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They were in a grocery store.
Never a good sign.
Anyways, Techno was teamed up with Eret, Wilbur, Tubbo, Schlatt, Tommy, Phil, and Ranboo. As if they were all mature enough to watch over all three of the chaotic children together. It wasn’t like Purpled wasn’t chaotic enough, it was just that normally he used to keep himself under control. On top of that, they had Wilbur and Schlatt and that was brilliant, too.
If only we had Dream and the Hunters with us. Then we’d have all the chaos in one controlled area, Techno mused with a soft smile as he looked over the hair dyes sitting on the shelves. “What do you think, Techno? Should we dye your hair pink?” Eret joked, holding up a bottle of Arctic Fox hair dye. Leaning in, Techno squinted at the name.
“Virgin Pink? What is that—what’s the difference between—” He glanced down at the other pink he had in his hand. “Electric Paradise?”
“Hey, Tech, we should have you dye your hair this colour.” Tommy held up a bottle of angry red aptly named “Wrath”. Wrinkling his nose, Techno set the bottle in his hand back on the shelf.
“Nah, that’s more accurate for you.” Techno fired back. Boisterously laughing, Tommy showed off some more colours to the others.
“I got boulders on my shoulders,
Collar bones begin to crack,”
Staticy music drifted down from the Walmart speakers, and Techno glanced up at the camera and then looked to Ranboo and Eret. “Should we mess with the people in the camera room? Give them something fun to look at?” Schlatt looked up at the camera, paused for a few seconds, and then just…started dancing. Beside him, Tubbo was doing the same.
Phil walked in from down the aisle and paused, closing his eyes and taking a long breath. “Tubbo, Schlatt, why are you two doing the macarena in the middle of the hair dyes?”
“It’s fun!” Tubbo said, adding, “Come join us!” Phil paused and then let out a long sigh, wings fluffing out slightly. Then, he walked over, reached past Wilbur, and grabbed some green dye. When everyone stared at him blankly, even Tubbo and Schlatt pausing in their dance, he let out another long-suffering sigh.
“Subscribers want it. It’s for the next Hardcore series, they want me to see how long it sticks around until it washes out.” He explained.
Late night grocery store trips were great, especially when Techno had no clue what the heck they were looking for.
“Ooh, Tubbo, we should check out the Lego section with Ranboo. Come on!” Dragging the lanky young man after them, Tommy and Tubbo disappeared into the store with a few excited cackles. Techno watched them for a moment, then turned back to Eret and noticed the price tag on the dyes.
Whistling lowly, he glanced over and asked, “Can’t we buy these cheaper at Hot Topic?” Eret glanced over the dyes, then shrugged.
“Probably. But Hot Topic is closed.”
“They have online orders.”
Pausing, Eret lifted their sunglasses and glanced at him. Blinking a few times, she pulled out her phone and looked up exactly what Techno had been talking about. “Oh. You’re right. Phil, put that stuff back. We’re buying these online we can get like five bottles for the price of tw—ooooh they have a deal!” Phil nodded and he and Schlatt started returning the dyes to the shelf.
Techno, meanwhile, jumped into the cart. When Phil turned back to find him with his legs kicked over one side as he sprawled across the floor of the cart with their current groceries around him like a child, the blond frowned. “Techno—”
“Phil.”
“Technoblade.”
“Ph1lzA.”
Sighing, Phil tipped his head back. Schlatt jumped in, saving both of them. “Don’t worry, Philly, I can push Technobaby.”
“Schlatt I will impale you.”
Laughing, Schlatt shoved at the cart, pushing it easily despite the new addition of a 6 foot-plus adult man in it. “Sure you will. Next time, I’m in the cart, and you’re pushing me around. Deal?”
“Only if we never let Tommy in.”
“Yes.”
Phil and Eret exchanged a glance between one another and laughed as they followed Schlatt and Techno into the Lego aisle. They did have to make sure the kids didn’t cause too much trouble, after all.
When they got there, they found some Karen and her husband chatting shit at the kids.
Immediately, Techno knew he was going to be going to jail that day. The Karen herself wasn’t that bad, but a Karen in a Walmart was a Karen in an unusual habitat. She would still act normally. Her husband, however, was more aggressive than usual, as Kyles/Chads/Kens/Franks/whatever the male version of a Karen was often were. He was in Ranboo’s face, and the young man was cowering back while literally just holding some Lego set from a show that Tommy and Tubbo had watched when they were younger and they’d been showing him lately because he “did not have a good childhood”.
And the moment Techno saw this man threatening their kids, he would not stand for that.
But when he heard what the guy was saying. Oh, oh that was just even more reasoning for him to go on the attack. Whatever it was, Techno wasn’t sure, but Eret stepped in to try and deescalate and then the man said a slur to him about his dress. The next thing Techno knew his vision had gone red.
Grabbing onto the edge of the cart, Techno threw his legs over the edge of the cart and stormed over. The man was maybe his height, about twice as thick around the middle, and probably thought that he could intimidate Techno into standing down. Still, Techno grabbed him by the front of the collar, yanked him close, and held his gaze for a split second.
“What?” He asked, spitting the words viciously and angrily. Behind him, Eret moved between the pair and the kids, eyes narrowed and hands out almost protectively. As if they expected him to hurt them. There was no chance that he would by any means, but still.
Eyes narrowing, the man looked at him. “You heard me.” He repeated the word, and Techno sucked in a long, slow breath. “What are you going to do about it, punch me?”
A grin started to pull at Techno’s mouth, and he dropped one fist to swing it up.
+++
“I still can’t believe you did that, Techno.”
Glancing over at him, Techno smiled and then handed him one of the bricks, and Ranboo smiled. The grin pulled at the sore edge of his jaw, where a dark purple bruise marred his skin. Still, he did it anyways. “Of course I did. I will protect everyone and anyone.”
“Guys!” Walking in the room, Eret paused with Tubbo on either side of the doorframe. Tommy was curled on the couch, playing video games as Schlatt sat beside him reading a book about a corrupt landlord who kept walking into his tenants’ apartments to beat them up according to a clause he’d snuck into their agreements only to find out that he was accidentally fighting crime every time. Both of them glanced up. Sharing a glance, Tubbo and Eret grinned at each other, then gestured with green-stained hands to the hallway as someone entered into the living room. “Behold…Philza Minecraft!”
Phil walked into the room, nose wrinkled. Still-damp green hair hung down in front of his face, one strand right across his nose. When Eret and Tubbo looked at him expectantly, he sighed and then did a little spin around. It didn’t have any extra effects—he wasn’t wearing a skirt or anything, nor did he have his usual olive green trench coat on, but it was something. “Whoo!” Tubbo and Eret did the double high-five, grinning the whole time. Striding over to the couch, Phil dropped down beside them and then let out a long-suffering sigh.
It’d been a good day.