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“Hey, uh...Sara? I have a really weird question, have you ever thought about your own death? You know, how you want to go out?”
Sara looked at Joe incredulously.
“No? That’s not a normal thought.”
“It’s just a question...Seriously don’t worry about me! I’m fine, trust me!”
Joe laughed before sticking out his tongue at his best friend, Sara Chidouin. She lightly punched his arm at that. Sara laughed right along with him but she couldn’t help raise an eyebrow.
That was such a weird question, a really morbid question. That type of question was unlike Joe. He was not the type to have serious discussions like this with. Frankly, it was concerning and it made no sense.
Why would Joe think about death when he clearly had a whole life ahead of him?
“Well... how do you want to go out, Joe?” Sara asked in order to indulge Joe a bit.
Joe paused for a few seconds, thinking hard. His brow had furrowed and he had a hand to his chin. His face soon lit up as soon as he got an idea.
“Okay, I’ve got it, don’t make fun of me. I know it’s cheesy, I guess I’d want to go out surrounded by friends and family. Dying alone sounds terrible. ” Joe answered looking away before folding his arms.
Sara nodded softly. Sure, it was a cheesy answer but it was an honest one. It was one that fit Joe perfectly.
“Now that I think about it, I think I would want that too. My death should be a happy one, I’d like a celebration of my life, rather than a mourning of it,” Sara said while looking back up at Joe.
Joe grinned brightly which caused Sara to smile back in return. Joe’s energy was infectious.
“That’s a really great way to look at it, Sara!”
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Joe had thought about the way that he was going to die before. It was a lie to say that the morbid curiosity of the thought had not crossed his mind at least once. He didn't know how he wanted to die. Perhaps quickly. Perhaps painlessly. Maybe surrounded by people that he loved. He knew that neither of these things would happen. It was unrealistic. Idealized.
Life has a funny way of showing you what your priorities are.
He knew that his priority had always been others. He was the one who would accommodate others. The one who changed himself to make others happy. He knew how it felt to be isolated and unaccommodated and so he swore that he would never let anyone else feel that way.
It had always been the comfort of others over himself. This death game had made that abundantly clear. That is why he felt no remorse in these moments. He had achieved his goal.
Sara was safe.
Even if it was at the cost of his own life, she was safe.
He had no chance of escaping with her, so this is how it must be.
There was still a pit in his stomach and a growing knot in his throat despite his lack of remorse. He honestly wished that this could have played out differently, but that was now out of his control.
Joe smiled softly at the people in front of him. The terror on their faces hurt more than any death could. He just had to smile and soon it would all be over.
One could say that he was only putting on a brave face to ease his own worries rather than theirs and they would be right. For once he was thinking about himself.
How did he want to be remembered?
A brave martyr who gave his own life for others fearlessly with a smile on his face or a teenager who had been dealt the worst card imaginable and was terrified of the pain of dying?
It was a clear choice.
He couldn’t show the pain to Sara.
Or anyone for that matter.
He just had to smile.
It was a simple task.
It was second nature for him.
Joe’s eyes scanned the group before landing on Sara’s eyes. There was something that he had to tell Sara before he left, he was not dying with any regrets.
“Last...There’s something I wanna say. Sure enough...it’s hard for a guy and a girl to say this sorta stuff to each other, huh…? I love ya, Sara! You’re my best friend!!” Joe’s smile widened as he thought of their friendship.
He loved Sara and would do anything for her.
This would be an easy sacrifice.
Sara started to sob at Joe’s words. She was going through the worst thing imaginable. Her sobs were soon interrupted by Miley’s voice.
"Yes, yes, it’s over. Kai Satou, chosen by vote, will be the main event. Whereas you’re the opening act. Hurry up and die.” Miley looked at Joe harshly as she spoke.
“Wait! Wait, Miley…” Sara begged.
“Come, wrigglers!” Miley continued talking, discarding Sara’s words completely.
Sara sobbed even harder.
“Suck all of the blood from Joe Tazuna!”
Joe’s heart sank.
Distract yourself.
Just distract yourself.
Joe’s mind wandered as he suddenly saw things that looked like tubes attached to him. They were more than just tubes, but there was no time to worry about it. It was already starting to hurt as the tubes latched onto flesh and into his veins.
Joe tried to fight the urge to not scream in pain. He wanted to stay quiet, but his efforts were futile. He let out a blood-curdling scream that soon eased into soft moans that he tried to hold back.
Sara screamed at the sight in front of her.
“Please! Miley! Stop this! I’ll do anything! I’ll die in his place! So…so...Save Joe! Please, help him.” Sara continued to beg. She had never begged this hard in her life, but then again this was for Joe’s life.
“How cuuute, Sara! Ahaha. Why not? I’ll give you a chance.” Miley’s expression changed into a sickly sweet smile.
“Eh…?” Sara’s sad expression shifted into a confused one.
“Eheehe. This button will slow the device connected to Joe Tazuna. Just keep pressing it! The device will be slowed the more you press, maybe even stop!” Miley moved towards a button.
“G-give me that!” Sara quickly took the button from Miley’s grip.
“Now, keep mashing that button. Maybe you’ll save him? Heeheehee…”
The pain was getting to be unbearable as it continued. His head felt incredibly light and he could not feel his limbs anymore. Joe tried to distract himself with thoughts of anything other than what was happening right now, but it was getting difficult to even think. Then he heard it, a familiar voice and a memory flooded into his head.
“It’s the same for everyone.” Sara looked at Joe as the two of them laid on the roof. They often spent time up here to get away from it all.
Joe looked at Sara, confused as she continued.
“Deep down, they hope that things will go well. But they can’t help out, so they’re using you as a reason to put up with their helplessness. Once everything’s over, let’s say our thanks to everyone.” Sara said with a face of contentment on her face.
Joe laughed at that.
“What’s up?” Sara clearly didn’t understand what was so funny. She never really did.
“You look so cool and composed, but you’re really super kind, huh? It’s that part of you that I find really cool!” Joe smiled before clinking glasses with Sara.
Sara was the first person to honestly show him true kindness and to be there for him. He was glad he at least got to see her before it all ended and faded to black.
Dying did not seem so bad after all.