Chapter Text
For James time went by slowly. Has he been hiding for days, weeks, months? Even though he has been hiding for a week, it was hard for him to tell nonetheless. But he was glad that he had the company of his beautiful wife Lily, and his one year old baby, Harry. He knew that he got married a bit early at the age of nineteen and had a baby at twenty but he decided to live his life now instead of later. At any moment he could die from simply being in the order.
But now that the dark lord was after his son, they had to go into hiding. Stupid prophesy, probably not even real. Like his child would be able to defeat the dark lord. But they had to take precautions, because Voldemort seemed dumb enough to believe it. He hoped that somehow Voldemort's focus would go back to diminishing muggleborns, selfish as that was. Because, at least James would have some to fight for.
But he woke up on Halloween morning and looked at his sleeping wife and smiled. She made everything worthwhile. He stroked her red hair as Lily rolled over to put her face on his hand. "Gmorning darling," James mumbled sleepily.
Lily smiled while keeping her eyes closed, "A brand new day I suppose."
"Yep."
Harry cried in the room across the hall.
James got out of bed, "I'll get him."
Lily opened her eyes and grabbed a hold of his hand, "I love you," she slurred.
"I love you too honey."
James walked into the nursery and held Harry and held him close. He could not know if or when his baby will be gone. Must be nice, being a baby. You may die soon but not be aware. James booped Harry's nose as he babbled happily then James gave a grin. Maybe he'll be okay.
He took Harry into the bedroom as Lily sat up and took him, "There's my boy!"
Harry laughed. James tried being happy but frowned at the fact that Lily was also holding herself together for Harry's and maybe James's sake too. He wanted her to be happier, and hated that he couldn't. He was supposed to be a recourseful husband.
Another selfish thought that occurred to James was that a part of him hoped that Voldemort would be after the Longbottom's baby instead of his own. The prophesy stated that the baby born in the seventh month would be able to vanquish the dark lord, Neville and Harry were both born in the same month. But Dumbledore thought that the Potters were more likely, since Harry was also a half blood. He hated thinking these thoughts and tried not addressing them to Lily. He didn't want her to see him as selfish as he saw himself.
Still, Lily was comforting whenever James expressed his other thoughts. Like how he wished he could find out who the spy is and kill him. Then Lily said while holding his hand that it will all end up working out and to take it day by day. Another time he admitted that he was afraid that the spy was one of his friends, Remus. Lily said that even if Remus were a spy, he would never rat his friends out. Once he felt guilty for thinking it, Lily said that it made sense because it can be hard to think straight when you have to quarantine for so long. Lily made James better and always will. This was why he loved her so much and why he hoped she wasn't as distraught as him. Even though it was likely.
That afternoon after Lilly put Harry to sleep, James decided to be honest again, "Lily?"
Lily turned on the loveseat to face him as their cat stretched and sat on her lap, "Yeah?"
"I feel like I lost my marbles you know."
Lily sighed, "Me too James, me too."
"I feel like I'm just going insane. I think thoughts that I would never wish on anyone, okay maybe Snivellous but not anyone else."
Lily gave a genuine laugh and James smiled. He started to feel comfortable again, "I know it's selfish but sometimes I wish he went after the Longbottom's baby instead of ours."
Lily's smile faded, "Sometimes I wish that too."
James fumbled with his hands and looked down. He was relieved that he wasn't the only one having selfish thoughts but the room got tense.
"And I thought I was the bad guy here."
James looked up, "You what?"
Lily chuckled, "Honestly, I haven't been thinking straight since I heard about this prophecy?"
James also laughed, "What? I told you that I wanted to kill the spy!"
Lily now laughed, "Sometimes I want to kill him too! I just have enough sense to not actually do it where I had to literally drag you back."
James gave a warm smile, "Maybe we're both crazy. And maybe that's why we belong to each other Evans."
Lily smiled.
"Harry's sleeping, right?"
Lily nodded then they held hands and their cat jumped off of Lily's lap. Then they quietly went up into the bedroom.