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Loki was used to not seeing color.. As a child he would daydream about the day he'd meet his soulmate and finally see the side of the world hidden from him. But as he grew, that dream died… By the time he was twenty, He was completely convinced that he'd never meet his soulmate. Each day that passed he became more sure he'd never see color or the ticking timer that was on all happy couples wrists.
Tony was in a similar boat. He'd loved the idea of soulmates as a child but as he aged he started to hate them. Everyone around him was finding their special someone while he was stuck being almost completely alone. Dating was useless, and the few hookups he got himself into were hardly fluffy.
However the two of them were proven wrong when well, they met their soulmate, at the same time.. I'm sure you can see where this is going.
Loki was speeding walking through a crowded train station. He wasn't really looking where he was going, but after growing up going fast ,and not looking, he was incredible at dodging people. So therefore he was pretty sure it wasn't his fault when he and another person collided. Loki's phone fell out of his hand and hit the ground.
“Oh shit, sorry!” The person said, reaching down to pick up said phone. They handed it to Loki, when something was wrong. Their eyes looked different. It wasn't the normal shades Loki's world lived in, instead it was a warmer color. And as similar things started happening to the things around the pair, Loki registered what was happening. Color. This was color.
Even through Loki's bitterness about being bumped into, he had to admit that it was beautiful. Though much of the things around them stayed a dull gray, some things changed. The signs, the stripes that ran around the wall and most noticeably, the people.
“Huh... That's new.” The person said, looking around with an expression Loki was sure mirrored his own. Loki snorted a bit.
“You meet your soulmate and that's the first thing you have to say?” Loki asked. A smirk had claimed his face. The person rolled their eyes.
“Well what else was I supposed to say?” They shot back. Loki looked them up and down, taking in the person who was supposedly his soulmate. They were in some kind of suit, as if they were going to a very important business meeting. Either they too only bought clothing that had the color on the tag, or had someone to help them. Unlike some of the others around them, their outfit worked together.
“Perhaps introduce yourself?” Loki offered out a hand. “I'm Loki.” The person accepted it. Their hand felt strong, like it was used a lot.
“Tony,” They paused. “Well .. Anthony but literally no one calls me that.”
Loki nodded, finally looking down to see if his phone was cracked, Only to discover his phone case was an insanely bright color that matched the stripe by the tracks. He'd assume it was white but clearly, this wasn't white. If he had to guess it was yellow.
“Sooo, could I get your number?” Tony asked, smirking. Loki rolled his eyes and told him. In return he got Tony's. As soon as the two had saved the other's number, Tony continued on with his, flirting? Loki wasn't quite sure what it was.
“We should go get to know each other. After all, we are destined to live the rest of our lives together.” Tony said. He attempted to lean on a poll, only to miss it and almost fall over. Loki snorted as Tony struggled to re-balance himself.
“Well if that's the case I'm surely doomed.”
------
They did end up going out to 'get to know each other'. Both Loki and Tony called out of work, deciding that knowing your soulmate came before being a slave to the capitalist machine. It was a ton of fun, and Loki hated to admit it, but the universe had chosen the right person for him. Their humor matched up, their passions and ambitions matched up, even their crippling self doubt matched! Everything was great until Loki slipped that dreaded topic in, the death timers.
Each pair of soulmates had a timer on their non-dominant wrists. The timer appeared at the same time color did and was only visible to the person who's wrist it was on. It was something that many soulmates chose not to discuss. After all, knowing when you or your soulmate was going to die was incredibly stressful. However some did, thinking that at least you'd know how much time you had with your partner. Loki had always favored the latter. Why live in ignorance?
“So, you made a comment earlier about spending the rest of our lives together. We should probably figure how long that'll be.” Loki said, hand moving to his left arm. Tony looked up from the meme he had probably been about to show Loki.
“Oh, right. We probably should,” Tony replied. He sounded really nervous, making Loki want to take it back. But before he could say anything Tony pulled back his sleeve to look. The man relaxed almost immediately.
“2,3723,” Tony said, doing quick math in his head. “So about 65 years.” He sounded incredibly happy. I mean who wouldn't be! Your soulmate living that long was incredible! But Loki looked less happy.
Loki looked terrified, and was just staring at his wrist. Tony frowned, slowly reaching out. “Loki, are you alright?” A few seconds passed before Loki cracked a smile and laughed a bit.
“You should have seen your face,” He said, grinning at Tony. “It was a joke, you've got only a year or so less than me.” Tony relaxed again, joining in Loki's laughter.
Only one side of that laughter was real though. The other side was faked, Because printed across Loki's wrist in black lettering was 912. Tony had 912 days left to live. And Loki could feel his heart breaking already.
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882
“I don't think Loki even HAS a soulmate!” A girl said, grinning in Loki's direction. In response to the ten year old, He grit his teeth and lifted his head higher.
“That's not how it works. Everyone has a soulmate.” Loki said. He crossed his arms in an attempt to feel bigger. It didn't really work.
“Well then yours is dead already!” A boy entered. “And you'll never ever meet them!” He laughed, bouncing about. He was taller than Loki, and older. All of the kids surrounding him were.
“Someone as messed up as you doesn't deserve a soulmate.” The girl from before said. Loki shrank back even more, wanting to lash out. But he promised Frigga he wouldn't. She told him to not give these people the attention they seemed to want. And he never disobeyed her.
“Leave me alone.” Loki muttered, arms tightening around himself. It no longer had any air of a threat. This only seemed to give the others more motivation.
“Loki has no soulmate, Loki has no soulmate!” One of the kids started to chant. It was only a matter of time before the rest of them picked it up as well. Loki looked desperately to the one kid who hadn't spoken up this entire time. Thor. The two held eye contact for a few seconds, before Loki's brother joined in on the chats.
Suddenly Loki was falling. It was at first nothing but dark, but slowly colors started to swirl around him. Colors. Soulmate. Tony. The words seemed to imbed themselves into Loki's head, and a timer appeared in front of him. 1 day, 1 hour, 1 minute and seconds that were going down far too fast to be actually seconds. The ticking sound drowned out any chance of thoughts, grabbing Loki, strangling him, forcing him to sit there was just, wait.
Loki shot awake, shaking. He looked around for the timer, the pit or even the kids. But it was just a normal bedroom. His and Tony's bedroom. They moved in together last week. By normal standards the two were moving very fast, after all they met a month ago, but if you had the time limit they did, you'd be moving fast too.
“Loki?” Tony asked, reaching out to Loki slowly. Loki spun around, surprised. He hadn't heard Tony get up. He hadn't meant to wake him either. The worry in his eyes absolutely killed Loki. He'd promised himself he'd make these last years amazing for Tony, so any time Tony was remotely stressed Loki panicked.
“Can I touch you?” Tony said slowly, sitting up. After receiving a nod Tony hugged Loki tightly, running his hand down the others back. “Try to match your breathing to mine.”
The two sat there for at least five minutes. Even after Loki's breathing returned basically to normal they stayed. It was cold out, and even though the heating was working fine it still felt cold. Eventually Loki slipped away. “Thank you.” He mumbled, smiling a bit.
Tony smiled back, quickly kissing Loki. “No problem my love. Do you want to talk about what happened?”
Loki looked away. He hadn't told Tony the truth about the timer yet. He didn't want to. He knew Tony would only stress about it and it would make the rest of Tony's life miserable. Loki didn't want to inflict that onto him.
“Alright, just, promise you'll tell me if it gets really bad.” Tony ran his hand over Loki's. He took Loki's cue and diverted his own eyes. Loki felt butterflies stir up in his stomach. Tony was always so understanding. And sure they might just be in the honeymoon stage, but he never failed to make Loki giddy. Even when the timer was looming over them Loki felt happy. Tony being told would just make the timer loom even more. And maybe then Loki wouldn't be able to be happy. He finally found someone who could make the darkness go away for the first time since his mother's death. He couldn't let that go. Not yet.
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730
Loki watched from the shadows as Tony talked with one of his friends. They'd officially been together for six months, and decided it was about time to introduce each other to friends. And well, one family member. Thor was the only family member left, and he had been busy the day they set up the meeting anyway. So really it was just Loki meeting Tony's friends. Since Loki had no friends. Which was fine. Loki had been dreading seeing Thor again anyway.
Tony glanced over at him and grinned, motioning for Loki to come over. Loki paused for a second, unsure. He knew how much Tony's friends meant to him, what would happen if he messed up? Tony had such a small amount of time left he shouldn't have to spend it split between boyfriend and soulmate.
Tony said something to his friends and walked over. “Hey what's up? If you're not ready for this I totally get it. We can just put it of aga-”
Loki cut him off, sensing where this was going. “I'm fine, Tony. Just,” He looked over at Tony's group of friends. “Nervous.”
Tony his hand, swinging it a bit. “Well in that case...” He gently tugged Loki over to the group. Not enough to hurt or anything, just enough to put Loki's fleeing reflex at bay.
The group looked over, and the pressure was on. Everyone looking at Loki set off a reflex he didn't know he still had. He stiffened and felt emotion drain from his voice. “I'm Loki, it's good to finally meet you.”
The group glanced at each other, seemingly confused by Loki's stiffness. Finally one of them spoke up. “Steve,” He offered a hand. “Tony has told us a lot about you.”
Loki accepted the hand, slightly freaked out about having to use his left hand. He didn't like using it. It only reminded him of the timer.
“Uh, I'm Bruce.” Another said. Loki frowned a bit, trying to shake this off. It was just a coincidence. There was no way that this was Thor's friend group. That'd be insane.
“Natasha, and that idiot's Clint.” The only girl among them said, pointing back at someone behind her. Loki could hear the blood rushing in his ears. Thor was going to see friends today, all of these people had the same names as Thor's friends, if this really was Thor's friend group that meant-
The door to the room busted open, and Thor walked it. “Sorry I am arriving late!” He declared. “There was a dog and I had to pet it.”
The others laughed, none paying attention. Tony's hand slipped from Loki's. Completely panicked, Loki took this distraction, and sunk away. Once he turned down the hallway though, he ran. He didn't know where he was going. Sure the house was big but Tony knew all the places he normally hid. Still, maybe Tony would be so distracted he'd forget Loki.
Loki stopped in the basement. Tony had turned it into a lab or sorts. He curled up in Tony's desk chair and tried to calm down. It always smelled like Tony in the lab. Or maybe it was that Tony smelled like the lab? It was hard to tell. The longer Loki sat there the more he was convinced Tony forgot about him. And for once that idea felt okay. It meant he wouldn't have to be around Thor.
It wasn't that Loki hated Thor, or even that Thor hated Loki. They adored each other. But they didn't trust each other. Loki had been a... Troubled kid so to speak. The self doubt and jealousy instilled in him from such a young age made him angry and quick to lash out. Thor, being the source of that jealousy, would often be on the receiving end. At the same time Thor had let his friends pick on Loki, and sometimes would join in. It still hurt Loki years later, and their parent's deaths while Loki was in jail for a crime he didn't commit, only drove a bigger wedge between them. They didn't talk much anymore.
So to have Thor show up with little to no warning while Loki was already stressed was a recipe for disaster. Disaster meaning Loki probably lashing out for the first time in an entire decade, around Tony for the first time, and as a first impression on Tony's friends. So yeah, he was staying in the basement.
Loki's plans were foiled as Tony entered the basement, that awful worried look on his face. “Lokes?” He didn't come too close, clearly trying to read his boyfriend's face.
“What do you want?” Loki grumbled, hiding his face in his knees. A few footsteps, and then Loki felt a hand on his shoulder. He didn't pull away. It felt nice.
“You vanished after Thor showed up,” Tony squatted down so his head was aligned with Loki's. “Is something wrong?”
Loki bit his lip, trying to find the right words. “Do you remember what I told you about my brother?” He asked slowly, raising his head just a bit.
“The dick one that used to bully you?” Tony responded. “I don't see how that's relat-'' He stopped, seeming to realize what was going on.
“Thor would be that brother.” Loki moved his head up all the way so he could hug his knees. Tony moved closer so he could take Loki's hands in his.
“Shit Lokes, I didn't realize...” Tony said. Loki looked at him, and felt his gut plummet. Tony looked guilty. No, no, no, no! He fucked up, this wasn't supposed to happen this wasn't supposed to be Tony's last year.
“It's fine, you couldn't have known.” Loki said quickly, curling his and Tony's fingers together. “He isn't such a dick now so it'd be ridiculous for me to expect you to realize.”
Tony nodded a bit, bending down to kiss Loki's hands. The familiar butterflies swirled around Loki's stomach, turning his ears and cheeks pink. After a few minutes of silence Tony, being the wiseass he was, spoke up.
“Your parents had very creative naming choices. I mean Frigga and Odin met, saw a chance and fucking took it.” Tony said with a grin. Loki laughed, shaking his head.
“They sure did.” Loki said, about to get up. However before he could Tony moved closer, face full of so much affection it was almost overwhelming.
“And I'm really glad they did. Otherwise, I wouldn't have you.” Tony said, giving Loki's cheek a quick kiss before moving backwards. Loki felt his heart flutter and break at the same time. Tony was so just perfect, and here Loki was lying to him.
“Tony I need to tell you something...” Loki started, looking down. He could do this. It was just a few words. Just 'You have 730 years left'.
“Can it wait love? We have all the time in the world!” Tony grabbed Loki's hand and pulled him up. “Plus, the others are waiting.”
As the two walked back to the living room Loki felt off. Tony rarely shut him down like that. Something was going on. But before he could figure it out he was dragged into a tight bear hug.
“Loki!” Thor shouted. “I didn't know YOU were Stark's boyfriend!” He was grinning like a puppy. And despite Loki's built up resentment of Thor, he couldn't help but smile. Maybe this wouldn't be so bad after all.
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25
Time sped by after that. Together Loki and Tony hit every milestone way faster than normal. They adopted a cat and probably too many plants(the closest things to a child they were fine with), went on long vacations together, technically went to mete the others parents(they went to the graves), fought through multiple mental health crises and close to death incidents, and started to act like an old married couple. And as two years became one, and one year became six months, and the time kept decreasing, Loki stopped looking at his timer. He sometimes forgot about it entirely. Because he was happy now, and that's all that seemed to matter. It was on the marker of 25 days left, when he was reminded.
Loki was sitting out on the porch, watching the night sky. He liked the picture Frigga and Tony's mother were up there together, watching their sons. Sometimes, on the days Loki remembered the timer, he'd imagine Tony meeting them. Frigga hugging Tony and maybe even thanking him for all that he did. It was comforting, on the nights where comfort elsewhere was lacking.
Tony walked up behind Loki. “What are you looking at?” He asked, hand tightening on a box behind his back.
“The stars,” Loki replied. “They're brighter tonight.” He felt very far away, but not in a bad way. Like he was a child daydreaming on this moment, and it was not really happening. Tony followed his gaze, and nodded a bit.
“I guess they are,” Tony said, looking back at Loki. “Maybe they're waiting for something?” He switched the box into his other hand.
“What would that b-” As Loki turned around Tony slipped down onto one knee, holding out the box. Loki completely froze in shock.
“I know we've been moving really quickly, but I mean we might as well keep that up,” Tony said nervously. “So, Loki, the love of my life, the most amazing human out there and literally my soulmate, will you marry me?”
There were a thousand things that could have gone through Loki's mind. A thousand that probably should have. Like the fact that Tony would be dead in not even a month, or that there was no way that Tony would survive till the wedding or literally anything related to Tony's upcoming death. But instead there was just a happy buzz. There weren't any thoughts, not even any worry. So without missing a beat Loki answered.
“Yes, absolutely.” Loki's voice shook a bit. Tony got to his feet and slipped the ring onto Loki's finger. It was a silver band with a small reddish orange stone. Though Loki paid little attention to it as he stole Tony's mouth for a kiss.
It wasn't until later that night Loki would realize how bad this was. Tony would be dead in 25 days, well, 24 by the time Loki realized. That wasn't enough time. Tony was almost gone and Loki had just gotten engaged to him. There wasn't enough time to set up the wedding, and Tony had no idea. Loki didn't get any sleep after that.
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0
The weeks sped by too quickly. Loki desperately grasped each one, hoping to strangle the last of his moments with his soulmate out of them. They planned the wedding for June... Only two months away. Not that it mattered. It wasn't soon enough. Loki that morning, feeling normal. It was only when he turned to find Tony he was reminded. Because Tony wasn't there. Panic set in. Had it already happened? Did he not get the chance to at least say goodbye? The timer didn't have anything but days.
As quickly as he could Loki sprung from their shared bed and rushed to find Tony. He was so panicked he didn't even hear the sound of Tony making breakfast until he sped around the corner. He let out a small breath. Tony wasn't dead... Yet.
“Good morning love.” Tony said, not turning around. Loki made up his mind then and there. He had to tell tony. It had been two years of trying to but not getting the chance.
“Tony I need to tell you something that I should have told you way sooner. You're going to-” Loki started, but before he could finish, Tony cut him off.
“Loki I'm about to go out. It can wait,” Tony's voice was sharp, and he still wouldn't look at Loki. He seemed focused on whatever he was doing. “We're out of milk.”
“Well I can go get some and you can stay here.” Loki suggested desperately. So many things could happen to Tony if he left. Still, Tony refused.
“No. I'm going.” Tony started towards the door. It was then Loki realized he looked mad. Tony was mad at him. Loki's panic worsened. This was possibly Tony's last moments with Loki, and he was mad. There was so much Loki needed to say, needed to do. He could stop this. He could protect Tony. He had to. He'd promised himself he'd keep Tony safe but... He couldn't.
All Loki could do was desperately hover his hand in midair and say, “Tony... I'm sorry. Please... Just stay.” His voice was barely audible. Loki could see Tony's wince, despite that he was facing the other way.
Tony's head turned, showing not anger but pain, sympathy, fear, but somewhere in there, love. “You know I can't,” His voice shook, as though he knew what was coming. “You'll be alright.”
Loki watched as Tony left, and sank to the floor. He couldn't stop it. Tony's death had been looming over him for years now, and it was finally here.
It took Loki only ten minutes to get the call.
Tony had been in a bad car accident. He was in the hospital, and had begged for someone to call Loki. Luckily the hospital wasn't too far away and Loki managed to get there in a decently quick time. Getting to Tony was a blind panic. Loki didn't even know what was going on, but that haze cleared when he saw Tony.
Tony was hooked up to a bunch of machines, and seemingly almost unconscious. His heartbeat was off, wrong. Loki had fallen asleep listening to his heartbeat. This wasn't what it was supposed to be. He was covered in bandages that were too white, the noise in the background was too loud. This wasn't where Tony's last moments were supposed to be.
“Tony... Please...” Loki mumbled, reaching out to grab Tony's hand. “You have to get through this, you'll survive please.”
Tony looked at him, eyes just barely open. “No I won't. You know that,” He squeezed Loki's hand. “I'm not leaving this hospital.”
The smallest spark of confusion must've shown on Loki's face because Tony laughed a bit. Judging by his expression after it hurt to do so. “I knew. For a while. You mumbled about it in your sleep a few months in.”
Loki froze. Even his shaking had stopped. Tony had known. All along. “But-But what? Why did you propose, why did you let things move so fast, why didn't you tell me?”
“Probably the same reasons you had. It felt right, and I didn't want to believe that my death was so close.” Tony sighed, looking up at the ceiling.
Loki's grip tightened on Tony's hand, tears cascading down his face even faster. “Tony please stay with me.”
Tony looked at him, eyes brimmed with tears of his own. “Loki, promise me you'll move on. Find some other person who's soulmate is gone, don't spend the rest of your life grieving me.”
Before Loki could refuse Tony slipped out of consciousness. For the first time. He spent the rest of the day slipping in and out. Like he was still desperately grasping to life. Thor, Steve, Natasha, Clint and Bruce all showed up, though they didn't all go into the room at the same time. They seemed to rotate. Not that Loki paid that much attention to them.
It was midnight. The stars were shining through the window, just as bright as the night Tony proposed. Tony had regained his consciousness. All of the others were out. And neither Loki nor Tony could manage words for ten minutes. Finally,
“I want to be a star when I die. So I can watch over you.” Tony said, sounding very far away. Loki tightly gripped Tony's hand, as though he was trying to bring Tony back down to their world.
“You're not dying,” Loki said, voice sharp. “You're going to make it through this.” Tony smiled weakly at him and shook his head.
“Lokes, you know I won't.” Tony leaned closer, and kissed Loki. He fell back onto the pillow after, staring out the window again. A small smile fell onto his face.
Tony looked at Loki, rubbing his hand over Loki's the same way he always did. “Oh shit,” He mumbled, tears falling from his eyes. “Sorry.”
Loki froze, the memory of their first meeting hitting him. Tony's eyes fell half closed, and his hand fell limp against Loki's. He didn't need to hear the last long beep to alert him of the death. For the colors that Loki had gotten so used to started to fade away again. And the last blurt of color had been the first one he ever saw. The warm color of Tony's eyes.
“No, No, no please come back stay with me.” Loki spluttered out through his tears, clutching Tony. The door opened, though Loki paid it no mind. He'd just lost everything. He'd failed. He had failed Tony. He was supposed to be able to protect him, stop this from happening but...
A strong hand landed on Loki's shoulder, and a voice Loki later learned was Thor saying something to him. He couldn't hear it. He wanted to scream, he wanted to cuss or punch. He wanted to lash out, to send these feelings out. But for the first time ever he couldn't. Tony was dead, gone forever.
------
Loki never really moved on from Tony... He never met another person who lost their soulmate he clicked with. He might have if he tried but he just couldn't. He found a star to be Tony. And picked two closer to it to be Frigga and Maria. And after some time to change(and go to therapy), he picked two more for Odin and Howard. Though they'd kinda been pricks in life, Loki had a feeling they'd change at least a bit.
And even though Loki never found another partner, he still had a support web. A support web that came from Tony. And maybe, just maybe one day in the future, Loki would reunite with Tony in whatever afterlife awaited him..