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Communications from the coast where Lisa was stationed were sparse, containing only succint reports of Lisa's implementations that she was carrying out as well as a short account of her attempts to quell the bandits terrorising the area. From Jisoo's grim outlook and the few messages she had seen, Lisa seemed to be having a hard time completing her task.
"Four weeks might not be enough," Lisa wrote in her clear, practical handwriting. Whilst reading, Chaeyoung imagined Lisa's steady voice tinged with frustration reading the words to her.
"Defences are weak and few villagers are able-bodied to fight. I am trying to keep the situation in perspective and will work on fortifying the defence walls as well. Unfortunately, I don't think it will be an easy job subduing the bandits, they are brutal and put up a terrific fight—I have already incurred some losses after several rounds of battering. This is going to be pretty much a battle of longevity. Going forward, I will exercise more caution to not expend what little resources we have.
Capt. L Manoban"
Chaeyoung hadn't expected for any words to be addressed to herself specifically but it still pained her that the only news she had of Lisa and her soldiers were the irregular reports Jisoo received. Each time, she and Jennie would drop everything they were doing and race to Jisoo's office, where all three read the message together.
Frustratingly, Lisa never mentioned how she was doing, or if she missed anyone but afterwards, Chaeyoung had to remind herself to be patient.
She had to remind herself that Lisa was a warrior dealing with a difficult situation. Lisa was too busy fighting to entertain silly thoughts of Chaeyoung or the status of their relationship. And Lisa had only just now started to open up; it would be a reach to expect her to get sentimental in a military report, one that could potentially be intercepted and fall in wrong hands.
Yet, Chaeyoung held out on the slightest sliver of hope and she ran to Jisoo's office eagerly each time a messenger arrived.
Weeks passed, each day creeping by slower than the previous day like a snake idly slithering along the path in the baking sun.
While she waited for Lisa's (victorious) return, Chaeyoung trained with Jennie and Seulgi or had lessons with Jisoo. She obeyed Lisa's wish and didn't step out of the palace unaccompanied.
When Seugi offered to go to the beach once, Chaeyoung refused on the grounds that some message from Lisa might arrive, or Lisa might come back anytime, and she didn't want to miss the moment Lisa returned.
Seulgi seemed to understand her true reason, judging by her softened eyes. She proved to be an understanding and kind partner, soft-spoken and quick on her feet although Lisa had an edge to her. Chaeyoung didn't mean to compare but she found herself missing Lisa's snarky barbs and witty remarks paired with her barked instructions.
When she wasn't training or in lessons, Chaeyoung spent her time in Lisa's garden, next to the cook's vegetable patch. She liked to settle under a fig tree and read Jisoo's books in the shade, or else if the sun wasn't too hot, she worked on Lisa's garden, tending to flowers and weeding or watering or spreading mulch.
"That girl is quite something," Cookie remarked when Chaeyoung had gone to her the moment Lisa departed. "She's been working on this for a long time...I always wondered what had gotten into her head...."
Cookie—a busty, ruddy faced woman with twinkling eyes and a nose like a potato—towered over Chaeyoung as she smiled warmly. "The Captain did mention that one day she was gonna show it to you. Reckon I was too blind to see what she meant. Follow me honey."
Dazed and unwilling to let herself put too much hope into the meaning behind the woman's words, Chaeyoung followed Cookie through the bustling, steaming kitchen with spicy aromas and scented herbs clinging to her clothes and hair.
They emerged out of the backdoor that led to the palace vegetable garden and followed a winding path towards the periphery, passing through all sorts of neatly lined furrows and flourishing plants bearing fruits and vegetables. Chaeyoung walked through this small oasis of quiet, with birdsong accompanying her quick steps that gradually slowed down to be able to absorb the wonderfully tranquil ambience.
Was she seeing what Lisa saw? Was she hearing the same birdsong? Was she stepping in Lisa's ghostly footsteps?
"It's just beyond this gate," Cookie gestured to the brick moon gate before them, "go on ahead. I have to get back to work now. If you want to potter around, tools are in the little shed at the end. I suppose it wouldn't hurt because nobody will be looking after it now that she's away and I heard you got green fingers so....knock yourself out."
Silently, as though almost afraid to break some spell woven in the sacred silence around her once Cookie left, Chaeyoung walked through the gate, instantly stopping and clapping her hands to her mouth in vain effort to stifle her squeal.
Multi-coloured blooms crowded her vision, all arranged in patches with each type of flower occupying its own area juxtaposed to matching species and interwoven with greenery which allowed for a harmonious appearance. The shade of an elm tree looked inviting and Chaeyoung spotted a rough bench made of branches sitting beneath it. She made her way towards it, carefully stepping on the pathway of stones to avoid stepping on freshly dug up soil.
"She wanted to bring seashells and line up the path with them," Seulgi told her afterwards, "because she said you both liked the sea and it would look pretty and serves as a reminder."
Chaeyoung sat on the small bench and wondered about Lalisa Manoban, the taciturn girl whom she was only now just starting to scrape the surface of, yet felt as though she had known her for a long, long time.
>
Seulgi helped Chaeyoung with her mission to keep Lisa's garden as well maintained as possible. Having green fingers proved helpful for Chaeyoung and she was surprised to find Seulgi wasn't a bad hand at it either.
"My uncle was a farmer. I used to help around a lot before I ran away with Lisa's help and joined the army with her and Jisoo," Seulgi explained.
Chaeyoung stopped watering and straightened up to squint at Seulgi. "Ran away?"
"He used to beat me a lot for the littlest thing that irritated him," Seulgi shrugged. "Lisa knew about my situation and helped me get out of there."
Yet another tidbit that Lisa had never mentioned regarding Seulgi, her friend whose past was much a mystery as Lisa herself. Seulgi had told her some stories about Lisa before, but never about herself, which made Chaeyoung curious.
Then there was also that niggling thought at the back of her head of Lisa and Seulgi possibly harbouring some level of affection for each other....
"You're like Lisa," Seulgi laughed, "you're thinking so hard your head's gonna pop. Just ask me Chaeyoung. Do you want to know about me?"
With a shy nod, Chaeyoung bit her lip. "Well not exactly but...you and Lisa...are very close umm...have you ever...you know...."
Her face was ablaze, she could feel it as much, but the heat faded a bit when Seulgi snickered.
"Oh you bet we did...just once though," she added with a shudder. "We were drunk and horny. Afterwards it was so nauseating, felt like I slept with my sister." Seulgi gagged. "I'm glad we were drunk out of our minds, I don't recollect much of it."
"Oh...oh...." Chaeyoung said with widened eyes.
"Take it from me Chaeyoung, she only has eyes for you now."
And there went Chaeyoung's face bursting into flames again (thankfully, not the literal kind.)
"Don't play coy. The both of you have been dancing around each other for a while now." Seulgi spread her arms wide. "Heck I've been her best friend since she was just a squirt and she never did something for me on this scale. I'm rather salty, truth be told, because I would have never thought of doing such a thing for my girl. Manoban got moves."
"Your girl?" Chaeyoung asked quickly, thankful for a diversion. "Oh are you and Wendy finally together?"
Seulgi gave a funny, lopsided smile, very much like Lisa's crooked grin when she was trying to paper over some hurt. "Ah no....no we're not...like that..."
Realising she had touched a nerve owing to the sudden shift in mood, Chaeyoung quickly apologised. "I'm sorry if I offended you Gi, I didn't mean to—"
"It's alright," Seulgi reassured her. She tipped her sun-hat, smiling wistfully. "It was a long time ago. And yes, you may ask about her," she finished with a chuckle. "I'm not going to break down or anything."
Chaeyoung swallowed. "Who was she?"
"Joohyun," Seulgi said quietly, reverently. She picked at her fingers. "She was elegant and refined for a common peasant girl. I met her on the streets, at the market. She had that air about her. And her smile and little laugh, they could brighten any day. I found myself stuttering like an idiot the first few times I tried to approach her but she simply smiled at me. I can't even remember exactly how we started off talking anf being friends, but I do remember she gave me my first kiss when I asked her to be my girlfriend and it was amazing...."
Chaeyoung smiled, hearing the warm fondness in Seulgi's voice as she spoke. "Did anyone know about you?"
"Lisa and Jisoo knew I had someone but they didn't pry too much, preferring to tease me instead. Well, Jisoo and Lisa at the time were vying for Jennie too...but anyway. Joohyun's father wanted to marry her off into a wealthy family and secure some money...like selling off cattle," she spat bitterly.
"But it didn't stop us. We...we had a great love," she smiled, eyes glazed with emotion. "It's still unbelievable that she chose me out of anyone else, that she fell for clumsy clueless ol'me. I almost deserted the army with Jisoo's and Lisa's full backing, just to take her away and elope or just run into the wild and live together, free..."
Chaeyoung felt the dread settle on her when Seulgi trailed off. "What...what happened?"
Seulgi sighed. "Jennie's brother Taehyung learned of her and came to get her himself."
"No..." Each time she heard Taehyung's name spoken nowadays after learning of his true nature, Chaeyoung felt rage seething deep within her. Countless people suffered because of him and his malicious, cruel and wicked machinations—now Seulgi had been a victim too?
"He had heard of her exquisite beauty and came down to the market to see for himself in person. And he was so enthralled by her that he offered her father ten times as much the starting price to take her to his palace and make her his concubine, or wife. Her father turned rich and mighty overnight. I had begged her to run away with me but the night before...the night before she didn't come to meet me at our rendezvouz. She never came and...I never learned why. I don't know if she was scared, or got caught...or decided that having riches and the country's most powerful man twirled around her thumb was a more feasible option than running away with a mere penniless soldier. "
"Seulgi..." Chaeyoung whispered. She reached out to rest a hand on the older girl. "I'm sorry..."
Seulgi's lips twitched up into a weak smile. "I never heard from her again. The pathetic thing about all this is that I still love her. I don't blame her for running away, for bailing out on me, for choosing a life of comfort instead of an uncertain future. When I'm sleeping around with courtesans, I pretend it's my Joohyun, to make it a little more bearable."
"Seulgi," Chaeyoung said again, at a loss. Her doubts and worries about her and Lisa paled in comparison to Seulgi's heartbreaking tale; in all the time she had known her, Chaeyoung would have never guessed the pain the girl silently carried in her heart.
"I'm telling you all this for a reason, Chaeyoung," Seulgi said at length. "Hang on to the people you love. Make sure you let them know you love them, as many times as possible. We live in dangerous, uncertain times. You can never tell when you will breathe your last, or even when you will see someone again...so tell them how much they mean to you while you're both still alive."
Chaeyoung had a deep rooted suspicion Seulgi was talking about her and Lisa, and her next words practically confirmed it.
"Lisa never cared for flowers, or gardening. She was all about swords and weapons and brawling and fighting," Seulgi remarked, caressing a nearby sunflower. "She's a thorny girl. But given the right person who cares about them, I figure even thorns can bloom into beautiful flowers." She winked at Chaeyoung. "So...do you think you got that or do I have to think of more flower analogies until you get the hint?"
"I got it...I think," Chaeyoung nodded.
She glanced around her, pleased that she had managed to keep Lisa's garden in pretty much the same shape as before. If she comes back, Lisa would be happy to know her hard work had not been for naught.
If she comes back.
Chaeyoung shook her head. No, Lisa is coming back. Fate couldn't let death claim either of them before they reunited and before Chaeyoung got her answers and spoke her heart.
She felt the shadow inside her stir, excited by her doubts and nagging thoughts, feeding gleefully off her endless anxiety and concern for Lisa's well-being.
"But what if...Lisa...what if..." she couldn't bring herself to finish the sentence, gritting her teeth as she sensed Hanaju's shadow rear up stronger, mocking her.
Strong hands landed on her shoulders, giving her a sense of deja vu but this time it was Seulgi eyeing her intently.
"Breathe with me Chaeyoung. Don't let it control you. You're in charge of yourself. Tell me three things you can feel."
Chaeyoung smiled weakly, recognising what Seulgi was doing. Because Lisa used to do the same. Her fingers scrabbled in the soil, feeling the texture between her fingers. "The ground. The soil and seeds in it. Clumpy and moist. The trowel, grainy handle."
"Very good. Tell me two things you can see."
"Sunflowers. Lilies..."
"One thing you smell."
Chaeyoung breathed in deeply, sensing her heart beat settling back in its normal rhythm. The shadow's grip on her faded into the usual distant ghostly grasp. "Green."
Seulgi lowered her hands, satisfied. "Very good Chaeyoung."
Lisa had been the one to discern that such a breathing exercise would help dissipate Chaeyoung's panic combined with the negative energy that Hanaju seemed to thrive on. After the kidnapping he had grown stronger but Lisa was always there, patient and more understanding than ever before.
It had to mean something right? This garden, her words, her promise to talk...but what if she didn't make it?
"She will be back, Chaeyoung," Seulgi insisted and Chaeyoung realised she had spoken out loud. "I know she will. Manoban has been in lots of tight spots before but she's as nimble as a cat. Have faith in her, and in Jisoo."
"But it's been so long," Chaeyoung said desolately. "Four weeks have come and gone. The fighting has not ceased. I can smell the fires from here...they don't go out at all."
The smell of smoke kept her up at night, even though Jennie had incense sticks burning in her bedchamber to try and mask the smell.
Her newly heightened senses meant she was able to pick out fires over huge distances, with the warmth and crackling of burning wood attracting her fire power like moths to light. Although she tried to hide it, with each passing day her longing to see Lisa intensified, especially when she had no concrete idea of what exactly was the situation at her end.
Chaeyoung could only hope and pray to the gods to look after Lisa, even if they were beings Lisa despised with deep-seated hatred, on account of her curse.
She remembered a conversation she had with the captain when she had suggested making an offering at the temple one day for fair blessing to be bestowed on the land. Lisa had sneered, prompting Chaeyoung to ask why.
"We're just playthings to them Chaeyoung, Lisa had told her bitterly. Just toys to entertain themselves with for amusement's sake. Our grief, our pain, our toil and troubles are their source of amusement as they laugh at our predicaments. They're nothing but a heartless and cruel lot."
"But there are kind and just gods too," Chaeyoung protested, "there can't be only evil, it has to be balanced by light otherwise, chaos would reign."
"And you think right now, these times we're living in is peace?" Lisa shook her head. "I've seen peace. I've seen countries prospering far away from here whilst on my travels, where our gods have no power or jurisdiction in their lands. Princess, we're on the brink of war. Any day now something will tip the balance and..." Lisa snapped her fingers to illustrate, "everything will blow away like hay in the wind."
"Jennie's goddess is a benevolent goddess," Chaeyoung tried again, "she loved mortals, she even lived amongst them for a while."
"Look how she ended up," Lisa snorted in contempt, "too weak, abandoned by the rest of Heaven, shunned and fated to be bound to...to him." She eyed the ruby ring on Chaeyoung's finger and sighed. "You go on ahead and make your offering, princess. But the gods aren't getting anything from me."
"Lisa will be back. I'm not giving up on her and neither are you," Seulgi said determinedly, waking Chaeyoung up from her reverie. "Why, I bet you this time tomorrow we'll have some piece of good news to cheer us all up."
>
They did not get good news.
Around noon, a shout rang out from the guard tower as they spotted a vanguard of soldiers approaching the palace. After assessing the situation, Jisoo quickly issued the order to let them in.
Into the palace courtyard rode the weary soldiers: battered, bruised and leaning on each other as they hobbled slowly, knock-kneed like hags bent under sacks.
Leading the sorry rabble were Joy and Yeri.
Or rather Joy with hair flying behind her as she galloped full tilt into the courtyard carrying Yeri in her arms.
"Get help!" Joy barked. "She's wounded! She's lost a lot of blood!"
From her position at the top of the stairs, Chaeyoung watched as Yeri's head rested limply against Joy's chest when the girl descended from the saddle, cradling her lover close.
Yeri's eyes were closed.
A flash of glistening red caught Chaeyoung's eyes and she covered her mouth in horror when she noticed Yeri's side was drenched in blood, covering Joy's hands as well.
Unbidden, an image of Lisa in Yeri's place flashed through her mind, pale and lifeless. Chaeyoung's breathing grew ragged as she forced herself to think of Lisa: breathing, cocky, smirking and alive.
"Make way!" Jisoo shouted as she quickly took control of the situation. "Get medic help for the soldiers. Someone take Yeri!"
It was a whirlwind of movement and orders as servants rushed to administer aid to the soldiers. Chaeyoung found herself running side by side with Jisoo and Joy following the court doctor.
"Tell Jen—her majesty! We need her powers right now!" Jisoo called to Chaeyoung. Just as Chaeyoung was obediently about to scurry away to notify Jennie, she thought of a better idea and skidded to a stop, closing her eyes and concentrating fully on her emphatic link.
Unnie? Unnie are you there? It's an emergency!
Chaeng? Jennie's voice rang out immediately in her head. What is it? What's going on?
Soldiers came from Lisa's battalion. They're in bad shape. Jisoo is with Joy and Yeri. Yeri is hurt.
Oh my goodness I'm coming, I'm coming! Jennie said immediately.
>
"She's clear," Jennie announced tiredly, sinking back against Jisoo as exhaustion took over her. The water power for healing especially took its toll on Jennie. Yeri's wound had been deep and although Joy did her best to staunch the flow, Yeri had lost a lot of blood.
"She didn't tell me," Joy covered her face, turning in Wendy's arms who was holding her comfortingly. "She had been trying to medicate it herself. She hid the wound and I didn't notice until our second day of march, she was too pale and barely sitting upright on her horse. If I didn't insist on checking her...if I didn't...."
Joy sank to her knees next to Yeri, shoulders shaking. "You stubborn idiot! Did you think you'd hinder me or something by telling me? You had me worried to death! I almost lost you!"
"Alright Joy, calm down, she's fine," Seulgi said sharply. "Now we'd all like to know what happened? And what's with the soldiers you brought with you? Have you deserted Lisa?"
Everyone turned to Seulgi looking at her like she had lost her mind.
"What?" Seulgi snapped. "Lisa isn't here with them so I can only assume the worst!"
"For your information, Lisa let us come home to get new supplies and fresh soldiers," Joy said, standing up and towering over Seulgi. "Things are rough out there Kang. Maybe if you'd care to come along, you can see for yourself."
"Fine, I'll go then. She's got nobody helping her right now so I should go."
"Seulgi we need to discuss this first. There's also Chaeyoung to think of. Lisa is counting on you to carry out her duty in her absence," Jisoo reminded mildly, still supporting a drowsy Jennie.
Seulgi bit her lip, glancing guiltily in Chaeyoung's direction before turning away. "Lisa needs someone to help her. Things are not looking up at all."
"Jisoo, we shouldn't waste time. Lisa could really use Seulgi's help," Joy added. "The bandits are not to be underestimated. They're more organised than your typical rabble and they got weapons...we have reason to believe Hanaju's cult is helping them. Maybe to recruit them too."
"Jisoo, maybe I should go," Chaeyoung voiced out. "With my power, I could—"
"No."
Everyone turned to Jennie, who suddenly straightened up. "Chaeyoung, we've talked about this. You're not stepping foot outside to fight, of all things."
"But things are different now!"Chaeyoung protested. "Can't you see? This is a crisis! Lisa is struggling, we're losing soldiers. And everyone's demoralised! She's with less soldiers right now because she let them come back to get fresh men, you heard Joy! Hanaju's cult...they're not to be messed with! She's...she's all alone out there and...and what if she..."
Chaeyoung gripped her hanbok tightly. "What if she's hurt?" she gritted out. "I'm tired of staying safe inside unnie. Please, let me do this. I know I can do it. And you know it too. It will help save everyone."
"Chaeyoung, believe me, I would let you go and show those bastards a lesson but it's too dangerous. Trust me on this..." Jennie sounded defeated. "You're letting emotions getting ahead of you—"
"It's not about Lisa!" Chaeyoung yelled, stamping her foot and charring the ground black where she stood. A small spire of smoke rose up from the burnt floor and wafted away through the open windows.
"Could have fooled me," Seulgi murmured in the stunned silence that followed.
"It's not," Chaeyoung insisted, "well okay partly, but aren't you all worried about her? Jisoo, she's alone out there!"
"Technically she has the rest of the soldiers and while yes there's a batch of them here, she does have a sizeable amount left to hold down fort," Joy pointed out.
"Not helping!" Chaeyoung rounded on Jennie again. "Jen, it's time I show them what I'm capable of, I can scare them away and give Lisa a chance to..."
She paused when she saw icicles forming along the edge of the bed upon which Yeri lay on, still unconscious. The air in the room suddenly turned frosty and everyone shivered, even though the sun outside blazed strongly. Everyone glanced nervously in between Chaeyoung and Jennie, whose fist was icing over, an indication of her anger.
Only Chaeyoung was immune and she stared back defiantly at Jennie's hard gaze.
"I thought I made myself clear Chaeyoung," Jennie said coldly, "you are not to use your powers unless I say so."
"Why?" Chaeyoung burst out. "How stubborn can you be? You think your cowardice is going to help anyone? People are in a war, Jennie, in case you didn't notice! Lisa and her troops are out there fighting against the odds to protect your own people and yet you have no qualms about helping her and leaving her to her fate? You're okay with people dying?"
"It has nothing to do with being stubborn," Jennie insisted, "I am trying to be cautious and not interfere in delicate matters—"
Chaeyoung threw her head back, laughing mirthlessly. "Excuses! Aren't you tired of being stuck inside, hiding behind the walls and behind Jisoo? Aren't you tried of being weak and scared of your own powers? Why should I stay cooped up in here because of you?"
"Because I am your queen, and I am looking out for you," Jennie said sharply. "After what happened with Hanaju's cult...you going out and unleashing your full power is something I cannot risk, not without incurring the chance of mass collateral damage and mass panic and even a full-blown coup. People distrust me and you enough. I won't let you undo the work and progress we've carefully built up so far."
Chaeyoung shook her head in disbelief. "So that's it then? You don't trust me? You think Hanaju will possess me and I'll go about destroying everything in sight the moment I try to even do something beyond what I usually do with my power?"
"If you must know, yes," Jennie said very quietly, "I don't trust you Chaeyoung. I can't." She finally broke eye contact with Chaeyoung and bowed her head as Jisoo wordlessly wrapped her arms around her lover. "And I'm truly sorry. I hope you can forgive me."
Something bitter rose up Chaeyoung's throat at the sight of Jennie snuggling into Jisoo's arms, making her clench her fist and swallow hard as the urge to blast Jennie apart swelled up in her chest. She was thankful their emphatic link was closed off at the moment.
"Are you all seeing this?" Chaeyoung demanded, turning to the girls present, "don't you have anything to say? Lisa is our friend and you'd prefer her to...to die? Just because unnie is being a coward?"
Joy and Seulgi glanced at each other uncertainly as Wendy piped up. "Chaeyoung, I know you care about Lisa but we need to be careful how we manage this crisis. It's crucial we don't interfere too much—after all, you know Lisa hates it if anyone tries to impose on her in some way."
"Lisa isn't all that helpless," Joy put in, "but I admit we're not exactly guaranteed a sure win unless we assemble a new troop and fresh supplies to back her up as soon as possible. We're running low on water too, she had people dig new wells."
Chaeyoung shook her head, turning to Seulgi with a pleading look. "Seulgi..."
Seulgi was Lisa's best friend. Seulgi was worried about Lisa too. Seulgi would understand.
Seulgi sighed. "Chaeyoung, whilst the idea of you going out there and and facing them sounds appealing....it's better if we don't go down that route. I have a feeling Lisa herself wouldn't be too pleased to see you in the thick of battle."
She wanted to scream then what's the point of my powers? For fire shows?
She wanted to yell I trained as a soldier too!
She wanted to shout I don't care, Lisa is too stubborn and reckless and overprotective!
But she didn't say anything. Instead she nodded, stepping backwards towards the door.
"Fine then," Chaeyoung said shakily, "I see how it is. Nobody trusts me, or understands, or cares. Good to know."
And she fled, hiding her face in her hands and berating herself for being so damn weak to be affected by Jennie's words.
I can't trust you.
She ignored the voices calling after her and instead ran to the one place that could give her solace.
>
"He will win who has military capacity..." spoke up a voice behind her.
Roused from her pensive reflections, Chaeyoung turned around quickly, wiping her reddened eyes. Jisoo stood with her arms behind her back at the moon gate, glancing around Lisa's garden in apparent interest.
"Pardon?" Chaeyoung asked.
Jisoo turned and gave her a small encouraging smile, the kind she gave when they were having lessons and Chaeyoung was struggling to understand a concept. "He will win who has military capacity..." Jisoo repeated, trailing off with raised eyebrows.
In a flash, Chaeyoung understood: Jisoo wanted her to finish the sentence.
"He will win who has military capacity and is not interfered with by the sovereign," Chaeyoung recited, "Sun Tzu, The Art of War."
"Very good," Jisoo praised, coming to sit down next to Chaeyoung. "Don't you think that rather reflects our current situation, hmm?"
Her pupil turned away. "What do you want unnie?" she asked dully.
Jisoo sighed, resting a hand on Chaeyoung's shoulder and didn't remove it even when Chaeyoung flinched. "Trying to help you understand what's going on here."
"What's going on is Lisa is out there, alone and without much support from what Joy reported, and nobody is taking this seriously enough! It could be a matter of life and death! I bet you haven't even done a single thing since I left you probably still have yet to discuss with Jennie and you don't even have anythig planned and..."
Jisoo waited patiently until Chaeyoung finished her rant. She took the opportunity to say her piece whilst the other girl was still breathing heavily after her outburst.
"How much do you believe in Lisa's capacity as a soldier? As a leader?"
She held up a finger when Chaeyoung opened her mouth to reply. "Keep that to yourself. Know this: Lisa has been with me since our early years of battling in wars. She has seen and learned all that I know. She knows all that I am teaching you. She is my second in command. She is as capable as I am in every aspect and I consider her on equal footing with me.
"The one thing, however, that I felt hindered her from ever truly being my equal in battle was her recklessness. She was always one to charge into battle instead of sitting back and analysing for a while longer. Restlessness and the inability to stay put until the right moment was something she suffered from. But now, I wanted to test her. I wanted to see if she had grown more responsible and mature enough to lead her own campaign."
"You...you sent her to her own death then," Chaeyoung whispered.
Jisoo shook her head. "How little do you trust me?"
"Unnie, these are human lives we're talking about! And you said it yourself, Lisa is reckless and by the gods, she is! She can charge headlong into battle without a care just for the thrill of it, even if she's outnumbered!"
Chaeyoung buried her face in her hands again, ashamed by her quivering voice. "Unnie, don't you see the issue here?"
"She won't be outnumbered. I have already deployed Seulgi and a larger troop of soldiers to support her. Everything is going to plan Chaeyoung, we have plenty of back-up soldiers should we come under attack ourselves. And besides that, we have you and Jennie."
Chaeyoung had felt relieved to hear about Seulgi leaving to support Lisa but her face darkened at the mention of Jennie's name.
"Jennie wants to keep me locked up. I wonder how come I'm not in the dungeons living on bread and water right now."
"She doesn't want to keep you locked up, Chae. You know she doesn't. But as the Empress, some hard decisions have to be taken."
"At my expense?" Chaeyoung said shrilly. "Does she even care about what I feel at all? I feel like a burden unnie, I feel like all I do is cause you guys to worry incessantly. Do you have any idea how that feels?"
"I do. Every day," Jisoo said quietly and tapped her bad leg. "Jennie is reminded of her teenage folly every time she sees me. She tries to slow down for me when I start lagging behind and she always tries to be cheerful and helps me rub in ointment on humid days when my joints ache so bad that I limp even worse.
"She bears all the jeers and snide remarks I get, knowing I once was the most respected person in court. She knows that my absence caused for her brother to gain a large following amongst the court advisers because she spent time mourning for me and excused herself from all sovereign meetings. I am a burden to her Chaeyoung, and we both have to live with that fact."
When Chaeyoung remained silent, Jisoo went on. "You are not the kind of burden you think you are. We worry about you as a dear friend. Jennie felt your pain when the cult got their hands on you and wants to protect you from whatever horrors are out there. She may not go about it in the way you prefer but much like the parents that weren't very present in her life, Jennie is trying her best, as am I."
"So she's only doing it because she doesn't want to feel my pain," Chaeyoung said sharply.
"If you want to see it that way," Jisoo shrugged, "but I think she genuinely cares about you Chaeyoung. Look past your bitterness and anger, and see for yourself."
She hated that Jisoo's words were working. Looking past all her rage and Jennie's seemingly cold and heartless decisions, Chaeyoung had to admit that she could see Jennie's concern and worry for her well-being, for her people and for her nation on the brink of a deadly war.
"Unnie I don't know..." Chaeyoung said in defeat. "I...if something happens to Lisa...I can't bear to think that I could have done something and didn't act...I feel so useless right now..."
"Oh Chaeng," Jisoo said fondly, "you're far from useless and you have no idea. If anything, you will be the reason Lisa will pull through in this campaign and I am certain she will. So what if she is having setbacks? It is all about how you approach your opponent, and that can take more time than initially estimated. That is normal, since we live in a less than ideal world where circumstances change in the blink of an eye and as easily as the tide. If I were to judge from Lisa's report, she's handling the situation admirably so far."
Chaeyoung raised her head, overcome by curiosity to hear Jisoo speaking so confidently.
"What do you mean, I will be the reason Lisa wins?"
"As we said earlier, Lisa could have been my equal, were it not for her lack of planning when it came to strategy. She was reckless and she didn't care about dying in the midst of battle. But things are different now. She has reason to survive and return, she has motivation to win and come back...to you."
Chaeyoung blushed. "Me?"
"Who else?" Jisoo asked. She gestured around them. "Seulgi told me Lisa had cultivated this garden...solely for you. I think that says a lot about a girl who never cared to appreciate the delicate art of tending to something as fleeting and fragile as flowers."
"Meaning?"
"Lisa is trying to learn patience and being gentle from cultivating a garden, an exercise in patience itself, as well as an opportunity to reflect and surround oneself with natural beauty."
Jisoo leaned forward to caress some orange blossoms. "I don't think she embarked on this project on a whim. There has to be a deeper motive behind it and the only thing I can think of is you, Chaeyoung-ah. She wants to be a better person for you. And perhaps through some association or other, tending to this garden helped her grow more responsible and possibly even closer to you, as your guardian. You like flowers don't you?"
I figured you'd like them since you like flower arrangements. Lisa's words came back to her as the memory of Lisa presenting her with a bunch of sunflowers surfaced in her mind.
Lisa was always watching and noticing, even when she pretended not to care. Lisa always cared deep down, and was only now starting to express and show just how much.
All the signs were telling Chaeyoung what she desired to hear most: that Lisa cared for her perhaps on the same level that she did. Because there was no use hiding or denying anymore; Lisa had carved a corner in her heart and she wasn't leaving anytime soon.
Yet she needed to hear Lisa confirm it herself, needed to hear Lisa speak the truth she craved, needed Lisa to hold her and assure her that she was never going to go anywhere else without her. She needed to feel Lisa's lips press softly against her mouth again, tenderly wording their unspoken desires and uniting them together in a spell unbreakable by gods or men.
"If you still doubt my observations," Jisoo added, "I shall hasten to add that never in my life had I heard Lisa speak about 'acting cautiously' but that is all I ever see her write in her reports now. She is opting to move wisely and plan strategically, which takes more time, especially with a tough opponent. But this time round it's because she has something to return to, and dare I say...maybe even promised to do so."
I'll come back before you know it, Lisa had vowed.
Makes sure to come back in one piece Manoban, or else, Chaeyoung had said, bravely fighting back her tears.
"Have heart, Chaeyoung," Jisoo comforted, "I am of course worried about her too, but I trust Lisa to handle herself. She will return to us. I'm certain of it."
Chaeyoung finally sank into Jisoo's arms, gratefully hugging the older girl as Jisoo hugged her back just as tightly.
"I miss her," Chaeyoung admitted in a low whisper. She heard Jisoo sigh.
"Me too. It's tiresome dealing with courtly affairs without having that rascal around making snide remarks and nearly making me burst out in inappropriate laughter," Jisoo chuckled.
"Who will train with me now that Seulgi's gone too?" Chaeyoung's eyes widened as she took in Jisoo's smirk. "No...don't tell me..."
"Jennie of course," Jisoo winked. Chaeyoung groaned.
"If you'd like, maybe we should go make an offering at the temple and pray for our collective safety," Jisoo laughed, "lest the palace becomes a war zone tomorrow."
"What's the point?" Chaeyoung asked dully. "Training with Jennie unnie when we're at loggerheads is a sure-fire way to invite chaos. The gods won't help with that. They like chaos," she added, remembering Lisa's animosity towards them.
"Regardless, it won't do any harm to pray for anyone who might listen," Jisoo coaxed. "You can also pray for Lisa's safe return if you like. And regarding your differences with Jennie, remember: opportunities can be found..."
"Even in chaos," Chaeyoung finished with a sigh, "Sun Tzu, The Art of War."
Jisoo patted her head as she pulled Chaeyoung to her feet. "That's right. You know what to do Chaeyoungie."
Chaeyoung grimaced. "I will only promise to try and make peace with Jennie, nothing more."
>
Chaeyoung vowed she wouldn't underestimate or judge Jisoo ever again.
For all her affection and love she lavished upon Jennie, it was clear Jisoo however kept a firm grip on reality and admonished her lover when the latter stepped out of line and for that, Chaeyoung admired how her unnies' bond was strong enough for humility and pride to co-exist.
"Before anything," Jennie had said loudly as Chaeyoung hesitantly entered the courtyard for their practice, "I want to apologise. What I said and did yesterday was out of line. I should have phrased and articulated myself better. But I lashed out."
It was easy for Chaeyoung to remember why she had lost her obsession for revenge on the royal family, or at least when it came to the heir to the throne, Jennie: the older girl may say something impulsive or hurtful but she was sure to do her damndest to rectify her errors soon afterwards.
If needs be, Chaeyoung was sure Jennie would prostrate herself in the mud wearing her most luxurious hanbok just to receive forgiveness from someone she wronged.
It reminded Chaeyoung of why she couldn't stay mad at the girl, even though hurt still nestled in the cold crevices of her heart. The reminder of those brutal words cutting into her heart, stabbing and piercing deeper than any of the harsh insults she received before made Chaeyoung turn away from Jennie.
"Oh Chaeng...."
Warm hands took hers and Chaeyoung looked up quickly to catch Jennie's beseeching face.
"Go ahead. Yell at me. I deserve it. Jisoo agrees. I keep messing up when it comes to you even though you're a very important person to us...and to me..." Jennie whispered in her mind.
But Chaeyoung shook her head. She had promised Jisoo she would try to make peace and since Jennie was willing and open to see her perspective, she was going to swallow her pride and do something harder than yelling.
Eyes closing, Chaeyoung leaned in until their foreheads touched and fingers intertwined more securely. Slowly, slowly, she opened her mind for Jennie to see the pain her words inflicted and let it speak for herself, hearing Jennie sniffle as she bared her emotions.
"Unnie, more than angry...I'm hurt," Chaeyoung said sadly. "And I don't understand why I can't be trusted. I've been good, and I'm past trying to kill you. I only want to help..."
Her eyes sprang open when Jennie disentangled their fingers, heart sinking because she thought Jennie was going to run away in a huff. But what happened instead was Jennie cupping Chaeyoung's face with both hands, gazing at her with intensity.
"I'm sorry. I said it all wrong," Jennie said, shame gleaming in her eyes. "Chaeyoung, I trust you. I trust you with my life. What I don't trust are your powers. They scare me and I'm afraid they could be too much even for someone strong like you to handle."
"Oh..." Chaeyoung said, stupefied. "You think I'm strong?"
"You have coped this long so magnificently, of course you're strong. You're not afraid of your power either. But I'm afraid we're dealing with something that does not bend down to a master."
Jennie took Chaeyoung's hands and turned them palm upwards, gently tracing the lines. "Taming fire can only go so far, but the danger remains. Even with a simple campfire, you must stay vigilant. If a spark falls astray, you could light up a whole forest. Water is malleable and obedient but fire...fire is its own master.
"Some things are simply not meant to be controlled, which is why I fear for people but mostly, for you. Do you have any idea how much you could hurt yourself, Chaeyoung?"
"You can always shut off the emphatic link, unnie, if that's what troubling you," Chaeyoung said stiffly.
"You think that would make me feel any better? You think knowing that an important person to me is in trouble and great pain and I sat by and did nothing to warn her and protect her at the expense of being despised by her, would help me feel better?" Jennie shook her head. "You think wrong Chaeyoung. Loathe me, hate me, abhor me—but I won't stop fighting to protect you. Ever."
"So...so I won't ever get to fight then..." Chaeyoung concluded dolefully, shoulders hanging.
Jennie's sigh made her backtrack quickly.
"I mean, I still appreciate you telling me that it's my powers that are the problem not me—"
She was cut off by Jennie's bone-crushing hug. Chaeyoung instinctively returned the embrace, smiling because of the height difference Jennie snuggled perfectly against her shoulder.
Unlike a certain lanky captain who was just her height, perhaps a shade shorter.
For all her sovereign requirements needing her to appear strong and independent, Jennie was soft and timid, forever cuddling up to the nearest person to seek solace and rest when outsiders weren't around.
"Wish we were normal sometimes, all of us, including Seulgi and the others," Jennie confessed, her words carrying the weariness of the young monarch. "No powers, no responsibilities, just girls living by nature's means, away from all the scheming and politics."
"Sounds lovely," Chaeyoung returned with a smile.
She would be lying if she denied having such wishes herself: although she relished fighting and being independent, she would rather not see her friends in danger with the constant anxiety and apprehension of war hanging over their heads, with tension and the prospect of annihilation and destruction looming on the horizon.
The thought of death and destruction roused Hanaju's shadow within her. Chaeyoung clutched tighter to Jennie, pressing her eyes closed as she willed the shadow to the back corner of her head.
"He's stirring," Jennie noted. "I felt him too."
"What do you feel when he does?"
"Taeyeon gets restless."
Chaeyoung shook her head. "I can't do anything. I try to avoid thinking of negativity or what might have happened to Lisa...but he always finds a way to get in my head and make me...angry. Scared."
"Scared? Of what might happen to Lisa?"
"No. Well not only that but," Chaeyoung said hesitantly, swallowing the lump in her throat. "he makes me scared of...of myself. The urge to let loose and destroy...he really makes me feel like I want to do it."
"Like yesterday, you wanted to strike me down?" Jennie's voice was calm, observant. Chaeyoung stood back to observe her fearfully but there was no expression on Jennie's face—she was simply stating fact.
"Yes," Chaeyoung said honestly, "I wanted to. But I held out."
"Now that shows how strong you are," Jennie said with satisfaction. She rubbed her shoulder. "Taeyeon sensed his rage simmering and mingling with your own emotions but you still managed to quash those emotions and not act on it. It takes strength to oppose a god."
It was really thanks to Lisa that she didn't strike out as she remembered Lisa making her promise to listen to Jennie and Jisoo's words.
Chaeyoung closed her eyes. "You're right not to trust my powers I suppose, especially without my ring," she said miserably out loud. "I just....don't want to see that."
Jennie slipped her hand in hers, smiling gently. "What you say we ditch training today?" She asked thoughtfully out of the blue.
Chaeyoung's eyes grew comically wider. Jennie, uptight and stiff Jennie, proposing to ditch practice when she often had berated Chaeyoung for skipping out on practice sessions before? And didn't she have other court meetings and stuff to do?
"But....what about later? You have meetings and important sessions to—"
Jennie shrugged. "Nothing that can wait a little longer. My Chaengramji needs cheering up. What you say we go around the town market? I heard someone was particularly fond of peaches lately and I know just the place for those. Or maybe you're fancying some ramen? Seafood? Shellfish? Tteobokki?"
Inevitably, Chaeyoung's mouth started to water at the mention of food. "I...I really shouldn't....Jisoo wouldn't be too happy either..."
Her eyebrows shot up when Jennie held up a finger to her lips, indicating secrecy.
"Jisoo doesn't have to know just this once," Jennie winked, "or she'll nag me for slacking too. Don't think she goes any easier on me just because I'm her girlfriend. She scolded me so much last night I thought she wouldn't even kiss me goodnight."
Chaeyoung giggled at Jennie's pouting before taking Jennie's hand excitedly. "Alright, let's ditch. But you're paying."
Jennie smirked. Mischief looked good on her, making her cat-eyes come alive and Chaeyoung could see the young woman before her as just any other twenty- something girl, not the heir to a doomed throne scrambling to prevent her brother from plunging them all into destruction.
"Not unless you beat me first. Race ya!"
"Unnie wait, people will recognise us!" Chaeyoung cried, laughing as Jennie shot past her. "Jisoo will kill us when she finds out!"
"I'll handle her," Jennie reassured, "in the mean time giddy up, we're taking the horses! Ramen calls, and I could really do with some cold noodles!"
Chaeyoung was left with no option but to chase after Jennie, their laughter ringing clearly throughout the palace.
>
Fresh from her town excursion with Jennie, Chaeyoung walked into the room where Yeri was located and greeted Joy.
"How is she doing?" Chaeyoung asked, taking a seat next to Joy.
"Much better, she stirred in her sleep this morning but she's still pretty worn out, she lost a lot of blood." Joy herself sounded weary, with dark circles under her eyes.
"Have you slept at all?" Chaeyoung asked in concern, "or eaten anything?"
"Not much of either," Joy admitted, "didn't have much of an appetite and sleep...when I sleep I keep picturing what could have happened if I didn't...if I didn't..."
Chaeyoung rested a hand on Joy's shaking shoulders. In the face of trouble, Joy usually maintained a stoic composure but this time, trouble had hit close to the heart and rattled her.
"Here, I got some peaches if you like?" Chaeyoung offered, opening up her bag and bringing out a ripe peach. "It's fresh from the market and really good. Um...it's not much but..."
Gratefully, Joy took it, wiped it with her sleeve and ate quietly, save for the occasional slurps as they sat together watching over Yeri. When Joy finished she tossed the stone out of the window.
"I know now what Lisa must have felt, watching over you," Joy said at length, speaking almost to herself. She watched Yeri intently. "I would come and sit with her for company but quickly get bored. Lisa, she didn't budge and when she did, she didn't stray far from you. It was like she was afraid you'd suddenly disappear from her sights again. I couldn't understand why or how she was able to sit here for so long. But with Yeri, I feel like I can't function properly until I make sure she has woken up, safe and alive again."
Joy turned to an open-mouthed Chaeyoung with a wan smile. "You're important to Lisa. When Yeri and I came to meet you out of the palace, Lisa was holding tight on to you with her sword out, ready to fight us because she thought we were the enemy. She was dizzy, wounded and disoriented but she didn't let go of you until she made sure it was us. And once she ensured you're safe, she collapsed."
Chaeyoung hadn't heard this part before, leaving her quite speechless. Lisa's devotion to protecting her was on another level but doubts lingered in Chaeyoung's mind. Was it really just because Lisa was her guardian and wanted to honour her role and fulfil her responsibility till the end? But what about the kiss then?
"Joy? Can I ask you something? About you and Yeri," Chaeyoung said abruptly.
Joy nodded. "Sure, go ahead. It's not like I have anywhere else to be."
Chaeyoung took a deep breath. "How...how did you know you love Yeri?"
Joy leaned back in her chair, unperturbed by the question, unlike Chaeyoung who was blushing quite furiously.
"Yeri and I met on Lisa's ship. She recruited us for her crew separately, through Seulgi's help. Yeri was one of the deckhands that would get assigned crow's nest duty. I was just usually the one who got the fishing duty. But we clicked. She was always making everyone laugh and teasing a lot but she would hang around me a lot.
"We were like siblings, play-fighting and training together and hitting each other a lot, sometimes the other crewmates thought we were fighting for real. But it never was. It's just us, the way we play together I suppose. Lisa laughed a lot watching us and Seulgi called us evil maknaes, since we used to pick on her a lot and play pranks on her. Yeri is a genius prankster. It was a good time for all of us."
Joy's gaze softened as she let her eyes rest on Yeri's form. "I honestly don't know much about love, Chaeyoung. For Yeri and I, it was simple. Natural. We clicked, we became close friends, we hung out together, battled together, tended to wounds together, comforted each other, looked out for each other, ate together. One time she took quite a severe hit to the head during a sea battle with other pirates and I felt the whole world stop when she fell. But Yeri, she was up and fighting in a blink. She's a tough one. But after that time when I thought she got hurt, I couldn't stop thinking about what would have happened if she died. I couldn't imagine not seeing her again. So I let her know that I got scared and that I had feelings for her and happily enough, she said she felt the same for me. We kissed underneath the stars...and it's been that way ever since for us."
Chaeyoung was thinking very hard as Joy's story came to a close.
Similar to Joy, Lisa had also kissed her after a traumatic event. Had Lisa gotten so scared of Chaeyoung disappearing or being hurt again that it ultimately led her to take action? That action being based on her feelings, which she hadn't gotten the chance to confess to Chaeyoung yet? The thought alone made Chaeyoung buzz with more impatience and anticipation than ever for Lisa's return.
But Lisa and her had never been simple. Lisa treated her harshly in the beginning, mellowing down once Chaeyoung gained her respect. She was still a jerk, irritating and annoying Chaeyoung when they got stuck together with Lisa being a glorified nanny.
The first instant of Lisa being more humane towards her ward was when Chaeyoung had gotten cornered by those bullying thugs in the alley after running away from the palace that first time. Lisa showed up and took their beatings without a word. When they had their fun and disappeared, Chaeyoung rushed to her aid, ashamed and nearly in tears.
Lisa simply got up and quietly asked if Chaeyoung was hurt.
"I'm fine I'm fine there's not a scratch on me," Chaeyoung said, distraught. "Lisa..."
Lisa looked a sight: tattered uniform, bruised face, black eye, dishevelled hair. The horrid boys' insults and jeers they flung at Lisa like stones and mud still echoed in her ears.
Why did they call Lisa a dirty monkey and traitor? Why hadn't she fought back?
"Don't worry about me. As long as you're safe, princess," Lisa grunted. "This is nothing." Her good eye was dull and blank, affecting Chaeyoung more than she liked to admit. Lisa's eyes were usually fiery and angry, reflecting back at Chaeyoung but now, they just looked dead.
"Stop calling me princess!" Chaeyoung said frantically. "We have to get you back, I...this is all my fault, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to..."
Lisa didn't blame or agree with Chaeyoung. She simply said: "Let's go."
It had been the first time Chaeyoung saw such a drastic change in Lisa's behaviour and she didn't understand why it upset her so much because Lisa had always seemed impenetrable, like a fortress.
But a fortress has walls, and these walls can be torn down. That day in the alley, Chaeyoung had glimpsed the broken girl that hid behind tall walls and harsh words for the first time, and her heart ached.
"That sounds so sweet," Chaeyoung remarked wistfully. "No complications, it's like you were made for each other. No doubts or concern about what either of you really felt for each other, or if you would have ruined a friendship by confessing. It's like you were inevitable."
"A relationship still needs work, Chaeyoung, even if we clicked together at first go," Joy said sagely. "It doesn't mean we don't have our differences. For example, this instance when Yeri thought she would probably hinder our march back and decided not to tell me she was wounded. We're going to have a serious word about her headstrong and reckless decision. And I'm sure Lisa would have stopped us from leaving, just as Yeri feared. But although I love her for her selflessness to get help to Lisa as soon as possible, I can't allow her to give herself up like that."
This echoed Chaeyoung's sentiments regarding Lisa.
She was oftentimes upset by how readily Lisa flung herself into a battle or fight, with little regard for how much the odds would be stacked up against her. She had witnessed this streak of disregard for her own life personally, when she and Lisa met for the first time: Lisa had been the only one unafraid of a literal fireball that could have torched her.
If Jisoo were to be believed, Lisa seemed to be ready to put those reckless days behind her since she now had a reason to stay alive for.
Chaeyoung hoped and hoped that Jisoo was right.
Watching Joy tenderly stroke Yeri's cheek had Chaeyoung excusing herself to give the couple some privacy but also because a vague memory of Lisa's long fingers caressing her cheek rose unbidden from the depths of her memory.
She headed to Lisa's garden to continue her contemplation while she waited for the captain's return.