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Eventually even Arya realised that running around and having adventures was not going to be her whole life. If Nanny Ogg, and Magrat Garlik could have fulfilled lives and fit in a child or several she realised she did not have to be like Granny Weatherwax, not that there was anything wrong with Granny Weatherwax’s life choices, the heavens forbid she hadn’t even thought that, but she felt that with the right man she could embrace the joys of motherhood without being crushed by them.
So she set out to review options for a potential husband
The Patrician
As Arya grew up she realised that the Patrician was not only, not old, he wasn’t even slightly more than middle aged. A mixture of the stress of the job and a tendency to wear simple black clothing meant he did not produce the ‘Fwor’ factor of say a Carrot, Imp Y Celyn, or most notoriously Count Gribeau. He would however undoubtedly be a sound and stable family man entirely lacking the sorts of problems that Gribeau and Celyn would bring with them. She also had no problems with marrying into a ruling position, in fact there were several people starting with Lady Sybil Vimes, who considered she was his ideal match.
Sadly he seemed to be a bit of an ‘all work no play’ person and despite Lady Sybil pointing out that she managed quite well with Sam Vimes who was of a similar persuasion, Arya decided against.
CMOT Dibbler
Dibbler was very much a long shot or last resort on her list. While she didn’t Share Lady Sybil’s negative views of ‘Trade’ he did seem to know the price of everything but the value of nothing and she suspected he might just be after her money.
Prof Stibbons
Ponder Stibbons had a boyish charm, made more appealing by the ‘owl eyes’ glasses. He had yet to succumb to the gluttony normal in his profession and he was amazingly intelligent, but not in an intimidating way. Like all wizards he had a minimal interest in sex, the excitement of magic being so great, but Arya figured this would be both an interesting challenge and as she grew older an advantage.
Sadly like the Patrician she concluded he was already married to his job.
The Librarian
Arya had never been a specist and she got on with the librarian very well. They were both keen on bananas, neither would eat cabbage. Arya had manged to extend her vocabulary beyond Ook to a number of variations clearly with different meanings. Marrying him gave her access to the biggest library on The Disc and while she was doing her best to avoid violence he was probably the only candidate who could beat her in a fight, with or without weapons. Given that he was genetically human all those concerned thought it likely that her children would be no more picked on than any other red heads. She was still young and flexible and the thought of the gymnastic sexual options was very titillating. At one point he was definitely at the top of her list
Sadly after a couple of exploratory evenings Arya had to concede that, as was obvious from his lack of facial flanges, he was not, and was unlikely ever to become, fully sexually mature. Unless Arya could manipulate his promotion to Archchancellor she would remain an unsatisfied wife.
Constable Nobbs
There were those who considered Nobby a more radical option that the Librarian, but Arya just thought he would be fun. Close examination had lead to her to realise Nobby was a) not as daft as he chose to appear. Rather like Carrot he had an innate cunning b) Not as old as his appearance suggested. The problem was Arya was only getting married to settle down and have a family and Nobby fell clearly into the ‘one of the boys for a bit of energetic rumpy pumpy’ class, and not the ‘you change that one, while I feed this one’ camp.
Which left
Shawn Ogg
Arya had first met Shawn as he let her in to see Magrat and had thought little of him beyond, polite young man. Repeated trips to Lancre however made her realise that Shawn had many virtues. No offspring of Nanny Ogg was going to be totally useless and Shawn was practical, kind, thoroughly house trained regarding washing, cooking and cleaning and was the nearest thing in Lancre to a DIY expert, particularly around the subject of drains something Arya preferred to be in working order. On further acquaintance he proved to be more than adequate in the marital arts, or as Nanny observed to her only slightly Sotto Voce at a family gathering ‘He’ll tickle yer fancy on a regular basis, no Ogg is shy around the opposite sex’.
That left two possible stumbling blocks, location and relatives. On the first Arya had never been entirely happy in the big city. It might be where all the excitement was but it was also where most of the foul and unhealthy smells resided, literal and figurative. Her friends observed that Lancre was up in the hills and could get very cold [the locals prefer the term ‘bracing’] in the winter. She remembered Winterfell and realised that actually when heading to Lancre she felt more like she was ‘going home’ than anywhere else on The Disk.
Which just left the matter of her potential Mother-in-Law. It was clear who was in charge in the Ogg family and Arya had no desire to try and change that, but she also had no desire to become someone’s servant as, it was commonly said, were Nanny’s other daughters-in-law.
Arya consulted Magrat, who went a bit quiet on the subject, so she braced herself and went to see Granny. As usual beyond the issue of who was making the tea, Granny left Arya to start the conversation.
“You’ve known Nanny Ogg for a long time haven’t you”.
“Yes”.
“Ever had any massive falling outs”.
“No”.
“Do you think I would, if I married Shawn that is”.
“Planning to take him to Ankh-Morpork”.
“No”.
“Then why should you”.
“Two fairly dominant females with Shawn in the middle”.
“Pulling him apart”.
“Yes, and that would be what would hurt. I don’t suppose I’d mind a bit of a row with Nanny Ogg but Shawn wouldn’t”.
“Then make sure you and Nanny are always going in the same direction. That won’t be difficult if you use your brains, she's not a complex woman or a schemer; she’s just a little old lady who likes to know she’s valued and appreciated, nothing special in that. My advice would be to establish yourself as the source of quality, rather than quantity, pints of beer disappear quite rapidly, a really good bottle of whisky lasts a few days longer”.
Mentally Arya noted the just and thought it a little undeserved, but Granny had a little more to say
“Marrying then, having children”.
“Yes”.
“Never got round to it myself; but plenty of others seem to enjoy it and I expect you will”.