Chapter Text
When Taehyung finds the box of Jungkook's things, he nearly throws it immediately in the trash.
He wants to, if only to ease that stinging pain that's never quite left his chest, even at the mere sight of Jungkook's belongings. (At the reminder of all that he's lost.)
He doesn't know what possesses him to open the box, but he does. It's mostly throwaway things, like an old phone he never uses anymore, and useless bits and bobbles.
But at the bottom is an envelope that catches his eye, if only because it's scrawled with Jungkook's handwriting.
"To the one who loves him next."
Taehyung stares at it for a long, long time, his heart thudding in his chest.
He remembers, how Jungkook had written letters, the way some might write diaries or journals.
He'd said, once, that it felt cathartic.
Like a way to process his emotions, with the phantom sense that there's someone listening to him without having to actually reveal his inner thoughts.
Taehyung puts the letter back in the box.
It will only hurt, to open it. (But he doesn't throw it away.)
He lasts all of two days, before he's tearing open the box again with a fervent, manic sort of desperation, and opening the letter with trembling hands.
To the one who loves him next,
His name is Taehyung, but he likes to be called anything but.
Tae, Hyungie, Taetae.
He likes diminutives, because, I think, that’s his brand of affection; when he calls you baby and love and sweetheart, that’s the way you know he loves you - with his whole heart, so much so that he can’t help but to express it, even when he calls your name.
When he stopped using those terms of endearment, that’s how I’d known, in the end.
That, at least for me, his love might have finally run out.
That when he calls me Jungkook, it had meant, that I was no longer his baby.
Which, I guess. I guess that’s the point of this letter. That-
Whoever loves him next, whoever you are, I hope you love him in the way he deserves. That you love him, better than I did, and better than I could.
Not more.
Just better.
Because...as arrogant as this may sound, I don’t think it’s possible, for someone to love him more than I did. I loved him with my whole heart, every bit of it until it hurt, sometimes, just from how much I loved him.
I loved him, with a love that was more than love.
I really, really do did.
It just wasn’t good enough, I think. I thought that if I loved him hard enough, it would be good enough. But I realize now, that sometimes, even if you love someone with everything you have, what you have, just isn’t what they need. Or want.
I’m grateful, still, for the time I had where Taehyung did love me.
Because it made me a better person, I think. It made me into someone who could let the person he loves go; I loved him enough to try to hold on, but he taught me how to love someone enough to let them go, too.
To the one who loves him next: that’s what Taehyung’s love is capable of.
It will make you a better person, simply by virtue of having been fortunate enough to receive his love. It will make you more thoughtful, more kind, more patient, because it will show you what it feels like, to be loved by someone so incredible.
Because Taehyung’s love was the greatest gift I’d ever received, and it will be the greatest thing you receive, too.
So treasure it, please, because you might find yourself without it, one day, and think that you’d give anything to have it back for just one more second.
Anything at all.
To the one who loves him next: please handle him with care.
He’s such a bright and stunning person, that it feels like you’re basking in the warm sun whenever you’re in his presence. He spends so much time tending to everyone around him, that it’s easy to forget that he needs someone to tend to him, too.
He isn’t as strong as he likes to pretend he is, and when you watch sad movies, he’s going to let you cry into his shoulder and hide the fact that he’s crying, too.
So you have to hold him, and let him pretend he isn’t crying, and give him a shoulder to cry on.
And on days when his smile doesn’t quite reach his eyes, he’ll never tell you he’s hurting or that he’s tired or having a hard time, because he’s dumb like that. (But don’t be too annoyed; it’s just the way he loves you, in the only way he knows how.)
On days like those, please bring him his favorite apple-flavored ice cream, and wrap him up in his favorite soft blanket (the blue one), and watch Marvel movies. You might have to pretend it’s what you want to do, because our your dumb boy likes to put on a stupid strong front for you, but please do so.
When - if - you fight, take care with your words.
They hurt him, more deeply than you’ll ever know.
And if he ever walks off, let him, because he’ll always come back to you. He just needs a little time, to process his emotions, because Taehyung has that great big heart of his that feels everything so much more deeply than most people do.
It’s what makes his love, all the greater.
Just remember, even when - if - it gets bad, that you’re lucky to have that love.
I always did, even at the end of it.
Know, that Taehyung’s little acts of kindness are how he shows you he loves you.
That when he brings you random gifts that you’d never asked for, simply because he’d been out and thought of you, that’s how he says: he loves you, and you’re on his mind. It’s a privilege beyond compare.
That when he drapes his jacket around your shoulders, or pulls you close, or gently thumbs a stray crumb from the corner of your lips, that all of it means you’re the one in his heart.
That he might not always say it, but you’ll know, in the way he smiles at you like he can see the stars in your eyes, that his heart is yours.
Just so you know: Taehyung is dazzling. (I probably didn’t have to tell you that.) But everyone can see it, too, and he’ll always have people flocking to him like he’s the most irresistible, magnetic thing in the room. (He is.)
Don’t be jealous.
I know it’s hard, and that sometimes, watching Taehyung be in love with life - he’s such a vivacious person, you know - can be difficult, because you wonder if he has space in that great big heart of his, for you. That surrounded as he is by all these people and things and events that are equally as exciting and dazzling as he is, if he could ever have the room to look at you, too.
But don’t worry.
Taehyung might laugh the brightest laugh in a room, and he might have a hundred people clamoring for his attention, but for as long as he loves you, you’re the only one he’ll ever want.
He’s wonderfully loyal like that, our your Taehyung.
To the one who loves him next: I hope, if I’m being honest, that he’ll tell you about me one day. That even if we didn’t last, I left at least enough of an impression on his heart, that he’ll think of me, from time to time.
Perhaps this is terrible of me to say, to the person who will have his heart next. But.
You’ll have Taehyung and his love, and so it would be okay, for me to have just a little bit of his thoughts, wouldn’t it? That he’ll love you, and you’ll get to be loved by him, so it’s okay, isn’t it, if I’m selfish enough to hope that I left a little indent on his heart?
For me, at least, Taehyung had held so much of my heart, I’m not sure how much of it I got back. And I like to think, maybe, that what we had - for at least a little while - was something worth remembering.
Even if it didn’t last.
Tell him you love him every day.
Let him be the big spoon, even if sometimes you can’t fall asleep because of how tightly he’s wrapped around you, like an oversized octopus. You might miss it, one day.
He’s yours now.
So you have to be good to him. Give him the happiness that he deserves, and that I couldn’t give him.
I’m not good enough of a person to tell you that I wish you the best, but. I do, really, hope that he finds you. I hope that he finds you, the person who will love him next, and I hope that you are able to love him in the way that he needs, and deserves, and that I couldn’t.
Sincerely,
Jungkook