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Donghyuck loves love. He loves grand, sweeping romance; bouquets of roses and confessions in the rain. He loves the heart fluttering drama of a first kiss; the soft look on someone's face as they yearn; hand-curated playlists filled with love songs.
Donghyuck loves love, so when his big brother tells him the news of his engagement to his long-term boyfriend, he cries. He cries so hard that snot comes out of his nose. Doyoung laughs, says "You're crying even harder than Yongie did when I asked him," and hands him a tissue. It takes almost an hour to calm him down.
That was months ago. Now, the date of the wedding is creeping ever closer. Doyoung calls Donghyuck on a rainy April evening, catching him just as he's come home from his afternoon classes. Donghyuck is tired and cranky, but he musters up his best "I'm doing totally fine" voice as he answers. Doyoung is a worry wart, and Donghyuck doesn't want to add any more stress onto his plate than necessary. Planning a wedding is hard enough.
"Hey, hyung!" Donghyuck chirps. He flops onto his bed, limbs stretched out as much as the tiny dorm mattress will allow. "What's up?"
"Hey Hyuckie. How's life? I'm just checking in about the wedding. Did you buy your tickets yet?"
Doyoung, much like his younger brother, is a romantic at heart. This means spending an exorbitant amount of money on the perfect destination wedding. Getting married in their dreary hometown isn't good enough - he wants to sweep Taeyong off his feet in the most dramatic way possible. Thus, they'd booked a venue in Hawaii, on the beach. The ideal summer getaway.
Taeyong's family had agreed to help pay for the entire wedding party to stay at a hotel in Honolulu for five days. Transportation, however, was on them.
"Not yet," Donghyuck sighs. "I have to ask Mom and Dad if they want to fly together. But I saved up enough, so I should be good to go once I figure that out."
"Great." Doyoung lets out a sigh of relief. "And Jaemin?"
Donghyuck pauses. "...what about Jaemin?"
"He's coming with you, right? If he needs help paying for his ticket, I can spot him. I know it's a lot of money for poor college kids like you."
"Um." It feels like there's a rock lodged in Donghyuck's throat. This was a roadblock he hadn't expected. "I didn't know he was invited?"
On the other side of the line, Doyoung scoffs. "Hyuckie, of course he's invited. He's your boyfriend. You can't come to my wedding without a date. We already set you guys up to share a hotel room and everything. What, did you think I was going to make you stay with Mom and Dad?"
"Well, yeah…"
"Well, no! Jaemin's coming. I'll transfer funds to your account so you can buy his ticket. Do it soon, okay? It's only going to get more expensive the longer you wait."
"Okay…"
"Okay. And Hyuck?"
"Yeah?"
"I can't wait to finally meet him."
♡♡♡
Donghyuck loves love. He loves love so much that he'd been desperate to experience it in his youth. Watching Doyoung and Taeyong made his heart yearn for something similar, but no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't find that spark with anyone.
Except for Jaemin.
Jaemin and Donghyuck became friends in middle school. They clicked instantly, becoming inseparable over the years - never one without the other. And as time went on, Donghyuck found himself projecting all of his romantic fantasies onto his best friend.
It was the perfect scapegoat. Donghyuck wanted to be in love, wanted to be included in his brother's mushy touchy-feely talks. Doyoung wanted Donghyuck to have what he had, as well. So, naturally, Donghyuck told him that he did.
It's been almost three years since Donghyuck lied about dating Jaemin. Honestly, he'd nearly forgotten about it. Three years and Doyoung only brought it up a handful of times. And when he did, Donghyuck was able to play along seamlessly. It wasn't hard to pretend to be in love with Jaemin, after all. One could argue that he was never really pretending at all.
But now Doyoung expects him to bring Jaemin, who is definitely not his boyfriend, with him to Hawaii. For five whole days. As his wedding date.
Donghyuck gulps.
He brings it up during one of their "study dates" at Donghyuck's dorm. Jaemin often comes over to do schoolwork together, but they usually end up gossiping more than anything else. Jaemin updates Donghyuck on his life while Donghyuck agonizes for ten whole minutes about how to segue into asking. Eventually the words tumble out in a nervous rush - not the most graceful delivery, but hey. At least it's out there.
"There's gotta be a catch," Jaemin says, eyes narrowed in suspicion. He sits on Donghyuck's couch, long legs thrown over his best friend's lap and hands stuffed in a bag of chips. "You don't just take people to Hawaii for free."
"Sure you do," Donghyuck says. "It's my brother's wedding; I get a plus one. Who else am I gonna bring?"
Jaemin snorts. "I don't know, Mark? Isn't he into you?"
Donghyuck blushes. Mark, his roommate, does seem to have a little bit of a crush on him, but...well. He's not Jaemin.
"I mean, maybe, but Mark isn't my best friend. We're not close enough that I'd spend five days with him in Hawaii. Besides…" Donghyuck hesitates, then coughs. "My brother doesn't think I'm dating Mark."
"What?" Jaemin narrows his eyes. "What does that mean?"
"It's funny actually," Donghyuck says, clearing his throat again with an awkward laugh. "My brother kind of. Thinks we're dating. You and me."
Jaemin blinks. "Why would he think that?"
"Probably because I told him we were?"
"...why would you tell him that?"
Donghyuck doesn't know what to say. The truth is far too embarrassing to admit. "I don't know; I was young and dumb! And I wanted a boyfriend!"
"So you chose me?"
"I—listen." His whole face is burning red, from his collarbones to the tips of his ears. "Doyoung thinks we've been together for like three years—"
"Three years?!"
"—so you have to come with me. It'd be weird if you didn't. We can pretend we broke up afterwards or something, just. Please, Jaem. I'll owe you one."
Donghyuck holds his breath. Jaemin seems to think for a moment, but his expression is unreadable beyond the general look of contemplation.
"Well...I guess it is a free trip to Hawaii," he finally says.
"Exactly!" Donghyuck exhales, nodding in encouragement. "And everything's already paid for; we'd just be responsible for food and souvenirs and stuff."
"That does sound pretty nice, actually," Jaemin says. "So if we've been dating for three years, does that mean I get to kiss you?"
Donghyuck nearly chokes on his own spit. "What?"
Jaemin shrugs. "Just trying to work out our parameters here. You can say no, of course."
"Um. I mean, sure. If you want to." Donghyuck tries not to let show how flustered the thought of kissing Jaemin makes him. "My family probably expects it."
"Cool."
"...so you'll come?"
"Sure, Donghyuck." Jaemin grins. "I'd love to."
♡♡♡
Donghyuck has never been a fan of flying.
His family was never the type to spend a lot of money on things like vacations. His parents held humble, blue-collar jobs that paid the bills and kept them happy and healthy, but left little for extravagance. Most of their outings were within driving distance, and when they weren't, it was considered something really special.
It's probably why Doyoung is splurging, now. He and Taeyong can afford it, so why not go all out?
Donghyuck has been on a plane exactly twice before this. Both times he felt like he was going to throw up, and had to focus very hard on the in-flight movie to avoid having a panic attack. Now, as he and Jaemin make their way down the aisles towards their seats, he feels the dread beginning to settle in the pit of his stomach.
Jaemin, somehow, seems to notice. He places a comforting hand at the small of Donghyuck's back and allows him to take the window seat, because "corners inherently feel safer." Donghyuck offers him a sheepish smile and tries his best to breathe as they get settled.
"Don't worry," Jaemin says, taking one of his hands and lacing their fingers together. "We'll be there before you know it."
And this - this is why Donghyuck had chosen Jaemin as his pretend boyfriend. Because he's love personified, someone so gentle and understanding and affectionate. He's romance and humor and attraction. The two of them fit together so well, like missing puzzle pieces. Donghyuck squeezes his hand and Jaemin squeezes back. Overhead, the captain announces that they're preparing for takeoff.
"Thanks, Jaem," Donghyuck whispers.
"Of course," Jaemin responds. "You'll be safe with me."
♡♡♡
Donghyuck would like to curse whatever entity decided to mess with him today. Of course it wasn't enough for Doyoung to put him in a room with Jaemin; he had to choose a room with only one bed, too. It's not that Donghyuck has never shared a sleeping space with Jaemin before. It's just that circumstances are a little different now, and Donghyuck is afraid that the added intimacy will confuse his heart even more.
As they enter it becomes immediately clear that this room is meant for couples. There's a king sized bed with some tropical-themed paintings hanging above it, a large jet bathtub that looks more like a jacuzzi than anything else, and several potted plants. There's even a note lying on top of the neatly folded towels that says "Enjoy your romantic getaway!" Donghyuck picks it up with reddening cheeks and tosses it in the trash.
"Well," he sighs, dropping his duffle bag next to the dresser. "I'll take the left side, I guess." He knows that Jaemin prefers to sleep close to the door (for a quick escape in case of emergencies, he always says). The bed seems big enough that they won't be in each other's space too much, thankfully.
Jaemin collapses on the right side of the bed, seemingly unbothered by this predicament. "Fancy digs," he says, staring up at the ceiling. "Your brother really paid for all of this?"
Donghyuck is still tired from the stress of their earlier flight. (They were, in fact, perfectly safe, but that didn't stop him from chewing a hole in his cheek out of anxiety the entire way over.) He slumps into an armchair near the window and gazes pensively out at the streets below.
"I think it was mostly Taeyong's family that paid," he says with a shrug. "Hyung makes good money, but not that good. I know Taeyong hyung's parents are like, filthy rich, though."
"Ah."
Jaemin is quiet for a good three minutes. Donghyuck thinks perhaps he's fallen asleep, but then he rolls over with a grunt.
"Thanks for letting me tag along," he says. His cheek is squished into the comforter, not quite reaching the pillow due to the angle he's spread himself out in. Donghyuck thinks he looks adorable.
"Of course." Donghyuck sends him a tired smile. "I'm exhausted. Should we take a nap? Hyung says dinner in an hour, if we want to go. I bet if we do, we can score some free food."
Jaemin laughs, then holds his arms out. "Sure. Are you gonna come cuddle me?"
Donghyuck scoffs, trying his best to hide the blush that is now creeping up his neck and onto his cheeks. He pulls himself out of the chair and makes his way to the bed (to Jaemin's arms).
"Scoot over; your noodle legs are in the way," he huffs.
"My noodle legs?" Jaemin snickers, but pulls back to allow Donghyuck some room to slip into his hold. "You're the one that's like 90% appendages. I think Slenderman left you on your parents' doorstep when you were a baby."
Donghyuck rolls his eyes. "And you have bony ankles; we can't all be perfect." He kicks at Jaemin's ankles with his feet, as if doing so will prove his point.
This "innocent" gesture quickly devolves into Jaemin kicking back, then the two of them pushing at each other playfully until they're tumbling around on the bed like children who refuse to settle down for nap time. Donghyuck thinks Jaemin is a fool for engaging, because he knows exactly where he's most ticklish (his sides) and Donghyuck himself has no such weakness. In a matter of seconds Jaemin is writhing in pained laughter next to him, holding up his hands in a truce.
"Alright, alright," Jaemin breathes. "I concede."
"That's what I thought."
Their breathing slows, the travel-exhaustion settling over them once again. Donghyuck turns on his side and slings an arm over Jaemin's waist. Jaemin flinches for the briefest moment, but the tickle fight is over - Donghyuck simply wants to be close to him.
"Hey," Jaemin says, suddenly. "In this alternate universe where we've been dating for three years, which one of us is the big spoon?"
Donghyuck thinks for only a split second. "Me, obviously."
"What? No way. You were literally cuddled up against my chest a few minutes ago."
"That's because you were making grabby hands like a baby. I thought I'd indulge you for once."
"Hm." Jaemin considers this for a moment. "Okay, you can be the big spoon."
Donghyuck is surprised at how quickly Jaemin folds. He pulls back a bit, brow raised. "You're giving up that easily?" he asks. "Suspicious."
"What? It doesn't really matter to me, as long as I get my Hyuckie cuddles."
There's something so pure and genuine about the way Jaemin says this. It makes Donghyuck's heart race and his hands shake against Jaemin's hip; he hopes it isn't too obvious how flustered the statement makes him.
"Shut up," Donghyuck mumbles before pulling Jaemin against his chest. He feels the rumble of Jaemin's laughter and the tickle of his hair against his chin and knows that despite their initial goal of napping, he's not going to get any rest in the next hour at all.
♡♡♡
The first full day of the trip is reserved for sightseeing and souvenir shopping. Donghyuck has never been to Hawaii before, and neither has Jaemin, so they're excited for the opportunity to explore. Doyoung and Taeyong have a whole slough of pre-wedding activities planned for themselves. Rather than a traditional bachelor party, they opted to spend the days leading up to their wedding doing things like zip-lining and hiking together. Their best friends, Johnny and Jaehyun, tag along in the celebrations.
Doyoung had asked Donghyuck if he wanted to be a part of the festivities. Originally, he was thrilled at the prospect, but with Jaemin in the picture, he feels differently. Suffering through an entire day of playing boyfriends with his secret crush sounds like more pain than its worth. He chooses to spend the day with Jaemin alone, instead.
There's lots to do in Honolulu. Their hotel is in the heart of the city, an easy walk or bus ride to several shopping districts and beaches. The boys make their way to Ala Moana with money in their wallets and sunscreen slathered across their skin.
The mall is huge. It takes them forty minutes just to choose a starting point, too overwhelmed by the hundreds of options at their disposal. Eventually they find a kitschy souvenir shop, the kind you'd see in a coming of age movie about growing up and going places. Donghyuck peruses the collection of snowglobes (or in this case, sandglobes), humming along to the reggae music that plays overhead.
"Hey, Hyuckie, check these out," Jaemin calls from the other side of the shop. When Donghyuck turns to look at him, he sees the most ridiculous pair of sunglasses perched atop his face. Each lens is nearly as big as his head and shaped like a pineapple, large green spikes protruding from the top rim.
"You look stupid," Donghyuck laughs, abandoning the globe he'd been eyeing to join Jaemin over in the apparel section. "Can you even see out of those?"
"Not really." Jaemin scrunches his nose, presumably squinting to try and see through the checkered pattern of the glass. "But don't I look sexy?"
Donghyuck snorts. "Always."
Jaemin strikes a pose that has Donghyuck doubling over in laughter. He finds one of those cheap plastic leis hanging on a nearby display and throws a few over Jaemin's head.
"There you go. I think you're ready for the wedding."
"If I wore this to the wedding I think your brother might actually kill me," Jaemin laughs. "And I'm kind of trying to impress him, here. Gotta get in good with the inlaws, you know."
Doyoung had met Jaemin for the first time when they all checked into the hotel. It's a miracle, actually, that they hadn't met sooner - especially considering how long he and Donghyuck have been friends. Their first meeting was a brief encounter, one that Doyoung ensured Donghyuck they'd continue later when they're less tired, but an embarrassing one none-the-less. Jaemin had spent the entire conversation with his arm around his waist, and Doyoung kept staring at his hand like it might jump out and attack him at any moment.
Donghyuck knows he's in for more embarrassing conversations over the next week. Luckily, Jaemin has been an incredibly good sport through all of this.
"He's really not as scary as he looks," Donghyuck chuckles. He grabs a matching pair of sunglasses off the rack (these ones are coconuts) and puts them on. "He already likes you based on principle."
"Principle?" Jaemin reaches out to brush some of Donghyuck's bangs away from where they're caught under the glasses frames. "What principle?"
"You know. That you make me happy."
"Oh."
Jaemin is grinning at him now, and even though it's difficult to see through the coconut glasses adorning his face, Donghyuck can tell it's genuine. The sight makes his heart beat a little faster in his chest.
"Yeah, so."
Jaemin takes his hand and pulls him towards the stuffed animal section of the shop. "You make me happy, too," he says. Then the moment is gone as quickly as it came. "Hey, how many of these little guys do you think I can shove in my suitcase for the plane ride back?"
Donghyuck bets only one, but Jaemin ends up buying two. So they're not lonely, he explains on the bus ride back to the hotel, and it's such a Jaemin reason that it makes Donghyuck's chest ache.
♡♡♡
There must be magic infused in the hotel's bathwater or something, because the jacuzzi in their room does wonders for Donghyuck's mood. It feels amazing to sink under the hot water after a long day outside. It's like all of his worries are washed away with the dirt and grime on his skin, leaving him squeaky clean.
He sighs as the water from the jets massage all of the kinks out of his body. His limbs are sore after walking around the city for the past few days, unused to so much activity in so little time.
His phone sits on the counter, soft music playing from the speakers. Donghyuck lets the beat of the bass and the steady thrum of the water lull him into a relaxed state. He's close to dozing off when a light knock sounds on the bathroom door.
"Donghyuck?"
"Hmm?"
Jaemin cracks open the door and slips inside. He takes one look at Donghyuck's bare chest and blushes before turning around, very pointedly averting his eyes. Donghyuck crosses his legs under the water. He knows Jaemin can't really see anything, and it shouldn't be a big deal if he does, but better safe than sorry.
"Sorry. I can leave if I'm invading your privacy," Jaemin says to the floor.
"No, no." Donghyuck clears his throat. "It's okay. What's up?"
"Your brother invited us to surfing lessons tomorrow morning," Jaemin explains. "I was wondering if you wanted to go."
"Oh." This surprises Donghyuck, as he hadn't heard anything from his brother about such plans. "Doyoung hyung invited us?"
"Yeah, he texted me right now saying they're meeting in the hotel lobby at five."
Donghyuck didn't even know Doyoung had Jaemin's number. He must have gotten it during dinner or something - it's the only time they've really spent together on the trip so far. Apparently what little interaction they've had is enough for them to feel comfortable texting each other. Donghyuck's not sure if he should feel jealous or proud. In theory it's a good thing, but what happens after all of this is over and they have to pretend to break up? Then what?
He returns his focus to the matter at hand, unwilling to go down that road right now.
"Five AM?"
"Yeah…" Jaemin scratches at the back of his neck. "I know that's early for you. We don't have to go if you'd rather sleep in."
Donghyuck's heart does a little flip in his chest. Jaemin is always so considerate. He gets the sense that Jaemin really wants to go - he's like a shy kid asking for permission to go out with his friends right now - but he knows he won't say that out loud. He'll go along with whatever Donghyuck says, like he always does. Donghyuck smiles softly to himself.
"I mean, you can go, Jaem," he says. "If you want to. I'll probably sleep, but don't let me stop you."
Jaemin seems surprised by this answer.
"Are you sure?"
"Of course. Maybe you can use this opportunity to bond with my brother some more."
"That sounds great," Jaemin says. "When you wake up, maybe we can go to the zoo? I heard they have aardvarks and I've never seen one in real life before. I'm not entirely convinced they're real."
Donghyuck laughs. "Sure, that sounds fun. How much are tickets?"
"Oh, don't worry about that. I'll pay for everything. I wouldn't be here if it weren't for you, anyway."
"Jaemin…"
"Seriously, Hyuck. Let me take you out."
His cheeks flush red and he ducks his chin under the water. It sounds suspiciously like a date, but he knows better than to get his hopes up. Jaemin simply wants to repay him for taking him along on the trip. It's the logical and decent thing to do.
Still, Donghyuck can't help but feel a little excited at the prospect.
"Okay," he says. "I look forward to it."
Jaemin sends him a smile before turning to leave. "Enjoy your bath," he says. "Don't stay in there too long, or your skin will wrinkle."
Donghyuck thinks wrinkly skin is the least of his concerns right now. He's more focused on the way Jaemin's quiet, caring nature sends his heart in a frenzy, and how he's going to survive tomorrow.
♡♡♡
It's not a date.
It's not, and yet it certainly feels like one. Jaemin holds his hand and pulls him around to each of the exhibits, eyes alight like a child. Donghyuck spends more time watching Jaemin than he does the animals - he's just so fucking cute that he can't seem to tear his eyes away.
They see the aardvarks ("They're so big! Are they supposed to be that big? I didn't know they were so big.") and eat shitty zoo food for lunch. Jaemin pays for everything, despite Donghyuck's protests. They grab shave ice for dessert and laugh as they try to eat it all before it melts, the colorful syrup dripping from the cone and coating their skin with sticky rainbows.
It's hot, and Donghyuck can feel his energy waning by mid-afternoon. The sun has sapped any vitality he had left in him, and his feet ache where they're strapped into his sandals. In hindsight, he should have worn better walking shoes.
"Let's take a break," Jaemin suggests, noticing the way Donghyuck's pace has slowed. "We can check out the gift shop. They have air conditioning."
Once again, Jaemin's perceptiveness is a godsend. Donghyuck takes the opportunity to sit on a bench next to the postcards. His eyes flit around the shop, taking in the various gifts and souvenirs on display. When he's feeling up to moving again, he makes his way over to where Jaemin is (once again) looking at stuffed animals.
"Don't you have enough of these?" Donghyuck laughs.
Jaemin picks up an aardvark and holds it up to his face. "But look how cute he is!" he says, lips turned in a pout. "He needs a home. And I think he'll get along great with the sea turtles."
Donghyuck doesn't bother pointing out that he doubts aardvarks and sea turtles have ever really interacted. Instead he shakes his head, smiling fondly.
"Suit yourself," he says. "But you're the one who gets to try and shove those into your suitcase, not me."
"You underestimate me. I'm an expert stuffed animal smuggler."
Somehow, Donghyuck doesn't doubt that.
After a good thirty minutes in the gift shop, they're about ready to head back to the hotel. Jaemin asks Donghyuck if he wants anything for himself, but he isn't sure how to respond. He's not a stuffed animal fiend like Jaemin, and none of the smaller items really grabbed his attention.
"How about this? I bet it'd look really pretty on you."
Jaemin holds up a gold chain necklace. On the end is a hibiscus charm, small and delicate. It's the kind of subtle beauty that Donghyuck really appreciates, and he finds himself shocked for a moment at how easily Jaemin was able to pinpoint his taste. He takes the necklace in his hands and examines it in the light. It really is pretty.
"Are you sure?" Donghyuck bites at his bottom lip. "Isn't this expensive? It looks like real gold."
"Don't worry about it," Jaemin says, brushing him off. "It's not that expensive. Besides, you literally took me to Hawaii for free. It's the least I can do."
"I don't know…"
"Donghyuck. I want to buy it for you," Jaemin insists. "Unless you don't like it?"
"No, it's— It's perfect." Too perfect, almost.
Jaemin nods.
"Then you're getting it."
Donghyuck has learned by now that arguing with Jaemin is a lost cause. Not because he won't back down (oftentimes he does), but because Donghyuck is just so weak for him. One look at his smile and he's ready to give up anything.
"...Okay."
Jaemin grins and adds the necklace to his basket of goodies. Before Donghyuck can protest again, he's whipping out his credit card and paying. The cashier tells them mahalo, and then they're on their way.
♡♡♡
The rehearsal dinner is on Friday night, at a fancy seafood restaurant that requires them to wear nice clothes. Donghyuck tries not to stare too hard as Jaemin smooths over the front of his white button-down and rolls up his sleeves. Though the fish smells absolutely divine, it's not the salmon that's making his mouth water.
The wedding party is small: Donghyuck is a groomsman along with Doyoung and Taeyong's best friends, Johnny and Jaehyun. Taeyong's younger sister, Jisu, is the sole bridesmaid. Accompanying them on the trip are both sets of parents, Jisu's girlfriend Ryujin, and Jaemin. The rest of the guests will arrive on the island for the wedding on Saturday. It's tight, cozy - just the happy couple and the people most important to them.
Johnny gets up and says a grand speech about love and friendship. Taeyong gets a little too tipsy off the wine Doyoung orders and their parents swap embarrassing baby stories across the table. Donghyuck watches with envy as Taeyong leans into Doyoung's hold, as Jaehyun gazes at Johnny with soft eyes, as Jisu laughs way too hard at a joke that Ryujin makes.
Everyone around him is in a loving, dedicated relationship. Even their parents, who have been married for what feels like thousands of years, are acting particularly smitten tonight. And while normally Donghyuck would find it sweet, right now he's just...jealous.
He wants that. He wants that so badly.
Jaemin rests a comforting hand on his thigh while they wait for their food, but beyond that he spends most of the dinner bonding with Donghyuck's family. Donghyuck picks at his plate and tries not to let the loneliness in his chest ruin his night. He's in Hawaii, for God's sake. Jaemin is next to him and looks hot as hell and his brother is happy. He should have nothing to complain about.
And yet.
When they take a walk down to the beach after dinner, the sun lights up Jaemin's face with a warm glow, and Donghyuck has to try extra hard not to kiss him.
♡♡♡
"God, I can't believe you're getting married."
Donghyuck lays splayed out on his brother's hotel bed, watching him fix his tie in the mirror for the fifth time. The hour of the wedding creeps closer. Donghyuck is vibrating with excitement - he loves weddings almost as much as he loves love (of course, they often go hand-in-hand). There's something so romantic about the symbolism that a wedding ceremony provides, and something so fun and magical in the reception. He can't wait for either.
Doyoung, too, is vibrating. Donghyuck can see the way his hands shake as he fusses with his clothing, can hear the tremor in his voice as he speaks. He knows it's not nerves, because Doyoung has been ready to marry Taeyong since they first started dating. It's got to be anticipation.
"I know," Doyoung laughs, adjusting the lapel of his tuxedo. There's a bright grin on his face as he turns to face Donghyuck. "It's amazing, right? I can't wait."
Donghyuck smiles, soft, and lets out a long sigh. "I'm so happy for you, hyung," he says, staring up at the ceiling. One of his hands absentmindedly fiddles with the hibiscus necklace, which he wears underneath his wedding attire. "You're so lucky."
"Just be patient; your time will come," Doyoung says. He kicks at Donghyuck's foot where it dangles off the bed. "Who knows, maybe Jaemin will pop the question in a few years. You guys are getting to be around that age."
Donghyuck's cheeks flush red at the statement. "What the heck, no," he huffs. "We're twenty. As much as I want to get married, I'm definitely not ready for that yet."
Doyoung laughs. "Okay, fair," he says. "But I'm rooting for you guys. I bet it'll happen sooner rather than later. You've always been quick to know your feelings for someone."
Oh, if only. Donghyuck gulps and averts his eyes back to the spinning ceiling fan, one of the only sources of relief from the stifling hot weather outside. The teasing look on Doyoung's face is too much to bear. It makes his heart ache and his insides twist with guilt - what is he trying to prove? Jaemin has never once expressed an interest in marriage, and he certainly hasn't expressed an interest in Donghyuck. No matter how nice the idea of growing old with him may be, it isn't going to happen.
He swallows down the disappointment before it can show on his face.
"Lee Donghyuck!"
Their mother bursts through the door, looking thoroughly distressed in her fancy dress, large hoop earrings swinging as she walks. Donghyuck sits up with a start.
"Yes?"
"What are you doing, lying down like that! You'll ruin your suit!" She shuffles over to him and starts aggressively smoothing over the fabric of his jacket. Doyoung laughs at the familiar scene, which cues their mother to turn to him, instead. "Doie! You look so dashing!" she coos. "Are you ready to go? The car will be here to take us to the venue in ten minutes."
"Ten minutes," Doyoung breathes. "My wedding is only ten minutes away."
"Well, technically...an hour and fifteen minutes away," Donghyuck corrects. He stands to join his family in the middle of the room and claps Doyoung on the back. "But you made it, hyung. How do you feel?"
Doyoung seems to be too happy to bother rolling his eyes at Donghyuck and opts to ignore him, a feat he once thought impossible. Instead, he pulls both brother and mother into a big hug, causing Donghyuck to let out a startled squeak.
"I feel amazing," he says. "Like the happiest guy in the world." Donghyuck hears the genuine euphoria in Doyoung's voice and yearns . When will he have that? Will he ever?
Between them, their mom starts to sniffle. It seems the tears have already begun.
"Are you ready, boys?" she asks.
Donghyuck nods and tries to keep his cool. He's determined not to break down until at least the vows begin; he can't lose his composure just yet. Doyoung squeezes them both on the shoulder and lets go before puffing up his chest.
"Yeah," he says, fixing his tie one last time. "Let's do this."
♡♡♡
Donghyuck doesn't make it to the vows. He starts crying as soon as Doyoung and Taeyong lock eyes, and it takes everything in him not to interrupt the ceremony with his loud wails. He's sure he's going to look constipated in all of the wedding photos due to how hard he was holding back, but oh well. It couldn't be avoided.
At some point, he meets Jaemin's gaze from where he sits in the audience. Donghyuck hadn't been expecting to exchange eye contact - and yet, when he glances over at Jaemin, Jaemin is glancing right back. There's a fond sort of expression on his face, and Donghyuck's heart skips a beat before he realizes it's most likely due to his current emotional state. He'd be looking at Jaemin like an endeared dumbass, too, if he was the one up there with tear-stained cheeks and a red nose.
Still, the softness of Jaemin's gaze is not lost on Donghyuck, and it sends him into an even more emotional spiral. Donghyuck listens to his brother profess his love for Taeyong and finds himself wishing he could do the same for Jaemin.
"Taeyong, when I first took a chance and asked you out at our high school talent show, I never thought we'd come this far. Back then you were just a cute boy I wanted to get to know better, but now, you're my everything."
Jaemin, when I first told my brother we were dating, I didn't mean for the lie to come this far. Back then I only wanted to be a part of something, but now, I wish it was the truth.
"Not everyone gets to marry their high school sweetheart. I'm really lucky to have found a partner that loves arguing as much as I do, otherwise this never would have lasted," Doyoung laughs, and the audience chuckles along with him. "I promise to improve my debate skills so we can have even more compelling arguments going forward. And I promise to cherish every moment we spend together, even the ones that make me want to rip my hair out."
It's too late for us to be high school sweethearts. I'm not Doyoung - I'm not brave enough to ask someone out just because I think they're cute. But we've known each other for a long time now, and I think we're meant to be together. I think every moment with you is special.
"Every day, I fall more and more in love with you. Each time I think I know everything about you, you surprise me with something new. Being with you is so fun. Every day is different and exciting. I can't wait to see what our future holds."
What does our future hold?
"I love you, Taeyong. I'm so in love with you, and I am beyond thrilled to call you my husband."
I love you, Jaemin. I'm so in love with you.
I wish I could call you my boyfriend.
By the time the ceremony is over, Donghyuck is crying for more than one reason.
♡♡♡
After sobbing into Doyoung's tuxedo jacket and clinging to Taeyong for a solid ten minutes, Donghyuck is swept away for some photos with the other groomsmen. Both the ceremony and the reception are being held on a private beach, and Donghyuck can hear the dance music starting to play as the party gets started behind him. Normally this would excite him, but right now, it only serves to remind him of what he doesn't have.
He's moody, feeling forlorn and envious and sentimental all at once. Doyoung and Taeyong are beaming, the smiles not once leaving their faces since they sealed the deal with a kiss. Donghyuck can hardly watch them anymore. If he does, he'll never stop crying, and he'd like at least one good photo to come out of today.
Jaemin finds him as soon as he's released from the photo session.
"There you are," he greets, throwing an arm around Donghyuck's shoulder with a smile. Donghyuck tries not to tense under his hold. "Your nose is all red. Cute. You really lost it up there, huh? Who knew you were such an ugly crier?"
He knows Jaemin is only teasing, but the words sting nonetheless. Grimacing, Donghyuck shrugs Jaemin's arm off of his shoulder and moves towards the open bar. He's going to need some alcohol to get through this night, that's for sure.
"Yeah, well," he huffs.
Jaemin watches as he rummages through the cooler for the specific brand of hard cider he'd bullied Doyoung into stocking. When he finds one, he cracks it open and takes a large swig.
"What's wrong?" Jaemin frowns.
Donghyuck wipes his lips with the back of his hand.
"Nothing."
"Hyuck. I know you. I know when something's up. I thought you were excited for the wedding? Why so gloomy?"
Donghyuck sighs. Of course Jaemin, the human embodiment of all things lovely and good, would pick up on his mood. Not that he's been particularly subtle. Still, Jaemin has always had an uncanny knack for reading the emotions of others. It's part of what makes him so easy to get along with.
(Everyone gets along with Jaemin - not just Donghyuck. Donghyuck isn't special. He must keep reminding himself of that.)
"I was excited. I am," Donghyuck clarifies. "I cried because I'm so fucking happy for them. They're the most perfect couple ever."
Jaemin softens. Across the beach, Doyoung and Taeyong are laughing and spinning each other around to the music. "Then why the long face?"
"I just." Donghyuck gulps. No point in trying to hide it anymore - Jaemin will end up guessing what's up eventually, anyway. "I want what they have, you know?"
"Ah." For a moment Jaemin hesitates. Then he reaches over to grab a drink of his own, which is perplexing, because Jaemin doesn't drink. "I get that. It's hard to watch the people around you love and be loved when you're single."
"Exactly."
"You're not alone in that feeling," Jaemin continues. He pops open the beer he's holding and takes a sip, nose scrunching up at the bitter taste. "I'm sure there's plenty of people here who want that, too. Me included."
"You?" Donghyuck shouldn't be surprised, but he is. Jaemin is such an openly affectionate and loving person; he could probably have anyone he wanted.
"Of course. Why wouldn't I?"
"I don't know. I guess I sort of assumed you were single by choice."
Jaemin raises a brow. "Why would you assume that?"
"Well..." Donghyuck flails for a moment, unsure how to answer without totally embarrassing himself. He takes another sip of his cider, hoping the can will cover up his blush. "You're so charming; I thought if you wanted a boyfriend you would have one by now."
Jaemin stares at him for a moment. "Hmm," he says, thoughtful. "And here I was, about to say the same thing to you."
"Huh?"
The air between them shifts, suddenly, as Jaemin looks him in the eye with an intensity that makes Donghyuck's heart race. "You want what they have?" Jaemin says. Despite the hot summer sun seeping into the black of his suit, Donghyuck shivers. "You can have it. All you have to do is ask."
♡♡♡
Before Donghyuck can ask what Jaemin means, they're interrupted. He's not sure if it's a blessing or a curse, but Johnny calls them over to the dance floor just as Genie starts playing, and Donghyuck isn't one to pass up the opportunity to show off his legs.
He pulls Jaemin along with him, fingers circled delicately around his wrist. Jaemin watches with an amused smile as Donghyuck performs in the middle of the makeshift dance floor. Ryujin comes out to join him, and soon enough they've got a whole audience cheering and laughing as they flawlessly recreate the choreography.
Three songs in and Donghyuck has nearly forgotten the weird energy from their earlier conversation. Taeyong drags Doyoung out for a dance battle, both of them now freshly changed into matching Hawaiian shirts and swim trunks. Donghyuck laughs and tugs on Jaemin's arm until they're standing chest to chest, mere inches apart. Donghyuck can see the flush of Jaemin's cheeks and each of his individual eyelashes.
Pretty.
"Come on," Donghyuck whines. "You can't just stand there and watch all night. Let's dance!"
Jaemin laughs, but begins to sway along to the Taylor Swift song playing overhead. Donghyuck takes his hands in his and shimmies. He's a good dancer, always has been, and the sadness that had been pressing down on his chest lifts as he twirls around the dance floor. Jaemin isn't half bad at dancing, either. He follows Donghyuck's lead with a smile on his face and a spring in his step.
When the song shifts to something slower, Donghyuck hesitates for only a moment before slinging his arms around Jaemin's neck. He isn't even thinking about how they're supposed to be dating - right now, he just wants to dance with Jaemin.
Jaemin doesn't say anything, but he places his hands on the small of Donghyuck's waist and tugs him closer, so Donghyuck assumes he wants to dance, too. Or maybe he's only being a good friend and indulging him.
He hopes it's the former.
"High School Musical, eh? Doyoung hyung really is a big sap, isn't he."
Donghyuck lets out a dreamy sigh. "Yeah," he says. "We have that in common." He starts absentmindedly singing along to the song as they sway back and forth. It's like catching lightning, the chances of finding someone like you. If only Jaemin knew how applicable those words were in the moment.
"Your voice is so nice," Jaemin mumbles. His hands are restless at Donghyuck's waist, rubbing nervous circles into his hips. "Good at dancing, good at singing, romantic, disgustingly good looking. Whoever you marry in the future sure is lucky."
"Me?" Donghyuck can feel his cheeks heating up. He ducks his head, avoiding eye contact. "I'm not really sure about that."
"I am."
There's an intensity to Jaemin's voice that reminds Donghyuck of their earlier conversation. Suddenly, that tension is back. His heart rate starts to pick up in his chest - what does this mean? What is Jaemin playing at?
"That's…" Donghyuck trails off, awkward. He lifts his eyes to glance at Jaemin, hoping to glean some sort of clue as to what he's thinking, but his expression is unreadable. For a moment they simply stare at each other. Donghyuck thinks he's forgotten how to breathe.
Don't be afraid, afraid to fall. You know I'll catch you through it all.
Before Donghyuck can process what's happening, Jaemin leans in and kisses him.
The kiss is unbearably soft, more a brush of lips than anything. Donghyuck's eyes flutter closed as he presses closer and kisses him back. His hands curl around Jaemin's nape, holding him steady. His legs have practically turned to jelly - if it weren't for Jaemin's hold on his waist, he might have collapsed from shock.
"Can I have this dance?" Jaemin sing-songs against his lips when they part, mouth curling into a smile. Donghyuck feels his heart stutter in his chest.
"Absolutely."
♡♡♡
The rest of the reception is a blur. Johnny and Jaehyun give their speeches and everyone sits down to eat. Taeyong shoves cake in Doyoung's face. Jaemin and Donghyuck dance and laugh and walk along the beach together, hand in hand.
It's almost too good to be true. Donghyuck is feeling on top of the world after their kiss, light and happy and glued to Jaemin's side.
"Thanks for tonight," he says as they ride up the elevator to their hotel room, fingers interlocked. "I had a lot of fun."
Jaemin smiles at him and squeezes his hand. "Of course," he says. "What are fake boyfriends for?"
Fake boyfriends. Right.
Donghyuck's mood comes crashing down as reality settles back in. Of course Jaemin had only kissed him because of their arrangement - how could he be so stupid? He'd been so happy that he completely forgot it was even a thing. He'd convinced himself that this is real, that Jaemin really loves him back.
How foolish.
"Yeah." Donghyuck drops Jaemin's hand as the elevator door opens. Their room is only a short walk away, and he swipes his key card wordlessly. Jaemin follows behind him, closing the door and turning on the lights as Donghyuck steps out of his shoes and shrugs off his jacket.
"Hyuck…?" Jaemin immediately picks up that something is wrong. He frowns and takes a seat on the edge of the bed. "Did I say something wrong? Or…oh. Was it the kiss? I'm sorry for doing that. I should have asked."
Donghyuck's heart sinks in his stomach. Does that mean he regrets it? The thought makes his insides twist uncomfortably. He doesn't want to think about that, not now. Not ever.
"It's fine," he says, back turned towards the coat closet to avoid eye contact. "I mean, I said you could. It was bound to happen. I just…"
I wish it actually meant something.
Once again, Jaemin seems to understand the unspoken words. His gaze softens.
"Ah. You said I could, if I wanted to," he says, slow, careful. "Which is to say: I wanted to."
Donghyuck pauses. "You did?"
"Duh." Jaemin chuckles, and Donghyuck turns to face him with narrowed eyes. "Don't tell me you haven't noticed?"
"Noticed what…?"
"Hyuck…" Jaemin laughs again, this time much more full and bright. But there's a hint of something hesitant in his expression, something shy. It's a shock to see from someone who is normally so sure of himself. "I'm literally in love with you," Jaemin continues. "Why else would I agree to be your fake boyfriend?"
"Huh?" Donghyuck's eyes go wide as he processes the confession. "No, I'm literally in love with you!"
"I gathered that."
He— Suddenly the absurdity of the situation settles on Donghyuck. He feels his entire body heating up in embarrassment and anticipation.
"Oh my god."
"Yeah."
Donghyuck flounders. "But— you— this is an elaborate prank, right? You've got to be joking."
"Why would I be joking?" Jaemin's face softens, and he stands up to take Donghyuck's hand in his once more. "Donghyuck. I bought you jewelry. I sang you a cheesy love song. I told you I wanted romance, too, and that you could have it if you just asked. I kissed you."
Well. When he puts it like that, it really does make Donghyuck seem dense.
"Oh."
"Yeah, oh," Jaemin laughs. "I thought you knew. I really like you, Hyuck."
Donghyuck's cheeks are burning - so hot that he thinks he might catch fire. He runs his free hand over his face, unable to control the stupid grin that stretches across it.
"I really like you, too," he mumbles.
"Nice. So?"
Jaemin is so casual about all of this that it makes Donghyuck squirm. Nice. Yeah, that's the understatement of the century.
"So…?"
Jaemin reaches up to cup his cheek in his hand. "Can I kiss you again? No pretenses this time, though there really wasn't one to begin with."
"Holy shit." Donghyuck may faint. He nods, a little too eager for what's to come. "Yes. Please."
They kiss, and it feels like home. It feels like love and friendship and desire and years of pining. Donghyuck snakes his arms around Jaemin's neck, pulling him closer. Jaemin smiles into the kiss and runs his tongue along the seam between his lips. They stand there tangled up in each other for what feels like an eternity, and yet, doesn't feel quite long enough.
"One more thing," Jaemin mumbles. He brushes some hair from Donghyuck's face and presses a soft peck to the side of his mouth.
"Hm?"
"Be my boyfriend? Like, for real."
Donghyuck responds by gently pushing Jaemin back onto the bed with a smile. He leans in to press a kiss to each of his cheeks, settling neatly into his lap.
"Nothing would make me happier."