Chapter Text
The cookie jar had posed an interesting challenge for Dwalin when he'd first snatched it from atop the Hobbit's fireplace, his large, gauntletted hands far too broad to fit into the narrow opening.
But Dwalin had, eventually, found a way to access the cookies. After all, being a war leader required such tactical genius in situations like this.
(And, frankly, it was just easier to shake them out one at a time rather then try and take them out directly.)
Luckily, for Dwalin and his ill-gotten cookies, Balin had proven incorrect in his assessment that it would rain later; The pleasant evening held and Dwalin could sit and guard the Hobbit's front door without getting wet.
Not that the Hobbit's house needed help with that given the wet-behind the ears, fussy occupant who'd provided himself unworthy of even speaking with Thorin, let alone joining his esteemed Company.
Dwalin had no time for folk who didn't know themselves or their place in the world and Master Baggins clearly had no idea who he was or what he stood for.
No, the Hobbit had no place with them; He was nothing but a footnote, a forgotten stop on their long path to Erebor.
It was truly a kindness that he was being left behind, Gentlefolk had no place in the wild where they could neither fight or fend for them-
"Oh...for fu-really?!"
Dwalin's thoughts were interrupted by the very subject of them, the round green door having just opened behind him, revealing Master Baggins himself.
"Problem Master Hobbit?" Dwalin drawled, unrepentant as he took another bite of a cookie, the jar beside him now more than half empty.
The Hobbit then puffed himself up like a little bird trying to make himself look bigger then he was, his arms gesturing in a wild, all-encompassing motion at Dwalin and Bag-end at large.
"Problem?! After you and your fellows eat all of my food, break my plumbing and make yourself at home in my house? No, no problem at all Master Dwarf!"
Dwalin looked up at him with a raised eyebrow, pointedly taking his time chewing before he spoke. "Glad to hear it laddie," he replied with gruff sarcasm, not really having any time for this creatures' feeble protests.
The Hobbit narrowed his eyes, crossing his arms over his ridiculous dressing gown as he huffed. "Well! If how you treat your host is in anyway similar as to how you intend to treat that dragon, you might just irritate it to death before it gets a chance to eat you!"
Then he turned smartly on his heel and stormed back inside.
Dwalin scoffed, reaching back down for the cookie jar-
-Only to find it already gone, right from under his nose.
That sneaky little bugger.
Perhaps Master Baggins was more of a burglar then a grocer after all...