Chapter Text
“I don’t want to wake up in your wasteland”
Chan stared down at the coffee cup between his elbows, resting his cheek in the palm of his hand. No real thoughts had entered his mind for at a minimum the past few hours, he was in a daze as he stared blankly ahead for no real reason. It was no later than 7 in the morning, which was actually sleeping in for the music composition student. With a deep breath, he inhaled the earthy scent of drink, long since cold. He slowly dipped his chin to his chest and shut his eyes with a deep inhale and exhale, rubbing the inside of his forearm mindlessly, the phantom sensations of the previous night leaving invisible scars upon his skin.
Chan had found it odd that Felix was the one leading them up to Chan’s apartment. It probably wasn’t that unusual given that Felix had been there a handful of times before, enough that he could know the path there if it were necessary, but never before under the pretenses of what was about to happen. It still felt out of place. As they climbed up the stairs, Felix turned his head and gave Chan one of his dazzling smiles, almost as if he was making sure that yes, Chan is still behind me. He almost needed the reassurance even though Felix had his hand firmly circled around Chan’s wrist as he pulled him up the stairs, holding on as if he were a skittish dog that would tuck tail and run at any given opportunity.
Perhaps he would have.
Standing up from the table with a sigh, he placed the untouched drink in the sink to become future-Chan’s problem. Maybe when - no, if - he got his emotions in check. Chan wasn’t one to ever let things get to him if he had any say in the matter. He tends to put up a wall, “The Great Wall of Chan” he would mentally refer to it. Few people got to see beyond the wall and experience what lay beyond, because under that thick exterior was a boy who was sensitive and exposed. Vulnerable.
Felix shut the door and quickly locked it. Chan was standing in the middle of the living room, a sizeable gap between the two of them but their eyes were locked on one another. They were the same height, but even as Felix approached the older, he felt like Felix was towering over him. Chan, all muscles and broad shoulder, felt so small then. He took shy steps backwards, matched with Felix’s confident steps forward. Soon he bumped into his bedroom door. He stayed there, unmoving, as Felix closed the distance between them. Finally, Felix was just a mere breath away, their lips sharing the same miniscule space. They stayed like that, centimeters apart for what felt like an eternity, with their breaths intermingling. Chan’s breath hitched when Felix reached a small and gentle hand to Chan’s jaw, thumb caressing his cheek.
Their lips touched for not the first time that night, nor the last.
He was still standing in front of the sink, eyes raking in all the dishes he’d managed to accumulate. I really should take care of this. He went to his bedroom, decidedly to get ready for the day, but paused in his tracks once he was in the middle of the room. He looked to the dirty sheets and clothes that filled up his laundry hamper. As a college student, he wasn’t exceptionally lazy - he preferred to consider himself average in that regard. He kept up on things. Did the dishes before they grew legs and ran away, vacuumed before the dust bunnies could conquer his home, and only sometimes would the laundry overflow to the point where he wasn’t sure what the floor looked like beneath. But now, he stared at the small mound of clothes that made a home in front of the full hamper, the messy sheets and drool stains on the pillow. How could he have let himself get like this?
The way Chan’s back arched could only be described as something breathtakingly beautiful. His fingers were curled in the tresses of Felix’s hair, tugging when he managed to use his tongue in a way that made Chan’s toes curl. It was a sensation he hadn’t experienced before, not this amazing in the least. Nothing had ever felt so memorable and monumental, it would be emblazoned in his mind similar to the marks he etched down Felix’s back.
Finding himself no longer in his bedroom but instead in the bathroom, he leaned against the tiled wall. The cold permeated through what thin clothes he wore. He slowly sunk down, slow enough that he could feel his clothes catch on the graininess of the wall on his back as he made his way down. He was sitting, now, with his knees pressed to his chest. His fingers returned back to his forearm, the skin concealed by a black long sleeve shirt. He traced his fingers in the shape of letters, before digging his nails into the fabric as hard as he could manage. Had the cloth not been there, he surely would’ve drawn blood. Warm tear drops slid down his cheeks as silent sobs threatened to wrack through his body.
“Oh Felix, Lix, I’m so close-!”
“Just a bit longer, baby, I’m right there with you.” Felix’s deep voice rang in his ear.
The room was as hot as an oven.
There was nothing but warmth and love between the two of them.
They were both climbing a mountain, just about to its peak - and together, they saw the sudden blinding white light.
“Ah, Lixie…” Pants and heavy breathing filled the air.
Eventually, a long moment of silence.
Even longer.
Had hours passed?
“Chan… I love you.”
“I love you too, Felix.”
With an outraged cry, he determinedly stood up. He furiously removed all of his clothing, nearly ripping in the process. He could hardly see, his eyes were filled to the brim with tears. He stood in front of the bathroom mirror, pure and unmarked skin in the reflection looking back at him. No bruises, no scars, no birthmarks, no tattoos. To most this is a rare and precious thing, considering that every lie your soulmate tells you becomes forever branded into the skin. No bruises, no scars, no birthmarks, no tattoos, and most importantly, no lies.
Correction - No lies until the morning after that fateful night.
Chan wasn’t egotistical, but he did like to admire his own body. He took care of himself, worked out, and he liked to think that he was nice to look at. But now, whenever he’d see himself, there would only be one thing that stood out to him.
Taking up the entire length of the inside of his forearm, so easily able to be displayed for the entire world to see, in big, bold letters, a lie from his soulmate. I love you .