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"FORWARD!!"
The loud roar of the commander still rang in your ears and gave you a sense of duty and confidence for your first mission beyond the walls. An hour had passed since then, and so far, all had gone according to plan. Flares shot up on all sides around your group, signaling for your uncle to lead you all in a different direction.
On the horizon you saw an array of dark green trees forming the line of a dense forest. Anxiety filled your heart as you remembered the plan you were sworn to stick to, even in the face of death.
"Uncle Erwin!?" You shouted up to the commander from your horse behind him. The whistling wind made your soft voice just barely audible. "Commander!?" You tried again. He heard you this time, letting out a loud grunt of acknowledgment.
"Isn't that it, uncle? The forest!?" You yelled. His eyes widened, and he rose one stern hand in the air, signaling Levi and the others behind you.
"Hey! Slow, everyone! Slow!" Erwin growled over the wind, and everyone's horses cried out, screeching to a halt before beginning to gallop again, but at a steadier, slow pace. Your horse rode up beside his, snorting excitedly. "Thank you, dear. I wasn't focused." You nodded to him, a small frown tugging at the corners of your lips.
"Uncle Erwin, this is probably the worst time to be unfocused." You gazed at him with concern. “You're not usually like this... are you still thinking about it?" He did not reply, but merely looked away from you. “You need to stop that, it's gonna get you killed."
"Hmpf, you just worry about your own life, (Y/N)." You pouted at his harsh tone. "I'm sorry, please don't be upset... I need you one hundred percent focused today. I can't have you getting killed because you're not paying attention."
"The same goes for you."
"(Y/N)...." He warned with a voice resembling like a mother scolding her child. He looked to the side into your eyes once again and sighed. "You look so much like your mother when you pout," he said softly, before turning his focus back to the ground in front of him. You looked ahead as well, your eyes feeling a tad glossy all of a sudden.
"Uncle Erwin..."
"I never should've brought you. Never should've let you join the scouts in the first place. I told myself I wouldn't but-"
"Please, don't start this again. It was my choice so you don't have to feel bad about it." He only shook his head and your mounts sped up a bit.
"I promised your grandmother that I'd take care of my little sister and I let her down. Now I've promised your mother I'd keep you safe and look where we are. I can't fail again." You were glad you and your uncle were riding a bit apart from the group. He never would’ve spoken like this with anyone else but you in hearing distance.
"Erwin, that wasn't your fault. She died serving humanity and she fought until the very end. No one could help her." You made sure he looked straight into your eyes while you said these words of validation. He still felt guilty about your mother's death and he just wouldn't let it go. It wasn't his fault that her 3DMG broke unexpectedly. He wasn't even in Trost until it was too late, but he wouldn't move on.
"I just don't feel comfortable with letting you out of my sight in titan territory."
"It’ll be ok... I'll be with Levi's squad. You said yourself that that's the safest place for me." You prepared to branch off with Levi, Eren, Petra and the others as you entered the forest at last. Once you reached the trees, you wouldn't see your uncle until the journey back to the wall.
"No, the safest place for you would be behind wall Sina where you're supposed to be."
"Uncle Erwin..." a tear threatened to fall from the corner of your eye, "I had to join the scouts... I had to come with you... You're the only family I have left." It rolled rebelliously down your cheek. His expression contorted into one of restrained pain and grief.
"(Y/N)..."
"Don't worry, Erwin. I'll come back. I'll be ok. I'll stay safe and I won't die... I promise. I have the will to live and I feel it. I'll fight for you and for humanity. I know I'm the only family you have left, too." His composure wavered for just a fraction of a second, and he refused to look at you any longer.
The truth is, you would've joined the scouts even if your mother was still alive.Your Uncle was already your role model growing up, but when she was murdered, taken away from you, you decided for sure that you needed to cling to the only love you had left, and that was Erwin. You had lived with him and the scouts ever since you finished training in the 104th cadet corps.
"Prepare to split!" He raised his flare gun in the air and shot it, plugging his ear with his free hand as the blast rang out. It was a golden flare, different then all the others, signaling that once the split was over, on the other side of the forest were the ruins of an old city that was destroyed when the titans took wall Maria. This was were they would make camp for the night.
Your steed whinnied as you pulled its reins to find your place behind Levi's horse.
"I'm here, Captain!" You called out and Levi nodded, taking your squad ahead. Eren rode close to your side, making you feel kind of uncomfortable. You looked back at your Uncle. He mouthed the three loving words that you knew he was too proud to say out loud, but he knew you needed to hear. You nodded and turned forward as his group of scouts disappeared from sight.
~
Beautiful, giant trees surrounded and loomed over you. You had never been past wall Rose into Maria, and after Trost you certainly didn't think you'd ever see it.
It was fine as far as these missions went. A quiet ride with no titan interference so far. Levi rode along quickly in front silently. You could sense fatigue in your horse, but she trudged on dutifully. You had now fallen behind Eld and Petra, and your horse was uncomfortably close to Eren Jeager's once again.
He looked over to you, a look of determination lining his features. He loosened up a bit though when he noticed you looking at him.
"This is crazy, huh? You nervous?" He grinned. You didn't answer, but merely looked down at your hands tangled in the horse's ebony mane. You didn't know what to say to him, or how to answer that.
To be honest, the thing that made you the most nervous was him. After the events at Trost, even though he had proven his loyalty to humanity, he still didn't know how to control his new abilities very well and you weren't sure if you were alright with that. You saw him in his titan form stomping through Trost destroying other titans like it was child's play... You still had nightmares about it all.
After watching your mother perish in Trost while you and the other cadets escaped, you were very uncertain about having a titan anywhere near you. And that's what Eren Jeager was to you: a titan. He was a ticking time bomb of anger that could turn into a fifteen meter killing machine and that scared you to death.
You didn't want to be rude to him, though. You were never really friends as cadets but you’d seen him around and knew he was a good kid. He was decent at sparring and moved well in his 3DMG. You saw his trial and he was obviously determined to help, but having him next to you made you uneasy. Titans made your bones shake. Titans ruined your life. Titans took your parents away from you, and Eren's presence made you feel like breaking down into an emotional fit.
"Miss?" When you didn't answer he became concerned. "Uh, Miss... Smith?
"(L/N)..." you corrected him, now shaken out of your trance.
"Oh, yeah sorry. I just thought since you were the Commander's niece..."
"His sister was my mom. She got married, s-so I have my father's surname. Y-you can just call me (Y/N) though."
"Yeah... (Y/N)" he looked up, remembering the past,"Oh yeah! I remember you! We've never really talked much, huh? I remember you handing Jean's ass to him that one day though, so you're welcome to be my pal any day!" He smirked mischievously.
"Haha, y-yeah." You laughed anxiously. You just wanted to get away from him, and quickly.
"Hey, brats!" Levi hollered from the front, "Shut up! Enough chat back there unless you wanna earn us some unwanted attention!”
You instantly sat up straight and alerted at the sound of his voice. Eren looked over at you, chuckled in slight embarrassment, then rode ahead.
A few silent minutes passed, and you were beginning to get a bit antsy. Fidgeting around in the saddle, you wondered why there were no titan encounters yet.
"The end of the forest is just ahead," Levi stated calmly. "Be on your guard. The ruins of that old town should be just beyond as the Commander said and after that, an even bigger abandoned city. Place could be crawling with titans."
His last words made your skin crawl. Again, you weren't in this for revenge on the titans. You weren't looking to beat other scouts’ kill count or build a reputation as a famous titan slayer, either. You just wanted to do something to aid humanity, and stay close to Erwin. If he was gonna die out here, you wanted to go with him. Trost had scarred you for life, and you never wanted to encounter another titan again. Of course, you knew that would be impossible out here.
"Follow Levi's orders, no matter what," you whispered to yourself, repeating the words your uncle had burned into your brain at least fifty times before the expedition. You looked down at your trembling hands as your mare followed the others and exited the forest.
Eren took notice, looking over with worried eyes.
"You alright?!" He yelled.
"Left!" Your horse abruptly galloped and hesitated like a rusty engine before shifting left. You gasped in terror as to your right you saw the reason you were going left. Levi shot a flare into the air.
It was a small one, maybe four meters tall, and it just walked slowly toward the group. It's hands crossed over it’s chest and held onto its shoulders tightly, and it's short messy brown hair stood out against it’s sickly pale skin. It grinned widely, staring intently at you as you lagged behind.
"Cadet! Speed up!" Levi yelled furiously, his throat rasping with the strain.
You shrieked as the titan dove for your horse, and it screeched, leaping far ahead. You joined Eren as the titan fell on its face.
"That was too close! You ok?" Eren questioned.
"Y-yeah," you panted.
"Damned things! Hey, you gotta shake that one off," he encouraged. "Just forget about it. Stay focused." You nodded shakily.
"Look, there!" Levi yelled back, pointing to his left, "Ahead and to the left, that cluster of trees leads to an open field then to an arrangement of caves just outside a city!" He pointed directly in front of him. "The city we want to camp in is way past that one in front of us! Should we get separated, avoid the left, that city is sure to be completely infested!"
"Yes, sir!" You all responded in unison.
Moments passed. Your breathing began to steady as the remains of what was once a fairly large barn passed by on your right side.
"Move!" You saw Eren's hand reach out and you flinched as he smacked the rear of your horse. It cried out wildly into the air and jerked to the left violently.
You spun around just in time to see a fifteen meter burst out of the barn, destroying its splintering red walls. Bits of wood flew everywhere and you shielded your faces as the debris showered down around you.
It chomped at the back of Eren's horse with its large teeth and a vicious, malicious smile crossed it's visage.
"Eren!" You yelled, reaching back for him.
"I'll be fine, keep going!"
"Look forward, cadet! Keep moving, Jeager's fine!" Petra yelled
Eren's horse was faster then the titan, fortunately, but it was still on your tail as Eren rejoined the rest of you.
"Captain! Should we engage!?" Petra yelled out, but before Levi could even give the order, his horse was startled by the sight of two more titans that came out from the trees beside him.
"Damn it!" His horse kicked its legs and shifted to the side, almost stumbling. "Steady, boy, steady!"
Now with two nine meter titans and the one from the barn following you on all fours, you were starting to panic. Your heart was beating so quickly you could barely think. At this rate, it seemed like you'd never get to Shingashina for Eren to repair the wall.
"Erwin..." you whispered to yourself the only name that brought you comfort. Thinking of him calmed you down a bit. Memories of him and your mother and father flashed before your eyes. You retreated into yourself, a coping mechanism you’d often resorted to.
"(Y/N)! Get outta there!" Eren called from ahead of you. You snapped out of it just in time. The three titans dove to grab you all at once, but your horse sensed the danger before you did and dashed.
"Good girl!" You stroked the mane of the black mare as she galloped on, praising her generously for picking it up where you slacked. It seemed you had finally reached the town ruins, and the sight before you made your blood run cold.
"Oh... My God..." You spoke softly.
A horde of titans wandered around the town, and just as soon as they smelled you, they saw you. Now, at least seven pairs of titanic, hungry eyes in many ugly shapes and sizes stared in your direction. Some faster ones were already in front of you, while the bulkier, slow ones waddled toward you from the sides. The horses were running out of room to run as the titans circled in.
"Aghh!" You heard Jeager cry out. A crawling titan had leapt into the air, and landed with a thud right next to Eren, sending him flying off his horse. He landed flat on his back, knocking the air out of his lungs. A deep, choking noise rose from his throat. His horse landed farther away, and with a shriek of pain and a crack of its neck, it was dead.
"Eren!" You tried to ride over to his rescue, but a nine meter blocked your path, and your horse refused to go any further, startled out of its mind and possessing far more common sense than you.
"No! No!" Eren rolled onto his side and screamed toward you. “Leave me! Don't die for me - just go!"
"No! Pick up Jeager, (Y/N)! He's essential to this mission! If he dies, everyone who dies today dies in vain!" Gunther screamed, pulling out his blades. He waited for Levi's orders. You looked back and forth, conflicted.
"Hyah!" Snapping your horse's reins, you forced it forward. Diving under the titan's clawing hands, you reached down, grabbing onto Eren's outstretched forearm. "Ugh!" You struggled to heave his weight up. "Eren, you have to help me out here!" He grabbed onto your shirt and the horse's saddle, assisting you in pulling him up. Now sitting up fully, he held on tightly to your back as you sped off toward Levi and the others again, snaking through large trunk-like legs.
Levi's horse at the lead came to a screeching halt. Now the whole group was completely surrounded. Your horse stopped abruptly, almost smashing into his.
"What do we do, sir?!" Oluo screamed in dread of the encroaching peril. Levi deftly pulled out his blades in response.
"Engage! Take 'em all down!" He growled confidently. You reached for your blades as Eren's weight pressed down on you. He leaned back, reaching for his as well. "No! Not you two! Cadets, ride into the forest!"
"Sir! We must keep Jeager with us! We can't split up!" Petra attached herself to a nearby sunken-in rooftop.
"These kids won't last two minutes in this mess it’s too concentrated! You wanna keep Jeager safe? Well I say this is the best call! Now go!" He turned to you. It was probably true, it was your first time beyond the walls and you were pretty inexperienced, other then the attack on Trost.
"Wh-What?!" You scrambled for words.
"You heard me! That's an order! Cadet (L/N), take Jeager and get the hell outta here!"
"But-!"
"It's safer this way! Erwin will kill me if anything happens to either of you! Don't make me say it again! Now ride!" He roared. You knew him well enough to be able to that tell he was losing his patience, though his emotionless expression remained the same. He sprinted off of his horse and attached to the shoulders of a fifteen-meter-tall monster. When you just sat there, your hands shaking uselessly, you felt Eren's weight press down on you once again.
"The hell are you doing?! He said go!" Eren screamed angrily in your ear, before reaching around you to snatch the reins and smacking your already jumpy horse into motion. You shrieked, holding tightly onto Eren's arms for balance as your mount kicked up its front legs and ran at full speed into the trees behind it. Levi was right, it was much safer this way. The swarming group of professional titan killers had the titans' undivided attention as they flew around the air. Only one tried to follow you, but Levi quickly cut it down, nodding at you as you looked back at him over Eren’s shoulder.
"Levi..."
“They'll be fine. Don't look back... just- just focus." Your trembling lip wanted so desperately for you to let tears fall, but you wouldn't allow it. Eren's arms stayed wrapped around you, holding the horse on track firmly.
You didn't know what to do now. You knew everyone's goal on this expedition was to keep Eren safe at all costs. He was humanity's hope. But how were you supposed to protect the titan boy that was much stronger, much faster, and much more capable than you anyway? No one ever told you specifically that you might have to put your life on the line for Eren, but you knew every other scout would, and you weren’t about to be the one pathetic little cadet who didn't take that risk for the mission. You had to prove to the others that you weren't just a stupid kid that got into the scouts even though she's a wimp just because her uncle was the commander. You had to prove that to yourself as well. You could still protect Eren while maintaining a safe distance, right?
Eren did scare you. Titans did scare you, but you made a silent promise to yourself in spite of it all.
"Make my uncle proud..." you whispered, forgetting Eren was there completely.
"What?" He asked.
"Nothing!" You tensed up, feeling the heat of his chest against your back again. It made you feel very uncomfortable, but you would just have to deal with it for now.
"A little further until we are sure it's safe, then we'll stop to rest.”