Work Text:
After a very memorable night in which Stiles manged to drive himself insane with worry when he couldn't get a hold of any member of the pack, the most unlikely member broke down and did something about it. Peter bought state-of-the-art phones on a family plan and distributed them to everyone in the Pack. Derek had scowled, and ordered that every one had to keep their phone on, at hand, at all times, or face the consequences. Stiles, of course, had glared at each and every one of them at that announcement, expecting them to do as they were told. He was really getting tired of worrying over all of them.
Granted, they are big bag supernatural creatures, but so what? That wasn't any guarantee of safety, just ask Repete. Sure, he had managed to come back from the dead, but Stiles is about 68% sure that it was more dumb, blind luck than actual talent that the older man managed to pull that off. By some miracle, he's managed to keep from saying it to his face.
Seriously, he deserves a -medal- for the amount of insult he's managed to keep to himself where Peter is concerned.
So, after Derek's demand and Stiles' glaring imagine the amount of surprise from every one when -STILES- is the first to fail to answer his Pack phone. Given that every single member of said Pack is used to getting a half a dozen to half a hundred texts from him in a day, it was odd when almost six hours passed and no one had heard from him.
Again, the first one to notice the radio silence was Peter of all people. After checking his phone and finding an astonishing lack of messages from Stiles, he had made an off-hand comment to Isaac about it. The youngest/sweetest of the Pack had checked his phone .. and then immediately panicked. When three back-to-back calls and six quickfire messages had failed to yield any result, he had instantly begun to text every member of the Pack and demanded to know when Stiles had last been heard from.
When no one could get a hold of him, it officially became out and out chaos/mania. Even the ever stoic Alpha had jumped on the bandwagon of concern. The Pack immediately began a search, every one of them fearing that something supernatural had managed to spirit their packmate away.
It took almost eight hours for anyone to stop and -think- and do the -obvious-. Lydia had a 'duh' moment and called the Sheriff. Come to find out, Stiles was sick in bed with a fever and a messed up throat. While trying to get the sleep needed to get his fever down, his phone had died. Even though the sheriff didn't know about the second phone, Lydia assumed the same had happened with it. The explanation had been enough to quell everyone's concern/anger.
It had also prompted Scott to go to Stiles' house and charge the phone himself, so that the Pack would be able to keep up with Stiles' health without having to sneak into his room or annoy the Sheriff too much.
..... this stroke of thoughtfulness would drive Peter to attack Scott during training several days later.
Stiles and Scott:
Scott. Scotty. My boy. My boo. Thanks so much for charging my phone, dude. I missed my peeps so much!
Scoootttt! Scott. Talk to me, man. I am going -insane- with this never-ending silence!
.... it's been less than twenty-four hours, Stiles. That is -not- never-ending.
... dude. To -me-, that is never-ending. When's the last time we went twenty-four hours without communicating in some way!?
I think it was your last big asthma attack, right? Your mom wouldn't let me come over and you were too sick to text.
Well, I might not be able to talk or have visitors, but I can still type. So, message me!
Stiles! I am in -class-. Harris', remember? If you don't want him to fail me, stop texting!
..... ..... .....
Ok! I am officially out of class. I think I failed, like, two assignments, but the day is now -done-.
Scott! You didn't fail, man. You've been doing so much better. When you get home, we'll skype, and I'll walk you through whatever homework you have.
Oh. Wait. Can't talk. Hmm. You can read me the assignments and I can look up youtube videos to help you get it done.
Did you remember to ask Mrs. Salin for extra credit work? And did Mr. Garcia extend your presentation deadline? I have a whole stack of notes for Mr. Robins' psych class, you can sneak by tonight and get them after Dad goes into work.
You can also raid the fridge. I made lasagna before I got sick and can't eat any of the leftovers, so feel free to take them before Dad can wipe them out.
Stiles, man, how many times do I have to tell you this? I know the doctor said your dad needs to cut back some, but trust me, man. His heart sounds okay. I don't think a little good food now and then is going to do any major damage.
But don't worry, I totally got your back, bro. I will painstakingly eat every last bit of that lasagna so that he doesn't fall to temptation.
How magnanimous of you to take one for the team like that, man. If I didn't know my lasagna is frickin' mana from -heaven-, I might be insulted by this.
But we both know I cook food worthy of the -gods-!
Oh! I also dug out the recipe for your speech class. I'm gonna type it up with notes for how to present it, and you shouldn't have any trouble with it.
I will totally make it Scott-friendly for you.
Thanks, Mom.
You're the best, Mom.
We'd be lost without you, Stiles.
Thanks, Stiles. See you later.
Stiles and Erica:
Batman to catwoman, come in catwoman!
No.
But Catwoman, please!
Still no.
Cat. Woman.
Bite. Me.
Wow. This got kinky fast! Boyd know you're making this offer?
I will end you, Stilinski.
No you won't, Erica. I'm too cute and you can't end someone you had a crush on. It's bad karma.
Why didn't you realize I had a crush on you earlier?
.... seriously, the BS you come up with is mindboggling. Why does everyone come to you for advice and help with their homework?
Because I am the BOMB, baby!
Now, back to the SOS I was in the middle of sending.
No. All of the NOs after that bomb crack. You are cheesy and I am on a no-dairy diet.
.....
.........
I love you so much for that, Erica. Seriously. You are now immortalized on my favorites list.
Higher than Isaac and Scott?
Scott, yes. Isaac? No. The puppy is -always- the favorite. But, you're higher than Lydia and the Alpha, now.
.... what's the SOS, batman?
That's my girl! Now. I need you to do me a -big- favor, okay??
I am royally stuck at the house. I'm pretty sure Dad has a BOLO out to all his officers, so I can't exactly sneak out. Which means he's an hour and a half away from eating something that is unhealthy and completely banned from his diet.
I made him something but he knows I can't deliver it to the station, so he 'forgot' to grab it this morning.
I love my Dad. I really do. That being said, he needs to be saved from himself.
So! I need you to swing by and grab his lunch then carry it to the station. Given the fact that you're -his- favorite of all my friends, he will accept the lunch from you with minimum grumbling.
Please, Catwoman.
Don't ever beg, Stiles, you're better than that.
Don't you know your pups will do anything for you, Momma?
Please don't ever leave us, Stiles.
I also made some peanut brittle, which I happen to -know- is Boyd's favorite. Which you can use to ask him out. There's an oil painting exhibit in town, and he's been wanting to see it for a few days, but no one has had the time to go with him.
Go.
With.
Him.
Because my bad-ass werewolf Catwoman has GOT THIS!
Are you crazy??
I'm still that same scared, afflicted girl.
You're right. I've got this, Batman. On my way.
That's my girl!
Stiles and Boyd:
Erica asked me out.
Help.
And a good morning to you too, Boyd! It's a nice, cool, comfortable day and the torture of being laid up in bed is ongoing! It's been three days since I was able to talk and it's not driving me crazy AT ALL!!
Help. Me. Now.
Gawd! Fine! Hang on!
Stiles and Derek:
Yo, sourwolf! Boyd will be borrowing your car.
No.
I wasn't -asking-. You are going to let Boyd take your car, or I will find a way to annoy you for the rest of your days, Alpha-Mine. My poor, shy, quiet boy is going on a date with Erica. Which means she will stop putting you on the spot. It also means that Boyd might open up a little. You -WILL- let him borrow it as soon as he asks.
Do. I. Make. Myself. Clear?
I'm your Alpha!?
Do you know why you get away with talking to me like this?!?
Please, Stiles, just ....
Fine.
Stiles and Boyd again:
Right, then! Plan time!
Momma to the rescue.
Okay.
So. You are going to wear that thin, short sleeve, white cotton shirt, with the light grey slacks and the thin black bracers.
Oh yeah!
That weave fedora Isaac bought you. Wear that, too.
Okay.
Also, Derek has agreed to let you drive the camaro. Now, when do you meet her?
45 minutes.
WTF?? Get dressed!!
.....
.....
How is this? 
aww! The youngest is all grown up! I'm so proud of you!
Thanks, Mom.
You're too good for us, Stiles.
You're our Alpha, too.
Thanks, Stiles.
I'll text later.
Stiles and Peter:
What wolfsbane potion have you fed this pack, human?
Every where I look, everyone is .. happy.
No. Not just happy. That would be -tolerable-. They are practically vomiting rainbows and it's giving me a headache. What did you do?
So. Is this how it's to be, then? You will acknowledge all messages from the Pack, save mine? Should I be insulted that a teenager throwing a temper tantrum is ignoring me or flattered at the special treatment?
Do not ever change, human.
It is exhilarating to know that you are willing to stand up to me.
I maintain what I said. You -want- to be one of us. And you would be -magnificent-, Stiles.
I should have bit you, not Scott. We'd own the Pack if I had.
I am bored with this game now.
Stiles and Lydia:
He's doing it again.
Who is doing what, now? And why should I care?
The man who's younger specter you made out with! Or, whatever he was.
Eww. Do not -EVER- remind me of that again, Stiles. I still have nightmares. What is Peter doing this time?
Repete keeps messaging me.
Nattering on with complete BS.
KNOWING I won't answer back.
He wants your attention. This is new or surprising how?
Why hasn't he given up yet? I know he has an obsessive personality, but OMB! Give UP already!
Oh, Stiles. Don't you see? We all want your attention.
In the end, even the oldest of us isn't any different.
We all love you, Momma.
OMB? Is that a typo, or a new Stiles-ism?
Neither! Oh My Buddha. I've been reading about different religions because I can't go anywhere.
Amitabha, forgive me, but I kinda wish Repete would make a repeat performance, ya know?
......
.........
....
Does that make me a bad person??
Stiles.
You have the biggest heart ever.
You put me back together.
You are starting to act stupid again. I don't have time for this.
Sorry.
Stiles?
I didn't mean it like that.
Stiles!
I'm so sorry.
Stiles and Isaac:
I miss my Pup!
Isaac!
... ..... .... it is the asscrack of -dawn-, Stilinski!
I still have twenty-five minutes left on my alarm.
Why. Are. You. Texting.
Well then, never mind. I -was- going to tell you that Scott is on his way over. I -WAS- going to tell you that he has a great big plate of blueberry spice scones with bacon jam. I -WAS- going to tell you to have a good day. But, it's too early for all that. So, enjoy your twenty-five minutes.
No! Nope! A whole lotta no! It is, in no way, too early to hear that my favorite packmate has sent breakfast.
Your bacon jam is mana from -heaven-, Stilinksi.
No duh, dude. I am a culinary -god-.
Well, at least compared to anyone else in the Pack.
So. Get up, get dressed, and prepare for the best breakfast you've ever -had-, Pup!
Marry me, Stilinski. Seriously. Marry me and cook for me forever. Please?
.... .... .... ew. Just .. just ew, Pup.
That ... that was totally too Oedipus/Electra, huh?
Yes. Yes, it very much -was-, Isaac. Like ew. Just never .. never say that again, 'kay?
Sorry, Momma.
Besides, all you have to do is ask, and I'll cook for you, Pup.
I don't miss my Mom so much with you around, Stiles.
You're a better parent than my Dad ever was.
Thanks, Stiles.
Fin