Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

It was late, very late… At hours like these, one would doubt even the biggest of night owls would dare to be awake, preferring to finally rest in peace upon their beds… Ah yes, warm, comfy beds, one of which I rested upon so dreamily…

… That very same bed that I was being forced to leave, due to the violent guitar-shredding right outside the dorm. I didn’t even need to look outside to know who would do such a thing at this ungodly hour.

I carefully scooted around an unconscious Grim, (almost falling out of bed in my attempt to do so,) and grabbed the closest robe, fumbling with it’s cord, soon exiting out into the hallway. The moment I peered out the window, I saw none other than Vanrouge himself, jamming away with nothing more than an amp and fancy suit for his company… Though, the moment he saw me watching, he gave a sweet smile, as if no crimes were being committed.

“Ugh…” I opened the latch, pushing the large window open. “(LILIA! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!)” Another (admittedly) sick rift pierced the air, his fingers moving like lightning against the fretboard, before he finally paused.

“Why, is it not obvious? I’m attempting to serenade you, as one does.” With that, he continued playing. … It sounded even louder now… While I knew the other dorms wouldn’t hear him, surely Sam or the Professors would come to investigate soon enough…

“(PLEASE stop playing Lilia, it’s…)” I quickly checked the clock in the hall. “(... FOUR IN THE MORNING?! WHY AREN’T YOU IN BED?!?!)” This time, he didn’t bother stopping, eyes fluttering closed as he hit a sharp chord.

“Because I missed yoooou~” … Oh god… No…

“(Lilia, don’t you DARE continue this conversation in song!)” He fumed, purposefully hitting a flat note to voice his displeasure. “(PLEASE, I’ll listen to you play all you like tomorrow, just COME INSIDE…)” Finally, he stopped playing again.

“Oh? So you’re inviting me in, yes? Does this mean I’ve properly serenaded you?” Really, it was the opposite, but whatever worked.

“(YES, YES! NOW HURRY UP!)” Even from here, I could see the way his face lit up in delight, ruby-red eyes glimmering in the moonlight.

“Wonderful! (Seems this old man still has some charm, after all~) … Now, I shall join you in just a moment, [Name]! After all, I saved one last song especially for this moment!”

“(Oh no no NO!!!)” I didn’t even bother to close the window, darting down the stairs. The shrill scream of strings picked up once more, this time, accompanied by a surprisingly hoarse voice that SOMEHOW managed to boom above everything else tonight. The lyrics… They were a strange mix between “somewhat concerning and confusing,” to “overly sickly sweet,” and… Well, it was lowkey a bop, but a bop that would get us both in trouble, damnit!

The moment I burst out the door, he smiled, and had it not been four in the morning, I would’ve felt bad about unplugging the amp and dragging him inside.

“Ah, my song!!! … My, oh my… It seems it was far too effective in gaining your affections! Look at you, manhandling me so roughly! Why, my delicate little bones will break at this rate!” Rolling my eyes, I released his arm, tucking his amp away in the corner of the hall.

“Yeah, yeah, sure, you’re a frail little thing, now go home!!! Even if we don’t have classes tomorrow, I’m sure Diasomnia would be worried sick to find you missing in the morning…” Instead, he took a seat on a nearby chair, hands neatly folded in his lap.

“Oh? You’d kick me out? Your precious little bat out? Out in the cold, dark night, where cruel monsters who’ll make me run countless laps lie? Oh, human… I’m hurt, wounded, facing a horrific pain and agony the likes of which you could not conceive!” … He said it with a wide smile…

“... Okay, fine, you can stay, now find some pajamas and go to s-”

“Sleep? Why, it’s so early for such a thing, is it not?” He brushed past, hopping onto the lounge sofa, but not before grabbing a controller from the gaming system I recently acquired. “The night is still young, [Name], and so are we! So, should we not spend the evening as youths do, and play until the sun reaches the sky to greet us? Besides… I've been practicing quite often on DJ Supreme lately… Whether it be tonight, or another night, I WILL claim the title of Ramshackle’s Best Rhythm Master, so why not defend your title? … Unless you’re afraid of losing, that is…”

… I just wanted to sleep… But this man had the AUDACITY to threaten my throne, in MY DORM…

“... I’m gonna fucking demolish you, Lilia.” He smirked, tossing me another controller.

“We shall see about that, human… Oh and silly me, I realized I do not have proper gaming attire of my own! This suit is quite restrictive, you see… You won’t mind if I borrow one of your shirts, yes?”

“... Well, no, I don’t mind… But…” I paused, making sure my controller was properly plugged in. “... Why not just take off your jacket and roll up your shirt sleeves? Isn’t that way less work?”

“Perhaps.” He plugged his own controller in. “But your shirts are quite comfy! I’ve even looked into the same brands myself, yet… Nothing I buy for myself seems to compare!” It was such an innocent statement, and he didn’t even try to make it so. It was clearly the truth, and nothing but it… “Besides… It’ll be amusing, knowing that every time you’ll see that shirt, you’ll be reminded of the cruel defeat you’ve faced at my hands… Huhu~”

“You’re banned from wearing my clothing ever again.”

“Wha-why, you’re no fun at all, [Name]!”

Despite that, we both laughed… Until the game fully loaded up. Then we both just glared at each other as we waited for the game to load.

(For the record, I was still Ramshackle’s Best Rhythm Master, no matter how difficult keeping such a coveted title was getting to be.)

Chapter Text

“Alright… Eggplant… Squash… Now the zucchini…” I felt around the counter, trying to find the bowl I’d set aside.

“Ah, I believe this shall work as well!” I took the bowl passed over to me.

“Thank you.” I then dumped the entire bowl of oysters into the baking pa-...

“... LILIA?!”

“That is my name, yes!” He wore an apron reading “Cooking Daddy,” accompanied by a chef’s hat as he continued to dice strange mushrooms on the other kitchen counter. “... Ah, do hurry to place that in the oven! If we dilly-dally much longer, we’ll be feasting late tonight!”

“I… When did you get here?! And how long have you been cooking?!?!” The microwave went off at the very moment, the fae not wasting a moment to pull out the now-melted butter.

“Oh, I’ve only been here about an hour or so! While I’d only planned to join for dinner… Ah, I couldn’t help myself! Being in the kitchen’s quite enjoyable, you know! Especially with those you love! … Oh, that steak looks terribly under-seasoned, human! Surely you can add more paprika than that!” The moment he even took a step forward, I jumped before the steak, blocking it from his reach.

“NO! NO! IT’S FINE! … Grim has, uh… Sensitive taste buds! Yeah! Too much seasoning’s bad for him!” I knew that if the cat wasn’t passed out in front of the fireplace, he would’ve hissed, upset at being made into looking “weak…” But he would’ve understood, knowing Lilia was here.

“... Is that so…” Said man sighed. “Well, I suppose there’s no helping it… Then I shall just focus on assisting with your ratatouille!” He reached within a paper bag I’d never even noticed, pulling out a fillet of fish. “I had been watching quite the interesting video the other day, human! They made a dish called ‘Sea Bream Carpaccio!’ Now, I know that’s not what we’re supposed to make, but~... Don’t you think it’d be delicious, combining them both?”

More and more packets of fish came out, accompanied by bundles of shallots and cilantro, and even kiwis...

“... Oh, but the market had no sea bream at the market, so I bought trout instead. And the recipe felt rather bare for a whole meal, so I also bought some mushrooms, herbs, and kiwis! A splash of color on the dish is sure to make it stand out, yes?” There was a tired meow from the Lounge. Grim glanced over, roused by the smell of fish, but the moment he saw Lilia, he was GONE.

… Even my best friend was going to leave me to suffer alone…

“... Lilia…” His feelings? Or my health? “... You’re a guest here! You shouldn’t be cooking! In fact, how about you cook your ‘Sea Bream Carpaccio’ for the others at Diasomnia? As a surprise of sorts?!” … They were used to his cooking. They could live with this fate.

“I would, but…” He scoffed, angrily chopping the shallots and cilantro. “You wouldn’t BELIEVE what they said to me! ‘Vanrouge, if I have to eat even one more of your creations today, then I’ll transfer to another dorm to continue my duties there!’ ‘Father, please! I feel like I’ll die if I have to eat another bite of your cooking!’ ‘Lilia, I will burn this kitchen to the ground if you do not let us order take-out!!!’ How ungrateful can children be?!” The knife was slammed down, the fae gathering the expertly-diced herbs into his palm to drop in a bowl. “Well, they’ll learn very quickly how lucky they are to have such a caring father cook for them! I told them right to their faces, ‘if my cooking is so unpleasant to you, then YOU THREE can handle dinner for the next week, while I’LL enjoy dinners with someone who appreciates me!’”

… I had a feeling that his words really had the opposite effect he intended for both parties…

“... So that’s why I’m here now! With someone who DOES appreciate my cooking~”

… I couldn’t stop him now… I forced a smile.

“Y-yeah…! After all, you have such… Unique and interesting ideas, and all! It’s… Hard, to not be impressed!” He practically beamed like the sun, placing the trout fillets on a pan to coat them with a layer of butter.

“Such praise, [Name]! It makes me want to start dessert, too! Huhu~”

… Hopefully I wouldn’t end up in the nurse’s office after dinner...

Chapter Text

“... Okay… Wallet, check, shoes I won’t regret later in the evening, check…” I did a once over, hoping I wasn’t forgetting anything. “... That should be good!”

“Ya finally done?! I’m starving over here, you know?!” Grim glared from behind the lounge mirror, dramatically flopping to his side.

“Didn’t SOMEONE get an extra snack today?”

“... No.” Oh, Grim… “... Anyway, HURRY UP!!! Nyehehe~ My mouth’s watering, just thinking about all the yummy steak and tuna I’m gonna get at that fancy place~ All on that weirdo’s dime-”

“*Ding, dong~*” Immediately, his face fell flat.

“What the?! WHO’S SHOWING UP NOW?!?!” Rushing to the door, it was opened, revealing none other than Ace and Deuce.

“You two!!! Thank you SO MUCH for coming on such short notice!”

“Ah, it’s no problem, Mx. [Name]~ After all, we both know just HOW MUCH I love Grim, right?” The cat cowered, picking up the clear malice within the boy’s words.

“Yeah. you’ve helped us a lot, Mx. [Last Name], so it’s only fair for us to help once in a while too.”

“Aw~ See! THIS is why they’re my favorite kids, GRIM.” The cat merely rolled his eyes.

“Yeah, yeah, whatever… NOW WHY ARE YOU CHUMPS HERE?! Don’t you know that [Name] and I have a dinner to attend to?!”

It went dead silent.

“... Hey, are you guys ignoring me-”

“Well then!” I clapped my hands together. “I should be back sometime around midnight, but I’ll call if plans change! You’re both welcome to stay the night, and there’s a pot roast for you three to split in the fridge, along with a pie! SHARE.”

“(Ugh, figures.)” Giving myself one final patdown, I bolted for the door.

“HAVE FUN BOYS!”

“NYEGH?! WAIT FOR ME-OOMF!!!” Grim didn’t get far, before he was snatched up by Deuce. “MY STEAK! MY TUNA!! [NAME]!!!”

I ignored the rest of his cries, running towards the campus entrance, knowing my date was already awaiting me…

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I stood to the side a stone’s throw away from the school’s gates, phone out as I mindlessly scrolled through MagiCam. I smiled, finding he’d sent another cute bat meme captioned “us, : )” and was moments away from replying when one of the creatures itself flew into my vision, landing gently upon my phone.

“Now, now! It’s rude to touch someone’s belongings without their permission! Carry on, little one!” A hand shooed it away, and it didn’t take much to know it’s owner, finding ruby-red eyes gleaming up towards me in amusement.

“Lilia! I’m a bit surprised that you’re actually a little late, today!” He was clearly mournful at that, taking my hand in his with a truly pitiful expression.

“Oh, I am all too aware of that! Alas, there were some problems within our dorm, so as Vice House Leader, I was forced to attend to them…” He gave my hand a light squeeze, beginning to guide me along, towards where our carriage awaited. (Sure, we could’ve gotten a taxi that was a car… But we both agreed that a carriage felt FAR more romantic.) “However! I have ensured that no more interruptions shall plague us, so we shall be free to enjoy the night as we see fit-”

“VAAAAAANROUGE!!!!!!” The scream was deafening. Before I could think, I slammed my palms against my ears, Lilia quickly beginning to guide me away by the arm.

“(Hurry, before he finds us! Whatever’s going on at the dorm, Malleus should be able to handle it instead!)” Really, he didn’t seem concerned about it, more exasperated than anything. “(Hah… Times like these truly remind one that a parent’s work is never done…)”

We were only steps away from speed-walking, when we heard it. Footsteps, coming closer… And when I made the mistake of turning back, I found not one, but TWO pairs of eyes looking our way. Chrome eyes sharpened in anger once they landed on me… No… Lilia, as they bolted towards us.

“FATHER!!!!!!” A chill ran through me, hearing Silver sound downright FURIOUS.

“(Lilia!!! What the hell did you do?!)?” Tiny hands began to shove me into the carriage, the horses beginning to murmur over the oncoming aggressors.

“(I’ve done NOTHING as of late! Perhaps it’s teenage hormones…?) ... NOW HURRY BEFORE WE’RE LATE FOR DINNER-GWUAH!!!” He was snatched off the carriage ladder, before politely being placed down… However, Silver blocked the entrance, leaving me awkwardly alone inside as the two boys glowered down upon him.

“And just where do you think YOU’RE going, VANROUGE?!?!” Lilia glared back, yet neither of them budged.

“As I told you both earlier, I’M going out to dinner! Now, would you please step aside, son? You both have already made my precious one wait QUITE enough-” He tried to duck past, yet Silver blocked him. “... Silver…”

No response. I couldn’t see his expression, but I could FEEL the fury radiating off him.

“... My word… I suppose I have no choice but to-HYAH!” A flash of magic, and suddenly, where Lilia once stood, a flurry of bats completely replaced him, reducing the surrounding area into nothing but a pitch-black storm...

And within seconds, Silver snatched a single bat from the hoard with terrifying speed.

“GYAH!”

“You can’t escape, father. We won’t let you.” The lone bat struggled to escape his grip, yet Silver held him firmly, Sebek stomping next to the two with hatred within his gaze, glaring down at the poor, cute, confused bat…

… My evening… It was in danger. I HAD to do something…

“U-uh…” I took a deep breath. “Whatever you two have against Lilia uh… Could it wait until tomorrow, perhaps?”

…. They completely ignored me… Pain……

“Now Vanrouge! We will only ask this once!!!”

“ASK WHAT, ONCE?!” From a bag slung over his shoulders, a single ziploc bag was snatched out, containing… Something.

“WHAT IS THIS, VANROUGE?!?!?!” (I didn’t know, THAT much was for sure.)

“That???” He squinted. “... THAT’S JUST THE CASSEROLE I MADE YOU BOYS FOR DINNER!!!”

“Correct. It is a piece of the casserole you left behind for us… WHILE YOU RAN OFF TO EAT SOMETHING EDIBLE!!!” (That looked more like a brick than a casserole…)

“Are we some kind of joke to you, father?!” Lilia struggled further against his grasp, yet as adorable as he was… He was kind of powerless as a bat.

“Of… Course you aren’t! But if you two…" He continued to squirm, to no avail. "... Don’t let me go… RIGHT NOW, there WILL be severe… CONSEQUENCES-MMPH!!!” A single finger muffled him, Sebek looking FAR too smug.

“OHO, VANROUGE! YOU SEEM TO BE UNDER THE IMPRESSION THAT WE’RE THE POWERLESS ONES HERE~!!! ...NOW, SILVER!!!” The ziploc bag was tossed aside, Sebek whipping out a… No… “PUT HIM IN BEFORE HE ESCAPES!!!”

"GOT IT!”

‘DON’T YOU DA-AAAAAAA-” He was practically slam-dunked into the small container, the lid firmly shut behind him. (Yes, there were holes on the lid, but the disrespect… “SEBEK ZIGVOLT! SILVER! LET ME OUT OF THIS CONTAINER RIGHT NOW OR I’LL-”

“You’ll WHAT, old man?! You can’t hurt me, not after last week’s corn chowder!”

“HE’S RIGHT!” The two began walking away. “NOW UNTIL WE SAY SO, YOU’RE GROUNDED, VANROUGE-”

“ALRIGHT, THAT’S ENOUGH!!!” The two boys froze, Sebek struggling not to turn back to face me, instead, leaning towards his cohort.

“(SILVER...! HOW COULD YOU FORGET TO TELL ME THEY WERE STILL HERE?!)”

“(... Someone else was here…?)” Had they not literally stuffed my date into old tupperware, that would’ve been adorable. However, I didn’t waste another moment more, hopping off the carriage towards the two boys.

“... GOOD EVENING [LAST NAME]! DO WE KNOW YOU?” I could see him mentally face-palm.

“... Wait, are you going to dinner with dad…?”

“I am.” As I stormed closer, Sebek clutched the tupperware tighter to his chest, yet I still managed to snatch it from his grasp.

“H-HEY!!!” The moment I popped the lid, Lilia flew out, his tiny little bat hands clutching tightly onto my shirt. “(Are you alright, Lilia?)”

“(Oho~ More than alright now, my dear~!)” He crawled into the front pocket, perfectly comfy and snug. “(How could I not be, after such a valiant rescue?)”

“(Good!)” I took a single breath, before glaring back at the two boys. “Now, if YOU TWO don’t mind… WE have a date we’re already late to!”

"Wait..."

"Did you just say..." I covered my ears again, having an idea of where this was going.

“”... A DATE?!?!?!”” Lilia sighing in exasperation, turning up to look at me.

“(Unless you’d rather spend the evening explaining things, we really should retreat to the carriage now.)”

… A part of me felt bad, leaving the two horrified boys alone… But luckily, I had an adorable bat to spoil with attention to distract me!

Chapter Text

He was an anomaly, that much was for sure.

“My apologies, for you to see me in such a state…” Even Lilia… Well, ‘my’ Lilia was frustrated, almost embarrassed by him. “I have been inquiring to the Headmaster about his-... Well, ‘my’ arrival from the mirror, but until then, would you tolerate me? Oh, and if he gives you ANY trouble at all, inform me IMMEDIATELY! I may be up there in years, but I’ll put my whole back into whipping him into shape if he tries anything ridiculous!”

Luckily for Lilia… Nothing ridiculous has happened so far… Really, nothing at all had happened at all. I’d hardly even seen ‘him’ the entire week he’d arrived in NRC. The one time I did was when I walked into the kitchen for a midnight snack, only to see him seconds away from ripping the head off a charred rat. The way his eyes pierced through the dark, like some feral beast… Needless to say, I wasn’t feeling very hungry after that.

Either way, you can get the awkward vibe at Ramshackle right now. Originally, he was staying at Diasomnia, but he got so annoyed by all the students, that he decided to camp in the woods instead. But THEN, after rumors of a terrifying cryptid that began sparking up from the outdoor clubs, alongside the concerning increase of animal bones, he was forcibly assigned (against OUR wills,) to Ramshackle by the Headmaster.

The only reason he stopped trying to escape to the woods again was because of Malleus’ orders… I was grateful, but it REALLY wasn’t making this whole arrangement any better… Even Grim had ditched for the next week, overwhelmed with stress from the occasional nights of Stress-Cut Firewood Sessions outside as we all struggled to adapt to this situation…

Which is what made his sudden appearance in the Guest Room so surprising. I’d almost missed him entirely. I’d just been passing by when I’d noticed the lights were off, and he was hidden under a table, only the dim light of his eyes visible.

“Vanrouge…?” I’d long-since stopped calling him by his first name. He wasn’t ‘Lilia’ to me, and he seemed more comfortable with the distance.

“... Leave.” I actually began to, but stopped.

“Wait…” I spun back around, and switched on the lights. He hissed at the sudden burst of light, and covered his eyes. “This is MY DORM! Why are YOU bossing me…” He clutched at his stomach, and it was now that I approached that I noticed how much paler than usual he looked. “... Wait, are you alright-”

“I TOLD YOU TO GET OUT.” It was strange, hearing such malice from a voice I’d only heard with joy, but I ignored my fears and persisted. I made sure to keep my distance, kneeling down a few feet before him, and squinted. He glared back, but much to my surprise, didn’t bother running, as he’d constantly done days before… “... Well?! What do you want?!”

“I want you to tell me what’s wrong.”

“Nothing’s wrong!” It was at that moment that a growl to rival Sebek’s own stomach tore through the room.

“... So you’re hungry.”

“... Tch.” He rolled over, back facing me. “Lord Malleus has forbidden me from the forest, and the rats have gotten smarter.” Oh that must’ve hurt his pride SO BAD…

“I’m sorry to hear that, but… Did you try the school cafeteria? I could show you-”

“I refuse.”

“... Do you mind me asking why…?” I waited, but eventually, realized he was just ignoring me. As much as I wanted to, I couldn’t just… Leave him like this. Jerk or not, he was still someone I cared about. “... Alright, behave.”

He still ignored me as I left the Guest Room. I just did my best not to take it personally, and stepped into the kitchen.

Unfortunately, between all the mess, I hadn’t really gotten the time to go on a grocery run, but I still had enough to make an okay meal… Well, an okay Hamburger Assistant meal, but it was something, and hey, I was hungry too, so it was good enough! Luckily, I’d taken out some meat to thaw for tonight, so it didn’t take long at all before I had it sizzling on the pan, with the pasta boiling besides it.

“... What is that-”

“GYAH…!” We both jumped. Once the shock wore off, he shot another, even nastier glare at me. “Hey! Don’t you get mad at me! Do you realize how quiet you are…?!”

“... Fair enough, I suppose…” He still remained at the doorway, but eye’d the pan in intrigue. “... Where did you find that meat?”

“Oh, it was in the fridge!” I gestured to it with my spatula, but he grew stiff. “... If you want me to pick up more, I could maybe get a cooler or something for you to keep it in…”

“... If you insist.” He relaxed just the slightest, and leaned against the doorframe. “... So? Of what animal is it?”

“Just good ol’ beef. Not much of a rat person myself.” He huffed.

“You say that as if there’s something wrong with that.”

“... Well…” I slid on my oven mitts, ready to drain the pasta. “I just can’t imagine it myself, but I’m also not about to judge you for it. Every place has its share of weird food choices that’s normal to them.” I added the pasta to the meat, and stirred the sauce into it. “I mean, I know back in my world, there’s some people who just put mayo in like. EVERYTHING…”

“... ‘Your’ world?” I stopped mixing for just a second too long.

“... Don’t worry about it.” Wanting to change the topic, I grabbed a plate, and put a generous portion of food onto it. “Anyway, eat up. If you get hungry again, just tell me. Getting duped by rats is embarrassing enough, but dying because of a rodent-bruised ego and stubbornness is worse.”

“... Tch.” I expected him to leave, but instead, he stepped inside and took the seat closest to the exit. “Very well.”

“Thank you.” He raised a brow, but didn’t question it once the food was in front of him. The second I passed him a fork, he gripped it with enough force to bend it beneath his grip, and shot a questioning glare at me. “... I know I’m human, but you’re fae. Your nose is way better than mine. If I poisoned it, you’d probably be able to smell it, right?” I still grabbed my own bowl, taking a seat a few spaces apart, and took a bite. He still waited a while, making sure I didn’t keel over dead, before taking his first bite.

“... Mm…?!” For the first time since I’d met him, his eyes sparkled in delight, and a hint of color flashed on his cheeks… Of course, just as quickly, it was gone, and he cleared his throat in shame. “... Thank you.”

“No problem.”

We ate the rest of our meal in silence, though I couldn’t help but feel proud… It felt for the first time since his arrival, we were finally making some progress here.

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The table was quiet again, but unlike before, it was a comfortable quiet. I worked on my homework between spoonfuls of rice, while he pretended not to watch from the corner of his eye.

“... Tell me.” I didn’t look up, but I nodded in acknowledgement. “Do you truly believe I am related to that fool who parades around my name?”

“One-hundred percent.” He almost choked on his rice.

“... You jest, right? It’s clear to anyone that we are polar opposites…!”

“I mean, yeah, but appearances aside, people change, you know? If you’re the Lilia Vanrouge of the past, wouldn’t it make sense for you to change in some ways when you grow old? Even if you retained this personality, something else would have changed.” He huffed, griping his spoon a little tighter.

“... I understand that, yes, but… Looking at him, it just…” I heard a tiny ‘snap’ within his palm. “It pisses me off!!! There’s no way I could ever be someone like him!!!”

“... Vanrouge.” I pointed to his hand. He looked down, now noticing the small, yet steady trail of blood that began leaking onto the table. His eyes constricted for just a moment, but he shook it off, reaching for a napkin.

“... My apologies. I shall be sure to carve you a new spoon in the morning.”

“Don’t worry about it, just get your cut patched up. There should be some medicinal herbs in the bathroom.” He quickly made for the door, his eyes avoiding everything but his hand, “... Hey.”

He turned back, almost too fast.

“... If it makes you feel better, I think he’s more annoyed by you than he’s letting on too… In that case, I guess you guys do have a lot more in common than you think.”

“... Hmph.”

I didn’t see him for the rest of the night. I didn’t seek him out either, feeling that he wasn’t exactly eager for visitors at the moment…

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“You know, you’re allowed to have a room of your own here. You don’t have to camp outside the whole time.” He didn’t look up from the spoon he was indeed carving.

“... You’re not worried?”

“I mean, I am, because if you somehow didn't notice the storm clouds in the distance, it’s gonna be miserable out here.”

“I’ve experienced worse.” You know? He was rapidly becoming a new contender for the “Most Stubborn Student” award.

“... Haah… Alright!” I took a seat across from him. Only now did he look up from his work with a questioning stare. “Guess it’s gonna be a miserable night for the both of us.”

“... I’ll repeat my question.” He began carving again, slower, with a delicacy that felt frightening. “You’re not worried, human?”

“... Why would I be?” The knife was stabbed into a nearby hunk of wood, echoing louder than the distant thunder.

“... I’m a fae, a vampiric one, at that. Have you never once considered that the second you allow me within the halls of your dwelling, that I would attack?”

“... I mean, yeah.” He rolled his eyes. “I’d be kind of an idiot not to, but like. Honestly, I feel like killing me would just be more trouble to you than it’s worth. Like, you’d have to explain it to Malleus, and then yourself, and the Headmaster, then-”

“Who said I would kill you?” A wicked grin, one that put a treacherous Cheshire to shame. “All it would take is one, little bite… Then I could drink of your rich blood, right to the point of unconsciousness… And then of course, leave you with just enough to survive, just to be a personal blood bank to me… Have you ever thought of that, human~?”

“... Ah…” I tugged on my collar. “Is there an option to skip this question…?” He stared. “... Anyway, how’s the spoon going-”

“Do you… Actually relish the thought???”

“NO.” … Yeah, I didn’t believe that either. “... ANYWAY… I’m gonna go make us some snacks so… Yeah. Feel free to come inside. Bye…!”

I almost tripped on my way back to Ramshackle… But honestly, I would’ve appreciated an accidental death right now…

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“Good evening, [Name]!”

“WAH…!!!” Sparkling ruby eyes twinkled in mirth above me, and an annoyed pair of blue ones stared in dismay into my soul. “... LILIA…!”

“Ah, apologies, apologies! I just couldn’t resist teasing a bit-”

“PUT ME DOWN!!!” Grim started smacking his hands, only amusing Lilia further. However, he reletented, and passed the cat back to me. Grim immediately latched around my shoulders, glaring daggers at him.

“Henchman, I’m NEVER lettin’ this guy watch me EVER. AGAIN.”

“Aww, don’t be like that, Grim…!” Lilia gave him a light pat, and though he growled, he began kneading biscuits into my shirt. “You did have fun at least, right?”

“... Yeah, I guess…” Now he started purring. “We went fishin’ with everyone! We caught SOOOO many fish!!! I already miss all the salmon… Nyah~ It was like a dream come true!!!”

“That’s great, Grim~!!”

“Yeah, yeah!! But I’m SUPER tired now… TAKE ME TO BED!”

“Alright, I will~ … Ah, would you give me a moment, Lilia?” He nodded. I gave him my most grateful smile as I quickly ascended the stairs to our room, tucking the little cat in. He caught my sleeve before I could leave, and lazily opened an eye.

“... You guys aren’t gonna ditch me for food or anything, are ya?” I scratched behind his ear, his eyes losing the battle and falling shut.

“Maybe his own cooking.”

“... Ech…” He rolled onto his side, and within a few moments, his quiet, peaceful snoring filled the room. Taking care to avoid creaking the floorboards, I stepped out of the room and shut the door, finding Lilia right outside with a suspiciously cheeky smirk.

“... Alright. What is it?”

“Oh, nothing much…~” We both descended the stairs, lingering a little closer together than necessary. “I was just wondering if you would join me for a night in town! Perhaps even a little trip to that karaoke bar we’ve heard so much about~?”

“I don’t know, Lilia… You get a little TOO crazy with the mic after a few drinks, you know!”

“Please, you know very well, I give my BEST performances after a few Bloody Mary’s-” A pair of eyes flashed behind him.

“GYAH…!!!” He spun around, huffing once he noticed the intruder.

“Ah… I’d forgotten about you. If you leave now, perhaps I’ll be able to forget, once more!”

“Quiet, you.”

“I will, once you learn to respect your elders.” The tension was so thick, I was beginning to wonder if his cleaver would even be able to dent it…

“... Why is he here?” Vanrouge’s head jerked towards me. I felt like a deer in headlights within his gaze, but Lilia stepped in front of me with a firm frown.

“That is none of your concern now, is it?” Vanrouge stepped forward, the full fury of his scowl now evident in the dim moonlight.

“I heard the scream. Be grateful I did not strike you down upon your arrival.”

“... Haah…” Lilia took my hand, and gently pulled me forward. “I truly apologize for how insufferable I am… I’ll have to give the Headmaster a piece of my mind, tomorrow! To think it’s been months, now…!” We didn’t even make it a step before my other hand was snatched by one cold as ice.

“Don’t you DARE ignore me…!” I froze. I’d never even been a foot close to him, much less touched by him. Had it not been for his sharpened fangs being mere inches away from me, his touch would’ve felt fake. “And don’t YOU abandon me for him, either…!”

“A-ah…” I looked into his eyes, and for the first time since I’d met him, I was… Terrified…. But looking past the hatred within, I caught a glimpse of… Betrayal? “... Okay, wait-”

“Don’t you DARE handle them so roughly…!” Lilia smacked his hand away, stepping between us once more. “What are you, a petulant child?!”

“Don’t you DARE call me a child…!”

“Then start acting like a grown man!”

“Guys-”

“Are you joking?! Have you looked in a mirror?! If anyone’s the mature one, it’s ME. Have you seen the way you conduct yourself?! It’s a mockery to the Land of Briar!”

“Well, if I recall right, only one of us has been chastised constantly by Lord Malleus-”

“BOTH OF YOU, CUT IT OUT!!!” Suddenly, all the bite vanished from both Lilias, and they looked at me in shock. “... You’re BOTH acting like spoiled brats right now! I mean, SERIOUSLY! You’re so focused on your little hissy fit that you aren’t even bothering to listen to MY feelings!”

“... Ah…”

“... Hmph.” Both cast their gazes down.

“... You guys talk over this, and figure out… WHATEVER this is, I’M going to bed!” Much to my relief, they both stayed quiet as I ascended the stairs. Honestly, I didn’t want to go to bed yet, but right now, I think the events of tonight would just put a damper on whatever power ballad I chose…

---

“... Tch…” Vanrouge crossed his arms, nails piercing deep into his skin. “Go to hell.”

“Oh, please. As if I could take that honor from you.” Neither’s glare relentented, and the rest of the night was spent in awkward silence with nothing solved.

-----------

“... You’re bleeding.” My face immediately grew hot, especially once I felt both his and Grim’s eyes on me.

“No I’m not…!” He inspected my body, frowning at the lack of cuts, and sniffed the air again.

“HENCHMAN…!” Now Grim was crawling onto the dinner table, making a beeline straight for me. “WHEN’D YOU GET HURT?!”

“I’m not hurt, I SWEAR, Grim…!” He smacked all over my arms, looking for a reaction, only doubling down when I never winced in pain.

“WHERE IS IT?!”

“I-IT’S NOT MINE!!!” Finally, he stopped. “I stopped by the Science Club earlier, they were using some kinda blood for an experiment…!”

“... Oh~!” Finally, Grim turned away, and returned to his seat. “Why didn't you just SAY so, [Name]~!” Just like that, all his worries melted away, and he went back to shoveling risotto into his mouth…

“... Hmph.” Vanrouge, on the other hand, still refused to take a single bite, refusing to tear his gaze away from me.

“Haha… Yeah, I’m sorry, Grim…” I tried ignoring him, returning to my own meal.

---

“Where is it?” Unfortunately, I hoped he was willing to drop it, but the second Grim was tucked in, the basket of bandages and medicinal herbs was placed on the table.

“... Dude, I’m being serious… I’m not hurt.” He crossed his arms again. It really felt like he was doing that a lot…

“It’s thick in the air… Even this morning, I caught faint traces of it.” With a gentle touch, he grabbed my arm, sniffing it in search of the scent. “Bravery and ego means nothing if you die because of them.”

“... Okay, fine!” I resisted the urge to pull out my phone and look for local funeral services. I would just have to hope someone came in clutch and cremated me or something. “... It’s… Y’know…” I made senseless gestures with my hands.

“... It’s what?” Oh, Seven smite me now.

“Dude. It’s my period.”

“... Ah.” He relaxed, at least. “... IDIOT!!! JUST SAY THAT, THEN!”

“EXCUSE ME…?!” He grabbed the basket, and shoved it back into its spot.

“Do you know how much time we would have saved if you just told the truth?!”

“YEAH?? AND DO YOU KNOW HOW MORTIFYING IT WOULD HAVE BEEN TO JUST TELL EVERYONE AT DINNER THAT I’M MOTHER NATURE’S NEXT MURDER VICTIM???”

“I WAS-... Tch…!” He bit down whatever else he was going to say, and grabbed his camping gear from the corner of the room. “I’ll be outside tonight.”

“Dude, it’s RAINING.”

“You won’t change my mind!”

“Seriously, let’s just-” He slammed the door shut behind him.

---

“... Why are you here?” The rain had slowed to a light shower, so I took the opportunity to pitch my own tent a good distance away from his.

“I was worried about you, idiot.” Was it dumb to come out in nothing but a tank top and shorts in bad weather? Yes. Was it dumber to attempt to sleep in that sort of weather when I had a room? Yes, but that was tomorrow's problem for me.

“... Ugh…” He pinched the bridge of his nose. “I’d prefer you to go back inside…”

“Is my company really THAT awful to you?” Once my messily-pitched abode was ready, I sat on the grass, looking over to him. Despite his eyes being the exact same as Lilia’s, it was like looking at a completely different man… He snuck a glance over, his pupils dilating into thin, almost invisible lines, before looking away.

“... What if I… Offer a proposition.”

“What could you possibly have that I want?” I fiddled with the hem of my sleeve, feeling my skin grow hot again.

“... Blood…” He pinched his nose tighter.

“Don’t say such ridiculous things.”

“I-I’m being serious…!” I moved just a little closer, still making sure I gave him space. “It wouldn’t be the first time I did something like this, you know…”

“... Really?” His voice was completely deadpan. “You expect me to believe that someone’s dined on your blood like THAT, before?!”

“... A certain someone did…” Immediately, his mood took a turn for the worse. “... Sorry, sorry, I shouldn’t have said that-”

“I accept.”

“... Huh?” He released his nose, taking a deep breath. He shuddered, and quickly covered his face again, but not before I caught his fangs biting into his lip.

“I accept your offer. Just do not mistake this as anything special.” The rain began picking up. “It will benefit us both, that’s all. It is simply a matter of convenience.”

“... It doesn’t have to be.” I crawled over to him, ducking inside his tent. “I’d like to be your friend, at least.”

“... Sure.” He closed the flap behind us, parting my legs. “If your blood is delectable enough, then I’ll allow such a frivolous luxury…”

-----------

“... Ow…” I smacked his arm, only to receive a cruel chuckle in return. “You went overboard last night…”

“Were you not the one begging so helplessly for my touch?” His hand snuck along my sides, along the many love bites. “I simply did as I was commanded…”

“Liar!!! You…!” He sat up, sitting above me, and slipped his hand between my legs. Fingers rough with calluses quickly found my clit again, rubbing gentle circles into it. “S-stop…! I’m trying to chastise you…!” His fangs scraped against my earlobe, giving a small nibble as he slipped a few fingers in, making me writhe beneath his touch. “Vanrouge…!”

“Lilia.”

“... Mm…?” He kissed along my neck, along each and every one of his bites, some fresh, other’s old and scarred.

“Call me Lilia.” His cock was flush against his thigh, already hard and weeping with precum. “And only call ME that.” He slipped his fingers out, and brought them to my lips, pushing them past. “I’m the only one you need… So don’t call on that wretched excuse of a general for your battles, OR your chambers… Understood?”

He gazed all over my body, licking his lips in delight.

“If you do… Then I truly will have to drain you dry, so no one else will ever have another taste…”

Chapter Text

I looked away from the pasta salad I was making, finding Vanrouge STILL sitting at the table with a pout, arms crossed. He’d been like this all day… There was only so much longer I could avoid asking the question…

“... Haah…” I stopped stirring. “Are you alright, Vanrouge?”

“... You’re still calling me that.”

“... Calling you what?? Vanrouge??”

“What else?!” I grabbed bowls for us, and plated his first. “Didn’t I tell you not to call me that anymore?!”

“I mean, you did, but after weeks of you and the other Lilia constantly getting mixed up, I just figured it was easier to go back to before.”

“You should’ve started calling HIM Vanrouge…!”

“He was literally here first, dude.”

“Tch…!” The second his meal was before him, his eyes sparkled, and his scowl lightened up just the slightest. “Thank you.”

“No problem.” I took my own seat next to him. He glanced at the empty spot next to us, where Grim would usually be stuffing his face.

“Where is Grim?”

“Oh, he was ‘too good’ for pasta salad, so he went to crash Heartlabyul’s dinner.”

“How pathetic…”

“Yeah, but he’s a cat, so he can get away with it.”

“... Mm…” He bit his tongue, or well, the pasta on his spoon. “I suppose that means we’ll have the night to ourselves…”

“Ah, well…” I mindlessly stirred my own plate. “I actually have plans after this, but I should be back around midnight.”

“Rather late to be running errands, is it not?”

“Well, it’s not THAT late…” I took a bite, the fresh crispness dressing hitting just right tonight.

“I shall accompany you-”

“NO!!!” He nearly lept out of his seat in shock. “... Sorry, it’s just… You won’t like it!”

“Well, you are not the judge of that, so tell me, human… What is so important that it requires absolute secracy?”

“... I mean… It’s not really a secret, but…” His fingers tapped along the table, harsh, yet silent. “I’m gonna be getting drinks with Other Lilia, alright?”

“... Very well.” He resumed eating.

“Look, I didn’t wanna bring it up since you always get so pissy whenever I-wait, what was that??”

“You’re going to share drinks with him. I cannot stop you from indulging in such activities, even if I dislike the company.”

“... Oh!” That went so much better than I thought. “Great! Uh… Thanks!” I grabbed another forkful of pasta, taking a big bite.

“Just inform me of when you plan to depart, and I shall join you-”

“MMGH…!!!” Suddenly, the pasta hit horrifically wrong. “You don’t need to do that-”

“I am aware. However, I do not trust him. If danger were to befall you, I would feel more comfortable being present.” He spoke so seriously… But admittedly, he was giving more ‘jealous cat who knows you were petting a different cat’ than anything else.

“... Look. I think we need to discuss… All this.” I gestured vaguely to us. “You said this wasn’t a serious thing. I agreed this wasn’t a serious thing. I think we have different definitions of what that means.”

“So, what do you believe it to mean?”

“Me?” Well, that was an easy answer, but I was worried about saying it all of a sudden… “I see it as… We’re not really dating, but we’re not quite just friends, either. Just like I am with the first Lilia.” For a second, his ears fell flat.

“... Ah, so like Baul.”

“Yeah, like Baul-wait, who’s Baul?”

“A friend. It doesn’t matter. So you simply see us as friends with benefits, and you share this arrangement with the other version of me.”

“Yeah, that’s why I didn’t agree to anything that night. Changing either of these dynamics on a whim could cause drama, and both of you are important to me. There aren’t many other students I can relate to on the same level, and well… Let’s face it! He’s just too cute, but you’re way too cool…! It makes things even more frustrating than it needs to be…!” He couldn’t help but smirk in pride for a moment, before clearing his throat.

“… Was he the one who proposed this arrangement?”

“... Ahh… No, not really.” He raised a brow. “So he asked me to join him for 2-for-1 Appetizers at BananaBee’s, but long story short it ended with both of us in a hotel room, the best night of my life, and me proposing we just fool around once in a while.”

“What the hell is BananaBee’s???”

“A chain restaurant that sucks. The only reason we went was because he won a gift card from some school event, and he invited me since there wasn’t enough to cover all of Diasomnia, and it was just more fair to not invite anyone from it than only one or two. Anyway!” I gathered my dishes since I finished my meal. “I need to think about things. Lilia and I did agree we were open to other people, as long as we were open with each other and kept track of our health, but this is… Weird territory, so I wanna think about what to label ‘us’ before going any further.” I got up and grabbed his dishes, but he took them from me.

“Allow me. It’s the least I should do.”

“No, no! It’s fine! I mean, you’ve literally been doing all the yard work and everything, I can do at least this much…!”

“Nonsense.” He easily pried the dishes out of my hands, and moved to the sink. As he turned on the water, it splashed harsh against the edges, almost drowning out his voice which had switched to a softer tone. “... While I cannot say I’m happy about this turn of events, I shall respect your wishes.” I leaned against the table, but just before I could say anything, a hand covered my mouth, so taut, I couldn’t even mumble.

“(Shh~)” I relaxed, realizing it was Lilia, but shot him a glare. “(Apologies, but I’ll be kidnapping you now, [Name]!)” Within a moment, we disappeared into a flurry of bats.

“... What I will say is…” Now alone, Vanrouge took a deep breath, and swallowed his pride. “I think… That in the future, at least, I would like to consider something more-” He turned around, only to find nothing but a single stray bat fleeing the room.

“... THAT BASTARD…!!!”

-----------

“LILIA…!!!”

“Ah… Give me a moment!” He stretched, and grunted as his back popped in three different places. “Ough… I’ll need to take a nice, long bath after tonight…”

“You do, that sounded awful-WAIT!!!” I was getting distracted!! “Lilia, you were supposed to call me! I was in the middle of something important…!”

“More important than me?” He gave his cutest puppy dog eyes, and I already felt my spirit wavering.

“It was ABOUT you… The other you…”

“A pity…” He slipped an arm around my waist, and pulled me close. “Now that I’ve dwelled on my mistake, let’s enjoy our evening, hm?”

“... You realize I’M gonna be the one who has to deal with the aftermath of this.”

“Oh, you won’t! Chances are, he’s already pieced together it was my fault! If he has any one to blame, it’s simply himself~!”

“Yeah? Well I’m STILL gonna have to deal with him looking like a kicked puppy for days, now…” He just chuckled in mirth as we wandered through town. He was still in his club uniform, a healthy sheen of sweat on his brow that implied that they actually PRACTICED, for once, and it made me feel a bit awkward. I mean. I wasn’t dressed BAD, by any means, but he looked so ridiculously cool…

“Well, dear… I'm sure you’ll forgive me once you see what I have planned for tonight…~” He grinned like a wicked cat plotting crimes.

“... Don’t tell me, it’s-” I saw the sign pop up, and we stopped right before it. “... LILIA…!”

“Ta~dah~!” The old, flickering neon sign they refused to replace occasionally wore the image of a bee, its grin mocking me.

“NOT BANANABEE’S…~!” I could hardly hold in my laughter. “EVEN YOU AGREED IT WAS AWFUL!!!”

“What~? Of course not, it’s peak dining!” He gave a dramatic bow, and held a hand out to me. “Now, shall you join this adorable little bat for a night of the finest dining Twisted Wonderland has to offer~?”

“I don’t know, Lilia. Will you take care of me if I get food poisoning like that one review said~?” I held my own hand to him, and he took it, giving it a chaste, yet playful kiss.

“Of course! Do you truly believe I would leave you to suffer?”

“Remember when-”

“Oh, would you look at that!” He quickly dragged me inside. “We’re late for our reservation~!”

“Wah…!!!” We ducked into the gentrified steakhouse, our ears immediately being assaulted by dishware and corny pop music.

Unknown to us, a single bat watched the sight, quickly fluttering back into the shadows.

-----------

“... Hm…” We were both tucked away in a booth in the far back corner. It both offered more privacy, and was easier on his ears. “Do we wanna try and get something GOOD this time, or make our future lives miserable?”

“The choice is yours, [Name]!”

“... Hm…” Really, I should choose the former. “... Fuck it, we ball. I’ll get a salad-”

“No, don’t make your life THAT miserable.”

“Look! We BOTH know BananaBee’s salads are probably awful, but we don’t know HOW awful, and I’m curious…!”

“I saw someone order one last time we were here, and I’ve never seen such a miserable face in my life… Not even SEBEK looked miserable eating broccoli as a child…”

“... Okay! No salad, then!” I continued flipping through the menu, feeling the seat next to me dip. I didn’t bother looking up, figuring Lilia decided to snuggle close. “What about the ‘Festive Lemon Chicken’, then?”

Silence. I looked up, realizing Lilia was still in his seat, forcing a smile. I felt my heart pound at his glare, even if it wasn’t directed at me. I’d never seen such pure anger in his eyes...

“Why not a steak?” It was Vanrouge who leaned over my shoulder, completely unfazed by Lilia as he peered at my menu. “It’s impossible to ruin one.”

“Vanrouge…?!” He’d changed out of his uniform since I last saw him, now wearing what I could only describe as Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dive’s Chic™

“You sound surprised.” He smirked, looking right at Lilia. “Didn’t I inform you I’d be joining tonight?” Immediately, his head whipped towards mine in betrayal.

“I DIDN’T AGREE TO THAT!!!” He relaxed, but unfortunately, I could only see the anger grow in his eyes.

“So he’s uninvited, then! I’ll simply have to evict him from our date, in that case!”

“Oh~?” Vanrouge smirked, baring his fangs. “You really think you can kick my ass, grandpa~?” Both of them rose from their seats, but I quickly grabbed a fistful of Vanrouge’s shirt.

“...?!” I yanked him back down, making Lilia laugh, until I shot him a glare.

“... Ah…” He returned to his own seat without much fuss.

“... I swear to god, you two. If you make a scene at BANANABEE’S, of all places, with ME involved, I will never forgive EITHER of you.”

“Yes, dear…”

“... Tch…” I rubbed my eyes, acting as if I didn’t notice Vanrouge sticking his tongue out at Lilia. “Look. Let’s just. Try and be civil for tonight, alright? I know this isn’t what any of us want, but at the very least, we can use this opportunity to try and figure out what the hell’s going on with us, alright?” Lilia frowned.

“I… Cannot agree to that.” Vanrouge groaned.

“Can’t believe I’M saying this, but I agree with him.”

“Well, unless either of you can give me a good reason why not, it’s either that, or I’m leaving. You two realize how rare it is I get to enjoy a night by myself WITHOUT Grim, right? I’m not gonna waste that because you’re too busy being pissy with each other.”

“... Fine…!” Vanrouge reached for the alcohol menu. “We’ll do it, right, ‘Lilia?’”

“... I…” Clearly, he wanted to say something, but bit his tongue, forcing a weak smile instead. “I suppose we shall…”

“Thank you, because I really was looking forward to tonight.” The server, in all their perfect timing, returned to our booth. I could already see them looking between the two Lilias, wondering if he somehow performed mitosis in the brief period since they left.

“Uh… Can I start you guys off with drinks?” Vanrouge passed the cocktail menu to Lilia.

“Strongest thing you have.”

“Okay… And you?” Lilia gave them a smile.

“Bloody Mary, EXTRA bloody.” I could see the gears in their mind turn, trying to figure out how to explain that request to the bartender.

“... And you?”

“Uh…” I really felt like a fish out of water now. “Just a sweet tea.”

I could see them visibly relax at that.

-----------

“... Man… This certainly is lemon chicken.” It smelled more like a whole plate of artificial lemons, more than chicken. Vanrouge himself poked at his steak, which was SUPPOSED to be RARE rare, but then came Well Done, and then came Slightly Less Well Done when they remade it. (He gave up, but only because they gave it to him on the house for the mistake, and I asked him to.)

“... They really did ruin a perfectly good steak… Twice…” Lilia wore a flush to his face, already on his third Bloody Mary. Even Vanrouge gave him a look, as he was still nursing his first with small sips.

“I’m sure it’s fine…” A server came back, and placed his meal before him. Both of us balked, seeing how perfect and pristine it was.

“What the…?!” The plump strawberries shimmered so brightly with vinaigrette, and even the lettuce and red onions looked perfectly crunchy, and the chicken… Unlike our own sad, dried hunks of meat, his looked perfectly tender…!

“Why did you get a salad…?!” He pouted, downing the last of his drink, before waving for another.

“I… Wanted strawberries…” He didn’t bother with a fork, instead just grabbing a handful of vegetation and nibbled on it.

“By the Seven, idiot…!” Vanrouge hid his face in shame. “We can’t act like that somewhere like this…!” He was right, but honestly, I couldn’t stop myself from laughing. It reminded me of a video I saw of a bat being fed at a zoo a long time ago.

“C’mon, Lilia…” I gently tapped his hands, feeling my heart flutter as he looked up at me. “Use a fork, at least, please?”

“... Mm…” He dropped the lettuce, but still licked the dressing off his hand. I could see Vanrouge dying inside until he finally picked up the fork, stabbing as much salad as he possibly could onto his fork. “... Where’s my drink?”

“They haven’t brought it yet, and honestly, I don’t think you need another.”

“I want another…”

“Fruit juice instead?” He closed his eyes, mumbling.

“... Fruit juice instead…” It was rare he allowed himself to get drunk. The few times I’d seen from personal experience, he tended to go Silly Mode, so it was strange seeing him so… Mellow…

“... Ah…!” I accidentally knocked over my drink. Though I caught it, I still spilled tea on myself. “Damnit…! Ugh, I’ll be back guys, alright?”

“Yeah.”

“Alright.” Vanrouge stepped out so I could shuffle past, and quickly returned to his seat. The two were all alone, the pressure at the table overwhelming.

“... Are you always like this?” Vanrouge didn’t bother looking at him, focusing instead on trying to cut his steak.

“Mind your business.” Even now, Lilia shot him a glare.

“It IS my business. Whether or not we like it, you’re going around acting like an idiot, and tarnishing MY name.” He grit his teeth, putting more force onto his cutting, yet the steak refused to budge. “ It’s humiliating… What would Meleanor and Levan think-”

“They’re dead, why would it matter?” The plate shattered.

“... Shut up-”

“She died, he died… Baul was never going to happen… I’d accepted for a very, VERY long time now that romantic love was out of the question for me.” Vanrouge’s grip on the knife was deadly. “However… I became okay with that. I have my sons, and I’ve seen so many interesting things on my travels… Sure, there are times I grieve for them, but I’ve learned to live with the precious gifts I have. It’s what they would both want.”

Another Bloody Mary was placed beside him in a rush.

“... Then suddenly, [Name] shows up. Like an idiot, and got attached. AGAIN. But hey, this time felt different! There’s no war, or social barrier between us, my boys ADORE them…And though it may be a bit morbid, I’m GOING to die soon. Maybe I’d even die before them, so I wouldn’t have to watch another person I love die before me.”

For once, he wore a grave expression that actually felt befitting of his age, and it made Vanrouge sick.

“... It was already annoying enough, having to deal with my past attitude, but now you’re trying to steal the one person who makes me feel like I still have a shot at love.” The words, though whispered, cut through the air like a knife. “... Do you know why I brought them here of all places, today?” Vanrounge swallowed thickly. He didn’t want the answer, but he couldn’t resist.

It was the first time he was actually seeing ‘himself.’

“... Why?” Lilia grinned, exhaustion evident in every inch of it.

“Because today was the same day we first made this arrangement.” His grip on his glass tightened, fracturing it. “… I didn’t want to admit it, but I wanted to be more than that. For a while, I’d ignored my affections. They didn’t seem willing for a serious commitment, and I didn’t want to try forcing one, but… I couldn’t do it anymore. I decided to go for it, and ask to make things more… Official, between us.”

He paused, chugging down his Mary in one shot.

“And then YOU show up, fuck everything over, and now even if I tell them everything, they won’t believe me. How could I, after what idiots we’ve been tonight...” He huffed, and glanced over, seeing Vanrouge’s still mostly untouched drink. “Are you going to finish it, or not?”

“... Knock yourself out.” He slid it over, watching as it was downed just as easily as the past few drinks, though Lilia’s nose crunched up in disgust.

“Ugh… That’s worse than the ale we used to drink…” He knew exactly what the man was talking about.

“... Hmph~” He couldn’t stop his lips from curling up into a dumb grin. “You’re damn right about that! Why do you think I’ve been taking my time with it?!”

“I just assumed you were a bit of a lightweight, is all~”

“Oi…!” Lilia cackled as Vanrouge grew red-hot. “Aren’t you the one looking seconds away from keeling over…?! Who’re YOU to talk?!”

“... Hehe…~”

“... Haha… Ha…”

The two couldn’t stop themselves, bursting into laughter at the absurdity of the situation.

-----------

I honestly was expecting to return to the table to find at least one dead body, but surprisingly, they were just sitting politely, ears perking up once they heard me return to the table.

“... Hi, guys…”

“Mm.”

“Welcome back, dear~!” NOW Lilia was in Silly Mode, with hearts bursting from him. (Somehow.) “I missed you~”

“I… Missed you too…” I shuffled back into my own seat, unable to hide my suspicion. “Did something happen while I was gone…?”

“Of course not.” Vanrouge picked a large spoonful of his mashed potatoes, and took a bite. “... Ah. The potatoes are also awful.” He shoved his plate aside. “I think I am done for the evening… Unless you believe dessert would fare better…?”

“... Uh…” Lilia opened the menu, huffing as he flipped through the options.

“Where are the STRAWBERRIES…?!” He tossed the menu to us in annoyance, Vanrouge also sneering at the choices.

“It’s just chocolate…!” Even I wasn’t feeling chocolate right now, especially BananaBee’s chocolate…

“You know, guys…” They both looked at me. “There is a gas station nearby… We could just get something sweet from there…”

Vanrouge smirked, while Lilia smiled brightly like a kid in a candy store.

-----------

Even if they’d made some form of peace, it was still irritating, seeing his older self on Ramshackle grounds.

“Good afternoon, Vanrouge!” He stopped polishing his cleaver, raising a brow at the other man. “Now, now! I’m not planning anything suspicious~ I’ve simply come to apologize.”

“... Apologize.”

“Indeed.” A few seconds of silence passed between the two, before he put his weapon to the side.

“Very well, out with it.” Lilia’s smile grew slightly more strained, his eyes darting around to ensure they were alone.

“... I apologize for my behavior the other night.” He laughed, though it didn’t reach his eyes. “I had a bit too much to drink, and said some ridiculous things… Would you do me a favor and just pretend as if I never said anything~?” Vanrouge leaned back, getting comfortable.

“Nope. Don’t think I will.” Lilia frowned.

“... Pardon?” He grinned, baring his fangs.

“Yesterday was very interesting… And very eye-opening. Us two… We don’t like losing things, right?” He laid back on the grass, enjoying its soothing chill from the fresh dew-drops that sparkled upon it. “So I won’t forget it, and I won’t lose, either.”

“... Then should I take your words as a proclamation of war?” He said it so casually, as if he were asking for the weather.

“If that’s how you wish to see it, then sure.” He grinned, closing his eyes. “But I can guarantee it won’t be much of one-”

“*TWHACK!*” His eyes snapped open. “What the…?!” Lilia hadn’t moved, but the pain on his forehead was unmistakable.

“Oh, I’m sorry~ It seems a rock fell out of nowhere and hit you~”

“You motherf-”

“*THWACK!*”

“AGH…!!!” It nailed him right on the head again. “HOW DID YOU-”

“THINK FAST!!!” This time, he caught the rock right before contact, eyes sharpening at Lilia. “... Whoopsie~” He popped out of existence.

“GET BACK HERE…!” He looked back at Ramshackle, seeing Lilia looking out a window, and stick his tongue out at him. “Grrr…!!!”

He had a newfound respect for the man after that night, but it didn’t change the fact that they were rivals.

And he was not going to lose to someone like him… He could never live with himself if he did…

Chapter Text

“... Are you okay???” He just groaned from where he was curled up on my bed. “... Okay, so I’m taking that as a no.”

For once, his hair was down. Usually, he always kept it up in some way, whether it be his usual ponytail, a bun, or some other style, and it was only now I was REALLY registering just how… Well, LONG it was. Black and red stretched across the bed like a spider’s web, some of the unlucky strands even slipping over the edges, barely grazing the floor…

“... Your hair is pretty.” He weakly sat up, giving a half-hearted glare.

“Yeah? Well, it’s killing me…!”

“... How???” He fell back and pointed to the hairbands on the nightstand.

“I made it too tight… And now I feel like I’m going to die…” I picked up the ties, and winced at how stretched and worn it was. He must’ve wrapped them too many times trying to get the same hold as before…

“You want some water or anything?” He rolled over on his side, back facing me as he smushed his face further against the pillow.

“If you want to waste your time, I won’t stop you.”

“Okay, I’ll bring you some water, then.” As I stepped out of the room, I heard a quiet sigh of relief. Making my way to the kitchen, I found Grim carefully peeling away the foil over tonight’s casserole.

“HEY.” He jumped like a deer in headlights.

“I AIN’T DOIN’ NOTHING…!!!” He smacked the foil back into place.

“... Mmhm.” Just to be on the safe side, I grabbed the dish, and put it on a high shelf.

“NYAGH…!!!”

“What~? I thought you weren’t doing anything~”

“I-I WASN’T…!” I gave him a pat and grabbed a cookie from the jar Trey had gotten us last holiday break, passing it over to him. “Ooh~!” His sour mood melted away at the oatmeal raisin treat, completely forgetting about the casserole above him.

“Oh, Grim!” I grabbed a pitcher, making sure the water was cool before filling it. “After that, do you think you could keep an eye on Vanrouge while I run to Sam’s-”

“WHA?! HECK NO!!!”

“But-”

“He’s such an insufferable jerk…!!! Why the hell should I babysit him?!” I didn’t think he’d be willing, but I didn’t think he’d be so offended, either…

“PLEASE, Grim! You’d be doing me such a BIG favor…!” I grabbed another cookie to butter him up. “I need to run and get some medicine for him at Sam’s! You don’t have to be his friend or anything, just… If he needs more water or something, just get it for him? Please?” He glared but snatched the other cookie from my hand.

“... FINE.”

“Thank you!!!” I gave him a big hug.

“NYAH…!” He smacked me away. “YOU’RE CRUSHING MY COOKIE, IDIOT…!”

“Sorry~ Sorry~” It wasn’t THAT crushed, but he still gathered the crumbs with the most pitiful pout he could muster. “Alright, I’m gonna take this up to him and tell him the situation, alright?”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever…”

I quickly ran up, placing the pitcher on the bedside next to Vanrouge, smiling when I saw he’d managed to fall asleep (still looking annoyed, somehow,) within the brief period I was away. I reached to ruffle his hair, but hesitated. Would it seem demeaning to him? Lilia liked it, but I shouldn’t assume they both shared the same interests… Besides, it might only aggravate his headache more…

Deciding to be safer than sorry, I pulled back, and quickly made my way out of the room. I did promise Grim I would be quick, after all…

---

“... Tch…” A single eye opened, staring at the door that closed a few moments ago in annoyance. “The hell did you stop for, idiot…”

With a huff, he closed his eyes again, trying to ignore the light heat creeping onto his face.

-----------

“... Mrrrrrrrrrr…” He opened his eyes. Though his head did feel better, it still pounded enough that if he tried getting up now, it’d just get worse.

“What the…?” Right atop his chest, perfectly loafed, was Grim, glaring daggers right into his eyes. The bright blue of his flames from so close was making his eyes ache, yet he felt too pathetic to get up and shove the cat off. “Oi. The hell do you think you’re doing?”

“WATCHING YOU.” Though he purred, it was so aggressive that it felt more like a threat. “I TOLD [NAME] I WOULD WHILE THEY GOT MEDICINE.”

“... Ah…” That explained why they still weren’t back. “Well, you can do us both a favor and leave-” He tried sitting up, only to receive a paw to the face. “... Huh…?!” Grim was completely unfazed by the malice in his glare.

“I. SAID. I’M. WATCHING. YOU.”

“You…!” He tried sitting up again, but Grim smacked him back down with more force. “QUIT IT, YOU LITTLE SHIT…!”

“LAY DOWN!!!” Another headache was beginning to come back, but from a new cause.

“DO I LOOK LIKE A CHILD TO YOU…?!”

“YOU SURE WHINE LIKE ONE!!!” After one-too-many slaps, Vanrouge finally gave up. The cat had immunity. If he tossed him out of the room, he’d whine to [Name], and then THEY would whine at him, and he just KNEW the little menace would be watching from the hallway outside with the biggest grin.

“... Fine.” Vanrouge forced his eyes shut, doing his best to ignore the extra presence. “You can watch over me…”

“... Good!” Grim continued purring. The sound wasn’t unpleasant, but it was baffling.

“... Why are you doing that?”

“Wha?”

“The noise.”

“Oh.” He carefully laid back down on Vanrouge’s chest. “Lucious told me once when Trein’s feeling bad, that he feels better when he starts purring.”

“... I see…”

Well. In that case, he couldn’t say much about it at all now, could he?

-----------

“Damnit…!” It was only supposed to take 15 minutes, but of COURSE drama had to happen, and now it was a whole hour later…! “God, I hope he’s not mad at me…”

I mean. He probably WOULDN’T be, but still. Even so, I quickly ran up the stairs, and hearing how silent it was, carefully made my way to the bedroom. I quietly knocked, knowing that even now, his ears should be able to hear it, but there was no response…

“... Lilia?”

… Nothing. Oh god. Did he somehow really die of ‘Too Tight Ponytail…?!’

“... I’m coming in…” For once, the door didn’t creak on its hinges. I peeked through the crack, and relaxed.

“... Zzz…” He was completely conked out, even with drool leaking from his mouth, and Grim was the exact same, spread flat atop of him.

“... No way…” The two were like peanut butter and sauerkraut!!! … But somehow, here they were... So adorable together...

Before I realized it, I grabbed my phone.

“*Chhk!*” Immediately, both their eyes snapped open at the camera flash and glared daggers at me.

“OH FUCK…!”

I bolted for the nearest exit, hearing them scream after me.

Chapter Text

“... Mmgh…” Even though I had no reason to wake up, I still found my eyes opening. A brief glance towards the window showed it was still dark outside, and though I was tempted to close my eyes again… I really needed to get back to Ramshackle. Grim was probably annoyed enough that I ended up staying the night unplanned…

I did sneak a single glance next to me, finding Lilia sleeping peacefully. It was rare moments like these where his age really showed, creases one would mistake for childish joy still remaining even as he slept quietly.

“... Hm~” I carefully sat up, keeping my share of the blanket over my body from instinct as I looked around the floor, finding my clothes anywhere and everywhere. I couldn’t stop myself from huffing in irritation, knowing that it made trying to sneak out unnoticed even more of a challenge, now…

He acted oblivious, but it was obvious once you got to know him, he was always alert when he was alone… Too alert, as if worried the second he truly lowered his guard, something would happen. Part of me wanted to talk about it, but now knowing about his general days since the literal guy himself was walking around… Well, I could piece it together myself, at this point, and it just felt like bringing it up now would be cruel. If he wanted to talk about it, I’d be there. Otherwise, it just wasn’t my place…

“... Mmgh…” I grabbed my phone from the bedside table. The screen burned my eyes, and I made sure to keep it facing away from Lilia as I checked the time. It was… Well, late, to put it lightly. Late enough that if Sebek was up for a late midnight snack and saw me sneaking around, he’d probably make a fuss. I’d just have to be quick, then…

“You won’t be able to outrun him, you know.” Lilia just chuckled at my groan. He rolled over, smiling soft as he looked up at me. “If you really want to avoid him, your best chance would be to wait another hour.”

“... And just HOW did you know what I was thinking?” He stretched wide, grunting as his body cracked in multiple places.

“You tried the same last time, no? I’m simply trying to spare the night for my students.”

“... Haaah…” Well, another hour it was, then. “Sorry for waking you.”

“Mm, I’ve been awake for a while.” His hands slipped behind his head, crimson eyes watching the bright star decoration that still seemed to dazzle despite the darkness. “Sleeping during these hours has always been troublesome for me… Sometimes, I just have to force myself to shut my eyes and hope it works out.”

“Ah…” I grabbed the bat Squashmallow I bought him a while back, mindlessly squishing it. Even if I really should leave, I couldn’t say I was upset by this turn of events. “I’m a bit of a night owl too.”

“Oh? I wouldn’t have guessed.”

“Can’t blame you. If school didn’t force me to wake up early, then Grim would.”

“He’s quite troublesome, isn’t he~?”

“Yeah, but he’s cute, so it’s okay.” Even now, I could hear him whining about how he wasn’t cute, but COOL. An important distinction.

“Well, I’m also cute… Does that mean I’m entitled to do whatever I wish~?” I smacked him with the Squashmallow. “Ah…!”

“No. That’s Familiar Privilege.” He plucked the plush from my grasp with a pout.

“Aren’t I something special to you? Can’t I have my own privileges?”

“No, because the second I do, you’re going to do everything in your power to take advantage of them.” He huffed, giving the plush a firm squish.

“... At least for ONE day-”

“Ask again, and it’ll be negative one day.”

“Fuuu…!” It was too cute; I couldn’t resist laughing. “How cruel… And to think I fell in love with such a horrid person…”

“Wait, I’m sorry, what’d you say? I genuinely didn’t hear.” He suddenly crushed the plush in his grip, fear overtaking him. “GEEZ, DUDE! YOU’RE KILLING HIM…!”

“... Ah!” He forced a smile, slowly unclenching the poor bat. “Nothing, nothing! Just an old man’s ramblings, so don’t worry yourself over them!”

“... Yeaaaah, uh, I don’t believe that.” He forced his smile harder, but it only looked more painful for him. “Look, if you don’t wanna tell me, that’s fine. I’m not gonna force anything.”

“... Thank you.” We both looked down at the plush. None of the seams ripped, but somehow, he compacted it so flat that it was basically a pancake now… “... It should be fine!”

“Yeah! I bet it’s like when you vacuum seal a plush! It just… Needs to sit out for a bit…!” We placed it on the bedside table, hoping we were right… “... Anyway! You don’t have to tell me, but you know if you WANT to talk to me about things, you can, right? Don’t feel pressured or anything, but we ARE friends, Lilia… You should rely on others a bit more. If not me, then Diasomnia, at least…”

“... Thank you.” His smile was genuine, but I had a feeling like many other nights, he’d just keep everything to himself.

“... You know, I know I literally just said I wasn’t gonna force anything, but also-” I bonked his head.

“Ah…!”

“You worry everyone sometimes, idiot…!”

“Aha, my apologies, my apologies…~!” I bonked him again, but he only laughed harder. “HELP! HELP! I’M BEING ATTACKED~!”

“Oh, I haven’t even BEGUN to attack you yet…!” I snatched the pillow and held it high, the star decoration rattling as I knocked it by accident. “SEVEN, GUIDE MY STRIKE!!!”

“NOOOOO-” I smacked him with all my strength. “MMPH…!”

“DIE, MONSTER! YOU DON’T BELONG IN THIS WORLD…!” As I raised my next blow, he shielded his face.

“Don’t you DARE quote Castlemania right now, [Name]...!”

“HYAH!!!” I smacked him again, and with perfect timing, a knock as loud as thunder rattled the door on its hinges.

“LILIA…?!?!” We both froze. “LILIA?!?! I HEARD YOUR SCREAMS!!!” I shot him a glare.

“Did you have to be THAT loud…?!”

“As if YOU weren’t being loud, either…!”

“We don’t have time for this!!!” I scrambled out of bed, snatching all my clothes off the ground.

“... LILIA…?!?!” The door rattled even harder this time.

“Ah…!” Lilia cleared his throat, rushing out of the covers to find whatever pair of pajama pants was closest on the floor.. “I’m alright, Sebek~ You know how these late-night gaming sessions can be~!” Of course, it was now that I struggled with putting a single pant leg on the most in my entire life.

“BUT I HEARD-” Lilia laughed, but I could see the terror on his face as he grabbed a gaudy pair of bat-covered lounge pants and a baggy t-shirt, scrambling to boot up his laptop and load whatever game he saw first.

“Nothing, child! Just a bit of ‘Gamer Rage,’ as the kids nowadays call it!” As I slipped my shirt on, I realized that it was inside out. I didn’t have time, I just tied it in a knot as an impromptu crop top and grabbed whatever else I hadn’t gotten on, tucking it under my arm.

“... I’M STILL COMING IN!!!” I threw myself into the wardrobe. Realizing it was either letting him in, or buying a new door in the morning, he opened the door.

“... Sebek.” He was in his own pajamas, with specks of crumbs on his face. Even so, his baton was at the ready as he rushed into the room. “As you can see, there’s no one else here. I was just being inconsiderate with my volume… I promise I shall tone it down-”

“I HEARD SOMETHING, I-I KNOW I DID…!!!” His eyes narrowed in on the star decoration. It still swayed above his bed, and Lilia resisted the urge to wince.

“As I said child, there is no one here…!”

“IT’S OKAY, LILIA! I SHALL STRIKE DOWN WHOEVER IS HOLDING YOU HOSTAGE-” Someone cleared their throat. Both turned to the doorway, where Malleus now stood, in his own nightgown.

“... Lilia. Sebek.” He held his head. “I am TRYING to get some sleep. Would both of you save this discussion for when it ISN’T three in the morning…?!”

“Ah…!!!” Sebek immediately bowed, so low, he almost knocked his head into the ground. “MY APOLOGIES, MILORD…!” Lilia bowed as well, nowhere near as low, but enough to show sincerity.

“Yes, my apologies as well, Malleus. We did not intend to rouse you from your slumber.” He waved them off, and not a second later, Sebek bolted past.

“GOOD NIGHT, LORD MALLEUS AND LILIA…!!!” Despite his departure, Malleus made no effort to move, instead raising a question brow at Lilia.

“... Now, explain why I should not punish you.” Lilia just smiled.

“You have no reason. I was being inconsiderate with my volume. I shall take whatever punishment you see fit and ensure that I watch my volume when playing games from now on.” Malleus just rolled his eyes and flicked his hand towards the wardrobe.

“WAUGH…!” The doors suddenly burst open, and I crashed to the ground at his feet.

“... Now, Lilia.” He smiled. “Tell me again why I should not punish you.”

“... Oh boy…” I scrambled to my knees, doing my best to avoid looking up at the House Leader that I knew was staring straight at me… (My face had never felt so hot in my life…) “... Well! I suppose there’s nothing else to do but prepare for cleaning duty, [Name]~!”

“WHAT?!” He just laughed. “It’s YOUR DORM…!”

“Ah, ah! You are also complicit, and as House Leader, one has the authority to punish students from ANY dorm, if the need so arises!” My shame was suddenly gone as I stared up at Malleus, who remained expressionless.

“I will literally do whatever you want if you give him the worst punishment imaginable.”

“... Huh…?!” At that, the House Leader’s eyes twinkled in mischief.

“Very well. You shall join me for tomorrow’s Gargoyle Appreciation Society meeting.” For most, it was a death sentence, but that was because everyone here was dramatic. It was actually a nice treat. “... As for YOU, Lilia-”

“ABSOLUTELY NOT!!!” Now I was the one grinning. “My lord, this is… It’s…!” I leaned over to Malleus, shaking my head.

“Can you believe this? Your own Vice, second-guessing you…” He just laughed.

“Such betrayal~ Now I shall REALLY have to be cruel…” He cleared his throat, and immediately pulled his princely demeanor back on. “Lilia.”

“... Yes, milord…?”

“Your punishment shall be…” He suddenly grinned wide and stared straight into my eyes. “... You shall be Ramshackle’s personal chef for the next week~”

… Ah.

I’ve never felt so betrayed in my life.

Chapter Text

“Oh heavens…” 

The fierce aching of his head had finally ceased, but he could still smell nothing but charred herbs and suffocating smoke. Whatever those children had done in alchemy today was truly a baffling mistake… Though, he supposed if anyone was to be pitied, it was Professor Crewel. Unsurprisingly, he had opted for following classes to be held outdoors while the lab’s windows were popped open, and fans ran full-force in vain attempts to clear out the room.

Even so, it was still a tad tedious. He hadn’t been able to smell anything since, which also affected his taste buds. The delicious streak he’d chosen for lunch tasted like cardboard, and the delectable apple he’d plucked off a tree lacked its usual sweetness. For a second, he swore it was somehow an onion he’d bitten into.

Even his favorite tomato juice was underwhelming at best…

“... Haaah…” There was no way he could even consider cooking at this rate. How was he supposed to? 

“Lilia…!” The cheery voice snapped him away from his pity, and he easily pulled a smile on as the other student ran to his side.

“Ah, [Name]! How are you doing, dear?”

“I’m alright. I just came from Alchemy, but for some reason Professor Crewel was in a rancid mood…” He resisted a laugh at that. The poor man already had enough misery for one day. “How about you? I heard you weren’t feeling well…”

“Now who told you that~?” Sure, his nose may have been off, but it was a bit extreme to imply he was sick on any level. “I am doing just fine!”

“Silver said you were struggling with lunch, though…” … Ah. Of course it was Silver. That child worried too much…

“Well, there is some truth to it, I suppose.” Even so, he casually waved off their concerns. “My nose is simply a bit off after an incident in Alchemy. Nothing more.”

“... Are you SURE?” At that, he raised a brow.

“Of course. Do you think I’d lie to you?”

“... Well…” For just a second, he felt hurt. “No, I don’t, but you have a habit of diminishing all your problems, you know…”

“Really now~? The relief he felt was indescribable. “Well, you shouldn’t worry your little head about such things-”

“You’re doing it again, Lilia…!” They stopped in their tracks. “We all worry, you know?! You can rely on us once in a while, or even just complain, even if it doesn’t do anything…!”

“... I…” He bit his lip. Here he was, causing such frivolous problems for people… “... I understand. I shall take your words to heart, [Name]-”

“Are you saying that because you mean it, or because you think it’s the right thing to say.”

It wasn't a question. They already knew.

“... Let me apologize.” Warily, he placed a hand on their shoulder. He hated not knowing what to do in times like these. 

“I don’t WANT an apology, Lilia…” They sighed. 

“I insist on it. It’s only right, for causing you all such worry.” He thought to himself, trying to think of what the best solution would be, something that would make both of them forget about their worries. “... It’s been quite some time since we’ve been to our favorite karaoke bar, hasn’t it? I think the both of us screaming our hearts out would do us some good.”

[Name] perked up a bit at that, bringing a smile back to his face.

-----------

He always loved heavy metal from the moment he heard it.

There was a raw emotion to the screams that just… Resonated with him. It was cool, stylish, a difficult art to perfect… And best of all, when people heard him perform for the first time, it always gave them a good fright.

No one ever expected the perfectly cute and lovely Lilia Vanrouge to have such a deep voice, but didn’t such a thing only add to his ‘Gap Moe,’ as some of the kids say?

… if nothing else, it was easy to forget the world with music, ironically because he could always find it. The songs of sparrows, instruments of foreign lands, even the chatter of people held a strange rhythm to it. It was one of the few constants of his long life he could rely on.

Even the day his story finally met its end, he would still have the comforting crackle of a fire with a cicada’s song to lull him to sleep… Or so he hoped such a luxury would be afforded to him.

One. Two. Then three claps. 

The applause snapped him back to reality. Even in the dusky, dingy booth, he could see [Name]’s smile clear as day. Soft, with a tinge of unspoken mischief. For a moment, he swore he saw another’s eyes in their own, but banished the thought.

“I like hearing you sing.” Their voice was nothing more than a whisper. “I feel like it’s one of the only times I get to know about you.

He wasn’t sure what to say about that. Instead, he just smiled, and passed them the microphone.

Like always, a healthy heat spread across their face as they clutched it tight, looking through the list for whatever song they’d sing.

“... Is there anything you specifically wanna hear?” Normally he’d smile, and tell them whatever was fine, but for once, he decided to be selfish.

“Choose… Something that reminds you of me.” Even though he found himself almost ashamed at such an egotistical request, his smile held strong. “Or the ‘me’ you believe to know.”

“... Fuck, that’s kinda hard, actually…” They grabbed the tablet off the table, and shuffled close to him. He found himself leaning into their touch, even being so spoiled as to nestle within the crook of their neck. Slowly, his scent was beginning to return to him, the faint smell of their cologne a welcome change. “If we were back home, I could probably make a whole playlist, but there’s still so many songs I’ve never heard here…”

“I see…” His hand curled around their waist, their gasp unmissed as his fingers slipped beneath their shirt, cool gloves touching the bare skin beneath. “In that case… He closed his eyes, gently tapping his head against their own.

“Would you sing a song of what I mean to you?” They forced themself to take steady breaths, unable to ignore the gentle, loving stokes of the hand upon them. 

“I don’t think there’s a song that can…” He opened just one eye, ensuring that the door was locked, and the curtains shut. Sound wasn’t an issue, you could scream ‘bloody murder’ and no one would hear you over the bass in the hall outside.

“Then make one.” 

He turned to them, and stole a single kiss. It was soft, chaste, perfectly cute and lovely… But it was really the last thing he wanted to do, and they knew it.

“... Not here.” They couldn’t meet his eyes. “Home, or a hotel, but not here… If they catch us, then we’d have to start going to the bar across the street, and their music selection’s awful…”

“... Hmph~” He snuck another kiss. “If that is what you desire, dear…”

It would have to be the hotel. He couldn’t wait for home.

-----------

He couldn’t get the door open fast enough.

“Damn it…!” The old key struggled to fit correctly into the motel door’s even older lock, and he was not about to walk all the way back to reception just to get help! (Or teleport. Teleporting when he was so frazzled probably wouldn’t be the best idea.) For a while, [Name] just watched in amusement as he clicked in frustration, before eventually taking his hand.

“Here, allow me.” They gently pried the key from his hand, and with a swift movement, the door opened. 

“Wha…?!” They laughed, pulling him in.

“Ramshackle has a lot of doors like this.”

“Ugh…!” To think a door made him look so pathetic in front of his date… Truly, he’d never recover from this. “Come here, you…!”

“Oh…!” The key was tossed aside, and they found themselves pinned to the wall, his gaze searing.

“Didn’t a certain someone promise to sing for me~?” Their knees felt weak beneath his glare, and they found themself hardly able to even breathe.

“Y… you can’t expect me to do that now…” They found themselves sinking to the ground, but he just chuckled in delight, falling with them. He sat comfortably on their lap, tucking his hair behind his ears.

“Oh~? Were you not the one who suggested we find a motel?” He kissed along their neck, a thrill rushing through as they gasped from the soft touches. “And now you make excuses yet again… It’s almost like you never planned to perform for me…”

“Y-you know I did…!” Their own hands, with uncertainty, moved to his shirt, fumbling with each of the buttons in an effort to feel the smooth skin beneath. “I just… I forget how cool you are sometimes, alright…?!”

“... You think I’m cool?” Though it was spoken with such a sultry tone, it was actually a genuine question.

“Too cool, if you ask me…” Oh, the shot of serotonin that just gave him would tide him over for centuries. “Mm…!”

His lips were sinfully soft, yet unfairly rough. Completely sweet from his cherry lipgloss, yet completely domineering. He was a man of many contradictions, yet each and everyone seemed to do nothing but make him more addicting. 

They were torn. Close their eyes and simply submit themselves to indulge in the needy touches across their body, or keep them open and try to admire the overwhelming desire within the fae’s gaze? The former had begun to win, when his hands slipped beneath their slacks, snapping them alert.

“Ah…!” His fingers quickly found their clit, already wet. “Wait, I-”

“Are you embarrassed? Already?” He rubbed light circles into them, making them gasp. “After all we’ve done together~?”

“No, it’s-” With a grin, he kissed them, and closed his eyes. He pulled his hand out, and slipped a few of the digits in his mouth.

Their gasp of horror was what made him realize something was wrong. 

“Lilia…!!!”

The taste on his tongue… It was unmistakable. He found his heart pounding, and his head felt foggy.

He had completely missed the scent of blood, and yet somehow, even with his troubled nose, it still tasted just as sweet… No, if anything, it was moreso, as if his brain was working overtime to fill in the gaps of its flavor.

“... Haaah…!” He hadn’t meant to moan. “That’s… Oh dear…!” He brought a hand to his face, an attempt to hide his smile, but it only smeared more blood onto his face. More than any other moment in his life, he wanted to curse The Seven, but he controlled himself. “... That was blood! Silly me, I thought it was c-”

“PLEASE don’t finish that sentence.” They looked humiliated. “Ooooh my god. I cannot BEILEVE I forgot I was on my fucking PERIOD…!”

‘Is that a bad thing?’ The thought flashed through his mind, and his thoat grew taut. It was dangerous, tempting, alluring… But this was a situation he has SPECIFICALLY been avoiding! Blood wasn’t cute, or lovely, it was vile, horrific… It was the one contradiction that he resisted.

“... Should we take you to a hospital…?” The words sent him on high alert. “I mean. Even if it’s only a little, you DID just. Eat blood. I’m pretty sure that’s a health hazard…”

He had to tell the truth. Otherwise, this whole situation would become even more of a nightmare than it already was.

“Ah, about that, I… Ah…” The words were stuck in his throat. He took a deep breath, and ignored the pain and shame filling his entire being. “Fae of my kind… We can ingest blood safely, so there’s no need to worry…”

For just a second, their eyes sparkled.

For just a split second too long, he could hear their heart pound.

“... Oh…” He took a deep breath, still grateful that his entire sense of smell hadn’t returned. The faint scent of copper was already making it a Herculean task, he couldn’t imagine the dignity he’d lose if there was more. “... So… Do you…”

He bit his lip, hoping they wouldn’t ask the dreaded question.

“... Do you like blood…?”

He had to lie. He could never tell a human such a horrendous thing.

“More than you could imagine…” 

He hadn’t meant to say that. Truly, he hadn’t, but it was as if someone else clouded his mind, forcing himself to lay out his worst desires.

“Then…” With a shaky breath, they spread their legs. “I don’t… See a reason why we should stop…”

He licked his lips, unable to resist the allure of their taste any further.

-----------

His sense of smell had returned, but not his taste.

It was… Frustrating, to put it lightly. The delicious streak he’d chosen for lunch tasted like cardboard, and the delectable apple he’d plucked off a tree lacked its usual sweetness. He’d even double-checked this time to ensure it wasn’t a red-painted onion.

Even his favorite tomato juice was underwhelming at best…

‘Unlike their blood.’

He smacked himself.

No matter what he ate these past few days, some nagging voice in his head couldn’t help but compare it to [Name]’s own taste. Yes, blood was delectable. Unfortunately, there wasn’t quite anything like it, but he’d NEVER had such an obsession with it… Even in his younger days, when he more commonly drank of it, it was more of an occasional treat, than anything. Gorging on it just makes it feel lackluster in comparison, not to mention the icky feelings that’d follow after depending on the victim…

Even the one time he’d tried a lick of Levan and Meleanor’s own blood (at their own insistence, really he’d TRIED refusing,) as sweet as those brief drops had been, he’d NEVER had the strange hunger pangs as he did now…

“... Lilia.” Malleus’ voice snapped him back to reality. He hadn’t realized he froze in place. “Are you well?”

“Yes, milord. My apologies.” He quickly caught up to the boy, once more walking at his side. “I am simply a bit…” He drawled off. If he claimed to be under the weather, Malleus would worry. “... Tired. I stayed up far too late last night with my games.”

The cross look was more relieving than concern would have been.

“Truly, Lilia… How many times must I remind you? Though we may not need the same sleep humans do, we still need rest…”

“My apologies, Malleus! I shall try and sleep early tonight.”

“Please do.” They continued on to class. “... Lilia… You were in Alchemy during the incident a few days ago, correct?”

“Yes…?” The classroom was still being ventilated. Truly, some damage had been done.

“Has anything felt… Off, since then?”

“Not that I can tell.” He received another cross look.

“You are telling the truth, yes?”

“I have no reason not to…” The most had been his nose. If he still hadn’t been able to smell anything, he would start being concerned about possible chemical burns, but at this point, if he’d inhaled anything, it was most likely harmless. “Why? Has someone been hurt?”

“No, not hurt.” He smelled something. Despite his attempts to stay focused on his liege, he found his eyes wandering, looking for the source. “A few students involved have displayed changes in personality. While some are ultimately harmless, a few have been more… Self-destructive…”

His eyes sharpened as they landed on [Name]. They smiled bright, laughing along to whatever ridiculous joke those First-Years told them.

“... If anything bothers you, anything at all… You WILL tell us, Lilia.”

“Yes, milord…”

He licked his lips.

‘They tasted so sweet… I wonder, just how rich did it smell? I’m sure if I asked politely, they would allow another taste…’

He shook his head, bangs swaying wildly with the movement. Whatever was happening would pass soon enough. For now, it would be beneficial for them both if he kept his distance.

“LILIA!” Malleus’ voice crackled with magic. Oh dear.

“Apologies again, my lord!” The shorter fae managed to force a smile.

“I do not WANT an apology. I want to know what’s so important, you dare to ignore me…!” An angry Malleus was a very dangerous thing, yet a part of it felt nostalgic. His furious glare reminded Lilia of the young child who would furiously pout at being denied shaved ice when he’d somehow sneak all the way to Lilia’s house, only to whine when he was dragged back to the castle.

Really, he’d always wanted to indulge him, but if he overstepped his boundaries, the nobles would throw a fuss. It was always better to disappoint temporarily than lose his last connection to Meleanor and Levan forever, even if it meant he could never offer the same opportunities to him that he could Silver…

“... We should go fishing.” He didn’t say those words, but they came out nonetheless. 

“... Pardon?” Even Malleus was just baffled by them.

“Fishing.” It was as if he couldn’t stop himself. “Just the two of us. I wanted to take you during Vargas’ training camp, but we were not afforded the luxury.” Even if he meant every single word of it, he never wanted to say it. It was cruel, selfish to desire anything more than what his role already afforded, but even if he wanted to bite his tongue and take back those words, it was too late.

“... I…” Malleus had a ridiculous smile, just as goofy and wild-toothed as that young child, but quickly cleared his throat, hiding it. “... I would enjoy that… Just us, as you said?”

“Of course. Just us.” His ears perked up.

“... I have no plans after classes, if that is amenable to you…” It was wrong of him, but he smiled.

“I should have a rod or two somewhere in my room. We will meet at Sam’s after class to purchase the bait, then.”

“Very well.” They continued walking, but Malleus hummed happily, with almost a skip to his step.

It wasn’t the right thing to do. He wasn’t even sure why he did it, but… Well, no one else but them would know… So indulging in such a harmless desire would do no harm, right?

-----------

“... Haaah…” He stared down the bottle of pig’s blood on his desk. Luckily, Sam had connections, and they were ethical enough, so there was no real guilt about them. It didn’t change the fact that he hated how powerless he felt. He just sighed, and popped open the cork. Immediately, the scent of copper hit his nose. 

The taste hit his tongue, and well. It sure was blood. Wasn’t the best. The animal’s diet was probably a little too spoiled, but it didn’t matter. He was just relieved that unlike the past few meals he couldn’t force himself to down, it went down smooth.

“... Lilia?” Sebek’s voice was suspiciously quiet as he knocked on the door.

“Ah…!” Lilia quickly capped the bottle, and hid it in his desk. “Yes, Sebek…?!” He cursed himself for sounding so frantic, but he truly detested consuming blood in front of children.

“Permission to enter?”

“Yes, go ahead.” The door slowly opened, and his heart dropped. He could only hope his face didn’t reflect the same dread as Sebek entered, a healthy heaping of steam seeping from the bowl in his hands.

“I… Noticed you have not been eating much lately… We all have.” He could already tell it was chicken noodle soup. He’d tried the very same thing when the boy had taken Masterchef lessons, and it had been delectable… He couldn’t resist taking another bowl for himself back then. “Lord Malleus and Silver have gone to the infirmary to bring you medicine, so I took upon the task of making you soup.”

He bowed so low, the whole bowl almost went flying.

“Please.” His voice trembled. “Have some soup, Lilia.”

“... Of course, Sebek…” He carefully took the bowl, and much to his regret, the boy remained firmly in place, waiting to see him take a bite.

‘I don’t want this right now.’ He ignored the thought, bringing the bowl to his lips, and took a sip. It was perfectly warm, and with a perfect amount of spice. Not overwhelming, but still rich with flavor…

“... Thank you, Sebek.” Lilia smiled. “It is delicious.” He took a deep breath, looking ready to pass out.

“Good…! There is more in the kitchen if you desire it.”

“Thank you. Now, why don’t you catch up with Malleus and Silver, in case they need assistance?”

“But…” Lilia gave him a reassuring smile, and took another sip. “... Very well… But if you require anything, ANYTHING AT ALL… You will tell us, right Lilia…?!”

“Of course, now run along, Sebek~” Though hesitant, he took a deep bow, and soon enough, the door was carefully shut behind him. 

“... Uuh…” Lilia placed the bowl aside and covered his mouth. There was nothing wrong with the soup, in fact, it was perfect, but nausea crept onto his entire being nonetheless. He curled up right on his carpet, and took deep, slow breaths, hoping Sebek had already left the hall.

He was exhausted. He couldn’t help himself. It seemed whenever he recalled something he’d always wanted to do, he found himself doing it lately. It started small enough. He’d take the last cup of tea, instead of letting another have it, or buy the flavor of instant ramen HE preferred, though he hadn’t been able to enjoy it lately… But after a weekend camping trip with Malleus, extra training with Sebek in the mornings, and knitting with Silver during evenings, and more, he was starting to get exhausted…

It was frustrating. He WANTED to do all those things, and normally, he could keep up with such a frantic schedule, but that one desire he continued to ignore only grew worse and worse… 

‘The drawer…’

He found his hand feeling around for the glass bottle, tearing the cork out with his fangs. 

He hadn’t realized how much they’d grown as he downed the whole bottle. It was enough, he didn’t need more. This was enough.

He did not need anything more than this.

-----------

“Ah, Silver…!” Seeing [Name] run up to him did little to settle the uneasy feeling in his gut. “Sorry for bothering you but… Can I ask you something?”

“I was actually going to ask you a question, as well.” The response left them visibly bothered.

“... You first.” There were a few moments of silence. Both were afraid, but knew nothing would get solved if they didn’t speak.

“Has Lilia been eating at Ramshackle lately?” Immediately, he could see their heart shatter.

“He… Actually has been avoiding me. I’ve been TRYING to talk to him, but… Every time I see him, he’s just. Gone.” They wrung their hands, looking to the ground. “I don’t know what I did, but… I want to find out, and apologize but…”

They took a shaky breath, and without hesitation, Silver pulled them into a hug.

“I-I…” They gripped tight onto his jacket, unable to stop their tears. “I don’t want him to hate me… Not him…!”

“... It’s okay.” It hurt. Though he hadn’t known [Name] as long as the others, they still felt like family. “I’m sure he doesn’t hate you. He’s not like that.”

“Then why won’t he talk to me…?!” 

“... I…” Silver could feel tears pricking at his own eyes. “I don’t know…!”

His own voice began to come out in choked sobs. [Name] struggled to wipe away their own tears while still holding the boy close.

“I’m scared… None of us have seen him eating, he’s barely been able to do anything else but sleep, and whenever he is awake, he keeps trying to run off, like he’s not even aware we’re there…!”

“There, there…” They rubbed his back soothingly. Even though it hurt, they felt silly now… If anyone had a right to be upset, it really did have to be Silver.

“He can’t be dying… Right?” [Name]’s heart froze.

“... No, he can’t be… He…” They wanted to deny it, but Lilia was the type of person who WOULD be dying and not want to cause a fuss about it. “... We’re going to see him.”

“... We are?” [Name] pulled a handkerchief from their pocket and passed it to the boy.

“I don’t care what he says. We’re going to see him, and he’s GOING to talk to us, even if I have to kick his ass…!” 

“Wait, that’s…”

“I DON’T CARE IF IT’S TOO MUCH!!!” They grabbed Silver’s hand, and dragged him towards Diasomnia. “He’s stressing his own SON like this…! If there’s any time to put the fear of god into that man, it’s NOW, and by GOD is he going to be fearing god by the time I’m through with him…!”

“Please don’t hurt my dad-”

“No promises.”

With how tight their grip was, he was honestly afraid he wouldn’t be able to stop him…

-----------

The delicious streak he’d chosen for lunch tasted like cardboard, and the delectable apple he’d plucked off a tree lacked its usual sweetness. 

Even his favorite tomato juice was underwhelming at best… Compared to the sweet, crimson drink that stained his palms.

“... A-ah…” [Name] was nothing more than a crumpled husk at his feet, drained for all they were worth. You could hardly even recognize them, had it not been for their uniform. “What did I…?”

He fell to his knees. They didn’t stir.

He felt full.

“... No.” He grabbed their shoulders, bile threatening his throat at the foreign texture of their skin. “No…! NO, NO NO…!!!”

He shook, but they didn’t move. 

Oh dear Seven, he killed his last love.

“... A… Ahh…” He held his face in terror. Their rich blood stained his face, perfectly complimenting his feral eyes’ hue. 

‘I don’t want to be caught.’ It was his voice, but he didn’t say those words… Or did he…?

“... No. I swore I’d never kill again, not after the war… I don’t deserve mercy after breaking such a vow…” He looked around the forest. It felt as if eyes were everywhere watching him, but he knew he was truly alone…

‘I don’t want that. I want to go home to the boys. I want to be there for them.’ He wanted that. He wanted that more than anything The Seven could give him, but how could he look them in the eyes after this?! How could he look at Malleus, knowing he killed the boy’s first friend in Night Raven College, at Sebek, who thought so highly of him, at Silver, who… God, his own son, who already held enough anxieties of his non-fae lineage… He didn’t even WANT to imagine what the poor boy would feel about this…!

‘I want to travel the world again. I want to show them all the wonders the Briar will never let them.’

“No, that’s… I don’t deserve that…! How could I even think that, after what I’ve done to [Name]?!?!”

‘They loved me, right? So they would forgive me… That’s what couples do, right?’ 

A sick smile crossed his face as he licked his fingers, unable to resist a gasp at the little blood that lingered.

‘Besides… This way, they can’t leave me…’

---

“Lilia-”

His eyes snapped open, finding [color] ones right above him.

“FUCK…!!!” [Name] jumped, even tripping over their knees. “... GEEZ, dude…! You look like a fucking DEMON’S possessing you…!”

“... [Name]...!” He clutched himself, feeling dreadfully cold. 

‘I’m hungry…’ 

He looked past them, where Malleus, Silver, and Sebek watched in, looking at him in concern… God, he hated seeing that emotion towards him… It made him feel weak, pathetic… Like such a burden…

‘They smell so good…!’

“... Lilia…?” Their hand came to rest on his cheek, just where his own had been in the dream. “Please, just… Be honest with us.”

“... I…” His hand found its way atop their own. “I don’t want you all to worry…”

“Tch…!” Malleus scowled. “We’ve BEEN worried about you, Lilia! At this point, you’re just delaying the inevitable!”

“... Hehe… I suppose so…” He smiled, leaning into [Name]’s touch. “... [Name].”

“Yeah?”

“Will you do me a favor? A very special one.”

“Anything, Lilia…!”

“Good, good…” He pat their hand, and released it. “... Hide behind Malleus, would you?”

“... Uh…” They turned back. While the others were just as baffled, they still took out their wands in caution. “... Sure…?”

“Thank you, dear.” They hesitated, sneaking another look back at him, before ducking behind Malleus as they’d promised.

“... Is this good…?”

“Very much so, thank you.” He cleared his breath. “Now, if you’ll excuse my horrid behavior…” 

They had just blinked when he was right in front of them, fangs inches away from their throat before the others pinned him down.

-----------

I looked in through the Infirmary door, seeing Lilia quietly sleeping. All the stress he’d worn from the past two weeks was all but gone, and there was a healthy flush of color to him.

… Well. As healthy as one as ridiculously pale as him could have.

… He didn’t look like death anymore.

“... [Name].”

“WAH…!” Malleus had managed to sneak up on me. He couldn’t resist a smile, cramming himself right next to me to peek inside. “Geez, dude… You scared me…!”

“My sincerest apologies.” Yeah, he was full of it. “Has Lilia stirred?”

“Not that I’ve seen…” Ever since Professor Crewel had given him an elixir (after sedating the poor guy…) he’d just slept the entire day off. “... So did you guys find out why he was acting so strange?”

“Ah, yes. Do you recall that incident in alchemy a few weeks ago?” 

“... Yeah!” It was hard not to. Ace happened to be in the classroom delivering papers from another professor. “I know it was messing with people, but not the details… Most people involved got help sooner…”

“Yes, well…” Malleus rubbed his eyes. “It was a poison of desire.”

“... Poison of… Desire…?”

“... Let me explain.” He cleared his throat. “Desires are not inherently good or evil. However, if one is unable to resist cruel ones, or refuses to acknowledge even harmless ones, it can cause great stress in one’s life.”

“That makes sense… But how does the poison part play in?” He gestured to Lilia.

“Simple. It forces someone to act on all their desires. Lilia simply refused so hard to indulge in his bloodlust, that it drove him insane…” He rubbed his eyes in embarrassment. “... Wait… Just how DID he get a taste of your blood, [Name]?”

“... Uhhhh… Papercut.”

“... I see…” He clearly didn’t believe me, but agreed it was best to drop it. “Well, he should be better by now. We’ll simply have to wait for him to awaken.”

“Oh, hopefully you all won’t have to wait so long for that~” He both whipped around, finding that at some point, Lilia had teleported behind us.

“ABSOLUTELY NOT!!!” We both snatched an arm.

“WAUGH…!” We dragged him back into the Infirmary and shoved him back into his bed. 

“BEDREST.”

“NOW.”

“BUT I’M NOT-”

“WE DON’T CARE!!!” He huffed, head landing hard against his pillow.

“I have been sleeping. For the past TWO. DAYS-”

“WE SAID WE DON’T CARE!!!”

He just raised his hands in defeat, realizing that it was a battle already lost.

“... Would you two at least bring Silver and Sebek?! I… Have some apologizing to do…” He specifically looked to Malleus.

“... Very well.” He made his way to the door, pausing just as he was moments from stepping out. “... Also… I am very glad to see you’re alright, Lilia.” 

“Thank you, Malleus.” He hesitated for just a moment.

“... I would enjoy going fishing with you again, once you are well.” 

He rushed out before Lilia could say anything.

“... Oh dear…” He shook his head with a smile. “I really did get carried away…”

“... You could’ve asked…”

“... Mm?” I leaned close, voice quiet.

“You could’ve ASKED for some of my blood, idiot… I would’ve given you some…”

“What?!” He balked. “Absolutely NOT…!”

“It’s not like I mind!!!”

“That’s not the point!!! You are my partner, NOT a bloodbank…!”

“You literally starved yourself for TWO WEEKS, LILIA.”

“THIS ISN’T ABOUT THAT!!!” I facepalmed. 

“I am going to kill you.”

“Hahaha… Wait, what?” I grabbed his shirt. “Oh, you’re serious…!”

“YOU JERK…!” I gave him a good shake. “DO YOU KNOW HOW SCARED I WAS…?!”

“I-I’m-” I shook him harder. “PLEASE STOP…!” For five seconds, I did. “... I’m truly sorry. I don’t remember what happened earlier, but-”

“I WASN’T SCARED ABOUT THAT, IDIOT…!” … Okay, that was a lie. I WAS a little scared, but also unfortunately intrigued, but that wasn’t important. “I thought I did something… You ignored me for WEEKS, you jackass…!”

My grip lost its strength, and I fell atop of him, hoping he couldn’t see my tears.

“I thought I did something to make you hate me…”

“... Such a silly human…” His lips were cold upon my skin, yet it was the most comforting thing in the world. “I could never hate you, you know that…” I nuzzled against his chest, closing my eyes. 

“... Karaoke.” He chuckled. “You owe me a karaoke session.”

“Name a day.”

“Friday.”

“Then it’s a date.” … I probably shouldn’t have chosen so soon, actually… If he was still recovering, I think he’d fight all of Diasomnia trying to keep the date…

“... Next Friday.”

He huffed at that.

Chapter Text

“... Hm…” He examined the frog in his cage, and the other in his hand. Both were rather small… If he was to cook for two people, he should probably catch another… Ah, but there was the damn cat, too. Best to get at least four or five…

“Hello~” He reacted fast, throwing the second frog right at the ambusher. “Wah…!”

“... IDIOT…!” Lilia huffed, prying the frog off his face. “I THOUGHT I WAS UNDER ATTACK!!!”

“A pity. Now, indulge my curiosity.”

“No.”

“Why are you gathering frogs?”

“You’re just going to keep asking if I don’t answer, aren’t you?”

“Correct.” Well, there was no real harm in it.

“I am going to prepare lunch for [Name] today, as thanks for their cooking.” He snatched the frog back and dropped it into the cage. “Though they insist they don’t mind cooking, it still is wrong to leave the task entirely to them.”

“So the frogs?”

“What, are you suddenly above them?!”

“No. Every once in a while, I crave some frog legs myself. There’s a wonderful restaurant in town that fries them perfectly! I am just curious as to how you plan to prepare them!” Silently, they trekked along the pond’s edge, their ears shifting to catch any sounds of croaking.

“Roasting them, of course.”

“JUST roasting? For a show of gratitude, that’s rather low effort.”

“... Tch, quiet.” They both froze. Vanrouge surveyed the area. He could hear it, but not SEE it-

“Hyup~!” A hand darted straight into the pond, snatching out another frog. With it, his ego was bruised as the elder held the frog out to him. “There you go!”

“... Thanks…” Along with the others it went, their own croaks a pitiful cacophony.

“Now, would you like some advice? From one Lilia to another?”

“I don’t need it.” He strained his ears for another frog. He couldn’t lose the next one.

“Oh, I’m sure you’d GREATLY benefit from this one…~” Something about his words made him hesitate.

“... HOW much would I benefit?” Lilia just smiled. Listening around, he couldn’t hear more frogs, and just sighed.

“... Fine. What’s the advice?” Lilia gestured to the cage.

“Humans are rather fickle, unlike us fae. While there ARE some human cultures that enjoy frogs, there are also many that see such a cuisine as… Unappetizing, to put it lightly.”

“... Huh?” He looked at the cage, and for a second, swore all the frogs nodded in agreement.

“You COULD make [Name] roasted frog, but there is a high possibility that they’ll be more horrified at the sight of charred frog, rather than excited. Now, would you like to take the lives of these innocent creatures without being able to guarantee their end of life being appreciated? Or would you prefer to attempt a dish outside your comfort zone, and spare them?”

… Most humans didn’t eat frog. The thought was completely baffling to him… Then again, they didn’t react well to the rats, so there probably was truth in his words, as much as he hated to admit it…

“... Ugh…!” He popped open the cage, and unceremoniously dropped the frogs back into the pond.

“A good decision, I must say.”

“Yeah, yeah.” The frogs quickly disappeared into the waters. Even if he wanted to change his mind, it was too late. “Now what else could I make them?!”

“There’s plenty of ingredients in the cafeteria! You could use them-”

“I refuse.” For once, the man gave him a look of sympathy.

“While I fully understand your aversion to technology, you also have to understand that in this day and age, you won’t be able to get far without it.”

“Like hell I CAN’T!!!” They walked back towards the main campus, the sun beginning to rise. “How can YOU?! You’ve seen what those damn things can do…! Even if the machines here aren’t for war, those strange noises they make… Doesn’t it hurt your ears…?!”

“Which ones? I can change the sound settings for you to make it easier on you.”

“Idiot, I’m talking about the ELECTRICITY ITSELF.” At the sight of the two, nearby animals rushed off, sensing the foul vibes. “It’s not like magic… It has that strange buzz to it, like a bug is lodged in my ear… It pisses me off!!!

“Ah, that… Truth be told, I’ve gotten used to it. I’d completely forgotten about it until now.” As Ramshackle came into view, Vanrouge sulked, knowing he had nothing to show for his work. “... Actually, I have an idea.”

“I don’t want to hear it-”

“Yes you do, now, there is ONE place in town where you could get ingredients with minimal technology around…”

"... Fine. Where?"

Lilia grabbed his shoulder and rushed him towards the campus gates.

---

“Welcome to the Sage’s Island Farmer’s Market~!”

Vanrouge expected to stick out like a sore thumb in his General's clothes, but at the sight of humans and other species alike in their own practical outdoor clothes, he felt relaxed… Unfortunately, there were still a few of those wretched metal deathtraps (‘cars,’ as that idiot always reminded him,) but seeing them shut off, it didn’t bother him as much…

“So… What should I buy?” Lilia pulled out his wallet, looking much too excited.

“See, that’s the best part! We do a recon, and then buy whatever strikes our fancy! Now, hold these bags!!!” Countless reusable totes were shoves into his hands, and it was now the dots started to connect.

“... Wait…!” Lilia just grinned. “Was this whole thing a set-up to make me your packmule…?!”

“What’s the problem with that? It benefits us both, does it not~?” Immediately, he was almost CERTAIN it was out of spite, Lilia grabbed the largest watermelon in one vendor’s truck. “So make sure you do a good job and don’t damage anything, and in return I’ll pay for your share~”

“THAT’S BULLSHIT AND YOU KNOW IT-nngh…!” It wasn’t that the watermelon itself was heavy, it was that Lilia practically slam-dunked it into a bag. He barely managed to keep it from smacking onto the ground below and sighed in relief. “... I’m going to kill you-”

“THINK FAST!!!”

The bell pepper smacked hard against his forehead, leaving a mark before it fell right into the closest bag.

“Ow…!!!” He looked around, but no one had noticed. The bastard was so fast, no one even REALIZED the bell pepper had flown.

… Ah.

He got it, now.

This was war.

“... You want me to be your damn packmule…?!” He mumbled under his breath as he fixed his hold on the bags. “Fine! I’ll be the best damn packmule you’ve ever had, and you’ll regret it once [Name] tries MY cooking…!”

Lilia skipped ahead in delight, unable to stop his own sinister smile.

He’d already given them a gift card for McDonny’s to enjoy, today.

Chapter Text

They watched Lilia slink out of the dorm in suspicion.

“... He’s hiding something.”

“BUT WHAT?!” They had been dreading dinner, but when he just smiled and mentioned they would be responsible for dinner, citing ‘prior commitments’ as the cause, it filled them with even more dread…

And curiosity.

“Perhaps he has a date tonight.” Malleus scoffed.

“Then he would have SAID SO, Silver…!”

“... Ah, he usually does, now that you mention it…” The prince crammed himself as close to the glass as possible, Sebek smushed right against him as they watched Lilia approach the portal. He was dressed sharp-... Well, not in any formal sense. He was wearing his finest bracelets and piercings, and far too many buckles to count on his heels. He even wore that insufferable cologne that reeked of artificial blood oranges and pomegranates…

Truly, he was dressed in Full Punk… And that only made him MORE suspicious… Normally, he only dressed so intimidatingly when he planned on letting loose and causing trouble in town…

“... Milord, Sebek.” Silver awkwardly cleared his throat. “Aren’t we being a bit ridiculous?”

“NO.”

“OF COURSE NOT, SILVER!!!” He just shook his head in shame.

“Are you sure this is about Lilia, and not being invited?” Malleus twitched.

“Is it wrong for me?! To be curious as to what’s SO important to him, that I cannot be informed of it?!?!” The normal answer was yes, alas, everyone in the dorm was not normal.

“YOU’RE ABSOLUTELY CORRECT, LORD DRACONIA!” The second Lilia passed through, they finally peeled themselves off the window. “IN FACT, I THINK THIS CALLS FOR AN INVESTIGATION!!! DON’T YOU AGREE, SILVER?!”

He just looked between the two, who were hardly fighting off their smiles.

“... Neither of you want to make dinner tonight, do you?”

“Urk…!”

“Ah…” They couldn’t look him in the eyes.

“I see, in that case, I will-”

“Don’t burden yourself, young Silver~!” Malleus quickly dragged them both away. “We shall simply enjoy a nice family meal with Lilia~ Now, quickly dress yourselves, before we lose him entirely!!!” He pushed them towards the dorms, Sebek immediately breaking into a sprint.

“OF COURSE, MILORD~!”

Silver just sighed, and followed in suit.

“... Tch…!” Malleus snapped his fingers, and with it, his clothes changed. Instead of his uniform, he was dressed ‘casually,’ with crisp slacks, and a ruffled, black shirt with delicate embroidery of thorns. “Not inviting ME to dinner… The AUDACITY!”

What was so important that HE couldn’t be brought along?!

-----------

“Lilia!” They watched from the shadows as he approached [Name] with a gentle smile, ill-fitting of the harsh attire he wore.

“[Name], dear! Hopefully I didn’t keep you waiting TOO long for our date!” Silver looked straight at Malleus and Sebek, who fumed.

“LUCKY GUESS.”

“Now don’t grow coy, Silver…!” Lilia turned back, and they ducked behind a wall, holding their breath.

---
“... Lilia?” He squinted. For just a faint moment, he swore he heard the bickering of children again. “... Dude?”

“My apologies, [Name]!” He recovered, sweeping a hand around their waist.

“Oh…!” He practically shoved them along the path towards their destination, eyes glancing behind them.

“... As I thought…” He huffed. “We’re being followed.”

“... Wait, what?” His ears perked up, and this time, without a doubt, he heard Sebek’s voice. Tilting at another angle, he heard Malleus. “Don’t tell me it’s-”

“Indeed…” They turned into the next alley.

“We gotta go somewhere else.”

“Absolutely NOT…!” They were getting closer, so they moved faster. “I’ve waited far too long to eat here again! I’m NOT having them ruin this for me!”

“Dude, it’s gonna be SO awkward, though-”

“Only if they catch us, now shh…!” He pulled them into a tight divot, the two barely able to squeeze in together. They clasped a hand over their mouth as he held them close, shutting his eyes so their glare wouldn’t give them away.

“... HE’S GONE!!!”

“HURRY!!!” Malleus and Sebek immediately ran past. Silver trailed behind, turning to the two.

“... Sup.” [Name] just gave a brief wave, and finding themselves caught, Lilia opened his eyes with a smile.

“Sorry, father…” Lilia just nodded his head towards Malleus. “Got it!”

He chased right after. Once they were gone, the two snuck out, and immediately ran the opposite way.

-----------

“WHERE DID HE GO?!?!” Sebek fell to his knees, voice crackling through the air.

“HE MUST’VE TRICKED US…!” Malleus’ dignity was the only thing stopping him from falling to his own. Silver barely held back his laughter, placing a hand on Sebek’s shoulder.

“Perhaps we should head back, before it’s too late-”

“NO!!!” Malleus’ cry was even louder than Sebek. The two retainers flinched, immediately standing straight. “I REFUSE TO LET HIM WIN!!!”

“B-but Lord Draconia-”

“NO EXCUSES!!!” He huffed, and paced around. “Quickly! Any ideas on how we could find him?!”

“Uhh…!”

“None at all, milord.”

“Damn it…!” Suddenly, he froze. “... Hold on a moment…” He flicked his tongue out, and a wide grin sprawled across his face. Sebek shuddered, feeling like Lilia’s end was near.

“... Lord Draconia…?” He grabbed both of them by the shoulders again, dragging them along this time.

“I can taste that horrendous cologne!” The prince cackled like a madman. “THIS WAY, QUICKLY!!!”

Silver made a mental note to tell Lilia not to wear it anymore.

-----------

His fangs glinted in the dimly lit restaurant right before he pierced the meat, a light flush to his face.

“My god, dude.” He clicked in delight, taking another bite. “You are going to TOWN on those frog legs.”

“Can you blame me?!” For the first time since the plate was put before him, he finally stopped eating long enough to talk. “Silver LOVES the poor things! He’d be absolutely DEVASTATED to see me eating them..!”

“Yeah…” I took a sip of my drink. While he’d opted for a Cherry Sazerac, I opted for some juice. “... Wait, is that why they were following us?! Did you not tell them this was a date?!”

“... Mm… About that…” He took an awkward sip of his own. “Usually they ask how such things go, and I was worried about any slips of the tongues… I was HOPING they’d simply mind their business, but ah, I suppose that’s too much to ask of my boys~”

“YOU THINK?!” He chuckled, and reached for another frog leg, holding it out to me.

“For you, my dear~” I waved him off with a smile.

“No, no~ Besides, I’m waiting for my own appetizer!”

“Fwuuu~ You refuse me the opportunity for us to be the most overwhelming adoring couple here and feed you~?”

“I do~ So tough luck, Lilia~” We both laughed. With another smile full of childlike joy and wonder, he took another bite, and I flipped through the menu. “So do you know what you’re getting for your entree?”

“Mm.” Away from prying eyes, he spoke with his mouth full. “Admittedly, a part of me just wants to get more legs…”

“If you do and regret it, you’re not allowed to beg for any of my food.”

“So cruel…!” I slid him the menu. “... Ooh… Gumbo…”

“Gumbo…” His eyes sparkled, reading the description.

“That sounds decadent, actually. I’ll get that.”

“Nope, because I was gonna get it~”

“Oh? Well, if you love me, then you’ll get something else~”

“Mm, but do I love you THAT much, though~?” He leaned over, and gave me a kiss right on the cheek, a black lipstick imprint left upon it. “... Okay, that WAS pretty cute, but still. Gumbo.”

“Drat!” I flipped to the next page, letting him read the rest. “Then I suppose I shall have to find something else!”

“What about the jambalaya~?” His eyes sparkled again.

“That also sounds lovely!” I smiled, and closed the menu.

“I’m getting that too, actually.”

“Wha~?”

“In fact, I’m getting the whole menu. Nothing for you.”

“How cruel of you, leaving little old me to starve…!” Suddenly, three bodies entered the opposite end of the booth, and Malleus and Sebek gave us condescending grins.

“Ah, speaking of starving, you two…” Panic filled Lilia, and immediately, the basket of frog legs was snatched from the table with lightening speed, hidden between us.

“MALLEUS…!” He tried looking at the basket, but I quickly covered it with a napkin. “HOW DID YOU FIND US?!”

“Irrelevant.” Silver looked truly sympathetic as Sebek snatched the menu.

“NOW TELL US!!! WHAT IS SO IMPORTANT ABOUT THIS PLACE THAT YOU DARE NOT TO INFORM US OF IT-”

Suddenly, another basket was placed onto the table. Lilia and I were dead silent, staring at each other.

“Sorry for the delay!” The server was all smiles, completely oblivious to the vibes, or simply uncaring. “Here’s your alligator nuggets! Enjoy!”

The entire table was dead silent. Except Sebek.

“... Lilia?” Oh god he sounded like a kicked puppy. “Did they just say-”

“NOPE!!!” I immediately cut him off. “NOPE, NOPE, NOPE!!!” Malleus stared at the plate in horror, clutching his chest, while Silver was… Conflicted, to put it lightly. Sure, people ate meat, but it was such a unique choice… “We are NOT becoming the bad guys here!!!”

“... Lord Malleus, I don’t feel safe here.” On cue, Malleus rose from his seat.

“Agreed! We’ll discuss this later…!” They bolted for the exit. Silver just held his head in his hands.

“... I’m sorry again, you two…”

All we could do was sigh… (And awkwardly take a bite of my alligator.)

Chapter Text

“...’s damn cold…” I didn’t need to do a double take to know who was squished as close as humanly possible to me in bed.

“Tell me about it…”

“Nyeah…” From the front, Grim latched onto me, a shivering mess, while Vanrouge had more than bundled himself in my thickest sweaters from the brief glimpse of his sleeves I could see of him behind me. Really, I should’ve gotten up like. Fifteen minutes ago. We all should’ve, but it wasn’t like we had plans…

Though, I was a bit surprised by one person’s absence. Lilia had actually fallen asleep with me tonight, but he must’ve left early… He was a stronger trooper than me, that much was for sure.

“... Henchmaaaaaaan.”

“Yeah, Grim?” He looked at me with the biggest, most pathetic eyes he could muster.

“I’m huuuuuuungry.”

“Well, unless SOMEONE wants to get out and cook-”

“Hell no.”

“-figured, then we’re just gonna have to starve.”

“NYEH…?!” I chuckled and nuzzled my head against the familiar.

“Kidding, kidding~ We’ll just order something to Ramshackle, is that alright?”

“MORE than alright~!!” He began purring up a whole storm, nuzzling all against me. “What’re we gonna get, huh?? Huh??!?”

“Well, I was thinking something from The Lounge, but if Azul sends either of the twins here to deliver it, I think they’ll actually kill us in the process-... Well! Maybe if Jade sees a mushroom along the way we’d survive!” Vanrouge hummed in content, pressing himself further against me for warmth. “What about you, Vanrouge?”

“... Eh? Vanrouge…?” The door opened. We all looked up, seeing the most miserable man I’d ever met, bundled in more of my sweaters, and boxes of take-out in hand.

“Tch… Sorry I was gone for so long. I…” He groaned, placing the boxes to the side, and began shucking off the outer layers coated with frost. “... I requested Lord Draconia for assistance with ordering food, but the ordeal took longer than I’d expected…”

“... Wait.” I craned my neck as far as I could, just in time to catch Lilia’s face shift from pure bitterness to sweetness, though I could see it was strained.

“Mm? What is it, dear~?” I looked at Grim.

“Hey, that wasn’t just me, right?”

“Nyeh??” His attention was completely on the thick, hearty smell wafting through the air. “What’re you talkin’ about??”

“Lilia was-”

“Oh, I was being perfect sweet and adorable as always, wasn’t I, dear~?” Rapid fire clicks of affection ensued as he hugged me tight.

“No, you-”

“Oi.” Suddenly, with a cry, he was dragged off. “Get your food. If it gets cold, I ain’t reheating any of it for you idiots.”

“You brute…!”

“YEAH!!!” Vanrouge shot a glare at Grim. “I-I mean…!” Too late.

“FOOD. NOW.”

“NYEAGH…!!!” He was plucked out of bed without a second thought, before Grim even had time to dig his claws into the mattress. “HENCHMAAAAAAN…!!!” I just pretended that I Did Not See It and snuggled back into the covers myself. “TRAITOR!!!”

“ZZZ.”

“STOP FAKING SLEEP.”

“What was that??? I can’t hear you, because I really AM sleeping.”

“NO YOU AIN’T!!!”

“Honk… Shoo… Mimimi…” My lips curled into a grin as Grim screamed. “So many sheep… Mimimi-iiEEEE!!!” Freezing hands grabbed my waist, but unlike Grim, I managed to latch myself onto the mattress before I could be tossed off.

“You too.”

“FUCK NO!!!”

“IT AIN’T A REQUEST.”

“I SAID NO…!!!”

“Hehehe~” Grim and Lilia snickered at the sight, but secretly, the latter was just glad the attention wasn’t on his little slip-up, from earlier…

Chapter Text

“C’mon!”

“Wait…!” Before he could resist, he found himself pulled onto the dancefloor, towards an empty corner in the back for the two of them to share. “You can’t be serious, ME?!”

“Is there anyone else I’d choose~?” They smiled bright, eyes shimmering despite the lack of lights of The Lounge.

“I already told you, I-I’m just here to chaperone-!” A hand found itself in his, and another on his side as the band began a mellow waltz. The brass of trumpets and sax threatened to overpower the beating of his own heart, and much to his embarrassment, he found himself unable to look them in the eye…

He knew there would be a smug grin. It was unfair… The only one who should have the upper-hand like this was him, damnit…!

“... Thank you,” they gently swayed along, and thought he could easily break free… Strangely enough, he didn’t want to. “For coming with me, tonight. Really.” His ears burned with color, yet at this point, if he sat around like some pathetic child blushing all night, he could never forgive himself.

“It was either this, or you coming yourself, you don’t have to thank me for that.” Secretly though, a part of him was grateful. The other ‘him’ had plans with Malleus that couldn’t be denied, meaning that it would be an entire night with no interruptions, or sabotages…

Just the two of them…

“... Vanrouge?” His grin was wide, almost terrifying... “You good-”

“Wonderful actually.” Suddenly, the lead was taken from them.

“Oh…!” They found themselves dipped with ease, not even a tremble in his arms, and soon pulled right back into his. “You’re getting suspiciously into this now…!”

“Mm? I’m sorry, would you rather me complain again~?”

With a huff, they rolled their eyes, but he didn’t mind. Not with how they leaned against him, hiding their bashful smile…

---

“[NAME]…!” HIs date had vanished from his side in a mere instant. It didn’t take long to catch sight of them, disappearing into the depths of a nearby arcade. “[Name]! We’ll be late for the movie…!” Alas, they couldn’t hear him over the clashing sounds. With no other choice, he rushed in himself, surrounded by countless UFO Catchers, all with random knickknacks and trinkets that begged for one to open their wallets…

Luckily, he found them after only a few moments, near none of them. Instead, they were on their knees, right in front of the DanceDanceMania machine.

“... [Name].” His voice was low, grim. A clear warning within.

“Just once.” Their wallet was out. “We have time for ONCE.”

“You know JUST as well as I do that it’s NEVER ‘once…!’” Slowly, without breaking eye-contact with him, they started putting coins into the machine. “[NAME]...!”

“My hand slipped.” Soon enough, the machine chimed in satisfaction. “Teehee.”

“Goodness, dear…! What has gotten into you today?!” He held a hand to them, and with a far-too satisfied grin, they joined the fae, each stepping onto their respective pads. “To think we were supposed to have a mature and respectable date at the theater…!” He immediately scrolled through the song list in search of his favorite.

“We were gonna see ‘DARCIE,’ it wasn’t gonna be THAT mature.” His hand hesitated right before he hit the start button.

“...I don’t like how that sentence was in past tense…”

They took his hand and forced it to press the button.

“... Also we’re doing ‘NRC Surge’ after ‘Rosura Storm.’”

“Okay, FINE, but then we’re doing ‘Bat with the Hex!’”

“Acceptable.”

The second the countdown began, they both shut up.

---

From my spot in the back of the club, I smiled and sipped my soda in amusement.

When I’d brought this up to both of them, Vanrouge’s eyes sparkled in wonder when he examined the flamboyant fashions of the bands, and Lilia gasped in shock, recognizing one of them as his favorites. Needless to say, it was a resounding yes for both of them.

“ENCORE!!! ENCORE!!!” Both of them were dressed head-to-toe in their harshest fashions, crammed right next to each other at the front. If you didn’t know any better, you would assume they were twins.

“YOU CAN’T STOP NOW… GIVE US ANOTHER!!!” Their screams were louder than anyone else in the club, which was honestly impressive, with how many people were crammed within.

… Honestly? I felt like a fish out of water. Sure, I was dressed to match them, but my anxiety had started kicking in long before we even entered, I just hid it. This was a great event, but I couldn’t imagine myself being right there next to them…

Luckily for me, watching them whip their heads and crash against other metalheads was just as entertaining, if not more so than the next guitar solo threatening to explode the amps.

Chapter Text

Hello everyone, this is HowAreYouGoodPerson/DivusButter32oz, and I just wanted to make an announcement.

---

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Wow! Look at these ratings! Call me Mettaton, because I'm about to strike a pose! 💃✨ (Also yes, I am aware Lilia's hand is backwards. Unfortunately, my cat is laying where I need my computer to be so I can draw/fix it, so we'll just say he's very talented and has concerning wrists.)


Jokes aside, I feel a bit bad since it literally took until GENERAL LILIA coming out for me to actually. Figure out how I wanted to write Lilia, so this fic has nowhere near as many one-shots as the other collections, :^| (The timeskip is so noticeable when you look at the quality of Chapter 3's writing compared to Chapter 4's, ahaha...)

Even so, I am very grateful for those of you who've read this collection! Unlike the other characters I write, Lilia has much more experience in life, both in love, and otherwise. It's a lot of fun being able to experiment with the dynamic it brings even if I struggle a bit or feel like I occasionally make things a bit too obvious or subtle. Seeing despite that, people really enjoy my work is always a wonderful surprise. An extra "Thank you" to those of you who've been kind enough to leave Kudos, Bookmark, or even Comment. Though I generally do not reply to them, I read each and every one, and it means a lot that you're willing to take a little time of your day to share your thoughts.

Well, I can't think of much else to say right now. I've been distracted with drawing all day since I got a new drawing tablet, so most stuff's gone over my head today, 😔💦 Anyways, thank you again for reading my work, and I hope you have a nice day/night.

~ HowAreYouGoodPerson/DivusButter32oz

---

(P.S: Even though Lilia is the character I've written least for of my favs, he's actually one of the Twst characters I've drawn the most! He's a lot of fun to draw... 😭✨)

Chapter Text

His eyes snapped open, his entire body cold as ice.

“... Haaaah… haaaah…!”

It was that scene again… It’d been so long since he’d seen it, that he almost had the luxury of forgetting it even existed. Alas, life could be cruel. Even after these hundreds of years, it was one of the few memories he could never forget.

“... I…” He shakily pried off his cover, and climbed out of bed. On his way to his wardrobe, he glanced into his monitor, finding his bangs matted to his face from sweat, and a feral look in his eyes. “... I need… A bath… Yes… A nice, cold, bath…”

He grabbed the first change of clothes he could find, shoving them into a bag, and rushed out the door. It wasn’t wise to teleport. Even if his magic hadn’t been growing weaker, he’d possibly hurt himself trying to use it in such a state, and that would just cause more troubles for everyone.

“... Haaah…” He pressed his ear to the door. Not a single sound. Cautiously, he opened it, just enough to sneak out, and shut it behind him. No one was around. He hated that, but at times like these, the silence was pure bliss.

Step-by-step, he swiftly, and silently rushed down the stairs. A cold draft breezed through the old halls, chilling his skin, a comforting memory, yet a cruel reminder of his life. Loneliness was what someone like him was meant for, there was only so much longer he could avoid it…

He could only hope the clock would continue ticking for a little longer, but at this point, he’d be lucky for another year.

---

“Oi.” He ignored the copy of himself already in the lake, glaring at him from over the side. “The hell’re YOU doing here?” Lilia tossed his stuff onto the edge, tearing off his pajamas. “Don’t you have your fancy claw-foot tub or whatever instead-”

“Could you keep your damn mouth shut for even five seconds?”

Even in his memory, he could never recall himself shutting up so fast. Well, except with her, but that was different. He missed those days… He wished he could forget them sometimes.

“... Haaah…” He stepped into the cool lake, completely submerging himself until only his nose barely rested above the surface, his hair floating lightly atop the surface.

“... I WAS here first, y’know…” Vanrouge grumbled, resting his elbows against the shoreline. “... So anyway, why’re YOU out here?”

“Does it matter?”

“Not really, but if you’re gonna intrude on MY spot, the least you could do’s give me an explanation.”

“Mm.” Realizing he’d get no actual answers, Vanrouge just rolled his eyes.

“Fine. Suit yourself.” He submerged himself similarly into the water, eyes closed in matching bliss…

Time seemed to pass by, yet unlike the busy days, there was a piece the darkness of night brought with it. The harsh sun wasn’t burning his skin, making him feel weaker than he already was, and there weren’t smiles and laughs to have, even if he wasn’t in the mood. He could just relax, and wallow in his own self-pity for just a moment… A luxury that had grown rare in recent years.

“... Nightmare, huh?” He shot a pointed look at his counterpart, before closing his eyes again. “Yeah. Figured as much. Same reason I’m out here.” Really, it was best to ignore the hot-tempered fool, but he had the strange need to defend himself.

“I simply wished for some fresh air.”

“If that was the case, you wouldn’t have gone all the way to the middle of nowhere for it.” … Well. Not much he could say there. “Be honest with me. Do you… Do you think there was something we could’ve done differently? Even just one small thing that would’ve changed everything?”

“... Well…” His heart ached, the freezing waters doing little to soothe its pain. “I must admit, I don’t enjoy thinking of such possibilities much.”

“So that’s a ‘no?’”

“An ‘I don’t know.’”

“... Hmph.” The trees swayed in the breeze, the only audience to their talk. “Another question.”

“Yes?” Vanrouge hesitated, as if afraid to ask.

“Have you… Fallen out of love with them?” It was nothing but a quiet whisper, the cool breeze threatening to sweep the words away with it. Had any other person heard those words, their true meaning would have gone missed, yet Lilia just smiled.

“Kehehe…” Of all things to ask, it was that, huh… “Of course not. I loved them once, and I will always love them. It does not change the fact that I also love [Name] now. Life is not some silly story where you have only one true love, you know?”

“... I see…” Vanrouge seemed to relax at that, sinking further into the waters.

“... You know~?”

“Shut it.”

“I always figured if anyone asked me for advice on romantic matters, it would be my son.”

“Don’t remind me about that…!”

“I will. He’s a wonderful child, why shouldn’t I be proud of that?”

“... You still haven’t told me who his parents are.” Lilia looked back towards the stars, which seemed to shine brighter than before. It reminded him of that day, when he found the poor child, afraid and alone… It was one of the few days of his youth where it felt like for once, he could say things would truly be alright…

“You already have an idea, don’t you?” The general frowned, but said nothing. Perhaps it was for the best… He was still immature, after all. One day he would understand. “... You know? It’s strange. I feel a lot better.”

“... Yeah. Me too.”

The rest of the night passed in silence, yet not a single one of them minded.

Chapter Text

Goodness, he was famished.

“Huuu…” He clutched his bass close, slinking onto the ground. He got so caught up in the groove that he hadn’t realized just how long ago it’d been since he’d had a snack, much less an entire meal.

“LILIAAAAAA…!!!” Kalim was immediately at his side, the poor child looking terrified. “SPEAK TO ME, SPEAK TO ME…!!!” He rolled onto his side, skin pale… Well, paler than normal, and closed his eyes.

“Kalim… It seems I am not long for this cruel world… Please… Make sure my bass is buried with me.”

“NO…! YOU CAN’T DIE!”

“... mleh.” He went completely limp, tongue lolling out the corner of his mouth.

“NOOOOOOOOO…!!!” Cater just snapped a pic of the sight.

“You know, Lilia’s totes right though. I mean, not only did we ACTUALLY practice for once, but like. We’ve been practicing for HOURS… I’m like. LITERALLY starving.” Kalim tried picking up the deceased member of their group, but the body refused to budge. It was as if he weighed more than fifty sacks of bricks, a strangely specific number, yet an unfortunately irritating one.

“C’mon Lilia…!” Not a sound came from him, nor a twitch of any muscle. “I mean, sure, it’s been a bit, but it hasn’t been THAT long, has it??” With timing so comical, it was cruel, Kalim’s own stomach growled in hunger. “... Okay, maybe it HAS been that long.”

“Li~liaaaa…!” Cater kicked the poor body. “Get up already!! We’re not dragging you all the way to Scarabia!!” … Nothing. “Ugh, seriously…?!”

“We can’t just LEAVE him here, Cater!”

“Uh, I think it would be the SMART idea to, actually…” Kalim rose to his feet, and rolled up his sleeves, before prying the red bass away from its player’s freezing grip.

“C’mon! We’ve got this!”

“Ka~limmy~ You’re enabling him~” He grabbed the man’s arm and hooked it over his shoulder. “... Seriously. He’s just gonna keep messing around like this if you let him.”

“No no, I got this!! Watch me!!” Making sure his grip was secure, he lifted him up. “N… Nnnhgn…!!” Even if the guy was actually pretty small, the lack of any assistant was surprisingly tough.

“You’re gonna drop him-”

“NO I’M N-AAAAAAAH!!!” With a thunk, Lilia’s body crashed onto the ground, head smacking right into a nearby amp.

“... Oh shit.”

“I DIDN’T MEAN TOO…!!!” Like usual, Lilia was so dedicated to the bit that he didn’t react. “DUDE, ARE YOU OKAY?!?!”

“HE HIT AN AMP, KALIM!”

“MAYBE NOT THAT HARD…!” They both dropped to their knees, rolling him over. Though he looked fine at first glance, Cater pressed a few fingers against the spot, finding blood on his fingers. “... Am I a murderer…?”

“... Uhhhh…” If he said the truth, then Kalim would cry, and then HE would have to deal with it, and he couldn’t even deal with his OWN mental breakdowns, so that was absolutely off the table. “He’ll walk it off.” There was a knock from outside. Immediately, the two sat up, and shoved Lilia face-forward again.

“Hey guys!” [Name] passed through the door, box of Tupperware in hand. Immediately, they looked at Lilia, who was still unmoving. “... Uh…”

“We’re just chill~in’~”

“I DIDN’T MEAN TO!!!”

“KALIM SHUT THE HELL UP!!!”

“... Guys.” Their blood ran cold at the cold tone. “What. happened.”

“... I… He… I didn’t…” Kalim furiously rubbed away the tears streaming down his face. “I just… I really didn’t mean to-” Realizing nothing would get explained at this rate, Cater just sighed and prepared for his impending death.

“Yeah so Lilia was totes faking being dead and when Kalim tried picking him up, he accidentally dropped him. Hit his head too.”

“... Wait, really?”

“Yes???”

“Oh. I just assumed it was something worse, honestly.”

“Like WHAT?!”

“I dunno ritual sacrifice?? NRC’s weird, man.” … On one hand, they were gonna live!! … On the other, now he had many questions, and was morbidly curious for answers that would never be answered. “Anyway, I got this, don’t worry, just scoot over.”

Kalim just wailed as he moved away, while Cater just raised his hands in surrender. [Name] moved the fae so his head rested on their lap and felt his neck for a pulse. They winced, making the two shudder.

“Wait, is he SERIOUSLY dead?!”

“OH SEVEN…!!!” Kalim’s voice reached a whole new pitch as he clutched his head in agony.

“YOU’RE FINE KALIM YOU DIDN’T DO ANYTHING!!!” He took a shaky breath.

“Really…?”

“Yeah he’s way too cold. I think he died like. Ten minutes ago.”

“... Oh… So I DIDN’T kill him!”

“HIGH FIVE, DUDE~!!”

“”YEAH~!!”” They were all smiles and grins… For five seconds.

“... WAIT, HE’S ACTUALLY DEAD?!?!”

“WHAT THE FUCK…?!” [Name] was completely unphased, popping open the lid of the container. Its contents? A mouth-wateringly savory serving of spaghetti.

“It’s fine guys, don’t worry.” They held it right before his nose. “It’s happens, you just gotta get him back. Sometimes he just gets carried away, you know?”

“NO.”

“WE DON’T KNOW, BESTIE.” His nose twitched, immediately latching onto the scent of roasted tomatoes.

“C’mon Lilia. Out of the Ghost Dimension with yee.” He took a few more tiny sniffs, horrifically stiff fingers beginning to twitch back with life.

“... Kalim?”

“Yeah, this is freaky…” One of his hands reached up, latching onto the tupperware with a vicious grip.

“... Unnnn…” Meatsauce spilled onto him with the act, making the already uncomfortable moment more gruesome. Clouded, ruby eyes blinked, looking right at [Name]. “Great Seven…?”

“IGNORE THEM.” At this point, Cater and Kalim just started slowly backing away towards the door. “SERIOUSLY LILIA. IF YOU DIE I’M GOING TO KILL YOU.”

“... My bass… Kalim… Didn’t bury my…” His eyes closed again. “... Bass…”

“WAKE UP, BASTARD!”

They just decided to get a head start to Scarabia, for their own sakes.

Chapter Text

Goodness, it was freezing… Even his warmest coat could only do so much against the bitter winds… Really, you KNEW it was bad if even students like Jack, immune to lower temperatures, even ACKNOWLEDGED it was cold. Understandably, a lot of students elected to say ‘fuck it,’ and stayed home. Really, the only reason he hadn’t done the same despite his aching joints was from worry. Yes, it had been quite some time since Ramshackle was remodeled, and had an AMAZING A/C system now, with quilts so lavish, that you could just sleep forever in them… And goodness, their heating pad!! He would put that bad boy directly on his SOUL, if he could… But… Well… It was, uh, always possible Grim got into a fit and damaged something! Yes, Grim…

His intentions definitely weren’t to mooch off Ramshackle’s amenities instead of his dorm’s. Why would someone as kind as him do that? (For just a moment, he sighed, realizing he sounded too similar to a certain deadbeat Headmaster.)

“... Hello~?” A single knock on the door. Unsurprisingly, there wasn’t an answer from behind. Simple enough, he just slipped out his personal key, letting himself in.

“HEY.”

“Oh…!” One of the ghosts immediately whipped around the corner, clutching it’s cloak taut to it’s body.

“CLOSE THE DANG DOOR, WHIPPERSNAPPER.”

“My apologies!!!” The glare upon him softened once the door was shut and locked, but didn’t lessen until the ghost completely faded out of existence.

“Kids these days…” Lilia could only laugh as he removed his snow-covered coat, and hung it onto the wall.

Much to his relief, his ‘worries’ seemed to be non-existent! The door was more than comfortable, a cozy heat that made him want to curl up on the floor and take a good nap, but… Well, he hadn’t checked on [NAME] yet… What if they, er… Had fallen, and couldn’t get up? Yes, he definitely had to check on them for safety reasons, nothing selfish at all.

Luckily for him, that didn’t take long at all. Right in the dorm’s lounge, they were fast asleep, blanket pulled taut around them, and familiar awkwardly crammed between their shoulder and the sofa. Before he knew it, his phone was out, and making sure the ringer was on silent, he snapped a pic. He had been looking for a new contact photo of them, and this would work splendidly~

(Not for his home screen wallpaper, though. That was reserved for a commission of Crimson Muscle he got. They understood, their wallpaper was of one of their ‘blorbos.’ Also commissioned.)

With that settled, he took a seat next to them. They shuffled a bit, smushing their face further into Grim’s body, despite the annoyed paw mindlessly bopping them. Lilia just smiled, giving them a gentle pat.

“Hello there, sleepyhead~” He booped their nose next, chuckling as their hand weakly smacked it away. “Someone looks cozy~”

“Mmghm…” They opened their eyes, looking completely and utterly exhausted. A thin trail of spit seeped down their lips, and their clothes were completely crinkled to the point you’d need at least three ironing sessions to get all the wrinkles out…

Truth be told, he was SEETHING in envy… To think he spent the past few hours miserably clutched in his bedsheets, multiple layers, and STILL freezing!!! Yet here they were, living the good life, while HE suffered in absolute misery…! Weren’t they lovers?! Ravens that weren’t dating according to historians?!

… There was only one way he could get revenge.

“Good morning, dear…~” Their eyes snapped open, watching as magic sparkled in the air with his smile.

“Lilia DON’T-” He pressed a freezing kiss right against their cheek, even putting some magic into it to make it EXTRA fresh. “WAH…!”

“What~?” More kisses. They tried scrambling away, but they were trapped between him and the still-unconsious cat. “You don’t like my tokens of affection~?” Clearly, there was only one other option…

“D-don’t…!” He just grinned as they felt the air grow colder the closer he came. “Lilia, please…!!!”

“HYAH~!” He latched on tight. Despite being horrifically cold, their shriek of terror made it all worth it…

Well, until there was a second shriek, or well. A squeak would be more accurate. (And a hiss.)

“OW…!!!” He hopped back. “DID SOMETHING BITE ME?!?!” He looked at Grim, but the familiar just shot him a glare, firmly latched onto [Name] for the warmth he’d lost.

“DON’T LOOK AT ME!!! LOOK AT HIM!!”

“HIM???” Something moved beneath [Name]’s jacket, and within moments, a tiny bat poked its head out. Despite how absolutely tiny it was, it’s glare alone was enough to kill a human man.

“... You have FIVE SECONDS before I kill you.” Lilia just rolled his eyes and grabbed the blanket.

“Anyway, scoot over, dear!! I’m freezing!!”

“HEY, DON’T YOU DA-MMFH…!!!” He just forced himself onto the couch, ‘ignoring’ the muffled screams of hated with a smile.

Chapter Text

I stared at him, and he pretended not to stare at me. Really, had I not known him so well, I wouldn't have known. I was just too used to the strange burn of his eyes on me.

“You know, if you need something, you can just say it.” Vanrouge just huffed.

“Don’t flatter yourself.”

“You’re the one who’s been paying so much attention to me.”

“... It’s because your tie’s crooked.”

“Sure it is.” I did fix it, though. If I didn’t, someone else would. “Now, is that all that’s bothering you, or am I just gonna have to leave until you swallow your pride and ask it later?”

“... Tch… Whatever…” At some point, he’d picked up his pen, and started mindlessly spinning it between his fingers. It hadn’t once fallen, and I couldn’t help but be impressed. “... What is your favorite meal?.”

“Why?”

“Just answer the question.”

“BananaBee’s~”

“Wrong answer.”

“Shame. Truly, it’s peak dining-”

“Enough about it already…!” The pen flew from his hand. “Ah…!” It clattered pitifully onto the floor, rolling surprisingly far. I watched silently as he left his seat, expression hidden as he plucked his pen back up. Luckily, they were durable, so not even a scratch was left despite the impact.

“You know, I really am fine with anything.” His pen was tucked away, and with it, he turned back to face me.

“Answer the question.” He leaned against the desk, hovering over me.

“I did. Anything’s fine.”

“Be more specific, idiot.”

“I can’t think of anything specific. It depends on my mood, honestly…”

“What about soup?”

“Oh, soup slaps.”

“What is your favorite soup, then?”

“How am I supposed to narrow THAT down??” He facepalmed.

“Amazing… You somehow manage to take the most mundane questions and make them migraine-worthy.”

“It’s a special skill of mine~” I leaned forward on my desk, face close to his. “... So~ What’s YOUR favorite food~?”

“Why does it matter-”

“Because you’re throwing a fit about ME not giving an answer.” He fell flat at that, knowing it was true. “... Now, if you’re asking because you wanna take me on a date tonight, I was thinking ramen sounded nice…”

“... Ramen.” I smiled, while he scowled. “You won’t change your mind?”

“Not unless you want me to~” Slowly, he reached into his pocket, and pulled out a map. His eyes examined it slowly, as if he’d rehearsed countless times, and yet still forgot everything.

“There is a shop on the other side of town.”

“Should I take that as an invitation, then?”

“... Hmph~” He tucked the map away, and left without another word, only a brief glance behind.

‘I won’t forgive you if you’re late.’

Oh, how tempting it felt risk it, but also… He really wouldn’t forgive me if I was… So instead, I just smiled and gathered my things. Knowing him, he’d show up early, so it’d be fun to see the look on his face when I’D be waiting for him~

Chapter Text

The second passed by the cafe sign, we both saw it. A beautiful, bright red smoothie, topped thick with cream and syrup for Valentine’s… But that’s not what mattered.

No… There was something far more important than that…

“... It comes with a silly straw, Lilia…”

“Indeed…” We immediately entered the establishment. “There’s no choice, really…”

“There’s not.”

“It’s limited time, as well.”

“What if we regretted it?”

“Exactly!” We took a seat in a booth near the back, snuggling close. “Oh, should we get lunch as well, since we’re here?”

“No, we should only do something small since we’re meeting up at the movies with the Music Club…”

“True… How about some fries, then?” I smirked. He knew me so well~

“Alright~ But with lots of ketchup, right~?”

“Hehe~” He gave a quick peck to my cheek, leaving a firm imprint of black lipstick on it.

“Hey…!”

“What~? Am I not allowed to be cute with my partner~?”

“N-no…! It’s just that your lipstick stains-”

“Can I take your order?”

“GYAH…!” I leapt back from Lilia, and frantically wiped my face. The server just waited patiently, completely dead inside.

“Oh, yes please!” Lilia just scooted closer to me, smushing his head against my shoulder with an innocent grin. “That Valentine’s smoothie with the silly straw, and some fries as well, would you?”

“(LILIA…!)” I tried slipping out, but he just latched on.

“Yes~?”

“(YOU’RE EMBARRASSING ME…!)” The server just rolled their eyes and wandered back to the kitchen. Finally, Lilia freed me from his clutches, but alas… It was too late. My ego was forever wounded…

“... You know…~” I shot him a half-hearted glare. “You look absolutely delightful right now~”

“... Uh…” I looked at myself, in a t-shirt and jeans. “Thanks…? I’m not dressed particularly nice, though?”

“Oh, your clothes are cute, yes, but I meant your face~” He slipped a pocket mirror to me. When I held it up, I found there was a giant streak of black right across my face.

“... AAAAAH…!!!” He pressed another grin right upon my cheek. “LILIA…!”

“I love you~”

“Nonono-” I tried holding him back, but he was too nimble…! “NO…!!!” He scattered kisses everywhere with a cruel grin, and I already knew not an inch could be left uncovered. “NO…!!!”

… Hopefully the soap in this place’s bathroom would be strong enough to get rid of all of this…

Chapter Text

“... Wake up, dear~”

“Mmghmhm…” I swatted the hand that booped my nose and rolled over in my sheets. Unfortunately, my desire to sleep, and even Grim’s obnoxious snores weren’t enough to deter the awful, cruel man. I just found my shoulder lightly shaken instead.

“Now, now, we’ll be late at this rate!”

“Lilia…!” I rolled back over and gave him a half-hearted glare. “I told you I’d THINK about going with you today…!”

“And you have not returned an answer, so I have elected to believe that you were so overwhelmed with your adoring affections to me, that you simply forgot to say yes~” … You know? The worst part about this was despite his stupid, smug grin, it unfortunately WAS kinda winning me over… “I’ll have you know; I went to bed at a respectable hour just for this! I could have been grinding matches with poor Gloomyrai all night… Oh… But they had to solo all by themself… You won’t let their struggle be in vain, won’t you?”

“... No.” I couldn’t let him win, especially after that excuse of a guilt trip. “You have fun. Besides, I don’t think Grim would-”

“Ah, ah…!” He pressed a finger to my lips. “HE shall be the judge of THAT.” Slowly, it moved to the familiar, and he carefully scratched right between his ears.

“... Mmrrph…?” I just closed my eyes, doing my best to get back to sleep. “What d’ya want…? It’s-” He glanced at the clock. Seeing it was SIX IN THE GODDAMN MORNING, Grim immediately smacked his hand away. “GO AWAY…!”

“Hear me out at least, won’t you?”

“HECK NO!!!” I pressed the pillow against my ears in a vain attempt to drown them out.

“Do you wish to join us for breakfast? My treat~”

“N-... Can I get whatever I want??”

“Of course.”

“... HENCHMAN!!!!!!” Little paws smacked against my side. “GET UP!!! HE’S PAYING FOR BREAKFAST AT… Actually, where’re we going??”

“IHOB.”

“HE’S TAKING US TO IHOB HENCHMAN, GET UP…!!!” I ignored them both, pressing the pillow harder against my ears. “I WANT WAFFLES, [NAME]...!!!”

“Oh my GOD, GUYS…!” I sat up. “We can get waffles LATER. Why do we need to get them RIGHT NOW?!”

“Because I’m HUNGRYYYY… MRWAAAAAAH…!!!” Lilia, knowing victory was assured, simply smiled.

“For the Early Bird Special, of course!” I grabbed my pillow and fluffed it a few times. I was planning on smacking him, but when I thought about it…

“... Wait…” He tilted his head, bangs cutely swaying with the motion. “I thought they stopped doing the Early Bird Special. Like. A long time ago.”

“... Pardon?” He whipped his phone out, rapid typing into the search bar. His face went completely pale in horror, phone dropping pitifully onto the bed. “A… Ah…”

“I’m sorry, dude…” Ever the drama queen, he fell onto his knees, face buried into the bedsheets.

“... The world is a cruel and unforgiving place…” Pitifully, he slowly slid down, until he laid in a pathetic heap on the ground.

“We can still go to IHOB, you know…”

“IT’S NOT THE SAME…!!!” He sobbed even louder than Grim, somehow… "I COULD'VE BEEN GAMING...!" Well. They’d be alright. I’d give it about five minutes before both of them remembered they were hungry and started badgering me again. That was five whole minutes to get some extra sleep in!

“Good night.” I rolled back over, ignoring their cries as I snuggled back into the sheets, perfectly cozy… Well. Until the door slammed open.

“COULD YOU TWO SHUT THE FUCK UP?!?!” Lilia and Grim stared at Vanrouge, before sharing a smile.

… That idiot just screwed us both…

Chapter Text

After a long, wretched day, I was finally back at Ramshackle… It was boring. SO boring. Grim had ditched me after school because he was getting stir-crazy, and honestly, if we had the luxury of not having an essay due tomorrow that Rook needed to proofread, I would’ve ran off into the sunset with him.  Alas, the Curse of NRC was that if I wasn’t responsible, someone would promptly go insane and destroy the entire place, so I tragically was forced to fight sleep as Rook sang poetry and praise with each bland phrase. 

It didn’t matter now. I just flicked on the lights, and tossed my bag aside.

“I’m ho-MMPH…!!!” A hand covered my mouth. It was freezing cold, yet weirdly damp. “MMPGH…!!!”

“Keep it down, idiot…!” The ghost looked absolutely terrified, smacking the lights back off. 

“Mmh…?!” I was slowly dragged back towards the door “Mm, mmh mghmmnm mm-”

“Y’aint safe here, kiddo…! The devil’s here…!”

“... Mh??” Lighting flashed outside, and suddenly, where no one had been in the doorway, Lilia now stood with a smile.

“Oh?” His smile was sadistic, not a single sparkle in those beautiful eyes once filled with nothing but love for the world. “Leaving so soon? Why, you just arrived~!”

Slowly, I looked at the ghost, and he looked at me.

“... WELL?!” He shoved me down the hall. “RUN, IDIOT!!! I’LL HOLD ‘IM-”

“SHYAH…!” … Well. Too late. I’d hardly made a few steps before The Bats had swarmed me.

“NO…!!!” I could hardly see my own hands as I stumbled through, flailing pitifully, and yet never once making contact with the creatures. “HAVE MERCY… PLEASE…!!!” Lightning flashed again outside, heavy rain clattering upon the windowsill. 

Malleus was there. Watching from outside.

“M… Malleus…!” I rushed over, smacking the poor glass. “HELP ME…!!!”

“... Hmph~” Motherfucker just SMILED as tiny hands grabbed my shoulders and pulled me further into the dorm. He said nothing, but mouthed his departing words…

‘Enjoy dinner! I know I shall…~’

---

“Surprise~!”

Oh dear god what the fuck was that.

“You’ve been SO tired lately, and well, as your cute and loving partner, I couldn’t sit back and let that happen!!!” He took a delicate sip of tomato juice, while my hand trembled with my own drink in grasp. “So I simply invited myself over and took over the kitchen for tonight~! Grim made quite a fuss about it, you know!” 

I looked over his shoulder. said familiar stood there, looking just as horrified about the contents of the table. The ghosts, too. Oh. This was awful.

“... Ahaha…” I resisted the urge to hold myself. “Thanks, Lilia…!”

“... So~?” He leaned over, a cute smile that signified my oncoming demise, yet in this specific case, I DID mind that, actually. “What shall we discuss first, mi amor~?”

… I needed to get out of this somehow.

---

• I looked down at my plate. For just a second, I had considered taking a single bite. That should appease him. That way, when he went home later, I could simply make midnight quesadillas for Grim and I… However… There were so many pixels, I couldn’t even tell what it was supposed to BE anymore…

         … I’m not eating that.

• “... Well, Lilia…” It wasn’t over yet. He was a rational man. “I’d actually promised Grim to take him to The Lounge today! I’m REALLY sorry, but-
  
  
  “You can simply go tomorrow, yes?”
  
  
  … Damn. Well, an attempt was made, I guess!

• I snuck a glance at Grim. He looked completely nervous. Well, he had an iron gut, he should be fine… Except, when I nodded my head towards the plate, he shook his head violently.

          Man… I really needed him to come through for me…

• Okay, it really looked like trying to run again would be my best choice. At least time, Grim was here, so that was extra firepower… Wait, FUCK, Malleus was probably still outside…! If he was here, that must mean he’s DETERMINED I join Lilia for dinner…! … That BASTARD!!! Using me as a scapegoat so he and the rest of Diasomnia could live it up off take-out and cafeteria food… I thought we were FRIENDS, DAMNIT-

          “You seem quite distracted, my dear…”

           I glanced at the ghosts, and they glanced out the window. Unfortunately, they nodded. He really was still there. As if mocking me, the lightning flashed outside again, a silent threat.

           “... Aha… ha…” 

           … I really was trapped…

---

… I was gonna die. I didn’t even get to play the new Splatoon DLC yet. Why were The Seven so cruel and unkind to those least deserving of it?

“... Mm, is it possible… That you’ve already eaten?” Oh my god he just gave me an opening.

“YES…!” I winced at my volume, and calmed myself, but made sure I looked like the most pitiful meow meow in the seven digital seas. “I didn’t wanna tell you, but I had a BIG lunch, and you know? You just looked SO excited…”

“... Ah.” He was feeling bad…! “I see… In my attempts to be kind, I forgot to consider your feelings… How cruel of me.”

“I really do appreciate it though~” I mean, would I have died if I ate a single bite? Yes, but at least I would have died from love. “How about we wrap up everything, and Grim and I can share it tomorrow?”

“Yes, that’s a lovely idea.” His face flushed lightly. “And I must say… The thought of you eating my cooking for lunch… Why, it’s getting me all riled up~! Perhaps I shall make a habit of it~! … Oh! I’ll need the boys to be taste-testers for me again!!!” I ignored the scalding glare on me from outside. Karma, bitch.

“It’ll be so much fun! I look forward to it!” Of course, now that I was aware of this possibility in the future, I could mentally and physically prepare myself for it. I WOULD eat the handmade lunch Lilia would make me, and that was a THREAT.

… For now… I was just glad this meal was avoided…

“... You know…” His eyes were lidded, a dreamy look to them. “It WOULD be rather romantic to still share a slice of cake, together…”

… There was a cake on the table…?

… Oh no…

Chapter Text

“Sebek.”

Before he even said a word, I grabbed his shoulders, fingers digging deep into his flesh.

“H-huh…?!” I took a deep breath. I needed to calm down. I needed to relax… I would choose violence later, but not right now. Right now, I need to focus.

“... I need you to do me a very, VERY important favor, no, a mission. I have a mission for you, and you CANNOT fail me. Do you understand me, Sebek?” He looked around, but somehow, not a single other soul was in the courtyard.

“W-why should I…?! Whatever it is, you should deal with it YOURSELF, human-”

“SEBEK.” Immediately, he shut up. “YOUR GRANDPA.”

“... What.”

“BAUL ZIGVOLT.” As if to mock me, my phone rumbled in my pocket again. “TELL YOUR GRANDPA TO STOP DM’ING ME ON MAGICAM.”

“WHY WOULD MY GRANDFATHER ‘DM’ YOU ON MAGICAM?!?!”

“DO YOU THINK I KNOW?!?!”

“... Wait…” Now HE gripped my shoulders. “HOW WOULD YOU KNOW IT’S MY GRANDFATHER-”

“BECAUSE HIS DAMN USERNAME’S ‘BAUL ZIGVOLT,’ AND HIS PROFILE PICTURE IS A FAMILY PHOTO, WHICH YOU’RE IN.”

“... Hmph.” He released me, and crossed his arms. “I don’t believe you.”

“UGH…!” I whipped out my phone, slapping it into his hands. Unsurprisingly, the second he saw the day-old account, he cried at the sight of the embarrassing holiday photo and the sweater he angrily wore in it. “GRANDFATHER…?!”

“NOW do you believe me…?!” It was passed back, and tucked back into my pocket.

“I didn’t know he had a MagiCam…! Why hasn’t he sent ME any messages?!”

“I don’t know, but he’s been sending me message requests MULTIPLE TIMES throughout the day, and if you don’t tell him to knock it off, he’s getting BLOCKED.” He gasped in horror.

“You WOULDN’T…!”

“He’s lucky I’m even hesitating.” Slowly, his own phone was taken out.

“... FINE. I shall call my grandfather.”

“Thank you.” I ruffled his hair. Despite everything, he was a good kid.

“HEY…!”

“I will buy you something from that burrito place in town for your assistance.” Suddenly, he didn’t care about his hair, and dialed the number even faster. The phone was pressed right to his ear, and finally, I felt like I could check my damn phone without seeing new message requests…

“... Hello?” A ‘HELLO?’ just as loud, if not louder than Sebek’s voice was on the other end. “Hello, grandfather. Yes, it is wonderful to hear from you as well… Hm?” I took a seat on a nearby bench. Checking my own phone, I saw a DM from Lilia. Opening it, it was an absurdly glittery bat gif. I quickly typed back with a smile.

‘It you!!’

‘It me, :^)’

“WHY ARE YOU TEXTING LILIA?!?!”

“GYAH…!” I covered my phone, the wrong choice, because my poor ears were ringing from lack of protection. “MIND YOUR BUSINESS, SEBEK…!”

“YOU ARE DOING IT RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME.”

“AREN’T YOU SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING A PHONE CALL?!”

“WELL-” There was muttering on the other end. “... Yes… Yes… Alright. Just a moment, sir.” He held his phone to me. “He wants to speak to you.”

“... Sebek.” I rubbed my eyes. “I literally asked YOU to talk to him, because I don’t want to.”

“DO YOU EXPECT ME TO SAY NO TO MY GRANDFATHER…?!” … Yeah. I should’ve seen this coming, actually.

“Ugh, hold on…” I quickly texted Lilia.

‘I am being forced to talk with Sebek’s grandpa. If I lose my hearing next time we meet, you know why.’

‘... ‘Baul Zigvolt?’

‘Yes, and I have no idea why.’

‘... Oh dear.’ I waited a bit, but he didn’t say anything more, so I just resigned myself to my fate, and held the phone a few inches away from my ear.

“... Hello-”

“YOU…!!!” Oh. This was still awful, actually. “I HAVE BEEN TRYING TO CONTACT YOU FOR HOURS!!!”

“I am well aware-”

“THEN WHY HAVE YOU IGNORED MY REQUESTS?!?!”

“Because I do not know you.”

“THAT IS IRRELEVANT.”

“It’s really not. Anyway, please stop messaging me-”

“WE NEED TO TALK.”

“We really don’t.”

“WHAT ARE-” Suddenly, the phone was gone from my hand.

“... Huh?” Lilia was speed-walking away from us, phone pressed right against his ear.

“For Seven’s sake, Baul…! What in Twisted Wonderland is going on?!” Sebek and I just shared a confused look as he paced from the other side of the courtyard, having a heated discussion with the man on the other end.

“... You know?” Not having anything better to do, he took a seat on the bench next to me. “I’ve only talked to him for like. Five seconds, but you are absolutely his grandkid.”

“You really think so…?!” I watched him fight for his life not to grin like an idiot. “I-I mean… Of course I am! Who else’s grandkid would I be?!”

“I know! It’s still pretty neat, though.” Even from here, we could faintly hear Baul’s voice. “... I still have no idea why he wants to talk to me, though…”

“Neither do I. There’s nothing remarkable about you in the slightest. Surely there must be a misunderstanding.”

“I will ignore how rude that statement was.”

“What was rude about it???” Suddenly, Lilia fell to his knees, covering his face with a single hand.

“... Hey, so, do you have the ridiculous hearing too, or…” He sighed. “Hey, I don’t either. I ain’t about to judge you.”

“I know…”

“It’s overrated, anyway.”

“... You think so?”

“Yeah!”

“I see…” Finally, Lilia hung up. Looking as if he’d crawled out of the trenches, he passed Sebek’s phone back to him.

“Apologies for taking your phone, Sebek. Baul would like to speak with you again.”

“Ah…!” It was pressed right back against his ear, and as he politely chatted with him again, Lilia flopped on the bench next to me, rubbing a crease that’d formed right between his eyebrows.

“... You good…?” He forced a tired smile.

“Of course, [Name]. We just had a little chat, is all.”

“... I see…”

… Well… I wasn’t about to pry if he didn’t want to share.

---

He’d pressed the phone right against his ear. First mistake.

“For Seven’s sake, Baul…! What in Twisted Wonderland is going on?!” The man on the other end wasted no time responding.

“GENERAL-I mean, Lilia…!!!” His ears rang, and already, he knew they’d ache by the end of this. “HOW WONDERFUL TO HEAR FROM YOU!!! NOW, IF YOU COULD DEMAND [LAST NAME] TO SPEAK WITH ME-”

“WHY?!?!” Second mistake. Too vague.

“I MUST KNOW THEIR INTENTIONS WITH YOU.” … Huh. Right to the point for once. Only one mistake, then. Even so, it was an unfortunate answer.

“... Let me get this straight.” He rubbed his eyes. “You are messaging my partner to demand they explain their reasons for being a relationship with me.”

“Correct.”

“... THAT’S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS, BAUL!!!”

“I-I AM AWARE, BUT-”

“BUT WHAT?!”

“I just worry, you know…!!!”

“... Haaaah…” He was exhausted, all of a sudden. If he knew this was going to happen, he wouldn’t have told him about [Name] during their Zkype call last night…

“You’ve sounded tired recently, and acting more secretive than usual… You may be able to hide it from others, but it’s… Infuriating, knowing even now, you’re trying to hide it from me as well…!”

“Baul.”

“I won’t sugarcoat it. I don’t want to see you hurt again, Lilia! I understand your current romantic relations are none of my concern, but as your…” He hesitated. “... As your friend, am I not allowed to be concerned about your recent behavior?!

“... Thank you, Baul.” It was all he could think to say. If he was a different person, maybe he’d know how to actually alleviate the man’s feelings, but he wasn’t. Unfortunately, he knew the other was aware of that. “But I can assure you, I shall be fine.”

“Will you promise me that?”

“... Ahaha…” His heart ached. “You should visit. I’m sure Sebek would love to see you. Silver and Malleus, too.”

“Lilia.”

“I could introduce you to [Name], as well. They’re rather sweet, I assure you. The boys may not say it, but I know they love them. I’m sure by the end of the visit, they’ll love you, as well.”

“Promise me.”

“... I…”

“... Please.” His hand trembled.

“... We should get drinks together.” The other end was silent. “It may not be the Briar’s mead, but it’d be nice. Just the two of us. Like old times.”

“... Will you talk to me then?” The phone was heavy in his hands. It would be easier to lie, but he couldn’t do that.

Not to him.

“... I can’t promise that. You know I can’t. Will you still consider my offer?” The disappointed sigh was like a knife in his chest.

“I shall call you in the evening. Is that amenable to you?”

“Of course. I look forward to it, Baul.”

“Thank you. Now, may you pass the phone back to my grandson?”

“Of course.”

… He really was tired, now…

---

… It was another message request. From Baul. Really, I honestly should just block him at this point, but for some reason, I found myself accepting it this time.

“What are you doing?” Feeling one of my hands leave his hair, Lilia opened a single eye from where he lay in my lap. He’d just shown up a few minutes ago, and immediately latched onto me. Hell, we didn’t even make it up the stairs. We just crashed onto the couch together.

He still hadn’t said anything. I still wasn’t going to pry. If he was feeling this vulnerable, much less at two in the morning, I’d be there for him first, and we could talk about it later.

“I got a DM.”

“Mm.” He snuggled closer, closing his eyes again. “Answer it quickly, please.”

“I will, I will.” I still had to wait for the actual message to be sent. As minutes passed, I combed through his choppy locks, his quiet, content clicks strangely soothing. I even felt my eyes begin to grow heavy, when a giant block of text finally appeared on my screen. Most of it seemed like filler, so I speed-ran through, until I reached the very end.

‘... Now, as Lilia’s partner, do I have your consent to take him on a date during my trip in the next two weeks?’

“... Uh…” Now both of his eyes opened. “Hey so. I wasn’t going to ask anything, but-”

“Is it Baul again?” I passed him the phone. He sighed, quickly reading the screen. “... GWUAH…!”

He bolted up, face completely crimson even to the tips of his ears.

“IDIOT…! I MEANT AS FRIENDS!!!” I’d never seen him type so fast, even during RPG raids.

“... You know if you want to though-”

“DON’T ENABLE HIM!”

“I’M JUST SAYING…!” He just hid his face in shame… I didn’t even know there was a side of Lilia like this, and I couldn’t exactly say I hated it…

“... Wait.” I looked at the phone, then him. “... IS HE YOUR FUCKING EX???”

“OF COURSE NOT!!!” … Yeah. Okay. There was something going on here, and I was NOT gonna unpack it tonight.

This was Future Me’s problem.

Chapter Text

“Oi-”

“FUCK…!!!” He’d barely ducked in time, the bottle of bubble solution flying right over his head instead.

“WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT FOR?!”

“YOU FUCKING SCARED ME, IDIOT…!”

“I DIDN’T EVEN DO ANYTHING!”

“YOU DIDN’T EVEN KNOCK!!!”

“I-ugh, it ain’t important…!” I sunk further within the absurd mass of bubbles I soaked in, hoping to disappear. “Do you know where that mayo stuff for sandwiches is?”

“... Why???” He rolled his eyes, as if it were the dumbest question in the world.

“Cause I wanna TRY it, obviously.”

“Yeah, I GET that. But WHY???”

“Overheard someone talk about it. Sounds horrible, yet I’m intrigued.”

“... Oh.” I closed my eyes and relaxed again. “If it’s not in the pantry, it should be in the fridge.”

“Mm.” He closed the bathroom door behind him. If it’d been earlier since his arrival, I would’ve been more concerned about leaving him unattended in the kitchen, but he’d gotten more accustomed to things… Though, he still didn’t trust printers. (We had to buy a new one after the old one made a funny noise, and he immediately smashed it with his cleaver.) If nothing else, it was just a sandwich. It was hard to mess that up-

“Hey.” I sat up, shooting another glare at him. In one hand was two slices of bread, and seeing the ungodly amount of mayo threatening to drip out of it, I felt sick. He looked at it, mindlessly chewing. “You humans eat this stuff? It’s awful.”

“YOU’RE NOT SUPPOSED TO USE THAT MUCH…!”

“Eh?” I started to get up, but instead, took a deep breath, and sat back down. I wanted this bath. It was fine. He could figure it out. I knew he could.

“... Okay, so like.” He reached for another bite. “QUIT IT.”

“Alright, alright…! Damn…” Death was at my doorstep. This was awful.

“Okay, so like. Mayo is like. A SAUCE. You’re only supposed to use a little bit on the bread, and THEN you put in other fillings.”

“... Ahhh…” He stared at it; eyebrows knit in confusion. “So it ain't like those ‘peanut butter and jellies.’”

“Nope. That’s like. An exception when it comes to sandwiches.”

“I see. Thank you.” He left again.

“... Geez…” … Well. The water was still warm, at least. If nothing else, I still had the entire afternoon, so I could find other ways to relax if it got too cold-... “Suddenly… I have a strange feeling I need to go downstairs…”

… No… It was fine…

… It was FINE.

… Well, I ended up grabbing my bathrobe anyway and running down the stairs.

“VANROUGE?!”

“WHAT?!” I skidded to a stop at the kitchen entrance. He was still eating the mayo sandwich.

“QUIT IT!!!”

“Wh-” I snatched it from his hands and threw it away. “OI! MY FUCKING SANDWICH-”

“I DON’T CARE!!! EAT A PROPER ONE.”

“IT’S A WASTE OF FOOD!!!”

“I JUST SAID I DON’T CARE!!!” He just raised his hands in surrender. “Listen to me.”

“I’m listening.”

“Bread.”

“Bread.”

“THIN layer of mayo.”

“We ain’t got any more.”

“... What.” He pointed to the table, where an empty jar lay. “... YOU USED THE ENTIRE JAR???”

“I now know that was a mistake.”

“... UGH, it’s fine just. Listen to me.” I grabbed his shoulders. “In the back of the fridge is a fancy sandwich spread. You will use some. You WILL put it back, and hide it, so Grim does not find it.”

“Got it.”

“Good. Then you add stuff like meat, cheese, and veggies to your liking.”

“... So... Like normal sandwiches.”

“YES. Human sandwiches are not different from fae sandwiches at all.”

“You guys just use mayo for some god forsaken reason-”

“Can I return to my bath, Vanrouge.”

“Never said you had to stop it. That was YOUR choice.” I released him, and slowly backed away from the kitchen. When no effort to stop me was made, I quickly made my way back upstairs, and back to the tub. Dipping my toe in, it was cold…

“... Damnit…!” I should just give up, but I wanted my bath…!

With no other option, I began the slow and arduous process of draining the tub so I could refill it again.

“I forgot to ask-” He recoiled as my head whipped 180 degrees to face him.

“... What, Vanrouge? What is it you forgot to ask?” I swear to god if he asked about horseradish next or something I would kill him.

“For Seven’s sake, I was just gonna ask if you wanted a sandwich too…!”

“... Oh!” I took a moment to turn the faucet on once it’d drained, and checked the temperature. “Yeah, that’d be sweet, thank you. You wanna join me for a bath while we’re at it?”

“Well… I have nothing better to do, so I suppose there’s no harm…”

Despite his tone, he left the room with a skip in his step.

Chapter Text

“Oi, I’m ba-what the hell…?” Vanrouge looked at Lilia, who lay dramatically dead on the ground, soaking wet. “... Yeah, fuck this-”

“HYAH!!!”

“Nope.” A barrier blocked the blast of water with ease. “I’m staying out of this.”

“No you’re not.” I took a step closer, water gun held close in case he tried to steal it. “We have equality in this house. If he gets soaked, YOU get soaked.”

“How the hell does that equal EQUALITY…?!”

“It just does so accept your fate already, Vanrouge.”

“Like I said, HELL NO. If you two wanna act like jackasses, fine by me, just leave me out of it-” From the ground, a hand snatched his ankle. “OI…!” Lilia didn’t say anything else, he was dead, after all. “Don’t you DARE-”

“[NAME] USED HYDRO PUMP!!!” A giant blast of water shot out, slamming right against his chest, splashing everywhere.

“OW…!!”

“IT’S SUPER EFFECTIVE!” He did his best to block most of the assault with his arms, but unfortunately, it just made things worse, if anything.

“I-IDIOT…!!!” He looked like a soaked rat at this point, unable to escape the shackle on his foot. “I SAID CUT IT OUT…!!!”

“... Okay!” Finally, the storm ceased. “I got other people to assault, so Lilia if you could just keep him pinned for a little longer-” Suddenly, he was freed. “... Oh, you son of a bi-”

“GIVE ME THAT.” The water gun was snatched from their arms, and now they were looking down the barrel.

“V-VANROUGE…!” They scrambled back, meeting the wall of Ramshackle. “Please… Know kindness in your heart… Show mercy on this poor, unfortunate soul-”

“Nope.” He pulled the trigger.

“GYAH…!!” The water was ice cold. “WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS?!”

“Yeah yeah, just be glad I ain’t dumping the whole tank over your head.” Instead, he unscrewed it, and poured it directly over Lilia’s, smirking at the violent hiss that followed.

“WHAT DID I DO TO YOU…?!”

“Exist.” The water gun was tossed to the side, and with it, the General headed towards the door. “Now, if you ACTUALLY need me for something, I’ll be in the woods behind campus.

“W-wait, Vanrouge-”

“Let me rephrase that, actually. DON’T ask me for anything.” Both of them scrambled to their knees.

“At least take the back door…!”

“You think I’m a fucking idiot?! There’s probably some trap back there…!”

“Nonono we’re being DEAD serious-”

“I’M NOT FALLING FOR IT. Now, if you’ll EXCUSE ME-” He slammed open the front door. An entire waterfall’s worth of water crashed down on him, slamming him to the ground.

“... aaaaaaAAAAAAAAAA…!!!” Lilia and [Name] covered their mouths in horror. “WHICH ONE OF YOU FUCKERS DID THAT?!” Slowly, they both pointed towards the roof.

Looking up, he saw Malleus Draconia with a smug face.

“... Alright. That’s it.” He cracked his knuckles and went back inside. “I’m killing you both.”

“”IT WAS ONLY SUPPOSED TO BE A BUCKET…!!!””

[Name] didn’t make it very far. Neither did Lilia.

The only one free that day was Malleus, who cackled uncontrollably from the top of Ramshackle.

Chapter Text

“... NYAAAAAGH…!!!” Grim flopped onto The Lounge floor. Had it been busy, Azul would’ve thrown a fit, but it was practically dead. He just walked around the familiar and took a seat at a nearby table, opening up a binder chock-full of papers. “WHEN THE HECK IS [NAME] COMIN’ BACK?!?!”

“As they said, Grim,” He opened a pencil pouch, and organized his pens in a perfectly neat line. “They’ll come back after their interviews today.”

“I’VE BEEN STUCK HERE FOR HOURS, THOUGH…!”

“How do you think I feel…?!”

“Nyeh?”

“Nothing. Now quite down so I can focus on my-” A body practically threw himself into the other side of the booth. “... Haaah… Work…”

“Hey. Hey. Azul.” Floyd slammed his own papers onto the table, the impact shaking everything out of alignment. “Help me with my damn taxes. There’s a bunch of confusing new shit that’s pissing me off.”

“Floyd, could you at least wait until-” Grim peered over the table, staring right at the papers. Both of them quietly slid them to the other side of the table. “... As I was saying, wait until I’M done with mine, at least?!”

“Nah. I want my money.”

“AND YOU THINK I DON’T???”

“What money…?!” Grim leapt right where the papers had been without warning.

“Ah…! Hey! Off the table!!!”

“NO!!!” Grim was promptly ignored, and scooped right up. “WHAT MONEY?! I WANT MONEY…!” Azul was feeling merciful, at least, putting him onto the seat instead of the ground. The second Grim smushed himself close to snoop through, he regretted that decision. “Seriously, what money?? Is it a holiday or something~?!”

“Tax season.” Floyd huffed. “In the Coral Sea they just do this shit for you. Up here though? They make you do it YOURSELF, and then if something goes wrong, YOU get punished for it!!! They already know the damn numbers, why ain’t THEY telling ME?!”

“Now, now, Floyd.” He took the other’s form, knowing it was just easier this way. “We both have UU-2s. It’s not complicated-”

“IT COULD BE EASIER THAN SCRAMBLING AN EGG AND IT’D STILL BE TOO COMPLICATED…!”

“YEAH~!!” The House Leader rolled his eyes at their childish behavior. “... Wait, so… Why not just… NOT pay your taxes-”

“”ARE YOU INSANE?! (A FUCKING IDIOT…?!)””

“NYAGH…!” Even the mere suggestion of it made the two break into a cold, terrified sweat.

“... Hahaha… Look, Grim…” He placed a gentle hand on his shoulder. “There are many things in the world you can get away cutting corners with, I would know! You know how much I love money… But taxes? Oh, no no no no~”

“Yeah, y’know, there was a bigshot crime lord in the Coral Sea a long time ago, did all this vile shit, and you know what they got him for??” Grim sunk in his seat, the eerily serious students far scarier than any Overblot so far.

“...W… Was it for not doin’ his taxes…?”

“Correct~! Now, if HE couldn’t get away with it, then what makes you think WE COULD?!?!”

“WHY YOU GETTIN’ MAD AT ME?! DO I LOOK LIKE SOME MATH NERD TO YOU?!?!”

“Nah, you look more like lunch, honestly.”

“YEAH! LISTEN TO THAT GUY, AZUL~!!” Floyd smirked, licking his lips. “... Wait, say that again-”

“Ahaha~ Chow Time~!!” In a flash, the cat was yanked from his seat. “CHOMP!!!” Floyd bit his ear, not enough to actually hurt, but Grim thrashed in his grip regardless.

“NYAAAAAGH…!!!” He reached for Azul, only managing to snatch his hat, which flew off his head with ease. “HEY, IDIOT, YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO BE WATCHING ME…!!!”

“... Haaaah…”

Azul just ignored them both, seeing an opportunity to finally focus on the paperwork in front of him.

---

… Not a single offer. Most of them were either already filled, ridiculous lowballs, or bad vibes… If nothing else, I was lucky enough that I didn’t NEED a job, and worst case scenario, I could take Azul’s offer for a job, but I also REALLY didn’t want to work at The Lounge if I could help it… That being said, I was running out of options. Sage’s Island was only so big, and my credentials were atrocious for obvious reasons.

At this point, between the Headmaster’s lack of caring, and my own feelings, I’d… Kinda accepted I was never getting back home, even if I’d wanted to. The sooner I started building a savings, the sooner I could look into options outside of Sage’s Island, and the sooner I could disappear. Not that I wanted to, but… Well, even if Crowley ended up being kind enough to let me stay after Grim graduated, I would be stuck on this campus, watching everyone I’ve befriended move on in their lives, their NORMAL ones, while I would be stuck in place.

Forever.

“... God damnit…” I checked my phone. There was one last interview for the day. I was surprised my application even got a response, honestly, especially as enthusiastic as it was. After today though, I really was expecting nothing. “... Maybe I’ll get a drink after this…”

Of course, it would have to be after, as I said. I took a deep breath, and looked up at the small beachside restaurant, completely out of the way. Hell, if I didn’t have the very explicit instructions, I probably would’ve been wandering for hours by the boardwalk trying to find it.

“Alright…!” I placed my hand on the knob. “Let’s do this thing…!” I held myself high, and forced the door open before my anxiety could act up.

“... Hm?” Immediately, it launched back into me. A table of three absolutely giant dudes in crisp suits and scars stared right at me.

“... U… Uh…” One of them rose from their seat and approached, his shadow easily covering me. “H-hello…!” He leaned close, glaring right into my own eyes. I could feel my knees tremble, realizing I must’ve walked into the wrong place, and now I was gonna die, and I didn’t even get to have Pity Margaritas with Lilia later-

“Say…” He reached into his coat pocket. Oh god. Here it comes. He was gonna pull out a wand and send me to the Shadow Realm... That or a knife. “You’re the one who applied for the side gig, ain’t cha?”

“... Ah…?” He whipped out a pair of glasses, and nestled them awkwardly onto his crooked nose. He blinked a few times, and immediately, it was like a complete 180 of his intimidation factor. I mean, he was STILL incredibly terrifying, but at least now there was a kindness to his eyes that made it feel like I wasn’t about to get dropped into the ocean in cinder block heels. “... Oh! Yeah-er, yes! I’m the one who answered the Greg’s List ad…!” Immediately, the other three crowded around me. One was tall and lanky, with all manners of piercings, and the other was… Actually pretty normal-looking!

… Ah. I’d been judging these guys based on their appearances alone…! What was wrong with me?!

“I’m [First] [Last Name]! It’s nice to meet you!” I held my hand to it, and he eagerly took it. It was a strong shake, roughened calluses almost threatening to scrape my skin, but extremely gentle and kind.

“Willis! The pleasure’s all mine!” Two more hands were held to me, and I shook them both, one incredibly tattoo’d to high-hell, save the palms, and the other… Well, perfectly normal!

“Guts’ the name!” I shook the inked one, and then the other.

“Hull. Truly is a pleasure!”

“Likewise!” I took a seat at the table with them. The game of Go Fish they’d been immersed in was quickly brushed aside, and all their attention was on me.

“So!” Willis took out a notepad. “What caught your interest about our little establishment, here?”

“Well, I noticed it was a part-time position that worked well with my hours!”

“I see, I see…” His handwriting was flawless, the true epitome of elegance. It was clear a lot of time and effort had been put into it. “Afternoons or nights, right? You got another job?”

“Ah, no, I’m a student.”

“Ah, wonderful!” He jolted it down with the rest. “An education’s important, you know?”

“Yeah, yeah!” Hull snickered. “Guts could use more of one.”

“Oi~!” We all laughed, and I just… Knew. This was it. If I could land this interview, then this would be a great job to tide me over until I found something more stable, or the season was over.

“... Ah, I had a question, actually!”

“Yeah?”

“When I saw the location would only be open for a year, I expected a stand or kiosk, but this is a fully furnished restaurant… Do you mind me asking why that’s the case?”

“Oh, that? Haha!” He wrote my hours down, and flipped to a new page. “We’re just testin’ the waters for now, seeing if it’s actually profitable first. Our boss is considering a few more establishments in other places, but we felt Sage’s Island was a good start, since it’s so small… That’s why it’s only a year!”

“Ahh, I see, and closer to the end you’ll get the call on whether to continue or not?”

“Exactly!” … Yeah! That made sense! Their boss must’ve been pretty well off to even be able to test the waters so casually, though… But I didn’t have time to dwell on it. Someone knocked on the kitchen door.

“... Hello~?” Immediately, they all perked up.

“DORIS~!”

“C’mon in!”

“Y’know y’aint gonna knock, ma’am!” The kindest and most sweetest older lady I have ever seen stepped through, perfectly balancing three dishes in her arms. Seeing me, her eyes widened.

“Now who is this…?!” She rushed over, practically throwing the plates down to approach me. “You boys didn’t tell me you were having a friend over!!!”

“We also didn’t say you had to make lunch, dear!”

“We appreciate it, though!”

“Yeah yeah!” I held my hand to her with a smile.

“Hello, I’m [Na]-MMH…!” She grabbed my face, fingers smushed right into my cheeks as she examined me.

“Wow… You have REALLY strange eyes. I don’t think I’ve seen anything quite like them…!”

“Aan Ou…?”

“Your teeth, too…! They’re so strange… OH!!!” I was freed, and resisted the urge to rub my face. Her grip was STRONG. “Look at us!! It’s like a little party here!! … Ah, but your friend-”

“It’s the interview we had scheduled today, remember Doris?” I watched this woman physically bluescreen for five seconds.

“... THE INTERVIEW!!!” She snatched my shoulders, staring right into my eyes.

“WAH…!”

“You’ll take it, right?!” She shook me with such excitement, I could feel my bones turn to jelly. “You’ll take the job offer, right?! We pay well, and I would really appreciate the company…!”

“Now, now, Doris, you’re startling the poor thing!” By the time Willis pulled her away, I could barely see straight.

“Oh, you’re right…. YOU’RE the one I need to worry about!!!” Now she grabbed his shoulders and got shaking. “You’ll hire them, right?! They’re just so sweet…!”

“Yes, yes, we were planning on that! Just wanted to get all the formalities out of the way.” Immediately, I snapped back into attention.

“Wait, what?!” They all clapped.

“You got the job!!!”

‘NO WAY…!!!” Doris tackled me into a hug. “LOOK AT YOU! WAY TO GO… Uh…” I held my hand out again on instinct.

“[First] [Last Name].” She excitedly shook it.

“[LIRST] [FAST NAME]!!!”

I didn’t bother correcting her. She was so genuine in her excitement that I couldn’t be bothered to.

---

The second I stepped into Ramshackle, I took a deep breath, and flicked the lights on.

“SURPRISE~!!”

“Did you bring food?” I rolled my eyes at Grim. “What?! It’s an important question…!” Much to his relief, I held up a bag of take out. “NYAH HAH~!!” I popped that bad boy open and passed him a styrofoam box. At the scent of fish, his pupils blew wide.

“IS THAT TUNA…?!”

“You know it, buddy~!”

“AW YEAH~!!” Lilia gasped as I passed a box to him.

“And to think I was under the belief I’d be treating you to pity margaritas tonight after your messages!” He popped it open, immediately blasted with a sinfully savory smell.

“Shoot, I forgot we were going to do that…!” He just chuckled, taking a bite of his red snapper, the tips of his ears flushed pink.

“No worries, [Name]... Now, is it safe to assume there’s good news~?”

“Yep~!” I took a seat between them on the couch. “Starting next week, I’ll be working part time at a seafood place in town! They actually showed me around the place and even taught me some stuff since I was free the rest of the afternoon!”

“How wonderful!”

“Right?? I actually helped make everything! … But also sorry again for forgetting our plans-”

“As I said, no worries, dear! We can always go later! If anything, I’m just delighted to hear everything went well!” He took a moment, shoving another mouthful of snapper into his mouth. “ Besides,I don’t think I’ve had fish this delicious since… Well, actually… I can’t even remember! How could I possibly complain about that~!” Seeing him chow down, my ego was being stoked… While I had gotten better at cooking from Masterchef, thinking about it, this was the first time he’d actually eaten any of my cooking! Usually, I was (unfortunately) the one doing the eating!

“Hey, hey, Henchman~!!” Grim held up his now empty to-go box. “Make me some more~!!”

“Wh-you already finished…?!”

“How could I NOT!? It was too good~!! … So make me more!!!”

“Nope.”

“NYAGH?!” He started reaching for my own.

“NO.” I held it out of reach.

“BUT I’M HUNGRY…!!!” He made pitiful grabby hands.

“SO AM I, GRIM.” He started crawling on, so I had to leave the couch. “LILIA!! HELP ME…!” He looked at the familiar, and back at his own food.

“I’m sure you’ll be fine~”

“BASTARD…!”

Oh god he was climbing my slacks now…! NOOOOO…!!!

---

It’d been about half a year of working at ‘The Snuggly Gully,’ and things were going super well! It wasn’t actually busy most of the time, so most of it, I was either learning new dishes with Miss Doris, or just chilling and studying at one of the tables. The rare time someone did come in, they were either in-and-out, or ordered almost the entire menu, so it canceled out.

“Miss Doris… I have a question.”

“Yeah?” It was one such day. A huge group of foodies had come in, and took notes with each dish they tried, stars in their eyes. Yeah, it was delicious, but it raised a question. We weren’t the only seafood place on Sage’s Island, not by a long shot, but they seemed awfully excited for us in particular… There was only one reason I could think of.

“Are you guys merfolk, by any chance?” She stopped scrubbing the plate she was washing, and checked the elbow-length gloves she wore. Not a single speck of water had touched her skin.

“How could you tell?! … I was being so careful, too…”

“Oh, I just wondered, since we’ve been selling tons of seafood dishes I’ve never heard of! I’m actually classmates with a few at school, too!”

“Really?!”

“Yeah! They run the restaurant on campus, actually!”

“Well, would you look at that! I’d have never guessed there were other merfolk on Sage’s Island! Not a lot of us tend to come up here, you know?”

“I’ve heard! What made you guys decide to bring the business on-shore, then?” She froze. “... Miss Doris?” She knocked on her head.

“I’ve got it.”

“Take your time.”

“Thank you. Uhhhhhhh…” About a whole minute passed, before she sighed. “I got nothing.”

“You’ll remember eventually!”

“Probably! … So what were we talking about-”

“My classmates-”

“YOUR CLASSMATES!!!” She started snatching ingredients out of the pantry. “You should invite them over!! Here, actually, let’s make something for them too! I’m sure a taste of home will be just the thing to convince them~!”

“Are you sure?” I could already tell we were making ceviche, so I went to the Walk-In for shrimp. “Not gonna lie they’re lowkey awful-”

“Oh, it’ll be FINE~ … Oh! Bring that boyfriend of yours you’ve mentioned too!”

“Not Lilia…!”

“Yes, yes!! You said he loved the snapper, right?!”

“Still, it’s embarrassing…!”

“Oh shush! We’re family, you know~” My heart pounded at her words. “... [Name]?”

“... Family…?” I… Hadn’t been expecting that. Sure, I couldn’t lie, I’d genuinely loved my time at ‘The Gully,’ but that was such a serious word…

“Of course!” She smiled, grabbing my shoulders. “We may not have known you for long, but you’ve been such a delight, it’s like we’ve known you for years! The others may not say it, but I know they feel just the same way.”

“... I…” I cursed myself, feeling a stupid smile creep up. “T-thank you, Miss Doris… I mean that.” It’d been so long since I felt like I had any emotional connection outside NRC that… Well, part of me said this was a bad idea, getting attached, but for once, I’d ignore it.

I should be allowed to have even ONE nice thing outside of it.

---

“Oi, Flapjacky.”

A plastic tub of ceviche was slammed right next to Lilia’s lunch. He looked up, seeing that not only Floyd, but Jade were towering above him.

“Yes? May I help you boys?”

“You may.” They each sat, completely boxing him in at his seat. “Tell us… Where did [Name] get this ceviche?”

“Why should I answer that?”

“Because it’s sus as hell!!” He popped open the tub, shoving it closer to him. “I mean, seriously…! Get a look at this shit!!!”

“... Well!” Lilia made a show of examining every nook and cranny. “That certainly is ceviche!”

“Allow me to elaborate.” Jade closed the container. “There are ingredients in this ceviche that are almost unheard of on the surface… Not only that, but the taste is familiar.”

“Too familiar. Whoever made this stuff’s from the sea, for sure.”

“And this is my concern, how?” They both checked around, before leaning close.

“We ain’t see a single other merfolk on Sage’s Island…”

“If they own a restaurant, surely AZUL should have known about this, and us as well. Does that not sound concerning to you?”

“I see…” His expression turned grim, before he looked back at the two. “Have you considered… That Azul has ‘fallen off,’ as they say~?” Before Floyd could smack the 3rd year, Jade stopped him.

“Vanrouge. You know that is unlike him.”

“Oh, I’m well aware~ Nothing wrong with a little light teasing now, is there?”

“We’re being SERIOUS, dumbass…! This is-” A new presence arrived at the table before Floyd could continue.

“Hey guys-uh.” [Name] took one look at him. “... Is this a bad time-”

“Of course not.”

“Have a seat, dear~” Lilia patted the spot next to him, but Floyd brewing in his own hatred and misery made them reluctant… They just smiled, and took a single step further.

“Oh, it’s fine… I just uh, came to invite you guys somewhere quickly, before Grim finds out.” Floyd immediately shot up.

“Are you FINALLY gonna go see a horror movie with me-”

“Absolutely not.”

“THEN I AIN’T INTERESTED.” He went right back to sulking, even putting his arms over his head this time.

“... Anyways… For the rest of you, oh, and Azul too,” a few slips with addresses were passed to each of them. “My manager invited you guys over! She’s Merfolk too, so she thought it’d be neat to meet others on the surface-”

“I’M GOIN’.” Floyd snatched the slip so fast it tore in half, and immediately went back to sulking. Again. (Quite frankly, none of them even knew if he’d REALIZED the paper was ruined.)

“... Okay.” They just grabbed out some scrap paper in their pocket, and began writing the instructions again. “Since it’ll be the weekend, there’ll probably be some customers… I’d say come around one or two if you’re able.” Lilia pouted, resting a hand upon his cheek.

“And here I thought you had the weekends off…!”

“I-I do…! I’m not working tomorrow, I’m just stopping by!”

“Good, because I had plans to ask you on a date~”

“Not now, Lilia…!” Too late, Floyd’s head popped up again.

“Oh yeah, that reminds me… Why’re you even datin’ him, anyways??”

“Don’t worry about it Floyd.”

“He smells like dust and old people.”

“Floyd.”

“Well, that’s not nice! Personally, I would describe my scent as ‘Winter Candy Apple.’”

“Don’t enable him, Lilia-”

“BULLSHIT. You think I ain’t know what ‘Winter Candy Apple’ smells like?! You’re givin’ ‘Magnolia Charm’ at BEST.”

“Jade, help me out here.” He nodded.

“Floyd’s right, Vanrouge. You do have an antiquated scent about you… However, this can easily be fixed with The Lounge’s newest skincare products, a collaboration with none other than Vil Schoenheit himself-”

“THAT’S NOT WHAT I MEANT AND YOU KNOW IT.”

He just smiled and pulled out his backpack, placing a bunch of fancy bottles onto the table.

---

Azul examined the address for the 10th time, and then looked back at the nondescript building, hidden so well on the shore, it was impossible to see, unless you had the instructions for it.

“... We HAD to have made a wrong turn, right?”

“Yeah.”

“Absolutely.”

“I mean… There’s no mistaking it. This looks like a mafia front.”

“Who the hell are YOU tellin’...!?”

“Please quiet down, you two. It would be troublesome if we attract attention.” Usually, the two would throw a fuss out of spite anyways, but this time, they zipped it.

“... Let’s make a temporary retreat.”

“Yeah, we’ll call [Name] and just tell them to meet us in town-”

“Boo~!”

“FUCK…!!!” Lilia popped out of existence right as Floyd socked the air, appearing right behind Azul instead. “MOTHERFUCKER…!”

“Teehee~”

“DON’T YOU ‘teehee~’ ME YA-” The front door slammed open. Seeing the hulking figure at the doorway, the three Merfolk went pale.

“... Well, well…” He grinned, baring rows of sharp, jagged teeth. “Look what we have here…~”

---

The group had been invited (read: pressured) into taking a wonderful, comfortable seat at the lovely establishment (read: horribly uncomfortable seat at the stressful establishment as the exit was blocked by two other men who snickered.) Lilia wasn’t dumb, even he could tell the vibes were wrong if the Leech twins of all people, albeit hidden well, looked absolutely scared shitless.

“... So!” The seasoning shakers upon the table shook as the man took a seat. He was rough and gnarly, scars over his arms. He wasn’t worried, he’d taken many like him before in battles, he would do so again if need be. “What a sur~prise! Ain’t often members of the Leech Family decide to grace us with their presence~ So… To what do we owe the pleasure of this visit?” Despite the sweat that shone off their brows, the two sat perfectly straight, perfect poker faces on.

Clearly, they recognized the danger at hand, AND were prepared for it.

“None whatsoever. We simply were at this shore to meet a friend.”

“If we were aware this was your turf, we woulda kept away. Our bad.”

“Yes, yes, it truly is…” His eyes turned to Azul, who unlike the others, was clearly failing to hide his discomfort. “A friend?”

“No, a coworker.”

“An octopus, right?”

“... Yeah? So?”

“Nothing much, I just hear all the time about how oh-so-smart they are…” He leaned over, the black of his eyes staring right into Azul’s. “So… Tell me, ah… Azul, wasn’t it?”

“H-how do you-”

“You think people don’t know you’re affiliated with The Leech Family?” Jade and Floyd did their best to remain in place, despite their instincts wanting to kick in. “Whether or not you’re a part of them, you understand that’s enough to create enemies, yes?”

“We are not looking for trouble, I can assure you, sir.”

“Yeah? That don’t mean you didn’t bring it upon yourself now, does it?” He leaned closer, giving a better glimpse of his jagged teeth, and scarred lips. “To my understanding, you’re the son of a lawyer as well, hm? Well… Can’t say I like the thought of someone like that stickin’ their nose in our business…”

“I-I…”

“Do you know who I am? Or have the little brats over there neglected to tell you?” He took a deep breath, and gave his best glare.

“... You’re an accountant, right? So there’s no need for concern.”

“... Smart answer. Just as I expected!” He leaned back in his seat. “Shame you’re with The Leeches. I’m sure someone like you would be a pleasure to work with!” Azul allowed himself a moment to breathe, fixing his glasses to hide the tremble of his lip. “... Well! Apologies for getting all caught up in this mess, but you should’ve known from the beginning something like this was a possibility.” He poured himself a glass of water from a pitcher on the table. “We can’t have The Leeches holding blackmail over us, so we’ll be taking you as… ‘Insurance,’ yeah?”

“... Pardon?”

“You know what to do, fellas.” A hand landed on Azul’s shoulder.

“W-wait, this is-” It was smacked off, a pair of hands latching tight around the man’s throat.

“Back the FUCK of him…!”

“A-ACK…!”

“FLOYD…!” Jade pried him off, but not without bright-red marks being left, nearly impossible to see through all the tattoos.

“NAH! FUCK HIM!!! I’M GONNA KILL THESE MOTHERFUCKERS!!!”

“... HAH!” Willis leaned back, hands raised in the air. “You heard him, fellas! He was going to KILL me~”

“... Shit…!” Floyd threw their arms off. “Nah nah nah, I didn’t mean it-”

“Nope! Too late to back out now, Leech! I feel threatened for my life, and you even attacked one of my boys! You’ve given me NO CHOICE but to retaliate… On OUR turf as well… The Leech Family will have a lot of explaining to do for this…~”

“...!” Jade grimaced, finding that the the other man was approaching. “My apologies for my brother’s rash behavior, but I’m sure we could find another solution-

“... Jade, wasn’t it?”

“Yes.”

“You’re brother… I quite like him, actually! A bit violent, but quite honest! Rare you find someone like that nowadays.” Rough hands grabbed his hands, pinning it firm behind his back. They scraped like sandpaper against his skin, making him wince. “You, on the other hand… YOU’RE the one I’ve always been worried about. Right now? He;s just given me the excuse to take care of you before you gain any real power. I’d be a fool not to take advantage of that.”

“... Ah.” He just huffed, watching as the other lackey snatched both Floyd and Azul’s hands, the two screaming as their arms were twisted. “I see.”

“Throw ‘em in the Walk-In for now, we’ll figure out what to do with ‘em later-”

“Pardon my interruption.”

“... Mm?” Lilia was wearing a perfect smile. “Ah. Forgot about you. You’re so small and quiet I completely overlooked ya.”

“No worries, however, your treatment of my peers is.”

“Oh? You wanna join ‘em in the freezer? Can’t say it’ll be pleasant!”

“HAH!”

“GOOD ONE, BOSS!!!” Lilia just let them have the moment, cracking his knuckles instead.

“Actually… I shall be taking them back with me, if you don’t mind. It’d be a shame to miss our classes.”

“... You ARE aware of the situation you’re in, yeah?”

“It’s obvious, no?”

“... Yeah. It is.” The boss rose from his seat. Already, he was tall, but seeing him now would terrify any person… Had they not been Lilia Vanrouge. “So you’re choosin’ death, huh?”

“Really, I would say YOU are the one making that decision~”

“Well now, aren’t we bold~?”

“One more chance to back away, whippersnapper.” The two lackeys shared a confused glance, doing another lookdown of Lilia. “I won’t hold back if you persist.”

“Please, it’ll liven things up around here-” A knock resounded on the front door.

“FELLAS~!!! WE’RE BACK~!!!

“OUR HANDS ARE FULL, COULD YOU OPEN THE DOOR FOR US?!” Hearing the second voice, the Octavinelle boys immediately struggled in their restraints.

“””[NAME]...!!!”””

“Wait, what…?” The boss looked at them, and back at the door. “Blimey! Are you lot the friends [Name] was talkin’ about?!” Now they went pale again, but for completely different reason.

“You’re joking.”

“Y’mean the place [Name] got a gig at was…” Azul managed to wrench the hands off of him, and scrambled for the door.

“YOU…!!!” He threw it open, the two on the other side staring at him with wide eyes. “WHY COULDN’T YOU HAVE JUST ACCEPTED AN OFFER AT THE LOUNGE…?!”

“... Uh…” Dorris looked at [Name], but they just shrugged. “Look, we’re clearing missing some context here, uh-”

“Don’t worry about it none~”

“GYAH…!” Willis shoved him out of the way. “Now hurry up and come in, you two~! I’m sure you’re tired from all that walking!” The lackeys were right at their side, taking the bags from them.

“We gotcha, Miss Dorris!”

“You too, [Name]!”

“Oh, it’s fine-”

“No, no! We’re gentlemen, after all~” Floyd looked at the deep red scraps on his wrist and scoffed.

“(Gentlemen my ass…) … WAH!!!” Two hands smushed his cheeks, forcing him eye-level to the lady in front of him.

“OH!!! YOU’RE… Uh…” Willis was immediately by her side with a sweet smile, as if he hadn’t planned on killing them five seconds ago.

“This is Floyd Leech, from The Leech Family-”

“YEAH!!! My goodness, you’ve grown SO MUCH since I last saw you…!”

“... Shanks…”

“YOU MUST BE-” Jade instinctively took a step away.

“Jade Lee-AH…!” Someone shoved him from behind, and in his vulnerability, he also received The Smushening.

“Wow… You’ve ALSO grown so much!!!”

“... Anmk ou…” Azul, smart enough to accept his fate, just sighed and put on his best, polite smile.

“... Uhhhhh…” She squinted. “... Have I met you before???”

“No, ma’am. This is our first time meeting.” A chance at salvation! He smiled brighter, and held his hand out. “I am Azul Ashengrotto. Jade and Floyd are my associates, as is [Na]-MMMPH…!!!” Nope. He was also Smushed. Unfortunate.

“Oh, your eyes are so fancy…! You’ve GOT to be a squid, right?!”

“Omcto… Puhs…!” At the very least, his smush wasn’t as long, so he was able to rub his jaw in relief relatively swiftly. Her eyes immediately turned to Lilia, only for them to suddenly cross.

“That means YOU must be this Lilia I’ve heard so much about…” [Name] hid their face in shame.

“Dorris…!”

“No! No!” She circled him, tapping her chin in thought, while he just smiled, as if nothing had happened. “... Hm…”

“It is wonderful to meet you, miss.”

“Likewise… Or is it?!?!” She got right into his face, squinting into his eyes, but they stared back, unwavering. “... Tell me, Li-li-a…”

“Yes~?” She squinted even harder, eyes almost shut.

“How much… Do you care about [Name]???”

“MISS DORRIS.”

“Didn’t I tell you?! We’re FAMILY now, [Name]!” At the declaration, the Octavinelle boys felt their knees buckle, and spirits leave their body. “I won’t settle for you having anything less than the best!”

“T-this is EMBARRASSING…! Besides, he IS the best!”

“But IS he…?!”

“I’M THE ONE DATING HIM, I WOULD KNOW!!!”

“But what if you just aren’t seeing the red flags!? Or, no, worse…!”

“Oh…!” Now his face was smushed, with more aggression than the others.

“WHAT IF HE’S A FISHERMAN…!? You just CAN’T trust them, you know…!”

“Please let go of my boyfriend-”

“I think you should break up with him, actually. Yep. You just CAN’T trust this man.” Lilia raised a finger with a smile.

“Eeefore thamt.” She glared, and loosened her grip so he could speak. “May I at least have the honor of cooking with you, Miss Dorris? As one who loves the kitchen myself, I was eager to learn of techniques from the Coral Sea.”

His face was immediately grabbed again, and forced towards [Name].

“I take it back. You have to marry this man.”

“DORRIS.”

“You hearmd her, [Name]~”

“STOP ENABLING HER.”

They were starting to regret ever inviting him…

---

After a long day, the four made their way back to campus. [Name] had offered to stay behind and help clean, and none of them were exactly worried, so they went ahead.

“... So!” Lilia immediately turned to the three. “Would any of you care to explain what happened earlier today?”

“Nah.” Jade smacked Floyd. “Ow…!!!”

“You deserve that.”

“WHY…!?”

“You almost got us killed.”

“... Fuck you…” He didn’t argue further, however. Realizing neither of the two would speak further of it, Azul just sighed.

“I’ve never seen them until today, but I’ve heard enough rumors to recognize them… They were members of The Anemones. They’re rather notable among crime syndicates in The Coral Sea, as despite their actions, from what’s known, they all are surprisingly close-knit. Most organizations are rather cut-throat even among their own members, in comparison…”

“How quaint!”

“It’s NOT ‘quaint,’ it’s become a problem…! It means they take anything they deem a threat personally…!” Floyd huffed, and flopped against Azul. “Hey…!”

“I remember our last birthday at home, dad n’ ma told us to be SUPER careful around his kid. Dude can get REAL nasty if you upset them…”

“... Well…” Now Jade flopped on Azul.

“CUT IT OUT…!”

“At the very least, they don’t tend to instigate conflict on their own… So as long as we keep our distance, everything should be fine… If they see [Name] as part of their family, it means that as long as we do not overstep, they should leave us be.”

“I see… That’s wonderful to hear. It means I won’t have to worry about their safety, either.” The Hall of Mirrors was finally in sight, yet they all hesitated.

“... Uhhhh…” Floyd scratched his neck. “Are uh… Are any of us gonna tell them?”

… It would be fine… Probably.

Chapter Text

There was. A small hole in the basement wall.

“... GRIIIIIIIM…!!!”

“WHAT?!?!” His magestone clinked as he trotted around the corner. “WHY’RE YOU-” Now he did a double-take at the wall. “... HENCHMAN!!! WHAT THE HECK DID YA DO…?!”

“ME?!?!” WHY THE HELL WOULD I DO THIS?!?!”

“WELL IT SURE AS HECK WASN’T ME!!!” It had to be someone else then… Hell, I had to give them credit. The only reason I’d discovered it was because I was trying to adjust the carpet, and needed to move the shelf covering it… “Okay. Whatever. We just… Need to fix the wall-”

“Hey hey, wait!!” Grim squinted, looking through the darkness. “I think I see some stuff in there…!”

“Huh?” Unsurprisingly, when I tried looking, I couldn’t see anything. “Go inside and-”

“YOU CRAZY?!?!” He scoffed, as if somehow, my perfectly reasonable idea was a cardinal sin. “WHAT IF THERE’S A GIANT RAT OR SOMETHIN’?! We already got enough problems with the normal ones…!!!”

“Oh, PLEASE. I’m sure you’re being dramatic, Grim.” He crossed his arms with a huff.

“Yeah? Then why don’t YOU go inside-”

“NO???”

“SEE!!!”

“Okay, I just-... LOOK.” I gestured to the hole. “This like. TOTALLY feels like horror game material. Like I’m gonna go inside and some ‘Other Headmaster’s’ gonna try stealing my eyes or something.”

“NYAH???” … Well. This was a REAL problem. We couldn’t IGNORE this, but… Well, SOMEONE would have to be sacrificed…

“Oi.” We both turned around, finding Vanrouge at the top of the staircase. “Don’t ask why, but we’re out of ketchup.” Grim and I exchanged a look, then smiled sweetly. “... Why the fuck do you two look like that…?”

“Oh, no reason~ … Hehe…~”

“Yeah, yeah~ Anyways… Nyehehe~”

He took a single step back.

---

“What do you see???”

“TELL USSSS…!”

“Ugh, would you two be quiet already…?!” We tried looking around his body, but there was hardly any room left to even see a glimpse of his face. Half his body was in the hole, with only his hips and legs remaining out. He hadn’t brought a flashlight either, claiming his eyes would be enough. He only took the time to set his hair into a bun so it wouldn’t snag as he crawled in. “It’s just a bunch of junk.”

“What KIND of junk, though??”

“Is there anythin’ cool~?” He groaned.

“Like I said, junk. Mostly wrappers and melted candles. My guess is this was someone’s hideout.” Now I just wanted to peek even more…

“This guy must’ve been something special to carve an entire hideout out of the wall without getting caught…”

“Some of the idiots here could really learn from this guy…” We nodded sagely. Truly, a master of his time… I felt honored, being able to witness such handiwork.

“Yeah, yeah, now can I get out?!” I wanted to know more, but it was probably best not to. The mystery would have to be solved another day.

‘Go ahead. We’ll just cover it back up for now.”

“Mm.” He started to shuffle out, but hesitated.

“... Vanrouge?” Something banged against the wall. “Dude? You good?”

“... Tch… Of course ‘I’m good…!’” He wriggled in place, but never managed to wriggle out. “I’m just… Takin’ my time, yeah!!!” More banging, and now light swearing accompanied. Grim’s mouth sprawled into a wide smile as he stepped to the side, away from the flailing legs.

“Oh~?? Is someone stuck~??”

“SHUT IT.”

“NYA~HAH!! HE IS!!!” I looked at his legs and hips, which frantically kicked.

“No, he can’t be…” However, as more seconds passed by, no other progress was being made. “... You are stuck, aren’t you?”

“I SAID I’M-... Ugh…” He just fell limp. “.. To hell with it. I’m stuck. I can’t get my damn arms through the hole.”

“I KNEW IT! NYAHAHAHA~!!!” … Well, shit!

“Grim, get the toolbox.”

“HECK NO! I like him better like this! Keeps him humble, y’know~”

“You little…!!!” He tried kicking back, but with another laugh, Grim hopped out of the way.

“Fine, fine~ I’m gettin’ it, but ONLY because The Great Grim’s feeling nice today! Don’t forget to lavish me with praise once you’re free~”

“Like hell I am!!!” The basement door slammed behind him, leaving me all alone with the compromised general. “... Tch, this is fuckin’ embaressing…”

“It could be worse…?” Even without seeing his face, I could already see it darken.

“And HOW exactly could it be worse…?!”

“... Uhhhh…” I had to think about it for a moment. “Lilia could be here…?”

“... Shit.” He shuffled again, getting comfortable. “You’re right, actually. It COULD be worse.”

“See~?” Not having much else to do, I took a seat on the ground. “Besides, it shouldn’t take long for Grim to get back, so you’re only gonna be stuck for a few minutes!”

“Honestly, I’d feel better if YOU got the tools. Knowing that idiot, he’s gonna get distracted by somethin’.”

“Oh, have more faith in him…! Grim’s not THAT bad!”

“... Mmhm…”

“Why, I’m sure he’ll be back by the time I finish this sentence!”

---

“...”

“...”

---

“...”

“...”

---

“... Wow! It’s almost as if I predicted this happenin’!!!”

“You know what. Grim was right actually. We SHOULD keep you in the hole.”

“Do you WANT to die?!?!” I didn’t even have to check the clock. I’d kept my entire focus on it the entire time, both to preserve his dignity, but also because unfortunately, the leather pants he was wearing weren’t leaving much to the imagination in this position, and this REALLY wasn’t the time.

“Look, just… Give me FIVE MINUTES, and I’ll be back.”

“Don’t you DARE forget, [Name].”

“I’M NOT GRIM!!!”

I rushed up the stairs. From down the hall, I heard snoring, and when I passed the lounge, I found Grim fast asleep on the couch by the ghosts, some antique shopping channel on. Well, THAT explained his disappearance… Fortunately, the toolbox WAS right next to him, so I just snatched it before heading back. (Though, not without a grimace, seeing it’d changed from late afternoon to sunset outside.)

“VANROUGE!!!” I rushed back down the stairs. “I GOT THE TOOLS!!!”

“HURRY THE FUCK UP, THEN!!!” I grabbed a hammer.

“Okay, I’m gonna have to break the surrounding wall, so if I get dust and stuff on you, sorry in advanced-”

“APOLOGIZE AFTER.”

“OKAY, OKAY…! Damn, bitch, I’m trying to be NICE…!” Careful with my hits, I smacked against the drywall. It easily broke under the impact, dust and large chunks staining his ebony slacks. Without thinking, I smacked it off.

“OI!!!” He jumped.

“Gyah…!” I nearly dropped the hammer. “SORRY! SORRY…!”

“Ugh…!” My face was scorching as I made quick work of the rest of the wall. The second he could cram an arm in, he scrambled for freedom, face even hotter as he scrambled to his feet, helplessly smacking dust off his body. “Thank fuck I’m out of there…”

“Yeah! It may have taken a bit but-” His eyes darted up to mine, and narrowed. “... Now, personally, I think we should all know peace and kindness in our hearts, and-”

“Nah-ah.” He raised his hand. “My turn.” I looked between it and him.

“... Okay, you damn well KNOW it was an accident, and I was NOT trying to smack your ass.” He smirked, not a hit of light in his eyes.

“So~? Besides, you took too damn long!!!”

“W-well…!” I pointed at him. “YOU COULD’VE TELEPORTED OR SOMETHNG, RIGHT?! SO WHY IS IT MY FAULT?!”

“I-...” He grew pale. “I… Could have…”

“YEAH!!! So it’s YOUR fault!”

“... You…!” A dark shadow cast over his face.

… Ah. I fucked up.

“... Vanrouge.”

“Why didn’t you…” He took a step closer. “SAY THAT BEFORE…?!?!”

“... BYE!!!”

(Needless to say, I didn’t get far before he caught me…)

Chapter Text

“... Chocolate.” He stared at the gaudy packaging. “You dragged BOTH of us away from everything we were doing… For chocolate.”

“Yeah.” They took a seat on the bench. “So you guys wanna share?”

“Hell no-” Lilia smiled and took a seat next to me.

“I would love to, dear.”

“HEY.” Vanrouge took a seat on the opposite side. “Fine, I’ll have ONE bite.”

“You will want more, trust me.” I took back the package and began unwrapping it. “This isn’t NORMAL chocolate… This is the GOOD stuff…”

“... Wonderful.” Lilia took the discarded wrapper from me.

“It has raspberry, so that’s enough for me! Popping rocks, as well… Quite a fancy mix!” I broke the first piece of chocolate off and passed it to him. He held up the white brick, examining it in the light, before taking a nibble.

“This brand is SOOOOO good. I picked this flavor out since I thought you guys would like it.” I passed the next piece to Vanrouge, doing my best to get equal-sized pieces for them. He just popped it right into his mouth, chomping down without much thought.

“”... MM…?!”” Stars sparkled in their eyes as the candy popped across their tongues like fireworks, perfectly complimenting the smooth chocolate, and sweet fruit.

“See~!!” I broke my own piece off. It was a bigger piece, but I was the one who spent the money, so I was gonna be a little selfish. “I told you guys, it’s the good stuff!!” I leaned in for a bite, but… Well…

I was suddenly aware of two eyes watching me.

“... Guys.”

“Yes~?” Lilia just batted his eyelashes.

“... Haaah…” I held the piece towards him, and he tucked his bangs behind his ear, reaching in for a bite.

“Mm.” I found my hand pulled away, taking the chocolate just out of Lilia’s reach.

“Hey…!!!” He just smirked and watched me expectantly.

“Vanrouge. I will give you another piece too.”

“I want THAT piece.”

“... Okay.” I held it up to him, and he chomped down with a smile.

“[Name]...!!!” Lilia smushed against me. “How COULD you…?!”

“Guys… There’s…” I broke off another piece. “An entire bar… It’s not that deep-”

“Yes it is, now give me a BIGGER piece.”

“Ignore him, give it to me.”

“RUDE! You already got TWO!”

“Isn’t it bedtime for you already? So SCRAM.”

“I will… If you can make me~”

… I was never offering either of them anything ever again.

Chapter Text

“Why are we here again-”

“Don’t worry about it.” The two Lilias shared a look. It was already suspicious enough, the both of them being invited out for BREAKFAST, but to BANANABEE’S, of all places?

Either the most violent breakup known to man was about to occur, or something far more sinister…

“Dear… I think I speak for both of us when I say-”

“Hey what do you guys want to drink?”

“[Name]-”

“What about appetizers? You two want any?”

“Oi, don’t ignore us-”

“SO true, besties, you should absolutely get some drinks-” Their menu was snatched away. “Hey…!”

“Answer. NOW.” Quietly, they tried grabbing a new menu, but Lilia pulled them all away. “What is going on?!”

“... You’re gonna make fun of me.” Really, that was already happening inside their minds, but both kept shut. “... Okay, so it’s International Burger Day, so I’ve got an entire itinerary of places either giving out coupons, or free food, and in the afternoon I’m restaurant hopping with the gang, and then the evening I’m gonna hit a local place by myself and then find a ditch to die in afterwards. But it’s a weekend tomorrow so it’s okay anyways what app are you getting-”

“Wait, wait, wait.” Vanrouge rubbed his eyes. “You’re using us… For free food.”

“... Well, I mean… It’s not TECHNICALLY free, since here you gotta spend at least 2000 Madol to get the promo coupon.”

“IT’S ALMOST 2000 MADOL FOR JUST ONE PERSON HERE! WHY DID YOU EVEN NEED US…?!”

“Yes, even I’m confused here.”

“I JUST MENTIONED HOW MANY RESTAURANTS I’M GOING TO TODAY!!! I’m only getting a smoothie so I don’t die later, so YOU TWO are the ones getting me that coupon… Though, I’m still gonna pay for your time..” Lilia was torn. On one hand, this idea was ridiculous for even his standard, mostly for the secrecy around it. He would’ve agreed, so he couldn’t see the reason for any shame… On the other, he WOULD be able to hold this over their head for the rest of their lives…

“... I do have ONE question, [Name].” At this point, [Name] just pulled out their phone, realizing playing host was futile at this point.

“Yeah?”

“Why Bananabee’s??? You hate it here!!!”

“... I mean… Yeah, but…” They just shrugged. “I like free food more, so…” … Well! He couldn’t argue against that!

“In that case…If I bought a berry smoothie, would you still care to share with me~?” He leaned forward, and batted his lashes at them. Like always, their face tinted pink, and they looked away, helplessly smitten for his charms.

“W-well… As long as we reach the cost minimum, I don’t see why not-”

“Great.” An arm wrapped around their waist, and pulled them flush into Vanrouge’s side. “We’ll split a smoothie, then.”

“HEY…!” They just sighed in defeat, knowing it was useless trying anything at this point.

“What? Not my problem you’re too slow.” Another body smushed against them, caging them between the two bats.

“It’s fine, we BOTH prefer strawberry banana smoothies anyway, right, [Name]~?”

“... Guys…” Both their glares were lethal, a noticeable, thick aura suffocating the entire booth that made nearby customers peek over in concern. “... If I’m late to any of my other commitments because of your idiocy, I am murdering you two as violently as possible, got it?!”

… Of all things, they both turned tomato red, and cleared their throats at the exact same time. It felt like I was missing some crucial piece of information, and I wasn’t exactly sure if I wanted to know what it was…

… Whatever worked, worked, I guess… (But now I was wondering if this was worth it for a free burger…)

Chapter Text

“WAKE UP.” For the fifth time, a tiny grey paw smacked against [Name]’s shoulder, yet they did not stir in the slightest. In fact, they instinctively yanked the covers up, blocking further assault on their face. “NYAGH…!”

Grim moved to the other end of the bed, where beneath the blankets, he could make out the vague impressions of Vanrouge’s face beneath the covers. (Even if he couldn’t recognize him, the giant lump latched onto [Name]’s legs was a dead giveaway.)

“HEY.” Another fierce smack.

“... Zzz…” Alas, it wasn’t very effective. The cat was quickly being overcome by the urge to Maim.

“Ignore ME, don’tcha…!? When I’M tryna be helpful…!” He couldn’t take this out on his HENCHMAN, of course… I mean, he could, but then they’d be sad, and it’d make HIM feel bad, and definitely because of how pitiful they looked, not because he was a sap or anything…

That other idiot though? Screw him! He was a jerk about helping him open a can of tuna last week!

"FWUAH!!!" The flames were light enough not to burn anything, but they were still hot.

“SHAAAK…!!!”

“GYAH…!!!” At the sudden impact, both of them shot up like lightning. “GRIM, WHAT THE FUCK…?!”

“YOU’RE LATE!!!”

“WHAT TH’FUCK ARE TALKING ABOUT, YOU FUCKING DUMBASS…?!” Grim kept eye-contact and pointed right at the alarm clock. At one glance, their pure, unbridled rage at being scorched melted away into terror.

“”AH FUCK…! (SHIT…!)”

“Told y-AAAAH!!!” The speed in which they left bed knocked Grim off his perch, and within seconds, the bathroom door was shut behind them. “... ARE YOU GUYS REALLY BRUSHING YOUR TEETH?!”

“MM!!”

“WHO CARES?!?! IT AIN’T LIKE THAT FREAK FROM HEARTSLABYUL’S HERE-”

“You called~?”

From all across campus, a chilling shriek pierces through everyone’s souls that day… Leaving the strange, but stifling fear that if they didn’t practice proper hygiene, they would be next…

---

“... We… Made it…” Vanrouge looked fine, as if he’d just taken a brisk walk to get here. Grim did, as well, since he was carried like a football through it all. [Name] looked seconds away from keeling over. They almost did, before being forced upright.

“Die once attendance is called.”

“R-right… That way, everyone will instantly pass the year…” We took our seats near the back. It took all my strength not to melt into a pile of goop onto the floor. “... Hey, Grim, why was Trey at-”

“I don’t wanna talk about it.”

“Okay.” It would just remain a mystery. “... God, I hope we aren’t doing magical equations today-”

“Check the board.” I forced my head up. In floral cursive, it read ‘Magical Equations: Chapter 22.’

“... KILL ME.” Even Vanrouge sighed.

“I hate this shit… I already know how it FEELS, how the hell am I supposed to EXPLAIN it?!” Grim snickered and gave him a playful punch.

“Sounds like somebody’s got a ‘Skill Issue,’ as Idia calls it~!”

“... So, YOU can do it?”

“Of course!!! I’m the Great and Powerful Grim, after all-” A textbook was immediately flipped open and slipped in front of him. Grim took one look, before passing it to me. “Here, Henchman, I think we should let YOU have this one~!”

“GRIM…!”

Both of those bastards just smirked at me.

---

“Oi.” I hadn’t noticed Vanrouge sneak so close. “Give m’a bite.”

“No.”

“Why not~?”

“Because Grim will want one, and I will not get anything left after that.” True as I said, Grim was staring right at us. His gaze was unwavering… He didn’t even blink. It reminded me of a clip from some ‘Death Book’ anime back home I’d see once in a while… Couldn’t say I was a fan of that comparison!

“... Fair enough.” He just dipped his grilled cheese into his tomato bisque again, making a pleased chirp as he took a bite.

“You’ve been getting the grilled cheese a lot, lately.” He didn’t finish chewing before speaking, a change I’ve noticed between the two Lilias.

“It’s damn good. I could eat this shit everyday if I could.” I should’ve been appalled by the awful manners, but it was endearing, in a strange way… Whenever we were around Malleus, or formal events, he was the picture of etiquette, meaning he must’ve felt relaxed enough to be himself. “... You know… There’s something else I could eat every day, too.”

“Oh?” Grim looked up from his own sandwich, the crisp sunlight filtering into the empty courtyard making his gaze feel even more innocent. “What’s that??”

Vanoruge just looked me directly in the eyes and smirked.

“GARLIC.”

“UGH, HELL NO.” Grim suddenly snatched my arm, scarily serious.

“You have to break up with him immediately, henchman.”

“WHAT?!?!” … Grim WAS kinda right, though… “OI, CUT IT OUT!!! YOU’RE STUCK WITH ME.”

“We’ll talk about it later-”

“THE HELL WE ARE…!”

… Truly, was this relationship meant to be? Only The Seven knew…

---

“... Ain’t this enough books-” I placed two more on the stack in his hands. Despite how many there were, his arms didn’t waver in the slightest. It was incredibly sexy.

“No.” I kneeled back in front of the manga shelf. “... Okay, just one more-”

“You said that ten minutes ago.”

“It’s not MY fault that people have the audacity to be so amazing and skilled.”

“Yeah, yeah…” Grim had ditched us after classes for Spelldrive, so we decided to run into town, which was really code for ‘You’re my hostage now. (Affectionate)’ “What are these even about, anyways…?”

“Oh, you know…” Seeing the newest issue of one of my favs, I immediately snatched it off the shelf, hugging it close. “Different things… One’s an isekai, most are shoujo… Nothing too fancy~”

“I have no idea what either of those things mean.” Deciding I had gone insane enough, I finally got up and dusted my knees. “Alright, add it to the stack.” I looked back at the cover, and just tucked it under my arm.

“Oh, uh, I can carry this one-”

“I’ve already got fourteen of these, might as well make it fifteen.” … The cover would be eye-level with him… And I couldn’t have him judging me worse than he already did…

“... Hey, I’ll get you a manga too~!”

“Why are you dodging this?”

“You like shonen?? Ooh, you might be more of a 4koma guy, actually~!!”

“[Name].”

“COMIC BOOKS IT IS, THEN-” Without another word, he switched the entire pile into one hand, and snatched the sacred texts from me. “... Ah…?”

“... Interesting…” He raised a brow at the cover, two men smushed close in a way that clearly didn’t honor The Seven despite being fully clothed and passed it back into my hands. “I’m borrowing that one.”

“FUCK NO.”

“Watch your language, we’re in public.”

“I’M GOING TO KILL YOU.”

“You can try, and I’ll be impressed if you do.” He just walked off towards the register. “Oh, that said ‘Volume 4,’ right? I’m borrowing the rest too.”

“GET BACK HERE.”

I scrambled to keep up, hoping no one around was watching my rapidly diminishing dignity.

---

I flopped into bed. The second we got home from dinner, there was a huge fight in the halls, and we barely managed to scrape by with our lives… And by that, I meant Vanrouge kicked their ass, but Trien almost saw us.

Either way, it was late, and I was drained.

“HEY.” Grim’s gem clicked as he stared up from the floor. I sighed, but scooted over so there was a gap. “... Hmph.” He hopped onto the bed and curled up in the crook of my arm after a few spins.

“... Three… Two… One…” The bathroom door opened, and with a thick yawn, Vanrouge made his way over, in nothing but his boxers.

“Mm… Scoot.” I smushed the best I could, which was good enough, since he laid upside down next to me.

“... I know I asked already, but-”

“No, I didn’t break their damn nose.”

“Just making sure…!” He weakly smacked my thigh. “... It WAS a good punch…”

“Not really. I was holdin’ back.”

“Terrifying! Anyways!” He rolled onto his side, where he was able to watch me from his side of the bed. He preferred sleeping that way, unless we were cuddling or ‘loving.’ “I should check the alarm this time before we both forget again…”

“I already did, don’t worry.”

“Slay.”

“Why do you keep saying that??”

“Don’t worry about that either, it’s just another way of saying ‘great.’” He just rolled his eyes and leaned back.

“You humans are so weird…” There were quiet purrs besides me… Grim must’ve been tuckered out, because it usually took him a while longer to pass out. I just smiled and gently pet him, getting a content chirp in reward. “Oh, nearly forgot.”

“Mm?” Immediately, the annoyance returned full force in his voice.

“Those men are awful.”

“... What?”

“The book.”

“... I’m confused, what are we-”

“You know, that whatchamacallit from the bookstore.” … Ah. A hollow void of Dread was suddenly in my soul. “I read it. The guys suck-”

“I THOUGHT YOU WERE JOKING…!!!”

“... Well, that’s YOUR fault… Oh, but the art’s good, I’ll give it that.” He nudged my side with his foot. “You have any others-”

“FIRST YOU TRASH MY TASTE IN LITERATURE, THEN YOU ASK FOR MORE…?!?!”

“I didn’t say it was BAD. I just said the characters were awful.”

“I-I mean… You’re not WRONG, but still…!!!” At this point, he just sat up, a smug grin on his face.

“Here, I’ll give you MY type, so give me a good recommendation.” I just rolled over and pulled the sheets over me, doing my best to ignore him. “They’ve gotta be loud and obnoxious, someone you can REALLY relax with with over a drink~ Oh, but worrywarts, too. It’s always cute when they get flustered easily, and a nice voice, too-” Okay, I couldn’t ignore this anymore.

“WHY ARE YOU DESCRIBING BAUL ZIGVOLT?!”

“... I WAS DESCRIBING YOU…!!!” However, the longer he dwelled on it, the redder his face became. “Oh god… That IS Baul… And Levan…!!!” I didn’t even know who the latter was, but I didn’t need to pry. He was going through enough. “... I’m goin’ to bed.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Yeah yeah…” I turned the lamp off, and everything quickly descended into darkness. Despite the awkward silence, I shut my eyes, hoping sleep would find me quickly…

“Good night, Vanrouge.”

“Night…”

“...”

“...”

“......”

“...... Okay, but since we’re talkin’ about this, I also love a woman who can kick my ass-”

“Vanrouge.”

“What? Might as well commit to this.”

“... Alright, fine…” I sat back up and turned the lamp on, finding he’d already done the same.

“So? What’s your type?”

“Bastards who don’t let me go to bed.”

“It seems I have a chance, then~”

… Jackass…

Chapter Text

Beneath my feet were cool, creamy sands, and frothy waves as far as the eye could see. Despite the lingering heat in the night, there was a slight breeze that filtered through the trees, making it the perfect place to kick out a chair, and enjoy a nice sleep…

“... This fucking sucks…”

Now, don’t misunderstand me! While this would not exactly be my first pick for a trip, it wasn’t the beach itself that was a problem! It was, oh, I don’t know… THE FACT WE WERE ON A STRANDED ONE?!?! And the mosquitos… My god, if the mosquitos didn’t kill me, I was about to kill myself from how itchy I was… Luckily, it wasn’t as bad as the first night, and this was partially my fault since I left the resort, but if I had to hear even five more seconds of snoring I was going to turn into The Joker.

“Truly, you all are quite strange.” I didn’t even grace a look besides me at the upside-down Third Year. “Many would kill for an opportunity like this, you know?”

“Even the space shark robots?”

“Especially the space shark robots.” I just rolled my eyes and continued looking out towards the sea.

“May I join your sightseeing~?”

“As long as you don’t start snoring.”

“What~? A cute lil’ thing like me~? Snoring~?”

“Oh, please, you’re like, one of the WORST offenders of it…!”

“Nothing but lies!” He popped onto the seat besides me. For a second, I glanced over. He looked just as usual, his tropics gear in full, but at some point, he’d yoinked the ukulele Floyd had a death grip on.

“You’re gonna play me a song, music man~?”

“Rather bold to assume it’s for you~ For all you know, I was planning on serenading the crabs.”

“My bad, I didn’t realize they were connoisseurs of death metal~”

“There are many things we don’t know about crabs, dear~” He plucked the strings, ears twitching as he adjusted the pegs to ensure the notes were in tune. “Even I’m wise enough to acknowledge that my knowledge of crustaceans is lacking, at best.

“You know, I heard they like calypso.”

“Hm… Now I think you’re just lying to me~”

“Oh, shush! You know that sounds more realistic than death metal…!”

“Mm… Nope! Not at all~” His fingers mindlessly plucked against the screens, a random melody that followed no true beat. “I believe we can both say that despite everything, my knowledge of crabs is stronger than yours~”

“Sure, Vice House Leader Vanrouge.”

“Hey…!” His note was completely too sharp in offense.

“Oh, so I’m not allowed to tease~?”

“Of course not, I’m del~icate, you know?”

“Yeah, yeah~” I laid back on the shore, tucking my hands behind my head as I looked up towards the sky. The stars were brighter than ever, which was amazing… I was already amazed by them back at Sage’s Island, since they didn’t seem to have the same issues with light pollution here, but this? … Well, it just… Felt fake…

I didn’t truly realize just how many stars existed out there…

“... This stays between us, but…” Lilia continued mindlessly plucking, but his ears tilted to hear me. “I don’t… Exactly want to go back home.”

He didn’t say anything.

“You guys… I get it’s far from perfect, but there’s so many wonderful things about Twisted Wonderland, and when I think about home, it's just…” Even thinking about it, I got tired. “... Part of me’s just being a coward. I’m just running away from all my stresses and worries, instead of trying to confront or change them, but I’m tired, man… It feels like no matter what I do, nothing’ll change, and at least this way, I’d just disappear a happy memory then return and live as a disappointment to everyone.”

His plucking grew soft, before the ukelele was abandoned entirely. He still didn’t look at me, but his hand inched closer to mine, hesitant.

“Yet, here… Ironically, as a magicless mistake in a school of assholes, I feel like I’ve had more control over my life than ever before… Ah, but I’m not dumb.” I sat up again, and grabbed a nearby shell. I brought my thumb over its ridges, admiring the texture. “Everyone’s started talking like they expect me to graduate. I think it’s because most of them forgot, but… NRC’s not gonna last forever. That means I have about three years to figure out a plan.”

Three years… That felt like so long, but I knew better. I’d blink in a eye, and before I knew it, everything would be over. It happened before, and the thought of it happening again was terrifying…

“... I’ve been looking through travel books and all lately… Trying to find places no one I know lives, where I can disappear… I know it’s shitty, but, well, I know they’d all be mad if they found out, I can’t blame them, but if I told them all the truth, then… They’d all get upset, and take it understandably personally, and it’d feel worse and, ugh, I’m just rambling, I know I sound ungrateful, but-”

“The Land of Red Dragons is nice.”

“... Huh?” For once, he couldn’t make eye contact with me. “... I’ve heard of that place… It’s where Diasomnia’s Halloween costume was based off of, right?” He didn’t say anything, and I couldn’t see his expression, turned towards the ocean, staring far into the distance. “... Yeah. That does sound nice.” I wasn’t sure if it was the right thing to do, but I took Lilia’s hand, entwing my fingers within his own.

He returned the grip, just as tight.

“... Lilia…” I hesitated, but took a deep breath. “We’re… Both cowards, aren’t we?”

“... Hmph~” For once, the lit in his voice sounded fake. “I have no idea what you’re talking about, [Name].”

“... Hah. I’m sure you don’t, Lilia.” It fell silent as we both stared into the horizon. It was still pitch-black, not even a hint of dawn on the horizon, and I was glad for it. It meant I could pretend time was frozen in place, just the two of us, and the future wouldn’t be able to harm us…

“... Theoretically…” His thumb ran along my palm, soft, unsure. “If you had the chance to disappear, not in three years, or even one, but a few months… Would you take it?”

“... That depends on who’s asking.”

“A friend.”

“For someone more, yes.”

“Even if it meant abandoning everything?” I thought of Grim, Ace, Deuce, and everyone else. Tears stung my eyes, but I still smiled.

“They were fine without me before… I’m sure they’d do just fine without me again. Despite everything, they’re good kids. I trust them.” His shoulders, which had been so tense, relaxed just the slightest. “Besides, it’s better they move on with their lives than spend the rest of them worrying about me. Really, I should’ve snipped this friendship in the bud before it could’ve started, so it would’ve hurt less.”

“I see…” Lilia rested his head against mine, and closed his eyes. “... This is all theoretical, of course.” I brushed back his bangs and kissed his forehead.

“Of course it is.” I leaned against him, closing my own eyes. Despite the icky humidity that lingered on the beach, I felt far more comfortable out here than in the resort. “Nothing but the ridiculous ramblings of two sleep-deprived idiots.” He quietly laughed, slipping an arm around to rest at my waist.

“... Let’s stay like this for just a little longer, mm? I’m sure the children are fine back home.” I wrapped my own arm around him, enjoying the rich scent of hibiscus that surrounded his entire being, so sinfully sweet, yet quick to leave.

“We can stay as long as you need, Lily” The ridiculous nickname pulled a sweet laugh from him.

“That’s a new one.”

“You don’t like it?”

“No, I’m just not quite used to nicknames… Well, outside of ‘father’ or ‘old man,’ of course.” He tucked his bangs behind his ears, a slight blush upon his face. “I like this one… It’s cute.”

“It’s fitting for you, too.” I gave a light nip to his ear.

“O-oh…~!”

“Because you’re as cute as a lily~”

“Oh, you cut that out right now!!!”

“What~?” For once, he was the completely flustered one. With a scoff, he yanked his hat down, completely obscuring his face. I tapped right upon it with a smirk. “Knock, knock~”

“NO ONE’S HOME.”

“Wrong answer.” I yanked it up and gave him a smooch right on the lips.

“OI…!”

I soon found myself pinned beneath his touch, his own eyes twinkling with mischief behind his stylish glasses.

“I’ll teach you to make a fool of me~!”

“Nooooo…~!!”

For just a moment, we could forget about the world, and all our worries… And it was the best thing either of us could ask for.

Chapter Text

“Sorry dude, I’m REALLY busy right now, I’ll have to talk to you later-”

“DON’T YOU DARE HANG UP!!!” Shoot, and I was so close, too… “OUR PROJECT’S DUE TOMORROW, DUMBASS…!”

“Yeah?? So what, Ace?!” I scoffed into the receiver, adjusting my phone so it wasn’t jabbing as awkwardly into my neck. “I already did MY share, so I’m not dropping everything to help you bullshit yours!”

“You think Prof. Crewel’s gonna care?! He’s gonna blame everyone…!”

“Then just ask someone else in the group for help…!”

“Hell no! Sebek’s gonna blow out my eardrums, and everyone else finished early and went to see a movie…!” He sighed wistfully. “Help me, [First] [Last Name], you’re my only hope-” There was a loud crunch. I went stiff, praying that Ace somehow missed it.

“... [Name]?” I glanced down, meeting Lilia’s gaze from where he rested on my lap. At some point, the elote I held in my other hand wavered in front of his eyes, and he mistook it as an offering. "What was that~?"

“... Nothing?? Man, I think you’re losing it, Ace-” A second crunch.

“YOU’RE HAVING LUNCH WHILE I’M DYING…?!”

“Of course not-” A third crunch. “CUT THAT OUT…!”

“YOU DIDN’T EVEN INVITE ME?!?!”

“Ace hold on.” I covered the speaker. “LILIA…!” He just smirked, licking his lips clean of mayo and chili powder.

“Yes, dear~?”

“STOP EATING MY FUCKING CORN…!”

“But you waved it so enticingly before my eyes! How could I possibly resist?”

“YOU GUYS REALIZE I CAN STILL HEAR YOU, RIGHT?!” I just sighed. Really, it was all I could do. “Busy my ass…! If all you’re doing’s eating CORN, then HELP ME-”

“Ask Riddle. Bye.”

“ARE YOU CRAZY-” I hung up and turned my ringer off. With that, I went back to the new problem. Sharpened eyes watched my elote, and wherever I moved the stick, they followed. He licked his lips again, yet this time, I could tell it was in vain, trying to taste more of that ambrosia that’d once stained his lips…

“... Haaaah…” I passed it down to him again. “You owe me one.”

“Uhuhu~” His fangs pierced the yellow flesh with ease again, mayo smearing all over his face at the awkward angle.

“... That CAN’T be comfortable.” His grin didn’t diminish in the slightest as he chewed the golden kernels, wiping away the mayo with his thumb and cleaning it with his tongue.

“Mm…” He took just enough time to swallow. “I’m being fed like royalty by my partner, how could it get more comfortable than this~?”

“Okay, but if you choke, I’m not explaining this to the others.”

“I’m not going to choke…!” … Hm. Maybe helping Ace would be less trouble than dealing with Lilia’s future hubris… “Hey… Don’t make me beg…!” He fluttered his lashes. “Give me another bite~”

… Ah, hell. Who was I kidding. There was no way I could choose homework over this idiot…

Chapter Text

“Hello dear!” Lilia zipped right past me, and flopped onto the bed, sending freshly dried laundry onto the ground.

“Hi Lilia.”

“Bury me, would you?”

“Let me find the match to this sock, at least-” The front door slammed open, so loud, it rattled my eardrums even from the second floor. “... Okay, on second thought-” He’d already started to pull shirts and slacks over himself. “You’re gonna help me afterwards, though…!”

“Aww~ How romantic-”

“Shush.” I smacked a tank top over his face. Finally, all was quiet again… Well, save the ever-increasing volume of Sebek’s footsteps, but I just focused on making sure not a single speck of Lilia was left visible, so as the door slammed open, he scowled in indignation.

“WHERE IS VANROUGE?!”

“He’s here? Color me surprised.” I grabbed a shirt to the side, taking my time to fold it neatly.

“HE IS!!! I SAW HIM!!!”

“Did you?”

“I-...” He quietly mumbled, recounting his steps. “... YES!!! I DID, SO HAND HIM OVER!!!”

“Sorry, buddy.” I just gestured to the giant pile of clothes beneath me. “I’m just doing chores by myself here. If Lilia entered Ramshackle, he must have already left.”

“HOW?! I DIDN’T CROSS PATHS WITH HIM AT ALL…!!!”

“Teleportation??” He choked on his breath.

“T-teleportation…?! How could I have forgotten such an obvious trick…!?” He scrambled back out the door. “VANROUGE…!!! I WILL FIND YOU, I SWEAR ON MY NAME AS ONE OF LORD MALLEUS’ TRUSTED RETAINERS-” Even as I walked to the hallway window, watching as he disappeared down the road, I could still hear him legibly. Oh well.

“Alright!” I turned back to the lump on my mattress. “Start matching socks, Lilia”

“Of course!” Just like that, half the laundry, my laundry, that I had spent all day forcing myself to work on after neglecting it for far too long, was on the floor. Again. “I’m a man of my word, after all~”

I just stared at his blindingly bright grin, partially obscured by the underwear clinging to his head.

“... Socks.”

“Oh, just go mis-match like I do! It’s not like it matters-”

“Riddle will kill me if I do. I don’t know how he knows, but he ALWAYS knows…”

-----------

“My goodness, this is a lot of laundry…” We were almost done, and the pile of matching socks was slowly growing bigger… But compared to everything else, it was being finished at a snail’s pace. I’d already hung and tucked away most things. “You really should do your laundry more often-”

“Suddenly, I want to break up.”

“Absolutely not.”

“Okay.” He chuckled, and put aside the pair he was working on. He fell onto his back, choppy, mis-matched strands splaying flat on the mattress.

“We should do something! It feels as if it’s been quite some time since we’ve been rowdy children in town~”

“That is because we’re depressed adults with aching joints.” He huffed at me, lifting just his head up so I could see his pout. “... Tell me I’m wrong-”

“How about karaoke?”

“Our favorite place isn’t open today.”

“Drat… The movies, then!”

“Okay, what do you wanna watch?”

“Well, what’s playing?” We both pulled out our phones. Upon seeing that every single movie was either boring or bad, they were tucked away. “... We could always take a nice walk in the park…”

“If we don’t bring peeled grapes again, I think the ducks are gonna kill us.” He rubbed his eyes and groaned.

“We’ll stop at Sam’s first, then.”

“Deal.”

-----------

It was such a wonderful, perfect day… It was bright, with a lovely breeze to keep cool, yet the park remained empty, save us. We sat close on the bench, just enough so our knees tapped against each other’s, and smiled at the birds at our feet, happily chewing up seeds and pieces of fruit.

Really… It didn’t get any better than this…

“... You know…” Lilia smiled and rested his head upon my shoulder. “I couldn’t happen to notice they’re eating more of MY fruit-”

“Do NOT make this into a competition or I will stab you with a banana.”

“... Well, that’s a bit extreme, don’t you think?” He just huffed as he tossed a few more peeled grapes from his tupperware onto the ground below. The ducks dove in, quickly lapping them up with elated quacks. “Though, I do love bananas… Hm…” I tossed a handful of seeds right next to him, feeling a sense of pride at the pigeons that eagerly cooed. “You should treat me to a banana smoothie after this~”

“Can we at least add one other fruit?”

“I suppose… But it would taint the banana’s subtle flavors…” At that, I gave him a look. He cocked his head in confusion, bangs sweeping with the sudden movement.

“What kinda bananas are YOU eating that don’t overpower every other flavor in existence??” I could visibly see more question marks appear around his head. “... Don’t worry about it, Lily. We’ll get your banana smoothie.”

“Yaaaay~” I ruffled his bangs, wondering just how a person could be so adorable… But I’d never tell him that. It would go to his head, and everyone would have to deal with the consequences of my actions. “Mm… Thinking about it, we’ve been at this park for a few hours now.” I checked my phone, surprised to see he was right.

“Oh, geez… Time flew by fast.”

“It does that quite often.”

“Speak for yourself. Usually one second feels like hours…” We both threw down the last of our treats, laughing as the birds descended into one final frenzy.

“So… Where would you like to go next, dear~?”

“I figured to get your smoothie.”

“Yes, yes, I meant afterwards.” My mind was blank, and if you listened in, you could hear a dialtone inside of it.

“I’m fine with whatever you want to do-”

“Ah, ah! Not this time!”

“Argh…!” I tried thinking of whatever people did on Sage’s Island, but all of it was either stuff we’ve done recently, or things I didn’t actually feel like doing… “I’m being so serious right now. You choose-”

“I chose last time, it’s quite rude of me to have that privilege again!”

“I’m literally GIVING it to you.”

“That’s not the point, I-” He hesitated. “... As I said, you’ll figure it out, [Name]-”

“You also can’t think of anything, can you?”

“... Haaah…” He leaned his entire weight against me with a huff. “Guilty as charged.”

“Uh-huh. That’s what I thought.” We both pulled our phones out again. “We could hit the movies…?”

“Nothing interesting is playing, remember?”

“Oh yeah… We could do another park, but I’m not feeling that, either.”

“… Oh! How about a bookstore?” I remembered my last trip to a bookstore with a Lilia, and how spectacularly that backfired.

“I hate books.”

“... [Name]. You have an entire shelf of manga-”

“We should play frisbee! Or tennis! Hell, a marathon sounds wonderful right now-”

“Now I know you’re deflecting, dear…” I just kept my smile up, despite the pain. “So no bookstore…” … There was nothing to really do. Sage’s Island was such a small place that most people outsourced their fun…

“I guess we could just go home.” Lilia sat up, a grave expression etched on his features.

“... Well, I suppose if there’s no other option, we have ONE choice…”

“You don’t mean…!”

“Indeed.” I gasped. “Plan B.”

There was no time to waste. We both scrambled to our feet, grabbing our belongings as we dashed back to campus.

------

“... And if you look to your right,” we both crammed against each other on the rickety bus, staring out the window. “You will see a group of antelope grazing!”

“Oh, wow…!”

“Such elegant creatures!” He gazed through his binoculars, then offered them to me. “Would you care for a look?”

“Oh, I can see them fine!”

“No, no, I insist~”

“... Well, okay then~” I took them, and though it was a bit awkward getting used to it, seeing the antelope as if I were right next to it… “Oh my god…”

“Isn’t it amazing?” Slowly, the bus moved out of view, and I passed the binoculars back. “And to think we still have half the tour to go~!” The bumpy road jostled us both around despite our seatbelts, yet it just added to the experience. “The nature in Sunset Savanna is something special…”

“Tell me about it!”

Since there was nothing to do at home, we both decided to just make the most of the Mirror of Darkness and went here. Last time, we saw a sign for bus tours of the plains, but despite the many sobs and lash flutters we gave Leona, he refused to budge…

… Well! He wasn’t here now, so there was nothing he could do about it!

“Oh, [Name]...!” Speak of the devil, and he will appear… Except, in this case, it was a lion right smack in the middle of the road, lying lazily on its side.

“No way…!” I whipped out my camera, and it looked up at our bus. “Hello, sleepyhead~” It spared a glance up at our bus, but just laid back down with a huff. “... Yep. That’s Leona, without a doubt.”

“We should send him a picture.”

“He would kill us.”

“Oh, please! I’d sweep, and you know it-”

“LILIA LOOK THERE’S A GIRAFFE!!!” He whipped the binoculars back up.

“WHERE?!”

---

“Oh my~! How quaint~! Look, dear~!” The little wood carving of a rhino was shoved in my face. “... We need it.”

“Absolutely not.”

“Huh…?!” Within his eyes, I could see each and every inch of his heart break, but I needed to do this. “[Name], what happened to you…?! This isn’t the kind and loving person I know…!”

“Lilia, you literally asked me to start telling you no.”

“... I don’t recall.” He glanced over, seeing a line of more carvings, these ones painted with bold colors and patterns. His eyes narrowed into thin slits, before blowing out wide. “Look at these-”

“Nope!” I caught him in my arms.

“[NAME]...!!!” I did my best to keep him pinned while prying the rhino out of his hands, placing it back onto the stall.

“Again, you LITERALLY asked me to do this. Like five times now. I’m NOT failing this time…!”

“I’ll behave next time, I swear…!!!” I just shut my eyes as I dragged him away, ignoring the burning of my face at all the stares from other tourists and locals alike.

“... Really, Lilia… You told me yourself, it’s for your own good-” I opened my eyes, just to find them suspiciously empty. “... You’re JOKING…!”

He was back at the stall, counting out madol as his purchases were bagged.

“LILIA…!!!” His ears perked up first, before he looked back with an adorable smile, as if he hadn’t done anything wrong. I rushed back to his side as he gathered his things, smushing close to me. “How am I supposed to help if you won’t even help yourself…?!” Instead of answering, he rummaged into his newest tote. “Seriously… You’re too much of a handful, sometimes-

“Open your hand.” I caught myself doing it before even registering his words. “Boop~!”

“... Huh?” Right in my hand was now a little wood carving of a rhino. “... Oh… He really is so small-STOP THAT.” I snatched him by the collar just as he’d begun wandering to a booth of snacks.

“B-BUT I DIDN’T GET ANYTHING FOR MY CLUB YET…!”

“CATER AND KALIM WILL LIVE.”

“BUT I WON’T…!!!”

“... Haaah…” Maybe investing in a child leash would be a great investment next time. “... Fine.” The second I let him loose, he was completely gone, lost in the sauce of the busy bazaar. “JUST DON’T GET CARRIED AWAY, OKAY?!”

… No response. Oh, it was SO over…

---

We flopped onto the small, yet cozy bed of our hotel. It was late, but neither of us really wanted to go back yet, so we just sent a quick text to everyone before finding a place for the night. I closed my eyes, pretending to sleep, much to the indignant scoff besides me.

“You truly can’t be THAT tired.”

“I am. After all those bags? I’m in The Seven’s hands now.”

“Oh, I didn’t buy THAT much.” That was a bold-faced lie and we both knew it.

“Mm… I wanted to cuddle for a bit, but since you sound mad at me…~”

“Hmph.” He latched on, smushing his face against my back. “I can be upset while still showing affection.”

“Sounds fake.”

“I am the most genuine person you’ll ever meet.”

“And that is how I know you are fake, because if you WERE that genuine, you wouldn’t need to say such a thing~”

“Rude…!” I did my best to roll over, giving him the chance to nestle into my side as I moved an arm under his head. For a while, the both of us just enjoyed the peace and quiet. The gentle winds rustling through the window were so cooling, I could feel myself getting drowsy… Just as I closed my eyes, he smiled against my chest.

“We should go star-seeing. It’s quite the popular pastime here.” It took all my strength to open an eye and stare at him.

“I have a feeling if we do that, we’re not gonna get back to our room for a while.”

“So?”

… Alright! Nap postponed, unfortunately!

-----

“Oi, Herbivore.” A photo was slammed onto my desk. “You want to explain what THIS was doing on my desk this morning?” I looked at his expressed, completely neutral, and then the photo, which had even been decked out with stickers and a bedazzler gun.

“I have never seen that photo in my life.” Without another word, he pulled out a second photo, also bedazzled, of me pointing towards the lion while making an incredibly stupid expression. “... I can explain-”

“Nope.” He cracked his knuckles, then his neck. “Normally, I’d kick both your asses, but I’m not stupid. That old man would sweep.” I had a feeling that in the near future, I would receive a smug grin from said old man. However, that was not important right now.

“YOU’RE GONNA BEAT ME UP…?!?!”

“What? Hell no. Didn’t you just hear me say I’m not an idiot…?!” He groaned, already annoyed with this exchange. “He’d immediately destroy me anyway if I tried anything with you… Anything violent, at least…~”

I took a step back.

“What the hell are you thinking?”

“Isn’t it obvious, ‘friend~?’” He stalked closer, a predator cornering his prey. “We’re gonna go on a trip, yeah? And I’m gonna give you a better time than that old brat ever could…” What should have been a wonderful and amazing offer sounded like a death sentence from him.

“Y-YOU SHOULD INVITE KALIM, INSTEAD!!!”

“Nope. You, me, and every last inch of the city.”

“WHY?!?!”

“Why not~?”

“No, like, GENUINELY. WHY? ARE YOU EVEN GOING TO ENJOY THIS?!”

“Hell no, but it’ll make him jealous, so it’s worth it.” At that, I just stared.

“... Lilia doesn’t get jealous…?”

“... Wow. You’re more of an idiot than I thought.” Before I could argue further, I was snatched by the collar. “Now hurry up before he pops out of midair like he always does…!”

“Hey…!!!”

Despite how much I thrashed in his grip, he didn’t let go. Eventually, I just accepted that I was forcibly assigned Leona Kingscholar’s Bestie for the day, and just admitted defeat…

… Hey. If nothing else, I’d probably get a great trip out of it…? (Oh, who was I kidding. This was gonna suck.)

-----

“Lilia, it’s two in the morning… What is all this racket-GOOD SEVEN…!” The kitchen was a complete disaster. Its sole occupant busy furiously mashing. Well. Something. Whether or not it was potatoes was still out to jury.

“Good evening, Malleus~!” Despite his cheer, his smile looked strained. “I was just feeling a bit bored, so I decided to prepare tomorrow’s dinner in advance! Would you care for a sample-”

“NO!!!”

“A pity.” Malleus felt his heart threatened to give out on him. “Oh! You should invite Kingscholar over tomorrow!”

“... And why is that-”

“Why not?”

“... Mm…” Normally, he wouldn’t be opposed to such an idea. If anything, it sent a sick thrill through him, the thought of seeing him agonize over the hell all of Diasomnia was forced to endure, night after night…

“... Heh heh… Heh heh heh…” … Alas, something about this felt too suspicious… It felt as if the man would actually DIE tomorrow, and Briar Valley didn’t exactly need a royal scandal on its hands…

“For Kingscholar’s sake, I shall politely decline.”

Lilia mashed the Notatoes even harder. Yes. That was the correct decision, indeed… (Though, now he was morbidly curious of what Kingscholar did…)

Chapter Text

“... I’m STARVING-MMPH…!!!” A hand shot over Sebek’s mouth. The only reason it wasn’t violently smacked off was because his Waka-Senses were tingling.

“Shh…!” He nodded violently, and only then was the hand removed. Sebek whipped his head towards Malleus, who was completely frozen.

“L-”

“SHH!”

“Mm…!” This time, Sebek covered his mouth, with both hands, to be on the safe side. Slowly, Malleus pointed to the table right outside the kitchen, where two bodies sat.

“... Zzz…”

“... Snnk…” Lilia and [Name] were completely unconscious, and a Feast (Questionable) was on the table before them. While they had nothing but the highest faith that [Name] did all they could to prevent Lilia from getting too reckless in the kitchen… Well, the roast duck did not appear to be a color that duck should be.

“...!”

“...”

This was a grave problem… If [Name] were to wake? They would try to shoo them away. However, at some point, Lilia had fallen against them. He would surely be jostled awake in the process, and upon seeing them? They would have no choice but to engage in a shared meal together… And while both held nothing but the highest affections towards the elder? Neither were feeling like another stomachache.

… That being said. The cafeteria was currently closed for a deep clean, The Lounge had been closed for an hour now, and with curfew, going into town wasn’t an option. (Malleus? He didn’t care. Sebek? He cared too much, and the former couldn’t exactly abandon him to starve now, could he?)

… It meant the only option was to scavenge for whatever they could…

“...” Sebek quietly tip-toed into the kitchen, doing his best not to click his heels, while Malleus simply floated through.

“... Mm…” Lilia’s nose twitched, and they froze. “... Mm…~” He simply readjusted. Even so, the two boy’s hearts pounded, and they waited far longer than necessary before continuing further.

“...” Malleus grabbed the handle of the fridge. As he pulled, it made a pop. “...!”

“...!!!” They whipped their heads towards Lilia. Nothing.

“”...”” Cramming close, they both frowned. There wasn’t so much as a scrap, only a pitiful pile of mushrooms, untouched in their bright-blue bin… However, just as they were about to close it, they noticed a casserole dish, hidden beneath ice trays near the bottom with a sticky note atop it’s lid.

‘Do NOT tell Lilia about this.’

They both looked over, to the unconscious human who’s back would surely hurt tomorrow from that chair, and gave them a silent salute. One day, they would have to repay such kindness, but that day was not today…

Sebek grabbed the dish, and Malleus quietly closed the fridge. The microwave was too risky. Malleus would have to reheat it with magic in his room. Hopefully, he remembered to replenish the silverware they hid in his dresser-

“...!!!” Not a single sound left Sebek’s throat, yet Malleus still jumped at its impact. He went to shoot a glare, only to freeze at the sight of someone blocking the entrance.

“... Zzz…” … Dear god… Of all times for Silver to sleepwalk… He chose now…?!

“...Mm…!!!” Silver didn’t so much as stir at his voice… If they tried moving him, he may wake, or possibly panic, and then Lilia would wake for sure…!

“... Ngh…!” Yet, Sebek turned to him in terror… Malleus couldn’t afford to NOT act, for his sake! He thought hard, what would work… Just what would be enough to get young Silver to move…?!

“...!” Carefully, he opened the fridge again, and plucked a single mushroom.

“...?” He pressed a finger to his lips as a reminder to Sebek, and carefully, very carefully, floated besides Silver.

“... Zzz…” He dangled the mushroom right before his nose. “... Mm…” Silver’s nose twitched at it’s scent, and he followed, so Malleus kept moving, guiding him away from the door.

“...!!!” Realizing his plan, Sebek bolted through the open passage, only stopping once he was down the hall. For a moment, Malleus thought himself abandoned, until a green head of hair popped around the wall.

‘LORD DRACONIA…!!!’ Even mouthing the words, it still felt as if they echoed through the halls-

*Thunk!*

Malleus bumped into the wall, and Silver smacked right atop of him.

‘AHHHHHHHHHHHH…!!!’

“Hu-” Malleus slammed his hand over Silver’s mouth. “MMGH…!”

“”SHH!!!”” Silver looked around in confusion, but the second he caught sight of Lilia, peacefully dozing away besides his newest health hazard, he shuddered. Sure of his compliance, Malleus released him, and the two carefully stepped away from the kitchen. Once they caught up with Sebek, only then, did they each allow themselves a single sigh.

“... Mm…?”

They bolted down the hall the second they heard his voice.

---

“... Mm…” Lilia sat up, rubbing his eyes. “Goodness… What time is it…?” He yawned thickly, deadly fangs glinting in the pale moonlight that shone through the windows, before glancing at the clock. “... Gyah…!”

It was late. LATE late…! And not a single person had come for dinner!!!

“... I see…” He got up from his seat, staring down at the duck he and [Name] spent hours preparing. “Those boys must have had plans… How unfortunate.” … Well! There was nothing to be done about it. All he could do now was wrap up everything for tomorrow. Surely the duck would be lovely for lunch…

“... Hm…” As he slipped it into the fridge, a layer of cling wrap over it, he glanced at [Name]. They worked so hard, wanting to impress the boys… How cruel this felt… Hopefully they wouldn’t take it too personally…

“... Hmph~” Despite his small stature, he picked them up into a bridal carry with ease. (Though, it did look a bit silly.) “I suppose that just means next time, we’ll have to make an even better dish to impress them, dear~”

He gave them a soft kiss on the cheek, leaving an imprint of cherry-flavored gloss, before making his way to his room, eager to continue his nap from where he left off.

Chapter Text

“... Mwah~!” I huffed at the tiny kiss upon my cheek.

“We’re supposed to be sleeping.”

“Are you?” I opened my eyes to stare at him.

“Unfortunately, I’m wide awake, and you aren’t helping with that.”

“How troublesome…” He shuffled in the sheets, moving to smush his face upon my chest. “I find myself full of energy as well… Nothing a glass of warm milk can’t fix!”

“Or melatonin gummies.”

“Or perhaps some soothing music would do…” We could try all those things, but we both had a feeling they’d backfire in some way… “Perhaps we could burn some energy with some exercise!”

“I am NOT doing jumping jacks at…” I glanced at the clock. “Geez…! It’s almost four in the morning!”

“Ah… No wonder sleep evades me. These are prime hours for gaming, you know?” I couldn’t say anything without being a hypocrite, so I simply kept my mouth shut. “... You know…” A hand, which had been resting so innocently on my waist, began to slip just a little lower. “Perhaps a little ‘midnight snack’ would help to tucker us out…”

“A-ah… Well…” He looked up, crimson irises glowing faintly in the dark room. “I suppose that’s something we could try…” His palm rested right outside my shorts, fingertips poking delicately into the waistband.

“Would you like to?” At the low, husky rasp of his words, I found myself speechless. When all I could do was cast my eyes away, slowly nodding, he grinned widely, fangs bared for me to see. “How cute…”

“S-shush…” He sat up, quickly climbing atop my lap, and with his other hand, gently held my face.

“Mm… I don’t think I will. It’s quite fun when you get mad at me.”

“Weirdo…” Yet, when he leaned down, pausing inches away from my face, I met him the rest of the way. “Mm…”

“Mhn…!” I slipped my hands through his hair, adoring how silky the choppy locks felt in my hands. He practically purred into the touch, leaning further into it as much as he could without breaking contact.

“So…” I pulled him away with a ‘pop.’ “Just what where you thinking of exactly, mister~?”

“Oh, anything works.” I tugged on his t-shirt, and he quickly pulled it off, tossing it somewhere onto the messy floor below. “Though, as I said… I’m feeling a tad partial to a midnight snack.”

“Well then…” I lifted my legs, helping him to wrestle my shorts off. “Snack as much as you like… As long as I’m tired, by the end of it~”

He licked his lips and disappeared under the covers, leaving me excited for this treat, but also the eventual sleep that’d finally find me.

Chapter Text

“Hey.” Lilia looked up from his book, finding Grim glaring at him from the floor, barely lit by his candlelight.

“Why, good evening, Grim! To what do I owe this pleasure~?” If the familiar was annoyed by his presence in the Guest Room, he said nothing. Instead, he glared harder.

“People’ve been saying you’re terrifying on Halloween, but I ain’t seen anything scary like they say!”

“Well, it’s not Halloween.”

“I’m talkin’ about the LAST few Halloweens.”

“It wouldn’t have been kind to scare the children.”

“Ah, shuddap…!” Lilia smiled, and returned to his book, sinking back into his quilt. “If you’re really so scary, prove it!”

“Mm…” He flipped to the next page. “No thank you.”

“NYAGH…?!” Grim hopped onto the couch, smacking down the book. “WHY NOT?!”

“Well, for starters, I simply don’t feel like it!”

“YOU ALWAYS FEEL LIKE SCARIN’ PEOPLE…!”

“Now, why would you think that~?” Lilia gently shoved him aside, returning to his literature. “Second, there’s no one to scare! Sure, I could use you as an example, but it’s much more fun to startle unsuspecting students.”

Just as he found his spot again, both their ears twitched. Lilia’s head whipped up on instinct, and Grim smirked.

“... Well~?” The book was snatched away. “Sounds like someone’s comin’ over here, yeah~?”

“... Haaah…” Realizing nothing would get done at this rate, Lilia tugged off the quilt. “Very well… Just this once, I shall indulge you.”

“Nyah~hah~!” The click… That was the front door’s lock, specifically. From how distant the footsteps were, it would be about a minute before they reached the Guest Room. To most, it was nothing, but for him?

“... Kuhuhu~”

He cracked his knuckles. He may as well commit fully to the bit…~

---

“... Haaah…” God… My head felt like it was going to explode… Hours of studying, and I feel like all I managed to do was fry my last few brain cells… I didn’t even bother turning the lights on. My eyes burned… I just wanted to go to bed…

“....uuuuuoouuuhhhgh…”

“... Huh?” I turned around. For just a second, I swore I heard something behind me… I clutched my bag close and backtracked, taking out my phone. “Hello…?”

I turned the flashlight on. Nothing but dust and a potted plant.

“... Interesting.” I must be hallucinating. “Oh well.” Since my phone was out, I just kept it, using it to light the way to my room. “Maybe one of the ghosts has a stomachache? … Can ghosts get stomachaches-”

A gust of wind flashed behind me. I whipped around, but nothing was there.

“... Sus…” I reached for my keys, putting them between my fingers. “... IS ANYONE THERE?!”

“... Uuoouuugha….” The sound was right next to me. I flashed my light, but to my front, beside, the side… No one was there!

“... Kehehe…~” The laughter sounded like hell itself, and with no other options, I slowly looked upwards…

“... WHAT THE-” On the ceiling was a wicked demon, its neck contorted at a vicious angle.

And it leapt.

“SHYAA-ACK!!! MY EYE-”

---

Grim watched from down the hallway, mindless munching on his popcorn.

“DIE, MONSTER! YOU DON’T BELONG IN THIS WORLD!!!”

“WAIT, WAIT, IT’S A MISUNDERSTANDING-” … It was kinda scary! He’d never have thunk of [Name] as any particularly strong person, but Lilia was barely holding their hand back from putting multiple keyholes in his chest. “[NAME], IT’S ME…!!!”

“I DON’T BELIEVE YOU!!!”

“WH-IS THERE ANYONE ELSE WHO COULD DO THIS…?!” He cleared his throat, and fluttered his delicate lashes, eyes wider than even the most pitiful puppy’s.

“... Oh god. You’ve possessed Lilia and he’s too far gone to come back.” A shadow cast over their eyes. “Killing is not enough to avenge him. We need levels of violence previously unknown to man-”

“I ALREADY TOLD YA IT’S ME, HONEY…!!!”

… Was that idiot blushing?? Freak.

Chapter Text

I stared at my textbook. Then him. Then my textbook. And realized I really couldn’t resist anymore.

“... Oh…!” Everytime I saw him without tights or long pants, I thought the same exact thing…

“... Why are your legs so smooth?!” They weren’t just smooth. They were SOFT… With a light squish to them that made them so comfortable… And yet, there was still that undeniable muscle if you REALLY paid attention…

“I’m not sure what to tell you, dear.” He got comfortable, completely unphased as I continued feeling him along. “They’ve always been like this.”

“Okay, that’s a flat out lie, and we both know it.” I grabbed the second leg. Yep. Just as perfect.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about~”

“Vanrouge’s legs are pure muscle…! We can literally prove this!!!”

“But! Are they still smooth?”

“... Tch…” They were… His legs were also as smooth as sharks… “Fine, you win. It’s easier this way.” I shoved both of his legs off my lap. “Well, we should probably wrap up for the day-”

“No fair~!” Leg #1 and #2 latched right around my waist.

“Hey…!” It was embarrassing, how easily he yanked me into his arms…

“How could you leave so soon~?”

“Uh, because it’s getting late?”

“Even tonight…~?” He pouted, looking as pathetic as possible.

“Lilia. We have classes tomorrow.”

“There’s something else tomorrow, too…” … Even more pathetic… I feel like I was missing something here…

“... Oh!” I checked the clock. It was near midnight, which only meant one thing. “New Year’s. I forgot.”

“...”

“Wait, why’re you getting off the bed?” With a dramatic sigh, he pretended to lay on the ground and die. “... New game event?”

“Weh…”

“Lucky bags…?”

“Wegh……”

“... Man, you can’t do this to me. I already told you about the horses today…!” In response, I received a very hammed up hack of his lungs. “... Well… I suppose he finally kicked the bucket… And he was so young, too…” I just grabbed my textbook, slipping it into my bag with the rest of my belongings.

“I’ll have to break the news to Diasomnia… Oh, they’ll be SO heartbroken, but what else can I do?” I approached his corpse, giving it a poke with my foot for good measure. Nothing. I just kept walking for the door.

“I’ll have to return these Draculauretta guitar picks I bought for his birthday, too… You know… Since no one’ll use them now-” I expected him to grab my ankle, but the speed and force of it nearly knocked me to my knees.

“GIVE ME THE PICKS.”

“NOT EVEN A THANK YOU…?!” He started crawling towards me… Instead of the sweet, kind man, a father of three I once knew… It was a hellish beast that looked towards me. “... Back…” I tried getting away, but I couldn’t break free of his grip. “G-GET BACK, FOUL BEAST…!”

---

“GYAAAAAAAAAAAAH…!!!”

They all shared a look. Hesitantly, Sebek reached for the knob, but Malleus shook his head.

“We shall delay our celebrations for ten minutes.”

“B-but-”

“Malleus is right, Sebek.” Hearing the crashes within, Silver just sighed. He’d have to apologize in the morning to the surrounding students… “I think it would be best to let father and [Name] resolve… Whatever this is, themselves…”

It was at that moment Malleus’ ears twitched. He looked horrified.

“”... Milord?””

“COVER YOUR EARS, NOW!!!”

“”Huh…? (What…?!)””

Alas, they did not heed his advice, but in their defense, at the piercing shriek of Lilia’s Birthday Rift, Malleus’ own advice was basically worthless.

Chapter Text

“... Hm…” The coupon was for a free cocktail at a sport’s bar. They were giving them out in town to advertise their seasonal menu… But the flavor sounded concerning to try… It was red, though… I checked the calendar.

It was January 1st.

I checked the expiration date.

It was also January 1st.

“... Mmghm…” I didn’t want to just WASTE it… But Lilia was probably busy today… Even if he wasn’t, it’d been snowing all day… Well, I guess shooting a non-committal text wouldn’t hurt.

‘Hey, I got a coupon for a cocktail. If you’re not busy tonight, are you interested?’

‘It’s at Oakey’s.’ I tossed my phone onto the bed. If he even got the chance to respond, it wouldn’t be until later…

“... Eh.” I just got comfortable. “If it expires, it expires. Not much I can do about that.” Maybe I’d just take a nap, instead…

---

“HENCHMAAAAAAAAAN.”

“...Zzz…”

“WAKE UP.”

“... Mmleh…” Something was kneading my face… “What…?”

“Some girl’s at the door.”

“... What.” My eyes snapped open. “What do you mean there’s a GIRL???”

“How am I supposed t’know…?!” I checked the time. It was almost midnight. “Wait, how the hell did a non-student even get on CAMPUS this late…?!”

“Did ya piss someone off in town??”

“NO.” … Wait. The holiday clearance sale… “... Okay, maybe.” Grim looked out the window.

“She’s still there-”

“WHY IS SHE STILL HERE…?!” I crammed next to him. True to his word, a ridiculously cute and stylish girl was at the door, mindlessly tapping along her phone. “IT’S FREEZING…! HOW IS SHE IN A SKIRT LIKE THAT?!”

“JUST TELL ‘ER TO SCRAM, ALREADY…!” His gem clinked as he trotted back into the room. “SOME of us are tryin’ to get some sleep, here…!”

“FINE, FINE…!” I didn’t even bother with a jacket. There wasn’t a point of it as I zipped down the stairs. I took one last peek out the window, and yep. There she was.

... Oh god. She noticed me. Why was she SMILING at me…?!

“... Haaah… Okay.” I opened the door. Immediately, I was blasted with Winter Chill, which only made me hold greater respect (and concern) for her choice of clothing tonight. “... Um…” She fluttered her lashes… There really was no reason for a girl this sweet to be in the cursed hell known as NRC…

“I’m sorry, miss. I have no idea how you ended up here, but if you’re lost, I can give you directions, at least…”

“Oh, wonderful!” … Wait a fucking MINUTE-

“... No.” He did a little twirl.

“Isn’t it cute~? I got it on BOGO-”

“WHY ARE YOU DRESSED LIKE THAT WHEN IT’S SNOWING…?! … AND GET IN HERE!”

“Oh, thank Seven…!” He quickly shuffled in, sighing in bliss at the warmth of Ramshackle. “And to answer your question, Oakey’s.”

“... What.” He took a seat beside the fireplace, rubbing his hands together.

“Oakey’s. You invited me, yes?”

“I invited y-LILIA. THAT WAS HOURS AGO.”

“Well, I checked their hours, and they’re still open~”

“THAT DOESN’T EXPLAIN YOUR CLOTHES…!”

“Oh, yes.” He stretched his legs, adjusting his stockings. “It’s Ladies’ Night!”

“You are a grown ass man.”

“Ah, ah! I am a grown ass WOMAN.” I just stared.

“... Look. Be real with me. Are you really changing your pronouns for a SINGLE NIGHT. Just for a discount when we already have a coupon.”

“Yes.”

“... So only she/her tonight?”

“Just when there’s employees is fine.”

“Cool. Also, WHY DIDN’T YOU USE YOUR HOUSE KEY?!?!” He just poked his fingers together with a cute face.

“I wanted to surprise you…”

… Idiot…

---

“A table for two, please.”

“... Lilia.” He just batted his lashes at the server. “Are we REALLY doing this again?”

“... Oh god… You mean this ISN’T the first time he’s done this…?” They just pointed to the wall. There was a photo of Lilia with a different outfit and wig doing a keg stand. I just slowly turned to look at him. “Girl.”

“This is the fifth time in months.”

“GIRL...” He just tugged on my sleeve with a smile.

“(C’mere.)” I leaned close, letting him whisper in my ear. “(Tell them we want a table near the TV. The BIG one. The Alicscar Grand Prix should be starting soon-)”

“I’m NOT doing that.” He looked up at me with such wide, vibrant eyes, made brighter by his shimmering makeup and mascara… “... If it’s not a bother, could we have a table by-”

“Yeah, yeah, the TV.”

“(Yaaaay~)” I was glad he was having such a great time, at least…

---

“Al~right! I got those drinks right here!” A nice glass of [drink] was placed beside me, and the Cocktail of Dubious Content next to Lilia. “Have you guys decided on anything else?” Lilia leaned next to me again.

“(Oakey fries, EXTRA ketchup.)”

“Yeah.”

“(The Lil’ Chiky sandwich. Spicy.)”

“Do you want extra tomato?”

“(Ooh~ You know me so well~)” I turned back to the server with a smile. I’m guessing he was new, because he seemed to be the only one who didn’t know Lilia, and was trying very hard (and failing) not to check him out. Poor guy… (Unless he also liked older goths.)
.
“The lady will have a spicy Lil’ Chiky sandwich with a side of Oakey fries.”

“Ketchup?” I passed him Lilia’s menu.

“Yes. And extra on that and the tomatoes.”

“Got it, extra-”

“However much you think is enough, it’s not.” He hesitated. “The kitchen should know what to do. Just tell them it’s Lilia.”

“Ooookay…!” He wrote that down. “For you?” I pointed to my own menu.

“This one here! Sorry, I can’t read the language…” He squinted, and quickly jolted it down.

“Alright~! I’ll make sure to get that ready for you-”

“(AHEM.)” I was gently nudged.

“Oh…!” Lilia pretended to be distracted as I leaned towards the server. “(I almost forgot… It’s my girlfriend’s birthday today…)”

“(Ahh, I gotcha~!)” With that, he disappeared into the panic of customers. Even if it was technically January 2nd now, people were still living it up like it was December 31st.

“... Ooh~!” Lilia pointed to his drink, where a little acorn in a santa hat was hooked around the straw. “Mine came with a little charm~!”

“What…?! No fair…!”

“Teehee~” … Maybe I should get a ridiculous novelty drink…

“THEY SAID IT’S FOR SOMEONE NAMED LILIA…?!” Hearing his name, we looked towards the kitchen. The chef stepped out, and upon spotting us, just solemnly nodded his head.

---

“... I don’t get how you can enjoy this.” He looked confused. And terrifying as he bit violently into his Lil’ Chicky that was more tomato than chicky.

“Mmhm??”

“It’s just cars…! Not just cars, a BUNCH of cars running in circles…! It ain’t even good for the environment…!” He didn’t bother swallowing, only shielding his mouth as he spoke.

“While I agree on the environmental aspect, I also enjoy seeing these things burst into flames.”

“What if someone gets hurt…?!”

“... Well, I SUPPOSE that’s bad, but…” He swallowed, licking his lips clean. “I think the pros outweigh the cons in this instance~! That’s just the consequence of hubris, you know~”

“ARE YOU INSANE??”

“Eheh~” … For some reason, he was scarier than usual right now… And I felt like it wasn’t just the pronouns…

“W-well…” Time to change the subject! “What else do you like about these things?”

“Well, they’re loud, and you can feel the energy rush through every last vein with each and every lap! It reminds me of a good concert!” There was a scoff a table over.

“What about the CARS…?!” The woman held up a finger, taking an elegant sip of her own drink. “And not just them exploding, but EVERYTHING…! If I had the chance to drive in one of those bad boys… UGH…!”

“Haha~ Well, it ain’t too late to change careers, Divus~!” I just stared at Sam, who was… Well. Sam. But Professor Crewel…

“Sir…”

“Yes, puppy?” I was so tired, suddenly.

“Why are YOU attending Ladies’ Night…?!” He just raised a brow.

“It’s Ladies’ Night?” … You know what. That one was on me. I mean, look at him. “Also, while I would PREFER to continue my nice evening with Sam…” … Oh no… “It seems SOME PUPPIES need to be lectured on the TRUE appeal of Alicscar…!”

… Maybe if I used the restroom excuse, I could pay the bill and scramble back to NRC…

“... Wait, ain’t it curfew? What ARE you kids doin’ out here-”

“Not now Sam! This is IMPORTANT.”

… Nope. I wasn’t escaping this…

Chapter Text

“Silver!”

“...”

“SILVER!!!”

“Ah…!” His vision came back into focus, but a baton still bopped him on the head.

“It’s enough that you fall asleep all the time… Why are you now DISSOCIATING…!?”

‘Sorry, Sebek. I was just… Thinking…” He received a scoff.

“Thinking.” Sebek glanced around the empty training room. “About WHAT…?!”

“Father…”

“... Oh.” The baton, which he had been waving around recklessly, was now gently tucked away. “In that case, I suppose I’ll hear you out…”

“You don’t have to-”

‘SPEAK.”

“... Heh.” Really… Sometimes, Silver didn’t know what he’d do if he didn’t have someone so amazing by his side. “Well… I suppose my problem is less with father, and with someone else-”

“NO LONGER SPEAK TO ME-”

“It’s about [Name].”

“... YOU MAY CONTINUE SPEAKING JUST A LITTLE LONGER.”

“Thanks.” Silver slipped away his own baton. “I’ve been thinking… They’ve been in a relationship with him for a long time now.”

“Yes. It’s unfortunately VERY obvious.” Sometimes, the two were so gushy it made him sick… (Homesick, specifically, but no one could know that.)

“Well… He’s my father…”

“Yes?? And???”

“... If they’re THIS serious… Would that ALSO make them my parent?”

“THAT’S-... Ah.” Stunned in silent, Sebek thought deeply for a few minutes. “I know someone who can answer this.”

---

“... Hm…” Malleus hadn’t considered such a possibility… And yet, the two were watching him so intensely… He had to give them an answer, but he didn’t want to LIE to them… No, he had to trick them, but in a way that was obvious, and simply made it appear he was HIDING that information-

“YOU DON’T KNOW EITHER, LORD MALLEUS…?!”

“I-I DID NOT SAY THAT…!”

“In his defense, milord, it’s been ten minutes.”

“... Ah.” … Well. There goes his ego. “Fine. I shall admit. I have no answer for you…”

“IF YOU DON’T HAVE AN ANSWER, THEN WHO WOULD…?!” Malleus went quiet again. The two prepared themselves for another ten minutes, but luckily, this time only took him one.

“There is someone on this campus who can help us.”

“”Who? (WHO…?!)””

---

“Pardon our intrusion.” As he entered, Malleus knocked three times, as he was told was customary. Trein looked up, as did Ashengrotto.

“Ahaha~ Malleus~” Sebek twithced, hearing such casual behavior, but stayed put. “You’re supposed to knock, then wait for PERMISSION to enter…!”

“I see. I shall remember this for future reference.” He was already inside now though, so there was no point in delaying, especially on such crucial matters. “Professor.”

“Draconia, I am currently occupied-”

“If one has held romantic affairs with your parent for quite some time, does this also make them your parent?” At that, Azul perked up.

“Ah, Malleus…! You should have simply asked me! I’m in a similar situation, after all-”

“I did not ask you.”

“... Ahaha…” Azul slunk in his seat, but they could hear him mumble. Not what he said, but it was something derogatory, at the very least.

“... My apologies, Ashengrotto-”

“No, it’s alright! I’m sure such matters won’t take long at all!” Trien thought deeply about the question. After all, he WAS the parent in question. He could give input, but it would be nowhere near as valuable as his stepdaughters’... At best, he could give an educated guess on why they welcomed him into their lives.

“Do not take my word as law. It is merely advice.” Everyone leaned close. “I would say… What determines whether you see them as a parent is not a matter of blood, but a matter of respect.”

“Respect?” Lucious nodded his head in agreement.

“Do they treat you fairly? Engage in your interests? Make an effort beyond their partner to learn about you as an individual, while taking care not to overstep any boundaries?” At that, Silver couldn’t help but ask,

“What do you mean by ‘boundaries…?’”

“... Hm…” Azul’s smile was becoming more and more forced by the second. “I do believe it would be best for Ashengrotto to explain that one-”

“Of course, Professor~! I shall do my best to explain in a manner that my peers can comprehend-”

“START TALKING.” After mumbling a quick ‘for Seven’s sake…!’ Azul cleared his throat.

“When my stepfather began dating my mother, one of the most important things he did was respect me not as a child, but as my mother’s son.”

“””... Go on…””” The lights shut off (much to everyone’s confusion and mild irritation) and a spotlight suddenly shone on Azul.

“It was a difficult time… I was such a young boy, you know? Already, I was going through so much with my peers, and now my mother was bringing a new person into my life? Why, I was furious…! She hadn’t asked if I’d wanted a new father, it felt as if I were just EXPECTED to accept this person into my life…

But…!

He didn’t treat me as his child.

You see, dear listeners, he understood that trying to force his presence into my life would do more harm than good… So as he introduced himself, as ‘the man dating your mother,’ there was a strange sense of relief… In just that moment, he confirmed he had no plans to replace my current father, or force himself into my life… Which, in turn, made me MORE willing to engage with him!

Over time, as we got to know each other, and I grew into a mature adult, I realized that even if we weren’t related by blood, his presence in my life was something I came to appreciate so much, that I was not only willing, but WISHED to consider him a paternal figure in my life… To quote that one viral tweet on MagiCam, ‘He was not the stepfather, he was the father that stepped up.’

Thank you.”

Azul bowed to a thunderous applause, and even a bouquet tossed on stage.

“... Ashengrotto.”

“Yes, Professor?”

“How long have the Leeches been here?”

There was a groan from the closet.

---

“Oh, hey guys!”

“It looks like you boys have been busy~” They all shared a look, nodding one last time in agreement.

“Ah, we’ve just been spending time together, father… A-and…” It was just one word, and yet… The weight of it was suffocating in his throat… “A-and…” Malleus placed a hand on his shoulder.

“What Silver is trying to say is…” … Strange… It felt as if the word died on his throat…

“(LORD MALLEUS…?!)” He cleared his throat. He waved away the thick cloud of smog that came with it, and tried again. “...?!”

He couldn’t say it…?

“Are you guys okay-”

“”WE’RE FINE.””

“Geez, okay…!” They glanced at Lilia, but he just shrugged. Never a good sign!

“...!!” Silver looked seconds away from passing out.

“...!!!” Malleus meanwhile, looked seconds away from committing a homicide from his annoyance. At this point, Lilia just sighed.

“Sebek, what in Twisted Wonderland is going on, here-”

“THEY’RE TRYING TO CALL [NAME] [MOTHER/FATHER]...!”

“”Sebek…! (SEBEK!!!)””

“I-I’M SORRY…!!!”

“BOYS???” It would be an under-exaggeration to say [Name] didn’t react in the slightest. But for their shake, we’d say they were cool and awesome, and didn’t look completely gobsmacked.

“Wait wait wait wait hold on here-” All eyes were on them, desperate for their reaction. “... Why’re you guys calling me that?” They all looked to the floor. “I’M NOT MAD!!! Just… Genuine question!!!”

“You’ve been father’s partner for a long time now…”

“And as Trein said, you treat us fairly, engage in our interests while making an effort to learn about us as individuals, while respecting our boundaries. Even Ashengrotto supported his claims…”

“I’ve only ever had one parent, so I don’t think you’d be a step-parent-”

“And he never had the luxury of meeting his others, so the second title is uncontested… Which means…”

“”YOU’RE HIS [MOTHER/SECOND FATHER]-””

“GUYS YOU DON’T HAVE TO CALL ME THAT.”

“”... Eh? (Ah?)”” … I had a feeling I needed to talk to Azul, but LATER.

“You two… I put a hand on each shoulder. “I appreciate it, I really do, but just because all the boxes have been checked doesn’t mean you HAVE to feel that way about me.”

“... Really?”

“But the rules-”

“You can’t define family by rules. It’s defined by you.” I smiled, hoping to god it didn’t look horrifically awkward. “Hell, I could just be [Name] for the rest of your lives if you’re never comfortable with it. You won’t be hurting my feelings, but even if it did, tough luck! YOUR feelings come first in a situation like this, alright?”

“... I see…”

“Such wisdom… (Lilia could learn more from you-)”

“What was that?”

“Nothing.” Lilia huffed, but this wasn’t about him right now.

“Alright, are we good now?”

“”Yes…””

“Then let’s bring it in for a hug!” … No one was moving. “... Okay! No one wants a hug, post cancelled-”

“Yaaay~!!!” Lilia crammed into me from behind.

“M-my lungs…!” … It was painful, but I was more thankful he spared me from the embarrassment- “Oh…!”

“... Hahaha…” I wasn’t… Actually expecting Silver to join in, much less anyone-”

“Ugh…! FINE, but don’t get used to it…!”

“GYACK…!” M-MY SPINE…! … But now, that only left one person… “M-Malleus…”

“Ah, no, I…” I waved him over.

“If you don’t want to, it’s fine, but you’re part of the family too, right?”

“... Yes.” Somehow, he out-awkward’d Silver. He looked more robotic than anything as he joined the group hug. It wasn’t until he looked around, seeing everyone’s joy that he allowed himself to relax. “You’re right… I’m just… Not used to such shows of affection…”

“Oh, me neither, so we can both be embarrassed about this later.”

“... Ahaha, I suppose we shall.” It was… Actually pretty cold… Sometimes, I forgot only Silver was pure human… But I wouldn’t trade it for the world…

“... Alright! That’s enough-”

“Boo…~!”

“Lilia, my bones hurt.”

“Five more seconds.”

“... Fine…” ONLY because it was a special occasion…

---

“They truly love you, [Name].”

“... Eh?” They looked up from the infirmary bed. When Crewel checked the x-rays, he was stunned speechless… Well, it was funny, at least. Neither of them knew he could look that horrified.

“Oh, nothing~ Just rambling to myself, here!”

“... Alright… But you at least ramble while getting me some juice? I’m thirsty…”

“Of course, dear.” He fixed the blankets around them, giving them a chaste kiss on the forehead. “I’ll be back soon, so relax.”

“Love youuu.”

“Haha, as I you, [Name].” He departed from the Infirmary towards the school shop. Sure, he could teleport, but the extra time to think was nice…

“... Who would have thought?” There was an extra skip in his step. “Malleus… Accepting a hug, much less a group one…” It took all his might not to gasp when he felt Malleus’ hand upon his back, with a faint tremble. He must have been terrified…!

“... Bringing him to Night Raven College truly was the best decision of my life…”

Chapter Text

It was a calm, gentle evening in Diasomnia… Malleus was at peace, eyes gently shut as long, bony fingers gently ran along the fingerboard of his cello playing improvised melodies to his heart’s content, as Sebek and Silver listened with smiles, working on their assignments. It was nice, seeing everyone just enjoy each other’s company… Usually, someone was always stressed about something or the other.

“*... Bzzt!*” No one said a word, but Malleus did raise a brow.

“My apologies.” With a few precise taps, he moved to switch his phone to ‘Do Not Disturb,’ until he saw the sender. Sparing a glance around, he checked the message, unable to resist a smile.

‘Hey there, handsome.’

‘I got a box of popsicles with your name on it…’

‘🫣’ He found himself typing back without thinking.

‘Oh my! What flavor, pray tell?’

‘A whole rainbow’s worth…’

‘Budget, or name brand?’

‘A bit of both…’

‘... How many popsicles did you buy?’

‘Too many. I was a bit silly and let the demons take over, and I really do need help with eating all these. We don’t have enough room in the freezer for thSTAYTHEHECKAWAYFROMRAMSHACKLE’

‘Good evening, Grim. I will disregard your threat now.’

‘THEYREMYPOPSICLESSORRY.’

‘SORRY I GOT MY PHONE BACK.’

‘Please come over.’

‘We’re rotating the boxes in the freezer to keep them cool but this isn’t a viable solution.’

‘... Hm…’ Abandon the peace and quiet with his family to assist his sweet with sweets? Or leave them to fend an incoming brain freeze and stomach ache by themselves? What a difficult decision…

‘... May I make a request?’

‘Yeah?’

‘May I invite the boys?’

‘PLEASE.’ … Wonderful! That was settled!

“Well now!” He hopped up from his seat, drawing all eyes to him. “Which one of you boys want some popsicles-”

“ME!!!” Realizing his outburst, Malleus cleared his throat. “... I would enjoy a popsicle.”

“IF LORD MALLEUS WANTS ONE, THEN I SHALL HAVE ONE!!!”

“I would also enjoy one. Are we going to town for them?” Supplies were neatly tucked away, and the cello was placed carefully back into its ornate case.

“Oh, no, no. It will be just a short walk away!” With an about face, Lilia strolled out the door. “To Ramshackle~!!”

“”Yes sir…!”” Three sets of heels clicked along the old stone floors, with the first unable to resist a skip, excited at the prospect of spending the evening with-...

“... Wait…” Lilia looked back, realizing someone was missing. “Where did Malleus go…?!”

-----

“WHY DID YOU GIVE ‘EM OUR POPSICLES…?!”

“Grim, we CAN’T keep doing switcharoos…!”

“THEN JUST LEMME EAT ‘EM ALL…!”

“Last time I let you do that, you cried all night.”

“THAT WAS ONE TIME…!!!”

“Look, we’re sharing with Lilia’s family, and that’s FINAL.”

“NYAGH…!!!” He smacked over a nearby candle. It wasn’t lit or anything. It wasn’t even in glass. Honestly, if he was gonna make a show of dramatic violence, it was the least harmful thing he could have knocked over in the vicinity. However, the sudden jolt of thunder that make our spines rattle was the exact opposite.

“PICK THAT UP. NOW.” … WHEN THE HELL DID MALLEUS GET HERE…?!

‘DON’T TELL ME WHAT TO DO!!!”

“THEN YOU SHOULD NOT DISRESPECT [LAST NAME]!!!”

“WHY DO YOU EVEN CARE?!?! JUST SHADDAP AND EAT ALL OUR STUPID POPSICLES, YOU BIG IDIOT…!”

“What did you call me, you pathetic miscreant…?!”

… Maybe I should’ve just let Grim eat all the popsicles again…

Chapter Text

We both came to a stop at the patch of sand. It was just far enough from the coastline that no unsuspecting waves would catch us off guard, but still close enough to offer a scenic view, and the nice, salty scent of the crisp waves… And of course, most importantly, it was out of sight, but within reasonable walking distance of the pier, so if we decided the provisions we packed weren’t sustainable, we could easily get more.

“... I’ll get the umbrella.”

“Then I’ll grab some cocktails for us~”

“Seriously…?!” I looked to my right, but he was already gone. “Man…! We just got here… At least wait a few minutes…!” … Well. I don’t know what I expected. Of course that man would want a fruity drink at a time like this… I just chuckled, busying myself with setting the parasol into the sand when someone rushed beside me.

“... HENCHMAN!” Grim’s leg floaties squeaked with each and every step he took. “GET THIS STUPID VEST OFF ME…!”

“No.”

“MALLEUS IS MAKIN’ FUN OF ME…!”

“Can you guarantee me that if I remove your life vest, you will not immediately drown and die trying to catch a fish?”

“YEAH…!”

“... Liar.”

“AT LEAST GET ME A COOL LOOKIN’ ONE…!”

“No. Now sunscreen.”

“... Nyeeeghghgh…” He got onto his hind legs and spread his arms. Because I was kind and merciful, I splurged and bought the spray kind for him.

“Close your eyes and mouth.”

“Mmhgmhmghmgmm…!” He shut them both ridiculously tight, and only then did I spray all around him. “... Mm?”

“Yes, you can open them.”

“HAAAAAAAH…!” I just raised a brow as I rubbed the spray into his skin and fur.

“Were you holding your breath??”

“That stuff tastes NASTY, of course I was! Now hurry up!!!”

“Alright, alright…! We’re almost done…” I wiped the excess on my legs and smiled. “There we go! Now go have fun, but not TOO much fun, Grim.”

“Maybe I could if SOMEONE-” He looked over his shoulder towards where Malleus stood. Unlike everyone else, who opted for casual shirts and swimsuits, he was wearing a wetsuit and the darkest boardwalk clothing I’d ever seen. (From so far, you could mistake him for a random black pillar, rather than an actual person…) “-WOULD STOP BOTHERING ME!!!”

“... Fine…” I cleared my throat. “MALLEUS. STOP MAKING FUN OF GRIM’S VEST.”

“I HAVE DONE NO SUCH THING.”

… Dear god. Please don’t let this be a long day…

---

“LILIA…!!!” Neither of us twitched from our respective towels, even as Sebek skidded to a stop, kicking sand over our bodies.

“Yes, child?”

“GRIM…!”

“What about Grim?”

“HE TRIED EATING AN OCTOPUS…!” … Haaah…

“Alright, I’m going-”

“No, no, no…” Lilia tugged me back down. “You’re all grown boys. You can handle this.”

“Lilia-”

“They can handle it, [Name]. I have faith in them.” Sebek glanced back towards the rocks, where the distinct sound of slapstick violence could be heard.

“Ah, Lilia… It’s a VERY angry octopus…”

“So?”

“Silver’s TRYING to talk it down, but… Well….!” I sat up again.

“Alright, I’ll get my bo-YAH…!” Yet again, my back met towel. “Lilia…! I need to help Grim-”

“They can handle it…!”

“But-”

“Sebek.” He stood tall at attention. With a complete lack of energy, Lilia pointed towards his beach back with a single, lax hand. “Over there.”

“Yes…?!”

“Open it.” He nearly ripped the zipper clean out with raw strength. “... Huh…?!” He pulled out a distinct cleaver, crafted with pure magestone of the highest quality.

“Take that, and if it refuses peaceful methods again, use it.”

“I-I can’t use THIS on a mere OCTOPUS…!”

“If I have to go over there and do it myself, Sebek-”

“THANK YOU, SIR…!!!” He rushed off, kicking more sand over our bodies.

“... Not to question your parenting, but was that really the right thing to do…?” He just reached for his sangria with a smile.

“Haven’t lost a child yet, dear~!” There was a harrowing scream. Free of his intervention, I sat up and moved my sunglasses to see better.

“FUCK…!”

“Mm?”

“THE OCTOPUS GOT THE CLEAVER…!”

“WHAT?!?!” We both scrambled to our feet. “QUICK, GRAB THE POCKET KNIFE…!”

“WHAT THE FUCK IS A POCKET KNIFE GONNA DO AGAINST AN OCTOPUS, DUMBASS…?!”

---

“... This doesn’t feel right.” All I could do was give Silver a remorseful look.

“If you don’t want to eat the takoyaki, you don’t have to, Silver.” He looked to Sebek and Grim, who chowed down as if neither of their heads were nearly cut off by a cephalopod. “We have sandwiches in the cooler.”

“I’d prefer a sandwich, thank you-”

“Hey, can I have your taiyaki?”

“IT’S ‘TAKOYAKI,’ IDIOT…!”

“TAIYAKI, TAKOYAKI, THEY’RE BOTH FISH THINGS, YEAH?!”

“Oh, tuna and salmon are both the same thing, yeah~??”

“Nyah…?! Of course not-”

‘THAT’S WHAT YOU SOUND LIKE, IDIOT!!!” Silver just gave each of them half his takoyaki. “Ah…!”

“HA HA~!!” In silence, Malleus looked to his own plate with a huff.

“Who made the sandwiches?” Lilia smiled.

“I made the takoyaki, and [Name] made the sandwiches!”

“I see.” He passed his plate to Sebek, who gasped. “I will also have sandwiches.”

“Et tu, Malleus…?!” With a wave of the hand, the cooler was brought to his side. “Now, what’s so wrong with my takoyaki…?! Sebek and Grim seem to think it’s delicious…!”

“Oh, nothing’s wrong with it.” He popped open the lid, sifting through the different sandwich bags. “I simply do not trust you.”

“What…?!” He plucked one bag, eyeing it suspiciously. “[Name], pardon my ignorance, but is this tuna salad?” Grim’s head whipped back, eyes turning to narrow slits.

“Yeah, but there’s other kinds, so don’t worry-”

“I want this one.”

“THOSE ARE MINE…!!!” Malleus just looked him dead in the eyes as he opened the bag, taking a giant bite. “HENCHMAN…!!!”

“It’s okay, Grim! I packed more!”

“... Good.” He reached for the cooler, only for it to slam shut. “NYAGH…!”

“Don’t be greedy. You already have takoyaki.”

“YOU’RE THE ONE HOGGIN’ UP ALL OF THE SANDWICHES…!!!” Realizing nothing would get done at this rate, I nudged Lilia’s shoulder.

“Mm?” I nudged my head towards Malleus and Grim smacking each other. “Ah, I see, I see…” He cracked his neck, and then his knuckles. “... Well, that was a lovely meal~! Now, who’s up for a bit of friendly competition! First one to find the prettiest shell wins-”

“”MOVE…!!!”” Sand blasted all over us, completely covering our food… Well. Save the sandwiches in the cooler.

“... Well then.” Lilia blinked a few times, more sand fluttering off his lashes. “Does anyone want juice?” Sebek raised his hand.

“I would also like a sandwich.” Since he was closest, Silver opened the cooler.

“What would you like?”

“... Is there roast beef?” He rustled around a bit, before pulling a bag out for him. “HAH!”

---

“... Hey, Lilia?”

“Yes, dear?” I rolled onto my side to face him.

“Is it just me, or have Malleus and Grim been fighting a lot more, lately?” He took one last sip of his drink, before placing it aside, shifting to rest his face on his arms.

“Well, in Malleus’ defense, Grim can be a very annoying child.”

“I know, but… Something about it feels… Different.”

“Oh? How so?” Hearing shouts, I sat up. On the other side of the beach, I could barely make out Malleus screeching as he pathetically tried to rip Grim (and his claws) out of his face, two backs chock-full of shells besides them.

“Well… Before, it feels like when the two fought, Malleus was more apathetic about it. That, or he was lightly teasing him, and it was directed at both of us...” Grim was slammed onto the ground, but quickly sprung back to his feet, running circles around Malleus. “Now he just feels… Petty. Towards him, specifically.”

“And Grim?”

“Not gonna lie, I think Grim’s genuinely the victim here.”

“... You’re serious?”

“I would not be bringing this up with you if I wasn’t genuinely concerned.”

“... I see…” Now he sat up, removing his sunglasses. In silence, we both just watched the two for a while. Either Malleus forgot he could use magic, or was making the deliberate decision not to, which was the only reason Grim was still in the running. “... Did you do anything with him recently?”

“Not that I can think of…?”

“Gargoyle Research Club?”

“I mean, nothing new. I’ve been attending them on occasion as I have since a bit after I arrived here.”

“Strange…”

“I mean. There was the whole thing with Silver, but that’s the only thing I can think of…”

““... Ah…!”” Our eyes went wide.

“Perhaps he’s accepted you as a parental figure…?!”

“And his random beef towards Grim’s actually jealousy or something…!?”

“No, perhaps he’s trying to cement his position as the eldest sibling…!” Both the boys collapsed from exhaustion, completely covered in scratches and bites.

“... Nah.”

“Yes, it really is quite foolish of us.”

“There’s no way Malleus would act so childish over something like THAT…”

“... Yes… Not a single chance…”

“...”

“......”

“.........”

“Perhaps we should have a discussion with him. Just to be safe.”

“Yeah. And prove this really is over nothing.”

“... After another drink-”

“Make that two.”

… Yep. Just like usual, it’d be another long day… At least the cocktails at the nearby bar were good…

Chapter Text

“... The coast is clear!!!”

“Go go go…!!!”

We both tugged our hoodies and masks higher, concealing our faces as we made a break for the school gates. You would assume we were trying to sneak out. We were not. If anything, we were going to be back before curfew. The problem is that we both wanted to see a movie this weekend, but OTHER people wanted to make plans with us today, but if we said “Sorry! Busy!” they would not only pry until we snapped, but also say either “too bad, cancel!” or “oh, sweet, I’ll tag along!” and quite frankly, neither of us felt like being chaperones or students today!

… So obviously, we lied and said we were going to the DMV. No one ever wanted to go to the DMV… So we just needed to not get caught!

“... Wait.” I froze in my tracks, right before the gates. Lilia turned back in surprise, taking his own stop right past them.

“Don’t tell me… You’ve changed your mind…?!”

“Oh. God no. I just realized though… Why did we use the DMV as an excuse for YOU? You don’t have a license!”

“... Keheheh~” He pulled out his wallet, sifting through countless crumpled bills, worn photos, and loyalty punch cards, before eventually whipping out an honest to god driver’s license.

“... Wait, you actually have one…?!”

“The clerks downtown wouldn’t believe me whenever I tried buying alcohol. It was simply less time and effort taking a class and test for the physical proof…”

“... You literally just use it for alcohol???”

“Sometimes the club!” … Well, in his defense, ACTUAL public transportation existed here, so driving really was more of a luxury than a necessity anyways. “Back on topic… The boys won’t have any questions about me going to the DMV, so don’t you worry at all!”

“Okay, good!” With no more concerns, I passed through the ebony gates, our bodies just barely touching as we walked towards the carriages.

“... Actually… Does the DMV excuse work for you…?”

“... Wha?”

===

“Hey, hey, wait a fucking minute…!” Ace sat up on his bed, looking toward Deuce. “When the fuck did they get a driver’s liscene…?!” The other First Year just glared.

“Seriously…?!”

“Oh, don’t even give me that crap…! I’m SURE I would’ve remembered if they got one!”

“They literally asked us to go with them! YOU said you had basketball.”

“... Wait, you mean when they asked us to hit the DMV that time, they were SERIOUS…?! I thought it was a code for like. Other boring stuff.”

“YOU TOO…?!”

“... Wait, so I’m not the only one…?”

===

“... Yeah. Of course it’s fine. I mean, I already told people. Why wouldn’t it be?”

We both hopped into our seats, eager for the evening ahead of us… As two rambunctious adults without the pressure of being good role models, there was only one thing we could imagine doing right now…

-----

“Two matinee tickets for ‘Truckula,’ anniversary showing, please!” Right before the clerk punched in the order, the famed driver’s license was placed onto the counter. “Ah! Senior Discount, as well!”

“Sir, you have to be at least-...” They stared at the card, then back at him. However, it was impossible to forge the DMV’s official enchanted seal. “... Nevermind.”

“Does the discount also apply to popcorn?”

“You can get 15% off any combo.”

“Yaaay~” As he searched through his wallet for the change, I popped my own open.

“Hey, we go half-and-half, but I’ll also buy us a cherry Nicce to split, if you want.”

“Ooh~ Well, aren’t you just being bad today~?”

“Oh, stop…!” A tired, not getting paid enough sigh brought us back to reality. “A-ah… Here…” They just took the money, counting through it on sheer instinct.

“Thank you.” A bucket larger than Lilia’s head was passed to us, as were two cups to rival the Holy Grail’s ounces. He barely managed to hold them all, which made me feel bad when I was handed the two, tiny tickets. “Theater six.”

“Thank you.”

“Yes, thank you, young man.” We quickly left the line, heading towards the popcorn counter. “... See? Plastic works!”

“I’m sorry.”

“Oh, shush. It’s not your fault… I’m just too cute and adorable for this world to comprehend…!” I froze in place, but not from his moe. Instead, it was from something far more sinister… “... Dear? What is it? You look as if you’ve just seen a gho…” Seeing the bright yellow post-it on the cherry Nicce label, he fell to his knees. “... No…”

“They still have… Uh…” The Cola and Blue Razzberry were also broken… All that was left was… “... ‘Meetlejuice’ Spooky Apple…?”

“Kill me.”

“WAUGH…!”

-----------

He pitifully sipped on our fruit juice, while I had… The ‘Meetlejuice’ Nicce.

“Hey… I’m sure the juice is good…!”

“It is… But I wanted to be baaaaad…!” … Whoever was the bastard who broke the cherry Nicce machine would die by my hands, but not today. ONLY because this was the only private time we’d had in weeks…

“... Hey.” He glanced at me, still with a firm pout. “Would a kiss make you feel better~?”

“... Maybe~” We both placed our drinks aside. Thankfully, being an afternoon show, and for an old horror movie that only people with bad taste, or sophisticated pallets beyond comprehension would enjoy, it meant we had the whole theater to ourselves… “Ah, but I’m so distraught… I don’t think only a single kiss could fix my broken heart…!”

“I see… In such a severe case, well…” I made sure the popcorn was safe away from our feet, before shifting my attention back towards him. “I’ll have to give you more… Perhaps five will do.”

“Only five?” He left his seat, preferring to get comfortable on my lap with his knees on either side of me. “Oh, as if I’d let you get away with that little… Fifty, at minimum!”

“Mr. Vanrouge…~!” His lips pressed against mine with an addictive pop of artificial cherry that I knew couldn’t be good for me, but I found my tongue slipping out to lap at its remnants, regardless.

“That’s one.” He licked his own lips, ruining his hard work to savor whatever I must’ve tasted like… From that look in his eyes, I could only feel pride. It must’ve been divine. “Forty-nine to go.”

“We’re at the theater…~!”

“Ah, you’re right…!” He wrapped his arms around my shoulders, pulling me into another kiss. “I’ll have to get my fill before the film begins!!!”

“Li~lia…~!!” One of my hands found itself on his waist, but instead of doing the respectable thing and pulling him away, it slipped beneath his hoodie and even his shirt, feeling the cool, slightly squishy flesh beneath as the other weaved into his choppy locks, giving a playful tug. He pulled away with a light chuckle, a glint of mischief in his bright ruby eyes.

“Is that a no?” I just kissed the corner of his lips.

“Just shut up and keep kissing me.”

“Gladly~”

His own hands, bare of their usual gloves tip-toed along my neck, a full row of five flawless nails, with two trimmed shorter than the rest. I felt my cheeks heat up, but before I could say a world, his thumb swept along my lip. He cooed in delight as I parted my lips for him, stealing another playful kiss.

“Mm…” This time, he nibbled on my lip, his fangs gentle not to pierce the sensitive flesh, only to make it more tender before he gently suckled against it.

“Ah…~” He stole the chance, deepened the kiss, and traced his tongue against my own. I tried fighting back, but no matter how many attempts I made, or how hard I tried pushing for dominance against his own, it always seemed to overpower me…

… And then suddenly, he stopped.

“... Mm?” He pulled away, ears twitching as I was left breathless, clutching to him with what little strength I had left.

“... Shit…!” At the sudden, deep turn of his voice, something inside me burned deeply, but he rushed back to his seat, fixing our clothes.

“Hey, wasn’t there like forty or something left-” A finger was pressed right against my lips. Right before I could bite down, he shoved up his hood and mask, and covered his lap. I wanted to question, but he looked so grim… I just tugged my own clothes back up in dismay, just in time to hear the entrance door close.

“... so since Lilia had to hit the DMV, and Jamil said no, I didn’t have anyone to see this with…!” … Oh, fuck me…

“I still don’t see why you asked ME.”

“Oh, come on…! It’s obvious! Riddle would hate it, Ace wouldn’t shut the hell up during it, and Deuce!!! … Well, actually, I don’t have anything to say about him. I just feel like it’d be boring…”

“And you think I wouldn’t be…?”

“Of course not!!! After all, I’ve never seen how Trey-Trey reacts to scaaaa~aaary movies like this, so how could I not be excited~?” The Seven had some mercy for us, because they chose a seat closer to the front, leaving us right in the back corner obscured by darkness. “Hey, maybe if I’m super-duper lucky, there’ll be some big ol’ monster that goes ‘GAAAAO~!!’ and I’ll have you in my arms, teehee~!”

“Yeaaaah… I’m pretty sure that’s not gonna happen.”

“Oh, at least pretend…! It’s also a DATE, after all…!”

“... Wait… IT IS…?!”

“YOU THOUGHT IT WASN’T…?!” We both shared a look. ‘Truckula?’ Or our make-out session? “Were the heart emojis not enough to tip you off…?!”

“You’re always using those things…!”

“Uh, I always use the RED ones. I used GREEN this time. Y’know. Like, to totes personalize the invite-IT WAS IMPLIED, TREY!!! I EVEN PUT A TON OF SPARKLES!!!”

We both grabbed our belongings and made a swift break for it.

“YOU ALWAYS USE SPARKLES!!!”

“THE FLUSHED EMOJI??? HELLO???” YOU THINK I USE THAT FOR ANYONE ELSE-... Okay, FINE, but I’m PICKY about it…!”

---

After asking to switch our seats to a different theater, we were now in Box 9. Unfortunately, the movie had already been going for about twenty minutes. Fortunately, that just meant it was already dark, and no one else would be arriving!

“Mm…!”

“Mmm…” We both ignored the screams and revving of engines behind us. We’d seen this movie before, we’d see it again. But right now, all that mattered was the way his hips ground against me, making me gasp between our sloppy kisses. “Hey…”

“Nn… Yeah?” He smirked, kissing the corner of my lip, and slowly trailed down, gentle fingertips, calloused from wear and tear over the years, tipped my chin up, exposing my neck to him.

“I’m feeling parched, dear…”

“We still have some ‘Meetlejuice’ Spooky Apple… Ahn…!” Fangs nipped at the crook of my neck.

“Try again.”

“It’s delicious, I can assure you.”

“I tried it on your tongue. It was horrible.”

“Hey…!” He just looked at me, completely unamused. “That’s not the impression I got, earlier…”

“You fortunately taste delectable enough that I can overlook it.” … Great. I felt myself getting hot over the stupidest thing…

“W-well…!” I just looked away, knowing even in the darkness of the theater, he could see my flush clear as day. “If you hate it so much, you won’t want my blood… After all, I’m sure it’s completely tainted my flavor by now.”

“... Hmph~” He nuzzled against the delicate skin, kissing along it until he found the perfect spot. “Then I suppose we’ll just have to test that theory, won’t we?”

“A-ah…ha…”

I could only curse The Seven for my ridiculous grin as his fangs pierced the delicate skin, feeling the spark reignite all over again at his rapturous moan.

Chapter Text

“It’s quite the temporal fluke that you and I are attending the same school at the same time.”

I hesitated at his words. I didn’t really know him all that well, save that one time he scared us at lunch when the boys had been telling me about the different dorms. I didn’t even have a vibe to work off of… He seemed silly, yes, but there was a sorrow in his eyes that was hidden beneath it…

All I knew is that if I could help it, I wanted to avoid him at all costs. Diasomnia in general. It was nothing against them, in particular, but… Malleus Draconia was in that dorm, wasn’t he? Getting mixed up with more royalty was just asking for trouble to happen, and quite frankly, as he said. Temporal fluke. “Screw-up.” There was no point getting attached when I’d was going to leave. I just walked right past, pretending I didn’t hear him. His chuckle was light and airy, akin to a silver bell, and it made my stomach twist in a mix of anxiety and shame, but I kept moving forward.

“May our paths cross again tomorrow.”

I looked over my shoulder, but he was already gone.

-----

I hadn’t encountered him one-on-one since then. That was probably a good thing. Unfortunately, as I reached for the last bottle of fruit juice, my hand grazed another.

“Oh…!” I yanked it back, quickly snatching my tray and made a beeline down the line. “Ah, hold on, now-”

“You can have i-AGH…!” Ruby eyes glimmer brightly right before mine, hardly more than an inch between us. And upside down again. Very gently, the bottle of fruit juice was placed onto my tray with a gentle smile. “... Y-you can have it-”

“It’s quite alright. Besides, I’ve been hoping for a chance to speak with you again.” … Ah, fuck.

“We have nothing in common. I imagine there’s nothing we COULD talk about.” He popped back to his feet, joining the rest of us normal people back in the line.

“I argue the opposite! If anything, we have more in common than many in this school!”

“And that is?” He smacked a concerningly healthy heaping of cranberry sauce onto his plate.

“We’re both adults, of course~!! I know, I know, it’s hard to believe, but-”

“It’s really not.”

“Guah…?!” I grabbed a tuna sandwich, knowing Grim would yell at me if I forgot again.

“You do NOT have the aura of a kid, dude.”

“Really now… Then tell me, what ‘aura’ DO I have?” … Hm… Well, he LOOKED young, but he dressed like a pitiful British boy murdered in some freak political act from the Victorian ages. That being said, there was still an element of personal flair, so clearly, it was his own doing… And in Diasomnia? Where everyone dressed perfectly to a T? He must’ve held a lot of authority and respect to be allowed such a luxury… Ah, and if those fangs were anything to go by…

“You’re like. Seven hundred or something, aren’t you?”

“...” I waited for a response, but nothing. I waved my hand in front of his eyes. Nothing. He just sat there in a state of complete shock… Great… I either nailed it right on the head and made him confront his age, or I made him feel old, and contemplate his entire personality…

“... Well…” I just shuffled around him. “See you later, I guess…?”

I said that, but it really WOULD be nice if we never met again after this…

-----

“Oh my god you have so much make-up on.” His face was more foundation than skin, and the eye-shadow…! Even the eyeliner seemed as if he’d abandoned a normal pencil in favor of a broad-tipped marker!!!

“Hm?” I could tell he was trying so hard not to express emotion of any kind, to prevent any cracks. “What are you talking about? I’m all na~tural, today~” … Don’t laugh. Don’t laugh. You already made him feel bad once, don’t you DARE laugh-

“... Pfft…” Stop it. STOP IT-

“I knew it… I shouldn’t have passed on the Coral Blue #3 today… It truly would have made my lips pop-”

“BWAHAHAHAHA…~!!” … FUCK!

“... Keheh~” Much to my relief, instead of a pathetic and pitiful frown, he was smiling brightly instead… Completely ruining his make-up. “There’s a smile~”

“... Was this on purpose, you bastard…?!”

“Perhaps.” … Ah, fuck it. I did miss talking with someone while not having to be a good role model the entire time… What was one conversation gonna do?

“Fine, you win… BUT!” I reached into my bag. “We’re getting that disaster off you first.”

“Thank Seven…!” He took a seat on the nearest bench, closing his eyes so I could get to work. “I’m telling you, the deep clean I’ll have to do tonight for my pores… It’ll be a miracle if I’m able to get any sleep…!”

“Well…” All I had was a cheap handkerchief I got at Sam’s... Guess I was just gonna have to put the ol’ shoulder into it. “You have no one to blame but yourself, mister…” He opened a single eye, giving a charming smirk.

“That’s right! It’s been some time since our first meeting…” He held out his hand, and together, we gave each other a firm shake. “Vanrouge, Lilia Vanrouge.”

“[First] [Last Name].” As I brought the first swipe across his skin, putting all my strength into it, he just hummed in content. “As I was saying… This is completely and utterly your fault.”

“It was worth every second of torture, since we had another opportunity to meet~” … This guy was an idiot… “Besides, despite all the cons, I personally think this look suits me!”

“Yeaaaaaaaah. No.” Out of spite, I scrubbed harder, smushing his face with the intent to leave indents. “If you want a stranger’s opinion, I don’t think an ‘all na~tural~’ look suits you.”

“Then what does?” … As if I was supposed to know that…!

“... Anyways… We’re both too old to be acting like this.” He just smiled.

“We may be old, but there’s no reason we can’t enjoy youthful spirits and live in the moment like the children do.”

“... Ah.” I paused my work, looking right into his eyes. “You’re old AND weird. What a treat.” He cackled at that, and much to my regret, I found myself laughing alongside him.

…

“... Well!” I stepped back, admiring my work. “That’s the best I can do!” He still had some discoloration at some spots, but my arm was getting tired of trying to make it work.

“Let me see…” He pulled out a tiny pocket mirror, examining himself. “My, my…! You truly did get most of it off…!”

“Right?? I probably got carpal tunnel trying, though…” As he tilted his face at different angles, making notes of which areas needed extra care that night, I couldn’t help but examine him myself. Around his eyes were slight wrinkles from age, normally concealed away…

“Yes, I’m old. You won’t hurt my feelings by pointing it out.”

“A-ah… That wasn’t it.” His bangs swayed with the tilt of his head, pink mixing with ebony. I hesitated, feeling as if I spoke, I’d regret it…

“... You look far better like this than with that ‘All-nat~ural’ look.”

“... Hmph~” … The way he beamed with pride… Great. I had a feeling this wasn’t the last I’d see of him…

-----

“[Last Name].”

“Yes sir…?!” The monochrome baton pointed to the other end of the room. Its target? The worst possible man to pair me with… “... Professor-”

“No yelps.” Grim groaned as we left our seats, gathering our belongings.

“Ain’t that the guy who’s always eating weird things…?!”

“Grim, you don’t get to talk.”

“I only eat things that look tasty…!”

“Rocks do not look tasty.”

“B-”

“Stop talking before Crewel nags us…!” He was already giving us a stern look as we rushed to Lilia’s side, completely and suspiciously clear of people and valuables. He gave us a cute wave, though, it only made us more nervous.

“Won’t this be fun~! It isn’t often we have joint alchemy classes! What luck for us to be paired together-”

“You’re not gonna start eating weeds or anything again, are ya?” I smacked Grim. “HEY…!”

“(SHUT UP…!)”

… This was gonna be a long class…

…

Wow. This was actually a very fast class…!

“Seriously…?!” Grim leaned over the cauldron. The concoction shone endless colors like an oil spill, exactly like the one Crewel showed us. “You made that look like nothin’...!”

“Oh, I just did what felt right~!” … Was this it? A day where I’d finally make an A, with little to no grief…?!

“... I’LL GET THE PROFESSOR!!!”

“NYAGH…!” I ditched them without a second thought. This was too good to be true, I just KNEW something would happen if I sat around waiting for him to stop by our desks…!

… Oh! I nearly forgot!” He grabbed his bag.

“... What’re ya doing?”

“Oh, nothing much, just a secret ingredient~” With a bottle of hot sauce (and a lemon wedge!) in hand, he poured a generous heaping into the mix. “It’ll give it a nice kick, you know~?”

“Uh… I don’t think we’re supposed t-ACK…!” An explosion of black smog snuffed out whatever Grim was trying to say.

“Oh, now doesn’t THAT just smell delicious~! … But we could go further…” He grabbed a completely unrelated jar of flowers, and with no hesitation, bit into one of the blooms. “... Well, it’s no SAFFRON, but it’ll do!”

The whole jar was dumped in. As was another jar. And another. And another. With no regard to their contents.

“Aaaack…! YOU’RE RUINING OUR POTION-”

“I’M BACK…!!!” Professor Crewel finally wrenched his arm out of my grip. “YOU’RE SEEING THIS, RIGHT CREWEL…?!”

“Yes, puppy. I see a cauldron-”

“OKAY NOW KEEP WATCHING!!!” Ladle in hand, I quickly poured some of the solution into a test tube. Right before I could drink it though, Grim tugged my sleeve.

“Hey, [Name], I don’t think you should-”

“Grim we NEED this ‘A,’ I literally do not give a fuck if it tastes bad anymore.”

“OI! LANGUAGE!”

“HENCHMAN, NO…!” I shot it down, refusing to spit it out even if it tasted like old tires. Lilia was a Third Year. This was a simple potion. I had no reason NOT to trust him…!

“... So?” Said Third Year wore a gentle smile. “How does it taste?”

“Horrible.”

“Not even the lemon helped?”

Crewel and I shared an unfortunately similar look of concern.

…

“My apologies-”

“APOLOGIES DOESN’T FIX THIS.”

“Crewel gave you an ‘A,’ at least!”

“IT WAS A PITY ‘A’ FOR EMOTIONAL DISTRESS… Oh, and in case SOMEONE FORGOT, HE’S TAKING ME HOME BECAUSE I LITERALLY CANNOT ATTEND CLASSES FOR THE REST OF THE DAY BECAUSE OF HIS STUPIDITY.”

“My apologies again… I’ll do my best to ensure this outcome doesn’t occur next time-”

“THERE IS NO NEXT TIME!!!”

“Henchman, you’re about to trip.” I paused, feeling around with my foot. As Grim said, there was a rock right in front of me.

“Is there anything around the rock?”

“Nah. Just the rock.”

“Thanks.” I stepped over it, continuing towards Ramshackle, sweet, beautiful Ramshackle, in all its low resolution in the distance… Crewel said he’d bring a definite elixir later, but he’d have to reverse-engineer it from whatever Lilia did… So all I had was a temporary fix and sunglasses from his car. At best, I’d be completely back to normal by tonight, but at worst… I shuddered, cringing at the buzz that followed.

“... If it comes as any consolidation, your wings are quite beautiful-”

“Not a SINGLE word from you Vanrouge.”

“... He’s kinda right though… It looks REAL pretty when the light hits them just right-”

“COULD BOTH OF YOU STOP REMINDING ME THAT I’M PART DRAGONFLY RIGHT NOW…?!”

I just started walking faster. The quicker I could shut myself away in shame, the better-

“”ROCK…!””

“Whatever, I won’t trip over ONE ro-ACK…!” … I wanted my old vision, again…!

---

I opened the door to Ramshackle. I was expecting Ace or Deuce so we could walk to classes together. Instead, there was a grown man looking like a kicked puppy with a plush bat and sweets.

“... No.”

I shut the door. There was a second knock not even five minutes later.

“YOU’RE NOT COMING IN, JACKASS…!”

‘WHAT THE HELL DID I DO…?!”

“Ah…!” I ripped open the door. There was Ace, holding the same plush and sweets.

“Hey can I have these?”

“Why?”

“It sounds like YOU don’t want ‘em, and this bat IS pretty sick…”

“... No.” I snatched them from his hands.

“What…!? C’mon, you just cussed me out for no reason…!”

“... Actually you can have ONE piece of candy.”

“Hell yeah~!!” I watched intensely as he grabbed the sweetest looking treat, popping it in with a grin.

“... How is it?”

“It’s AWESOME…!”

“... You don’t feel like you’re about to die or anything?” The smile was completely gone.

“... Should I be worried, or-” A third knock cut him off.

“Ooooi! Sorry I’m late…!”

“Door’s open.” Deuce looked like a frantic mess, still in his club uniform. “Hey Deuce, would you like some chocolate?”

“Sure!” Since Ace wasn’t dead, or some other form of concern, it meant they were safe. That being said, I still wasn’t in the mood to eat them. “Hey, these are pretty good…!”

“Good. Anyways, I have a question.”

“Yeah?” They both reached for a second chocolate.

“We’ve been at this school for a while now, but you guys get out more than me. Since our first meeting with him, have you guys learned anything else about that ‘Vanrouge’ guy?” In perfect unison, they spat out the candy. “HEY…!!!”

“ARE YOU SERIOUS…?! THESE WERE FROM THAT FREAK…!?”

“[NAME], DO YOU HATE US THAT BADLY…?!”

“... I’m suddenly very scared for my well-being.”

…

“Okay, so-” we’d moved to the couch. All of us had a feeling this was about to be a long conversation. “I PERSONALLY don’t know him well, but CATER does.”

“Same here, so take it with a grain of salt, but not THAT much salt.”

“Okay…?”

“So they’re both in the Pop Music Club, right? He’s ALWAYS bringing some abomination for a snack…!”

“One time he brought licorice, which-”

“Licorice can be GOATED.”

“It was not. He tricked me into having a bite… I can still imagine the taste…” Deuce shuddered. Was it really worth forcing these poor children into reliving their trauma for more information…?

“... What next?”

“He also makes a huge idiot of himself whenever the club ACTUALLY holds a performance, has failed Masterchef multiple times and for some reason, they KEEP LETTING HIM COME BACK…!”

“I got food poisoning last time he was in rotation, and that was AFTER I was already filling in for a different judge with the same thing…”

“He’s also always jumpscaring people, and you can’t even call him out on it, because THEN you’re gonna hear ‘RAAAAAH HOW DARE YOU DISRESPECT LILIA!!! I’LL KILL YOU-’”

“Sebek doesn’t talk like THAT…”

“Look me in the eyes and say that.”

“... Okay, yeah. He does. I don’t even know why I bothered.” … Was I about to be murdered? It felt like I was about to be murdered. “If you ask me, though, Sebek’s not the scary one. I heard from Epel that one time, Lilia took on five guys…!”

“In a FIGHT…!?”

“Of course a fight! The hell else would I be talking about?!”

“No, no, I know, but that guy’s TINY…! I figured if he threw a punch his hand would break or something…!”

“Wait wait go back why was he in a fight-”

“WHO CARES??? Look. [Name].” They both gave a grave look in perfect unison. It was the most terrifying thing I’d ever witnessed in my life.

“”STAY AWAY FROM THAT GUY (FREAK).””

“... Noted!”

After today, I would never speak to him again.

…

“... Thank you for the gifts.” His ears didn’t so much as twitch, still focused on his phone. “... Hello? … Hellooooo-” I leaned over, only to tap his shoulder, but upon seeing the screen, I couldn’t stop a gasp.

“DJ SUPREME…?!”

“Oh…!” He quickly shut his phone screen, but I recognized that cringe. That was the cringe of a lost combo. “My apologies…! I didn’t notice you-”

“Favorite song, answer swiftly.”

“You want me to choose a FAVORITE…?! That’s impossible…!”

“... Acceptable answer.” He moved over, and I crammed on the bench next to him, cuddling my little bat plush. He glanced over for just a second, but said nothing as he returned to his level.

“Since you asked me such a bold question, I suppose you have an answer for it?”

“... Uhhhhhhh…”

“Mmhm.”

“Oh, shut up…!” I already knew he wouldn’t, so a diversion was in order. “So I hear you’re in the Pop Music Club.”

“Oh? Interested?”

“Depending on how this conversation goes, I might be willing to stop by for a moment.”

---

“So anyways, I got this TOTES cute picture for my MagiCam and-”

“EVERYONE…!”

“”GYAH…!”” Lilia was a heaving mess, and his hair was something beyond windswept.

“Geez, Lilia…! You scared us-”

“THERE’S NO TIME…!” His bass was snatched off the stand. “WE NEED TO HOLD A PERFORMANCE ASAP…!”

“... You’re joking, right?” His ears shifted as he plucked each string, checking to make sure they were perfectly in tune. “... Seriously, Lilia. We’ve done nothing but screw around the past few weeks…! You can’t expect us to put on a decent performance anytime soon-”

“AN HOUR.”

“... An hour-”

“IT DOESN’T NEED TO BE PERFECT, JUST DECENT, LIKE YOU SAID.” The other two club members were quite frankly, concerned! Kalim took it upon himself to try (keyword: try) to be the voice of reason.

“Lilia, isn’t that a bit unrealistic? I mean, we haven’t even chosen a song yet…!”

“Ah…! You’re right!!!” He snatched one of the usually useless binders off the shelf, tearing through endless pages of sheet music.”

“We should choose something fun!”

“KALIM, SERIOUSLY…!”

“We need something cool… Cool, cool, cool-”

“”WAUGH…! (GWUAH…!)” It was snapped shut.

“... Besties…” He snatched it out of reach before they could rip it from his hands. “Just answer this one question for me… WHY?!?!”

“Ah…!” Lilia felt all over himself, eventually snatching a perfectly clean and pressed cloth out of his pocket. “THIS is why…!” He held it up for all to see. Silence befell the room, unsure of what to even say.

“... Okay… So what does a handkerchief have to do with this?”

“It’s [Name]’s…! They’re going to stop by today’s meeting…! I may or may not have hyped up our club, so we need to act like we actually do something…!”

“The Headmaster stops by all the time and we don’t even bother!!! Why now…?!”

“W-well…! Because…!!!” He couldn’t even manage a single word, but the light flush on his normally pasty complexion was all the answer they needed. This was a terrifying day indeed for the Pop Music Club… Do they help their comrade, fallen to the throes of romance, or spare their poor friend who will die from a future lunchbox “made with love.”

…

“... Wow!” Despite being a single audience of one, [Name]’s applause shook his heart more than an entire crowd’s. “I have to admit, when I heard it was only you three in a club, I kind of expected to walk into nothing but a bag of chips and gossip! I’m pleasantly surprised!”

‘Hahah, actually, that’s what we do best, bestie~!’ Is what Cater WANTED to say, but he kept his mouth shut. Hopefully, for Lilia’s sake, this was a secret they could keep to their graves…

“Do you mind some constructive criticism?” Of course, before anyone else’s input could be shared, Kalim popped up.

“Of course~!!”

“Alright then!” They looked at their notepad. “First of all, Kalim, some of your drumwork was sloppy.”

“Eh…?!”

“It was specifically around times where the tempo increased. While it IS important to make sure you hit every note, you don’t want the quality to suffer as a result of it. It’s key to finding a balance between both. As for you, Cater-” They flipped to the next page. “Some of your notes were out of tune. Make sure you’re using your ear to pick up on them. While it’s true that your average person won’t notice if something is slightly off key, it’s no good to use that to excuse bad habits.”

“Haha… I didn’t think it was THAT bad…”

“As I said, for the most part, it was a wonderful performance! That being said, if you’re able to iron out small things like this, it’ll make for an even better one! Oh, speaking of which, your presentation…!”

“““... Our what?””” They looked between all three of them.

“I know this is just practice, but during shows, do you have a cohesive theme? If not, that’s fine, but how do you make it work?”

“U-uhhhh…”

“Usually the Headmaster just makes us wear our ceremonials or club uniforms.”

“I see…” They took more notes. “Moving on, Lilia.”

“Oh boy~!”

“I don’t even know where to begin.”

“With how amazing we were?

“You kept improvising…!”

“Wasn’t it cool~?”

“As a solo act, or in small quantities, yes, but if you just go off-script with no warning, it throws off your fellow members…! That’s not even bringing up all your tricks and everything!!! All it does is make you look like a selfish showboat…!”

“... I see…” Ah. His heart was breaking. Into a thousand, tiny pieces. And they were gonna have to clean it up after this.

“You also CAN’T keep watching the audience the entire time!!! Interact with your bandmates! Make it feel like you’re having fun as a unit, and THEN include the audience!” … Actually, Lilia was normally GREAT at that, but in their defense, this was the first performance of theirs they’d ever seen, and he WAS kinda giving them The Stare the entire time…

“I see.”

“... I will say, though. Your technical skill is quite marvelous. It’s clear you practice a lot, so keep up the good work-”

“Oh…!” Kalim leapt from his seat. “You should be our producer…!”

“... Eh?”

“What…?! You seem really smart about this sort of thing! Maybe it’s exactly what our club needs!”

“Kalimmy…! We can’t bother [Name] with our problems…!”

“You seem to enjoy it, don’t you…?”

“U-uh…!” They shoved their notepad back into their back, discreetly but swiftly trying to reach the door. “Sorry, I have other commitments-”

“Wait…!”

“BYE!!!” … Annnnnd they were gone. Thank Seven. If they stayed a second longer, his lazy afternoons would be gone…

“... I really DO think they could be our producer…! Hey, maybe we could finally get a gig in town…!”

“For the last time, it’s a NO, Kalim…! Right, Lilia~?” … Nothing. “... Yahoo~? Twisted Wonderland to Lilia~?”

He collapsed to the ground.

““WAUGH…!”” Both of them were at his side.

“Lilia, get up…!”

“You can’t die on us now…!” Sure, it was harsh, but… Okay. Yeah. It was harsh.

“... They said…” A hand fell over his heart. “That I was marvelous…” … Oh, great. He either missed every other sentence, or the euphoria erased them out of his memory. “... Bleh.”

“LILIAAAAAAAAAA…!!!”

“Your turn to take him to the Infirmary, Kalim.”

“SERIOUSLY…?!”

-----

Grim opened the door. Instead of the idiots expected, it was that OTHER idiot.

“Ugh…! What do YOU want…?!”

“I was simply curious to see if [Name] wanted to spend time together today.”

“Didn’t you guys hang out yesterday…?!”

“Yes. Is there a problem with that?” The familiar just rolled his eyes.

“... [NAAAAAAAAME]!!!”

“WHAT…?!” He looked towards the source of the noise, somewhere around the third floor of Ramshackle.

“IT’S THE WEED GUY AGAIN…!”

“DON’T CALL LILIA THAT!!!”

“HE EATS WEEDS…! WHAT ELSE AM I SUPPOSED TO CALL ‘IM…?!”

“I’M BEGGING YOU TO CALL HIM LITERALLY ANYTHING ELSE…!” They rushed down the stairs, dressed in nothing but their baggiest tee and basketball shorts. “... Lilia…!”

“Good afternoon, [Name]!” Grim spun on his heel, trotting back to his Spelldrive game. “Are you free this afternoon?”

“Yes… Why~?”

“Well, I’m going thrifting in town, and was curious if you’d want to join me!”

“Even if we hung out yesterday~?”

“Oh? You’ve also grown tired of my company~?” They leaned against the doorframe, unable to hide their ridiculous grin.

“Maybe.”

“Well, drat…! I suppose I’ll have to find someone else to get boba with-”

“I WANT BOBA…!” Grim was back at their side, staring up at him with big ol’ eyes. “... You’re payin’, right?”

“If [Name] accepts, then yes.”

“HENCHMAN LET’S GET BOBA!!!” They laughed as they weakly fought off the familiar’s frantic smacks.

“Alright~ Alright…~! Let me get actual clothes on, at least…!”

“HURRY UP!!!” They plucked him off the ground, stepping aside.

“You’re welcome inside, Lilia. It shouldn’t take me too long.”

“Thank you.” Thinking about it, this was the first time he’d actually been inside the dorm. It was just as dilapidated as it looked on the outside, but an immense amount of love and care had been put into making it livable… Spotting the mantle, he grinned from ear-to-ear, seeing a little plush bat among the countless knickknacks crammed ontop of it.

“... So what do ya want with [Name], anyways?” He looked down. He hadn’t realized the familiar didn’t follow them upstairs.

“I simply enjoy their company. That’s what friends do, don’t they?”

“Yeaaaah… I have a hard time believin’ it’s ONLY that.” Grim hopped onto the closest surface, before leaping right onto the mantle. He stood on his back legs, now towering over the short fae. “They’ve GOT other friends, and none of them act as weird as you do…!”

“Am I acting weird? Please, explain how. I’m quite curious.”

“You keep sending us fruit arrangements-don’t STOP that, but no one else does that, and you’re always popping outta nowhere with candies for us, and inviting us out for stuff…!”

“... And this is a problem, how?”

“YOU’RE TOO NICE TO US…! IT’S SUSPICIOUS…!” … Ah. Fair point. This WAS Night Raven College, after all…

“... Well, I’ll be honest. I do have an ulterior motive-”

“I KNEW IT!!!”

“-however, it’s nothing to worry your little head over. I have no intention to cause either of you harm.”

“Then what COULD you want with us…?!”

“Let’s just say…” … Actually, how SHOULD he phrase it? Being completely honest just felt embarrassing for someone his age, but if he was too vague, it would only worry the familiar further… “... I just think they’re neat!”

“... Are you tryna ask ‘em out or somethin’?”

“GWUAH…?!” With a huff, Grim hopped off the mantle, grabbing their phone off the table.

“Man…! Now I gotta give Ace 500 Madol…!”

… Were his feelings THAT obvious…? … Oh dear…

-----

He stared at the gift card in his hands. At first, he wanted to bring the boys out to a nice meal, but between Malleus’ fussy appetite and the meager amount on the card, it wouldn’t be the best idea… He could invite the Light Music Club, but instead, he found himself typing a message to a different chat.

‘Good afternoon, [Name]. I won a gift card for BananaBee’s during the recent assembly. They are also hosting a promotion for two-for-one appetizers, so I was wanting to know if you’d want to join me tonight.’

He hit send. For a few moments, he stared at the message in silence.

‘Alone, preferably.’

He took a deep breath. It felt wrong, but… He swore there was a second voice, both nagging, but reassuring him that this was okay. Despite everything, even he was allowed another chance at such a mundane, normal experience…

‘... Tonight?’

‘Yes. Tonight.’ There was no response after that. His heart sunk in his chest, yet all he could do was laugh. He should’ve known better than to get his hopes after all these years-

‘YESGATENOW’

“... Ah…?!” … A yes… An honest-to-Seven yes…!

He fell back onto his bed, uncaring of the random junk that clattered to the ground or poked into his skin.

“... They said yes…” He rolled over, burying his scorching face into the pillow. “... MMMMMMMH…!!!” He kicked his legs, a vain effort to try and dispel the rush of euphoria in his veins. “... WAIT…!”

He glanced back at the message.

“... I’M LATE…!!!”

…

“... Haaah…” [Name] was a frazzled mess, and yet, he still found himself too excited to care as they downed another chug of their cocktail. “Sorry about the rush… Right after you sent your message, Floyd texted he was coming over.”

“You didn’t say no?”

“Yeah, he sent that, and switched to ‘Do Not Disturb,’ so all I could do was hope I didn’t run into him on the way out of Ramshackle…”

“Oh dear…”

“Yeah, but I made it, and that’s what matters!” They happily bit into a mozzarella stick. “... Wow. This is awful. How do you fuck up FRIED CHEESE??”

“Let me try…” Making sure his own stick was covered in a hearty coating of marinara sauce, he chomped down. “... Wow. These really are quite wretched.”

“Right??” Despite that, they kept eating it. “Now I’m worried about the wings.”

“Let me try them.” Coated in a rather pitiful layer of sauce, he chomped down. “Ough…! So dry…!”

“Does the ranch or blue cheese help?” Grabbing a second wing, he lightly dipped it into the nearest sauce, taking a second bite.

“... Impressive… Somehow, it’s even drier than the first…”

“How???”

“Your guess is as good as mine~” They grabbed a fork, cautiously poking at their pasta.

“I’m worried the fettucine will somehow kill me.”

“Here, allow me.” He grabbed his own fork, but just before he could get a bite, their own fork was held towards him, a healthy heaping of noodles spun upon it.

“... Here.” They looked straight into his eyes. “Try it.”

“... Very well…” Despite his own flush, he tucked his bangs behind his ears and bit down onto the fork. “... Mn…”

“... How is it?” He pulled away, making sure to get every last drop of sauce. He slowly chewed, making sure to savor each and every last aspect of its flavor…

“... Mid.”

“... Really?”

“Indeed… Though, after everything else, that’s not a bad thing.”

“Yeah.” … Oh goodness. He had no idea what to do here. Was this the moment to ‘lay on the rizz’ as the young’uns say, or should he play it safe…?! “... Maybe I’ll regret asking this, but…”

“Yes?”

“How do you feel about… ‘Grown-up Time?’” … Oh. Oh dear.

“Well…” This was going a vastly different direction then he’d planned…! “It’s been so long since I’ve indulged… Why do you ask?” They bit their lip, suddenly entranced by their drink.

“Well… I’m a bit… Frustrated, we’ll say, being stuck at NRC with no outlet… We don’t have to make a big deal of it, but if you think I’m even a smidge as attractive as you are… We could benefit each other…” Even in the dim lighting, he could see how dark their face had gotten. “Just for a night. And, well… If not, you can just pretend it was just a fluke of a drunkard’s tongue.”

… He couldn’t share his intentions after THAT, could he…?! Ugh, now he was regretting not doing his research…! … He could salvage this. If he could kill ten men in less than on the battlefield, he could succeed at one date!

“What if we end up wanting something more?” He gave (what he hoped was) a charming smile, taking a sip of his own cocktail.

“... Hmph~” They just chuckled, pulling out their wallet. “Weren’t you the one who said it? We may be older than the rest, but our spirits are just as youthful~” Their share of the bill was slipped onto the table, and with a cheeky grin, they ran their foot along his tights beneath it. “Why worry about those things right now when we can just live in the moment…”

… Ah, shit. Well. I suppose for today, this could be considered a win… He’d just have to try hard to find an opening another time… Whenever that happens…

Chapter Text

“... A little to the left…” I did exactly as he said. “... Mm… Perhaps back to the right would be better…” I went back where I’d been. “... No… Left, for sure. Just a smidge, though!” I moved just a smidge to the left. “... Hmm…”

Lilia, my knees hurt.”

“We’re almost done…” As he adjusted his phone, the countless gaudy charms of his current case clattered with even the brief movement. “Now, say cheese~!” He said, as if the tiny plush whose face was permanently etched in terror could hear him. Regardless of if it somehow listened, he snapped the shot, and finally, I was free…

“Aaaaagh…” It was a small price to pay for nui pick, but also, god. What a giant price to pay for nui pics…

“Oh, how quaint~!” I didn’t even get a second before his phone was in front of me. “Isn’t he charming~?”

… How the hell was it smiling…?!

---

It was in a little sailor suit. Complete with a comically oversized lollipop.

“... Huh.” I looked around. No one was here. The concerning part was that I only left him in the dorm lounge for one second…

On one hand, it was INCREDIBLY FUNNY seeing a nui of a grown anime man dressed like he was about to see the ships at port leave. On the other… Depending on who made this, I should fear for my fate. God forbid it was Octavinelle or something-

“Good evening, dear-”

“GYAH…!” He grinned ear-to-ear, legs playfully criss-crossed as if he weren’t casually upside-down again. “Lilia…!”

“Whaaaa~at~?”

“I’m about to revoke your key.”

“Nooooo…!!!” I wouldn’t ACTUALLY do that-... Actually, on second hand, if I did he couldn’t jumpscare me with romantic dinners anymore… Ah, nah. I knew I was a sucker for those, even if I needed a priest to exorcise me after the last time…

“... Oh!” He grabbed the nui. “There you are~!”

“Ah.” He had a ridiculous grin, and suddenly, I felt custody of my own nui was in danger. “Were you the one who made the clothes?”

“Indeed I was~!” Much to my surprise, he began taking them off, revealing the badly screen-printed fabric beneath. “You’re always taking him around, yes? I only thought it’d be fair to give him a little makeover~!”

“So why a sailor suit??” He placed the clothes on a nearby table.

“Isn’t it charming~? Perfect for Sage’s Island!” Reaching into his pocket, he pulled out a second set of clothes. “Speaking of which, Silver was telling me about your trip to The Queendom, and before I knew it, I was sewing again!” A tiny little hood with bunny ears was placed upon it’s brow, and it took all my strength not to laugh at how ridiculous it looked.

“You realize you don’t have to do this, right Lilia~?” He hesitated, halfway through putting the suspenders on.

“Do you not want me to?” I just pulled up the closest chair, sitting next to him.

“At least let me pay you~!”

“Hmmm…” He inspected his current work. “Absolutely not.”

… Okay. He was definitely enjoying this more than he let on. There was only one solution for this…

---

“Lilia.” All eyes were on the tiny creature in a baby stool beside him, dressed to the nines in it’s own Diasomnia uniform with far-too elaborate embroidery.

“Yes, Malleus?” Silver didn’t seem to mind it, but Sebek scooted his chair further away from it.

“Pray tell… What is that?”

“It’s a ‘nui,’ as they say~!”

“I see… And where did it come from?” He gave the tiny thing a pat on the head. For Seven’s sake, it even had its own plate and dishware at the table…

“[Name] bought it for me! We looked online for some, and though I’m not aware of where she’s from, I just thought she looked so polite!” Well… He supposed if you looked past its thousand yard sale, it looked as such. “Ah…! I just realized, it’s quite late!!! We need to tuck you in~!” With one hand, he stacked their dishes, and the other he held her carefully. “Well! Good night, boys!”

“””Good night, Lilia.””” Not a word else was spoken upon his departure, or even minutes after… Until Malleus chuckled.

“It reminds me of you, Silver.”

“... Huh???”

Strange as the thing was, perhaps it wasn’t a bad thing for the elder…

Chapter Text

“Hey. Henchman.”

“Mm.” Grim looked between my bowl, full of bland cereal, and Vanrouge’s, with bacon, and toast slathered with jam. “Why does HE get a YUMMY breakfast?!”

“Because he made it himself. If you want some, no one’s stopping you from making any.”

“Nyagh…?!” He looked beside him for sympathy, but was completely ignored. Actually, he was less than ignored. Vanrouge grabbed the crispiest piece of toast on his plate and crunched it as obnoxiously as he could. “[NAME], HE’S BULLYING ME!!!

“Stop that, Vanrouge.”

“ ‘m just eatin’ toamst.”

“Don’t eat with your mouth full, either.” He even obnoxiously swallowed…

“You know, if anyone should be complaining, it’s ME. It’s hard to eat when some weird cat’s drooling all over your food.” Grim looked to me again, but this was a house of equality. And by that, I meant I wanted to enjoy my OWN cereal without trouble breaking out.

“Grim, leave him alone.”

“BUT I’M HUNGRY…!”

“And what happened to YOUR breakfast?” He looked at his empty plate, then back at me.

“... Is this some sorta trick question, or…” … You know? What did I expect, actually.

“I’ll make you some toast.”

“Bacon, too?”

“... Toast with tuna.”

“YIPPEE~!!”

Vanrouge just crunched his second toast in irritation.

---

Grim had finally left our sides. Apparently, they got the deluxe mincemeat sandwich in, so I gave him 1500 Madol and a dream. Whether it would come true was out of my hands entirely. I just decided to take the opportunity to find a nice patch of grass in the courtyard and study.

“You need to stop coddling him.”

“... Wha?”

“Grim. He’s a spoiled brat.”

“I mean… He hasn’t done anything…”

“Not yet.” I looked up from my textbook, shooting him a glare.

“He’s a handful, but he’d never actually do anything.”

“I heard about him nearly burning the school down.”

“It was the first day…! Besides, he’s just a little guy, cut him some slack!” I looked back at my textbook, but it was snatched from my hands. “Hey…!” He tossed it aside, crimson eyes piercing into my soul.

“I’ve ALSO heard about the time he hurt YOU.”

“That’s…” I held my hand, where the scar was faint, but still remained.

“You may forget, but he’s not just some ‘little guy.’ He’s a dangerous creature. Even if he can talk just like you, and has emotions and feelings the same as you, there IS always a risk of him losing control and hurting someone again.”

“... The same could be said for humans, or fae, at that.” His gaze softened.

“... I can’t say that’s wrong, but-”

“No, I get it. I know you’re just trying to look out for me, but…” I looked him right in the eyes with a smile. “I also think you just need to mind your own fucking business sometimes.”

“Eh…?!”

“Haha~” He looked forward with an indignant huff.

“I’m trying to look out for you, dumbass…”

“Yeah? And you’re kinda being an asshole about it, so…~” In the distance, I smiled, watching Grim trot over in excitement, sandwich crammed right beneath his teeth.

“Do you want an apology?”

“Would you actually mean it?” I didn’t get a response. Well… I’d rather have honestly than a lie.

-----

“Hey. Henchman Two-”

“How many times have I told you to stop calling me that…?!” He went completely ignored, but at the bottle of tomato juice passed to him, Vanrouge found himself speechless.

“You like this junk, right?”

“... Yes…?” It was still sealed… “Where did you get this?”

“Sam told me if I helped him at the shop he’d make it worth my while… I thought he meant with tuna or somethin’, but he gave me this junk… Apparently it ain’t sellin’ well.” His irritation was clear as day, but nothing he wouldn’t forget the next time he entered the shop. “Anyways, you should praise me lots! I coulda given it to that other guy, y’know~?”

“Why didn’t you?” Grim gave him a blank stare.

“Ain’t it obvious? You may be a jerk, but you’re not tryin’ to poison us all the time.” Well. That was a very fair and obvious point. “... Besides, you’re waaaay cooler…! It ain’t often The Great Grim says this, but… You’re a pretty awesome mage, y’know~!”

“... Ah.” Now it all made sense. “This is a bribe.”

“... Wha?”

“You want me to teach you.”

“Of course not…! I didn’t say you were BETTER than me, I was just saying you were ALMOST as good as me!!!” … What a confusing and annoying creature. “Geez… Ain’t a guy allowed to just be nice??” He examined the bottle, crisp glass with a strong scent… He could feel his mouth water just from that alone… Yet, remembering his earlier words, he passed it back.

“It’s fine-”

“Take the stupid bottle, dummy…!”

“I already told you it’s fine-”

“I AIN’T ASKING!”

“I SAID I DON’T WANT IT.”

“[NAAAAAAAAAME]-”

“FINE, I’LL TAKE THE DAMN JUICE.”

… On second thought, he stood by every last thing he said about the cat. He really was a complete and overwhelming spoiled brat.