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There had been a party occurring and the crew had been called out as a boy had collapsed and no one knew why. As they weaved through the crowd and heard the mummers an idea of what had happened, TK gripped the medical bag next to him harder, his knuckles growing white. When they reached the boy two of his friends were sitting next to him, shaking his unmoving body.
One of the boys looked up at the EMT crew, his eyes shining with tears, “He-he took something, I don’t know what,” TK felt the cold realisation run through his body. He stopped in his tracks, the bag in his hand dropping to the ground with a thud.
“You don’t know what he took?” He heard Tommy ask, kneeling down to check the boy's pulse.
The kid shook his head, running his hands through his hair, “Some pills I think? Molly, Oxy I don’t know?” He stuttered, stumbling back from his friend.
TK kelt next to the young boy, he must have been around 16 maybe 17, practically a child. TK could see Tommy and Nancy saying something to him, their lips moving and their faces screwed up in worry, but TK could hear nothing.
The only thing he could hear was the intense beating of his heart and the ringing in his ears. TK’s hands were frozen in front of him as he just stared at the pale face of the boy, he should do something, he needed to help. He wanted to help, wanted to move his hands but he couldn’t, his breathing caught in his throat and TK just watched as his crewmates worked to save his life.
TK felt a presence next to him, hands reaching out to help his captain.
Carlos.
The three of them worked and after chest compressions and Narcan the kid surged forward, coughing and gagging, Tommy turned him onto his side and the kid began to breathe again. He was alive, TK could hear as people around started to calp but TK still didn’t move, his breathing still quick and harsh in his chest. Tommy and Nancy spoke to the boy, moving him onto the gurney they had wheeled in with them. TK managed to move his fingers, then his hand and eventually he was able to stand up, his legs feeling weak and unsteady. Tommy and Nancy wheeled the boy out of the room and TK watched as Carlos picked up the medical bag by TK’s feet, his hand coming to rest on his lower back, TK savoured the comforting touch but it did little to subside the guilt welling in his chest, “Come on, let's go,” Carlos whispered leading TK out of the room.
TK sat on the curb, his hands linked together, his elbows resting on his knees. TK played with his fingers, looking down at the tarmac “You okay?” Tommy said, coming to sit next to him.
TK stared ahead, his fingers fidgeting harder, “I froze,” He whispered, “The kid was lying there dying and I just...froze,” TK continued, his voice getting caught in his throat like the words didn’t want to leave, like if he didn’t say them they might not be true. He looked over at his captain, her image growing blurry as tears pricked the corner of his eyes, “I let you down,” He croaked.
Tommy cocked her head to the side, “No you didn’t TK,” She comforted.
“Carlos had to step in I-” TK just shook his head, the tears rolling down his cheek, “I wanted this job so bad and I screwed it up,” he said, a sad laugh escaping his lips
“Do you remember my first day?” Tommy asked. TK gave a small nod, “When I was at the roller derby when I was looking down at that girl…” TK looked back over at his captain as he stopped talking, her eyes seemingly focusing on a spot in the distances, “I froze,” She admitted, TK felt his eyes growing wider “It doesn’t mean you're a bad paramedic if you freeze, it means you’re human,” She smiled, reaching out to give his knee a small squeeze.
TK took in a large breath, noticing Carlos coming over to the pair. Tommy gave a final squeeze before standing up, Carlos coming to sit down next to TK, “Hey,” He softly said.
“Hey,” TK smiled, “Thank you, for stepping in,” TK sighed, “You shouldn’t have had to do that,”
“Tommy and Nancy had it handled,” Carlos said, reaching out to entwine his fingers with TK’s “It’s okay Ty,” Carlos soothed.
“I just-” TK bit his lip, “I just saw that kid and all I could think about was...” He trailed off, looking over at Carlos, his face showing he understood what TK was going to say. All he could think about was New York, all he could think about was himself lying lifeless on the floor.
Carlos leaned forward, placing a kiss on TK’s forehead, his own forehead coming to rest on it, “It’s alright,” He whispered. Carlos moved his head back, taking his hand from TK’s and wrapping it around TK’s shoulder, pulling him closer. TK felt the tension start to drain from his body as he rested against Carlos' side. “You did good TK,” Carlos said into TK’s hair.
“I didn’t do anything,” TK muttered against Carlos' shoulder, “You, Tommy and Nancy saved him,” TK said.
TK felt Carlos take in a deep breath, “You’re not the only person who has frozen at a scene Ty,” TK looked up at Carlos, still not moving from his side, “Yeah we’re first responders but we’re also people, and sometimes people struggle,” TK knew it made sense, he never judged anyone who had frozen at a scene, after all their jobs were far from easy. But TK didn’t freeze, TK ran towards danger with a smile on his face yet today when someone had needed him...
“I got this job to help people,” TK argued, his brows pulled together.
“You do TK,” Carlos said, “I have watched you saved life after life and deal with impossible circumstances,” TK turned his head so he was resting it on Carlos's shoulder again, “You’re a great paramedic TK, please don’t ever forget that,” Carlos whispered, placing a kiss on the top of TK’s head.
TK watched as Tommy and Nancy closed the back of the ambulance door, “I should get going, shifts not over,” TK sighed, reluctantly pulling his head from Carlos' shoulder. TK gave a pout as Carlos unwrapped his arm from around TK, the pair of them standing up.
Carlos reached out, wrapping his arms around TK’s shoulder, “Alright, I’ll see you tonight?” He asked.
TK smiled, nodding, “Of course,” TK moved forward, placing a kiss against Carlos's lips, “I love you,” He soothed.
Carlos smiled back, placing a kiss on TK’s cheek, watching as the man's smile grew, “I love you too Ty,” Carlos breathed, pulling his arms back.
TK gave Carlos’s hand a quick squeeze before he jogged back to the truck, jumping in the front of the vehicle next to Nancy who was at the wheel.
“You ready?” Nancy asked.
TK looked out the passenger window, watching as Carlos gave him a small wave, a soft smile on his face. TK smiled as he spoke, “Yeah I’m ready,” He breathed, savouring the sight of the man he loved as they pulled out of the lot.