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There is a fleeting, unimportant thought, which crosses his mind *damn, but this place is freezing and are these really considered adequate working conditions* but then there is a loud commotion and Key turns his head towards him with a smirk just as one and only Lee Taemin and a bunch of other people Jinki doesn’t know barge into the room as if they set to restore the world peace in the next twenty minutes. Thirty if we are pushing it.
Jinki can’t stop it – a wide and probably ugly looking smile that spreads across his face as he watches the little comedy sketch that slowly but surely takes place right in front of him. He buries the tip of his chin in his warm, puffy jacket and lets his smile grow into a full-blown cackle as he watches their precious Taemin all flustered as Kibum explains that yes, they planned all of this in advance as a little 'surprise' and yes, of course, they travelled this far to support their maknae. Those ridiculous feathers are still in Kibum’s hands and the way he shakes with them frantically tells Jinki that his friend is emotional about the whole situation the same way Jinki is.
“Key, let me show you someone you really wanted to see,” one of the staff members offers and Jinki wonders if he has forgotten some part of the script because he can’t remember anybody else being mentioned or invited, but then again Minho wasn’t wrong when he used to joke about Jinki having a memory similar to one of those goldfish in Jinki’s grandfather aquarium.
But he remembers Choi Minho.
They haven’t seen each other for a long time, but Jinki still remembers.
He remembers with a staggering detail – the way his friend’s hand is warm and reassuring in the middle of Jinki’s shoulder blades when he thinks and believes that he can’t carry on any longer, he remembers how strong yet soft Minho could be for him.
Jinki often wonders if he is the only one who is still remembering. Living in the past.
Because he knows that certain people would brush it off as something insignificant. Something that happened in the heat of an emotionally charged moment; something that wouldn’t happen if they didn’t face their long military service and separation from everything they known and held dear.
Separation from each other.
So as they stood there all alone for a few minutes in a rare moment of absolute privacy, Jinki tried his hardest to play the part of responsible, over supportive hyung while Minho – his unwavering, solid pillar, who always stood proud and tall started to fall apart bit by bit and although to outside viewers he would still look exactly same, Jinki felt the shift in the other man so clearly, it was physically painful to carry on talking for him.
“Just remember that you can always write to me. I know how much you like it. So don’t feel embarrassed in the slightest. Write me a whole saga,” he tells Minho and tries to smile, but it comes out so very awkward and forced because Minho’s big, lovely eyes that are always shining with happiness are lifeless and Jinki’s throat closes up so suddenly and so violently he is surprised he isn’t sick.
He looks around helplessly, wishing Minho’s parents were back, wishing Key and Taemin were back, suddenly wishing Jonghyun was back, because he would know what to say, he always knew what to say.
“Oh, this is ridiculous,” he barks out with another awkward bout of laughter as he scratches the back of his head. “I’m scared and you must be scared too. Which is something I’m often, but you – you are very rarely scared and that must make it all so much more scarier for you, really – and I’m so sorry I don’t know what to say or what to do, but – “ he finally finds the courage to look up at Minho whose eyes are now glistering and Jinki’s whole being aches with something he cannot phantom to name but he definitely wants it to stop.
“I will miss you too, Minho. So so much and you know I’m not very good with this,” he swishes his arms around as if to explain and he hopes that the other man understands because it’s not Minho’s fault that Jinki is emotionally stunted and cannot face certain things even if they – right there bright and in neon writing, “I swear, I will miss you like a limb and a day won’t pass without me thinking about you and the way you always care for everything and everybody but also your Sunday pancakes and cappuccino because they are to die for, okay and I should miss them probably more dearly than I will –“
And that was the moment when Choi Minho kissed him and Jinki hated him ever since.
And although he has a memory of a goldfish, strangely, he still remembers the way his own lips became utterly pliant under Minho’s ministrations and all of the wild emotions he was canning for so damn long suddenly made absolute sense.
But Minho didn’t write him a saga. Minho didn’t write to him at all. He answered a few of Jinki’s letters, but it wasn’t what the older man hoped for at all and with time he stopped trying his shy attempts of reconciliation.
And he still hates Minho. Almost as much as he is in love with him.
Almost.
“Who is it?”
“He will be here soon. Hold on.”
The loud conversation in the room brings Jinki back to here and now, and he is too lost in his own mind to comprehend what’s actually being discussed, but then suddenly there is a flash of military fatigues and Jinki doesn’t have time to think beyond oh, but this is rich and then there is a room full of SHINee trademark craziness and gods, it’s so loud and chaotic, but it’s also beautiful.
Jinki is trying his damn hardest to stay in the moment because they are actual cameras and people but his heart is about to give up as he watches as his dearest friends welcome each other, how even usually reserved Taemin lets his guards down for a moment and hugs Minho with so much affection, and Jinki’s brain, heart, body and soul screams Minho Minho Minho at him so loudly he almost forgets to regret how stupidly he dressed this morning – in his puffy coat and oldest pair of jeans and what about all the weight he managed to put on while Minho looks as if someone just dragged him straight out of war romance book and did he get even taller and broader?
The reality of their kiss suddenly hits him too, and Jinki feels he might be close to an actual panic attack.
There is no air left in his exhausted lungs and he blames himself for spoiling their friendship, spoiling everything – as always, really, that’s such Jinki move, was he ever good for anything at all?
“Onew!”
His head snaps up so quickly his neck actually hurts from the ferocity of the movement, but Jinki hasn’t heard it for so long and it’s unbelievable, but it still sounds the same to him – it carries the same amount of fondness and softness as always and how does he even deserve Minho as his friend?
A second passes by and then he has Minho in his arm, lowering himself onto Jinki’s sitting form to hug him properly and Jinki was never so grateful for other man’s bigger size in his entire life because he knows his face must be an open book in that very moment and whoever is willing to read it – in Korean, English, Russian or Braille – they could, because Lee Jinki is truly in love and it’s laughable really, but it’s his first time feeling so fundamentally about someone and he doesn’t know what to do with himself at all.
So he follows his instinct and deepens their hug, wrapping his legs around one of Minho’s to the point he is sure he paints a picture – with a lapful of ex-marine on the camera but he also knows he is the happiest he has been probably in years.
Jinki opens his mouth to say something entirely inappropriate for the surroundings they find themselves in, but Minho’s long arms squeeze him even tighter, pushing Jinki’s face into the crook of Minho’s neck and the smell there is intimate, calming and so familiar that Jinki thinks he never felt this safe in his life since being in his mother’s womb probably, and then there is a second of silence before Minho breathes “now I know I’m really home,” into Jinki’s ear.