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"Please." The word was whispered but that didn't stop it from bouncing around the entire room, possibly even the entire house and causing the blood in Caradoc's veins to freeze as he stood there in front of Benjy who looked as though he hadn't stopped crying in months. "Please just hear me out."
Caradoc swallowed thickly. Part of him wanted to stand there and listen to Benjy, toet the man who had broken his heart just three months ago beg him to take him back. A cruel part of him was enjoying it, but he knew that that part of him just stemmed from the hurt that he had been carrying around since Benjy had broken off their relationship.
But part of him wanted to stick his fingers in his ears and to sing and the tops of his lungs so that he wouldn't have to hear the way that the man he had once loved - and probably still did - was going to tell him how much he had missed him and how much he still loved him. Caradoc didn't think that he was strong enough to be able to hear the words that Benjy seemed to be hell-bent on saying.
"And if I can't?" Caradoc asked when he finally felt like he could talk without breaking down himself. It was enough that Benjy was crying; he couldn't join him in that. He couldn't risk letting himself be vulnerable when it had cost him so much to get to this point where he could function again. It helped that he and Benjy had been sent on completely separate missions for the last few weeks, putting some space between them had been good for Caradoc.
"I - I -" Benjy stuttered out and Caradoc found himself hoping that Fabian or Gideon would burst in and interrupt this awkward reunion. He didn't know why they had been left alone in the first place, though he supposed that it was a situation that Benjy had probably orchestrated if he was this determined to talk it out. If Benjy had managed to convince the others that he should be allowed to talk, to get his side of the story out then it made sense that Caradoc would end up in that position.
"You - what?" Caradoc asked, a sigh slipping out. He didn't want to care about what Benjy had to say but it didn't look like he had a choice. The heart wants what the heart wants, that was something that he had always preached.
"I'm sorry." The words made Caradoc feel sick. He wanted to run away but he found that he was frozen to the spot, stuck listening to Benjy's apologies. "I'm sorry for leaving you. I'm sorry for the things I said that night."
"Being sorry doesn't take back the things that you said." Caradoc whispered shakily. He was trying not to be taken in by the things that his ex was saying, but that was one of the reasons that he was so good at what he did, because he could get almost everyone to do what he wanted without the use of an imperius. It had made him an irreplaceable member of the Order, but it also made him particularly dangerous in situations like this where Caradoc knew that he should stick to his guns.
"I know." Benjy had closed the distance between them now and Caradoc could feel his heart hammering in his chest. He both wanted Benjy to place his hand on his cheek and for Benjy to get out of here and never come back. "And I know there's nothing I could do or say that will ever make up for what any of it, but Cara, I still want to try."
"I don't think I can't let you." Caradoc whispered. He was trying to be strong but he knew that the moment that Benjy professed his love to him, the moment that he was able to say what he wanted to then he would cave. "Do you know how hard it has been to get over you?"
"You're… you're over me?" Benjy's eyes were wide now as he stared at Caradoc, who wasn't at all surprised to find that he was sort of pleased to see the hurt in them. He knew that that made him a bad person, but he couldn't take that back.
"No, I'm not. I'm not even close to getting over you, but I've been making slow progress and if I let you back in now, then I lose all of that." Caradoc sighed, taking a step backwards, only to have Benjy shadow him.
"Cara, I'm telling you that I'm in love with you. I don't want you to get over me. I want you to be mine." Benjy was reaching for his hand now and Caradoc felt the breath hitching in his throat, but he didn't pull away. "I understand that if you're heart is closed off to me forever, but if there is any chance at all that you can give your heart to me again, then please consider letting me back in."
Caradoc swallowed thickly again. He didn't know what to think or do now, all he knew was that he was potentially setting himself up for further heartbreak, but at the same time he knew that they were in the middle of a war and they'd already lost so many members of the Order and he knew that tomorrow wasn't given. He couldn't seem to find any words at all, so instead his eyes flickered to their hands, to the way that Benjy had laced their fingers together.
"Cara?" Benjy's voice was soft but it was just enough to draw Caradoc back out of his thoughts and back to the present. "Say something?"
Caradoc made himself meet Benjy's gaze before he managed to give a small nod. "Okay."
"Okay, you'll give me another chance?" Benjy asked, his whole face lighting up. "You won't regret this, Cara." He said as he reached his free hand up to cup his cheek in the palm of his hand before he pressed a soft kiss to his lips.
Caradoc kissed him back before pulling back ever so slightly so that he could speak. "Do you promise?" He whispered before he kissed Benjy before the man could answer him.