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You had liked Koga since first year. His smile was blinding and your gut just told you he was the one. He would make a great idol. One you'd spend your life's earnings to hoard merch of; buy every ticket to any concert he played in, main star or not. A great friend. One who you knew you could turn to when things went sour. Who would share enthusiasm in your successes. Lend a shoulder for your failures. A great lover. Your mind tried and failed to not fantasize about that one too much.
You were in the normal programs so you only really got to see him in the morning loitering around the gates or during live shows where they allowed the normal students to watch.
He was always loudly buzzing around the front gate waiting for his dangerous looking upperclassman. Even from the shadows you could hear his loud voice plead for guitar lessons or music gigs. You thought it was cute. He put passion into everything he loved. You were sure he would do the same for his significant other. Maybe the same excitement after they cooked him his favourite meal? The same lit up eyes going out on dates? The same giddiness watching them walk down the aisle--You squashed those thoughts away again.
On stage he seemed to become a different person. Still passionate, but it was all for the show. His skin glistening with sweat and his sharp teeth flashing in the spotlights as he nailed his guitar riff. His eyes shined on stage. His entire being shined. That image of him alone would hold in your heart forever.
It was good enough until second year.
Then there was a new girl.
A producer course. One female among men to test out the course. Your jealousy may have spiked a bit. Your only solace was knowing she wasn't in his class. That took a bit to learn, between trying to sneak to the class arrangement boards that the normal course weren't typically allowed in, and asking around.
You didn't know why you were so worried anyway. From the sounds of it she was Trickstar's producer.
His demeanor had changed over spring break and he stopped coming to school following that upperclassman of his too. More often he'd walk through the gates with his hands shoved in his pockets and crowded around his classmates, grumbling or scolding someone. Other times he'd be with his other unitmate. The one in the same grade. Koga liked to smile around him, but nothing compared to the beam of light he used to flash in first year. That smile became a treasure now that his face more often wore only scowls. A treasure you would cherish knowing that she would never see it.
Valentine's day arrived and you had finally gotten the courage to confess. You had spent the whole week trying out recipes to figure out the perfect blend of bitter and sweet. Koga wouldn't like anything too sugary. You remembered in an interview he had said his nose was so powerful just the smell of sweets made his stomach toss. You wanted to be that beacon of hope on what could arguably be the worst smelling day of the year in Koga's eyes. Your daydreams while stirring the mixture consisted of Koga returning your feelings with an expression of relief. Relief that you were the one to understand him from his huge ambitions down to his allergies. Relief in you returning the feelings he had for you but hid.
You tried not to recall those daydreams while you waited at the meeting spot behind the courtyard fence where the boxed in tree sheltered a couple of benches. In your hands were a nicely ribboned bag with hearts and puppies on the outside and your genius baking on the inside.
The final bell had rung and Koga should be there soon. You went over what you would say in your head, but seeing Koga turn the corner made your chest pound and your mind wipe any semblance of coherent thought. Koga stood in front of you looking a little put out. No doubt wondering how to refuse your sweet delicacies, but you were at least ready for that curveball.
"I made you chocolates that aren't too sweet, since I know you can't handle that, so I hope you'll accept them." Your voice miraculously didn't shake, nor did your eyes waver as you held the bag out to him. Instead you locked your gaze with his to prove your sincerity. If you didn't blink he'd know how serious you were. "I've liked you since first year and if you're okay with getting to know me better I…"
Your voice finally trailed off after noticing Koga's hesitation to take the bag, biting his lip trying to not snap. You knew too he was quick to fuse, but he was also quick to put out any fires he made from exploding and genuinely caring about their feelings. It's why you liked him so much.
"Sorry," Koga muttered, lowering his hovering hands. "Nice of ya to go out of your way, but I feel like a dick takin' it and not returning your feelings. So … sorry."
"I-is there someone else?" You stuttered. Seeing Koga's eyes shift away from your inquisitive stare, the gears in your head started to turn.
You heard about an unofficial match from the whisperings of your classmates. That scary guy from the karate club fighting against Koga. As much as you didn't like violence, if Koga was involved of course you had to watch.
Your heart leapt seeing him kicked off the stage, cradling his guitar like a child. He landed on the transfer student. The one that you feared would swindle her way into his heart. Instead you saw him snapping at her and ordering her around like a slave. She wasn't responding and as much as it shamed you to think so, you were glad she wasn't fit enough to stay awake. If she was strong enough to follow Koga's orders to carry him back to the stage...You would have been strong enough.
-
You sat at the table closest to the makeshift kitchen. During sips of hot chocolate you were able to watch the members of Undead prepare drinks and simple foods behind the translucent curtain. Koga was tied up with another customer who you could smell from across the room so Adonis tended to you. The woman was grabbing at his face, corralling him into wearing a pair of thick frames. You wished you had the confidence to tease him like that. His blush up close would have warmed you more than your hot drink.
Adonis smiled gently at you while he refilled your cup, and placed your meal in front of you. You thanked him and once again turned your gaze to Koga while you ate. Equipped in cute silver frames, he fought with Hakaze at another customer's table. They bickered and Koga pushed him out of the way before kneeling down like he was proposing. Your chest tightened seeing the new producer sat at the table. Koga had his signature frown on his face, but even from the opposite side of the room, you noticed how his eyes turned tender when she finally bent down to eat the cake he held out on the fork.
-
Luck was definitely on your side. With everyone in costume it was near impossible to find Koga. It was only because of a passerby who commented on how cute he looks with his fuzzy ears~ were you able to find him in the masquerade like crowd.
Koga was dressed up as a wolf complete with grey ears that matched his hair perfectly. Like they were real and Halloween was a time where he could let them out freely. He was handing out treats to advertise his unit like all the other idols of Yumenosaki, and when you finally reached him after weaving and darting through the throng of other customers, he only had one left.
"Looks like it's your lucky day," he teased, giving a crooked fang flashing smile as he placed the bag of cookies in your hand. "Make sure to cheer for Undead tonight. We'll shake ya to your core."
You thanked him, trying not to faint at the knowledge that you brushed hands while he gave you the bag. Tried to keep it together when he smiled as he waved goodbye before turning to be swallowed by the crowd. Tried to not notice the same red cape he saw running across the large arch that stood as the entrance to the school.
Tried not to think that they seemed well coordinated for a night where you were free to be anything, anyone. Little red riding hood running away while the wolf used all his energy to catch her.
-
As a second year student, the annual school excursion you took with classmates approached. It was exciting to shop and play and learn new things from a different town you've never seen. You only wish you could have gone to Kyoto with the idol course students instead.
Gazing out the third floor window into the courtyard you see the idol class gathered by the gates. Your class had beat them back to school. There was no point watching them so intensely. You already knew Undead and Switch hadn't gone. Some live they decided to participate in instead. It was for the better then, that your class didn't join them in Kyoto. Koga wouldn't have been there anyway.
Koga wouldn't have been there, but why then were him and that producer suddenly so chummy?
In the days after when you caught glimpses of him in the courtyard from the window, at the school gates, in those rare times regular students were sent to the idol building. They weren't hanging off each other like a couple would, but there was a strange air between them. A smile a little less guarded. A hand on a bicep after a trip. An unconscious hair ruffle that took both by surprise. All normal things that friends would do.
So they were friends, huh?
Now you truly understood. She might not have been able to see Koga's iridescent smile, but she had no doubt seen many sides to him that you were never able. Sides that he didn't show the public. The ones that stayed behind closed doors, in empty hallways. The ones meant for when you're alone with the one you cherish.
You shook your head to clear it, to stop the gears from continuing the film you no longer wanted to see. You didn't need to know the ending. Didn't need to know just how tender he was with his partner.
"I'd still like you to accept this. Thank you for being an idol to look up to and...thanks for agreeing to see me." You tried to put on your best smile. One that he would remember forever. "I really loved you, Koga."
Before he could say anything more you hopped away with an energetic wave, playing the heartbreak off with false happiness. You couldn't help it though, you glanced back when you were just out of sight to see Koga staring at the ground clutching the bag of chocolates you had given him. Her sympathetically patting his head.
The tears you had fought to hold back started to bubble and you quickly turned the corner to let them fall, unnoticed.