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Jared knows something's wrong the minute Jensen walks in the door. It's not hard to tell, actually, with the way Jensen drops his bag on the floor and toes off his shoes, and is crawling into Jared's lap within fifteen seconds. Jared shifts to make room on the couch, but Jensen stays where he is, draped across Jared's body with his face against Jared's neck.
"Hi," Jared says, turning down Sports Center and wrapping his arms around Jensen. "You good?"
Jensen nods, shrugs, and then shakes his head. "I'm fine," he says, into Jared's skin, not very convincingly.
"Okay," Jared says, and gives him a hug. He can feel Jensen smile, so he hugs a little tighter until Jensen huffs and lifts his head.
"Sorry," he says. His face is drawn and a little pale, and Jared smoothes a hand across his forehead and down his cheek. "I just-- I should be used to it, or immune to it, or something professional like that. Christ."
"Used to what?" Jared asks. Jensen's heavy and comfortable in his lap, and he kind of likes having him here like this, fully clothed, curled up with his heels against Jared's thigh and his arms around Jared's neck.
"Patients passing away," Jensen says quietly. "I'm-- I'm sorry, you don't want to hear this."
"I do if it's bugging you," Jared says, and he leans in to press a quick kiss to Jensen's lips. He's seen dead bodies, and people getting shot-- hell, he's been in the line of fire-- but he's never actually seen anyone die.
Jensen groans and puts his head back on Jared's shoulder. "It doesn't matter."
"Hey," Jared says, and he tips Jensen off his lap onto the cushions to crawl on top and frame Jensen with his hands and knees. "It does matter. It matters to the family, and the doctor, it's allowed to matter to you."
Jensen almost smiles, sad and grateful. "Sepsis," he says, reaching up and sinking his fingers into Jared's hair. "Guy came in for an appendectomy, and it ruptured before they opened him up. They thought they cleaned it all up, I guess, but he crashed, I don't know, three hours after the surgery. Just like that. Fucking sucked. Nothing worked."
Jared's not sure what to say now, so he lowers himself into the cradle of Jensen's body and curls his arms around Jensen's neck. Jensen kisses the top of his head and takes a deep breath. They lie there silently for a few minutes, and Jared listens to Jensen's heart beating in his chest, strong and steady.
"Okay," Jensen says finally, "thanks. I'm gonna-- probably be kind of lame tonight, but I'm-- I'm good. Thanks."
"You're never lame."
"Yeah, say that again when I plead a headache and don't give you a blowjob."
"I can give blowjobs," Jared says, indignant. "It's not all about me."
Jensen smiles for real that time, and that's all Jared wants.