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Some nights when the breeze is cold and stings the nose just right Izuku is reminded of cold nights cuddled on the porch, hands intertwined and heads full of cotton candy clouds.
Other nights when the cicadas chirp too loud and the ground feels soft and malleable from rain Izuku hears the crashing of plates and the cutting of irreplaceable words.
For Izuku these memories come and go like the rythmic ebbing of the sea. No matter how fine Izuku is there will always be a night where his heart burns a little more and his eyes sting from somthing other than brisk wind. But unlike the ebbing of the sea Izuku always feels a want. A want for change, maybe, a want for the past. He's not sure...but there is a want gnawing at his soul scratching and clawing at his persistent "I'm okay guys". Laughing at the bags under his eyes goading him to just give in.
Izuku is resigned to want. He's wanted many things in life and has been blessed with more. So wanting is okay. Wanting is fine.
Izuku wants and want and wants. He wants to forgive him. He wants to tell him he loves him. He wants to yell and scream to the world that he DOESN'T CARE.
But that would be a lie.
For all he wants Izuku also knows. He knew it was over when he stopped coming home early. When dinner sat cold on the table full of extra spice that would be left uneaten. Izuku knew when his smell left. Their bed they had shared for years, full of lumpy pillows that they playfully argued over who would have to use that night stayed steadily on his side. Taunting izuku with their misshapen bumps. Izuku knew.
But he really, truly, resigned when he saw him smile. The same smile Izuku had cherished and carried in his heart.
God that smile it was so...
Nonetheless Izuku wanted but more than anything he knew. He knew that days full of laughter and soft smiles were long over. He knew passionate arguments that eneded in tired hugs and kind reminders of love were gone. He knew his strawberry field was not forever. His cotton candy clouds have dissolved and his ocean has gone still. Yet his want won't ever really die.