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Chapter Text

Hua Cheng strolled leisurely in the streets of Puqi village, heading towards the small shrine some ways off. He’d finally managed to take care of his business in Ghost city. Good riddance too — any type of work pulling him away from his Dianxia was enough to irk him. Thankfully, it hadn’t taken more than a few days, and he was now free to do what he wanted.

He hummed distractedly, a small smile playing on his lips. He wondered what Xie Lian had been up to in his absence. Had he set off to renovate the shrine? Or perhaps someone had found work for him?

Hua Cheng hoped the shit thing that called itself a devastation hadn’t given his gege any trouble. Why Xie Lian insisted on keeping him around was beyond his understanding, but Hua Cheng would be caught thrice dead before he argued with the other’s logic. Hua Cheng was merely there as a means of protection; nothing more.

Setting foot in the shrine’s yard, Hua Cheng wasn’t surprised to hear Qi Rong’s pestering and yelling, as well as Gu Zi’s admonishing of his father. Yang Lang wasn’t far off either, raking leaves with a broom.

What felt off, however, was the lack of any God’s presence — including Xie Lian’s. Maybe he was inside the shrine, but Hua Cheng’s instincts told him that it probably wasn’t the case.

Qi Rong finally spotted Hua Cheng walking in and turned his attention to him in his usual useless rage. Considering how Ruoye currently bound him tightly, with no ways of escaping, he was as threatening as an insect.

“HUA CHENG, YOU FUCKER!! WHAT’RE YOU DOING HERE?!”

The ghost King, having no patience to deal with the nuisance and wanting to keep his good mood, merely raised an eyebrow before he knocked him out with a kick to the head. If Xie Lian wasn’t here, he couldn’t really protest! And it’s not like he’d killed him either.

“Ah, dad!” Gu Zi called out, checking that Qi Rong was alright. Hua Cheng ignored the display, choosing to get right to the point.

“Has His Highness left the shrine?” he asked, not unkindly.

Gu Zi nodded, pouting at the other man. “Scrap Gege said he had to leave to get a few things in the neighbour village. He left yesterday, so maybe someone asked him to help out?”

Knowing Xie Lian and his tendencies to help everyone around, that would indeed make a lot of sense. Hua Cheng sighed as he nodded to the child, heading to the building.

He’d been looking forward to see his Gege, but it seemed he would have to be a bit more patient. In the mean time, he could definitely make himself useful. As he entered the shrine, he noticed some food that had surely been left there for the kids. Still, it might be a good idea to cook soon — it would be fun to see Xie Lian’s smile at the sight of a home cooked meal as he came back. That smile would make Hua Cheng’s dead heart do flip flops and what not.

There was still time before supper, however, so it might be best to do something else instead. The kid was already sweeping leaves, so that left taking care of the building.

For the rest of the afternoon, Hua Cheng set off to repair a few holes in the walls and roof, throwing a chunk of debris at Qi Rong’s head the moment he woke up and started complaining. This time, Gu Zi had gone off to play somewhere, so he wouldn’t be upset either.

Once he was satisfied with his work, Hua Cheng then headed back inside to start preparing a meal. He was disappointed he wouldn’t get to eat Xie Lian’s cooking today, as he’d looked forward to that too, but knowing he would feed his Dianxia after two long days of work was enough to make him happy anyway.

The thing was, however, that quite a few hours passed and Xie Lian still wasn’t back. The worry gnawed at him, but considering how late it was getting, maybe His Highness had chosen to stay put for the night instead of attempting to get back in the dark. That would be a wise decision, so Hua Cheng decided to wait.

He could call the other in the private communication array, but Hua Cheng didn’t want to seem too clingy. That, and if Xie Lian was still busy, he didn’t want to distract him. He should wait for the night, at the very least.

Hua Cheng didn’t sleep that night. He wasn’t the type to sleep anyway, only keeping this activity when he was in his Dianxia’s presence.

Hours turned to a whole night, of course, but also extended to a whole morning without any kind of news. The worry gnawing at him only grew, like an itch that would not go away. Hua Cheng was starting to think it was a long time for the God to be gone. He wouldn’t leave the kids by themselves for so long, job or not.

Deciding to call him, Hua Cheng recited the other’s password.

He was given no answer at all.

The worry spiked up. His instincts blared loudly that something was wrong, making him imagine all sorts of scenarios: maybe something bad happened on his job, maybe he’d fallen somewhere on the road, maybe he’d been attacked by someone, maybe, maybe, maybe…

Not that Xie Lian was a defenceless man, quite the contrary! But Xie Lian was prone to such a strong misfortune, and if Hua Cheng wasn’t there, he feared it would make itself known in the worst way possible. He didn’t know the extent of what happened to Xie Lian in the past 800 years, but he’d heard enough to be aware of how much he’d suffered because of how rotten his luck had gotten. The stakes were highly against him. If Hua Cheng could do something about it, he definitely would.

He couldn’t wait anymore. Hua Cheng called Yin Yu this time, asking him to find a way to take care of the kids. Xie Lian wouldn’t forgive him if he left without making sure the children were fine and taken care of. Once that was done, he set off for the village Xie Lian had supposedly gone to.

While he made his way there, he tried contacting the other man quite a few times, without any luck. The communication array was still as silent as the first time.

Rain was pouring down when Hua Cheng arrived in the village. He asked around and found some people who’d seen the God in question. They all told him the same thing: an elderly man had made a request to him and they’d set off somewhere else. Where, however, was frustratingly not known.

Trying to pinpoint where his ashes were, Hua Cheng could confirm that Xie Lian was indeed not in the vicinity anymore. He was baffled however at how something prevented him from locating their exact position. He had a vague idea of a direction, but it was like a veil was stopping him from determining which way he should go. If only Xie Lian could answer him in the array…

He finally did, after so many tries. Hua Cheng sighed in relief, but it was short-lived — Xie Lian’s voice felt terribly weak and shaky, even through the array. He sounded as though he was in pain.

“Gege, where are you?” he asked. His heart would be thumping in his chest if it could.

“San Lang…” was the only answer he got.

Still, it was enough. Now that the other was conscious — even if barely —, Hua Cheng could throw his dice to get to the other’s position. Felt what little spiritual energy the other had left, piercing through the veil on his ashes.

He ended up in a dark and humid cave, the rain intense behind him. He found Xie Lian further in, collapsed on the ground, completely drenched, his whole body quivering uncontrollably.

The anxiousness leapt in Hua Cheng’s throat and rolled off him in waves. He ran to the other man, gathering him in his arms, only for Xie Lian to push him away and throw up.

“Shit shit shit shit shit,” he muttered, berating himself for fucking up so badly. He shouldn’t have moved him so quickly! Who was to say he didn’t have a concussion or something? “I’m so sorry Dianxia!”

Using his butterflies to illuminate the cave, Hua Cheng was more careful in gathering Xie Lian to him so he could examine him.

To say that His Highness was in bad shape was an understatement. He looked dreadful! There were a lot of bruises and cuts along his body, and from the looks of things, one of his ankles was sprained. Xie Lian’s body should’ve been cold to the touch, considering how drenched he was, but instead, his skin was burning. His cheeks glowed brightly red compared to how ashen the rest of his skin looked.

Hua Cheng got to work, sending the butterflies to heal the injuries. He wondered if spiritual energy would be enough to heal whatever illness the other had managed to catch but was cut short in his thoughts as he realised the butterflies flew away without having done anything.

Eye wide, Hua Cheng furiously sent more, unable to comprehend how it hadn’t worked. He had felt the spiritual energy being used, so how could the wounds still be there?

And yet, the result was the same: his spiritual energy was used, but nothing happened on the surface. If anything, Xie Lian looked worse, breathing ragged and shaky.

This couldn’t be happening!! Hua Cheng was amongst the strongest beings in the three realms! He had made certain to be, so that he could assist His Highness in every situation — so that he could stop being so useless whenever his beloved was hurt!

How could this keep happening, then? Why was it that whenever Dianxia was injured or hurt, he couldn’t do a goddamn thing?!?

He was torn from his self-depreciation when cold fingers brushed his cheek.

“It’s fine, San Lang. I’ll be alright. It’s not the worse I’ve felt.”

The surprise was short-lived, and his expression fell in sorrow, teeth clenched, eye squinting to reign in the tears.

The nerve! As if any kind of pain Xie Lian felt was to be brushed aside since he got hurt more badly in the past. As though Hua Cheng wouldn’t care at all! It tore his chest open, ripped his dead heart from it and trampled on it mercilessly.

He wasn’t the one that was badly hurt, however… He had to push down his emotions, otherwise Xie Lian would only blame himself more than he already was. His God didn’t need him to fail him again.

Coughing pulled him away from his thoughts in a start. It appeared that Xie Lian’s illness was worse than he had come to imagine at first. They couldn’t stay here. Every minute spent in this damp cave, still draped in his drenched clothes, only made the God’s state worse.

Throwing his dice to open a door, Hua Cheng then slowly and carefully lifted Xie Lian up. He headed back to Paradise Manor, comforting the other man that the children were safe, easing his worries.

He settled Xie Lian on his bed, drying him and changing him in his own clothes with a wave of his hand. All these actions proved that his powers were completely fine. It made no sense whatsoever that he shouldn’t be able to heal Xie Lian, especially of those small cuts and bruises.

Something was interfering with his power, but he had no idea what.

It seemed that, for now, he would have to help Xie Lian the old fashion way. He bandaged the latter’s ankle to avoid more damage and cleaned the cuts carefully.

Feeling bold, Hua Cheng leaned down to kiss every bruise he could see. He hated how they marred his God’s skin and refused to heal.

It was obvious how speechless the other man was at this audacious display, but Hua Cheng said nothing. He was too devastated at his uselessness, at how Xie Lian was meant to suffer yet again.

Hua Cheng was determined to take care of him a hundred times more strongly in hope of alleviating some of the pain.

Xie Lian was exhausted, that much was obvious as he tucked him under the covers, but Hua Cheng needed some answers if he wanted to help in any way he could. He asked questions, probing when he learned of the spirit Xie Lian had fought. It appeared trying to recall anything brought the other nothing but pain, however, so Hua Cheng stopped.

He changed the subject, instead wondering aloud why Xie Lian had not called him sooner — wondering at the same time as to why he hadn’t called sooner either.

The fact that Xie Lian hadn’t wanted to bother him broke him in thousands of pieces. He whined, feeling tears gather in his sole eye, but blinking them away, gulping down the lump forming in his throat. This couldn’t possibly be happening! Had he somehow given Xie Lian the impression he would ever be inconvenienced by him if he called?

“His Highness could never, never, bother me!” he insisted, wanting to make sure that Xie Lian understood. “I would do anything to make sure you are all right.”

Anything! Even give his life again, and again, and again! He would take on Xie Lian’s illness if he could. Endure the pain in his place. Because Xie Lian had suffered enough, too much!

For a moment, Hua Cheng believed he fucked up once again; Xie Lian was crying! How could he have offended him so badly? He should’ve kept his mouth shut, should’ve—

“You haven’t offended me.” The other’s voice was hoarse from coughing so much, but it was still soft. Hua Cheng’s shoulders sagged in relief. He was still on guard, however, knowing it was only a matter of time before he failed spectacularly again.

“This Gege is simply overwhelmed by San Lang’s generosity. I’m not used to such… kindness. I’m so used to do things on my own, I forgot what it was to rely on a friend.”

Friend. Oh, Hua Cheng’s heart was torn in two. Because it was such a delight, such an honor, to be called a friend from this all powerful and generous being.

Yet Hua Cheng was selfish enough to wish for more.

Not that he would voice it out loud. Ever.

Hua Cheng sighed, his hands cupping his Dianxia’s face, gently wiping the tears away. He loathed how burning the other’s skin felt, knowing very well that it was too much for a living being. Hua Cheng wouldn’t be surprised if Xie Lian was currently withstanding such a strong fever because of his powers. Any normal human being wouldn’t be able to stand such heat for very long. A few days at most, if it was not brought down.

“Dianxia?”

But Xie Lian was fast asleep, unable to stay conscious any longer. It was a miracle he’d managed to stay awake for so long.

Hua Cheng left his hands where they were, sighing. When he realised that he wouldn’t be able to wake the other up any time soon, he leaned down and kissed Xie Lian’s forehead.

“I’ll make sure to find whatever is ailing you, Your Highness. I’ll make sure you’ll be just fine!”

Dianxia’s sleep was fitful, to say the least. Fever dreams seemed to plague him as he weakly twisted and turned in his sleep, small and pitiful noises leaving his lips. One of his hands was in Hua Cheng’s, who squeezed it to bring some form of support.

He didn’t really want to wake the other up, knowing he needed to rest as much as he could. The fever was so high, he was bound to have weird dreams, even if it broke his heart to watch it all.

Murmuring sweet nothings, caressing his head, wiping away the sweat with a cold wet cloth were pretty much the only things Hua Cheng could do for now.

Earlier, he’d sent Yin Yu out to ascertain exactly what had happened to Xie Lian, a few vague directions to only thing to guide the other. Hua Cheng knew it would take some time before he came back, considering how little information he had to go on with.

It didn’t mean the Ghost King wasn’t frustrated at how long it was taking.

“Stop…”

Hua Cheng blinked, turning his attention back to Xie Lian who’s features were twisted in agony. He was attempting to gulp air down as though he couldn’t breathe, moving under the covers as if wanting to escape something.

“…lease… t…urts…”

This seemed to be a nightmare stronger than the dreams he’d had so far. Maybe it would be best to wake him before he—

The howl that tore the silence inside the room was deafening!

Xie Lian trashed around, the bed’s covers wrapping themselves tighter and tighter around him, trapping him before Hua Cheng could do anything. The latter’s eye was fixed on Xie Lian in fear, his whole body frozen up, unable to move.

There had been only one time Xie Lian had yelled like this before.

He was back in that small shrine, filled with horrible people lining up towards his Dianxia, passing a black sword between each other each time they used it against him. His Dianxia restrained to the altar, receiving fatal blow after fatal blow until he is reduced to nothing, the laughing-crying mask looming over him as laughter shrilled inside the tiny temple.

And he is stuck, nothing more than a small ghost fire who couldn’t even lift a finger, who couldn’t do anything but watch in horror as his most treasured person is tortured to death over and over and over…

“It hurts it hurts ithurtSITHURTSITHURTSITHURTS!!” Xie Lian yells so loud, Hua Cheng’s ears rang painfully.

It snaps him out of his daze at once. He isn’t a ghost fire anymore. He has hands, powers, and Xie Lian is only dreaming. He can do something this time!

“Gege!” he shouts, reaching out for Xie Lian to shake him awake.

The moment his hand touches the other’s head, however, Xie Lian flinches away, recoils from the touch violently, yelling harder.

“NonononONONONONONO DON'T TOUCH ME DON'TTOUCHMEDON'TTOUCHME! ITHURTSITHURTSITHURTSPLEASESTOP!”

Hua Cheng jerks away immediately, falling on his bottom as he loses his balance. He did this, he’s hurting Dianxia, he’s scaring him, he—

No. No, this isn’t about him! Xie Lian needs him, and he must act!

“Dianxia, wake up,” he says in the most soothing voice he can muster. He’s now kneeling on the floor, keeping his hands to himself, clutching the covers tightly. He won’t make that same mistake twice.

“NO NO NO NONONONONO MAKE IT STOP MAKEITSTOPMAKEITSTOPMAKEITSTOP!”

The torment of hearing his God suffering those events as though he were back there seizes Hua Cheng’s chest painfully. He has to breathe in to stay calm.

“It’s not real, Gege,” he says comfortingly. “You’re safe here. You’re with me, with San Lang, remember? You’re in Paradise Manor, in my bedroom, where I brought you.”

For a while, Hua Cheng frettingly wonders if Xie Lian is going to wake up eventually. Is the illness going to trap him in his nightmare until he is healed?

He doesn’t realise he’s been shaking until his whole body sags in relief at seeing Xie Lian’s eyes open.

“Gege…” he breathes with a shaky smile, reaching out for Xie Lian a second time.

That was obviously a mistake. Xie Lian flinches away from the touch and panics, not entirely recovered of his nightmare. He’s barely breathing, frightful eyes searching the room, expecting the pain he’d been enduring.

“Gege, shhh…” Hua Cheng soothes. “Listen to my voice. You’re safe! Look at me.” He hopes his voice is enough, hopes he can help without touching, considering how out of it the other is. “Try to breathe with me, please?”

He exaggerates his breathing, making sure the other can follow him. Hua Cheng is relieved to watch as Xie Lian frantically attempts to follow along, hiccupping and whining whenever it seems too hard. In response, Hua Cheng soothes and comforts, encourages the other to keep going.

“That’s it, Gege. You’re doing great!”

Watching Xie Lian slowly regain a semblance of normal breathing was nerve-wracking, to say the least. The fact he couldn’t touch him was leaving him on edge, making staying calm a lot harder, his hands itching to move; to rub Xie Lian’s arm and back, or to pet his hair.

But he wouldn’t, not until he had permission. There was no way he was breaking Xie Lian’s boundaries yet again.

Thankfully, he was allowed once he asked, and Hua Cheng carefully, very slowly, comforted his God with his touch, gently untangling the other from the covers that had been wrapped too tightly around him. Hua Cheng made sure to change the sheets with a wave of his hand, drying Xie Lian from the sweat covering his body after that particularly challenging nightmare. He reassured his beloved God that everything was fine and that he shouldn’t feel guilty about what had transpired.

He tried asking if Xie Lian wanted to talk about his nightmare, but the other refused, eyes heavy with chagrin. Hua Cheng opened his mouth to protest when he was told it would be too hard to explain — as though he hadn’t been there as well, as though he hadn’t seen it all, didn’t know exactly what Xie Lian had felt back then, how exactly he suffered.

He wanted to tell him, say that he didn’t have to explain; he could just talk about what had scared him, of how the nightmare went, and he’d understand!

But it was a bad idea. It was best if Xie Lian didn’t know Hua Cheng had been there. So, he closed his mouth and hummed instead. Checked the other’s temperature and found it had gone up. Clucked his tongue and gathered Xie Lian in his arms to assist him in drinking some water, hoping it would hold.

Lied on the bed, above the covers, next to Xie Lian when the latter asked him to stay nearby.

Hua Cheng helped his beloved go back to sleep, watching with grief how his brave gege tried to hold the pain in, as if he shouldn’t share it, as if he’d made Hua Cheng worry enough. But Hua Cheng would always worry. Would always want the best for his God and do everything in his power to protect him.

He wanted to know. Wanted to share the other man’s pain so that he could make things easier for him.

When finally Xie Lian closed his eyes, his breathing deepening, he gathered him closer and kissed his forehead sweetly.

“It was scary,” he murmured to the dark room, “to be unable to do anything again. To hear you scream while I couldn’t wake you. I’m so sorry, Dianxia, so sorry. I need to do better by you.”

Hua Cheng kept a watchful eye over his beloved God, carefully brushing strands of stray here sticking to the other’s sweaty face as he moved in his sleep, mumbling nonsense from time to time. His slumber wasn’t exactly peaceful, but it seemed to be far less strenuous then his first nightmare.

It was a sliver of relief, even if Xie Lian wasn’t anywhere near healing right now.

At some point, Xie Lian stirred in his sleep and Hua Cheng stopped moving, wondering if the other was waking up. Xie Lian sat up, eyes glazed over with such a strong fever haze, it made Hua Cheng wonder if he was still sleeping.

Xie Lian mumbled words, voice barely above a whisper, and Hua Cheng understood none of it. Probably wouldn’t have made sense either if it had been said intelligibly. What he did know, however, was that the sheets were rustling as Xie Lian moved towards the edge of the bed. His intent was pretty clear.

Hua Cheng was on the other side of the bed in an instant, kneeling on the floor, hands loosely around the other’s waist to stop him.

“Gege? Is something wrong?” he asked, trying to get a hold of the other’s eyes to see if he was understood.

He watched with concern how Xie Lian clutched his forehead, clearly in pain. The fever was so strong, it burned brightly on his cheeks and the tips of his ears, deep red traveling down his neck. He was burning to the touch, even through his clothes. That couldn’t be good.

“Can’t stay here…” the other mumbled, standing up, pushing Hua Cheng away.

The Ghost King let him, unsure of what exactly was going on.

Xie Lian hadn’t made two steps forward, that he was already collapsing.

“Gege!” he cried out, catching his God in his fall, gathering him close, cradling his head.

It was searing! This was way past burning. If Hua Cheng was told lava had been placed inside Xie Lian’s head, he’d believe it wholeheartedly.

Xie Lian needed to get back in bed. He couldn’t be moving around. He’d make his state worse than it already was!

But Xie Lian protested, struggling against him.

“Gege, what’s wrong? You should be in bed, you need to rest!”

He should’ve understood, though, the moment he analysed Xie Lian’s face earlier. Should’ve seen how ashen grey and clammy it had become, how it was slowly but surely turning greenish. Hua Cheng should’ve seen it coming as Xie Lian tried to leave the bed, the man expressing such deep fear in soiling what belonged to the Ghost King.

In retrospect, it had been obvious.

A bucket is placed next to him and he helps Xie Lian as he throws up in it, gathering his hair in a loose braid to avoid any gunk of vomit in the strands. He schools his features and forces his hands to be as gentle and calm as he can, even as his heart — if alive — would have broken at the whines that are uttered – plaintive, quavering and hurting.

There’s a heavy weight in his stomach as he watches the tears, sinking deeper every time the other heaves violently despite nothing coming out but bile. Hua Cheng glares at his hands shaking, almost fumbling as he keeps gathering the locks of hair, unable to stop his ears from picking the soft pained whimpers and pants, reminiscent of sobs Xie Lian would’ve probably wept if he’d have the strength left. The sounds were fragile and shaky. Hua Cheng could just feel how excruciating the other pain’s must be.

Xie Lian collapsed on the ground, subconsciously sprawled in search of its coldness.

With a wave of his hand, Hua Cheng retrieved a bowl filled with water and some ice, as well as a washcloth and a cup. He then gathered Xie Lian against him, washing his face carefully, his movements deliberately slow, glad that the freezing water seemed to help.

He helps Xie Lian drink some water after a little while, seeing how the man was getting quickly dehydrated. It had gotten so bad, he barely sweat anymore despite the overheating, skin red and tight, slow to regain its color whenever Hua Cheng touched it.

Besides, he’d probably vomited the little water that had been left in him.

Hua Cheng tried not to think that any normal human being would be on the verge of crossing the point of no return at that point.

Xie Lian’s eyes are closing, and his breathing is deepening — as much as his panting allows him to. Carefully, Hua Cheng moves him back up in the bed, laying him down on the mattress to tuck him in.

He was so confused when Xie Lian tried to sit up and leave again, pushing him away. Was he still feeling nauseous? Was the water not holding?

“…can’t stay here, …leave, … can’t be selfish…”

What? That… that didn’t make any sense!

“Your Highness, what are you talking about? Please stop, you’re not being selfish!”

He was severely ill and injured. How could he remotely think he was being selfish? As if Hua Cheng would let him deal with that alone?

“Have to leave. M’being selfish… Don’t deserve this…”

“Your Highness, please!” He knew that, alive, he would have felt the blood drain from his face, would have felt his heart break in thousand of pieces. He could sense prickling in the corner of his eyes, but he gulped it all down. “That’s not true! You’re ill, please go back to bed.”

He gently pushed his beloved God back on the mattress, but the latter shook his head and sat up again, leaving Hua Cheng so very confused and distressed. Where did this notion of selfishness com from? What should he say to make it all better?

“… Keeping San Lang to myself,” Xie Lian mumbled, the fever haze stronger in his eyes that seemed to look nowhere. “Beloved will be sad… Don’t deserve him.”

Something broke inside Hua Cheng as the words rang loudly in his ears, shattering loudly. The shards tore every single inch of him apart, his limbs prickling with the numbness. He gasped, eye wide as he watched, speechless, Xie Lian stand and attempt to leave again, steps wobbly.

Was his God…?

He ignored the tears running freely down his face, quickly turning around and colliding into Xie Lian, arms embracing him protectively before he could fall. His mind was in disarray, eye searching as he frantically attempted to make sense of the words uttered to him. He dared not hope, but then again, Xie Lian thought he was being selfish because Hua Cheng had failed to mention who said beloved was.

All of this could’ve been avoided if Hua Cheng had been honest from the start.

But he was scared. Scared that it was the illness talking. That being honest would only be thrown back in his face once Xie Lian was sound of mind and realised he’d made a mistake, or something. He was terrified at the idea that he would be rejected once this was all over.

The way his beloved God sobbed in his arms, however, made him hesitate. Xie Lian was suffering under the impression he wasn’t good enough. It was wrong of him to leave him in the dark like this.

With how delirious he was with fever, however, the chances were that he would forget all about what Hua Cheng was about to say. Or might blame it on a fevered dream.

And maybe… maybe there was a minuscule chance that his feelings were actually returned? And that it would stay that way?

Hua Cheng hugged Xie Lian tighter as the sobs redoubled.

“You’ve got it all wrong, Your Highness,” he whispered in his beloved’s ear, kissing his temple, then turning him around to kiss his forehead, and cupping the side of the other’s head.

“It’s you! It’s always been you!”

Hua Cheng’s tears fell quietly as he protectively and fiercely embraced Xie Lian. His teeth were clenched, eyes screwed shut, letting his body be the strongest of pillars for his suffering God who clutched at him desperately. His heart and stomach sank and sank with each cry of anguish, the words somehow making their way to Xie Lian’s understanding.

Slowly, Hua Cheng stepped backwards with his weeping beloved, checking that the latter wasn’t trying to leave anymore. Satisfied when Xie Lian only snuggled deeper, he walked them back to the bed and made them lay down under the covers.

He whispered soothing words, promises that Xie Lian was more than deserving, that his love for him was bright and eternal. Sweetly told him that he had loved him from the start, that he would do absolutely everything for him. Kissed the top of his head numerous times, one hand securely wrapped around his waist, the other caressing his back.

He did so until Xie Lian finally calmed down and went to sleep, and continuing even after that, hoping to help bring the other man the sweetest of dreams.

Chapter Text

Xie Lian got worse.

Hua Cheng spent the next day glued to him, never leaving the room, anxiously waiting for Yin Yu’s return. He couldn’t understand what was taking so long! The fallen god was usually so prompt and efficient; this was not a task that should’ve been hard for him.

Considering Hua Cheng never left Xie Lian’s side, the only thing he could do to ease the anxiousness away was to fret over him. He washed the sweat constantly, made sure he was in comfortable bedding whenever it was drenched too much, briefly woke him to help him drink some water and keep him hydrated…

Although that last one was beginning to get harder to do, considering how badly Xie Lian was getting at holding it down. It was a gamble every time they tried.

Xie Lian was never fully awake, the fever haze glazing over his glassy eyes whenever he opened them, mumbling all sorts of nonsense. Sometimes, Hua Cheng picked up a few words, but they were never good. It was clear that Xie Lian was plagued with constant nightmares; he was just too worn out to act out.

His breathing, which had been bad from the start — a wheezing that felt painful by just hearing it —, deteriorated as well. It was fast and shaky, interrupted by frequent gasps as he tried to search for air that wouldn’t fully connect with his lungs. He was panting hard, his hands constantly reaching for his heaving chest, grabbing fistfuls of his clothes and squeezing tightly.

Hua Cheng was currently watching Xie Lian gasping for breath, feeling entirely too powerless as he wiped away the sweat with a cold washcloth, when there was a knock on his bedroom door. Considering no one was to disturb them unless asked for, it was bound to finally be Yin Yu with news.

Standing up, Hua Cheng hurried to the door. He was both relieved and irritated to see it was indeed his employee who was bowing to him.

“Well?” he snapped, letting the other man in.

The latter, if aware of his master’s fowl mood, did not let it show as he made his way inside with another bow of his head.

“I’ve managed to figure things out. I apologize for the delay, Hua Chengzu. From what I gathered, it was important I be thorough.”

Hua Cheng raised an eyebrow at that, sensing the restlessness only growing stronger in his belly, its claws scratching up and up.

“I found the old man his Highness was helping out. Turns out that the spirit haunting his fields was none other than a Gao Huang Gui.”

Hua Cheng’s eyes widened at that, his crossed arms loosening in shock. Gao Huang Gui were rare, not usually found in these parts either. They usually grew from heavily concentrated evil places, where grief and resentment resided. To have one haunting the fields of what would be considered a normal village…

He’d heard of them in passing, had seen their names across a few scriptures, but not much was said about those spirits, except that they haunted people by settling in their chest, causing them illness and nightmares, sucking them dry of any life. Which explained what Yin Yu meant by wanting to be thorough.

“The old man told me he saw the spirit slam into his Highness when he battled it, which pushed him into the cart. That is why his Highness was walking back to Puqi village. It is also how his Highness came to be ill. The Gao Huang Gui is most likely inside him at the moment.”

Hua Cheng snapped his head back to the bed, glaring at Xie Lian’s chest. His aura, already threatening due to the unsettling unease that had built up for more than a day, was now glowing darkly, furious and snarling.

“How do we get rid of it?” he growled.

He wanted it out of his beloved, wanted to rip it off and crush it in his hands!

Gasps of pain snapped him out of his rage and Hua Cheng was to Xie Lian’s side in a flash, fretting over him. “Gege!”

Xie Lian’s eyes opened, but he barely seemed aware. His pants were getting quicker, both his hands wringing the fabric of his hanfu near his chest. It looked like he was drowning, his head lifting in the pillows as though he was trying to stay to the water’s surface, each gasp more difficult than the other.

Yin Yu, who’d hurried to Xie Lian’s other side, bowed with his hands clasped, before he reached for Xie Lian. He started palpating his neck and chest, checking for his pulse and his fever. Under him, Xie Lian squirmed, deeply uncomfortable with the assailment. Something seized Hua Cheng’s chest and squeezed as he watched, unable to do anything but apologize in his beloved’s ear.

When Yin Yu retreated, he frowned deeply. “It’s getting worse faster than I imagined,” he said, clucking his tongue.

“What do you mean? What’s wrong? What is that thing doing to him exactly?” Hua Cheng snapped. It killed him to be unable to get rid of that trash hurting his most precious person. The only way he could meant hurting Xie Lian even more badly. There was no way he was doing that.

“I think it’s a stronger type than what we already know about,” Yin Yu explained as he looked up to Hua Cheng. The latter knew something wasn’t right as he saw an unsettled glint in his employee’s eyes. Yin Yu was always in a state of terribly exhausted calm. “From what I can tell, it left a curse in him. It’s sucking his soul. If we don’t hurry and get it out…”

“THEN HOW DO WE DO THAT?!” Hua Cheng roared, skin crawling. He reigned himself in as he heard Xie Lian whimper under him. “I thought you said you’d been thorough!” he hissed.

“I have been, Chengzu. There is a potion we can make to force it out of his Highness’ system—”

“Then get me that potion!”

“It’s not that simple… We are lacking in ingredients. I searched through the entire manor and city, but I couldn’t gather everything. I have an idea of where I can get what we’re missing, but they’re not near!”

Why would his luck choose now, out of all times, not to favor him? Hadn’t he made sure that it could overpower Xie Lian’s misfortune? So that they could at least cancel each other out?

“How much time does he have?” Hua Cheng snarled, glancing worriedly at Xie Lian.

“Considering he’s a god, I’d say five days.”

“Then you’ve got three. Now get out!”

Yin Yu bowed before he left, soft and quick steps hurrying out the door that was closed quietly.

Hua Cheng slumped on the mattress, hiding his face in his hands with a distraught sigh. He felt himself shaking, saw how his hands couldn’t stop trembling despite him clutching at his hair tightly.

The reality of what was happening crashed in on him like a bucket of icy water. That trash was sucking his beloved’s soul. That meant…

That meant that if it succeeded, Xie Lian would never be able to recover from that, would be nothing but an empty shell roaming the world. His immortality would do nothing to help, except maybe render his life more miserable!

Clutching his stomach with an arm, Hua Cheng covered his mouth with his other hand, eye wide and fearful, feeling as though he’d be sick. They couldn’t let this happen, Yin Yu better be quick or…

It was quiet.

Hua Cheng snapped his head up as he realised he couldn’t hear anything, not a single sound, before he whirled around to face Xie Lian.

All semblance of colors drained from his face as he froze in place, limbs replaced with lead, stomach sinking. Xie Lian was…

He wasn’t breathing. His hands were on his neck as though he’d weakly tried to claw at it. His lips, turning blueish, were slightly ajar, but his chest wasn’t moving anymore. He wasn’t breathing!

No! No no no no nonononono!

Hua Cheng didn’t think. He straddled Xie Lian, tilted his head, placed his lips on the other man’s, and blew. He blew air inside one time, a second time, a third time, feeling as though his own heart should be thudding at this point if he’d been alive. He was shaking all over, the panic making him rush instead of think, making him transfer some spiritual energy each time he blew, forgetting that it hadn’t worked before.

He was hoping, wishing, praying that it would work, that somehow, this time, he’d managed to be stronger than that thing. That he could somehow manage to crush it with his own power.

But Xie Lian wasn’t responding. He was limp in his hold, lips a little cold despite his burning skin, eyes closed. Hua Cheng’s panic only grew, not knowing what more he could do. Yin Yu had told him 5 days, he’d told him Xie Lian could hold on, said that his existence as a god made him stronger against such creatures, assured him he would have time, that—

A gasp, followed by some coughing, cut his train of thoughts short and Hua Cheng watched as Xie Lian opened his eyes, coughing and gulping down as much air as he could. He was trembling uncontrollably, and Hua Cheng could feel his heart thundering in his chest, his body shocked by what had almost transpired.

Tears were prickling the Ghost King’s eye, but he gulped them down. He couldn’t, however, control his crestfallen expression, filled with both relief and terror.

“Dianxia,” he whispered heartbrokenly, the reality of what had just happened crushing down on him. “Dianxia, breathe slower.”

Xie Lian was still gasping, still chasing down his breath, panting and wheezing. He needed help, and Hua Cheng needed to act.

He laid a gentle hand on his beloved’s chest, moving it slowly up and down, following his own exaggerated breathing. He hoped, in this way, that he could calm the other down and help him follow a better rhythm.

It was almost a relief when Xie Lian’s body sagged, like a ragged doll without any joints. He wasn’t breathing correctly still, but it was far better than before and definitely more appeased. It looked, somehow, like it had helped.

Xie Lian seemed to be on the verge of losing consciousness, completely worn out. Hua Cheng’s tears wouldn’t hold on anymore, so he buried his head in Xie Lian’s chest and silently let them fall. He couldn’t stop the shaking and, frankly, he didn’t have the energy to either.

He was a little shocked to feel arms around him, but the only thing he could do was reaching for the other’s clothes with both his hands, clutching them tightly. He couldn’t bring himself to look at Xie Lian just yet, not while the image of his blue lips and unresponsive body was still engraved so freshly in his mind.

“Thank you,” he heard. He gritted his teeth, silencing the sobs.

When he felt Xie Lian’s breathing slow down, difficult and heavy pants the only sound in the room, Hua Cheng’s grief spilled from him in waves he could not control anymore. He released a stuttering sob, his every limb trembling like leaves in a storm.

Xie Lian moved under him, moaned softly, and Hua Cheng’s breath hitched, conscious of the noise he could make, terrified of waking the other when he was resting. He didn’t want to leave his dianxia alone either, fearing the worst if he so much as stepped out for a moment, but his breakdown wouldn’t cease.

His teeth sank brutally in the flesh of his lips, drawing blood. The pain grounded him briefly, but not enough to cut the tears’ flow. One of his hand slapped his mouth, holding his face in a vice grip, muffling the whimpers and cries dropping one after the other.

He died to scream, to just take in as much air as he could before he let it all out in ugly wails that were unbefitting of a ghost King. He craved the release of a ballistic howl, like a wounded animal crying out its pain in a fury that would chill the blood of anyone passing by. He needed to yell, feeling all the tension bubbling inside, dangerously close to burst.

But he couldn’t. He couldn’t take the risk of waking Xie Lian. He couldn’t bother the other man’s fragile rest, nor could he let himself be discovered like this and chance his God feeling guilty when it was no fault of his.

So, Hua Cheng wept instead, as silently as he could. His anguish reeled off him in surges, what would have been screams replaced by his entire body tensing and curling in on itself. The tears sank heavily, and his hands clutched the sheets and his face so tight, he ripped the fabric and punctured holes on his skin.

Pain was good. Pain was grounding. Pain would eventually calm him down. His teeth were sinking deeper and deeper in his lips, but he was careful to stop the blood from falling anywhere near his Dianxia.

Eventually, the waves of grief slowed, rolling down on him fewer and fewer, muscles spasming less often and limbs gradually letting go of the tension. He could still sense this tight ball in his throat, could still feel the lava threatening to boil over, but at the very least, it had simmered down.

Numbness was starting to overtake everything. He didn’t even hiss when he removed his hand and teeth from his face, watching all the blood drip with uncaring eyes.

When he lifted his gaze, he was thankful to see that Xie Lian was still deeply asleep.

“Hold on, Dianxia,” he whispered brokenly. “I’m begging you!”

Xie Lian didn’t wake until far later when night had fallen yet again. Since then, Hua Cheng had nestled next to him, monitoring his body and pulse, making sure he was holding on.

Somehow, even though the fever was still high and his breathing still difficult, he seemed more at peace in his sleep, leaving Hua Cheng wondering if the spiritual energy had helped after all.

When Xie Lian’s eyes open, there was recognition in them. His fever appeared to have gone down a little and he was even able to sit. Overwhelmed with relief, Hua Cheng fussed over him, made sure there were more than enough pillows to support him. He wanted to kiss his forehead and every inch of his face, but the fear of the other having forgotten being told he was Hua Cheng’s treasured person held him back.

“How are you feeling?” Hua Cheng instead asked gently, squeezing his hand.

Xie Lian took time to answer, as though assessing his health, probably thinking about what Hua Cheng would want to hear. The latter hoped Xie Lian would be honest.

“Better, I think?” he finally replied, his smile shaky.

“That’s good to hear,” Hua Cheng said. Feeling a little bold, he kissed the other man’s fingers, ignoring the butterflies that fluttered in his stomach as he heard Xie Lian gasp in wonder. “How about some food?”

“I’m not sure if I’m hungry…”

“I know, gege, but you need the nutrients. You haven’t eaten in two days. Your body needs to eat something to gather some strength back.”

Hua Cheng’s hand reached for Xie Lian’s bicep, rubbing it comfortingly. “Nothing too big, just some chicken soup to help you feel better. How about that?”

Xie Lian looked dizzy as he leaned into the touch. He eventually nodded his assent and Hua Cheng’s smile grew tenfold.

“I’ll be right back, I promise. You won’t even realise I’m gone.”

In his excitement, he didn’t even realise he took the time to kiss Xie Lian’s temple before he turned around, leaving for the kitchen.

He sent an order to the staff to prepare some chicken soup for him, and by the time he arrived, it was thankfully ready. He gathered the bowl, as well as a cup and a pitcher filled with water. He grabbed a few crackers, just in case, then set back off for his bedroom, his heart feeling fuller and lighter.

Maybe it was really good news! Maybe his spiritual energy finally worked! Maybe Xie Lian was too strong for the Gao Huang Gui. Hua Cheng knew as a fact that his dearest God was the absolute strongest of them all. If it weren’t for the two curse shackles, Xie Lian could definitely beat every single one of them: even that pompous trash calling himself the Heavenly Emperor.

When he opened the door, he was met with the sight of Xie Lian coughing violently. On his arms, there was blood draining down, and more spluttered as he hacked into his hands.

The tray dropped from his hands and everything in it shattered on the floor, but Hua Cheng didn’t care. Instead, he rushed to his beloved’s side, heart breaking at the sight of him trying to somehow find a way to wipe it all away before it could dirty anything around him. As though Hua Cheng cared about all the material things around them.

It was never meant to be his anyway, but that was beside the point.

Hua Cheng carefully cupped his God’s face, tenderly rubbing his chin as he examined him, noting how the fever had gone up again. It wasn’t fair! Xie Lian had been starting to feel better earlier! Why should it be getting worse now?

Xie Lian was coughing again, blood splattering in his hands. He panicked at the sight and searched around him in earnest, getting more and more distraught as he realised he couldn’t use anything. There were tears in his eyes, he was hyperventilating, and he was not asking Hua Cheng for help when the ghost King was right there!

Hua Cheng’s heart sank. He just hated how Xie Lian wouldn’t allow himself to ask, or that he believed the clothes and the sheets were more precious than his own being. He couldn’t take it anymore. Still holding the other man’s face, he leaned down and kissed him, sending spiritual energy to help him heal.

It worked the last time, maybe it would work this time too?

Xie Lian struggled to leave, but Hua Cheng held him steady, wanting to give his beloved as much power as he would need.

That is, until he was shoved away with force. He watched with horror as Xie Lian vomited on the floor, blood and bile splashing on the tiles. His hands were clutching the covers; there was blood everywhere.

Hua Cheng couldn’t feel the cold, but there was a terrifying iciness clutching his bones at the sight.

That— that was Dianxia’s blood…

He did this. Hua Cheng did this! This was his fault! The spiritual energy hadn’t helped earlier, and it hadn’t helped now either.

It made it worse!

Hua Cheng had literally handed the Gao Huang Gui the best feast it could find on a silver platter. With so much spiritual energy, it could only grow stronger and get better access to the God’s soul.

This was his fault… Even from the beginning, Hua Cheng had only messed up! Why couldn’t he stop screwing up so spectacularly? Why was he so useless? Why couldn’t he do anything?!

Xie Lian swayed and Hua Cheng snaped out of his daze, only managing to hold him back in time by grabbing at the back of his clothes before he could hit the floor. He would have to worry about this later. For now, Xie Lian still needed him, still needed to be comforted, for he was far more anxious and frightened.

Hua Cheng carefully gathered Xie Lian back in his arms before he tucked him back under the sheets, cooing soothingly at his whimpers of protest. There was no way he would mind the fabric being dirtied when he could replace them anytime.

He couldn’t replace Dianxia.

Eyes were set intently on his face, fixing his lips. Hua Cheng wanted to frown, until he realised that there must be blood from when he kissed Xie Lian. That made his skin crawl with distress, but he didn’t let it show, didn’t give himself time to think about it, simply waving it away.

“It’s alright, Dianxia,” he murmured in the most comforting voice he could muster, grabbing the washcloth he left on the nightstand.

He proceeded to gently clean Xie Lian, wiped away the blood the good old fashion way. He refused to use spiritual energy on his God’s body anymore, not until that thing was removed. He was not giving it more power.

He made sure his touch is nothing but loving and warm, his movements repetitive and redundant in a way he knew his Dianxia would find comforting. He could see how Xie Lian’s eyelids were heavy with exhaustion, the fever haze returning to his gaze as it overpowered his mind now that the last of his energies were gone.

“S’Lang?” Xie Lian slurred, fighting to stay awake a little longer.

“Hmm?”

“I’m scared.”

His movements stop. Hua Cheng was glad that he wasn’t alive anymore. Otherwise, his heart would be thumping in his chest, and the blood would be rushing to his ears. He could hear ringing, however, and he couldn’t help but bite the inside of his mouth to keep the noise of concern from leaving his lips.

“I know you are,” he whispered back, validating the other’s fear. His movements returned as though he had never stopped.

Xie Lian didn’t need him panicking.

“But you’ll be fine soon, I promise.”

He hoped that was enough. Hoped it would help quell his God’s distress, that his reassurances were enough to ease his mind and let him go back to sleep peacefully enough.

“You told me you didn’t lie,” Xie Lian whispered, and it cut Hua Cheng to the core.

His eye widened and Hua Cheng stopped, watching Xie Lian’s consciousness slip away. His breath shuddered and he dropped the cloth, his hands shaking again. They reached for his mouth, covering it entirely to muffle any noise of distress. His eye fell down to them, glimpsing at the bowl he’d been using to rinse the cloth while he cleaned Xie Lian. It was so red that he felt his skin crawl again.

Something snapped in him and he shoved the bowl away, its content splashing on the floor and the bowl shattering in thousands of pieces, not much further away from where the food had been dropped.

He didn’t care. He’d clean later. For now, his trembling hands clung to his hair tightly, yanking on them until it hurt.

“I’m not lying, I’m not lying, I’m not lying,” he muttered under his breath, gaze frantic as it stared at his lap. “You’ll be fine, Dianxia, you’ll be fine, I promise! You have to be, you have to be, you have to be…”

He kept muttering on and on, long after the tears have all been shed and he’s cleaned the mess with a wave of his hand.

“Yin Yu?” he called through his private array.

“Yes, Chengzu?”

“You have two days.”

“Very well, Chengzu.”

The next days were a mess. Hua Cheng was restless, more so with the knowledge that he was the one to have worsened Xie Lian’s state, because he wasn’t careful enough and hadn’t thought things through. He was the one that accelerated his demise, he was the one whose powers weren’t enough again.

He knew that, while he cared for Xie Lian and treated him the best way he could, he had a harder time schooling his expression. It worried the other man, he was aware, but swallowing the panic when knowing that everything that happened was his fault and he couldn’t do anything to fix it was getting tougher. He had to trust that Yin Yu would arrive on time, and it was driving him crazy!

Sometime during the night, he managed to feed Xie Lian after a second try. That did not end up well. Xie Lian was unable to hold any type of liquid only after a few sip, not even having the strength to move away while he rejected everything.

In retrospect, that was rather telling of his health and state of mind. Still, Xie Lian’s fever glazed eyes held a certain panic as he mumbled fretted words at the mess.

Hua Cheng reassured him with a kiss on the head as he cleaned everything, tucking him back in. He wondered, as Xie Lian fell asleep, how he would hold up if his body couldn’t stay hydrated enough to fight the searing heat invading him. He possibly didn’t have any spiritual energy left in himself, or barely, so that obviously could not be of any help…

Restless as he was, there were still times where Hua Cheng managed to lay down next to his beloved and simply offer his comforting presence. When he felt steady enough to do so, he would stare lovingly at his Dianxia, brushing strands of hair out of his face, offering him smile and soothing words after smile and soothing words whenever he would open his eyes. Xie Lian might not be much aware he did, but that didn’t matter.

As long as he felt the comfort.

This sense of calm would not stay long in him, however. He watched Xie Lian’s health deteriorate. It was clear that the Gao Huan Gui was gaining strength, judging by the lack of colors except for the reddish glow of fever on his skin, or by his features sinking deeper and deeper. He also had trouble breathing again, though it hadn’t gone to extremes like that last time yet.

As he anxiously awaited Yin Yu’s return, grief and fury both fought a raging battle against him, overpowering his mind as it spiraled and spiraled in various worst-case scenarios, mixed with ‘what if’s’ after ‘what if’s’. Hua Cheng would find himself kneeling on the floor, Xie Lian’s hand in his, squeezing it tight as he kept it near his forehead while he cried. Despite having let the tears out before, they kept returning with the constant fear of demise.

When he’d cried it all and found himself fidgeting again, Hua Cheng roamed the room before settling in the chair he approached next to the bed. His mind would swim in awful thoughts and self-loathing as he clutched and pulled at his hair tightly.

“This is all my fault. I should’ve checked on him. Useless piece of trash!” he spat at himself. “Why couldn’t you call him yourself, huh? That would’ve saved time. Maybe you could’ve gone and helped him with his job. Then none of this would’ve happened!”

His words held nothing but poison and contempt against his own being. The blame should befall on him and him alone.

He ignored his anxiety whispering awful lies that maybe, just maybe, your Dianxia should have called as well. Why didn’t he call? Doesn’t he trust you? That could have avoided it all too.

Lies! Dianxia was not to blame, was never to blame! How dare he entertain the thought, how dare he think of himself so highly? Dianxia had his reasons, had dealt with a lot, too much, already. He didn’t need Hua Cheng start questioning him in any kind of way.

Disgusted with himself, Hua Cheng shoved himself out of the chair, striding away from the bed, pacing fervently near the fireplace. Now that this nagging voice had started, it just wouldn’t stop!

Maybe he really hates you. Maybe he’s just too good to say it to your face. Maybe that’s why he didn’t call, because you’re a burden he’d rather get rid of.

Wait, no. No, that didn’t make sense! His Highness had been devastated to think he couldn’t possibly be Hua Cheng’s beloved.

That was the fever talking. He’s delusional. Maybe he’s mixing you up with someone else. There’s no way he could like a monster like you, right? And with how you’re screwing everything up spectacularly, he’ll only be itching to find a way to finally ditch you. Good riddance too.

Hua Cheng slammed his eyes shut, lips pursed in a thin line. He inhaled a sharp breath, fists clenched tightly as though his knuckles would pop. He shook all over, gritting his teeth in fury as he attempted to will the thoughts away. Lies, lies, lies!

Then again…

You’re a failure. You let your precious ‘gege’ down. Everything happening is a mistake you made just added to the pile. Soon, he’ll probably just won’t make it and d—

“Why can’t I ever do anything right?!” he roared.

He registered the sound of breaking, a shattering of something like glass, but it was too far away in his mind. Right now, he was breathing harshly, seeing nothing but red as the fury coursed through him in waves.

He breathed and breathed, and realised how absolutely right the voice was after all. He was so useless, despite having done everything to gain power to aid his God.

But even power couldn’t do much if wielded in the wrong hands…

He slumped on the ground, numbly staring at his shaky hands as though they could miraculously do something he hadn’t already tried and failed, the broken vase he threw in his blinding rage in the periphery of his vision. He has a stray thought to clean that up before Xie Lian sees—

The sound of a weak cough erupted behind him and Hua Cheng whirled around, pushing himself off the floor and striding towards the bed. The sight is enough to make his blood run colder than it already was.

Xie Lian was writhing feebly, gurgling sounds coming from the back of his throat as he choaked on blood. Hua Cheng hurried to pull him on his side, helping him cough the blood away before he suffocated.

Xie Lian was barely awake, eyes glassy and rolling in the back of his head. He could scarcely move, form listless on the mattress. Hua Cheng checked for his pulse and felt how it feebly beat, and he knew the panic was crawling back and latching at his guts.

Still, Xie Lian was breathing. Eventually, he stopped coughing. Hua Cheng made him drink some water, even knowing it wouldn’t hold. He had to, if at least to try, but also to help him wash his mouth of all the blood left.

He thoroughly cleaned him, caring in his movements, nothing short of reverential. Then, as carefully and quietly as he could, Hua Cheng slipped on the mattress, kneeling under Xie Lian and laying the other man on his lap. His fingers fidgeted, playing with his beloved’s hair, brushing the strands away from his clammy forehead, unable to ignore how fierce the fever had grown.

Any mortal would probably not have survived by now.

Tears gathered in his eyes and, even though Hua Cheng was getting much tired of crying, he let them spill silently, concentrating on the strands of hair that are getting rather greasy from all the sweating. Hua Cheng hums, making a mental note to prepare a basin so he could wash his Dianxia’s hair later.

The second day since Yin Yu’s departure was soon coming to an end, and there was no sign of the fallen god. Dianxia’s state was only getting far worse by the minute, and Hua Cheng’s cold, dead heart could only throb painfully at the thought.

“Please, Dianxia, I’m begging you,” he whispered, voice hoarse and stuttering. He could feel the huge lump in his throat, bobbing every time he swallowed. “I hate seeing you like this. You don’t deserve to suffer. You suffered enough.”

His God was so good. The gentlest of souls, caring beyond anyone’s imagination. He was incredibly pure – even though people had tried to taint him over and over – and so very strong too.

Maybe a little too strong at times, when he attempted to shoulder his pain alone like he had. Hua Cheng sought to be used, seen as a shoulder to lean on, as someone to talk to. He wanted to be dependable to his Dianxia.

“I just wish I could take all of your pain away so that you could finally heal!”

Too many times. Xie Lian had been tormented and tortured excessively. It was as though he could barely stop to catch his breath before another nightmare befell him. And the man endured, kept a smile on his face.

For once, Hua Cheng wished his Dianxia would scream. That he would seek help, reach out, ask to be protected…

Not that Hua Cheng deserved to be the one to be reached out to.

Eventually, the second day came to an end and Yin Yu was nowhere in sight. Frustrated and anxious, Hua Cheng quietly slipped out of bed, tucking Xie Lian comfortably against the pillows. He ensured that the other man was fine — or at least, as fine as his current state let him be —, before he paced further in the room, calling Yin Yu on his private array.

“Chengzhu?”

“I told you two days, remember? Where are you?”

“On my way back. Gathering all the ingredients was trickier than I imagined. I also made certain to prepare the potion before returning, just in case. I should be there soon.”

“Just hurry the f—”

An agonising shriek pierced his ears. What little colors Hua Cheng had on his skin washed away, leaving him blanched. Terror seized him as he turned, bewildered to watch Xie Lian feverishly trash around.

He was screaming, a deep, animalistic cry as both hands frantically clawed his throat. Blood leaked under his nails, leaving terrible gashes of an angry red, starkingly glowing against his ghastly pale skin.

There was blood everywhere. Xie Lian chocked and gurgled, wide eyes rolling to the back of his head in a frenzy as crimson spilled and spluttered from his mouth.

The worst of it all?

“Chengz—?”

Xie Lian wasn’t breathing!

“GET HERE NOW!”

He closed the communication array and bolted to the bed, desperately searching for what to do, mortified by the way Xie Lian kept clawing at his neck. At this rate, he would open a vital artery!

Hua Cheng grabbed the other’s wrists, pulling them away forcibly, stupefied at the strength Xie Lian still had considering his weakened state. Was the spirit taking hold of Xie Lian’s body? Was that from where the god drew his strength?

Hua Cheng had no choice but to put force in his grip, otherwise he knew it would break.

Xie Lian struggled violently, writhing in agony. His screeches were cut only by his own chocking, turning them in a sound far more terrifying, chilling Hua Cheng down to his very bones. Xie Lian’s feet were digging into the mattress, his back arching, before a blood-curling howl ripped out of his throat.

“Your Highness!” Hua Cheng shouted, pushing the other man’s hands down on the mattress with a grit of his teeth.

He couldn’t let this go on, he needed to find a way to calm his beloved before he could hurt himself further!

But what was there to do? His spiritual power would merely accelerate the Xie Lian’s demise by feeding the Gao Huang Gui, and Xie Lian was now too far gone for his pain to be eased with normal means. Hua Cheng was at an impasse!

Where in damnation was Yin Yu?!

“SAN LANG!” Xie Lian shrieked, tears pouring down his cheeks.

Hua Cheng stopped thinking. He let go of Xie Lian’s wrists and dove in, engulfing him in a tight embrace, his arms holding onto the other’s back, his face nestled in the nook of his neck.

Now that Xie Lian’s hands had been freed, they clawed desperately at Hua Cheng’s back, the sharp nails ripping through the fabric in no time at all. They scratched and clawed at the skin as though trying to find some anchor it could not hold onto, instead leaving more blood in their trail.

This time, though, it was Hua Cheng’s blood. The pain was meaningless. Compared to what Xie Lian was going through, Hua Cheng’s back was feeling nothing at all. It was the least he could do for his most important treasure, the least he could endure if it could provide with some sort of relief.

He would gladly use his own body as a shield to protect his dianxia, even if it was from himself.

No, all of this barely counted as pain. What did count…

“SAN LANG!!” Xie Lian cried out a second time, sobbing and chocking.

I’m right here! I’m right here, Dianxia, I’m not going anywhere! he kept thinking and murmuring fervently, knowing full well that his god was too far gone to even hear it all. But he kept doing it anyway, if only to keep him sane long enough until Yin Yu finally arrived.

Hua Cheng held on tight, ignoring the fingers massacring his back, fearing how boiling Xie Lian’s skin had become, wondering if that would be it, if it was the end, if that was how he lost his beloved before he could truly be by his side, if—

The door to his bedroom burst open and Yin Yu crashed in, out of breath. Hua Cheng let go, wiping his head towards the sound, gaze filled with intense fury.

“Do you have it?” he barked, mouth twisted into a snarl.

He was ready to jump at the fallen god and tear him limb from limb for his delay.

A small bottle was presented to him and he snatched it away, getting off the bed. He opened the bottle and pressed it to Xie Lian’s lips, tilting his head as gently as he could before he poured the liquid down his throat, hoping Xie Lian would be able to swallow it through all the blood.

“Dianxia, drink this! You’ll feel much better,” he said, massaging the other’s neck to help him swallow. He waited with bated breath, anxious for the potion to kick in.

Nothing happened.

Xie Lian kept twisting and trashing, blood gurgling in the back of his throat, no other sound uttered for the air was swiftly cut from him.

Nothing happened.

Hua Cheng kneeled by the bed in a loud thump, fingers tightly hooked into the covers in fear of touching his god and making it worse. He watched with growing distress, expecting the other to start coughing anytime soon.

He watched until Xie Lian stilled completely, glassy eyes fixing the ceiling, mouth open as crimson dripped from its corners.

One last breath wheezed out of him before he fell silent, unmoving.

“No…. no no no no no….” Hua Cheng mumbled hastily, horrified by the sight.

No, this couldn’t be possible! He’d given the potion to Xie Lian, it was supposed to force the spirit out of him! Had they been too late? Had it already won and swallowed his god’s soul in its entirety?!

“Dianxia, please!” he begged brokenly, a whimper escaping from his gritted teeth. Hua Cheng shook all over, fists now tightly woven into Xie Lian’s clothes, carefully and gently shaking him. “Please, you’re stronger than this! So stronger! You can’t let it win! You have to keep fighting a little longer, you have to come back to me!”

His voice broke, a tiny sob shaking him like a fragile leaf about to be blown away.

Nothing happened.

Xie Lian’s eyes were lifeless, their warm light completely gone. Grief bubbled inside Hua Cheng as ugly sobs tore through him, fat tears streaming down his cheeks with no sign of stopping. He inhaled shaky and shattered breaths he did not need, his cries turning to hysteric wails that shook the very foundation of Paradise Manor.

Hua Cheng screamed.

The walls groaned in deep rumbles, an echo to the anguished howls resonating through them. The whole of Ghost City turned eerily quiet, everyone attuned to the King’s sorrow that sent ripples powerful enough to push the people to its knees.

Hua Cheng screamed harder, his face pushed into the mattress in a failed attempt to muffle the sound and absorb the tears that fell too fast to disappear.

Behind him, Yin Yu stayed miraculously motionless, even as the floors trembled violently in tune with their master’s grief, his face betraying the regret of his tardiness.

“I just got you back!” Hua Cheng lamented, his voice crushed and filled with all the self-hatred he could muster. “Don’t leave me, dianxia, I’m begging you!”

The waves of sorrow diminished, and the building’s foundation quietened. Only broken sobs remained in the silent room.

Hua Cheng slowly climbed on the bed, each of his movements cautious and gradual. He delicately cradled his god’s listless form against him, caressing his face and cheeks with the upmost care, pushing away stray hair lovingly.

“Gege…” he whimpered, shattered beyond repair.

A cough fractured the now fragile silence. Hua Cheng froze, tears stopping in shock. He pulled away a little, looking down, and saw that Xie Lian had closed his eyes tightly, coughing wisps of dark smoke through his lips.

The coughs turned to fast panting, Xie Lian gagging to the bouts of smoke coming out in strong waves. He weakly attempted to turn on his side, and Hua Cheng hastily guided him to the edge of the bed, finally snapped out of his daze.

He could swear he could hear his own heart thumping in his ears, even if it had been dead for centuries.

Xie Lian chocked and gagged, sweat clinging to his clammy skin, body clenching every time he dried heaved as more and more chunks of smoke are ejected. Hua Cheng, who’d gotten off the bed, rubbed his back while whispering words of encouragement.

Eventually, Xie Lian started retching, bile and blood mixed with a dark goo splashing on the tiles. He heaved and vomited the weird substance until a strange and grand mass fell, reeking of an evil.

The thing tried to crawl away, hissing as its body slowly dissipated in smoke, but Hua Cheng’s eye glowed dangerously red, the sheer fury at seeing it manifesting in a violent aura that glued the spirit to its spot.

He didn’t give it time to live further. With a crush of his foot, he destroyed it, sneering in disgust as it screeched in pain before it died. He wished he could have dragged this out, made it suffer, but Hua Cheng was uncertain how exactly Xie Lian was faring, and his beloved was far more important than that trash.

Speaking of Xie Lian… the man had rolled onto his back, arm covering his face, and he was currently gulping down air in one, big breath that filled his lungs in their entirety.

It was the sweetest sound Hua Cheng had heard in the last five days.

When Xie Lian opened his eyes to watch him, Hua Cheng smiled at him wobblily, feeling the prick of tears in the corner of his eyes, but blinking them away. He gulped, wanting to appear strong when he was still not certain what his dianxia needed.

He was momentarily shocked when Xie Lian opened his arms towards him in a silent request. It lasted no more than a second before he was in the embrace in a flash, holding him tightly against him as laughter bubbled out of them both while the relief finally crashed in on them.

Tears were also shed, but they said nothing about it.

When the high of their emotions finally died down, Hua Cheng noticed how Xie Lian still felt warm against him. He pulled away and frowned lightly, putting his forehead against the other man’s before replacing it with the palm of his hand.

“San Lang, I feel much better. Please don’t worry,” Xie Lian tried to assure with a nervous laugh.

And although that might be true, it didn’t mean Xie Lian had entirely healed. Which made sense, considering how much damage the Gao Huang Gui had done.

Hua Cheng tsked and sighed fondly, shaking his head lightly. “Gege is still warm. I guess it’ll take a bit of time before he recovers completely. This San Lang will have to take good care of him.”

He watched the blush bloom on Xie Lian’s cheeks, which made him smile in amusement. This sight would always fill him with the greatest pleasure.

Having an idea, Hua Cheng gathered Xie Lian in his arms, ignoring the yelp that tore from the other’s lips as he was whisked away. “San Lang?” he called out in startle.

“How does gege feel about a bath?” he suggested, knowing that Xie Lian would finally be well enough to give him one.

Butterflies appeared around the as Hua Cheng walked away, fluttering to Xie Lian to kiss away the cuts and bruises. At long last, they disappeared, now completely healed, along with his god’s sprained ankle. The butterflies poured more spiritual energy for any internal damage, but it was extensive, and not something Hua Cheng would be able to heal in one go, unfortunately.

Xie Lian yawned and rested his head against Hua Cheng’s shoulder, his skin still warmly feverish. The ghost King hated that he still wasn’t able to help completely, but he’d have to take care of it one step at a time. He didn’t want to overwhelm Xie Lian’s body either.

He was thankful, as he went to the baths, to see that Yin Yu had gone away. Probably to draw said bath as an apology before disappearing out of sight.

“A bath sounds wonderful, San Lang,” Xie Lian mumbled tiredly, eyes closing.

Hua Cheng smiled and kissed his forehead, taking a deep breath himself.

One step at a time.

Chapter Text

“Gege, gege, don’t fall asleep just yet,” Hua Cheng whispers.

Xie Lian blinks blearily, head lolling to the side as he tries to stay awake.

“Hmmn… sorry San Lang. I’m just so tired, and you’re being so good to me,” Xie Lian mumbles, rubbing his eyes.

He yawns, and a small shiver runs down his back. Hua Cheng can follow it by watching the goosebumps travelling down on the other’s skin. Xie Lian might feel a bit cold considering the water’s only slightly warm in hope that the fever wouldn’t go up, but knowing his dianxia, he probably doesn’t want to complain about it.

Hua Cheng chuckles, kissing the back of Xie Lian’s neck. It’s a bold move, but he figures Xie Lian would be too tired to remember.

He also needed the indulgence rather badly after everything. Needed to feel the other’s warm skin, to feel him alive.

To replace the flashes of ashen grey invading his mind.

“It’s fine, gege. Just give me a few more minutes and then it’s back to bed for you.”

“En…”

Xie Lian’s head falls back onto Hua Cheng’s shoulder, nuzzling the other’s neck. His freshly washed hair soaks Hua Cheng’s clothes, but he ignores it, opting to nuzzle his dianxia’s forehead in response. Xie Lian’s eyes are closed, breathing evenly and humming in delight at the touch. He looks just about to fall asleep.

The fact that Hua Cheng is currently massaging his arms, shoulders and chest with expensive oils probably isn’t helping him either.

The sight is just too precious. It takes every ounce of Hua Cheng’s self control not to lean down and kiss his beloved god on the lips.

Lips that were steadily turning bluish.

He stops himself from going rigid and shakes the thought away, staring intently at how rosy tinted and healthy those plump lips look. Everything’s fine.

“Gege,” he chuckles fondly. He doesn’t attempt to wake him again, however, opting instead to finish his task of washing the other man.

As he’d said, it doesn’t take him long to finish. He pulls Xie Lian out of the tub and envelops him in big, fluffy towels to dry him off. Xie Lian tiredly snuggles up to him, apparently too exhausted to care about his naked state. It’s a mess of limp limbs trying to clutch at him, and it’s the cutest he’s ever seen Xie Lian act towards him.

In return, Hua Cheng peppers him with kisses on the top of his head, having once more to test his self-control as he inhales the scent of his own shampoo in the other’s hair.

He manages to dress Xie Lian regardless of how glued he was to him and hoists him up, returning to the bedroom. He’s glad to feel that the fever seems to have gone down a little after the bath.

Taking in the state of the room, Hua Cheng can only admit that Yin Yu’s been efficient, as always. The bed sheets have been cleaned and the room is spotless. There is not a single trace of what had transpired earlier, which is a relief.

Glassy eyes fixing the ceiling, mouth open as crimson dripped from its corners, staining the already bloodied sheets.

A relief.

Hua Cheng tucks Xie Lian under the covers and slips inside next to him. He ignores the weight of his wounds on his back for now, despite the sting they bring as his newly repaired clothes chafe against them, and coaxes his gege into his arms. The latter is gladly being pulled along, settling above Hua Cheng’s chest and nuzzling his neck in a satisfied hum.

The ghost King places a hand on top of Xie Lian’s head, gently scratching and massaging his scalp, brushing the strands tenderly. Lovingly.

“Rest, Gege. I’m certain you’ll have good dreams.”

Xie Lian’s breathing slows and he falls into a deep slumber. There’s a smile adorning his lips, content and beautiful. Hua Cheng waits a beat, then a second, before he leans down and kisses them, transferring more spiritual energy as an excuse.

He’s not exactly proud of how skittishly he’s doing this, but he can’t help himself.

Not when his mind won’t stop conjuring the image of Xie Lian’s motionless body, dead eyes staring at the ceiling.

He whimpers, closing his eye tightly, embracing Xie Lian tighter against him. He deserves the wounds on his back. He failed once again to protect his dianxia, to make sure he wouldn’t suffer anymore. Even worse, he hastened his demise and almost brought upon his downfall. He hadn’t been careful enough, hadn’t thought things through carefully enough.

Because of him, Xie Lian almost died.

The wounds on his back would serve as a reminder. He was never healing them. He deserved the punishment. It wasn’t adequate, considering how searing his dianxia’s agony had been, but it would serve its purpose for now until he found a better suiting punishment for himself.

Xie Lian slept peacefully through the rest of the night, unaware of the ghost King’s wistfulness. Hua Cheng watched him patiently, petting his hair and caressing his back absent-mindedly. He transferred spiritual energy from time to time, never in too many quantities as to not overwhelm Xie Lian’s body. The man had been through enough.

Night makes place for day and, ultimately, well into the afternoon, Xie Lian finally starts to stir. Hua Cheng watches his face scrunch in displeasure, gentle fists rubbing his eyelids before he buries his face back in Hua Cheng’s chest. The latter chuckles, a low, rumbling sound. He coos at the other man, kindly coaxing him to wake with his fingers delicately scratching at the other’s scalp.

“Wake up, gege,” he murmurs soothingly, tilting his head in attempt to see the other’s face.

Xie Lian groans, shaking his head. Hua Cheng’s chest swells in delight. His gege is being adorably petulant and he lives for it. He can’t believe he gets to see such a side to the god he adores very much so.

Eventually, Xie Lian wakes more fully, blinking blearily and yawning. His eyelids flutter open, and he stares at Hua Cheng. For a moment, it’s like he doesn’t realise where he is or what’s going on. He simply tilts his head, offering a small, tired smile that Hua Cheng gladly returns.

When he takes in the situation fully, however, Xie Lian pulls away quickly, face turning the most beautiful shade of red Hua Cheng has ever seen.

“S-S-S-San Lang? I-I-I’m so sorry, I didn’t— I just— I—” he stammers, hands gesticulating rather intensely before him.

He’s confused and embarrassed. Hua Cheng takes pity on him as he starts laughing, blessed by all the endearing sights he’s been offered of his dianxia.

Xie Lian pouts — he pouts — at the laughter and Hua Cheng’s heart would threaten to burst if he were still alive.

“It’s fine, gege!” he reassures with a smile still filled with mirth. “Don’t you remember? You were still feverish when you went to sleep, so we hugged to help bring it down.”

“H-hugged, r-right…” Xie Lian stammers, looking away.

Hua Cheng wonders how it’s possible, but his cheeks are even more red than before.

“I’m a ghost after all,” he adds with amusement. “Always cold. It has its perks!”

“R-right, cold…”

It’s obvious how uncomfortable Xie Lian is right now. As the latter looks at nothing but his hands fiddling with the sheets, Hua Cheng’s gaze fills with a sadness he barely controls.

He’d been right. Xie Lian most likely didn’t love him back like that. All of this, everything that happened in the last four days, it had been nothing more than the fever talking. Maybe Xie Lian had mixed him up with someone else.

Hua Cheng had no right to be disappointed. Considering how he’d almost ruined everything, he was incredibly lucky that his dianxia wasn’t running away screaming, or that he wasn’t chastising him, stating he wanted nothing more to do with him ever again.

No, Hua Cheng didn’t deserve more. But he was selfish, and so he’d remain as long as Xie Lian did not push him away. And when that day came, he would continue to protect in the shadows, making sure that his god had a wonderful life.

For now, though, Hua Cheng should pretend none of this inner turmoil was happening. He plasters a smile on his face and pushes everything in a box that he locks and shoves in the darkest corner of his mind.

He concentrates on the blush adorning the other’s face. Such a red blush that doesn’t seem to go away. With mirth dancing in his gaze, he reaches for Xie Lian’s forehead and presses the back of his hand on the warm skin. He tsks inwardly at the fact that the fever is actually persisting, but considering that it wasn’t so bad anymore, he lets the worry slide and fills his tone with tease.

“Actually, gege looks so red! It doesn’t seem like the fever’s going away. Maybe he should hug me some more, to get better?”

The blush is now covering Xie Lian’s neck and most assuredly his chest. The latter covers his face with his hands, shaking his head.

“San Laaaaang!” he whines, making the other laugh wholeheartedly.

They stay like this for a while, Hua Cheng laughing in not-so-secret glee, Xie Lian whining and blushing and covering his face in hope to disappear, probably.

Hua Cheng is shocked when he feels two arms encircling his waist. When he looks down, Xie Lian is looking stubbornly away, face still completely red, but he presses tighter against the ghost King.

“Gege…?” Hua Cheng breathes in wonder, eye wide.

“San Lang’s right. I should stay near if I want to heal,” Xie Lian provides with a pout. He chances a glance towards the other, but it’s too quick before he shoves his face in Hua Cheng’s chest.

The latter could swear that his whole being is warmed up.

His dianxia will be the death of him.

He embraces Xie Lian in pure fondness and adoration, stopping himself from giving any type of kiss this time. Xie Lian is too aware this time around.

“I am, aren’t I?” he says affectionately. “Don’t worry, gege. I’ll make sure you heal as fast as you can.”

They talk during the afternoon, quiet conversations that Hua Cheng missed wholeheartedly. The latter explains the gist of what happened to Xie Lian, that the spirit he’d fought while helping the elderly man had been a Gao Huang Gui. He doesn’t linger on the details too much, both because Xie Lian is clearly still tired, and because the flashes are much too vividly strong in his mind. He would hate to impose them on Xie Lian.

Yet it seems that some of his anguish had seeped through, because Xie Lian’s eyes soften and he tucks a strand of hair away from Hua Cheng’s forehead in a delicate caress. The latter’s eye widens in surprise, a little taken aback by such gesture.

“Gege?” he whispers.

Xie Lian’s hand freezes and he pulls away, much to Hua Cheng’s chagrin. He looks flustered, but much less than what Hua Cheng would have expected.

“I must thank San Lang. He’s taken such good care of me while I was ill. It must’ve been hard, especially since I imposed on him.”

Hua Cheng opens his mouth to protest, frowning, but Xie Lian wasn’t finished.

“Did you even take time for yourself while taking care of me? Did you rest? You must be so tired.”

The other shakes his head. “I’m fine. Taking care of dianxia in his time of need is the least this lowly servant could do. I’m just glad you’re alright now.”

There is a smile on Xie Lian’s lips, though a hint of sadness tints them.

“Still. I don’t know much about ghosts, it’s true, but it’s important San Lang takes care of himself too. Promise me you’ll rest now that I’m fine?”

Fine is a big word, considering Xie Lian isn’t entirely healed yet. But the insistent look in the other’s gaze is enough for Hua Cheng to acquiesce to the request. He isn’t one to refuse his god anything.

After that, they talk some more, about subjects completely unrelated. The change of pace feels nice to them after such rough times.

Eventually, Hua Cheng brings Xie Lian some chicken soup, and is all too relieved when he eats with appetite and everything stays down. It was more than time, considering how skin and bones the god was becoming. The spirit had been sucking a lot more than just Xie Lian’s soul.

That night, when Xie Lian has gone to sleep once more, his body recuperating, Hua Cheng ponders on Xie Lian’s words. Ghosts don’t need sleep, seeing as they are dead, but the last few days have left a weary exhaustion in his bones that he cannot shake away. He thinks that resting might not be so bad, if only to put his mind more at ease after everything.

And so tonight, he indulges in some sleep as well.

He regrets the choice the moment the nightmares start plaguing him. Nightmares of blue lips and glassy eyes staring at the ceiling, their warmth gone forever. Of crimson, his color, dripping down ashen grey skin, and limp limbs. Of last breaths stolen from an entity he cherishes more than the world, more than himself.

He wakes in a start, chest heaving despite the lack of need to breathe. It’s almost like he’s expecting his heart to be hammering in his chest, but there is nothing coming from his chest.

The first thing he does is frantically checking that Xie Lian is there, alive, breathing. Thankfully, he doesn’t even have to turn, said god currently sleeping in his embrace, features lax and peaceful.

Hua Cheng is glad that his heart can’t beat, otherwise Xie Lian would’ve most likely woken up by now.

He takes a moment, closing his eyes, and gulps. He listens to the quiet hums of content slumber, takes the time to feel the other’s chest moving up and down against his own body.

It doesn’t appease him like he believed it would. Still trembling rather badly, Hua Cheng discreetly leaves the safe and warm embrace of his beloved dianxia, footsteps gliding silently over the floor as he cautiously exits the room and closes the door behind him.

Now that his god is finally alright, he allows himself to leave the sanctity of his room, hating the thought of waking his dianxia and be a bother.

The quivers do not subsist as he walks, the cold air of the night far from a relief on his already icy skin. His mind tortures him, flashes of horror following one after the other, unable to be shaken away. Screams tear his hearing apart, his name repeated in an agony he is powerless to heal. Nails claw at a fragile neck, drawing blood, dianxia’s blood, until there is nothing left, and the shrieks subside for one, wheezing last breath.

There’s a crack in the wall, where his fist is slammed into. Teeth gritted, he pummels into the plaster. Again. And again. And again and again andagainandagainandag—

The mansion creaks. The building’s very foundation is once more wracked to its very core, groaning in the same pain its master is experiencing. Different rooms flicker in and out of view, the building attempting to find what it is its master needs, but unable to tell in his meltdown. Powerful waves ripple through the floor, only stopping when reaching one specific room that is left untouched from his turmoil.

Hua Cheng screams, its echoes resonating through the entirety of the city, its lights dimming and its bustling noise quieting for the second time in less than a day.

It hurts. It hurts so bad! Those images won’t leave him alone!! His dianxia, his precious person, his most cherished beloved— almost… almost…! Because of him!!

But those are the consequences he must face. He failed, even though Xie Lian lives, and so he must bear the burden of having risked his god’s life — his god’s very soul.

The screams quieten, replaced by breathy sobs and tears he thought he’d completely shed by now. He slides down the cracked wall, hands clutched into fists above his head now bowed towards the ground, teeth gritted painfully.

Tonight, he prays. Not to the heavens, nor to the trash that dare call themselves gods. Tonight, he prays for forgiveness to the only being who deserves everything. Prays that he be allowed to make amends someday.

When he returns to his bedroom, Xie Lian thankfully remains asleep, oblivious to all the tumult inside the ghost King, and outside of him, affecting the rest of his city.

And still, Hua Cheng selfishly embraces his beloved, unable to crush that spark of hope that always nags his mind.

“San Laaang! I can eat on my own!”

The whine is met with a pout, a spoon hung in the air near a reddened face poorly covered by fingers.

“I know gege can. But can’t this San Lang be allowed to indulge a little? I would very much like to be allowed to feed gege.”

There’s a squeal coming from the other man. Hua Cheng has to swallow the giggle that threatens to spill.

“Besides, dianxia should be allowed to rest. He’s not entirely recovered yet. Why can’t he indulge in this San Lang’s services? This San Lang is more than happy to help!”

Xie Lian is now looking stubbornly at his hands, both fidgeting with the cover. He chews his lower lip in nervousness, probably debating the pros and cons of letting Hua Cheng actually feed him.

Hua Cheng doesn’t insist; simply waits patiently.

He’s a little surprised when, instead of answering him, Xie Lian simply opens his mouth to be fed, his gaze resolutely away. Hua Cheng’s sole eye widens, but softens soon enough with a teasing gleam.

Rather than feed him with the spoon, Hua Cheng quietly pours the content in his own mouth. He then sneakily leans down and kisses Xie Lian to feed him the soup.

Xie Lian’s eyes widen as he’s fed so unconventionally. When Hua Cheng pulls away, the mirth still shining in his gaze, Xie Lian’s face combusts and he swallows so fast, he chokes on the soup. He’s couching in his fist, Hua Cheng gently patting his back to help him.

“S-San Laaaaang!” he whines again, hiding his face in Hua Cheng’s chest and pounding it lightly.

The latter laughs, bursting with happiness. Messing with his gege is definitely way up in his list of best feelings. The reactions he gets are more than amazing rewards.

“I’m sorry, gege. I just couldn’t resist! I thought that was what you wanted me to do when you opened your mouth so cutely!”

Xie Lian looks up and glares at him, although there is no heat to it.

“The spoon! I was expecting the spoon!” he retorts with a pout.

Hua Cheng just wants to hug him tightly right here and there. He somehow pushes the urge away.

Instead, he chuckles, sending an apologetic smile, even if he’s not truly remorseful. “Gege’s right, of course. This lowly servant will do better. Will you allow this San Lang to try and feed you again?”

Xie Lian sighs and makes a show of pretending to think about it. He sighs again and nods. “Very well. But please do it properly this time, all right?”

Despite the words, Xie Lian’s face has not yet lost its reddened hue. There is also a light, shy smile on his face that he cannot seem to shake off. He pulls back, settling against the pillows comfortably, before he opens his mouth again, more expectantly this time.

The urge to tease is stronger than before, but Xie Lian is observing him quite intently and he knows he wouldn’t get away with it this time. So, Hua Cheng brings the spoon to Xie Lian’s lips this time and watches him swallow with a delighted hum.

He realises that the sight is more than he bargained for and far better than all the teasing. He can feel heat pooling in his guts, and he has to pause, blinking in wonder.

When the spoon doesn’t return, Xie Lian tilts his head in confusion. Hua Cheng looks away. He’s very glad right now of being a ghost. Otherwise, it would be his complexion that would now turn as red as a tomato.

“San Lang? Did you want me to feed myself after all?”

“No! No, this San Lang can do it!”

Each spoonful he eats is met with a pleased sound. Xie Lian obviously finds the soup he made delicious – the look in his eyes, the way his lips close around the spoon, how his tongue run along his mouth to catch any stray drop…

It’s becoming harder and harder not to react.

“San Lang is such a good cook!” Xie Lian eventually comments. There is a fondness in his features, filled with something nostalgic. “It reminds me of my mother.”

There could not be better praise than this. Hua Cheng is struck speechless. He stares at the bowl intently, unable to look at his dianxia anymore.

“San Lang?”

“Excuse-me for a moment. I’ll return these to the kitchens. I’ll be right back.”

With that, he flees, barely hearing the surprised “Oh, yes, all right!” Xie Lian uttered.

It’s only an excuse, of course. He could’ve waived the empty dishes away. But Xie Lian’s face had been too much at that point and he needed to get away, else he might do something he completely regrets.

When he’s further away down the hall, he stops. The plates disappear from his hands so he can bring one to his mouth. His eye shines and his whole body shivers. Alive, his chest would’ve thumped with the frantic beat of his heart.

He is just so far gone… whatever will he do?

“Dianxia…”

“Where does it hurt?” Hua Cheng asks softly, watching Xie Lian with a worried glance.

The latter is sprawled in bed, hand over his forehead, face flushed. It’s definitely not as bad as he’d been the last four days, but it’s not good either. Xie Lian doesn’t look comfortable.

“I’m not sure,” he answers, voice nothing more than a murmur. “Everywhere? Nowhere? I can’t pinpoint…”

Which makes sense, sort of. Sure, Xie Lian had been wounded from the inside, but it’s his soul that sustained the most damage. It figures that the pain would be hard to pinpoint.

Xie Lian is panting hard, as though he’d just come back from one long run. Hua Cheng worries at his lower lip, nibbling the flesh.

It’s his fault again. It’d been two days since the Gao Huang Gui was removed, and Xie Lian was slowly getting better. Hua Cheng gave small doses of spiritual energy frequently to help the other heal, either through touches, or through small kisses here and there, definitely pleased by the blush that dusted over the god’s cheeks.

Seeing as Xie Lian was taking it all rather well, he’d thought he’d be ready for more. And Hua Cheng had grown greedy of the affections he bestowed upon his beloved. So, he’d kissed Xie Lian — it’s not like it had been the first time he’d delivered spiritual energy that way, after all — and poured more, thinking it would finally help.

His dianxia, his most cherished and wonderful dianxia, didn’t say anything. He hadn’t needed to, however. The pained noise he uttered, slipping between their lips, was enough to rip Hua Cheng away as though he’d been burned, looking in horror at the growing flush on the other’s skin, the latter’s breathing ragged — but not short, thank goodness not short, not like he was searching for air that wouldn’t come.

Too much, too much, Hua Cheng had given too much, had been too much yet again! Why couldn’t he control himself, why couldn’t he learn?!

He hated with a passion the pained and wobbly smile sent his way, hated that he was the one who put it there, his dianxia trying so hard to be strong for him when he should not even be giving him the time of day.

Stupid, stupid, he was so stupid!

“I’m so sorry, dianxia, I wasn’t— I…” Hua Cheng had stammered, the guilt dripping from his tone.

“It’s fine, San Lang,” Xie Lian had answered, panting. “I probably wasn’t ready for more yet… I’m really sorry… It figures my luck wouldn’t favor me this time either, ha ha ha…”

Why?! Hua Cheng had wanted to ask. Why do you always put everything on your shoulders? Why do you apologize when it is clearly no fault of yours?!

A whimper of pain had finally snapped Hua Cheng out of his reverie and put him to action. He’d cupped Xie Lian’s face in his hands, feeling the mild fever — dammit, it’d been about to break, it wasn’t supposed to go up, his fault, his fault, his fault…

Another whimper had him help Xie Lian lie back down, tucking him under the sheets, resting his head on the plush pillows. He’d cooed soothingly, pushing the stray hair out of his face in loving motions.

Now, Xie Lian is slowly regaining his breath, but the frown hasn’t gone and the fever won’t lower — not so much as break. Hua Cheng summons a wet cloth and a bowl of fresh cold water. He proceeds to wash Xie Lian’s face, placing the cloth on his forehead once he’s done.

He’s rewarded with a pleased hum — albeit a little weak. Hua Cheng stares wide eye as Xie Lian reaches for his lap, resting his head on his knees instead of the pillows. “Thank you, San Lang. You always do so much for me, I’m not really sure how I deserve it.”

Hua Cheng is speechless. Not sure how—?

He wants to scream at everything that made his god, his wonderful, amazing god, doubt himself so much. Wants to rampage and destroy those undeserving trash who thought they deserved their place in heaven when they couldn’t even lift a finger to help their own. Wants to tell his dianxia how precious he is, how he’d done everything right and helped Hua Cheng since the beginning.

That he’d suffered through too much already. That Hua Cheng had seen it all and he wanted to help and make amends.

Instead, he closed his eye tightly and caressed Xie Lian’s hair, brushing the strands carefully, and said this. “Dianxia deserves the world. He goes out of his way to help everyone in need, and he cares so deeply for the people. If anyone should deserve help, safety and comfort when they are vulnerable, it’s definitely dianxia.”

Xie Lian gasps. For a moment, his gaze shines with something Hua Cheng can’t quite pinpoint. For a moment, he looks like he wants to look up at the ghost King. Instead, he buries his face in the other’s lap, the wet cloth falling to the side on the mattress.

Hands grab at Hua Cheng’s pants, clutching tightly. “Thank you,” he hears.

“Always, Your Highness,” he whispers back with an adoring smile.

They stay like this a while, basking in the comfort they bring to each other, Xie Lian resting on Hua Cheng’s lap, the latter stroking his hair, having placed the cloth back to his forehead. At some point, he thinks Xie Lian’s fallen back asleep, his breathing slow and calm.

He’s surprised to hear the other’s voice come up.

“San Lang?”

“Hmm?” he hums, watching for any sign of discomfort. “What is it, gege? Are you in any pain?”

There’s a bit of silence before the other answers. “… No, I just…”

It’s obvious he’s lying with the way he hesitated. Hua Cheng frowns, moving his fingers to Xie Lian’s skin, now softly brushing his jaw and neck, scratching gently the back of his head. The tension eases a little from his dianxia’s features.

“Gege, please. No more of that,” he requests, not in a whine, but close. “You suffered enough already. Please let this lowly servant help. Allow me to be there for you. You can tell me if you are in pain. It’ll be no bother to me, I swear.”

Xie Lian opens his eyes, stares at Hua Cheng above him, and chews at his bottom lip before he looks away.

“It’s just… it’s n—” he cuts himself, clearly about to say that it was nothing, probably out of habit. Hua Cheng is glad that his message is making its way somewhere. “It’s not too bad, really, I just can’t really tell what hurts or not, it’s a little peculiar.” He chuckles nervously. “I thought, maybe, San Lang could help and distract me?”

Hua Cheng raises an eyebrow at that, eye twinkling. He doesn’t like what he heard about the other’s pain, but there’s nothing much he can do about it for now and he doesn’t want to send spiritual energy just yet. He did enough damage.

So, he pushes it away for now and concentrates on what he can control.

“Oh? Did gege have something specific in mind?”

It’s definitely a blush, and not the fever, that is now reddening the other’s cheeks. He’s also twiddling with his fingers, twisting his hanfu.

“…Could you, perhaps, read something to me? If you don’t mind, of course.”

Hua Cheng smiles, gaze softening in fondness.

“Of course, gege. It’ll be my pleasure. What did you want me to read you?”

“Anything you’d like.”

“Well, in that case, have you ever heard the tale of The Eight Immortals?”

Xie Lian is apologizing. He’s taking the blame for what happened. He thinks he’s done something wrong to Hua Cheng, made him upset!

They’d been resting in his bed, Xie Lian reading a scroll, Hua Cheng absent-mindedly building a palace with golden leaves, his attention more focused on the person he was lying on. He thought Xie Lian looked distracted, as though something lay heavy on his mind, and he’d been right.

He discards the game he’d barely been paying attention to and faces his beloved, cradling his face in his hands. “Dianxia, look at me,” he says, waiting for the hesitant and guilt-ridden golden irises to meet his own. “You’ve done nothing wrong. You were ill, possessed by a demon. Nothing that happened is your fault!”

He wants to wail when Xie Lian protests, grieved that his dear god would think so lowly of himself.

“But it’s not entirely true, isn’t it? I do remember a bit, waking up a few times to see you so… angry at yourself! And it doesn’t make sense to me, because you’ve done absolutely everything right to me, so it comes to reason that I was the one who made you feel that way—”

Hua Cheng can’t take it anymore, can’t stop the anguish cry, because he has to stop that train of thought, has to make his dianxia see how good he is, how he couldn’t do anything wrong!

“NO!” he roars.

When Xie Lian startles, Hua Cheng deflates, berating himself. He won’t be able to show if he scares his god away from him.

“No…” he murmurs this time, hugging himself.

What should he do? Does he explain everything? Does he say it’s his fault? That would mean describing everything that went down, retelling his every mistake. Was he ready to face the look of hate and disgust his most precious person is bound to harbor once he knows? Is he ready to have Xie Lian leave his life for good?

He sighs. “I— Dianxia, please, you haven’t done anything. It’s…” He sighs a second time, his head hung in defeat. “It’s more complicated than that…”

“Can’t you explain?”

His tone is so gentle, so sweet. Hua Cheng closes his eye tightly, teeth clenched behind his closed mouth.

He’s scared. He’s so fucking terrified! He doesn’t want Xie Lian to leave him, doesn’t want what they have to end forever. He’s such a selfish coward! Dianxia should know, had every right to know, but he can’t bring himself.

He gathers Xie Lian’s hands in his, resting his forehead to their entwined fingers in a silent prayer. He gathers his courage slowly, his skin prickling.

The gasp of horror makes him look up in fright, wondering what happened.

“San Lang, what…?”

It’s when he realised that Xie Lian must’ve caught a glimpse of the wounds on his back that he panics. He shoves his hair back and scrambles off the bed, stepping back with trembling legs.

Shit! Shit shit shit! Xie Lian was never supposed to see! That was his punishment, his way of repenting. He should’ve hidden them better, should’ve been more careful!

The panic spikes when he realises Xie Lian is following him out of bed, backing him into a wall.

“San Lang, those marks! What are they? You’re a ghost, a Ghost King, you should be able to heal! Why does it look like you’re hurt?”

He’s fucked. He’s so fucked! Xie Lian is cornering him, there’s no way out! He definitely won’t let him leave without an explanation now…

“San Lang, please tell me what’s going on,” he asks again.

His tone is gentler. He doesn’t realise that that’s what hurts more. There is no way Hua Cheng can resist that pleading look. He will do quite literally anything for his dianxia, even at the cost of their friendship. Because he knows that Xie Lian won’t look at him the same after this.

But Xie Lian deserves to know.

Hua Cheng sighs in defeat, shoulders drooping.

“They’re a reminder,” he says, barely above a whisper.

“A reminder? Of what?”

He narrows his eyes in self-disgust, looking down at the floor. He can almost feel himself baring his fangs. “Of my failure. Or failures.”

And he explains then. The words start pouring from his lips before he can think of catching them. He explains the events of the days Xie Lian was possessed, starting from the day he went to Puji shrine to visit. He makes sure to pin the fault of what happened to him. He hadn’t called dianxia. He hadn’t been powerful enough to heal the other. He had been useless.

He barely notices when Xie Lian gently grabs him and coaxes him back to bed, where they both sit.

He is shocked, however, when he hears himself daring to pin some of the fault on Xie Lian.

“I think— I think this San Lang was also very sad to learn gege was scared to call him. It’s really important for gege to know that it’s okay to call San Lang any time he wants or needs. He’ll never bother me. Actually, it’s impossible for gege to bother me in any kind of way.”

Hua Cheng made sure to transform his blabber into teasing, because there’s no way to take it back now. He is relieved to hear the fond chuckle in response.

His relief is short-lived. He gulps, knowing he can’t stop there.

“Your Highness, you were in so much pain after that,” he says, reliving the horrors he still couldn’t shake from his mind. “I’m afraid to say I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t want to leave your side either. And you kept getting worse and worse…”

“San Lang, I can’t die,” Xie Lian interjects softly.

The words ring in his mind painfully, poison splashed into his very essence as flashes of glassy eyes and blue lips tainted with crimson burn his retina.

I can’t die. I can’t die. I can’t die.

“This time you could have!!” he cries out, grabbing Xie Lian by the shoulders.

This time, you have!!! he stops himself from saying.

His hands almost clutch the other’s shoulders tightly, but Hua Cheng catches himself in time and slowly gathers his hands back on his lap. “That thing,” he spits with loathing, “that thing was sucking your soul!”

There’s shock and realisation in Xie Lian’s eyes.

Good.

“But that’s beside the point! Your Highness, whether or not that thing could kill you, it made you suffer. You tend to brush your pain off. You think that, because you’ve endured worse before, it doesn’t matter. But that’s not true! It matters! You don’t deserve to suffer! You’re allowed to live, free of pain!”

There are tears gathering in Xie Lian’s eyes. The emotions swirling in them are intense. Hua Cheng isn’t sure he can name them all.

He keeps going, keeps explaining what happened. Eventually, he arrives at the point where Xie Lian was hurting so badly, he was clawing himself. Hua Cheng explains that the only thing he could think of was to put himself on the line instead.

“You mean to say that I…?” he can’t finish to ask, pointing at Hua Cheng’s back instead.

The latter nods. He can’t look at Xie Lian anymore, instead staring at his fidgeting hands. That’s a lot to take in, he knows.

“Can I see them?”

He’s surprised at the request, and unsure. He doesn’t know what it’ll bring Xie Lian other than more undeserved guilt.

But he can’t refuse his dianxia anything. So he accepts. He unties the upper part of his robes, pulling his long hair in front of him, and turns his back to Xie Lian.

This is it. This is the moment where Xie Lian would truly realise how horrible of a person Hua Cheng is. The shock would morph into disgust. Or maybe, more realistically, into fright at the ghost; because the god was a good person who’d never truly be disgusted at anyone.

But he could definitely be terrified of someone.

He expects the fingers tracing the wounds. He is stunned, however, when lips press against them as well.

Hua Cheng tenses, turning his head slightly towards the other. “Dianxia?” he whispers in confusion.

Is this the other mocking him? Making a show before throwing him away like the trash he is?

Before his train of thoughts can turn even darker, Xie Lian startles and pulls away so fast, he loses his balance and falls out of the bed. Hua Cheng attempted to catch him, but wasn’t quick enough, and Xie Lian’s head pops out from the other end of the bed, cheeks and face aflame.

“I’m okay! I’m okay…” he exclaims with an embarrassed cough.

Hua Cheng blinks… then bursts into laughter, unable to hold it. Xie Lian joins him as he sits back on the bed. They laugh and laugh, rolling on the bed. The tension of the last few days evaporates. The weight on Hua Cheng’s shoulders finally lifts.

When they finally calm, Hua Cheng catches the other’s eyes quickly returning to the ceiling after having watched him, face a little red. There is longing in the ghost King’s features as he can’t help himself but foolishly hope.

“San Lang is wrong, you know,” Xie Lian distracts him, returning to their previous conversation.

Turning to his side, Hua Cheng cocks an eyebrow teasingly. “Oh? And pray tell how is this humble San Lang wrong?”

The snort elates him.

“He said he’d failed me. Or, well, he implied it anyway. But that’s far from the truth. As a matter of fact, San Lang saved me.”

Hua Cheng’s eye grow wide in shock. He can’t quite believe what he’s hearing. Surely he’s dreaming…?

“He arrived the moment I needed him most, whisked me away, and took care of me. He took care of my wounds, stayed with me, and comforted me while I was scared and in pain. All of that means so much to me, it’s making my heart burst with gratefulness every time I think about it.”

Isn’t he aware that Hua Cheng is the one who made his state worse? That if he hadn’t sent spiritual energy, when he knew the spirit was absorbing it, Xie Lian might not have been so close to death’s doors?

No, no he wasn’t. Hua Cheng hadn’t mentioned. He should. He really should!

But Xie Lian isn’t finished. “We can keep asking ‘what if’, but we will never know the answer to that.”

And, oh… wasn’t that what Hua Cheng had been waiting to hear all along?

“I will also keep making my own choices, and you’ve always respected that. You probably won’t be able to protect me from all of them, but that’s alright. That’s not what I want either. You, being by my side when I’ve been alone for so long, doing your best to help me heal or to help me live through the consequences, that’s what saves me!”

He gasps, can feel the prickling at the corner of his eyes. There is warmth seeping in every pore of his body.

How is Xie Lian real?

“You are an incredible person, San Lang. You are kind and generous and so devoted, I find myself wondering what I did to deserve such kindness from you. I’m not really that good of a person, and I’m far from being as extraordinary as you are…”

Lies. Xie Lian was far better than Hua Cheng could ever hope to be. He wants to protest, but there is shushing finger on his lips.

“But I am eternally grateful for it all. I hope San Lang will keep staying at my side for as long as he wishes.”

The tension between is completely different from earlier now. It is charged with an emotion Hua Cheng can’t name, but can feel in his guts and into the shivers running down his spine. He watches how dianxia’s eyes turn to his lips, senses the electricity in the air, can even taste it on his tongue. There is a pull as they slowly approach each other. Hua Cheng isn’t above offering spiritual energy at this point…

A clang resounds near them and they both start violently. Xie Lian pulls away, searching for the source of the noise until he finds E-Ming shaking in its scabbard at the foot of the bed.

Hua Cheng wants to break it in half for disturbing them at the absolute worse moment. “Piece of trash,” he grumbles.

But Xie Lian scolds him for saying that and Hua Cheng pouts at the attention that was supposed to be his now given to the sword. So unfair!

He sighs, sitting up and starting to dress himself fully. Now that he realises it, it’s a little embarrassing he stayed half-naked for so long.

“I might have learned a lesson or two,” he hears Xie Lian say. He arches an eyebrow, listening. “I will try to be more careful next time and call San Lang if I ever find myself in trouble. I’m not saying it’ll be easy, old habits die hard after all. But I will try my best.”

And that is already so much more than Hua Cheng could ever hope for, isn’t it? He’d expected Xie Lian to leave him after all of this, never wanting to see him again, but instead, their friendship only solidified.

“That’s all I’m asking for,” he answers with a smile.

He still wishes for more, but he isn’t certain how much the fever had been the one talking when Xie Lian lamented over Hua Cheng’s beloved. He should ask, but he is too much of a coward to do it. He still doesn’t think he’s deserving either.

No, if anything was to develop, he’d let Xie Lian make the first move. Hua Cheng never wanted to put pressure onto his beloved. And if friendship was the only thing he ever got from the god, well… Hua Cheng would still be the luckiest ghost in all of the three realms.

And he would keep doing everything for his cherished dianxia’s happiness. Because Xie Lian’s smile could illuminate any room he was in and warmed his cold dead heart.

Xie Lian deserved the world, forever and ever.