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Kerry woke up to an empty space beside him, which instantly clued him in that something was amiss. When he had fallen asleep earlier there had been another man with him, wrapped up in his arms and held close. Now all that was there were rumpled sheets that weren't even warm anymore, meaning V had been up for a while at this point. Kerry sat up, looking around the room for the merc.
He spotted him quickly. V was standing by the windows, staring out over the mansion's grounds. Pale moonlight illuminated him, and he could see the far off look on V's face. Kerry felt worry settle in his gut, softly calling out to him "V? Are you okay?"
V jumped, startled by the sudden noise. He looked over to the bed, meeting Kerry's gaze. "Yeah, I'm fine, just….. having a hard time sleeping." Was his reply. Kerry noticed a slight edge to his voice that only made his concern grow.
Pushing the blankets off of himself, Kerry stood and made his way over to stand next to V, who just went back to looking out the window. "Do you want something? I think I have some sleeping pills in the bathroom somewhere." He offered. He took one of his hands and laced their fingers together, which allowed him to feel the way V was trembling. Kerry frowned. "You're shaking, baby, are you sure you're okay?"
V sighed, his eyes falling shut for a moment before he turned to meet his boyfriend's concerned gaze. "I've just… been having real bad nightmares since this whole thing with Johnny started. They're usually pretty bad, with me dying you know." He paused, swallowed hard as he dropped his eyes to stare at their linked hands. "But this time Jackie was there. He blamed me for him dying and said this is what I deserved for not protecting him. And it's stupid because I know that's bullshit but…."
He didn't finish his thought, but he didn't have to. Kerry understood. "You feel that way." He said, V nodding in agreement. It made his chest ache, knowing V was suffering and there wasn't a thing he could do about it. All he could do was try and give him a place to get away from it, keep him busy so he didn't have much time to dwell on the awful thoughts swirling in his brain.
"I didn't even get time to really mourn, you know." V continued, still not making eye contact. Like he was trying to hide his face. "There's no grave to visit and there was no funeral either. Fucking Arasaka showed up to the place I sent his body and took him. God knows what those fuckers did to him." Bitterness seeped into his tone, his free hand balling into a fist. "Misty, Mama Welles. None of us got to say goodbye."
Kerry knew that feeling well, having almost the same experience with Johnny. He knew the pain, the deep ache that settled in your guts like a rock and never seemed to go away no matter how much time passed. "I'm sorry, Vince " He said softly, the words feeling weak and insufficient.
V shrugged and turned his face back towards the window. "It's whatever. Nothing we can do anyway." He laughed then, the sound devoid of any actual amusement. "I'll probably get to see him very soon if I can't get this fucking chip out of my head. Sometimes I wonder if it's even worth all the effort I put into it."
Kerry felt uneasiness wash over him at the thought of V's death. He knew if they didn't find a way to get Johnny out it would happen, but Kerry liked to try and pretend it didn't even exist. "V….."
"Maybe I should just give up and let him take me over. Or put a fucking bullet in my brain."
"V!" Kerry said, more sternly this time. It finally got V to stop, a look of guilt passing across his features.
He sighed "I'm… sorry. I shouldn't talk like that, I know. It's just-"
Kerry stopped him by pressing a finger to his lips. "Shh, I know. It's okay." He let his hand fall away from his face, instead wrapping his arms around V, pulling him close. V buried his face in the crook of Kerry's neck, his hot breath washing over the bare skin of the rockerboy's shoulder. They held each other tight, V's body shaking as he finally let tears spill. He hadn't given himself a chance, throwing himself head first into working on finding a way to save his life once he was able to comfortably get out of bed. So once it started, it became impossible to stop it.
Kerry didn't care. Didn't care about the tears and snot smearing on his skin. He let him cry, softly stroking his hair while sobs wracked the mercs frame. And when it finally settled, V sniffling into his shoulder, he pressed a kiss to his temple before stepping back. V looked up at him with red eyes, wet tracks making his face glisten in the moonlight. Kerry's own face was soft as he cupped his jaw "We're gonna get this figured out okay? I'm gonna be here, right by your side, till we do." He kissed him, slow and sweet. "I'm not gonna let you do this on your own. I promise."
"And if we can't? If I'm stuck with Johnny until he kills me?" V asked, his voice still rough from crying.
Kerry sqeezed his shoulders. "Then we'll make the most out of whatever time we have left."
"I don't want to put you through that." V protested weakly. He knew Kerry was going to brush it off and insist it was okay. And he was correct.
Kerry shook his head. "Nu-uh, I don't want to hear it. I want to help you. I care about you, V." He started to lead V back towards the bed. "Now c'mon, let's get some sleep." He said, pulling him down onto the mattress with him.
V went easily, allowing his boyfriend to pull the blankets back over the both of them before he was pulled back against his chest. Here, in Kerry's arms, all the shit he'd been put through up to this point faded to the back of his mind. V let his eyes close, and not too long after did he drift back off to sleep.