Chapter Text
"Our deaths are proof of our love for each other.
Elen… will you understand once you've departed?"
A look to the sky, a flourish, thunderous applause, and curtain.
The second performance of Adler had gone magnificently. Louis knew that his performance, practically burnt into his muscles after the rehearsals he'd put himself and the club through, had enraptured the audience, and the other actors (even Kai, the clumsy water spirit) had done him well.
Louis turned on his heel to address his fellow actors, as a cheer went up in the audience: "Louis!"
"Everyone! I believe that I can truthfully say—"
"Louis!"
"—that that was the best performance this school has ever seen!"
"Louis!"
"We will be proudly remembered, as the finest actors of this—"
"Louis!"
"—club's history! And it's all thanks to you."
The heavy Adler mask weighed down on Louis' neck.
I'm hot. So hot. I need to cool down. I need to be alone.
"Louis!"
Why won't they stop?
Ellen approached Louis, her costume drawn up against the backstage draught.
"You were incredible, Louis! Every one of your motions was as swift and strong as the real Reaper's!"
An approving murmur went up in the gathered club.
"Almost like he became a cheetah for a moment!"
"He reminded me of Sylvester Stallion! So strong and manly!"
"Th-thanks—that means a lot." Louis choked out, under his mask.
So heavy. So hot. Strong. Swift.
The deer mumbled something indistinct even to himself, turned, and hurried into his office. Retrieving a key from under some papers and pulling off his mask, he opened his desk drawer and pulled out a bottle of whiskey: Redbreast 2008 . With practiced ease, he unscrewed the cap, took a glass, and filled it to the brim.
Splash, sip, sit back.
Silence.
After draining three more glasses, the thoughts that had been pressing down on the red deer's mind were swirling, distorted, and completely unattenuated.
Why did I look so strong? Is that how people see me? They chant my name and harass me for my autograph—but I should like that! I should be out there, revelling in the attention they're giving to Louis the Red Deer! But I hide in my office, drinking, like a weaker animal—then why did I feel like I had to?
Louis found his face on the desk, next to his fourth emptied glass.
What am I doing?
---
Sunlight streamed in through the open window of the drama club's office. Louis' face, illuminated in the golden rays and covered in dried, spilt whiskey, and the crust of tears, rested on his desk atop a pile of scripts.
A gentle knock at the door stirred the deer from his fitful sleep.
"W-who is it?" Louis croaked.
"Uh, me" came Bill's voice, from behind the frosted glass.
"I just came to check if you're okay for the awards ceremony in half an hour? I was— damn , you look rough."
"I do? The what? The… oh, Rex, I'd forgotten about that—how do I look?" replied Louis, in a voice like sandpaper.
"Uhhh…"
Louis walked, with some effort, to the mirror in the far corner of his office. He took off the sheet that usually lay draped over it, and looked at the stag who stood there—with crusted sleep around his eyes, the dishevelled remains of an Adler costume hanging off him, and an unmistakably exhausted expression, he made Louis step back in shock.
That's me?
"Uhh, Louis? Are you feeling okay?" Bill said, with a softness that clearly took effort.
"Yeah, I'm fine. I'm fine! Get out! I don't need you worrying about me! I'll clean myself up. I'm okay."
"Well, if you're sure…" replied the tiger, that same softness still in his voice. "I'll be backstage."
"I said out!"
The door closed, but Louis stayed still in front of the mirror.
That's me.
Why is that affecting me? Of course you look bad after a night spent with your head on a desk and four whiskeys inside you, idiot! Just wash your face and put on some clean clothes and you'll look fine.
The stag in the mirror stayed, with his eyes still staring into Louis'. His slender fingers curled themselves into a fist, he felt his body moving forwards, he made contact—then the mirror rocked on its hinges a little.
Strong, huh?
---
A minute at the basin and a change of clothes had disguised Louis' state. He looked clean, crisp, the very spit of the deer on the Adler posters who gazed down at him on the walk to the auditorium.
"And now, I present to you, the finest head actor Cherryton's drama club has ever seen! Under his strong leadership, the club put on the most masterful performance of Adler that has been staged for years. I am, therefore, honoured to present this award to Louis, the Red Deer!"
Louis stepped forward, gave a mechanical bow, and accepted the trophy.
"Co-existence and co-prosperity.
Those are the values we endeavoured to show in our performance.
I would like to thank everyone for coming to see us perform."
Three impersonal lines, delivered not by a character but by Louis himself, drained the cervid more than any performance. The audience clapped thunderously for him once again: he grimaced and bowed to them, glad that they at least weren't calling his name.
The rest of the ceremony passed indistinctly, as Louis stood to the side. At last, the old headmaster left, and he stepped gladly off the stage.
"Louis! Can I have your autograph?"
"It's the Reaper Stag!"
"We love you Louis!~"
The red deer closed his eyes, gritted his teeth and made a break for the door, narrowly avoiding countless collisions with his adoring fans. He narrowly avoided treading on a group of foolhardy female mice, skidded around the corner, and ran.
Panting from the exertion of having run up three flights of stairs, Louis fumbled for the handle on an old, rusted door, labelled in decorative handwriting as the gardening club. Cursing himself for not ducking as his antlers clattered on the doorway, he stepped inside.
"Oh! Hey Loulou!" came a familiar, calming voice from around the corner. A pair of white ears appeared in the bottom of his vision, attached to a rabbit holding flowers in one hand and fixing her disheveled silk scarf with the other, with a calm smile on her face.
"How's my favourite coat hanger doing?"
"...I'm doing alright. Better in the peace and quiet."
"Oh, yay! Come in, I've got some tea in the shed—the lemons came in last week, so there's lemon juice for it!"
His mouth watering and his breathing slowing down to its normal rate, Louis left another set of antler-marks in the top of the doorframe and sat down—right into the lap of a large grey wolf.
"Uhhh… I… Haru…" came the deep voice from behind Louis' head.
The rabbit could barely stifle her giggling as Louis got up from the enormous canine's lap, nearly tripped over his feet in his embarrassment, and managed to find the spot on the bed with the painful loose spring. With cherry-red cheeks, he shifted over, crossed his legs and tried to look dignified.
"Louis, this is Legosi, my… friend. Legosi, this is Louis. We've known each other for a couple of years now. I believe you kids would say 'he coo'?"
Legosi covered the lower half of his face as he forced out a serious tone of voice: "Louis! How nice to meet you here. Your last performance was incredible, so strong and swift even from up in the rafters."
It's hard to look red with a face covered in fur, but Louis managed it. "Thank you, Legosi. I must congratulate you on your lightwork; it was truly masterful. I didn't know a carnivore like you could move a light with such finesse. I trust that you'll be there for the next club meeting?", he said, stiffly.
"Certainly." Legosi replied, a smile beginning to crack through the corners of his lips. "But I can't stay, I've got a… uhh… a thing, with my roommates. Bye! See ya, Haru!"
Louis buried his face in his hands. "Oh dear… I've just ruined a date, haven't I?"
"Of course not, silly! Legosi really was just leaving, he just... expedited his exit after you sat in his lap" the rabbit giggled. "And it wasn't really a date . We're not quite sure what we are, yet."
"You're sure I didn't ruin anything?"
"Of course! Oh, the kettle's boiling. Cardamom or Earl Grey?" the rabbit asked. "Or I have Eaglish breakfast?", she added with a mischievous grin, watching Louis groan at the most uncouth choice of beverage.
"Cardamom, please."
Haru gave a chirp in the affirmative, and soon the shed was filled with the scent of fresh tea and lemon.
"So, moody antlers, how are you doing today? I thought you'd be off with your adoring masses by now." asked Haru, playfully.
Louis hesitated. Come on, you can tell her anything. She won't spill it to anyone. Nobody will ever find out.
"Well… I've sort of… I've felt like I…" the red deer trailed off, his eyes falling to the floor and his breath getting faster.
Haru's expression stayed bright. "You what, Louis?" she said, softly, taking his hand in both of hers. "It's okay; you don't have to tell me. I'm here for you no matter what."
"I… I don't like the attention I get from being an actor!" blurted Louis. His face turned red once again as he stared into his tea, his eyes nervously flitting up to Haru's smiling face.
"That's it? I thought this was going to be something much bigger!" giggled Haru.
Louis looked up to face Haru, and whispered, with a confused tilt of the head "You're–you're not surprised?"
"Well, you have been… a bit mopey, after every play. At first I'd chalked it up to the adrenaline crash after all that excitement, but after a while it seemed like something more. To me, at least."
"W-what do you mean?" said Louis, recoiling as if Haru were a hungry snake. "You don't mean… psychological problems? I'm not like that!"
"Whoa, Louis! I wasn't saying anything like that! Jeez, you jump to conclusions so much I sometimes think you're the rabbit here!" giggled Haru, as Louis' expression softened again. "But seriously, though: I don't think you're not normal for disliking the attention. I certainly can't imagine wanting all those eyes on me all the time."
Louis closed his eyes for a moment. "Perhaps you're right. I have to get used to it though, what with my… future career."
"Your dad's fancy-schmancy company doesn't need you yet, Louis," said Haru, taking Louis' hand in both of hers and stroking the back of it until he relaxed it and allowed colour to return to his knuckles. "But you need you, now and forever. Please consider yourself a little more."
"I… maybe. I'll try," replied Louis, warmly, as he looked up from the floor and into Haru's eyes.
"Promise?"
"Promise."
Haru smiled and reluctantly released Louis' hands from hers. "Would you help me with the tomatoes? It's hotter than the forecast said, and I think the ripe ones will turn in this heat."
Louis' face brightened at the prospect of more time with Haru. "I'd be honoured to assist you in your collectionnez du salad , madame ."
Haru rolled her eyes, finished the last of her tea, strode outside into the oppressive heat and humidity of the mid-afternoon sun—and gasped.
"Louis! My goodness, I didn't know you were going to shed early this year, I'd have stocked up on bandages! Are you okay?" she breathlessly exclaimed, hurrying into the shed and rifling through drawers for the club's first-aid kit.
"No, no, no, no, ah! Here it is!" said Haru, triumphantly holding up a green box with a rather decoratively-written "First Aid" on it. "Keep pressure on the wounds, and… Louis, are you feeling alright?"
My head feels so light! I can move it around and flick it and twitch my ears without them hitting against my antlers! I can walk through the door without ducking!
"Louis? Hello-o?" Haru said, melodically. You okay there?
"What? I'm fine! Totally fine."
"Except for the… uh… blood?"
Louis put a hand to his face, which came away soaked in blood. Eyes wide, he sat down rapidly, and with a face rapidly getting paler asked "C-could you… you know… please?"
Haru smiled. "Big tough CEO afraid of a little blood? Tsk tsk , that simply will not do!" she tutted, affecting an upper-class accent. "Of course. Hold still, this might—"
"AAAAH! What did you do ?" Louis screamed, scaring a flight of insects up off the tomato plants. "It burns !"
"It's just rubbing alcohol, silly! There, all better." said Haru, reassuringly, tying off a bandage. "Now, where are your prosthetics? I'll fetch them for you, if you'd like."
"Oh, no. Oh, no no no no no. They haven't arrived yet!" exclaimed Louis, slapping his forehead and immediately wincing in pain. "They're meant to come tomorrow, but what will I do until then? I can't let people see me like this!"
Haru's ears betrayed a curious tilt of the head. "Why not? Everyone knows stags shed their antlers. They wouldn't think anything of it, surely?"
"It's… not that simple. Without my antlers I look weak , and small , and… I just can't go out without them"
The rabbit narrowed her eyes. "Louis, two pointy bones on the top of your head don't define your personality. You're perfectly strong without them, even if you do look kind of like a—"
"A what, Haru?".
"Well…"
The rabbit fished a compact mirror out of her handbag, flicking it open in one deft movement and holding it up to the deer.
"O-oh. Oh. "
"What do you think?" asked Haru, her voice as chirpy as usual in spite of the existential crisis going on across the table.
Louis stared, mesmerised, at the doe in the mirror. Her face was a bit too angular, her neck too thick and she lacked the long, cervid eyelashes that made female deer excellent mascara models—but she was, for all the world, a wide-eyed doe.
"I'm…" the red deer whispered, mesmerised by his own reflection. Then, shaking his head and burying his face in his hands, he scrunched his eyes closed. "No! I am Louis the Red Deer, the head actor of the Drama Club and future CEO of the Horns Conglomerate! I do not look like… like that! This is just a minor imperfection that will resolve itself in due course!"
"Louis… you're not defined by those things! You're you ! You can feel however you want about shedding your antlers." replied Haru, in a softer voice than her volume would imply.
"I am! What more is an animal than the sum of their accomplishments? Their feelings? And how would I feel about losing my antlers except that it's normal and inconvenient! I'm sorry, Haru, but I don't hate attention and my antlers are fine!" Louis replied, raising his voice. "I'm sorry, but I have to go. I need to be alone."
"I… I'm sorry I made you uncomfortable, Louis. I should have known better." Haru's eyes fell to the floor. "Please don't go. I'll make you some more tea, and I promise never to bring that up again."
"No thank you. Goodbye, Haru. Thank you for dressing my injuries, and for the tea." said Louis, flatly.
Louis closed the door to the shed, leaving the remorseful rabbit alone. The afternoon sun cast long shadows across the garden as he walked to the end, and let the old metal door creak shut behind him.
I…
I looked...
almost…
pretty?
Pretty? I can't be pretty—I'm not pretty! I am a stag and a businessman and I cannot be pretty! I can't let anyone think I am!
Louis' thoughts clouded his mind as he made his way back to his room. The heavy scent of flowers in the autumn filled his head with fog, and two images dominated his mind: Haru's face as he closed the door of the shed and left her alone, and his own, wide-eyed, transfixed expression in the mirror.
Finally, Louis found himself in front of his door. Taking the key from his pocket, he opened the surprisingly-stiff lock, stepped in, and collapsed into his chair—or, rather, into a pile of clothes.
Wait, why am I in the dressing room?
Louis felt for the light, and confirmed his earlier observation. The place had been left in a mess after last night's performance, with costumes strewn across the floor and makeup left haphazardly at each mirror. Louis took a seat on one to rest his legs, sinking into the plush fabric.
Don't turn around.
Don't turn around.
The deer's eyes found themselves firmly pointed at the ceiling, in a desperate attempt not to look at the antlerless figure in the mirror. They flitted down, first for an instant, then for a second, and before Louis could stop himself he was staring, wide-eyed, at himself once again.
I don't look like a… a doe. I don't! I'm not a doe! I don't have the eyelashes, it's obvious! I'm a stag!
Louis' eyes fell onto a mascara bottle that had been left unused for the performance. He paused for a few seconds, then tentatively took it as if it were some biting insect.
You're fine. This is fine! This is normal, you're just curious.
The red deer's breathing calmed down as he took a few deep breaths. With practiced ease from doing his own makeup for performances ( that peacock always had such a heavy hand; he'd be more at home in a clown school ), Louis deftly unscrewed the lid and brush.
I'm a stag. It's obvious; nobody would think anything else. I still have the bandages on my head from shedding my antlers, of course I look like a stag! It's just curiosity, that's all.
Louis held his left hand with his right, to keep it from shaking as he held the brush. Keeping his eyes on the mirror, he breathed out slowly, waited for his hand to steady, then swiped the brush slowly up his eyelashes. With another deep breath he applied the mascara to another few eyelashes, and before long both of his eyes were made up: imperfectly and hastily, but made up nonetheless.
Before his eyes could focus on his whole face again, the red deer quickly flicked them shut.
I'll look even more… like that.
But this is just curiosity, right?
Yeah. Just curiosity.
Louis took another deep breath, and prepared to open his eyes.
Three, two, one.