Work Text:
It was cold and wet. Why is it always cold and wet when they do this? The rain had soaked through Reki’s shoes, collecting in a puddle under his socks. Wet socks suck, probably the worst feeling in the world is wet socks.
No, actually, the worst feeling in the world is this. Langa stood in front of Reki, his snowy hair glowed under the streetlight, illuminating his beat up face. Stupid idiot should have listened. Why didn't he listen?
“I told you not to race him.” Reki deadpanned, staring at the glowing boy in front of him. “Now, look at you.”
Langa stood quiet for a moment, his eyes fixated on his feet below him. Maybe his socks were wet too, maybe he was thinking about how much wet socks suck. Does this moment suck just as much for him as it does for Reki?
“I know, Reki.” He spoke softly, running a pale hand through his damp hair.
God, he was so infuriating. This feeling was infuriating. “Why are you here then? Did you just come to gloat or something?” Reki asked, watching the boy standing in front of him. His heart fluttered in his chest. “My socks are wet. I'd like to go inside and change them, if you don't mind.” He spoke again when Langa didn't, seeming paralized in front of him.
So be it, not my problem. Reki thought to himself.
“Um,” Langa spoke up suddenly, just as Reki was about to turn and walk away. “I have something for you.”
“I don't want it.” Reki lied, he did want it. Whatever it was.
“Can I show it to you, at least?” Langa asked, stepping closer to Reki. Reki could hear his wet socks squishing against his shoe as he walked.
Maybe he deserves the wet socks. No, that's not true. No one deserves wet socks, especially not Langa.
“No.” Reki spoke again. Yes. “I don't want anything from you.” I want anything you have to offer me. I miss you.
“Please.” Langa begged, taking another step closer.
Yes. “No, Langa.”
“Why?” A step closer, Reki could feel his warm breath. His feet felt glued to the ground, he couldn't move even if he wanted to. He didn't want to.
Please show me, I can't live without you. “If it’s like, a stupid metal from your stupid tornament I don't wanna see it.” Reki whined, crossing his arms over his chest.
“It’s not, I promise.” Langa spoke softly, taking a small step closer. Reki’s stomach leaped, he might throw up. He just nodded in response, looking up at the taller boy.
Langa’s eyes connected to Reki’s and stayed there as he reached into his back pocket and pulled out a shard of what looked like wood. It looked familiar, but he couldn't put a finger on it. What was the point of this? Reki had made it clear he didn't want to live in Langa’s shadow. That he couldn't bear being looked over anymore. So, why is Langa here? After two weeks of Reki ignoring him why doesn't he get it?
Living without Langa hurts, but living in his shadow is worse.
“You're giving me trash?” Reki scoffed, looking at the piece of wood sitting in Langa’s hand. It looked like it had been broken off a bigger piece of wood haphazardly, yet the sides seemed like they were sanded down. Reki looked back up from the pathetic offering to see a pair of glowing pale eyes complementing pale skin looking down at him. His heart leapt to his throat, suddenly blocking his words.
I don't want whatever it is. He wanted to say, shoving Langa away in the rain. He did want it though. He wanted to trace his fingers over the smoothed down edges, and grip it where Langa had just now. He wanted to put it under his pillow, or display it from his side table, because it was a gift from Langa and anything he had to offer Reki wanted to keep.
Except he couldn't, he couldn't take this offering because he was still so mad. It wasn't Langa he was angry at either, it was himself. That he had let himself get left behind, that he had been so complacent and focused on this boy that he let himself get behind, letting all of his friends leave him alone. He was so angry that he couldn't be like them, that he couldn't live up to their standards. None of it was their fault, and it certainly wasn't Langa’s.
But, there was the broken promise that seemed to hang above their heads as they spoke, the shards just waiting to crash down on the two boys tearing them to pieces.
“It’s hardly trash, Reki.” Langa laughed softly, “Look closer.” Even despite Reki’s attitude and clear distaste for this conversation Langa seemed like he was on a mission. He wouldn't budge.
Reki leaned closer to the wood in Langa’s hand and noticed something all too familiar. A small ‘R.K.’ was scratched into the surface of the wood, the fresh pine seeping through and contrasting the paint that sat on top of it. Above it sat another carving that read; ‘L.H.’ The second set of initials seemed more fresh than the other one, like it had been done at a later time and simply added to the wood.
The memories came crashing back. Reki looked up at Langa towering over him, his eyes were soft and familiar, Reki wanted to swim in them. Rendered speechless, which is rare for someone like Reki, he just stared up at the boy above him, illuminated by the streetlamp above them. Light reflected off Langa’s pale hair and shone brighter as it got caught in the water droplets soaking every part of the two boys. Suddenly Reki didn't care anymore. His wet socks could wait.
“It's your board, or your old one.” Langa spoke softly, running his finger over the carved initials side by side. “It was the first board I ever skated on, when you accidentally gave that guy at S the wrong one. Once you made me a new one we never used this one again, but it's my favorite.”
“Why is it broken?” Reki asked, his eyes not able to look away from the boy in front of him.
“I accidentally ran it over with my bike.” Langa said embarrassingly, rubbing the back of his neck. “That's not the point.” He laughed weakly as his eyes found Reki’s. Suddenly, the world stopped. The ground fell underneath them and the rain froze in the air. Nothing else mattered, nothing else even came close to mattering as much as this moment did.
All that was left was blue and red.
“I was stupid.” Langa mumbled after a while, his eyes not leaving Reki’s. Reki wanted to look away, he wanted to break the moment and shove Langa away. He wanted to scold him and yell and scream for being so reckless, for breaking their promise and for leaving him behind. Yet, he also wanted to grab Langa’s torso and hug him close, he wanted to cry into the taller boy until you couldn't tell if his shirt was wet from the rain or from Reki’s tears. He wanted to scream until his voice was hoarse.
Reki wanted to kiss Langa until his lips felt numb.
But, he didn't do any of that, he just stared.
“I don't expect you to forgive me.” Langa continued, pressing the piece of wood that suddenly had so much meaning to Reki’s chest. His hand flew up and placed itself over Langa’s. “But, I’m sorry.”
“I’m still mad at you.” Reki replied, the sound of his own voice surprising even himself. “Why did you give me this?” He asked, staring down at their two hands placed on Reki’s chest, neither of them budged.
“You're the reason I’m here. You're the reason I wake up in the morning and make breakfast. The reason I go to school and do my homework. It’s all you.” Langa admitted, letting his free hand brush away Reki’s wet bangs hanging in front of his eyes, his hand lingering on the slightly shorter boy's face. “I was so lost after I lost my dad, and my love for snowboarding by default. I didn't know who I was or what I wanted or why I even tried to get out of bed. Then, you and this stupid board flew past me and suddenly I was reminded.”
Reki’s heart had almost stopped beating. “Why me, though? I’m not anything special.” He mumbled, looking down at his feet. His wet socks felt especially wet, his sorrow especially heavy. He took a step back, letting the piece of wood fall to the ground. Suddenly, the frozen rain started again and the ground materialized back under him. “I don't get it.”
Langa was incredibly stubborn as it turned out, almost as stubborn as Reki. He bent down and picked up his gift, then followed Reki’s step back, not letting him put distance between them.
“Reki,” Langa whispered, a red blush gathering on the apples of his cheeks. “I think you're incredible. I think you're the best person I’ve ever known in my entire life.”
“Don't lie to me,” Reki scowled at Langa, having a hard time believing those words.
“I wouldn't do that.” Langa replied, shaking his head quickly. “I’m not lying, Reki.”
“You lied before, you broke our promise.” Reki deadpanned, pushing Langa back. The lanky boy tripped over his own feet and fell on his ass, the world shook underneath Reki as he watched.
“You don't get to come here and tell me you're sorry and give me a gift and look at me and tell me that I’m your reason to live when you already fucked off and skated with Adam even though I told you I didn't want you to. You promised me you wouldn't and then you did!” Reki yelled, extending his arms dramatically in front of him to prove a point. His head crowded with too many thoughts all at once he couldn't hear himself talk. “You left me behind. You and everyone else didn't care about me enough to stop and wait. Now I’m here alone and you don't give a shit. If I was really everything to you, Langa, you wouldn't have broken our promise and you wouldn't have skated with him!”
Reki could feel himself tearing apart at the seams the more he looked at Langa. He wanted Langa to fight back, he wanted him to scream and yell and fight back. But he never would, and Reki knew that. He was perfect at everything he did and Reki could never live up to that.
When Langa didn't speak, just looked up at him with his stupid beautiful blue eyes, Reki filled the silence. “I’m sorry I’m not a good enough friend for you, Langa. I’m sorry I don't want to see you get hurt. I’m going inside now.”
“Reki, please.” Langa begged, standing back up on his feet. “Please, don't leave me here.” His voice broke as he spoke. Reki tried not to care, but it was the hardest thing he’d ever done.
“You left me.” Reki argued.
“I know,” Langa agreed, nervously fiddling with the piece of wood in his hands. “I’m sorry.”
“Yeah.” Reki mumbled, biting on the inside of his lip. Nervous habit. “Goodnight, Langa.” He mumbled, turning on his heels to walk back to the house. His wet socks squished under the weight of his body. He would rather wear wet socks for the rest of his life then feel this way ever again.
He felt broken.
“Reki, please!” Langa repeated again, now seeming more desperate than before. Reki turned around to look at the boy behind him, and it looked like Langa was falling apart too. Two broken boys, sitting in the rain. A desperate sob escaped Langa’s mouth as he yelled, “I’m in love with you! Please, please, don’t leave.”
Reki’s heart really did stop beating that time, the overwhelming thoughts in his head all stopped talking and once again the rain froze. “What?” He asked. Surely, he must have heard him wrong.
“I love you.” Langa repeated, his face flushed red. “Um– I think. Or I like you, a lot. Not as a friend.” He rambled, his japanese suffering as his voice became shaky and nervous. “A-and as a friend too! But, like, more than that.” He finished. “If that's okay.”
Reki, once again at a loss for words for the second time that night, had almost forgotten why he was so angry as he looked at the boy in front of him struggle out a confession. His mind was empty as he stared back at Langa.
“If you love me, why did you do it?” Reki asked, taking a few steps closer to Langa.
“I wanted to feel something.” Langa admitted, “I just hadn't realized I couldn't without you there. You're the reason I love what I do.” He took a slight step closer, eyes not leaving eyes.
Reki felt like his heart might give out, it was beating at a million beats a minute. “Because you love me.” He repeated Langa’s words, grazing his own fingers over his lips as the words fell out of his mouth. It didn't seem real.
“So much it hurts.” Langa mumbled.
Reki couldn't speak, his heart leaped into his throat making him choke on his words. There was so much swarming around in his head he couldn't even begin to understand what was going on. Langa loved him. Not as a friend, as something more. He thought he was amazing and worth something.
Reki hated that he wasn't as good as Langa, that his prodigy had surpassed him and done it in record time. He felt left behind and abandoned, like something was holding him back without even knowing what it was. But, as Reki looked up at the taller boy in front of him, illuminated by the street lights outside of his house, he could see Langa was being held back too. Held back by Reki.
Not because Reki wasn't as talented, or as good at skating, or because Langa felt like he was too good for Reki. He was being held back because Reki wasn't there to support him, and love him back.
“Langa,” He whispered, staring terrified up at him.
“You don't have to forgive me.” He replied, placing a soft hand on Reki’s shoulder. His heart jumped in his chest. “I just wanted you to know–”
“That you love me.” Reki finished, eyes glued on Langa. Suddenly, Reki’s mind cleared in an instant and only one thought occupied him.
Four words danced on his tongue.
I love you, too.
Langa nodded in response, sucking his bottom lip between his teeth, his hand rose up to Reki’s face, the pad of his thumb wiping a droplet off his cheek. It sent shivers down his spine. Reki had forgotten it was raining, he didn't care.
“Is that okay?” Langa asked again nervously, his hand now stationed on the side of Reki’s face. Reki wanted to cement it there, not ever letting Langa’s pale hand move from his face. The boys' lanky fingers found their way into Reki’s firey hair.
“You chose the worst possible time, you know?” Reki responded, a smile coming to his lips. He hadn't genuinely smiled since he and Langa stopped talking.
“I panicked.” Langa explained, shuffling closer to Reki until the toes of their shoes touched. “Go out with me?”
Reki laughed softly, causing Langa to shrink in embarrassment. He didn't mean to laugh, but Langa was such a stupid gentle giant he couldn't help it. Those blue eyes pierced through Reki’s skin as he awaited an answer, it was almost fun to watch Langa squirm uncomfortably in his own skin as he nervously waited. Reki carefully placed one of his hands to the side of Langa’s neck, admiring the warmth of his skin underneath him, despite the rain crashing down on them for almost too long now, Langa still managed to run hot.
“I’m still mad at you,” Reki reiterated, letting his hand fall to Langa’s shoulders. A smile tugged at the corners of his lips.
“That’s okay.” Langa replied, resting his hands on Reki’s waist. The touch burned his skin through his wet clothes, the dampness not enough to extinguish the flame.
“Can I kiss you?” Reki asked, his eyes drifting from Langa’s lips to his eyes and back again. His usually busy mind only occupied one thought, and it burned through his skull so hot he was pretty sure he was steaming in the cold rain.
They're gonna get sick from this, and it will all be Langa’s fault. Not that he’s complaining though.
“Please.” Langa whispered in response, blinking down at Reki.
Quickly, Reki closed the gap between the two of them, too anxious to draw it out any longer or to tease Langa anymore than he already had. Langa’s lips were softer than Reki had imagined them being, though he’s not sure lips aren't all this soft. He’d only kissed one other person when he was 12 and it was only an accident when she thought he was someone else. Reki would like to think Langa’s soft lips were unique only to him, because Langa was soft. He was soft around the edges and hard in the middle, giving off a misleading nature when anyone meets him. Reki knows Langa better than he knows himself. He knows that he’s shy and timid to the whole world but the second he feels any sort of excitement or joy he’ll go chasing it down for as long as he can. He knows that Langa is persistent and stubborn as a bull, not letting anyone get in his way once he has a thought in mind. It's a blessing and a curse.
Right now though, Reki would like to think it's a blessing. As Langa’s abnormally soft lips moved against Reki’s in a way that made his heart sing, he felt like nothing else mattered but right now. This moment, this kiss, this boy. Langa snaked his arm further around Reki’s waist to pull him closer, deepening their kiss in the process. Reki responded with an embarrassing noise that resembled a whine leaving his mouth, letting his arm drape around Langa’s neck.
He pulled away slowly and looked at the pale figure in front of him, suddenly lit up with a mosaic of colors. “If you tell anyone I made that noise, I’ll break up with you.” He warned, placing one last kiss on the corner of Langa’s mouth.
“I’ll do whatever you say for the rest of my life.” Langa cooed, pinching Reki’s skin above his pant line. “For all I’m concerned, from this point on your word is law.”
“You're just saying that cause you don't want me to get mad at you again.” Reki teased, knocking the back of Langa’s head playfully trying to conceal his giggle from the innocent pinch.
“True,” Langa admitted, a small smirk on his lips. “But, also because I really like kissing you and would like to do that more.”
Reki could feel his entire face turn red, “Can't kiss me when I’m mad at you.” He teased, smirking right back.
“Just did though.” Langa teased back, placing a small kiss along his jawline. Reki hummed in response.
He wasn't wrong. Reki still was mad at Langa, but all those reasons seemed so childish now. All Reki wanted to do was kiss the boy above him until he could no longer feel his face. To hold onto him like his life depended on it, because it very honestly did.
Reki didn't feel the wetness of his socks anymore, or the uncomfortable feeling of sorrow in his chest. None of it mattered anymore as the snow covered boy glanced down at him, the light in his eyes glistening in the dark cold air.
Then, almost on cue, it stopped raining.