your puffy, red eyes could sternly investigate what indeed turned out to be a considerable amount of dried blood, originating from somewhere underneath his small bump of a pompadour and trailing down his face past the outer corner of his left eyebrow.
“Oku, what happened to you!?” Your concern easily made you forget about the way you blew up into his face earlier, as well as the way your noses almost touched as you searched his face for more injuries. “Why are you bleeding? Did you get run over?” Hopefully he didn’t actually walk onto a road without checking for upcoming traffic, something you secretly had feared after having witnessed an almost accident with him and an overlooked traffic light.
“EHH Y-Y/N?! WHA-WHA- WHAT’RE YA-?!” He ended up flailing his arms like an uncoordinated dancer trying to do the Vogue-hand dance from the Madonna music video you recently saw on an American music television channel, and if that wasn’t ridiculous enough he ended up backing away from you on his tippy toes. It perplexed you long enough to forget fretting over his wellbeing, though you were remotely aware that one could not move like that after getting hit by a car.
“Okuyasu what-?” You watched him scratch his cheek and only as he pulled his hand back and saw the scratched off flakes of dried blood underneath his nail did the situation seemed to click for him.
“Oh that? We… uh… I mean I- Don’t worry ‘bout it! Josuke already healed- I mean he already looked after- Actually it’s jus’ a scratch!” You didn’t believe that a scratch could cause this much blood sticking to one’s face but you had to admit that he didn’t look like he was in pain and judging by his… mobility there didn’t seem to be anything you’d consider a severe injury. Still, why was he being so weird about responding? And why was he here?
Without knowing how to reply you stared at the baffling sight before you, watching Okuyasu straighten his back again as he studied your face. Though what he saw clearly seemed to upset him, the way his bloody sight had upset you before, only that instead of frantically approaching you to bombard you with questions he ended up slumping his shoulders, his expression once more caught up in a mix between guilt and concern as he focused on your eyes.
As you two ended up staring at each other in silence it was Okuyasu who snapped out of it first, reaching behind him to reveal some rolled up paper, offering it up to you while avoiding eye contact as his other hand rested on the back of his neck. This only confused you further but once you took the cylindrical shape and unrolled it your own writing greeted you. Your notes.
“Ya know… With everythin’ goin’ on I completely forgot ya notes at home and… since ya were so upset I wanted to make sure to bring ‘em over today. I came here right after I got home too… And… uh… ‘m really sorry, Y/N.” He seemed to shrink with each word as if the guilt was physically weighting him down, the sight alone shattering your heart and reviving the shame and guilt you felt as if it were Frankenstein’s monster during a stormy night.
“Anyway, I get if yer still mad at me but I really forgot and… even if I could’ve chased after ya the notes would’ve still been at my place…” He looked like he was about ready to leave, turning around to head back home as he mumbled his goodbye with a hopeful, “See ya tomorrow?”, that finally made you snap out of your flurry of emotions long enough to reach for his sleeve.
“Wait a moment. I… Can I offer you some tea? As thank you for walking all the way over here just to bring me my notes?” This wasn’t exactly what you wanted to say but it was the right thing to keep your classmate from leaving, his beady eyes darting from his shoes to you to your home and back to you, hesitantly nodding his head in agreement but seemingly still caught up in his own guilt.
Only when you had two mugs of freshly brewed tea on the table along with a few tea snacks did Okuyasu finally relax, his rueful expression having turned into one of bliss as he munched on a sweet treat, a few crumbs lingering on his bottom lip but your own regrets didn’t allow you to let your gaze linger there, no matter how much you’d want to do so under different circumstances. After all you were the one in the wrong all along, projecting your own insecurities onto him and accusing him of things that simply weren’t true. Before you knew it a heavy sigh passed your lips, stopping Okuyasu as he was about to bite into another snack, his mouth remaining open wide for a moment as two pinprick pupils flickered from the treat to you.
The air seemed to turn awkward within the blink of an eye, although you were fairly sure by now that he wasn’t even aware of how it wasn’t because you were mad at him but rather because you were mad at yourself. Before he got tempted into apologizing again or trying to leave you decided to face the music, once more finding yourself with your head bowed in front of the one you so desperately wanted to call your friend.
“I want to sincerely apologize for the things I said to you today, Okuyasu. And before you say that it was your fault – don’t. I was the one who was rude to you. I was the one who accused you of ill intentions even though I know better after we’ve been sitting next to each other in class since day one. I…” Those damned tears stealthily returned but you kept your head down, knowing that Okuyasu wouldn’t judge… but you were still ashamed to continue. “…I was the one who, instead of reaching out like you guys told me to do, ended up in a mental spiral again, thinking that you guys excluded me from your meet-ups during lunch because you didn’t like to have me around anymore. I was so stupid to think you were… were making fun of me behind my back. But I know you’d never do that!”
You were too nervous to risk a glance up at him as you wiped at your cheeks, keeping your head bowed as you kept forcing the words out before your throat would close up. “I guess I- I felt so insecure and… so alone when you never returned to class. And since the test was approaching so quickly I got more nervous and then I saw you three having hot chocolate without me and… and… I’m so so sorry, Okuyasu!” With no option to fight the snot except for sniffling you accepted defeat, even if you must’ve been a very pitiful sight after admitting to him how you got mad at him for nothing while sniffling and crying like a child.
“I get if you can’t… stand being friends with someone as silly as me but I- I really wanna be friends with you. All of you. I’ll promise to never worry about your private discussions too so-!”
Your whiny ramble got interrupted by a surprisingly large hand on your shoulder, stunning you into silence and freezing you in place, not quite understanding why it had landed there and why Okuyasu wasn’t freaking out or simply blowing off on you too for being such a pitiful eyesore.
The hand gave your shoulder a gentle squeeze, the sensation followed up by an uncharacteristically gentle call of your name by that unique voice of his, your head barely moving as you looked up at Okuyasu through your lashes. Your throat felt like it was constricting but weirdly enough it wasn’t because of the need to cry. Could the sincerity in his eyes be the reason you had trouble breathing? “Don’t cry…”
He did seem unsure on how to react to your crying but against your expectations he didn’t freak out. And to be honest, it was oddly calming to see him like this, his eyes finally not guilty or helpless but rather filled with understanding as he kept his firm, reassuring hold on your shoulder.
“I didn’t know ya felt this lonely. I swear that was not our intention we just… had to take care of things. I can’t tell ya ‘bout it tho… and I wouldn’t know how to, Josuke’s way better at stuff like that.” His voice slowly trailed off, making you wonder what he meant by what he just said but you couldn’t find it in you to ask. And yet he seemed aware of your unspoken question, his face easily telling on how many cogs were turning in his head to try and rid you of the confusion anyways. “All I can tell ya is that cuz of these things we gotta deal with we end up getting into a brawl from time to time. And that’s where the blood’s from too. But I swear we’ll always be the one whooping ass and not the other way ‘round!”
Okuyasu flashed you a lopsided grin, finally oozing the confidence he usually had when talking about a brawl he won, making you wonder how he still hadn’t gotten at least one of his pearly whites knocked out yet. “We jus’ had to deal with a sta-… a bad guy who caused trouble around that café where you saw us. So that was work today… But next time we go for fun we’ll take ya! My treat!”
God, the way he smiled at you as he invited you out with the others really had your heart skipping a beat, making you one hundred percent more aware of how puffy and swollen your face looked, not including the ugly tear tracks and snot bubbles that may or may not linger around your nostrils. What an absolute nightmare… but why did you still smile back at the precious guy sitting across from you?
You quickly got up, clearing your nose with a tissue and throwing it away before reaching for a small towel from within a cupboard, wetting it and returning to the table. You stood next to a still smiling Okuyasu, his eyebrows quirking up in question but you just shrugged before dabbing at the blood. “Just because I’ll let you get away with claiming it’s just a scratch that doesn’t mean I will stand you looking like you’ve just gotten into an accident.” He seemed bewildered by your reply, not really trying to stop you so you kept going until the blood was finally gone from his face, even gently dragging the towel down his side one last time despite there being nothing to wipe off anymore. And as it lingered at his chin your eyes lit up, your head tilting to the side.
“Since you finally look more presentable, how about you stay over for dinner? My family wouldn’t mind and… until dinner’s ready we could go over my notes together? Since you’ve been busy these last few days we might as well study together for the test today…” His facial muscles seemed unsure about whether he should show his disbelief or excitement upon processing your invitation, the first thing leaving his lips being a question of whether you were sure about the offer.
“Of course I am! That’s… what friends do, right?” Your face was growing awfully hot and your gut felt like small summer fireworks were fizzing to life, the both of you caught up in wide grins as all he did was repeat those wonderful four words back to you.
“That’s what friends do!”